Understanding and Developing Christian Accountability
Understanding and Developing Christian Accountability
Understanding and Developing Christian Accountability
And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good
deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us
encourage one another—and all the more as you see the day approaching. Hebrews
10:25
A popular American TV show from the 1960’s was Dobie Gillis. In this hit show,
there was a character played by Bob Denver called Maynard G. Krebs, better known for
later playing Gilligan on Gilligan’s Island. Maynard was a “beatnik,” a precursor to a
“hippie” and a pioneer stereotype of the atypical “teenage slacker.” He was the person
who refused to work, was very lazy, and all of his energies were spent on conniving to
get what he wanted without earning it. His catchphrase was “wooooork?!?” when
confronted that he needed to work for something in order to receive something. He was
very funny and was just listed in the top 100 memorable entertainers of the twentieth
century. The TV episodes can still be seen today (I know this stuff because my church
is near Hollywood and many people in that industry go there). Maynard represents a lot
of Christian mindsets today—not the fear of work, but, rather “acccountabilityyy?!?” We
fear and hide from it as if it were an assault upon our lifestyle, fears, and plans. We do
not want to hear about it nor be tied to it. Yet, it is essential in order for us to grow and
produce godly character and fruit.
Some Christians have seen accountability groups alone as a place to vent all of
their frustrations in life. Yes, we need a place to vent, but if all we do is vent, we
accomplish nothing. Real growth cannot take place, as the venting will be all consuming
and will leave no time for instruction or feedback. The group will merely become a place
to gossip. Accountability is also not a place to find our inner child or inner warrior, or
warrior princess. Accountability is not about just complaining about how life has dumped
on us or a place to put others down; rather, it is a “compact” (a deeper agreement
beyond a contract) and system on how to become more Christ-like (Psalm 133:1). A
good accountability group will have questions, Bible study, prayer, listening, and support
at its core.
As it is, there are many parts, but one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, "I
don't need you!" And the head cannot say to the feet, "I don't need you!" . . . If one part
suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it (1 Cor.
12:20-21, 26).
We are accountable to God and to one another (2 Chron. 19:6-7; Ezek. 34:2-4;
Matt. 12:36-37; 2 Pet. 2:10-11). We are all fallen creatures; as Christians, we are still
fallen, but are saved by His grace. We are declared clean before God by our Lord’s
work; however, we are still full of sin. We all have items and thoughts in our lives that
diminish our relationship with God and our effectiveness with others. There is still a
process on which to embark to become cleaner (which I believe we never totally
become); this is called sanctification. As Christians, we are in the process and practice
of our faith, growth, learning, and maturity all the days of our lives. At the same time, we
are still sinners and susceptible to temptation, spiritual warfare, and our misplaced
desires. We have blind spots and need input from others to find them. If you really want
to grow in faith and be effective in ministry, you must be held accountable; otherwise,
you will fall, backslide, or be ineffective because of imbued pride. Sin will get you;
maybe not today, but tomorrow is still coming. Accountability is essential for every
Christian to help reach his or her full potential; it is a mandate to those in leadership and
ministry!
Having other people around whom you can trust and get to know more deeply
will enable you to know yourself—your strengths, weaknesses, and opportunities—more
deeply. You will be able to see in the mirror to your inner being and desires and see if
they line up to what God has for you. You will become more aware of issues,
relationships, and life as life’s purpose and God’s call are unfolded before you. Because
you see life and God’s Word more deeply, your behaviors and response to others will
also change for the better (Eccl. 4:8-12; Rom. 15:7; Eph. 4:9-13; 1 Thess. 5:11; Heb.
10:24; James 5:16).
The pages of the Bible are filled with stories of people leaning on others for
growth and personal and spiritual development. Deep connections help great leaders
overcome their struggles and see what they cannot see on their own. Most prominently
in the Old Testament are Moses and Aaron (Exodus), and David and Jonathan (1 Sam.
