Test Bank For Advertising and Promotion Canadian 6th Edition Guolla Belch 1259272303 9781259272301
Test Bank For Advertising and Promotion Canadian 6th Edition Guolla Belch 1259272303 9781259272301
Test Bank For Advertising and Promotion Canadian 6th Edition Guolla Belch 1259272303 9781259272301
MULTIPLE CHOICE. Choose the one alternative that best completes the statement or answers the
question.
1) An advertising agency that is set up, owned, and operated by the advertiser is called a(n):
A) client management firm B) in-house agency
C) full-service agency D) centralized system
Answer: B
2) A major reason for a client using a(n) is to reduce advertising and promotion costs.
A) client management system B) full-service system
C) self-sufficient agency D) in-house agency
Answer: D
3) Companies who use a combination of in-house and outside agencies tend to use the external firms
mostly for:
A) sales presentations B) creative and media services
C) direct mail pieces D) weekly circulars
Answer: B
4) A major reason why some companies choose to use an in-house agency is to:
A) maintain creative freshness
B) win advertising awards that will enhance the image of their brands
C) better understand how advertising works
D) reduce advertising and promotions costs
Answer: D
5) Lack of sufficient internal expertise and personnel growing stale while working on the same product
might be reasons why a company might move away from:
A) the use of full-service advertising agencies B) a brand marketing system
C) an in-house agency D) the use of creative boutiques
Answer: C
1
6) Joe Fresh moved its creativity in-house from an agency in order to:
A) better understand how advertising works
B) encourage its staff to think about the brand
C) provide full service at a lower cost
D) employ creatives from Target, who might have expertise in the U.S. market
Answer: B
7) Target's internal creative department handles the design of each of these elements EXCEPT:
A) weekly circulars B) branding initiatives
C) in-store displays D) direct-mail pieces
Answer: B
2
8) Which of the following is assigned to Target's outside agencies?
A) direct-mail pieces
B) branding and image-oriented communication
C) weekly circulars and in-store displays
D) promotions
Answer: B
9) Which of the following statements explains why an organization would want to use an outside
advertising agency?
A) An outside advertising agency has more knowledge of the brand's identity and its previous
promotional activities.
B) An outside advertising agency helps the client gain more prestige and a better image.
C) An outside advertising agency provides the client with the services of highly skilled individuals
who are experts in a number of areas including creative, media, and research.
D) An outside advertising agency saves money for the client.
Answer: C
10) When a client works for many years with a primary agency whose focus is on building the client's
brand, it is known as a(n):
A) agency-of-record (AOR) B) full-service relationship
C) principle agency D) primary service provider
Answer: A
3
13) International multiservice agencies were formed by mergers and acquisitions of mid-sized agencies
in order to:
A) forge stronger alliances between agencies and their clients
B) eliminate the need for domestic agencies
C) provide integrated marketing communications services worldwide
D) market their services more broadly
Answer: D
14) Major agencies that offer an ever-broadening range of IMC services would be more appropriately
called:
A) multinational creative boutiques B) advertising agencies
C) marketing communication agencies D) full-service partners
Answer: C
15) Which type of ad agency is most likely to assist the client in areas such as marketing strategy and
research, campaign planning and execution, and media planning and buying?
A) a media buying service B) a creative boutique
C) a full-service agency D) a collateral agency
Answer: C
16) A full-service agency offers its clients all of the following EXCEPT:
A) human resources management
B) public relations expertise
C) full range of marketing, communication, and promotion services
D) research and creative development
Answer: A
17) An ad agency that offers its clients a complete range of marketing, communication, and promotion
services is known as a(n):
A) comprehensive marketing organization B) in-house agency
C) full-service agency D) media buying service
Answer: C
18) The communications link between the ad agency and its clients is:
A) creative services B) media
C) marketing services D) account services
Answer: D
19) The is responsible for understanding the advertiser's marketing and promotional needs
and interpreting them to agency personnel.
A) marketing specialist B) media specialist
C) account executive D) copywriter
Answer: C
4
20) The agency personwho is the focal point of the agency-client relationship is the:
A) product manager B) brand manager
C) account executive D) media buyer
Answer: C
21) The function of gathering, analyzing, and interpreting information that will be useful in developing
advertising is the responsibility of the agency's department.
