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Task 1 Ha An

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Writing task 1: ORIGINAL

The bar graph below indicates figure for the earning of one country provided by exporting in 5 different
fields between 2015 and 2016. The proportion change of each categories is illustrated in the table below
Broadly, it is obvious that petroleum goods and engineered products were both fundamental industry
which created the largest income from selling their merchandises. Excepting from gems and jewellery, all
of others 4 categories witnessed a moderate growth about profit in a period of 1 year from 2015 to 2016.
To begin with, there was a slight rise of 3% in the amount of money provided by trading fossil fuel
products in 2016 from just over 60 billions to 63 billions. The year 2016 witnessed a more apparent
increase of 8,5 % in the profit becoming exporting engineered merchandises.
In term of selling at agricultural goods, the figure for this field in a country remained stable in the region
of 32 billions. Textile industry was the only category having the highest upward trend in the value of
exporting which accounted for 15,24% in 2016. Finally, standing at well over 42 billions, the profit
coming from exchanging gems and jewellery declined marginally to slightly over 40 billions after 1 year.
Corrected by GRAMMARLY APP:
The bar graph below indicates the figure for the earning of one country provided by exporting in 5
different fields between 2015 and 2016. The proportion change of each category is illustrated in the table
below
Broadly, it is obvious that petroleum goods and engineered products were both fundamental industries
that created the largest income from selling their merchandise. Excepting for gems and jewellery, all of
the other 4 categories witnessed moderate growth in profit in a period of 1 year from 2015 to 2016.
To begin with, there was a slight rise of 3% in the amount of money provided by trading fossil fuel
products in 2016 from just over 60 billion to 63 billion. The year 2016 witnessed a more apparent
increase of 8,5 % in the profit becoming exporting engineered merchandise.
In terms of selling agricultural goods, the figure for this field in a country remained stable in the region of
32 billion. The textile industry was the only category having the highest upward trend in the value of
exporting which accounted for 15,24% in 2016. Finally, standing at well over 42 billion, the profit
coming from exchanging gems and jewellery

ASSESSMENT:
Task Achievement: 7/9 The response describes the main trends and compares the earnings of 5 different
fields of a country in 2015 and 2016..
Coherence and Cohesion: 7/9 The response is generally easy to follow but has some coherence and
cohesion issues.
Vocabulary: 7/9 The candidate uses a range of vocabulary but with limited flexibility and accuracy.
Some words and phrases are not used correctly, which affects the overall coherence of the text. For
example, "excepting" instead of "except for".
Grammar: 7/9 The candidate demonstrates some control of grammar.
Overall Score: 7/9
Vocabulary errors:
 "excepting" should be "except for"
 "upward trend in the value of exporting" could be "upward trend in export value" or "an increase
in the value of exports"
Grammatical errors:
 "Becoming exporting" should be "from exporting"
 "The year 2016 witnessed a more apparent increase of 8,5 % in the profit becoming exporting
engineered merchandise" could be "The year 2016 witnessed a more apparent increase of 8.5% in
the profit from exporting engineered merchandise"
 "The textile industry was the only category having the highest upward trend in the value of
exporting which accounted for 15,24% in 2016" could be "The textile industry had the highest
upward trend in export value, accounting for 15.24% in 2016."

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