18-20). In the New Testament are Paul and Barnabas, and then Paul with Titus, Silas,
and Timothy (Acts 11-14; 2 Cor. 2:12). And, of course, our Lord Jesus, while He walked
this earth, had His twelve with an extra connection to the inner three, Peter, James, and
John.
Thus, we can surmise that accountability is not for just for those who are weak,
needy, or for wimps; it is for the strong who want to be stronger and the unconnected
who need to be connected. If you think, as a man, this is still just for the weak, consider
that greatness and authenticity cannot come about without humility and connection
(James 4:7-12; 1 Pet. 5: 1-11)! “Real men” will be accountable to other real men, and
real godly women will be connected to other godly women (Prov. 31). There is no way
around this vital call! God gives us the call to be deeply connected to one another
because we need it. The leaders in the Bible knew this well, Jesus modeled this for us,
and the only hindrance is our willingness to comply. Leaders and pastors who are not
accountable will eventually fall, and, until then, be very ineffective! God has called you
to be the iron that sharpens others’ iron, as their iron will sharpen you (Prov. 27:17)!
Thus, the bottom line of why we need accountability is, we will be tempted; and,
unless we have a system to protect ourselves, we will fall to that temptation (Prov. 6:27;
1 Cor. 6:18, 10:14; 1 Tim. 6:9-11; 2 Tim. 2:22)! The world is rich in temptations and we
can not fight against them effectively unless we allow the One who overcame the world
to infuse us (John 5:4), and not love the world (1 John 2:15). It comes down to having
trusting faith in Christ, and allowing His work in others to help keep us connected to
Him. His empowerment will be synergized when we are connected with others whom
we trust and who can warn us of coming dangers in our pursuits and thinking,
encourage us when we are down, and who will hold us accountable. The love of God is
often best reflected in the love and care of others. Allow that care to shield you from the
wrong pursuits in life.
Many Christians think, all I have to do is leave Satan alone and he will leave me
alone so I do not need accountability. The response to that is no, he will go after you
even more! We will be tempted by Satan and by his influences that seem enticing but
will only hurt us. Satan seeks, not to give us what we want, but to steal from us all that
which God has given. Thus, if we submit to God, then the devil flees; if we run to Satan
and his ways, God is far off from us. We can try with all of our might and effort to have
accountability, but unless others are there for us, and unless we are headed toward
God, it just will not work! The only thing that can thwart Satan is God. So, be in Him and
not in the world (Eph. 6:10; James 4:7-10; Rev. 12:11).
James is saying to first turn to God and surrender to His ways. If not, the ways of
Satan and the world will gladly take up that role. We need others in our lives to point out
to us the pitfalls before us, as we may not see them ourselves, blinded by desires and
wanderlust. We cannot do this solely by our own efforts and strength; we need others,
too. Others will see what we refuse to see, or what is blocked by our desires. It is about
the insight of others and the power of the Spirit working in us all. It is not the strength of
others; rather it is their eyes, words, and assistance, and our allowing God to be our
strength. To remove Satan from our lives, we have to fell him—not just ignore him, but
run away from him and to God, and allow others to help us in our scurry.
Objections to Accountability
Accountability may seem to go against our self-sufficient, individualistic mindsets
and fear of conviction. Most cultures and individuals like to be “my own person,” and
thus do “my own thing.” Most people do not like being told what to do or how to do it.
But, we need godly people in our lives to do just that—with love and care. Thus, we
have to learn to overcome our barriers of conviction so we can grow more in Christ and
with one another.
The other typical objection believers give is that we are not under any kind of law,
and now we have liberty and Grace, so it does not matter. A prominent Christian leader
a few years back asked me, after I had done a workshop on accountability, Why is this
important? Can’t I just live my Christian life as I please? After all, I have liberty in Christ!
I answered him to the best of my ability, but he just would not get it; shortly thereafter,
he fell and fell hard. It turned out he did not like accountability because he has been
having a long-term affair. He did not want to be convicted! Our liberation is not to protect
us from conviction; it is to enjoy our Lord so we can pursue His precepts as we realize
our indebtedness to Him.