A) research B) production
C) account management D) traffic
Answer: A
22) Which of the following functions is NOT performed by the agency's research department?
A) interpreting information to assist in advertising decision-making
B) disseminating information to agency account planners
C) designing, executing, and interpreting primary research studies
D) planning the creative and media strategies for the advertising campaign
Answer: D
23) The in an agency interacts with personnel from all disciplines and provides insights into
consumers and how to communicate with them.
A) account planner B) traffic manager
C) account executive D) media director
Answer: A
24) Advertising ideasand concepts are derived from the creative brief, which includes information
about consumers, competitors, and the market. This is the responsibility of the:
A) media director B) account planner
C) account executive D) creative director
Answer: B
25) The department in an advertising agency that is responsible for analyzing, selecting, and contracting
for ad space or time that will be used to deliver its client's advertising message is the
department.
A) marketing research B) account services
C) public relations D) media
Answer: D
26) The department is becoming an increasingly important part of the agency business as
many large advertisers consolidate their media buying with one or a few agencies to save money and
improve media efficiency.
A) traffic B) media
C) product management D) production
Answer: B
5
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“Yes, I do realize that, my dear Vandeleur. I realize it most fully.
Steps shall be taken. Steps shall be taken at once.”
“Receive the girl in the Family—a nice girl, too, I’m told—and let us
hear no more of it,” said the Hostess to Mother, who would not have
been averse from striking her for her effrontery.
What a pity it is that diamonds in excess are so demoralizing.
Full and ample forgiveness on the part of Grosvenor Square seemed
to be indicated, provided that a proper humility and a reversion to the
status quo ante was forthcoming on the part of the erring. Let the young
woman be received in the Family, provided that the heir to the barony
withdrew his odious candidature for Blackhampton, had said in effect the
Leader of the Opposition; and a tolerably easy constituency should be
provided for the young man. He might then emerge as a full-blown
Wagger after a period of grace in which to atone for his naughtiness.
Father and Mother drove home in the electric brougham pondering
deeply the wisdom of the sage. It would mean a considerable sacrifice of
personal dignity thus to bargain with Her. They were a little surprised
and even a little grieved, perhaps, that the Great Man had shown so scant
a consideration for their domestic feelings; but then it was a familiar trait
of his that he was ever ready to sacrifice the individual upon the altar of
Party.
It looked like Humble Pie, and patrician stomachs are not very fond
of that dish. But there did not seem to be any way out of it. The ukase
had gone forth from the Chief that this wicked and immoral candidature
must not proceed. It was bound to create a most unfortunate impression
in the country. It only remained for them, in the opinion of that wise and
far-seeing statesman, to swallow the bitter portion and make peace on
honorable terms.
“One thing, Agatha, we may congratulate ourselves upon, at any
rate,” said the Proconsul. “Vandeleur took it much better than we had
reason to expect.”
“That is very well, Wally. But don’t let us congratulate ourselves too
soon. It may not be so easy to get him to withdraw as Mr. Vandeleur
supposes.”
“But if we offer a clean slate?” said the Proconsul.
“When a man is clearly infatuated,” said Mother, who was often
inclined to sententiousness about this hour of the evening, “you can
count on nothing beyond the fact that She will make herself as
disagreeable as possible.”
In what manner should the olive-branch be conveyed by the dove of
peace? Delicacy was called for. Was Mother or was Father the better
qualified to exercise it? Mother had not been altogether a success in the
rôle of the diplomatist at large. It was idle to shut one’s eyes to that fact,
wasn’t it? But then, had Father? Really, if it came to that, neither had
much margin for self-congratulation. And when all is said, Humble Pie is
not a very eupeptic form of diet.
“Wally,” said the Colthurst of Suffolk at the breakfast table on the
following morning, “I have given the matter most anxious consideration,
and I think, having regard to everything, it is, perhaps, best left in my
hands.”
The Proconsul looked just a little dubious as he removed the top of a
hard-boiled egg.
“You are quite sure, Agatha, that you feel competent?”
“Quite, Wally.”
“Well, perhaps you are right. I hope so, at all events.”
It was decided that Mother should call in Knightsbridge that
afternoon upon Daughter-in-law, in spite of the Danger.
“That I will risk,” said Mother, who at heart was an Amazon. “Only
once have I seen her, and that was in Bedford Gardens, and she opened
the door to me holding a potato in one hand and a knife in the other.”
As the case had been represented to Father, he was quite prepared to
believe even that.
“If you would like me to accompany you, Agatha,” said the
Proconsul gallantly, “I will cut the Select Committee this afternoon.”
But Mother seemed to feel quite competent to take care of herself;
and, after all, Father saw no real reason to doubt her ability.
Accordingly, at the punctual hour of half-past four that afternoon,
Mother entered the lift at Park Mansions, and was hoisted in a patent
elevator to the threshold of the Guilty Pair.
Happily, on this occasion her ring was answered not by a damsel, a
knife and a potato, but by an undeniably smart young parlor-maid, who
was quite trim enough to please the most severely critical.
Was Mrs. Shelmerdine at home?
The S. Y. P., who had charming natural manners, smiled a really very
nice affirmative.
As Mother entered the domain of the Guilty Pair, it seemed to her
that everything in the little vestibule, and there was hardly anything in it
to speak of, was, considering all things, in surprisingly good taste.
“Why, Mater, this is awfully sweet of you,” said the manly voice of
Mr. Philip.
Salutations of a filial and unaffected character. The young man was
really not deep enough to be wary. All was about to be forgiven,
evidently, else the good old mater would not be calling upon ’em.
Nevertheless, a little surprise was in store for this optimist. Mary, whose
amiable custom it was to meet the whole world a little more than half
way, did not exactly throw herself into the arms of Mother.
Mother, moreover, did not exactly cast herself upon the neck of
Mary.
They chose to shake hands rather than have recourse to any less
formal style of reception.
“So nice of you, Lady Shelmerdine, to find your way up to our little
foot in the air.”
It was said very cool and smiling, but if the young minx had left it
unsaid it would have been just as well, perhaps, since somehow it didn’t
seem to help things particularly.
“The art furniture is more comfortable than it looks, Lady
Shelmerdine,” said the young Madam archly. “Try this one. Don’t you
like our yellow wall-paper? Phil-ipp’s taste is so wonderful. Will you
have some tea?”
Mother would be pleased to have some tea, but it was by no means
clear, for all that, that Mrs. Philip was yet in the Family.
The young Madam poured out tea as though she didn’t mind very
much whether she was in the Family or whether she wasn’t. Young
ladies of Newnham and Girton, we can’t help thinking, although it
grieves us terribly to criticize the Heroine, that this was very wrong of
her. Mother was eating Humble Pie, and she ought to have been trying a
little as well.
The Twin Brethren handed the tea to Mother in quite their ablest
manner.
“Have some muffin while it’s warm, Mater.”
Mother preferred bread and butter, thank you.
Conversation seemed to languish rather, until Mother made the
important discovery that you got quite a nice view of the park.
“Toppin’!” said Mr. Philip.
“I’m afraid these flats must be dreadfully expensive,” said the
Maternal One.
“Not for the position, Mater.”
Mother hoped not, at any rate.
“I hope you have noticed our Whistler, Lady Shelmerdine?” said
Mary the demure.
Oh, where was the Whistler? Mother was so fond of canaries.
Calamity nearly overtook the muffin of Daughter-in-law. Happily it
stopped at very nearly.
“The little picture opposite, Lady Shelmerdine. But you can’t really
see it now the sun has got round to the west.”
Mother had to examine the gem, of course, like any other art critic.
Glasses did great execution. Which was the Whistler? Ah, yes, to be
sure, the name of the artist. An artist with a name so original was bound
to be rated highly. A present from Sir Herbert Forrest, the famous actor-
manager. Yes, Mother had seen him as the Woodman in Twelfth Night.
How interesting to have such a memento from such a famous man. And
how well you could see the park. And she did hope it was not too
expensive. And everything in such good taste, although yellow for a
wall-paper was a rather modern color. And such delicious tea. And what
charming cups. A present from Mr. Vandeleur. How kind—a memento,
of course, of his respect and admiration for dear Phil-ipp’s father.
“It didn’t say so on the card, though, Mater,” said dear Phil-ipp with
a clumsiness for which, perhaps, he is to be forgiven. “It said on the card,
‘To Cinderella, from a Humble Admirer who wishes her every
happiness.’”
So nice of Mr. Vandeleur to be so tactful. Could there be a clearer
indication of Mr. Vandeleur’s esteem for a friend and colleague?
It hadn’t occurred to Hubby, though, that this really charming china
tea-set was in any way connected with the great Proconsul.
Mother was a little hurt by this unfilial obtuseness. As though there
could be any other reason. Mr. Vandeleur was so able, so responsible.
However, the tea-service was charming—and blue china, too.
These were elegant preliminaries, but Mother’s mission was both
high and delicate. Enormous tact was needed, you know. Suaviter in
Modo this time at least.
Was it correct that Philip was standing for Parliament?—Oh, yes.
But as a Rag, Tag, and Bobtail, according to The Thunderer?—Yes,
the Leading Morning Journal was correctly informed.
Somehow that seemed merely to leave matters in a state of
suspended animation. Philip was pleasantly frank, yet without being
particularly communicative. Mrs. Philip seemed wholly absorbed in the
vernal prospect.
“I am sure, dear Phil-ipp, you will be sorry to know that your father
is upset.”
Like a dutiful son, Phil-ipp was awfully sorry.
“And Mr. Vandeleur, of course. Your father was the last peer made by
his Gover’ment. So wounding to a man as sensitive as Mr. Vandeleur!”
Mr. Philip was awfully sorry that his little adventure was being taken
so seriously by people whom he would not have supposed would have
paid it any attention.
“But, dear Phil-ipp,” said Mother, “your father holds such a special
position in public life. He is so upset. A real grief to him, with the affairs
of the country in their present deplorable state. The Constitution, you
know—! Dear Phil-ipp, have you fully considered the question?”
Oh, yes, dear Phil-ipp had considered the question—that is, as well
as he was able to. He didn’t pretend that he knew very much about it; but
Polly rather thought—the prophetic soul of Mother!—but Polly rather
thought that a man of means and leisure ought to go into Parliament, and
try and make himself useful to the world. Not that personally he felt he
would be of any use at all.
“I can only say, dear Phil-ipp,” said Mother, “that your father is much
upset; Mr. Vandeleur is much upset; the Party is much upset; and we
have all talked about you quite anxiously. Don’t you realize what an
amount of political capital will be made of your standing as a Rag by the
enemies of the Empire?”
“I shouldn’t have thought anybody would have cared twopence about
it, Mater. It isn’t as though I had any ability.”
“It is not you, of course, who matters so much. It is your dear father
who carries so much weight in the country.”
But Mr. Philip supposed, though not at all disrespectfully, that a chap
of twenty-eight was entitled to have views of his own.
Mother didn’t quite agree with that general proposition. There were
some things, for instance, Religion and Politics to name only two,
although there were others she could have mentioned, in which it was
only right for a well-born and expensively nurtured Englishman to defer
to the more matured wisdom of his ancestors.
Mr. Philip was awfully sorry, but he rather believed in Progress.
Mother was a little inclined to snort at Progress. What, pray, did one
who had got as far as he had want with Progress! As far as Mother could
see, the current idea of Progress was to take money out of the pockets of
those who were better off than yourself, and put it into your own.
“And there is no reason for you to resort to that, Phil-ipp,” said
Mother, with a sudden effusion of Inspired Commonsense; “because you
have more than the majority.”
Daughter-in-law, still looking through the window, and wholly
absorbed in contemplation of the vernal prospect, was suddenly
overwhelmed by a dreadful fear lest the histrionic temperament, which
was her own private and particular cross, should make an exhibition of
itself.
Mother was fearfully good at argument, and always had been. Phil-
ipp, of course, was the merest child at it, even though he had been
selected by the Party of Progress to fight their great cause. Mother in her
inmost heart thought it was the clearest proof of the contemptible level of
Rag intellect, that any body of registered voters should have brought
themselves to confide in any such candidate. And Mother nearly boiled
over when Mr. Philip made an even more abject confession of his
impotence.
“Come and argue with the Mater a bit,” said he to fair Nature’s
admirer, still at gaze upon the vernal prospect. “She’s much too clever
for me.”
Should Mother take off the gloves? No, decidedly more Politic not to
remove them. Mother’s third chin advanced a little, though, in spite of
herself. This daughter of the people was likely to know more about the
peeling of potatoes than of the conduct of high politics.
At the summons of her lord, however, the young minx controlled her
mobile features as well as in her lay; and in that designing mind was the
question, Should she toy a little with this Victorian Mamma? Or should
she exercise her arts and blandishments?
