Conscious Living, Conscious Aging - Chapter One
Conscious Living, Conscious Aging - Chapter One
Conscious Living, Conscious Aging - Chapter One
AGING
CONSCIOUS
LIVING
RON PEVNY
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit, sed diam nonummy nibh euismod tin
cidunt ut laoreet dolore magna aliquam erat.
-Richard Sherman, Aging Expert
e mb r a c e & s a v o r y o u r ne x t c h a p t e r
ADVANCED UNCORRECTED PROOFSNOT FOR SALE
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s the baby boomer population retires healthier than any generation before them,
aging looks a lot diferent than it used to. A great many seniors are no longer sat-
isfed with their retirement years being defned by the personal and societal belief that
our days of contribution and passionate engagement with life are over.
Ron Pevny, founder and director of the Center for Conscious Eldering, presents
readers with a model for aging that is contemporary yet grounded in time-honored
wisdomfocusing on agings potential for growth, passion, purpose, service, and
spiritual exploration. Conscious Living, Conscious Aging shows readers how to:
Distill wisdom from their many years of life experience
Identify unfulflled goals and put plans for reaching those goals into action
Navigate grief and loss, seeing loss as a doorway to new beginnings
Discover new ways to contribute skills and passions to their communities and society
at large
Identify and transform beliefs, attitudes, and habits that stand in the way of realizing
goals and achieving a sense of inner wholeness
Use their gifs and wisdom to create a lasting legacy for the generations that follow
Pevny encourages readers to stop viewing aging as the twilight of their lives and
welcome a new dawn by not just growing old but by aging consciously.
RON PEVNY is the founder and director of the Colorado-based Center for Conscious
Eldering. He received his masters in integral counseling and psychotherapy from the
California Institute of Integral Studies. He is a certifed Sage-ing Leader with Sage-ing
International and creator and administrator of the ffeen-organization Conscious Aging
Alliance. He conducts workshops and retreats across North America at venues such as the
EarthRise at IONS Retreat Center and Ghost Ranch, New Mexico.
Copyright 2014 Ron Pevny
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CONTENTS
Preface vii
Introduction xi
1. Conscious Eldering:
Te Journey to Wholeness As We Age 1
2. Life Transitions and Rites of Passage:
Portals to Conscious Elderhood 17
3. Nature As Healer and Teacher 33
4. No Regrets:
Healing the Past to Empower the Future 45
5. Te Work of Forgiveness and Grief 55
6. Te Power of Story to Shape Our Future 73
7. Shedding Old Skins So We May Grow 87
8. Releasing the Past in the Death Lodge 99
9. Living in Between:
Practices for Navigating the Neutral Zone 109
10. Serving and Savoring As We Age 131
11. Consciously Building Legacy 143
12. Practices for Becoming and Staying Conscious 157
13. Finding Support in Community 169
Conclusion 181
Acknowledgments 185
Exercises 191
Recommended Resources 203
Organizations that Support Conscious Aging 207
Notes 213
v
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1
CONSCIOUS ELDERING:
THE JOURNEY TO WHOLENESS
AS WE AGE
I
ts all about perspective. The mouses narrow, up-close perspec-
tive of the world is very different than the broad view of the eagle.
The perspective of our ego is very different than that of our spiritual
dimension. Mouse and eaglepersonality and soullive together
with different types of awareness.
Our egos view our experiences, our goals, and our beliefs about
fulfillment through a lens that is shaped and colored by our society.
Our spiritual dimension, which has many namesI prefer to call it
soulsees a purpose for our lives that is not conditioned by cul-
tural norms and values.
*
1
_____________________
* In referring to the spark of the divine within each of usthe essence of our individuality at the deepest
levelI use the word soul. If this usage doesnt resonate with you, substitute whatever term you find most
meaningful. In describing the ineffable wisdom and energy that is the source and essence of all life, I prefer
the name Great Mystery. Again, use whatever term is most meaningful for you.
