The Metamorphosis of You

The Metamorphosis of You
The Metamorphosis of You © Copyright 2023 Susanne Zazzera
All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any
manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use
of brief quotations in a book review. Excerpt may be posted on social media when author is
credited.
Cover design: made by the author using Canva
Illustrations: made by the following artists on Canva: pixabay, Nadiinko, Victoria rusyn,
graphix’s images, vintage illustrations, One Line, By Rikaru, jirwan73
For more information, zazzera.arts@gmail.com
ISBN 978-82-303-6254-9 (Hardcover)
ISBN 978-82-303-6241-9 (Paperback)
ISBN 978-82-303-6213-6 (EPub)
ISBN 978-82-303-6253-2 (PDF)
Susanne Zazzera
1
About the author
Susanne Zazzera works as a biologist in Norway. She finds much inspiration from the natural
world, which is clear in her first publication “The metamorphosis of you”. She started writing
as a way to heal after heartbreak, and regularly posts her poems on Tiktok under
@for_the_healing. In her spare time, she also enjoys painting and spending time in nature.
2
Foreword
Like so many before me, I have experienced how incredibly painful heartbreak can be. The
only thing that seemed to help was reading poetry. It made me understand that my feelings
were validated and that I was not alone in my situation. As I coping mechanism, I also started
to write. Some of the poems in this book originate from my first heartbreak, which happened
over five years ago. Over the years (and after many heartbreaks, big and small) I was
eventually left with this collection that you are about to read.
I hope you find comfort in my words.
3
4
Table of contents
Phase 1 - the egg
falling in love 7
Phase 2– the catterpillar
breaking 20
Phase 3 – the chrysalis
healing 47
Phase 4– the butterfly
ascending 75
5
The butterfly goes through
four stages in life
and it is only during the last one
it has the ability to fly
Maybe this is how it works
for us humans too
6
Phase 1 - the egg

falling in love
7
I catch myself dreaming of you
when I close my eyes
my head on your chest
our hands intertwined
your soothing voice assuring me
that there is nowhere else
you would rather be
and in this fleeting moment
time stands still
and everything is just
right
8
The smell of newly brewed coffee
on a Sunday morning
the softness of newly washed sheets
when drifting off to sleep
the tightness of a hug from a loved one
you haven’t seen in a while
the sound of birds singing melodies
outside your bedroom window
the sight of the sun rising
leaving the sky painted with colors
the feeling of warm water
embracing your skin in a bath
These are the sensations I long for
but none of them come close
to the feeling of
your hand stroking me
your gaze catching mine
your voice softly speaking
None of them come close to
you
9
She asked me
what is your perception of love
and immediately I told her about you
because to me
you are the embodiment of it
you wear love so gracefully
it flows through you so effortlessly
emanates from your very being
and turns everything you touch into gold
10
When you look at me
the butterflies in my stomach
twirl in anticipation
11
After being on my own for so long
I had forgotten how someone
can make you feel so small
Looking for their approval
in everything you do
desperately wanting them
to notice your efforts
smiling every time their name
lights up your screen
Fearfully hoping
that this time
everything will be different
12
In my next life
I wish to be a butterfly
that way
I can always be with you
Land on your shoulder
when you need companionship
and show you the way
when you seek guidance
13
I never planned on catching these feelings
but now I am drowning
desperate for your love
and I hate the sensation of needing you
because I had just learned
that I am enough on my own
until my eyes meet yours
and suddenly
I am not anymore
14
I knew I had fallen for you
when my thoughts automatically
drifted to you for comfort
you were the first thing
on my mind after waking up
and the last thing I saw
before falling asleep at night
you followed me everywhere I went
There was no escaping my feelings anymore
15
I found myself in a place
where simply holding hands with him
felt scarier and more intimidating
then spending the night
with any other man
I felt more naked and vulnerable
just from his eyes meeting mine
than I had ever before
by any man undressing me
16
To me
love is not some grand gesture
it is not planning a surprise vacation
or picking out an expensive ring
It can be, but mostly
love is bursting out in laughter
because your partner makes a funny face
It is sharing a slice of cake
because there was only one left
it is sensing when they need space
and when they need a shoulder to cry on
it is even admiring how soft and sweet
they look when drifting off to sleep
It is the small things
the subtle things
that shows just how much love
you have for each other
17
I am afraid to lose myself in you
to lose the person I have grown into
these past years
independent and confident
I am afraid I will put my life on hold
turn down opportunities
or drift away from my friends
because I have done so before
stopped focusing on myself
for the sake of us
18
I think we both knew
it wasn’t destined to last
yet it felt so good
to be held in your arms
touched by your hands
and kissed by your lips
I had never felt such warmth
from any man before
it scared me just how much
I wanted you to stay
19
Phase 2 - the larvae
Breaking
20
I wonder who came up
with the phrase “heartbreak”
because to me it feels more
like my whole being is breaking
every fiber of my body
and every inch of my soul
is fighting to endure the pain
Like an egg cracked open
I am now left entirely
naked and vulnerable
forced to protect myself
from the outside world
and the people who hurt me
But also, with a sense of curiosity
for what this new reality may bring
21
The recipe for heartbreak:
A soft heart and a gentle soul
22
I was not expecting
how capable I was
of loving you
or how incapable you were
of loving me
23
There are days
when I want to scream to you
just how much you hurt me
expressing my feelings of rage
and betrayal
But then there are days
when all I want
is rewind to the moments
when I was laying on your chest
and you peacefully kissing
my forehead
It confuses me
just how much I hate you
and just how much I love you
all at the same time
24
You must have known
how deeply I had fallen for you
when I held you in my arms
or cooked your favorite food
when I looked at you in awe
and kissed you good night
you must known when I told you
I loved you
Maybe you knew
but chose to ignore
or maybe you didn’t believe
that anyone was capable
of loving you the way that I did
Truthfully,
I don’t know which is worse
25
I am very much
a suffer in silence type of person
but the suffering that followed you
was anything but silent
26
The worst part
was knowing it had to end
but not being strong enough to end it
Being unhappy
yet still thinking the alternative
would somehow be worse
27
You were like a burning house
and even with the damage
I still called you home
I sat and watched as the walls fell apart
because even though they were breaking
I had nowhere else to go
I guess I didn't realize
that the smoke from your fire
would eventually collapse my lungs
and make it painful just to breathe
28
It was so confusing to me
that the same hands that
embraced me with love for so long
were also the same hands
that would eventually break me
how could the same person who patched me up
also be the person who stabbed me
29
Isn't it ironic
how when you were grasping for air
because you felt trapped by my presence
I was grasping for air
because without you I could not breathe
30
You were so blinded
by the way they had hurt you
I think you forgot to see
just how much you were hurting me
in the process
31
Your name
has carved itself on to my skin
like a tattoo I am starting to regret
but can’t yet afford to have removed
32
I remember when we ended it
he told me I deserved someone better
and I wondered for how long
he had held that belief
how long he had known
I should have been treated better
yet not willing to treat me
the way he said I deserved
I wondered how long
he had neglected my needs
all the while knowing I had them
all the while knowing
they could be met
I wondered how long
he had known that there would
be someone else out there
ready to give me all that he didn’t
but still not willing to let me go
33
How was I supposed to know
that love was not meant to feel like that
when all I had ever known
were the small crumbs of
affection you would spare me
34
I am done
giving my heart to people
who are undeserving of my love
I am sick
of fighting for affection from men
who see me as disposable
I am tired
of draining myself with lovers
who have no intention of loving me at all
35
Forgive me for confusing
your lust with love
Forgive me for believing
you wanted my soul
when you were simply
aching for my body
36
I wanted you to hold me
and tell me it would all be ok
But then I remembered
you were the reason I was not
and no amount of comfort from you
could ever make me feel ok again
37
There once was a girl
so pure even the water envied her
her soul was soft and gentle
and like a flower, she bloomed
more beautiful each day
But the thing about flowers is
people pick them
place them in their homes
claim them as “theirs”
as if they can possess something
that was never meant to be owned
as if they can tame something
that was always meant to be wild
But then one day
they forget to give it water
the leaves begin to crumble
and the petals start falling off
so, they toss it away
and replace it with something new
38
I tightened my grip
because I wanted you to stay
but as my fingers closed in
you slipped away
39
When you left you took
a piece of me with you
I have been searching
for that piece ever since
In drunken nights
and short lived distractions
but no empty bottle
and no passionate kiss
has ever come close to the
feelings you used to stir in me
Still, I continue the search
in hope that something or someone
may one day come close
40
Was it always your intention to leave
once you got what you wanted
or did you change your mind along the way
These are the questions your silence left me
and your silence is so loud
I can’t hear anything else
41
Is it too much to ask
for someone who recognizes
that there is more to me
beyond my body
That I have qualities
making me capable of
achieving remarkable things
Is it too much to ask
for someone who does not
take me for granted
but appreciates me for all that I am
and is excited to love me
and all that I ever will be
42
I have this habit of confusing lust with love
Every time someone new
finds their way into my life
I foolishly believe that
we have the same admiration
for each other in our eyes
I have no fear that they may look at me
differently from how I look at them
and I have no doubt in my mind
that the words they tell me
will hold true now and till the end
There is not even an ounce of insecurity
when they treat me in a way
many may label “too good to be true”
because in my heart I know I deserve no less
than what the best man can do
Even after being deceived by men
who never had my best interest at heart
It is still a foreign concept to me:
craving someone’s body
but pretending to want a soul full of art
43
I don’t know how many of these
I have left in me
How many times I can lift myself up
after being disappointed again
how many times I can start over
after another person leaves
Asking the same questions
to different faces
hoping for new answers
44
I started to realize
it was never about
what I felt for you
it was about how I felt
about myself
in your presence
safe, wanted, loved
Those were the feelings
I started craving when you left
and it didn’t matter anymore
that you weren’t the one
giving them to me
45
I told him I missed him
but the truth was I only told him
because I wanted him to say it back
It wasn’t him that I missed
I missed having someone miss me
46
Phase 3 - the chrysalis

healing
47
It is not talked about enough
The need for rest and isolation
the need for healing and restoration
the need for processing and reflection
Instead of always jumping
from person to person
bringing past problems to new situations
The cycle will continue
until you make a home within yourself
and when it is time
emerge from the chrysalis
But until then
give yourself the love
you so desperately seeked from everyone else
48
I thought you broke my heart when you left
but the truth is
I broke my own heart by staying
when you left
I could finally return home to myself again
49
I am loved
by the people around me
for my empathy and ambition
I am loved
by the moon and her stars
for recognizing their beauty and importance
I am loved
by the butterflies in my garden
for being provided with sweet nectar
But most importantly
I am loved
by myself
for taking care of my heart
cultivating my crafts and tending to my soul
for writing poetry and creating art
for dancing in the kitchen and singing in the shower
I am loved
and that is enough
even if it is not by you
50
I had so much love to give
when you said you didn’t want it
I was not sure what to do
But then a voice told me
give it to the one who needs it the most
so I gave it to myself
51
I don’t know why
we pride ourselves
in not caring for each other
as if it is something to be proud of
to have a closed-off heart
as if it is desirable
to be unable to feel
52
It takes courage
realizing that someone you love
is also breaking you
and therefore, letting them go
Removing them from your life
when every limb in your body
aches to be by their side again
Like an addict craving drugs
you long for their presence
yet fully aware
that the euphoria they give you
will only last for hours
and that the excruciating pain that follows
will never be worth the high
53
I thought losing you
would mean the end
of my happiness
ironically
I can’t remember a time
being more content than now
54
Where does the love go you ask
when the person you used to gift it to
no longer wants it
well, let me tell you darling
It goes towards the gentle people around you
to the sight of sunsets and rainbows
the smell of flowers and herbs
the sound of music and laughter
the feeling of the sun on your face
to all the beautiful things in life
but most importantly
it goes towards yourself
55
When you have been disappointed
so many times
because your heart has shattered
again, and again
and the parts no longer seem to fit
after desperatbly trying
to piece them back together
you start feeling numb
careless, indifferent
no longer able to feel the pain
And although it might protect
your fragile heart from breaking
it will also stop it from loving
You cannot feel the warmth of love
without the risk of getting hurt
you see they come in pairs
so, to accept love
is to accept the risk
of reliving the pain all over again
56
I used to hate you
for the pain you made me feel
but now I hate even more
that the heartache you inflicted
numbed my ability to feel anything at all
57
What pains me is knowing that the people who hurt me continue to do so, not by intention -
but by scars they left. They live their lives happily unaware of how their actions and the
words they spoke still affect me. As if their lack of effort somehow reflected my worth. Even
after years of healing, they hold power over me. Still, their ghosts imply that I am unworthy
of love.
58
While healing from heartbreak
you are grieving the loss of a person
who is still among the living
You may feel bad for hurting so much
when they are still alive and well
but even though they didn’t die
their love for you did
and they decided that walking
this earth without you
is better than having you by their side
So, please be easy on yourself
when you try to belittle your pain
59
Beware the men
who give you compliments
only when they want something in return
Beware the men
who are generous
only when they get their will
Beware the men
who tell you they love you
only when your feet
are placed on top of their shoulders
60
I have spent many restless nights
cursing your name
wondering how you
could break me so easily
Eventually, I realized
although you were in the wrong
I was not the helpless victim
I had convinced myself I was
I chose to stay
when I knew I should have left
and that was my mistake
61
After a while
the anger started to fade
and I began to realize
that although I didn’t deserve it
I still had responsibility
for accepting too much
and expecting too little
from you
62
What do you do
when you crave intimacy
but at the same time
fear getting too close to someone
What do you do
when you don’t want to be alone
but also don’t want to depend
on anyone ever again
What do you do
when you desire love
but the very thought of it
also makes you shiver
What do you do
when the thing
you want the most
is also your biggest fear
63
They never tell you about
the aftermath of a broken heart
they never tell you
that there will come difficulties
beyond getting over
the person who hurt you
That you will have fears
about falling in love again
or that will hold yourself back
because the memory of the pain
has carved itself on to your skin
and even the slightest touch
is enough for you
to be reminded of the wound
and start pulling back
64
Forgive me
if I cannot give you everything all at once
for I have been hurt one too many times
to pour myself into people
not capable of handling my heart
Be patient with me
and you will see
just how much love
I have to offer
65
The hardest part of healing a broken heart
is not getting over the person who hurt you
it is learning how to trust again
Forgiving past lovers is difficult
but not doubting the words and actions
of new ones feels impossible
Breaking down the walls
that once protected you so fiercly
when doing so puts your heart at risk
Being vulnerable with someone
when your entire body wants to resist
because there is always a chance
it might end badly again
that is the hard part
66
And if you want to leave
then please leave now
Please leave now
before I tell my mom how your fingers
fit so perfectly inside my hand
please leave now
before i let my friends know that the colour
of your eyes suddenly became my favourite
please leave now
before my mind dares to imagine
how perfect we could be together
please leave now
before my heart becomes so full of you
that I can barely call it my own
Please leave now
because if you do so later
I’m not sure how I will be able to cope
67
At first
I wanted you to promise me
that you would never leave
I wanted you to assure me
about how we were supposed
to stay together forever
that you would never grow
tired of loving me
even with a face full of
wrinkles and my hair turning grey
But then I realized
love does not work like that
because it cannot be forced or coerced
and If it is
then that is not love
68
We value flowers for their beauty
forgetting that even the least pretty ones
still provide leaves for hungry caterpillars
and give nectar to starving butterflies
69
Seek a love that doesn’t chain you
but instead sets you free
a love that doesn’t blind you
but makes you see things clearer
70
I hate that I feel like
I have to water myself down
in fear of being too much
I hate that I feel like
I have to pretend
to not care as much as I do
or let you wait before I can reply
so I don’t come off as too interested
Like that is not the whole point of all this
to find someone you don’t have to hold back with
someone who loves that you have so much to give
71
There will be days when your pain
makes it impossible for you
to leave your bed in the morning
and your only mission is just to survive
Then, there will be days when you laugh
and shake your head in disbelief
because you can’t understand
why you even used to like them
But still after that
there will still be days when
you are reminded of the pain
and it will be too much to handle
so you fall to the floor once again
and this time you feel guilty
because you thought that by now
you would be healed
But please remember
healing does not happen in a straight line
and nobody can tell you
how you are supposed to feel
not even the voice inside your own head
72
If he wants to go
let him
Hold the door open for him
and say your goodbyes
wish him only the best
even if that was not what he gave you
But don’t keep the door open
he was not for you
and that is ok
do not let him fool you
into thinking he might be one day
he showed you his true form
believe him now
or you will regret it later
73
The first week will hold more pain
than you have ever encountered
you will try to keep your mind busy all-day
only to be haunted by their ghost at night
After a while
the breakdowns will hit less often
until one day they happen so rarely
you almost forgot you used to have them
Eventually, you start to forget about
the person you once thought
you could never live without
but even with them gone
their ghosts still affect you
Because now you must learn
how to trust again
how to love again
and it will be the most terrifying thing
you ever had to do
74
Phase 4 - the butterfly

ascending
75
As she grows
the snake sheds her skin
to make room for the new version of herself
like her, you must also learn to say goodbye
to the old versions of you
Peel them off your skin and let them go
they serve only as a reminder of the past
look back to see how far you have come
but do not try to shrink yourself
to fit your old form again
it will only be painful
like wearing old clothes
that have become far too tight
At some point
your body cannot grow any further
then it is time, not for growth
but for a full transformation
76
This is the time you mold yourself
into something else entirely
this is the time you evolve so much
your old way of living becomes unrecognizable
the way you used to view the world
becomes nothing but a distant memory
the way you used to wish for
and entertain certain situations will feel strange
Now everything you do is rooted in love
love for yourself
but also love for the people who hurt you
because you know they served a purpose in your life
so, you thank them for the lessons
and you let them go
77
New year’s resolution:
For the upcoming year
my goal is to allow myself to love
to love without judgment
to love without fear
And equally as important
to let myself be loved
because I am deserving of it
I trust myself to be strong enough
to walk away from any situation
where my needs are not heard
or where they are heard but not met
I promise to create boundaries
and speak my truth
even if it hurts even if it means
I have to let people go
because I deserve a love
without manipulation
without indifference
78
I am ready to heal, to grow, to love
This is the year
I don’t allow anyone to use me
to silence me
or put out my fire
this is the year I shine so bright
some might have to clench their eyes
but they will also be grateful
for the warmth from my fire
79
To the people I hurt
I am sorry
I am sorry I was not conscious enough
to recognize I was hurting you
I am sorry I could not see
that the way I behaved impacted you
I am sorry I was too preoccupied
with protecting myself
that I forgot to protect you from me
I know now that what I did was wrong
I used my own pain to neglect yours
They say hurt people hurt people
but today I break the cycle
today I refuse to continue
to give my pain to others
Instead, I will mend it from within
I hope you heal from the trauma I caused
80
When you hurt me
you don’t have to worry about how I feel
because I will take that hurt
and turn it into art
But you however
you will have to live with the fact
that you hurt someone
who showed you nothing but love
and that I think
is much worse
81
I will no longer be the chill girl
The girl who puts up with your bullshit
just to keep you around
the girl that accepts way less than she deserves
just so she isn’t left alone
I will call you out
when you cancel our plans last minute
when you show up too late
leaving me wondering where you have been
I will let you know
when you are not giving me enough
because I deserve someone who will
82
When a child falls from a tree
she may grow up to believe
that all trees are dangerous
and she might even refuse
to ever climb again
The same can happen to us
when we experience heartbreak
the memory of the pain
stops us from trying again
because we are afraid of
what might happen if we fall
But it is only as you learn how to climb
you get the knowledge and experience
to know which trees
are safe enough to explore
83
They tell you you’re soft and sensitive
as if it is an insult
as if feeling all the emotions of the world is bad
but I would rather feel everything all at once
then to feel nothing at all
84
I used to think that I would love you forever
that even after years apart
my heart would still have a piece of you in it
and even after finding someone else
you would still be on my mind at night
But here I am
you haven't crossed my mind in a very long time
and when you sometimes do
it is not in a longing kind of way
but as an appreciation of how far I have come
sine you
85
A letter to past lovers
I don’t know if you will ever read this
but if you happen to stumble upon it
at some point in your life
I want you to know
that I have forgiven you
It took all of me to get over you
and it took even more to find the courage
to trust enough to love again
still, things come up for me at times
when I am reminded
of your actions and the words you spoke
you probably thought little of it at the time
and you probably weren’t aware
that some of the things you did
would haunt me for years to come
if only in small and subtle ways
Now I know
that they were only a reflection of you
and had nothing to do with me
I hope you heal too
so that the next person won’t have to
86
I don’t know why
I tend to fall so hard so fast
and I don’t know why
I get so broken when they leave
I don’t know why
I feel everything so deeply
it's as if the universe
took the emotions from a whole city
and poured them all into me
Maybe it's because
I am strong enough to hold them
or maybe everyone else dimmed their feelings
in order to survive
and then forgot to turn them back on
87
You deserve a healthy love
A stable love
a gentle love
a consistent love
a grounding love
a comforting love
a healing love
a calming love
an abundant love
88
I paused for a moment
and I thought about the way that I loved them
softly and consistently
How I held them in my arms
and hoped that their dreams would come true
how I wished for their traumas to be healed
And suddenly I realized
I was proof
my very existence was proof that
the love I sought existed
that it was possible to find unconditional love
because I myself loved unconditionally
89
She learned to live without you
she learned to love herself again
to enjoy moments alone
to not look for you
in every room she enters
or every pair of eyes that meet hers
to be content with knowing
it could not have happened
in any other way
90
I think the biggest lesson
was learning
I didn’t need anyone else
that I was ok on my own
and even though
some days may be lonely
the majority are not
Because I no longer worry
if something I do or say
might drive anyone away
and I no longer worry
that someone will not meet
the expectations I have for them
I am free
not because I can do what I want
but because their lack of effort
is no longer weighing me down
because I can be myself fully
and no man will ever be able
to take that away from me again
91
When we demand an apology
from the people who broke us
in order to move on
we give them power over us
We want them to explain their actions
what they were thinking
or how they could be so cruel
but the reasons they have
will not make a difference
the only closure you need
is knowing they knew it was wrong
but chose to do it regardless
92
There will come a time
after you've had enough time to process
you realize just how much you put up with
it will make you pull your hair in frustration
you wish you could go back in time
just to scream to your past self
to leave that person or situation
But you only did what you thought was right
with the awareness you had at the time
you must understand
you can’t blame the butterfly
for not being able to fly
before it had time to develop it's wings
93
Plant a seed and observe it for some time
it might appear not to have grown at all
but trust me when I say
some progress is not always seen
Because belowground
the roots are establishing
collecting and storing nourishment
to make sure the plant has everything it needs
before it can make a big leap toward the light
94
But what if it ends badly, she asked
Oh darling, but what if it doesn’t
what if, for the first time
you actually end up flying
95
You have been waiting for a while now
for that special person
for someone who yearns to touch your soul
instead of your body
someone who undresses you
not with their hands
but with their gaze
for someone who gives you warmth
not form their skin
but from their gentle heart
I know sometimes it feels like they will never come
because the world is full of people
who wouldn’t hesitate to spend the night with you
only to leave as soon as the sun rose again
but sharing your company with them
will only make you feel even more lonely
and having them fill your time
will only make you feel even more empty
I know it may be difficult
but I promise you this
every time you reject the people not meant for you
you come closer to finding the person who is
96
Up until now, I had thought of myself as a victim. I was confused about why I was always so
unlucky with love. I told myself I don’t deserve to be treated so badly, because I gave them
so much, yet all they did was take what they could without ever giving anything back. And
although I didn’t see it at the time, I was the very person holding me back, by allowing
people like that into my life, because I had become so certain that no good men existed
anymore. I settled for the unworthy because I thought it was better than being alone. I
didn’t realize I had a choice. I didn’t realize that even being alone, all alone, was better than
ever allowing them to stay in my life. And I didn’t realize healthy love was actually an option.
You see, it was never about meeting the right person, it was about opening myself up to the
idea that the right person was out there and that even if I didn’t find them, I would still be
ok on my own.
97
At first it scared me
falling for you and losing control
because suddenly
I had so much love
and when you have so much love
you also risk losing it
it can be taken from you at any second
by a stranger driving at night
by an untreatable disease
or even by the very person giving it to you
You can never be certain
how long it will last
but not knowing when it will go
is far better
then not having it at all
98
All my life I was thought
that love was supposed to be hard
It wasn’t until I met you
I realized just how soft it actually could be
99
When you asked me
what I was looking for
I gave you a vague answer
because I didn’t want to scare you
how could I tell you
when you were still just a stranger
that I was looking for someone
Someone who would go to
the ends of the world with me
someone who would not hesitate
to choose me in this lifetime
and for all to come
I was so startled when you told me
you were looking for the one
that you were far too old to be playing games
because I was so used to men
with the intention of doing just that
it took me by surprise
the level of maturity and bravery you had
you were not afraid to speak your truth
even before you knew
it was my truth as well
100
Thank you for loving the parts of me
I deemed unlovable
because of past relationships
Thank you for being patient with me
when I needed time to trust you
Thank you for never pushing me
or making me feel guilty
for not giving you everything at all once
Thank you for giving me the space
to be able to grow on my own
Thank you for letting me be sensitive
and emotional around you
Thank you for reassuring me
and not making me question
how you feel about me
Thank you for doing everything
the others never did
101
And all of a sudden
there it was
The mature and healing love
I had been searching for all this time
and for the first time
I could see so clearly
why it was never meant to be
with any of the others
102
Sometimes I forget
that I am safe with you
that I don’t have to question
your intentions
or your feelings toward me
that I can bring up our future
without fearing it might scare you away
that what I say will be heard
and that you will listen
because you want to learn
how to love me better
sometimes I forget
that you love me
the same as I love you
Sometimes I forget
because with the others
I was always on edge
prepared that they would tell me
things I didn’t want to hear
that I was only a stop along the way
but would never be the final destination
103
For the first time I felt safe
because even if their love for me fades
the love I have for myself never will
and the choices I make
will no longer be out of fear of losing them
but the fear of losing myself
104
It frightens me
how close I was to never meeting you
because a piece of me had given up on finding love
for a while, I didn’t even think it was possible
to find someone so kind and beautiful
I thought men like you only existed in fairytales
But still here we are
living our happily ever after
105
Even before I knew you existed
I was looking for you in everyone else
time after time
I was disappointed
because they didn’t have
your witty sense of humor
or your kindhearted spirit
some had many of your good qualities
but they were always accompanied
by others that were not
That was until I found you
the one my soul recognized
as having everything I was looking for
and then even some more
106
With our souls intertwined
I surrendered in your arms
and I knew I was safe
because your eyes spoke of softness
and your hands of warm embrace
107
The recipe for heartbreak:
-A soft heart and a gentle soul
But maybe
it is also the recipe
for the strongest of love
108
Dear butterfly
you completed all the stages
that many before you couldn’t
you transformed
into someone stronger, wiser, and braver
now, you can spread your wings
But make no mistake
you are not fully healed
and you never will be
your wounds have become scars
and with time they shall fade
but the scars will never fully vanish
you carry them with you
everywhere you go
they remind you of what you survived
they are not a sign of weakness
but that of strength and courage
so take great pride in
the metamorphosis of you
109
Because despite it all
here you are
ready to fly
110
A final note
The phases of metamorphosis may confuse you
into thinking that healing is linear
and that once you are over the person
who broke you
you have fully formed your wings
ready to find another transformed soul
But you might still need time
and more people might hurt you
before you are ready to fly
It might take months
it might take years
but you will get there when you are ready
and even after forming your wings
there is no guarantee
that they will not get damaged or even fall off
there might come a time
when you must go through all the stages once more
and that is ok
just know that this book will be here
to comfort you again
111
Acknowledgments
First, I want to thank my friends and my family for buying me icecream and lending me their
shoulder. For giving me advice and sharing their wisdom, even when I didn't want to listen.
For being there for me when I needed them the most.
I also want to thank the people who follow me or read my poems on TikTok
(@for_the_healing). You have encouraged me to keep sharing my words and you have made
me realize how many people actually experience the same feelings.
Next, I want to thank my exes and failed situationships. Even though it hurt like hell, without
you, this book would not exist. And of course, I want to thank my dear partner Alihussein
who inspired many of these poems. The very catalyst of my own metamorphosis and the one
who made it all worth it in the end.
Last, I also want to thank you. The very person holding this book. Whether you bought it on
your own or because your friend basically forced you to as a “you’ll feel less alone” kind of
gift.
- Thank you.
112

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The Metamorphosis of You

The Metamorphosis of You © Copyright 2023 Susanne Zazzera

Cover design: made by the author using Canva

For more information, zazzera.arts@gmail.com

ISBN 978-82-303-6254-9 (Hardcover)

ISBN 978-82-303-6241-9 (Paperback)

ISBN 978-82-303-6213-6 (EPub)

ISBN 978-82-303-6253-2 (PDF)

About the author

I hope you find comfort in my words.

The Metamorphosis of You

Phase 1 - the egg

Phase 2– the catterpillar

Phase 3 – the chrysalis

Phase 4– the butterfly

The butterfly goes through

four stages in life

and it is only during the last one

it has the ability to fly

Maybe this is how it works

for us humans too

Phase 1 - the egg

I catch myself dreaming of you

when I close my eyes

my head on your chest

our hands intertwined

your soothing voice assuring me

that there is nowhere else

you would rather be

and in this fleeting moment

time stands still

and everything is just

The smell of newly brewed coffee

the softness of newly washed sheets

when drifting off to sleep

the tightness of a hug from a loved one

you haven’t seen in a while

the sound of birds singing melodies

outside your bedroom window

the sight of the sun rising

leaving the sky painted with colors

the feeling of warm water

embracing your skin in a bath

These are the sensations I long for

but none of them come close

your hand stroking me

your gaze catching mine

your voice softly speaking

None of them come close to

what is your perception of love

and immediately I told her about you

you are the embodiment of it

you wear love so gracefully

it flows through you so effortlessly

emanates from your very being

and turns everything you touch into gold

When you look at me

the butterflies in my stomach

After being on my own for so long

I had forgotten how someone