“It is so wrong of Phil-ipp,” said Mother, “and I think you ought to
exercise the influence that every wife—that is, if she is good and worthy
—has with her husband, and dissuade him from this course. You do see,
do you not, that it is most injudicious for a man in his position?”
“Well, Lady Shelmerdine,” said Mischief, having decided in favor of
the broader way, “Phil-ipp looks at it like this—don’t you, Phil-ipp? The
Rags do get on a bit, but the Waggers are generally going backwards.”
Followed an academic discussion of the Situation. A most immoral
proceeding, Mother was bound to believe. Ingratitude could not further
go than for the eldest son of the very last peer created by Mr. Vandeleur’s
Gover’ment to go over horse, foot and artillery, to the foe.
“To what extent ought a son to suffer for the indiscretion of his
father?” inquired Mischief solemnly.
Mother begged pardon; she didn’t understand. Daughter-in-law
seemed unable to render the question any clearer.
At this point the Conference seemed to take a turn for the worse.
Did Mrs. Shelmerdine really suppose, said Mother in crystal tones,
that young men in the position of her husband had no responsibilities to
society?
Oh, yes, Mrs. Shelmerdine was quite sure they had, and that was why
personally she was so glad he had decided to throw in his lot with the
party of Progress.
Progress, said Mother—What, pray, is Progress?
The question was rather difficult for a young married woman to
answer. But fortunately it appeared that Phil-ipp was not depending
wholly upon dialectics in the coming battle.
“I am sorry to hear it,” said Mother.
Yes, that was rather subtle for Mother.
“I suppose you feel, Lady Shelmerdine,” said the young wife, “that if
he depended entirely on his mental powers he would have no chance of
getting in.”
Mother ignored the question, perhaps a little pointedly.
Well, it seemed that Phil-ipp had several other strings to his bow.
Mother had implicit faith, however, in the essential good sense of her
countrymen in the Midlands. They were such shrewd people in the
Midlands; and Mother hoped and believed they would demand qualities
more positive than those guaranteed by the fact that the Rag candidate
was the eldest son of a distinguished father.
Mischief agreed; but if the Candidate was able to kick three goals
against Aston Villa, which he was quite capable of doing if he went into
special training for the purpose, in the opinion of the local experts, there
was no power on earth that could keep him from the head of the poll.
This, of course, took Mother out of her depth completely. She herself
was something of an old parliamentary hand; and she had gained first-
hand experience in the days when the Proconsul was merely Sir Walter
and a light of the House of Commons. But this was beyond her.
Mother had never heard of Aston Villa; and when Daughter-in-law
took pains to explain who Aston Villa was, somehow Mother didn’t
seem much enlightened. But of one thing she was sure. To fight a
parliamentary election upon any such basis was subversive of the
Constitution.
No, somehow the Conference didn’t seem to prosper. Nevertheless,
Mother was there with the olive-branch; but really, in the circumstances,
she didn’t quite see what use could be made of the floral emblem. Still,
an effort would have to be made.
To do justice to Mother, she was quite prepared to eat Humble Pie. It
was most unlikely that any good would come of the act of deglutition;
still, desperate remedies were called for.
“To be perfectly candid, Phil-ipp,” said Mother, really getting to
business at last, “your father has taken counsel of Mr. Vandeleur—most
anxious counsel; and, acting upon his suggestion, he is fully prepared to
offer a warm welcome to you both in Grosvenor Square; and he very
much hopes you will allow your name to be withdrawn, and sometime,
quite soon, Mr. Vandeleur himself will find you a constituency, because
he is really concerned that a young man of such promise should be lost to
the party.”
Thus did Mother grapple right nobly with the unsavory cates.
Perhaps her table manners were not quite so delicate as some people’s
might have been; but let none be so heartless as to criticize her when she
is wrestling so nobly with her Cross.
Phil-ipp and Mary were touched, of course, by the liberal offer;
touched very deeply, although they didn’t quite see how it would be
possible for the former to go back on his principles, even allowing for
the fact that the fatted calf is such delectable fare. They were awfully
nice about it, though, which is, of course, what you would expect them to
be; very gentle and polite and even affectionate with Mother, who was
doing her best in circumstances quite foreign to her nature.