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2 Ron Pevny
How we perceive our lives and the reality of our aging depends
upon the depth and breadth of our view of lifes purpose. Of course,
we all have egosthey are the vehicles that enable us to function in
a material world. In many ways, the viewpoints and values of our
culture are necessary for the development of healthy, effective egos.
However, we also have souls. They give us the ability to access a
higher consciousness that is aware of the big picture. Our souls have
the wisdom and energy to help us learn from and create experiences
that can assist us in fulfilling the greater purpose of our lives. We have
both mouse and eagle in us. Both parts are integral to who we are, and
recognizing this is key to understanding conscious eldering.
Conscious Elderings Role in the New Vision
In the introduction, we examined a new paradigm of how aging is
viewed in contemporary society. All of its facets help to empower
people as we age, replacing a sense of diminishment, lack of purpose,
and dearth of opportunity with a much brighter vision for our elder
chapters. The Positive Aging movement is emerging and growing at
a time when medical advances are making possible longer lives with
more years of good health and ability to be physically active. This
momentous shift will result in a great many older people finding a
measure of happiness and life satisfaction that was not imaginable
until the last couple of decades or so. However, for many, even this
is not enough.
What I believe is lacking from most of the approaches of the
Positive Aging movement is recognition of the spiritual dimension of
agingthe souls eye view of our human life cycle. For a great many
baby boomers, the primary value of these Positive Aging approaches
is that they can help us extend the stage of mid-life adulthood, or
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Conscious Living Conscious Aging 3
add a second stage of mid-life adulthood, until very old age. At the
point when even age-defying and age-reversing diets, supple-
ments, and lifestyle choices can no longer defy our mortality, we are
on our own to prepare for death. Without considering the spiritual
dimension, these approaches reinforce the glorification of youth and
denial of mortality and aging. With this denial comes devaluation of
the aging process. A primary understanding of the dynamics of the
human psyche is lost, and with it precious opportunity for growth
and service in lifes elder chapters. I am not suggesting that the Posi-
tive Aging Movement is not valuable. Its certainly making a positive
difference. I am saying that the inner work of conscious eldering is
essential for bringing wholeness to this emerging vision of aging and
to those who are seeking to be all they can be as they age.
Elderhood As a Life Stage
To understand conscious elderhood, it is important to recognize that
the psyche moves through stages throughout our lives. Each stage
presents opportunities for growth and challenges to it. If we try to
hold on to any stage, or get stuck, our opportunities for experiencing
the fullness of the next stages potentialall of the growth, service,
and satisfaction that it offerswill be severely limited. At the same
time, our experience in our current stage may become stale and
unsatisfying, as our energies are not flowing freely in the direction
they want to move. In relation to aging, Carl Jung, that preeminent
researcher of the human psyche, characterized this reality in this
oft-quoted passage: Wholly unprepared we take the step into the
afternoon of life. Worse still, we take this step with the false presup-
position that our truths and ideals will serve us as hitherto. But we
cannot live the afternoon of life according to the program of lifes
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4 Ron Pevny
morningfor what was great in the morning will be little at evening,
and what in the morning was true will at evening have become a lie.
1
With todays extended lifespans, it may well be the case that the
afternoon of our lives begins later than it did in Jungs time. I dont
think there is much value in debating whether it begins at sixty or
sixty-five or seventy or later. What is important is to recognize that
something begins to shift for most people as they begin to approach
retirement age and envision life beyond. Those attuned to the needs
of their psyches and promptings of their souls are aware of this shift;
those not so attuned may not be aware. In either case, it is happen-
ing. There is a subtle inner call to introspection and less focus on
outer activity. This call includes a tendency to spend time looking
back on life experiences and trying to make sense of them. It brings
into our awareness the subject of legacythe legacy we have cre-
ated so far and still have the potential to manifest. And, even with
its modern association with being old and frail, something about the
word elder resonates in many of us; some archetypal memory of a
role in the human family that is important, valued, and honored.