Liberation simply means Christ has set us free (John 8:32-36; Rom. 6:3-23; Gal.
5:1). Paul was overcome by his liberation in and by Christ (Mark 7:18-19). He stressed
that we must behave and be responsible in the correct manner. We many enjoy our
freedom, but freedom does not entitle one to do anything one wants, just as living in a
“free” county like the U.S. does not, as we cannot steal or murder or not pay taxes.
What about free will? Yes, we have “free will;” Calvin spent most of his writings
discussing this fact. He taught that we have responsibility, and duty to faith and prayer,
three areas that require free will. We are still to allow His work to continue in us; the
Holy Spirit will lift our sin and our will out of the way. If you truly give up your will to God,
will you be liberated or would you be obligated as a servant/slave with no real life as you
would see it? The fact is that you are free in Christ! The question is how will you live
your life of freedom?
1. Freedom from law. (Rom. 3:19; 6:14; -15; Gal. 2:20-21; 3:23-25)
2. Forgiveness, acceptance, and access to His presence. (Rom. 5:1-2)
3. Freedom from having to base our acceptance on our performance. (Rom. 7: 7-11;
10:3)
4. Freedom from sin, and declared cleaned! (John 8:34-36; Rom 3:19; 6: 3-23;
1 Cor.15: 16; Gal. 3:10-20; 4:21-31)
5. Freedom from our own faulty thinking and superstitions. (1 Cor. 6:12-13; 8:7-13;
1 Tim. 4:1-5)
We are not to allow our liberation and freedom in Grace to cause people to
stumble by our actions or inactions. Our faith and actions are monitored closely by God
as well as by other people, and we must realize that our actions are more influential
than our words. We will either lift people up or bring them down! Hypocrisy is perhaps
the most deadly threat to new or weak Christians who fall victim to it, and is a heinous
sin against Christ and His children by those who cause it! We, as a body of Christ, must
seek to show right actions to one another, to be cautious, and to act with charity,
humility, and self-denial within our Christian liberty. We are still called to be responsible
in the correct manner. We may enjoy our freedom, but freedom does not entitle us to do
anything we want. A true Christian will never destroy another person's faith so he can
have his own way! Our freedom must not bring dishonor, division, or disrepute to the
church.
The first two objections are from theological standpoints, but what most of us
struggle with is emotional—our fears and cultural hesitations. Connecting with others
and exposing our feelings may be much easier for most women; but, for men, this is
sometimes a seemingly impenetrable barrier. It can be a scary business to share your
feelings and be open and introspective, as people may betray us, belittle us, or ignore
or step on our heart. And to tell you the truth, yes, that can happen. It has happed to me
several times, as close accountability partners have betrayed confidences and spread
rumors. However, the benefits have far outweighed the few times I have been wronged.
Remember, people will hurt you, because people who hurt are usually hurting
themselves and they do not know how to relate (which an accountability group can help
with). What can we do to overcome this obstacle? Be vulnerable, yet discerning. Only
allow people whom you already know and trust to be a part of your support group, and
advance slowly. Start off with a few of the simple questions and prayer; as you get to
know one another, you will build the trust. (I did not do this with the people who
betrayed me!) When we feel safe, we are more apt to share; this goes for both men and
women. When we feel safe, we better receive essential positive feedback, listen to
constructive criticism, and have a longer and deeper prayer time.
The key to effective accountability is to allow our pride to yield to the necessity of
being accountable to one another. Our justification in Christ is no escape from bad
things happening, because the world is still full of sin. It is a starting point to build and
develop character, patience, and dependence on God's grace, as Abraham did by faith;
we are accountable for our choices. God approves when we are walking in Him! God
does not approve when we are walking by ourselves, comfortable in our own petty
presumptions, and ignoring His love and truth!
Accountability Can Help Prevent Burnout
Burnout occurs when our spiritual energies are totally exhausted, and we have
no will or vitality to make relationships, or whatever our task is, work. We are completely
worn-out and spent. Thus, if we stay in our position without being refueled, we will just
be throwing a monkey wrench into vital components, causing them to break. If you are a
leader, your burnout is especially devastating to others because you will be the monkey
wrench that sabotages the machine of ministry. We may not desire or be willing to do
so, but because of our lack of availability due to the fact that there is nothing left of us,
we are of no service, and are, in fact, endangering the vitality and ministry of others.
The stresses of life and the hassles of family will get us down and test our limits;
even the best-run family will have this problem from time to time. So, how can we tell if
we’re just tired or are experiencing burnout? First, we need to ask ourselves the
accountability questions. If we are operating in His precepts, it is probably just
exhaustion. However, if we find ourselves being apathetic and detached from our
families, we have a problem. We have to be on guard against the most destructive
force, pride! Pride and arrogance will produce a superiority complex. Then, we become
careless towards others and lose our perspective of what God has called us to do. We
can hurt our family, our friends, and if we are married, cause intense harm to our
spouse. Either the pride, the refusal to set boundaries, the refusal to be accountable, or
a combination of the three will cause us to fall into burnout and lead us into sin. We
have to be willing to determine if we need an overhaul or just a good night’s sleep. A
mentor or accountability partner will help us see the warning signs.
You can expect that people at home, church, and work, in addition to your loved
ones, friends, pets, and acquaintances will ask you for favors as in your time, resources,
talents, or attention. This is good and you should do what you can, but there will be
times when they will deplete you, causing you stress. You cannot be everywhere nor do
everything! So, you have to learn how to build a fence that says I love you, but can you
leave me alone for now! The most important aspect in preventing stress is saying NO in
a firm yet kind way with an explanation of why. That way, you can be better prepared.
People deserve a reason; don’t just say no! Be honest, even if you just need time alone.
Do not feel guilty; you have to take care of yourself first before you can care for others!
Be aware of stress with family outings and projects, especially during holidays.
They are stressful for many people, so take a look at why it is that way with you. Why
does something cause you stress? Is it your time? Is it fear? Remember, you are not
indispensable; if you were, you would need help from a good counselor or pastor! To
help prevent many of the stresses of life, learn to plan ahead! For big events, make sure
you plan them out ahead of time and delegate! Do not try to do too many things or take
on too many projects, especially if they are new to you. If you are a procrastinator (like I
am), then force yourself to do it early. Once you figure out that life is easier and less
stressful when you do things early, you will make it a habit of it. Do not allow people to
force things on you just because you have done them before. They need to respect you
and your time. Assertiveness is biblical when it is operated within the parameters of
biblical character and the fruit of the Spirit!
Accountability helps make us aware of intrusions and stress, but it may take
others to see and to tell us to take breaks away from people so we can have more time
with family and God. Accountably will help refocus our spiritual awareness and even
help our physical energy. Prayer is our big ally to help set boundaries and prevent
stress amongst the spiritual and maturity implications! Do not feel guilty! Also,
accountability helps us be aware of anxiety, phobias, and mental disorders that
contribute to stress; those can keep us from our relationships and functions with family
and church. If accountability is not enough, that is OK. Just make sure you seek help
from a good counselor or trained pastor!
Becoming Accountable
Effective accountability has the emphasis on building quality and deep relationships that
will help us with the following (1 Thess. 5:14 Col. 3:16 Heb. 3:13 Prov. 25:12; 27:17):
Leading a lawless, indifferent, irreverent life while having a faith that is just fire
insurance from Hell may save you—may; however, you will reap dire consequences for
this mindset (Deut. 18:15; Matt. 22:13-14; 23;1 Cor. 10:11-13; 2 Cor. 5:11)!
God designed the church as the body of Christ. Thus, we are called to utility and
cooperation so we can be there for one another in times of fun as well as stress. We are
called to encourage and equip as well as hold each other responsible to the
commitment we have made in Christ as Lord.
But exhort one another daily, while it is called "Today," lest any of you be
hardened through the deceitfulness of sin. Hebrews 3:13
To get involved in an accountability group, first look for an existing one you can
join such as a small group through your church or a neighboring church if your church
does not have one. Make sure it is gender specific—men to men and women to women.
Most of these groups are found under men’s or women’s ministries. If none are
available or you are not led to one, hook up with another two or three people and start
your own. You can find people through a church leader or pastor. In this process, make
sure you are in prayer, asking God to lead you in the right direction! The substance of
why and what you are doing is more important than the form of how you do it. See our
small group channel for ideas, as an accountability group is just a small group with more
emphasis on accountability (ADD LINK). The key to making this work is for you and the
other participants to be open, submissive, listening, and authentic so you can confess
your sins in a safe, confidential environment.
How can we do this? By seeing others with the eyes of Christ—to see love,
compassion, and forgiveness. Take the one another passages to heart (INSERT LINK),
and when we do instruct, warn, or even chastise, do it in the parameters of the fruit of
the Spirit, without judgment or commendation (as there is no such thing in Christ!).
Then, we can be open and honest with one another. God gives us the faith, the
strength, and the empowerment to do this, and when we are with others, it is
synergized! It is not about our weakness, it is about His strength! When we rely on God
and build one another up, we grow in faith and maturity and become more effective to
one another. This is reciprocal, and will replicate and continue.
So, what is the final obstacle remaining? The commitment to make it continual.
Accountability is not just for a time, it is for all times, and requires our discipline and
dedication to keep at it. If we stop, we soon go back to our fears and complacency.
When this happens, sin that before was of no consequence has now grown big and is
knocking on your door. Commitment is essential to making anything that is precious
work, from a friendship to marriage to being a member of a church. We must be
committed and continual. Commitment brings about hope and growth through sacrifice,
as we pour ourselves into it while being fueled by our Lord.
The structure is up to you and your group. How do you lead an effective
accountability group? The same way you would a small group. Please see the
resources we have developed for you:
Accountability Questions
Take it slow and easy. Don't try, or even expect, to immediately delve into the
deepest, darkest corners of your life. Begin by having your close friends hold you
accountable for things like praying regularly and integrity issues. As you see the results
and benefits of this, you will also be building up trust, which is necessary for
accountability in more personal and private areas. If you need further help in this area,
seek a qualified and trusted pastor or Christian counselor. Also, seek someone to whom
you can be accountable. Do not just trust yourself; have a small group or mentor ask
you these questions on a regular basis!
Do not allow accountability in your Christian life or in your church to become a forgotten
call!
Key passages: Proverbs 25:12; 27:17; Ecclesiastes 4:8-12; Romans 14: 13-23; 2
Corinthians 12:19-13:6; Galatians 6: 1-6; Colossians 3:16; Ephesians 4:9-13; 1
Thessalonians 5:14; James 5:15-16; Hebrews 3:13
"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you
may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." -- James 5:15-
16
Below are some key Accountability questions you can ask yourself and/or have a
mentor ask you. These are designed for small groups and mentoring for those from high
school youth to seasoned adults. They are for men’s groups, women’s groups, and so
forth. Because of the number of questions, all you need to do is choose three or four
questions for each week. If there is a particular struggle area, add that one, too. Also,
incorporate one of the key passages above and spend significant time in prayer:
1. Did you spend significant time with God through His Word, prayer, quiet time,
devotions, and other spiritual disciplines? How much; how constant? Is He your
driving force?
2. What blocks your growth in Christ? What blocks growth, in your other relationships,
from becoming more mature and effectual?
3. How has your time with God been? Did you pray for others? Are you satisfied with
the time you spent with our Lord this week? How so? What can you do to improve it?
Did you pray for the others in this group?
4. Have you faithfully served the Lord, His people, and the lost?
5. Did you go and participate in church activities and worship this week? How so? Why
not?
