Example Candidate Responses – Paper 1

Question 3

Example Candidate Response – high Examiner comments

1 This short introduction is not

required. The answer could begin
straight away with ideas for any of
the three bullets. However, it may
have helped this candidate to think
their way into the situation and to
establish a suitable register / voice
for their response.
2 The candidate’s reference
to inviting the family around for
cake and crisps is in line with the
suggestion in the text that this
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might be the usual kind of birthday
celebration in this household.
3 The candidate includes and
develops ideas for the first bullet in
this paragraph. The candidate takes
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on Sonny’s perspective to describe
his initial reaction to Dad’s planned
adventure of the big cycle ride and
his desire to prove to everyone and
himself that he could do it.
4 Sonny’s initial doubts about his
3
father’s capabilities are suggested
in the text, for example, in the
reference to his age.
4 5 5 The candidate acknowledges
Sonny’s admiration for his father’s
efforts during the ride through a
relevant ‘thought’ in relation to
the second bullet of the task and
recognition that Sonny’s attitude
appears to change during the
experience.

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Example Candidate Responses – Paper 1

Example Candidate Response – high, continued Examiner comments

6 6 The candidate offers further

development in Sonny’s reaction to
the plan for Rob to accompany Dad
on the ride, but to stay in his car.
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7 The candidate has added to
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this first section of the answer,
suggesting that they have taken
time after writing their response
to read back through and look for
opportunities to extend the range of
ideas and details they had included.
8 This explanation of the
hardships Dad faced, includes
frequent integrated detail from
the text and covers the ideas that
although he was struggling with the
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climb, having difficulty breathing and
needed to be fitter, Dad remained
determined.
9 The candidate integrates details
from the text here and interprets
them from Sonny’s point of view.

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 Example Candidate Responses – Paper 1

Example Candidate Response – high, continued Examiner comments

10 10 Sonny’s concern that his

father might need medical help is
suggested in his reaction to the
change in Dad’s breathing and
details from the text are woven into
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the answer: Dad’s need to stop
(take a rest) and Sonny’s final words
in the passage encouraging his
father on.
11 The candidate uses a range of
ideas which are rooted in the detail
and suggestions of the text have
been used and developed in this
final section of the answer dealing
with bullet three of the task. Dad’s
amusement and self deprecating
humour, which is evident in the
passage, is initially established here.
The candidate takes the opportunity
to develop and detail the reactions
to each of the stages of the race as
Dad looks back via the video. They
pick up on his likely disappointment
and regret, based on one valid
interpretation of the hints in the text
that he might not have finally made
it to the top.

12 12 The candidate’s answer

includes a good range of ideas
over all three bullets with frequent,
integrated details and well-sustained
development of ideas from Sonny’s
perspective. They use a consistent
and convincing voice throughout
and a fairly effective register.

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Example Candidate Responses – Paper 1

Example Candidate Response – high, continued Examiner comments

13 The candidate’s plan to record

13 the cycle on video is usefully
added here, along with the
reference to the soundtrack (music)
Sonny planned to add, extending
the coverage of ideas in relation to
the first bullet of the question.
Reading Level 5
Writing Level 5

Total mark awarded =

23 out of 25

How the candidate could have improved their answer

The candidate could have further widened the range of their ideas in relation to the first bullet using material from
later in the text. They could have used ideas from anywhere in the text and these ideas could have been included
anywhere in their answer, which might have helped them find extra opportunities for additional points or detail when
planning or editing.

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