The term conscious eldering implies and describes recognition
of, preparation for, and movement toward, the role of elder. We do
not live in a society where this role is established and supported. Our
modern world, where a much higher proportion of the population
lives into old age and secular values dominate the collective con-
sciousness is vastly different. However, the role of elder is archetypal,
built into the human psyche over countless generations. That energy
is alive in us. That role remains as necessary as ever for the collec-
tive human race, and for the individuals wholeness and fulfillment
in lifes afternoon and evening. The ways conscious elders will fill
that role in todays world will be as diverse as modern society; it is
as true now as it was in the indigenous world that this role requires
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Conscious Living Conscious Aging 5
preparationconscious preparation. This process is the essence of
conscious eldering.
The word conscious is key to understanding our potential for
growth and wholeness as we age and the range of practices that can
help move us toward realizing our potential. There is a distinction
between merely growing old and growing into elderhood. Becoming
conscious means becoming increasingly aware: aware of who we are
at the most authentic level of ourselves; aware the part of ourselves
which is conditioned by the many, often disempowering messages
implanted by society and family; aware of our emotions and how
they operate in us; aware of our talents, passions, aspirations, and
deepest callings; aware of our strengths and weaknesses; aware of
attitudes, beliefs, habits, and shadow elements that disempower us,
block our radiance, and sabotage our potential. Becoming conscious
means becoming aware of the emotional baggage and encumbrances
we are carrying as we move beyond mid-life adulthood, such as
unhealed wounds, unfelt and unprocessed grief, grudges and heart-
closing attitudes that require forgiveness, and stories of unworthiness
or victimhood that we have constructed over decades to define our
lives. Becoming conscious means increasing our ability to see our
lives with an eagles eye view. As we do this work, we embark on a
growth process guided by soul, which is working to unfold in our
lives through all of our experiences, whether we perceive them as
positive or negative.
From an even broader perspective, growing in consciousness
means growing in awareness (experientially as well as conceptually)
of our connectedness. We are one with all of humanity and with the
living planet that supports a vast web of inter-dependence. It is that
place described by theologian Frederick Buechner as where our deep-
est gladness and the worlds hunger meet.
2
From that knowing, we
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6 Ron Pevny
can make our most fulfilling and important contributions as elders.
And, at yet another levelhigher consciousnesslies experience of the
Great Mystery itself, the source and essence of all.
So, the work of conscious eldering is grounded in increasing our
awareness and then acting on what we know. The more conscious
we become, the more whole we are. However, this work is not easy. It
requires commitment, perseverance, and support. It is counteracted
on every level by the heavy, dark cloud of unconsciousness in which
we all live. Perhaps that is why classical descriptions of experiences
with higher consciousness are so often filled with brilliant light. After
even small breakthroughs in awareness, we feel a wonderful sense of
lightness. The opposite of being conscious is operating automati-
cally. With the ever-escalating pace of modern, multi-tasking life,
it is not easy to allow ourselves to slow down. When we shift out of
auto-pilot, we can let consciousness shine through, accompanied by
aware, intentional action.
This work may seem daunting: a challenge reserved for only the
most evolved or gifted people. You may conclude that you are not
one of those special few; you may not feel worthy or capable of such
wholeness. You may think you dont have the time and resources to
prepare for such an elderhood. Lest you despair, the good news is
that we dont need to completely fulfill any ideal of conscious elder-
hood to allow our potential elder wisdom and gifts to be recognized.
Everything we can give brings us great fulfillment; in small or large
ways, we are helping heal our world. Every bit of inner work we do
frees up energy and helps our light shine brighter.
Before we delve into what conscious eldering can be in todays
world, lets first take a look at the archetypal role of elder. Throughout
human history, elders have been nurturers of community, spiritual
leaders, guardians of the traditions, and teachers. They have been
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Conscious Living Conscious Aging 7
the storytellers. They have helped the younger generations inherit
the enduring wisdom and deeper meanings of life that lie beneath
the surface. In his book, Nature and the Human Soul, Bill Plotkin
summarizes the role of elders by listing the following ways that they
have traditionally contributed to the human and more-than-human
communities: