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“Frank Lachmann displays extraordinary musical acumen, from his
evolutionary analysis of a baby’s 1st ‘Mmm’ to his exploration of
Beethoven’s 9th. As a cabaret singer, I was taken by his insight into how
Cole Porter’s songwriting affirmed his sense of self despite agonizing
pain and depression. In ‘The Self-​Restorative Power of Music’ Yo-​Yo
Ma refers to ‘goosebump moments’. During this time of isolation and
shut-​down of venues, I now experience those moments playing piano;
yet I long to express myself again in halls filled with warm hearts and
eager ears. To quote Frank Lachmann: ‘I sing, therefore I am’.”
KT Sullivan, Artistic Director, The Mabel Mercer Foundation

“This is a magnificent book written by a magnificent man who


integrates so much about the human condition as it is encountered
in music, in development, in the creation of meaning and in the
psychoanalytic Spielraum. We are also treated as a contrapuntal motif
to an intriguing inquiry into the complex logarithms that exist between
Jewishness and music. This is a must read.”
Jim Herzog, Training and Supervisory Analyst and
Child and Adolescent Supervisory Analyst, Boston,
Psychoanalytic Society and Institute,
Harvard Medical School

“Frank Lachmann’s book offers a heady mixture of provocative


ideas, striking insights, and deeply enjoyable and engaging personal
reminiscences and reflections. Drawing on a wide range of disciplines—​
evolutionary biology, neuroscience, psychology, music theory, and
more—​his stimulating, persuasive exploration of musical meaning and
the power of music to renew and transform both artist and audience
make for a compelling reading. His lighthearted quasi-​psychoanalyses
of Wagner, Strauss, and Porter—​ speculating on the intersections
between their lives and their art—​are both entertaining and illuminating.
Whether you’re an experienced musician or a musical novitiate, this
book will provide rewarding pleasure and rich food for thought.”
David Shookhoff, Director of Education,
Manhattan Theatre Club
The Self-​R estorative Power of Music

This book explores how we can understand the place of music from
a self-​psychological perspective, by investigating three journeys: the
one we take when listening to music, the literal journey of the author
from Nazi Germany to the United States, and the subjective round-​
trip between the past and the present.
Drawing on the work of Heinz Kohut, the author examines how
music can provide us with a way to reconnect with a sense of self,
and how this can manifest in psychological and physical ways. There
is particular reference to the work of Richard Wagner, Cole Porter,
and Richard Strauss, and an examination of how their music enabled
them, in times of stress and crisis, to restore and maintain a more posi-
tive sense of self. Finally, the book looks back at the author’s own
experiences of music and the place of music in the Jewish world.
With clinical excerpts, personal narrative, and sophisticated psycho-
analytic insights, this book will appeal to all psychoanalysts wanting
to understand the place of music in shaping the psyche, as well as
music scholars wishing to gain a deeper appreciation of the psych-
ology of music.

Frank M. Lachmann, Ph.D., a psychoanalyst and Founding Faculty of


the Institute for the Psychoanalytic Study of Subjectivity is author or
co-​author of more than 160 journal publications and books. He is the
sole author of Transforming Aggression and Transforming Narcissism
and honorary member of the Vienna Circle for Self-​Psychology, the
William Alanson White Society, and the American Psychoanalytic
Association.
Psychoanalytic Inquiry Book Series
Joseph D. Lichtenberg

Series Editor

Like its counterpart, Psychoanalytic Inquiry: A Topical Journal for


Mental Health Professionals, the Psychoanalytic Inquiry Book Series
presents a diversity of subjects within a diversity of approaches to those
subjects. Under the editorship of Joseph D. Lichtenberg, in collabor-
ation with Melvin Bornstein and the editorial board of Psychoanalytic
Inquiry, the volumes in this series strike a balance between research,
theory, and clinical application. We are honored to have published
the works of various innovators in psychoanalysis, including Frank
Lachmann, James Fosshage, Robert Stolorow, Donna Orange, Louis
Sander, Léon Wurmser, James Grotstein, Joseph Jones, Doris Brothers,
Fredric Busch, and Joseph D. Lichtenberg, among others.
The series includes books and monographs on mainline psycho-
analytic topics, such as sexuality, narcissism, trauma, homosexuality,
jealousy, envy, and varied aspects of analytic process and technique.
In our efforts to broaden the field of analytic interest, the series has
incorporated and embraced innovative discoveries in infant research,
self-​psychology, intersubjectivity, motivational systems, affects as pro-
cess, responses to cancer, borderline states, contextualism, postmod-
ernism, attachment research and theory, medication, and mentalization.
As further investigations in psychoanalysis come to fruition, we seek
to present them in readable, easily comprehensible writing.
After more than 25 years, the core vision of this series remains
the investigation, analysis, and discussion of developments on the
cutting edge of the psychoanalytic field, inspired by a boundless spirit
of inquiry. A full list of all the titles available in the Psychoanalytic
Inquiry Book Series is available at www.routledge.com/​Psychoanalytic-​
Inquiry-​Book-​Series/​book-​series/​LEAPIBS.
The Self-​R estorative Power
of Music

A Psychological Perspective

Frank M. Lachmann
First published 2022
by Routledge
2 Park Square, Milton Park, Abingdon, Oxon OX14 4RN
and by Routledge
605 Third Avenue, New York, NY 10158
Routledge is an imprint of the Taylor & Francis Group, an informa business
© 2022 Frank M. Lachmann
The right of Frank M. Lachmann to be identified as author of this work has been
asserted by him in accordance with sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright,
Designs and Patents Act 1988.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reprinted or reproduced or utilised
in any form or by any electronic, mechanical, or other means, now known or
hereafter invented, including photocopying and recording, or in any information
storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publishers.
Trademark notice: Product or corporate names may be trademarks or registered trademarks,
and are used only for identification and explanation without intent to infringe.
British Library Cataloguing-​in-​Publication Data
A catalog record for this book is available from the British Library
Library of Congress Cataloguing-in-​Publication Data
A catalog record has been requested for this book
ISBN: 978-​1-​032-​11660-​0 (hbk)
ISBN: 978-​1-​032-​00784-​7 (pbk)
ISBN: 978-​1-​003-​22095-​4 (ebk)
DOI: 10.4324/​9781003220954
Typeset in Times New Roman
by Newgen Publishing UK
Contents

Music videos  viii

Overture  1
1 Words and melodies, psychology and music  13
2 Thrills and goose bumps in music  29
3 Music as narrative  39
4 Richard Wagner: childhood trauma and creativity  58
5 Richard Strauss: creativity in crisis and crises in creativity  75
6 Cole Porter: trauma and self-​restoration  90
7 Finale: music and the Jews  105

References  110
Index  114
Music videos

Scan these pages of links to the music discussed in the text onto your
computer. Place the YouTube page on the desktop as well. Copy the
link you want to hear and paste it on the search space of the YouTube.
The video that accompanies the text will appear near the top of the
video list shown. Ads that often precede the videos can be deleted
through a button on the lower right-​hand corner of the screen. At
times YouTube removes some videos and posts new ones. The reader
will have to click on the video that most closely resembles the suggested
one. All this sounds more complicated than it really is. Enjoy the music.
*The following links were accurate at the time of publication.

Overture
The Lambeth Walk: https://​youtu.be/​gWzw6gCjPng
Horst Wessel Lied Die Fahne Hoch: https://​youtu.be/​2mpAkNjiM-​M
Kate Smith Introduces God Bless America: https://​youtu.be/​_​
zF7a0wB-​Lg
Schubert Symphony # 8 The Unfinished Solti, Chicago Symphony
Orchestra: https://​youtu.be/​1-​p58OSYhG0
Grieg Peer Gynt Suite Morning Oramo Berliner Phiharmonuker:
https://​youtu.be/​QCiQho5DzfY
The Threepenny Opera 1954 Complete at 23 minutes The Bulging
Pocket: https://​youtu.be/​UnnkS74kGx4

Chapter 1
Chabrier—​España: https://​youtu.be/​ZFF8l-​-​PhHQ
Bizet Symphony in C: https://​youtu.be/​3TuthxWVR4U
Music videos ix

The Merry Widow: https://​youtu.be/​ELufSzviGoU


Wagner Prelude and Liebestod from Tristan and Isolde: https://​
youtu.be/​zZreeVzaOEo
Bernstein at Harvard Plays the Beethoven Sonata opus 31, #3:
https://​youtu.be/​nezMfei5HPM
Beethoven Piano Concerto #4. Second Movement Begins at 19
minutes: https://​youtu.be/​e7DJMtEu4_​4
Contrast a Piece of 12-​tone Music by Schoenberg, Transfigured Night
(https://​youtu.be/​3Atur0Lj3uI) with Stravinsky’s The Firebird
Gergiev: https://​youtu.be/​RZkIAVGlfWk

Chapter 2
Cole Porter Every Time Say Goodbye, Lena Horne: https://​youtu.be/​
jqa5kNNaMlc
Schubert Piano Trio in E Flat: https://​youtu.be/​LFjkIrRjZZU
Sibelius Symphony No 2 op43, Bernstein Wiener Philharmoniker:
https://​youtu.be/​SAOf46CXaaw
Shower Scene from Psycho: https://​youtu.be/​0WtDmbr9xyY

Chapter 3
Der Ring Des Nibelungen: Das Rheingold [Boulez]—​ Engl. Subs:
https://​youtu.be/​3ZP-​yXsNV2E
Renee Fleming Capricio Final Scene Engl. Subs: https://​youtu.be/​
xnQjULW2DGo
Beethoven Symphony # 6 The Pastoral: https://​youtu.be/​t2VY33
VXnrQ
Tchaikovsky 1812 Overture Los Angeles 2017: https://​youtu.be/​
asUIEqA4lH4
La Marseillaise, Battle of the Bands in Casablanca: https://​youtu.be/​
HM-​E2H1ChJM
Beethoven Symphony # 9 Bernstein: https://​youtu.be/​IInG5nY_​wrU
Bach Brandenburg Concerto # 3: https://​youtu.be/​QLj_​gMBqHX8
x Music videos

Chapter 4
Von Weber Overture, Der Freischütz Jarajan: https://​youtu.be/​7ki0u
NJQClI
Wagner Rienzi Overture Tennstedt, London Philharmonic:
https://​youtu.be/​M2JjnB45D34
Wagner Overture The Flying Dutchman, Solti Cond: Copy the above
words to play instead of a link
Wagner—​Karajan—​Tannhauser: https://​youtu.be/​LTyj856BtWY
Tristan und Isolde—​ End of Act 3—​ Liebestod: https://​youtu.be/​
zZreeVzaOEo
An Introduction to Wagner’s Die Meistersinger von Nürnberg: https://​
youtu.be/​tXPY-​4SMp1w
Die Meistersinger von Nürnberg subt in Italian, English. French 1995.
At 1 hour and 6 minutes Walther begins his audition to become a
Meistersinger so he will be eligible to marry Eva: https://​youtu.be/​
X2ZoXZygRPw
Wagner: Die Meistersinger von Nürnberg—​Akt.3.—​H.Stein, Weikl,
Jerusalem, Prey, Clark: https://​youtu.be/​qiSbrDNlPgA
Beckmesser’s Humiliation at 1 hour 39 minutes
Walther’s Vindication Prize Song at 1 hour 49 minutes
At 1 hour 54 minutes Walther rejects the invitation to become a
Meistersinger
at 1 hour 56 minutes switch to video of conclusion with Engl. Subt.
Wagner: Die Meistersinger von Nürnburg—​Finale: https://​youtu.be/
u61XvPYyaE0

Chapter 5
Alpine Symphony: https://​youtu.be/​FQhpWsRhQGs
Death and Transfiguration, Tod und Verklärung: https://​youtu.be/​Pd_​
GmPLPpRg
Don Juan: https://​youtu.be/​KP89c9KfetA
Symphonia Domestica: https://​youtu.be/​ZtOr2CblMws
Till Eulenspiegels lustige Streiche Mehta: https://​youtu.be/​ZU556
MvQN6c
Salome Dance of the Seven Veils: https://​youtu.be/​hr2IiwreQ64
Salome Final Scene: https://​youtu.be/​cweQCnT97KI
newgenprepdf

Music videos xi

Der Rosenkavalier: https://​youtu.be/​3D7abQTy71I


Overture and the Opening Scene
Nein nein ich trink ka wein 2 hours 24 minutes
Och’s Exit 2 hours and 54 minutes
The most glorious trio in all opera starts at 3 hours 3 minutes
Strauss Olympic Hymn: https://​youtu.be/​it5O08mPQKE
Waltzes from Der Rosenkavalier Conducted by Richard Strauss: https://​
youtu.be/​PxoP-​lP8m7

Chapter 6
At Long Last Love Lena Horne: https://​youtu.be/​4KZbP8QhTl8
Ethel Merman and Frank Sinatra You’re the Top: https://​youtu.be/​
Vc7152gQK-​U
Mary Martin My Heart Belongs to Daddy: https://​youtu.be/​r404p
TC_​qGI
Roy Rogers Sings “DON’T FENCE ME IN”: https://​youtu.be/​WLoY
FvbR0XY
Kiss Me Kate Medley, We Open in Venice: https://​youtu.be/​oGLlxu
APcjU
Why Can’t You Behave, Kiss Me Kate Why Can’t You Behave
Brush Up Your Shakespeare: https://​youtu.be/​aSmZfnax1yw
Can Can https://​youtu.be/​aeM3tskWLxI

Chapter 7
David Hyde Pierce You Won’t Succeed on Broadway Spamalot:
https://​youtube/​R6VKf6bXCCo
Overture

As Jews, my parents and I had to flee from Breslau, Germany, in the


Spring of 1938. We traveled to Holland, Belgium, and then to England
where we boarded the Queen Mary for New York.
I was 8 years old, and we barely spoke English. So, a few months
before we left Breslau, my parents hired an English lady, Miss Green,
to come to our home to teach us all English. She had come from
England to Germany, as my parents told me, because she loved Hitler.
By then, we had become accustomed to having an ardent Nazi sym-
pathizer living in our home. In the mid-​1930s, the Nazi government
passed a law that Catholics were not allowed to work for Jews, but
Protestants had a choice. If they wanted to continue to work for the
Jews, they could. We had a Catholic nanny for me, and a Protestant
maid who worked for the family. Marta, my beloved Nanny, had to
leave, but Elfriede, our maid, opted to continue to work for us. However,
she immediately joined the Nazi party, and faithfully attended party
meetings every week. She would come back from those meetings and
say very proudly, “Unser Adolf wirds schon machen” (Our Adolf will
take care of everything). Of course, living with us, she could listen
to and would report any conversations that sounded “suspicious” or
critical of Hitler. We could not fire her; we had no choice but to live
with her.
Furthermore, when we packed our belongings to leave Germany,
Elfriede went through our apartment and pointing to paintings and
furniture, with an implicit threat said, “I want this. I want that.” Again,
we had no choice.
The Nazi government passed another law at that time, the
“Reichsfluchtsteuer.” That was a tax (steuer) of 50% of the money

DOI: 10.4324/9781003220954-1
2 Overture

that you wanted to take out of Germany (Reich) because you were
fleeing (flucht) from the Nazis. There was an upside to this law,
however. Rather than give all that money to the Nazis, my parents
booked passage on the luxurious Queen Mary to come to the United
States. However, that law also did create a potential problem for my
family because it could leave us with less money than the American
Immigration Authorities required us immigrants to be able to bring
to the United States in order to get a visa. To be issued a visa you had
to show that you would not become a financial burden on the United
States and had enough money to support your family for one year.
To get around that law my parents had to get money, secretly out of
Germany, before we left.
After the Reichsfluchtsteuer law was passed, whenever any acquaint-
ance of my parents, usually gentile, went on a vacation or business
trip to England, Belgium, or Holland, my parents would give them
money to leave with a friend who lived in one of those countries. In
that way we were able to get money out of Germany and eventually
avoid some of the onerous tax. We would then be able to show the
American Consul that we had enough money to support us for a year.
My parents’ code name for money was “Dora.” They would alert
whoever was going to receive and hold the money for us that Dora was
coming for a visit. When the money arrived, my parents would get a
letter saying that Dora had arrived and was enjoying her visit. In that
way, we were able to get enough money out of Germany to enable my
family to get visas. To collect our Dora we went to Holland, Belgium,
and England. In England we boarded the Queen Mary and sailed for
New York.
After my parents died, when I thought about this time, I wondered
how they had come up with the code name “Dora.” I knew that the
Nazis listened to phone conversations and censored the mail of Jews.
I discovered that a law had been passed that when you spell a name
in a phone conversation you were not allowed to say, “D as in David”
because David was a Jewish name. You had to say, “D as in Dora.”
I think that made Dora a great code word.
Back to the Hitler-​loving Miss Green. She taught us some expressions
that she said would be useful in America. She told us that everyone in
America has a favorite movie actor. And, when asked, I should say,
Overture 3

“My favorite actor is Mister Ginger Rogers.” She also taught us the
lyrics to a then popular English song and dance, The Lambeth Walk.
As luck would have it, the dance band on the British ship, The Queen
Mary, played The Lambeth Walk every night. Ironically, what Miss
Green had taught my parents and me turned out to provide a sorely
needed sense of belonging and bridge into our new world. It weighed
against our feeling that we were non-​English speaking, alien misfits.
Besides the British passengers on the ship, we were the only ones who
could dance the Lambeth walk. It thereby restored some connection to
the life we had to leave. Now let’s hear The Lambeth Walk.

YouTube Video
The Lambeth Walk

In Germany, my father had been a lawyer. To be a lawyer in the


United States required U.S. citizenship. That meant it would be at least
five years before he could earn a living and that eliminated law as a
profession for him. He became a Certified Public Accountant (C.P.A).
That did not require citizenship, just a year of study and passing a
state examination. And, thanks to Dora, we had enough money to
support us for that year.
My father would do his homework for the accounting courses
he took at Columbia University, and later work on the ledgers and
books of his clients when he began his practice as a C.P.A., at a large
handcrafted table–​desk that Elfriede had not taken, and that had come
with us from Germany. I would sit opposite my father on the other side
of this desk to do my school homework. Behind my father, until 1941,
was the Blaupunkt radio that had also come with us from Germany.
It must have been a strange experience for the Blaupunkt radio to
come to New York. In Breslau, my family sat around it to learn the
latest restrictions that had been imposed on the Jews. Between those
news announcements it played German march music. One popular
march was the Horst Wessel Lied. Another march, the name of which
I don’t remember, included the lines, “Und wen das Judenblut durch
die Strassen fliesst” (And when the blood of Jews flows through the
streets).
YouTube Video
Horst Wessel Lied
4 Overture

Only a few months later in New York, my family and I would sit around
that same radio to listen to Kate Smith sing God Bless America, written
by Irving Berlin, a Jew, no less.

YouTube Video
Kate Smith Sings God Bless America

In 1941, when World War II broke out, we had to surrender our


German radio at the local New York police station. Not yet being
U.S. citizens, we were considered to be German nationals and therefore
enemy aliens. As such, the U.S. State Department claimed, we might
get orders over short wave from Hitler and carry them out. No distinc-
tion was made between us Jews who fled from Germany and German-​
Americans who were members of the German-​American Bundt.
We acquired a new Zenith radio which, like the Blaupunkt, was
always tuned to WQXR, the classical music station in New York. For
my parents, this music provided continuity and a connection to their
past. For me, hearing this music served as an invitation into the life I had
seen my parents live in Breslau. Since 1939, WQXR has remained my
sometimes foreground, sometimes background companion. Even as
I write these chapters, the classical music of WQXR accompanies me.
With music filling our home, my father and I did our respective
homework. My mother and grandmother (my mother’s mother, who
had come with us) would be busy in the house, within earshot of the
music. Music being portable and speaking an international language
provided a sense of continuity with the lives my parents and my grand-
mother had left behind. Hearing the familiar music restored some of
their socially unrestricted pre-​Nazi German life in our economically
restricted but socially and politically safer American life. I think that
the music reminded them of who they once were, how comfortably they
once lived, and thus provided a sense of continuity with that comfort.
Hearing the familiar music situated them in the world that had been
torn from them. Hearing music, even when only in the background,
restored a sense of self that had been wrest from them and soothed the
challenges of adjusting to their new life. And the music included me in
their perhaps, by me, idealized but lost lives.
Growing up in Germany, I remember my parents going out at night
to the opera, an operetta, the theater, or to a concert. My father would
Overture 5

wear a tuxedo and my mother a long evening gown with a whiff of a


fragrant perfume that I could smell when she kissed me goodnight.
That elegant and luxurious life came to an end in the mid-​1930s when
Nazi storm-​troopers would enter the theaters and concert halls and
announce “Juden Raus” (Jews Get Out). All the Jews had to leave,
in fact they would not dare stay, lest they be recognized by the gen-
tile members of the audience who could, and would, identify and
denounce them. Just from that standpoint being able to hear music in
our new home in New York, without fear, built a bridge for my parents
to the identities and lives that they had been forced to abandon.
Hitler became chancellor of Germany in 1933. I actually retained a
memory of the day on which he was installed. I was a little more than
3 years old, and my parents and I went into the street with each of
my parents holding one of my hands. What I recall is the frightening
silence of the street—​as though there were no people, no traffic, and
therefore no sounds.
Prior to the Nazis, Germany was governed from 1919 to 1933 by
a liberal government, the Weimar Republic. However, that was an
unstable government right from the start. After 1918, at the end of
World War I, Germany was required to pay reparations to the coun-
tries that had defeated it. However, Germany did not have the gold
to pay for the reparations. The demand to pay set off political and
economic crises in Germany. The Nazi party that surfaced at this time
blamed the British, Americans, and the Jews for, what they considered
to be, the humiliating Peace Treaty that Germany signed at Versailles.
The Nazi party grew in strength, but not before Germany was plunged
into a hyperinflation.
I was too young to remember this chaotic time, but my uncle Ernst, my
mother’s brother, kept an album of his collection of the German infla-
tion currency, which he brought to New York. I remember seeing bills of
1000 Marks, 10,000 Marks, and even 100,000 Marks denominations. The
government printed the bills to pay its debts. All were totally worthless.
But there was another side to the Weimar Republic government.
During that politically and economically unsettled time, the arts,
music, architecture, films, and painting flourished. And during that
time, Jews did enjoy relative safety and freedom. It was a time of Jewish
assimilation into German life and especially into the cultural life of
Germany.
6 Overture

I know my parents had non-​ Jewish friends whom they invited


to dinner parties and with whom they played cards. My father had
non-​Jewish clients. In fact, when I was about six years old one of my
father’s gentile clients lent us his car and chauffeur to drive us to visit
my father’s father who lived in a neighboring town. On the way back,
I saw a man on a motorcycle come out of a side road at top speed
and slammed into our car. He was badly injured and he was wearing
a Nazi uniform. The police came and arrested the gentile driver of
our car. My father, the lawyer, defended him in court and was able to
get him freed. My memory of this event attests to the still respectful
relations between Jews, non-​Jews, and the German authorities. Only a
short time later, the fact that the chauffeur was driving a bunch of Jews
would have been used against him.
The life that my parents lost was a socially comfortable and culturally
rich life that they had come to enjoy. As a lawyer, my father’s clients,
Jews and Gentiles, became social friends for both my parents. At their
dinner parties I would be brought in to say “gute Nacht” to everybody.
After dinner, the men would retire into one room, our Herrenzimmer,
and the women retire into another room, our Damenzimmer. The men
would play a card game called skat and smoke cigars. The women
would play bridge and smoke cigarettes.
Going to the opera and concerts had been an integral part of the lives
of my parents, as it was for the generation in which they grew up. A big
hit in the 1930s was Die Dreigroschenoper (The Threepenny Opera) by
composer Kurt Weill and librettist Berthold Brecht. The biting satire
and ironic humor of the work appealed to both my parents. I did not
get to see it then, but my parents would frequently quote lines from
the opera, “Nur wer im Wohlstand lebt, lebt angenehm” (literally
translated as “only if you live in luxury do you live comfortably”). In
the English version of the opera, this line is translated as “The bulging
pocket makes the easy life.” (Later I will provide a link to the opera
when I did get to hear it.)
As my father and I worked at our respective homework and listened
to classical music, I became familiar with much of the music we heard.
I developed a particular fondness for Tchaikovsky’s The Nutcracker
Suite and his Fifth and Sixth Symphonies. When these pieces, and
others, were played, I would pick up a letter opener that served as a
baton and interrupt my homework to conduct.
Overture 7

Hearing classical music playing in the background as we worked


revived a connection to a familiar, secure past in contrast to our feeling
like strangers in some-​ways inhospitable, strange land. My schoolmates
in the 3rd grade class into which I was placed welcomed me with “Go
back where you came from.”
In New York, my father became a college student again whereas in
Germany, with his doctoral degree in law, he was called, “Herr Doktor.”
My mother thus was generally called “Frau Doktor.” Hearing the
music that they left behind served a welcomed reminder of that lost
past. Listening to the music with my parents included me in that world.
Because the public schools in Breslau had been closed to Jews, I went
to a Jewish school. This school had no gymnasium, so once a week we
were marched through the streets of Breslau to a public gym. That
was a terrifying walk for a bunch of Jewish children. After school, my
friends and I would play in a park near our school under the watchful
eyes of our mothers. The children of the storm-​troopers had joined
the Hitler Jugend, its Nazi youth division. While their fathers threw
Jews out of the concert halls, their sons in the Hitler Jugend roamed
the streets and parks of Breslau. Once a group of these Nazi teenagers,
wearing their Hitler Jugend uniforms, surrounded us in the park and
threw stones at us. Our mothers admonished us not to throw them
back since that would only make matters worse. So, we scattered. The
Nazi teenagers disbanded, and in a frightened state we returned to our
mothers. One mother advised us to pee in the gutter of the street so we
could calm down. For children to pee in the street gutter was not that
unusual in Breslau. I don’t remember what the girls did who were with
us, but I imagine they had to calm themselves vicariously.
In thinking about that suggestion now, it seems to me that the advice
was not so nutty. Although the solution had no relationship to the
threat, it calmed our fright by giving us a sense that our plumbing was
still intact. It was a self-​restorative act that engaged our bodies. Just
like music.
Music connected my parents with the world in which my father
had been a successful attorney. Doing my homework as music played
connected me with my parents’ world and with my father, in particular,
at this time.
When it came to music, I would describe my father as a conflicted
Wagnerian. Wagner’s anti-​Semitism (about which I will have more to
8 Overture

say later) was troublesome to him. However, my father and his friends
had grown up with Wagner’s music. In fact, they made up scatological
lyrics to some of the music from Wagner’s opera, Die Meistersinger.
In college, I had a classmate who was an extra at performances of
the Metropolitan Opera. Extras don’t sing but add to the number of
people in the chorus on the stage during crowd scenes. Once my friend
was unable to use his pass and it happened to be for Die Meistersinger.
He gave it to me and, although extras are not supposed to sing, I had
a wonderful time singing the scatological lyrics I had learned from my
father.
In addition to the operettas of Franz Lehar and Johann Strauss,
which were my mother’s favorites, one of my parents’ favorite operas
was Der Rosenkavalier. Through my father I had come to know and
like the music of Richard Wagner and through both of my parents, the
music of Richard Strauss. The music and stories of these composers
occupy later chapters of this book.
When I was in 4th, 5th, and 6th grades, a citywide music appre-
ciation program was taught in New York schools. We were required
to be able to identify by name and composer about 20 compositions
as soon as the opening notes were played when the teacher placed
the phonograph needle on the spinning record. My parents took my
assignment to learn to identify this music very seriously. So, we went
to the home of my mother’s cousin, Uncle John. He had brought his
entire collection of 78 revolutions per minute (r.p.m.) records from
Germany. Of course, he had all the recordings I had to learn to iden-
tify, and I got extra practice in identifying the music. This may not
sound as the best way to get children to appreciate classical music, but
it worked for me. Mnemonic devices were invented to help us recognize
and remember some of the music.
To identify Schubert’s 8th Symphony, called The Unfinished, we
learned to sing to its melody, “This is the symphony that Schubert
wrote but never finished.” And another musical helper was “This is
the morning, the beautiful morning, the morning from Peer Gynt by
Grieg.”
Let’s hear them.
YouTube Video
Schubert Symphony # 8 The Unfinished
Grieg Peer Gynt Suite Morning
Overture 9

It should come as no surprise that when I went to college, I would


take a number of music courses. The high point of my college educa-
tion was a course titled, “Sight singing, ear training, and conducting.”
I was assigned to conduct the class in singing the Steven Foster song,
“In the Evening by the Moonlight.” Finally, I was able to exchange the
letter opener for a real baton.
My youthful fascination with conducting an orchestra was later
absorbed into my interest in psychology. I think my interest in
conducting was rooted in my acquaintance with the father of the
first friends I made in New York. Pierre and Roger were immigrants
from France and their stepfather was Maurice Abravanel. While my
friends and I had our afternoon milk and cookies, Maurice would
sit with us and challenge us with word games. At night he conducted
the Kurt Weill musicals on Broadway. Later he became the con-
ductor of the Utah Symphony Orchestra and one summer he became
the head of the music school at Tanglewood, the summer home of
the Boston Symphony Orchestra. By that time, I was an adult and
owned a summer home there. One of the pleasures of living near
Tanglewood is attending rehearsals of the Boston Symphony. I was
able to reconnect with Maurice that summer and discovered that true
to form, unlike other teachers and faculty at the music school run by
the Boston Symphony, Maurice ate lunch with the students in the
student’s cafeteria rather than eating in the faculty dining room. He
clearly wanted to offer the students as personally rich an experience
as he could.
Another conductor who behaved unusually with the music students
was Leonard Bernstein. When he conducted the student orchestra,
he spent part of the first rehearsal connecting with many student
musicians individually. He would tell the student that he remembered
him or her from a previous performance, or ask someone he did not
yet know to tell him more about themselves. Guest conductors only
conduct a few performances with the student orchestra, but these
students played for Bernstein as they did for none of the other equally
renowned conductors. In music, as in psychoanalysis, the human
connection carries the difference.
In its fund-​raising requests, radio station WQXR in New York
asserts that music is all about connections—​connections between the
conductor and the orchestra, the orchestra and the audience, and the
10 Overture

past and the present. The parallel to psychoanalysis is striking as we


shall soon see.
My interest in psychoanalysis in relation to music came about in an
unexpected way. After my first year of college, I took a summer job as
a counselor in a day camp for mildly to moderately disturbed children.
The camp was run by Hans Epstein, another German Jewish refugee.
He was working on his doctorate degree in psychology, and as part
of his course work he gave Rorschach tests to the campers. He discussed
his findings at staff meetings to enable us to understand the children
better. I was fascinated by what could be gleaned from the inkblots
and soon began to take psychology courses. My interest in psychology
had actually been stirred earlier, when for a birthday, my parents had
given me a book of some of Freud’s collected papers.
One evening during that summer, Hans Epstein invited the camp
staff to his home to listen to some records he had just been able to
obtain from Germany. It turned out to be a German recording of Die
Dreigroschenooer (The Threepenny Opera). What a confluence of sur-
prising, fortuitous events. I had never heard The Threepenny Opera
except for the lines quoted by my parents and now here it was right
alongside my growing interest in psychology. Looking back, now,
I think my fate was sealed. I would find in both disciplines, psychology
and music, welcoming worlds that I wanted to explore and in which
I wanted to live. Now, let’s listen to Die Dreigroschenoper in its English
translation by Marc Blizstein as The Threepenny Opera.

YouTube Video
The Threepenny Opera

This brings me to the title of my book The Self-​Restorative Power of


Music. With a tip of my hat to Descartes’s dictum “I think therefore
I am,” I am proposing that music in all its guises, singing, listening,
or playing an instrument can add affectivity to thinking and thereby
makes music a powerful contributor to the “I am,” that is, to the sense
of self.
Singing, playing a musical instrument, and yes even listening to
music can engage the whole body, not just the brain or only the vocal
chords. Listening to music engaged my whole body as I picked up that
letter opener to conduct. Singing, playing an instrument, and listening
Overture 11

to music add affectivity and can restore a vulnerable sense of self


which thinking may or may not be able to accomplish.
Furthermore, as Leonard Bernstein (1976), among many others,
argued, music is pure emotion. As such, music has the power to trans-
form emotions; I will illustrate throughout this book but especially
in Chapter 2, Goose-​bumps. Three chapters are devoted to composers
I particularly like: Richard Wagner, Richard Strauss, and Cole Porter.
I have already referred to the first two. But, as I discovered, Cole Porter
turns out to be the poster boy for the self-​restorative power of music
as I relate later. Through the lives of all three composers, I illustrate
the contributions that music can make to the sense of self, to its self-​
restorative, self-​assertive, and authority-​defying power. No doubt a
similar argument can be made about many other composers. These
three are not unique in this respect, but I chose them because I like
their music in particular.
I can also trace my interest in the self-​restorative power of music to
the book on developmental arrests by Bob Stolorow and me (Stolorow
and Lachmann, 1980). We proposed that the sense of self can be
defined along three dimensions: temporal continuity, affective color-
ation, and structural cohesion.
Temporal continuity refers to the feeling that one is connected to
one’s past experience “I am still the same person who lived there, and
at that time then, and I have also grown or changed. Time may pass
but I am still me.” Affective coloration refers to a general feeling of
positive self-​regard. The positive feeling may be shaken at some time,
but at best a basic positively toned sense of self pervades. Structural
cohesion means that anxiety or despair may be felt but those feelings
do not take over and define the totality of one’s self-​experience. So far
in this chapter, I have focused on the traumatic disruption of temporal
continuity and how music can reinstate the sense of continuity. A sense
of temporal continuity can also organize a more positively toned sense
of self and a feeling of self-​cohesion. Temporal continuity can counter
feeling disoriented.
When my family and I came to New York, music had come to occupy
a special place in our lives. I think our flight from Nazi Germany
provided a background and sharp context that contributed to music
being valued and given its special place. If I were to describe this tran-
sition from Germany to America musically, I would liken the contrast
12 Overture

between life in Nazi Germany and New York to the shift from a minor
key to a major key. I illustrate how that musical shift sounds and feels,
later, in works by Schubert and Sibelius.
Our flight from Germany gave our enjoyment of music an extra
“glow.” We no longer felt so trapped and helpless. The soaring quality
of some music evoked a particular feeling of joy.
In a movement from a symphony, a theme from the beginning is
often reprised at the end but then appears in a new context. With that
in mind, here is another reference to Elfriede. When she made her not
so subtle, implicit threats, we were trapped and helpless. We had no
choice but to hand over some of our furniture and valuable paintings.
Her extortion really constituted a microcosm of the Reichsfluchtsteuer.
After World War II ended, Elfriede tracked us down in New York.
She wrote to us that during the war evidence of the social security
she and we had paid for her got lost. Without a word about the furni-
ture and paintings she had forced us to give her, she asked my parents
to verify that she had worked for us and that we and she paid social
security for her. Now we did have a choice. God bless America.
Chapter 1

Words and melodies, psychology


and music

As a young teenager, my father and I would take long walks on


Saturday or Sunday afternoon. One day we walked from our home, on
79th Street in Manhattan, to about 48th street. There, to our surprise,
we discovered that tickets were being distributed for a free radio con-
cert by the American Broadcasting Company Symphony Orchestra.
What an unexpected delight. We then often went to hear the A.B.C.
Symphony Orchestra, conducted by Max Goberman, who was well
known at that time.
The trips to hear the A.B.C. Symphony Orchestra had a special
meaning to me because at these concerts my father and I often heard
music that my father had not heard in Germany. This was music that
both of us now heard for the first time. For example, I recall a concert
at which we heard Chabrier’s España Rhapsody and Bizet’s Symphony
in C. My father had never heard either of the works and both works
soon became particular favorites.

YouTube Videos
Chabrier—​España Rhapsody
Bizet Symphony in C No. i

Many years later as I was becoming a psychoanalyst and lay on my


analyst’s couch, associating freely, amid the memories and narratives,
among the words that went through my mind, bits of music burst forth.
In speaking of my relationship with my parents, I heard, in my mind’s
ear, a theme from Bizet’s Symphony in C. It reminded me of the concerts
I had attended with my father, at which we both heard these pieces for
the first time. The music conveyed my bond with my father. In another

DOI: 10.4324/9781003220954-2
14 Words and melodies, psychology and music

hour, when recalling aspects of my relationship with my mother, I heard


the waltz from Franz Lehar’s operetta, The Merry Widow.

YouTube Video
Waltz from The Merry Widow

My Freudian analyst interpreted this memory as my Oedipal wish.


I had gotten rid of my father in depicting my mother as a widow,
which she was not, and a merry one at that. Equating the musical
passage with its title did little more than substituting words for music,
as though the title of the piece was my association. I think, in retro-
spect, it missed the point.
When my analyst interpreted my referring to The Merry Widow as
my Oedipal wish, getting rid of my father and making merry with my
mother, I recall feeling rather pleased by that interpretation. I was
becoming a Freudian psychoanalyst myself at that time, so I was
pleased to know that in my unconscious there lurked an Oedipus com-
plex, just like in everyone else’s unconscious, according to Freud. It gave
me a feeling of belonging, not being an alien and outsider anymore.
When I subsequently thought about that interpretation, I tried to
figure out what might have emerged had we investigated that musical
moment rather than just interpreting the title. Other meanings might
have emerged. Had we explored what The Merry Widow meant to me,
I might have recounted that when I was about 15 years old my parents
took me to see The Merry Widow. It was my first Broadway show. It
was performed by Marta Eggert and Jan Kiepura, who had sung this
operetta in German all over Europe before World War II. Now they
were singing it in English, here, in New York. When my parents took
me to see The Merry Widow, it reconnected them with an aspect of
the world they had lost, and, for me, it was an invitation to enter that
world with them. I was now old enough, and we could afford to go
to the theater. It was a memorable moment, the kind of “heightened
affective experience” about which my colleague Beatrice Beebe and
I later wrote (Beebe and Lachmann, 2002, p. 134). Such experiences
have an impact, an organizing influence, far beyond the actual time
that they take.
The Oedipal interpretation did no harm, but it failed to acknow-
ledge the meaning of my memory of The Merry Widow: a bridge to
Words and melodies, psychology and music 15

the idealized cultural and musical life that I saw my parents as having
lived in Germany. It was a world and a life that I had feared would
never become available to me but that I could now begin to recap-
ture. Inadvertently, my analyst’s Oedipal interpretation made me feel
that I did belong to a worldwide community. As a young psychologist,
I felt I was now a member of a community of people with Oedipus
complexes—​ just like everybody else. That may not have been his
intended point in making the interpretation, but I did make something
of it that I needed.
The take-​away is that the meanings that listeners attach to music
are private, precious, and unique, a topic that I will explore further
throughout this book. Had my parents taken me to hear another
Johann Strauss operetta such as Die Fledermaus or Zigeuner Baron,
both of which were performed in New York and both of which could
have served to connect us to our European past, the meaning of the
event would have been the same. Had I recalled a melody from either
of these Johann Strauss operettas, I think my analyst would have had a
more difficult time formulating an Oedipal interpretation out of “The
Bat” or “The Gypsy Baron.”

Psychology and music


Skipping over several years of my life, we now move more directly to the
interface between music and psychology. To explore this connection,
I turn to several essays by Heinz Kohut (1968, 1971, 1977).
I became interested in the theory of Kohut in the 1970s. In contrast
to basing his theory on sexuality and aggression, as did Freud, Kohut
emphasized the centrality of the sense of self. He formulated under
what pressures and threats the sense of self may “fragment,” relinquish
a sense of cohesion, eventuating in feelings of anxiety and disorienta-
tion. Kohut then discussed how psychoanalytic treatment can lead to
the restoration, transformation, and maintenance of the sense of self.
In the 1950s, before he had explicated his theory of the centrality
of the sense of self, in tune with the psychological writings of his day,
Kohut (1957) approached the enjoyment of music, as he did psycho-
therapeutic treatment and early development, from Freud’s viewpoint.
“The mother’s voice,” wrote Kohut and Levarie (1950), “becomes
associated with oral gratification for the infant; the mother’s lullaby,
16 Words and melodies, psychology and music

with the drowsy satisfaction after feeding. Early kinesthetic eroti-


cism, rocking the cradle, for example, anticipates the enjoyment of
dancing and may become associated with definite rhythmic patterns”
(Coriat, 1945, p. 142). Kohut was already connecting music to bodily
experiences, a theme he developed further in his later writings.
The relationship between music and psychology that is contained
in Kohut’s writings was typical of the 1950s. It was the time when
psychology relegated the arts to repressed sexual desires that push for
expression as acceptable social behaviors, vicarious means of conflict
resolution, and affect discharge. It was the time when psychologists
promised to unveil the mysteries of the world, love, sex, and the arts.
It was the time about which Leonard Bernstein (1982) said derisively,
“When Dr. (Lawrence) Kubie explained the creative process by simply
invoking the word preconscious” (p. 229).
Kohut, then adhering to a conflict resolution hypothesis, posited
that listening to music presents a threat that requires mastery in that
dissonance in the music and departures from the home key, create
tension. When the music returns to consonance and to the home key
of the composition, Kohut reasoned, there would be a sense of relief
and a feeling of mastery. By referring to feelings of tension and relief,
Kohut formulated listening to music as an experience that involved the
whole body of the listener.
A brief excursion into musicology may help to clarify this and sub-
sequent material. The home key, called the tonic, is the key in which a
musical composition is written. The tonic defines the beginning ambi-
ence from which Western composers have developed and elaborated
their musical ideas for the past 400 years.
Scales, keys, and the tones or notes that comprise them are derived
from the “harmonic series,” a product of the physics of sound. The
harmonic series contains all notes that are heard when a plucked
string (as in a violin) or a column of air (as in a flute) vibrates; that is,
plucking a string stimulates other notes, called “overtones,” that are in
a constant relationship to each other.
The harmonic series is important because it demonstrates that ton-
ality is an inherent physical property of vibrating objects. Different
cultures, Chinese, Indian, or Western, have made up different scales by
using different series of notes from the 12 tones that make up an octave.
Words and melodies, psychology and music 17

Some cultures use a five-​note scale, a pentatonic scale. We use a seven-​


note scale, the diatonic scale. All 12 tones make a chromatic scale.
The harmonic series pulls music toward tonality. This bias was
reflected in Kohut’s comments, but he recognized in his later work,
there is another powerful pull, a psychological pull, in analyst and
analysand, and I would extend that to composer, performer, and listener.
This powerful pull is the striving for self-​assertion, self-​articulation,
and toward defining oneself uniquely. In music, these are the contrary
pulls of tonality and atonality, of diatonic scales and chromatic scales,
and consonant and dissonant sounds. Armed with this brief foray into
Musicology 101, we turn to the relationship between the listener and
the music and between music and psychology.
The model for pleasure in listening to music that Kohut utilized was
Freud’s theory of sexuality. It is the very theory of sexuality that he and
many other psychoanalysts roundly criticized. An early critic was by
George Klein (1950). But, in the 1950s, for both sexuality and music,
Freud’s theory dictated that the aim was to get rid of the feelings of
tension, to “discharge” them, rather than to savor an exquisitely sen-
sual total experience, including an exciting build-​up of tension.
When it came to the enjoyment of sensual and sexual experiences, in
pleasures of mounting tension prior to satisfaction through a feeling
of release, or orgasm, poets, lovers, and composers had been way
ahead of the psychologists. The artists and lovers all saw foreplay, the
romantic build-​up of excitement and tension as an inextricable part of
the pleasurable sexual arousal.
An excellent example of elongating foreplay is Richard Wagner
stretching the erotic yearning of Tristan and Isolde for each other
over four hours. Wagner does so through a series of excruciatingly
ambiguous chord progressions that do not resolve but rather lead to
another unresolved chord. That is how the Prelude begins the opera,
and the unresolved chords only reach a musical resolution at the very
end of the opera. They are excruciating because each unresolved chord
in this Prelude, in which a key is not clearly indicated, does not come
to a resolution until the very last notes of the opera, in Tristan and
Isolde’s love-​death. There the chord progressions are resolved, indi-
cating that the two lovers have finally consummated their erotic desires
after death. We will encounter Tristan and Isolde again in the chapter
18 Words and melodies, psychology and music

on Wagner, but here is a preview of the orchestral version, without


voices.

YouTube Video
Wagner Prelude and Liebestod
from Tristan and Isolde

Like foreplay in sex, departures from consonance and the tonic key
provide pleasure. They do so not only because of the expected return
home, although such an expectation may be in the background, but
the very violations of the departures are pleasurable.
Departures from the tonic, excursions through modulations in
different keys, and violations of expectations are characteristic of the
development sections of musical compositions. In symphonic music,
for example, themes are taken up by different instruments and played
in different keys. In effect, they are “worked through.” Like analyst and
analysand, the performer and listener find a new way of looking at and
hearing old material. The old material appears in an ever-​changing
context. As in psychological therapy, in music, working through is not
designed to eliminate the impact of the old, but rather to embed it in
a variety of new contexts. Thereby the old is given a richer texture in
the present. In both psychological treatment and in listening to music,
active creative participation is required by all participants, performers,
and listeners.
In writing about music, Heinz Kohut also departed from his trad-
itional psychological perspective and hinted at novel interfaces
between music and psychology. First, Kohut (1957) linked the function
of music to the function of the psychotherapist. He extrapolated
from Freud’s advice about listening to patients with evenly hovering
attention by recommending that therapists should listen to “the
sounds of the patient’s voice, the music that lies behind the mean-
ingful words” (p. 243). In listening to a patient’s music, and not only
the words, Kohut paved the way, but was not yet ready to include the
therapist’s music, the therapist’s empathic immersion as a co-​creator in
the patient’s experience. He was not yet ready to depict psychothera-
peutic treatment as an improvisational duet.
Second, Kohut (1957) recognized the central role of repetitions and
rhythm in musical compositions. However, he related the prevalence
Words and melodies, psychology and music 19

and acceptance of repetitions in music to a reduction in energy expend-


iture. He did not yet have access to the empirical infant research which
demonstrated that rhythms can forge powerful connections (Jaffe,
Beebe, Feldstein, Crown, and Jasnow, 2001).
Third, Kohut likened music to “play,” thereby departing from the
anxiety-​
tension-​reduction model of musical enjoyment. However,
he linked the enjoyment of music to Freud’s observations of a child
playing “being gone” in order to master actively the painful passively
endured experience of its mother’s absence.
Fourth, Kohut compared music and poetry. A simple rhythm may
be covered or concealed by a sophisticated tune just like the deeper
primary-​process layer of rhythm or rhyme may be covered by the
verbal content of a poem. Here Kohut pointed toward a broader,
more complex artistic organization comprising surface structures
and deeper structures. This parallel between poetry and music also
fascinated Leonard Bernstein as discussed below.
At the time Kohut wrote that the pleasures of music are rooted
in early oral gratification, another psychoanalyst, Ralph Greenson
(1954, Lachmann, 2014a) theorized, in a similar vein, in his paper,
“On the Meaning of the Sound ‘Mm’ ” as in a then popular ad for
Campbell Soup:

Mmm, Mmm, Good,


Mmm, Mmm, Good,
That’s what Campbell’s Soups are,
Mmm, Mmm, Good.

Greenson speculated that this sound, “Mmm,” made with closed lips,
is the only sound a nursing baby can make and still keep all the milk in
his mouth. Greenson supported his view by listing all the languages
in which the word mother begins with or builds on the “Mmm”
sound: mama, mommy, mutter, madre, mere, and so on.
Fast forward to the 1970s. Although Greenson did not pursue the
evolution of the Mmm sound and Kohut never updated his study of
music in accord to his later self-​psychology contributions, Leonard
Bernstein took up both of these challenges. He presented his ideas
in his Norton Lecture series, given at Harvard in 1976, titled, “The
Unanswered Question,” utilizing the title of the composition by Charles
20 Words and melodies, psychology and music

Ives. This question is, “Whither Music?” Remarkably, Bernstein’s ideas


are quite consistent with Kohut’s theories, especially as informed by
contributions from empirical infant research.
Bernstein (1976) credited two major sources that influence his
ideas. One source was the work of linguist, philosopher, and cogni-
tive researcher Noam Chomsky on the deep structures of grammar,
transformational grammar. Bernstein wanted to parallel Chomsky’s
work by delineating comparable deep structures, transformational
processes, for music. Bernstein was also influenced by his Harvard
Philosophy Professor David Presall’s cross-​disciplinary emphasis: the
best way to know one discipline is in the context of another discipline.
So, Bernstein set out to examine the structure of music in the context
of poetry, linguistics, aesthetics, and physics.
One night in 1973, Leonard Bernstein (1976) said, he could not
sleep and he spent the night speculating about the origins of music.
His musings were similar to Greenson’s but with a twist. For Greenson
the sound Mmm was linked to oral gratification. Bernstein, however,
linked what he imagined to be primal Mmm and Aaa sounds to the
foundation of music and to communication.
Bernstein imagined a newborn in prehistoric times trying out his
newfound voice, Mmm, just like Greenson’s baby. However, when
hungry, Bernstein imagined an infant calling for his mother’s attention
with Mmm, Mmm, and opening his mouth to receive the nipple, Mmm-​
Aaa. Then with an intensification of hunger or with impatience or
delight, the word is prolonged, Maaa. And, imagined Bernstein, from
his evolutionary perspective, we are now singing. “What we seem to be
getting to,” he wrote, “is a hypothesis that would confirm a cliché—​
namely, Music is Heightened Speech” (p. 15). The cause of such
heightening would be intensified emotion. However, in the remainder
of the lectures, Bernstein challenged that cliché. Music is even more,
much more, than heightened speech.
For Greenson and Kohut, their infant made sounds, and satisfactions
or rewards reinforced these sounds. Bernstein’s infant, however,
anticipated the motivational systems theory of Joe Lichtenberg, Jim
Fosshage, and Lachmann (2010). Bernstein’s infant was motivated by
sensuality, needs to exercise physiological functions and to meet physio-
logical requirements, and was motivated by curiosity, exploration,
Words and melodies, psychology and music 21

assertion, and attachment. Thus, following Bernstein, music, commu-


nication, motivational systems theory, and infant research all share a
common beginning in prehistoric times.
These speculations, however, do not yet include a responsive envir-
onment whereby infant and caregiver co-​construct and interactively
regulate experiences of satisfaction and frustration. The infant is still
depicted as essentially shaped by, but not yet shaping, its environment.
Yet Bernstein did recognize a co-​construction model in the creation of
the musical experience, as he demonstrated in his lectures.
Listening to music is, of course, complexly embedded in cultural,
emotional, intellectual, and developmental influences. It becomes an
interactive process, in which we can be piqued by curiosity, delighted
by novelty, enticed by the unexpected, and shocked by surprises.
Pleasure resides in the challenge as we follow the intricacies of the
music. We crescendo with joy and decrescendo in exhaustion. But,
most important, we have to engage in a manner that co-​constructs the
musical experience with the composer and performer.
As in the empirical infant research, in listening to music, co-​
construction does not mean that each participant, composer, per-
former, and listener contributes similarly or equally to the experience.
Rather, each contributes, influences, and is influenced by the other in
some manner. When Bernstein plays the Beethoven Sonata opus 31,
#3, for example, he feels the notes as longings and teasing. He “hears”
and plays a dialogue between the plaintive opening bars and the some-
what sterner melodic response. Through his performance, he illustrates
the co-​construction of the musical experience by composer, performer,
and listener. But from where do these yearnings arise, these feelings
that Bernstein expresses as he plays? Is it in the music? Is it in Bernstein
as performer? Or Bernstein as listener? Is it intrinsic to the “meaning”
of the music?

YouTube Video
Bernstein Plays Beethoven Sonata opus 31, #3

Bernstein (1976) asked, “Did Beethoven feel all that, or anything


like it? Did I make up these feelings, or are they to some degree related
to Beethoven’s feelings transferred to me through his notes?” (p. 138).
22 Words and melodies, psychology and music

His response is “both” and is consistent with his belief in the inherent
ambiguity of music and the power of expressivity of music.
Bernstein distinguished the expressive power of music from the
meaning of music. Expressive power relies on the contributions of
the listener as in the just discussed Beethoven Piano Sonata. Musical
meanings are different, Bernstein emphasized. Music does not mean
anything literal. It is abstract, generated by a constant stream of
metaphors and transformations. But, I argue, as listeners, we do endow
music with personal meaning as I have illustrated so far, with the Bizet
Symphony in C and The Merry Widow.
Like Kohut, Bernstein draws a parallel between poetry and music. He
argues that prose can be transformed into poetry through metaphors
and various figures of speech, for example, deletions and devices such
as embedding, thesis and antithesis, and repetition.
Here is some prose: Juliet is a girl. Romeo’s usual temperature is
98.6 degrees Fahrenheit. When Romeo stands near Juliet, his tem-
perature rises to 98.8 degrees Fahrenheit. The sun is at the center of
our solar system. The rays of the sun light up and warm those parts
of the earth that they touch. Here is Shakespeare’s poetic version of
that prose: “Juliet is the sun.” Considerable deletions of the prose are
required to create the poetic metaphor “Juliet is the sun.”
In music, transformations are accomplished through “figures of
speech” and similar devices: thesis and antithesis, opposition of con-
sonance and dissonance, imitation, alliteration, varieties of rhythms,
harmonic progressions, symmetry, and repetitions. Symmetry and
repetition occupy a special place. When we listen to music, we are
primed to expect balance, symmetry, and repetition. Violations of
expectations and violations of symmetry become the source of excite-
ment that music evokes.
June Hadley (1989), a neurobiologist, found that, primarily, we are
neurologically programmed to seek repetition and the novel, then to
maintain arousal within tolerable limits, and then to seek pleasure and
to avoid pain. Just as in early development, violations of expectations
of the familiar, within certain limits, are attention grabbers. They rivet
our interest and delight us. As listeners to music, we expect the familiar
and the novel. As did Leonard Bernstein when he played the Beethoven
Sonata, we also impose our own shape on what we hear. Together with
Words and melodies, psychology and music 23

the performer, live or recorded, we co-​construct a personal and highly


abstract aesthetic experience.
Repetition in music introduces a sense of time, in some ways real
time. Like the ticking of a clock, repetition contains, moves, and
frames the listening experience. Philosopher Susan Langer (1953)
explained that “the ticking of a clock is repetitious and regular, but
not in itself rhythmic; the listener’s ear hears rhythm in the succession
of equal ticks” (p. 126). With Dan Stern (1995), she holds that rhythm
is our subjective way of organizing repeating units of time. We move
with rhythm, and rhythm makes us, and music, move. Our experience
of repetition is derived from our capacity, already present at birth, to
distinguish rhythms. According to infant researchers DeCasper and
Carstens (1980), rhythm discrimination does not need to be learned.
Stern (1995) placed repetitions and rhythm, a beat that repeats, at a
critical juncture in the construction of representations and in the tem-
poral contouring of feelings. Rhythms can be a source of familiarity
and novelty, as well as the scaffold for affect.
Empirical studies of the extraordinary place of rhythm have yielded
a voluminous literature on vocal rhythm coordination between adult
pairs and between infants and adults.
In vocal rhythm coordination (Jaffe et al., 2001), microphones are
placed on the neck of each member of the two conversationalists being
studied. The microphones do not pick up the content of the dialogue;
rather they pick up the on–​off pattern of sound and silence. That is,
they pick up the rhythm of the speaker but not the words. They track
variables such as vocalization, pausing, and the patterns of turn taking,
how partners in a conversation negotiate when one talks and then stops
talking and the other begins to talk. Vocal rhythm coordination means
that each person’s rhythm is predictable from that of the other. Adult
partners in a conversation tend to coordinate with each other’s vocal
rhythm. Adults have two modes of speaking—​adult-​directed speech
and infant-​directed speech. Infants have only one mode. When adults
speak with infants, they alter their pitch, rhythm, and usual manner of
speech. Although they talk in “infanteze,” a rhythm of turn taking is
nevertheless established.
Vocal rhythm in speech is a basic ingredient of interactions and
it predicts secure attachments between the two participants. Vocal
24 Words and melodies, psychology and music

rhythms are interactively organized. Greenson and Bernstein could have


imagined mother–​infant pairs in which the infants Mm to their mothers
and the mothers make sounds that approximate the baby’s vocaliza-
tion; thereby the verbal–​musical repertoire of the babies can increase.
Similarly, as we listen to music or to the associations of our patients,
our accompanying rhythms are likely to alter, as we mold our rhythms
to the rhythms of the other and they mold their rhythms to ours. In
this rhythmic interaction, our own repertoire of rhythms will increase.
The beat of our music and that of our patients can be coordinated or
syncopated, but, one hopes, we do not get too far off the beat.
Coordinating one’s own vocal timing with that of the partner, whether
infant or adult, is crucial for the infant’s social development, as well as
for adult relationships. This molding or coordination occurs outside of
awareness. It belongs to the realm of procedural memory, to skills or
action sequences that are encoded as procedures. An example of pro-
cedural memory might be how to drive a car after you have learned to
drive and have driven for a while. Over time, these procedures become
automatic and influence processes that guide behavior. In adults, pro-
cedural memories are content-​free, in the sense that they entail the
learning of processes rather than information. Procedural memories
guide the way in which we engage in a dialogue.
When jazz musicians improvise, they converse with each other and
with their listeners. People talking; musicians improvising; soloists,
duos, or soloist and an orchestra playing are all engaged in dialogues.
The dialogue may be abstract and ambiguous, but some degree of
turn-​taking still prevails. Compare an infant–​adult “conversation,”
which already has the structure of two people talking but may consist
only of giggles and sounds, with the dialogue between the piano and
the strings from Beethoven’s Piano Concerto #4.
In his Piano Concerto in G # 4 Beethoven offers an illustration of
a dialogue without the use of words, just through music. The second
movement of this concerto begins as a conversation between the strings
and the piano. The string instruments make an assertive statement,
and the piano responds in a more placating tone. They go back and
forth a few times until they finally get together.

YouTube Video
Beethoven Piano Concerto #4 2nd mvt.
Words and melodies, psychology and music 25

We are born with an orientation toward rhythmically coordinated


interpersonal interactions, a sharing of our pulses and our heartbeats.
In fact, Bach scholar Russell Miles (Lachmann, 1950) proposed, the
beat of Baroque music, the beat of Bach’s music, was the beat of
the human heart, about 72 beats per minute. The conductor needs to
maintain a steady beat. According to Miles, when Bach wanted the
music to move more slowly, he would write it in half or whole notes.
When Bach wanted the music to move more rapidly, he would write
it in eighth and sixteenth notes. The harmonic series is derived from
physics, but rhythms are derived from the biology and physiology of
the body.
Rhythm and time, the regularity of beats, and the spacing of beats
into a time frame are basic organizations that hold together dialogues
between infant and caretaker, between conversationalists, and between
musician and listener.
The evolution of music from its origins in Mmm, Aaah, and Ma to
the time of Bach took many centuries. However, coexisting with all the
transformations that characterized musical history, tonality retained
its hold. After all, as Leonard Bernstein has argued, it derived from
a fundamental physical principle, a universal. Tonality began to be
undermined in 19th-​century music. It crumbled in the beginning of
the 20th century. The door to the challenge of musical tradition was
opened by the operas of Richard Wagner and later the impressionistic
works of Claude Debussy. In different ways for each, chromaticism
gained the upper hand over diatonism. Recall the unsettling opening
chords of Tristan and Isolde. Nevertheless, both Wagner and Debussy
still retained a hold on form. In spite of their tonal revolutions and
their studied ambiguities, their compositions retained an impeccable
structure. But the die was cast, and in the early 20th century, composers
made concerted efforts to break the mold of tonal music. Foremost
among these renegades was Arnold Schoenberg. He devised a system
of music called Twelve Tone; no note could be repeated until all the
other 11 notes had been used. Theodor Adorno in “The Philosophy
of Modern Music” (as cited in Bernstein, 1976) passionately defended
Schoenberg, considering his work totally sincere, all truth and beauty,
as opposed to what he considered to be the epitome of insincere music,
Igor Stravinsky. Yet, though admiring of Schoenberg, Bernstein (1976)
weighed in on the side of Stravinsky. He summed it up as follows:
26 Words and melodies, psychology and music

Stravinsky and Schoenberg were after the same thing in different


ways. Stravinsky tried to keep musical progress on the move by
driving tonal and structural ambiguities on and on to a point of
no return.
Schoenberg, foreseeing this point of no return, and taking his
cue from the Expressionist movement in the other arts, initiated
a clean, total break with tonality altogether, as well as with
symmetry.
(p. 271)

The point of no return is the point at which there is no more ton-


ality, no more home key, and a break with the past. It is a point toward
which Stravinsky moved, but never reached. Yet even in 12-​tone music
there is organization of sorts but not the anchor provided by tonality.
Bernstein’s Norton Lectures were a plea for a measure of tonality. His
argument resembled Kohut’s (1981) reference to the astronauts in orbit.
At a possible point of no return for them, they voiced a preference for
crashing into the earth, returning home, rather than spinning off into
space. Similarly, Bernstein is arguing for a return to the home key.
Adorno’s arguments have a familiar ring to followers of the con-
troversies in the psychology literature. Adorno described Schoenberg’s
music as sincere and authentic, whereas Stravinsky’s music was insin-
cere and inauthentic. Schoenberg’s work was stark, quite ingenious,
deeply personal, and subjective. Stravinsky’s work was detached,
objective, and regressive, which meant that he maintained a connection
with the past. However, to some listeners Schoenberg sounds mechan-
ical and Stravinsky sounds serious, yet with humor, irony, and whimsy.
My preference, given a choice between these two composers, is for
Stravinsky. Try this experiment.

Play on YouTube Video the 12-​tone music by Schoenberg


Transfigured Night
and contrast it to Stravinsky’s The Firebird

The survival of music, in the face of renegades and fads, following


Bernstein, is based on the recognition and acceptance of certain
“universals.” Tonality is deeply rooted in us. It is like a container.
Words and melodies, psychology and music 27

It provides continuity and a “fence” around musical excursions,


variations, adventures, and experiments. We are bound to tonality and
rhythm, not only by conventions, traditions, and education, but by the
universal of the harmonic series and our bearing hearts.
Let us position psychology, psychotherapy, and psychoanalysis in
the realm of the arts, (Lachmann, 2016) of poetry and music, an area
defined by ambiguity and abstraction. In psychological discourse, as
in music, there is an ambiguity where the meanings of one participant
or contributor overlap with the meanings of another. These are our
procedures, where our rhythms and communications interface.
Like Kohut (1981) in his description of the astronauts who preferred
to die by crashing into the earth, going home, rather than spinning
off endlessly into space, if it came down to it, Bernstein envisioned
the rediscovery and reacceptance of tonality in the latter part of the
20th century as furthering musical progress in “friendly competi-
tion.” Like Kohut, Bernstein envisioned intergenerational mentoring
as triumphing over competitive rivalries. Progress in music is built on
two interconnected universals: the harmonic series assuring the sur-
vival of tonality and a musical syntax, which, like poetry, utilizes
metaphors and recognizes the appeal of symmetry and repetition as
well as violations of expectations. This was Bernstein’s answer to the
question, “Whither music?”
And “Whither psychology, psychotherapy, and psychoanalysis?”
Universals tend to give us indigestion. We don’t trust them because we
value the infinite variety of human nature. But let us consider psycho-
therapeutic treatment as an art form like poetry and music, not a branch
of philosophy, not a branch of a natural or even humanistic science,
not a branch of biology or physics, but as an art. Psychotherapeutic
treatment may share some perspectives with philosophy and science
but grows out of our shared rhythms of communication. Therapist
and patient are both performers and listeners, co-​composing a thera-
peutic interlude to celebrate the unique individuality we prize: our dis-
sonant natures, our chromatic emotions, and our atonal self-​states. In
those improvisational duet, faint voices get amplified, and blaring, stri-
dent voices get muted, inner voices become themes, and themes modu-
late into other themes. Rhythms are shared and syncopated. Music
emerges, previously unheard by either participant.
Another random document with
no related content on Scribd:
The Project Gutenberg eBook of Mary
This ebook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States
and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no
restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it
under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this
ebook or online at www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the
United States, you will have to check the laws of the country where
you are located before using this eBook.

Title: Mary

Author: Sári Ferenczi

Release date: January 4, 2024 [eBook #72613]