6. Did you set spiritual goals this week? What were they? Did you achieve your
spiritual goals?
7. Have you made your family a priority? What noteworthy activity or deed did you do
for your spouse and/or family?
8. How have you struggled with sin? What are the sins that have weighed down your
walk with God this week?
9. What did you do to enhance your relationship with your spouse/friends? What can
you do to make that relationship better?
10. In what ways has God blessed you this week? How have you shared your
blessings?
11. What disappointments did you face? Did they consume your thoughts? What did you
do about it? What can you learn?
12. Have you filled the mandates of your call, work and school, practicing excellence,
and being the best 100% as you can be for His glory?
13. Have you committed any sexual sin? Did you look at someone lustfully? Have you
been alone in a compromising situation? Have you been flirtatious? Have you
struggled with pornography or “romance novels?” Have you exposed yourself to any
sexually oriented material? Did you put yourself in a situation with a member of the
opposite sex that could appear to be compromising, even though it may not have
been?
14. Have you shared your faith? In what ways? How can you improve? Have you had an
opportunity to share with a non-Christian?
15. How well are you handling your finances right now? Have your financial dealings
been questionable?
16. Have you been trustworthy? Have you lied? Stolen? Cheated? Been Dishonest or
Manipulative? Have you elevated yourself over another for your own personal
agenda? What about your language and attitude?
17. Have you allowed the media and its distortions in TV, music and movies to unduly
influence you? What about peer pressure?
18. Have you been prideful? Have you been guilty of Gossip or Anger? Slandered?
Shown Indifference? Been Greedy? Not Controlled your tongue? This hinders
people from knowing and trusting Christ the most!
19. Have you demonstrated a servant's heart? How so? What have you done for
someone else this week?
20. Did you struggle with a disappointment this week? How did you handle it?
21. Have you respected and treated your classmates, co-workers and peers graciously
by showing them compassion and the love of God in your words and deeds? What
can you do to enhance your relationships here?
22. How is your level of character, according to the comparison of Gal. 5:22-23 versus
Gal. 5:19-21?
23. How did you practice joy this week? Have you had a thankful attitude toward God?
Have you struggled with anger toward God? How so? What can you do about it?
24. Have you taken care of the temple of the Holy Spirit with rest, sleep, exercise,
healthy eating, etc? What about addictions, gluttony, or substance abuse?
26. Are you giving to the Lord's work with your time, talent, and treasures? What about
financially?
27. What do you need to do to improve your relationships with God and with others?
28. What do you see as your number one need or struggle for this next week?
29. Have you compromised your integrity in any way, or lied about the above questions?
Take it slow and easy. Don't try, or even expect, to immediately delve into the
deepest, darkest corners of your life. Begin by having your close friends hold you
accountable for things like praying regularly and integrity issues. As you see the benefit
and results of this, you will also be building up trust, which is necessary for
accountability in more personal and private areas.
If you need further help in this area, seek a qualified and trusted pastor or
Christian counselor. Also, seek someone to whom you can be accountable. Do not just
trust yourself; have a small group or mentor ask you these questions on a regular
basis!
“When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long”
(Psalm 32:3).
If you fall away from these questions, or refuse to have someone hold you to
them, then Satan will have a foothold in your life. These questions are not just for the
pastor or church leader; they are for all Christians who want to live a life of integrity and
significance. The failure to have accountability will produce sin. At that point, it is not a
question of if you may fall, but, rather, when you will engage in sin and destroy
everything in your life. The relationships and ministry God has given you as well as your
family and those around you, for generations to come, will be destroyed. Yes, there can
be restitution and restoration, but the cost can never be completely repaid. Just look at
King David; his sin had dire consequences with which we still live.
"The highest proof of true friendship is the intimacy that holds nothing back and
admits the friend to share our inmost secrets." -- Andrew Murray
The Christian life offers glaring, empirical proof that "all of us make many
mistakes," (James 3:2) and we are grateful for the forgiveness offered to us through
Jesus Christ (1 John 2:1).