All the same, the conclusion of the Conference was by no means all
that could have been desired. The guilty pair had involved themselves so
deeply with Blackhampton that they couldn’t very well draw back.
Besides, it was not wholly clear that they wanted to. After all, a man who
had attained the ripe age of twenty-eight might aspire to a few
convictions. Phil-ipp felt so strongly that the future lay with the party of
Progress.
Mother failed undoubtedly in her diplomatic errand. And no doubt
the measure of her failure was in her parting words that dear Phil-ipp
would never be forgiven by his father if he persisted in going to the poll.
Mother took an affectionate leave of her peccant son, but her leave of
Daughter-in-law was very guarded.
CHAPTER XXVII
ANOTHER TRIUMPH FOR FREE TRADE
T had to go forward at Blackhampton in spite of the Ukase, and
forward they went right merrily. The adoption of Philip was a fine stroke
on the part of the Rags, because the Blackhampton Rovers had a
following of about thirty thousand persons weekly, and one and all of
these acclaimed it as quite the right policy. The famous inside right had
had in his day—which was not so very far off either—only one superior
in that responsible position, and he was Steve Bloomer. If the Rag
candidate could only reproduce his form on a great occasion, he was
bound to go straight to the top of the poll.
A general election was expected in the autumn. Philip and Mary
spent August at Trouville in order to prepare for the fray. Philip trained
on the sands, and Mary composed speeches while she listened to the
seductive strains of Monsieur Marly’s Marine Orchestra. And then, when
this delightful month was over, they went to Blackhampton in fighting
trim; hired a house for three months on its outskirts, and set to work in
grim earnest.
In a very short time they were the two most popular people in this
rather unalluring city. It was democratic to the core; and the fact that the
Rag candidate was the son of Mr. Vandeleur’s very last creation was
made a cardinal point by his opponents. But, as the candidate said with
simple pathos at every meeting—Gentlemen, it is not fair to hold me
responsible for my father. No man ought to be held responsible for his
father. I am doing my level best to live down my father, gentlemen, and
in so doing I look confidently for the support of every follower of the
Rovers in this room, for they, I know, are good sportsmen.
Whereupon the good sportsmen in question invariably roared
themselves hoarse.
And then the Candidate would proceed: Gentlemen, I am not much
use at a speech. But I’ll just say this. I hope we shall beat the Villa on
Saturday. (Uproar.) It won’t be for want of trying, anyhow. (Uproar.) And
if we do manage to beat ’em, and I think we shall—(cries of “Good
lad!”)—I hope you will be kind enough to forgive my oratory (cries of
“Rather!” and loud cheering).
And now, gentlemen, I am going to ask my wife, who is a far better
speaker than I am, to say a few words. There is no need for me to make
you known to one another, because she tells me you are all old friends of
hers. (Loud cheers, and cries of “Sing us a song, Mary!”)
Mary, looking like a picture-postcard, would then sit down to the
piano, which with great foresight had been provided by the Executive
Committee, and proceed to sing that famous ballad from Iolanthe about
good Queen Bess’s glorious days when the House of Lords did nothing
in particular, and did it very well. That was pretty well for a beginning;
and the audience would be so delighted with this effort that she was not
allowed to get to her speech until she had sung all the old favorites that
had made her so famous. And then, when she had sung all her songs, the
Chairman, Mr. Alderman Slocock, would interpose and say that it was
really not fair to insist on her making a speech, because if they did she
might have no voice left the following evening for the great meeting at
the Corn Exchange. And this course having been commended by the
meeting as a rare example of political foresight, the proceedings
terminated with the usual vote of confidence, in which there was not a
single dissentient voice.
Aston Villa were beaten handsomely on the following Saturday; and,
although the Candidate only managed to kick one goal, he showed so
much of his old form that it was clear already that another striking blow
had been delivered against the House of Lords. In fact, that tottering
institution had not a look in, really. Its meetings were very tame affairs
by comparison, even if the standard of speech-making was thought by
some people to be higher. But little or no interest was taken in them;
while at those of the unfilial young man, who was going to take away his
father’s Veto, there wasn’t even standing room an hour before the
proceedings began.