Language: Hungarian

Original publication: Budapest: Franklin-Társulat, 1913

Credits: Albert László from page images generously made available


by the Hungarian Electronic Library

*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MARY ***


MARY

IRTA

ASBÓTHNÉ FERENCZI SÁRI

BUDAPEST
FRANKLIN-TÁRSULAT
MAGYAR IROD. INTÉZET ÉS KÖNYVNYOMDA

1913
FRANKLIN-TÁRSULAT NYOMDÁJA.
I.

Október végén egy napos vasárnap délelőtt találkozott Mary


először Fialla Oszkárral. Sétából jött haza, a hajában még ott volt
egy-egy sárga levéltörmelék, az övében egy vörös ág. Messze
elment, a hosszú, kopasztörzsű német fenyők közül, melyeknek
számára nincs tavasz, sem tél, sem nyár, sem ezerszínű tarka ősz.
Mary a tölgyerdőben járt, olyan volt minden odakint, mintha
aranynyal szórta volna tele valami tékozló király. Az aranynak
minden szines pompája ott csillogott az utolsó órákat élő leveleken.
Szelid napfény tette derültté, barátságossá a hervadást és mint
valami mosolygó renaissance ötvös-művész úgy cizellálta ki az
aranyesőt.
Most az üveges tornáczon ült Mary, kezében irón, előtte rajzlap,
egy vázában meg szanaszét az asztalon sárga, barna, vöröslevelű
ágak, vörösbabos galagonya, kékbogyós kökény és a kecskerágó
furcsa, sárgaszemű termése. Az egészen pedig átfonódott egy
selymes, fehér iszalag-inda.
A nap besütött és Mary szeretett volna valami nagyon szépet
csinálni. Mit? Azt nem tudta, de különös új formákba akarta
belestilizálni az előtte levő ágakat, a napot, a sétájának és az egész
erdőnek az emlékét. Nagy, erős, kúsza vonalakat érzett hasonlóan a
vágyhoz, a mely kinn, a sárga fák alatt fogta el. Vágy, a milyet az
első fiatalságában sem érezett, a milyet a tavasz soha, csak az ősz,
a bizonytalanság tud megteremteni, mikor a napnak, melegnek és a
természet tarka, múlékony díszének órái már meg vannak
számlálva.
Egy órája ült ott Mary, kezében az irónnal és még semmit sem
csinált, csak ült előre hajolva, kicsit meggörbülve, mint mindig,
behúzva keskeny mellét és nézte az az ablakpárkányon nyiló utolsó
őszirózsákat, a nagy babérfákat a veranda sarkaiban, a
kosárbutorok vörösmintás párnáit és a magával hozott ágakat.
Nem tudott dolgozni úgy, mint valaha régen, mikor fiatal
nyugtalanság bizsergett a kezében.
Most már harmincz éves volt, magas és vékony testű, virágszerű,
mint a fiatal német nők, nagy kék mélázó szemekkel.
Kinn csengettek, Mary lépteket hallott maga mögött és egyszerre
egy fiatal ember állt a veranda ajtajában, a ki csudálkozva nézett az
idegen lányra.
Mary felállt és eléje ment.
– Fialla Oszkár – mutatkozott be a fiatal ember.
– Kaftan Mary – mondta a leány és mosolygott.
Aztán odanyujtotta keskenycsuklójú, fehér kezét, a melyet annyi
bájjal tudott belemélyeszteni szőke hajába.
– Nagyon örvendek, hogy a ház híres kedvenczével
megismerkedhetem.
– Én még jobban örvendek, hogy végre láthatom az annyit
emlegetett Maryt, Helén nagyon sokat mesélt már magáról.
Idegenszerű kiejtéssel beszélt németül, ami még zárkózottabbá
tette, amúgy is kicsit hidegen előkelő megjelenését.
Mary leült az asztal mellé, a régi helyére, Oszkár a divány
sarkába.
– Mióta van már itt Frohnauban? – kérdezte.
– Két hete.
– No lássa és én épen mult vasárnap nem jöttem ki.
– Oh még lesz ideje kipótolni, egész télen itt maradok.
– Akkor Helén bizonyosan nagyon boldog?
– Azt hiszem igen. Helén olyan jó, én nagyon szeretem, maga is
büszke lehet az unokanővérére.
– Igazi jólelkű kis berlini nő, épen olyan mint Arthur bácsi.
– Nem egészen – mondta Mary, – sok dologban emlékeztet a
magyar mamájára.
– Ugyan hogy mondhat olyat, hiszen Bettina néni végtelenül
finom, csendes és sentimentális, Helén pedig tele van a bácsi kicsit
zajos, néha majdnem bántó német humorával és jó kedvével.
– Vannak azért Helénnek is órái, mikor nagyon csendes és
egészen puhán érzelmes.
– De ritkán mi? – kérdezte Oszkár. – Higyje el – mondta aztán, –
épen az az oka, hogy Bettina néni alapjában véve soha sem tudott
kibékülni a házasságával. Én jól ismerem őt, mert egészen olyan,
mint az én apám, nem hiába testvérek. Anyám is határozott és
nyugodt német, mint Arthur bácsi, itt ismerkedett meg apám vele
Berlinben, mikor a nővérét jött ki meglátogatni. De ők különböző
természetük mellett is boldogan élnek, mert sok gyermekük van,
egyikünk az egyikhez, másikunk a másikhoz hasonlít és így
mindegyikük megkapta a magáét. Bettina néni azonban egészen
árva, az ő szemében Arthur bácsi és Helén egy összeesküvés, a
mely bármennyire az ő javát, kényeztetését tűzte is ki czélul, mégis
a gyenge és finom szívét gyötri állandóan.
– Lehet, hogy igaza van, de minek keres olyan messzemenő
magyarázatokat, a házasság egyáltalán csak az emberek gyötrésére
való, a mit egyik könnyebben, másik nehezebben tűr el. Végre is
szegény Bettina mama állandóan hazavágyik Magyarországra, ez a
fő baja, az olyan sentimetális természetek nagyon is belenőnek a
gyermek és ifjú éveik benyomásaiba, a környezetükbe, otthonukba
és nem igen tűrik el az átültetést.
Az ilyen nők mindig jobban ragaszkodnak a szüleikhez, mint a
férjükhöz, ezeknek regényes szerelmi csalódás és nem házasság
való.
– Maga úgy látszik nagy ellensége a házasságnak.
Mary vállat vont és egy ideig hallgattak.
– Sokáig marad itt? – kérdezte aztán Oszkár.
– Egész télen, rajzolni tanulok, a Köhler műtermébe járok be.
– És nem kényelmetlen mindennap bemenni a városba? Egy órát
kell vasuton töltenie.
– Otthon is így van, mi mindig Feldaffingban laktunk a Starnbergi-
tó partján. Onnan jártam be Münchenbe. Az még valamivel
hosszabb út, de a papa meg én, mi még soha sem laktunk
városban.
– Az szép lehet nagyon, de akkor végre az ember soha sem
tudja igazán, hogy milyen gyönyörű egy ilyen vasárnapi kirándulás. –
Mondta Oszkár, az asztalról pedig felvett egy galagonya ágat, a nap
felé tartotta és úgy nézte. – Honnan vannak ezek a gyönyörű
galyak?
– Én hoztam a tölgyerdőből ma reggel.
– Ma már a tölgyesben járt? De hiszen az majdnem két órányira
van ide.
– Az nem olyan sok, tudok én is még élvezni egy vasárnapi sétát.
– Inkább elhiszem, csak ne haragudjék. Úgylátszik maga is
vágyik nagyon a rendes fák után. Ugy-e únja a német fenyőket?
– Nem, én szeretem szegényeket, csakhogy ők nem tudnak ilyen
csudaszép őszt.
Mary kezdte összeszedni a galyakat és megsimogatta a bolyhos,
fehér iszalag-termést.
Ekkor jött Helén, nagy zajjal futott le az emeletről a falépcsőn és
a következő pillanatban már ott állt előttük. Apró, fényes szemei
nevettek, kedves, kicsit széles arcza kipirult és egyik kezével
állandóan leesni kész, barna kontyát tartotta.
– Szervusz Oszkár. Na már megismerkedtetek? Sajnálom, hogy
nem én mutattalak be egymásnak a kellő magyarázatok
hozzáfűzésével. Különben így is jó, csak gyónjátok meg aztán
nekem a kölcsönös benyomást, – Nevetett, túlzajosan, mint mindig,
aztán átfogta a barátnője derekát.
– Mit rajzoltál my dear?
– Semmit.
– Semmit, ez a rendes válasza. Csak nem ültél itt egy óráig és a
napot bámultad. Látod Oszkár, ilyen ő, szeszélyes, gonosz, de olyan
drága. No majd te is meg fogsz vele ismerkedni. Komikus grimaszt
vágott, a mi teljesen eltorzította az arczát.
– Kiesik egy hajtűd – mondta Mary és lefejtette derekáról a Helén
karját. – Én most megyek öltözködni az ebédhez.
Gyorsan szedte össze rajzszereit és gyüjtötte nyalábba az
ágakat. Oszkár nézte őt. A nap megaranyozta a lány göndör szőke
haját, sima kontyát és nyakában az apró fürtöket. Kicsit
bosszankodott, miközben Helén róla beszélt és elpirult. Egyszerű
ruhája odasimult az alakjára, a sötét, hosszú ujjak nagyon
vékonynyá tették a karjait, a melyekkel a sok tarka ágat szorította
magához. Fiatal volt akkor és szép, mint többé sohasem életében.
– Hány éves lehet? – gondolta Oszkár.
– Ugy-e szép? – kérdezte Helén, mikor Mary elment.
Nagyon kedves volt egyszerű elragadtatásában, de Oszkár nem
látta, ő az unokatestvére alacsony, kicsit már hizásnak induló alakját
hasonlította össze a másik leány megjelenésével és felelet helyett
kérdezett:
– Mondd Helén, hány éves a barátnőd?
– Ugyan nem illik ilyet kérdezni, de én azért szokott
őszinteségemmel felelek. Harmincz éves, egy évvel idősebb mint én.
– Az lehetetlen.
Helén nevetni kezdett. – Ez igazán kedves a részedről. Most azt
gondolod, hogy én sok évvel nézek ki idősebbnek ugy-e? Ezért
kapsz egy csókot.
Aztán kezeibe kapta az Oszkár jól fésült fejét és homlokon
csókolta, minden védekezése daczára.
II.

Félkettőkor gongoztak az ebédhez és Bettina néni kiosztotta


apró, fehér kezeivel a levest. Már több mint két éve élt Oszkár
Berlinben és mindig Frohnauba járt ki családot élvezni.
Jó ebédet kapott virágosan megterített asztal mellett és nem
kellett sürű, barna mártásos német húst ennie a polgári vendéglők
foltos abroszain.
Bettina néni körül minden kicsit ünnepélyesen tiszta, kényesen
rendes volt és vasárnap még Arthur bácsi is fehér mellényt vett a
kedvéért.
Azért mégis csak a jó lelkű porosz gyáros maradt ő, a ki keveset
törődik külsejével és az a fehér mellény felesége harmincz évi
zsörtölődésének volt diadala.
Harminczegy éve ment Pestre Busch Arthur egy vízvezetéki
berendezést csinálni, akkor hozta magával a feleségét, és azóta
vívták egymással apró harczaikat.
Vitatkoztak ebéd közben a levesen, a spárgán, a húson, az időn,
az embereken, mindenen, a mi szóba került, miközben Helén apró
történeteket mesélt a tanítványairól, tanítónős szempontból nézve
őket. Így volt minden vasárnap, Oszkár jól érezte magát náluk, a
bácsitól mindig újra meg újra megtudta, hogy ő már igazán
túlságosan elkényeztette a feleségét, Bettina nénitől pedig, hogy
férje javíthatatlanul zajos és faragatlan. Azért nagyon kedvesek
voltak mind a ketten.
Bettina néni különösen szerette Oszkárt, mert finom volt és szép,
hiába bosszantotta a férje azzal, hogy a német, szőke mamájához
hasonlít külsőre és természetre egyaránt.
– Hogyne – mondta Bettina néni, – tud is egy német olyan lenni,
mint ő.
– Bár soha se is rendeztek volna be vízvezetéket Pesten, ugy-e
öregem ezt gondolod most? Akkor neked sem kellene egy ilyen
némettel élned – tréfálkozott vele olyankor a férje.
Bettina néni pedig megvetéssel mondta: Ugyan Arthur.
Ma is minden úgy volt, mint rendesen. Mary keveset beszélt,
csak épen ott ült, hogy Bettina néni még valamivel ünnepélyesebb
legyen.
Mary Oszkárt nézte és azon gondolkodott, hogy hol látta már őt.
– Ugy-e, Oszkár szép fiú? – kérdezte Arthur bácsi, a ki
észrevette, hogy Mary nézi őt.
– De Arthur!
– Mintha nem találnád szépnek te is, hiszen olyan a külseje, mint
egy milliomosnak, pedig egész héten dolgozik. Mondja Mary, el tudja
őt képzelni kék munkászubbonyban, kalapácscsal kezében a pöröly
előtt? Ugy-e nem? Pedig egy évig mint munkás dolgozott a
gyárában, a hol most mérnök. Én láttam kalapálni, olyan volt mint
Sigfried. Szőke és erős. Ő nem szereti, ha erről beszélek, de én
büszke vagyok rá nagyon.
Aztán letette Arthur bácsi a szalvétáját és aludni ment, ez volt
vasárnap délutáni szórakozása és Bettina néni megbotránkozva
mondogatta, hogy úgy tud aludni, mint egy napszámos, de azért
ment vele ő is.
Megvolt a frohnaui vasárnapoknak a saját programmjuk és öt
órakor ma is bekopogott Frau Professor Röderich és sétára hivta
őket. Bettina néni és Helén mentek vele. Oszkár egyedül maradt
Maryvel.
– Mondja – kérdezte Mary, – igazán munkás volt?
– Nem látja a kezeimen? Azokon viselem az emlékét – és Oszkár
odanyujtotta a kezét, a mely csakugyan túlnagy és széles volt az
alakjához.
– Furcsa – mondta Mary.
– Miért olyan furcsa az magának?
– Nem tudom, azt hiszem épen olyan lehetett olajosan és
kormosan, a kék munkászubbonyban, mint Rudolf herczeg a
Mystères de Parisban, a mint a Fleur-de-Mariet keresi, vagy mint a
Daudet Jackja. Olvasta Jackot?
– Nem olvastam. Különben is már nagyon régen nem olvastam
semmit.
– Nem olvas, hogy lehet az? Miért nem olvas?
– Mert egész nap a gyárban dolgozom, mig kiérek, a vonaton
épen csak az ujságba van időm belepillantani, este fáradt vagyok
alig várom, hogy ágyba jussak és mindjárt elalszom. Vasárnap pedig
inkább sétálok és a jövőről gondolkodom.
– És milyennek képzeli a jövőjét?
– Mit érdekli magát az én jövőm?
– Szeretném tudni, hogy egy olyan fiatal és egészséges férfi, mit
kiván magának az élettől. Én annyival idősebb vagyok, nekem
elmondhatja, hogy miről álmodik vasárnaponként.
Mary kedvesen, melegen nézett fel Oszkárra.
– Ne higyje, hogy olyan sok meggyónni valóm van, az én álmaim
nem bonyolultak. Most huszonöt éves vagyok, nyáron hazamegyek
Pestre, valami megfelelő állást keresek, még egy-két évig erősen
dolgozom, aztán feleségül veszem azt, a kit szeretek és együtt
dolgozunk tovább. Még nem ismerem azt a nőt, a ki a feleségem
lesz, de tudom, hogy nevető szemű lesz és bátor és együtt élvezzük
majd mind azt a szépet, a mit most nem érek rá megnézni és
meghallani. A hónapos szobám helyett kedves otthonom lesz és kis
fiam, meg kis leányom. Erre szoktam gondolni vasárnaponként.
– És? – kérdezte Mary.
– És? És nincs tovább. Ez nekem elég az életre.
Marynek hihetetlenül új és érthetetlen volt az, a mit most hallott.
Tizenhatéves fiatalságának ábrándjai jutottak eszébe, mikor
rajongva hitt hasonló boldogságban. Most is vágyódott még, de hinni
nem hitt már semmiben. Most pedig mellette ment egy huszonötéves
ember, a ki erős meggyőződéssel bizott az élet szépségében és
magának is kivánt belőle egy darab tiszta, nyárspolgárias
boldogságot.
Marynek az anyja meghalt, mikor ő még egészen kicsi volt. Az
apja műtermében a festmények, a modellek között és a müncheni
akadémián nevelődött fel. Az ő környezete és azok az emberek, a
kik neki szerelemről beszéltek, egészen másként gondolkodtak.
Azok lelkesedtek és elcsüggedtek, rendetlenül éreztek, dolgoztak,
rabjai voltak hangulataiknak és mindig saját magukról elmélkedtek.
Maryt sokan szerették és ő ideig-óráig viszontszeretett, de igazi
odaadás és meggyőződés nélkül.
A házasságról úgy gondolkodott, mint minden független nő, a ki
szereti a szabadságát és a ki nem szerelmes. Egy idegen férfi intim
közelsége, két ágy egymás mellett, aztán a gyerek, a gond és
minden önállóságnak vége. Visszataszító volt és lealázó a Mary
szemében.
Igaz, néha ő is szerette volna, ha sok gyermeke van, férje és
otthona, valami positiv érték az életből, melyhez állandóan
ragaszkodjék egész lelkével, de ilyen kivánságok csak a gyengeség
és a művészetével szemben való teljes elcsüggedés pillanataiban
vettek rajta erőt.
Most egyszerre az Oszkár egyszerű szavainak nyomán
gyönyörűnek látta az ő elképzelt kis otthonát. Felnézett rá, szép
szabályos arcza nyugodt volt, az, hogy az álmairól beszélt, nem
zavarta meg. Látszott rajta, hogy őt nem állítja meg a vágya, hogy
beleveszve elveszítse energiáját, hanem munkára készteti és vele
van mindig, mint egy kész szépség, mint az élet nagy, szabad
mozdulata.
Mary úgy érezte, hogy a délelőtti vágyakozása és ennek a fiúnak
a megjelenése között valami összefüggés van.
Oszkár nagy léptekkel ment mellette és Mary igyekezett vele
lépést tartani, szeretett volna a karjába is kapaszkodni, hinni az ő
álmaiban és úgy menni vele. Elmosolyodott a gondolatán.
– Min mosolyog? – kérdezte Oszkár.
– Azon, hogy maga milyen kedves nyárspolgár. Ne haragudjék
érte. Nekem nagyon tetszik, higyje el. Talán épen azért, mert tudom,
hogy sohasem lehet részem egy olyan boldogságban, egy olyan
otthonban, a milyenről maga álmodik.
– És miért nem?
– Mert nem arra születtem. Az anyámat alig ismertem. Úgy
nőttem fel, a hogy nekem tetszett, a tétlenségben áthenyélt órák
voltak a nevelőim. Rendes háztartás, rendes otthon sohasem volt
nálunk. Az apám festő, festő lettem én is. Tőle tanultam meg, ha
néha esténként a kis angol pipájának füstje mellett elbeszélgetett
velem, hogy a művészet egész embert akar, a kitartást, a türelmet, a
szerelmet, a hűséget, mindent, a mi jó és gonosz van bennünk.
Rettenetes feleség válnék belőlem, higyje el, arra még gondolni sem
jó.
– Lehet, hogy én nyárspolgár vagyok, de én mégis csak sok
gyengédség és szerelem között tudok szépnek látni egy asszonyi
sorsot – mondta Oszkár.
– Végre ahhoz nem épen kell a házasság.
– Ugyan Mary, hogy mondhat olyat, ezt maga sem gondolja
komolyan. Végre, hogy vállalkozzék egy férfi arra, hogy épen annak
a nőnek a helyzetét tegye tönkre az életben, a kit szeret? Lehet
lopva, bújva, félve a gyermektől, igazi odaadás nélkül, de mit ér az
úgy?
– Talán igaza van – felelte Mary, – de magával nem szeretek
ilyenekről beszélni.
Az erdő felé mutatott. – Nézze milyen gyönyörű a naplemente
ezek között a furcsa fák között. Hogy bevonalazzák hosszu
törzseikkel az aranyos eget. Nem olyan épen, mint valami ragyogó
kóta-papir, a melyre egy melancholikus bucsúdal, egy kicsit hidegen
szomorú melódia van írva. Mintha egy nagy, szőke, világoskék
reformruhás német asszony halna meg, a kit szomorúvá tesz az
elmúlás gondolata, de azért utolsó pillanatában is nyugodt öntudattal
néz maga körül. «Denn ich habe immer meine Pflicht getan.»
– Különös világ ez és a mienktől idegen – mondta Oszkár
elgondolkozva. – Már Délnémetország egészen más és közelebb is
áll hozzánk. Azt láttam mult évben mikor hosszab időt töltöttem
Drezda mellett a Lahmann-sanatoriumban. A honnan persze
gyakran jártunk be Drezdába.
Most már tudta Mary, hogy hol látta Oszkárt, egy fotografián
együtt a barátnőjével, a gyönyörű Eriksen Lolóval.
– Mikor volt ott? – kérdezte.
– Husvét táján.
– Akkor bizonyosan megismerkedett a barátnőmmel,
Eriksennével.
– Hogyne, egy villában is laktunk, nagyon szép és okos asszony.
Milyen kedves, hogy magának barátnője. Már régen ismeri?
– Oh már nagyon régen. Mint egészen fiatal asszony
Münchenben tanult énekelni. A papa akkor le is festette, én még kis
lány voltam és nagyon bámultam őt. Gyönyörű szép volt, a mint
modelt ült, én a műterem sarkából néztem mindig. Fekete ruha volt
rajta, egy csomó könnyű sötét fátyol, rozsdabarna haja magasra volt
fésülve és a homlokán egy hatalmas rubin fénylett. Olyan volt, mint
egy szeszélyes, sötét viharfelhő, a melyen átvilágít a naplemente.
Sokszor elvitt akkor szinházba és hangversenyre, nagyon
megszeretett. Később is vissza-visszajött Feldaffingba tavaszszal és
nyáron a kis lányával és a kis fiával. Lassan a korkülönbség is
megszünt köztünk és jó barátnők lettünk. Maga gyakran jár hozzá?
– Nem, itt Berlinben még soha sem voltam nála.
Mary nem érdeklődött, hogy miért, de hidegen járta át a kérdés,
hogy mi lehetett közöttük annak idején, ha most még találkozni sem
akarnak.
Az a finoman felragasztott kis fotografia jutott eszébe, a melyet
hártyapapirba csomagolva, nyáron Feldaffingban látott a Lolo
könyvében és a melyet állandó könyvjegyzékül használt.
Elkedvetlenedett és hazafelé már alig-alig szólt. A ház előtt
Oszkár bucsúzott.
– Nem maradsz itt vacsorára? – kérdezte Helén.
– Sajnos, nem maradhatok, szinházba megyek ma este.
– Kár – mondta Bettina néni, – Lüdersék jönnek ki Berlinből és
muzsikálni fogunk. No majd máskor. Gyere Helén siessünk, mert
mindjárt itt lesznek. Isten veled.
Mary a kertajtóban állt.
– Köszönöm a gyönyörű napot és a nagy kedvességét. A
viszontlátásra – mondta Oszkár és megcsókolta a Mary kezét. Aztán
ment, mikor visszanézett Mary még mindig ott állt a kerítéshez
dőlve, Oszkár intett neki a kalapjával és Mary utánna nézett, a mig a
hosszú, egyenes úton az állomáshoz nem ért.
III.

Másnap délután öt órakor Mary kinn volt Charlottenburgban és


sietve ment az Eriksenék háza felé.
Nem tudott nyugodni, gyötörte a kérdés, hogy mi lehetett annak
idején a barátnője és Oszkár között. Azzal tisztában volt, hogy ha
egyedül találja Lolót egy csendes alkonyati órában, ő mindent
elmond neki.
Ismerte az asszonyt, a ki gyerekes szenvedélylyel kereste az
éleményeket, hogy aztán újra meg újra átélhesse a bizalmas
órákban, mikor elmesélve ezerszer jobban élvezte, mint a történés
pillanatában.
Mary alig várta a délutánt. Előző este, miután elmentek a
vendégek, még soká nem aludt, folyton arra a kis képre kellett
gondolnia, a melyet az Eriksenné könyvében látott.
Egy fa alatt állt Oszkár és az asszony mosolyogva nézett fel rá.
Fehér sportkabát volt Lolón és a fején egy puha posztókalap.
Miért bántotta őt ez? Kinyitotta az ablakát és kinézett az
éjszakába. A kopasz törzsű fenyők egyenesen, mereven álltak és
fehéren világítottak át közöttük a szomszéd házak.
Különös világ volt ez, rendesebb, csendesebb, tisztább minden
másnál. Beosztott és nyugodt, mint az árnyéktalan fák, kicsi, távoli
koronáikkal.
Ebbe a kemény erdőbe vágnak utakat az emberek, villanyt
vezetnek, lerakják a vízvezetéket, aztán kipusztítanak egynehányat
a szigorú fákból, hogy felépítsék csinos házaikat. Szigorú fák!

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