Undoubtedly it was going to be a signal triumph for the People’s
Cause. The Candidate combined so well with the rest of the Rovers’
forwards that the Wolverhampton Wanderers were beaten on their own
ground, and Manchester City were simply annihilated. “Deeds not
Words” flamed forth in the Rag colors, a vivid orange, from every
hoarding. If the Candidate only kept up his form, said those who knew
(and there was a surprising amount of omniscience in Blackhampton just
now), the Rovers were bound to win the Cup and Mr. Balsquith would
make him Home Secretary immediately.
In spite of all the adulation he received, the Candidate remained very
simple and modest about it all. Even after he had scored two goals
against Sheffield Wednesday, he never attempted any particular flight of
oratory. The Missus could do all that so much better. No doubt she could
have done, but South-West Blackhampton was far too wise in its day and
generation to give her the chance. Let her attend to the piano. That, in the
opinion of South-West Blackhampton, was so much more important.
The dissolution of Parliament occurred in the middle of November. A
crowded and glorious fortnight followed. Notts Forest were beaten; a
draw was made with Sunderland; and on the very eve of the poll
Tottenham Hotspur received a most crushing reverse.
For the second time in its ignoble history, Protection was not only
dead but damned.
It was all over bar the shouting, even before the fateful day had
dawned. The Flag-Waggers could hardly raise a waggle; the sitting
member realized already that he had lost his seat. Blackhampton went
solidly for the Rags, and the best inside right in England—never mind
Steve Bloomer!—was hoisted with a noble majority to the top of the
poll.
Unparalleled scenes were enacted in Market Square. The horses were
taken out of the New Member’s carriage, and he and his charming wife
were drawn in triumph through the principal streets.
A deputation with Alderman Slocock at its head waited on the New
Member at his committee room the morning after the declaration of the
poll. The Rovers hoped in all humility that their famous inside right
would not desert them now.
Desert the Rovers! Nothing was further from the New Member’s
intention. Certainly he would play for them for the rest of the season if
only they were good enough to choose him. And the deputation
withdrew, after further congratulations upon his deserved success, and
having further acclaimed him as a true sportsman.
Some members of Parliament might have been rather bored by
having to play every week for the Blackhampton Rovers, but that was
not the case with Philip. He had renewed his youth; never in his life had
he more thoroughly enjoyed this manly game. Besides, he had all
Blackhampton for his friends. He was a really great man in
Blackhampton, and even self-effacing people like to know that places
exist where their merits are appreciated.
Nevertheless, when the news reached Grosvenor Square that the
Rags had gained a seat at Blackhampton, and that the turnover of votes
had been tremendous, surprise was mingled with consternation.
“It wasn’t as if the fellow had any brains,” said Father to everybody.
Mother, however, informed the world privately that she always
thought dear Phil-ipp had been underrated by his father. It was very
wrong, of course, to stand as a Rag, but no young man wholly devoid of
ability could possibly have gained a seat like South-West Blackhampton
with such an enormous majority.
Still, Grosvenor Square was quite at a loss to understand it. But one
thing was clear. The breach was widened by this painful incident; at
least, Father, in his blindness, thought so. Had failure been the portion of
this wicked revolt, forgiveness would have been easier. Its dazzling
success seemed to put forgiveness out of the question.
Mother, perhaps, was inclined to weaken a bit. After all, did it really
matter so much? And was it not better than leading an idle and useless
life? However misplaced the ambition, surely it was an evidence of that
dormant ability, which in her heart she had always known to be there,
since her family was never without it.
Father, however, was adamant. It was an open flout. Moreover, it had
rendered him ridiculous in the Inner Circle, which, however, so far from
viewing the matter with exaggerated grief was rather inclined to see in it
a joke of a high order. Why this should have been the case Father had no
means of knowing. To one of his own staunch principles it was certainly
no laughing matter.
As time passed, the maternal heart of Mother was disposed to relent,
but Father, alas! would not hear of compromise. He felt too keenly this
double act of filial disloyalty. It was rather absurd to view things in this
light, said the friends of both parties, but the Proconsul was adamant.
He went his way, and Philip and Mary went theirs. In spite of their
wrong-doing the guilty pair contrived to be extremely happy in the little
nest at Knightsbridge. But Father, alas! grew exceedingly miserable.
Even Mother had come to agree with the world, that Father was not
behaving with his usual wisdom. Mrs. Philip was really less Bohemian
than Mother had feared, in spite of the incident of the potato. If she were
duly encouraged, she might have the makings of a good wife.
Indeed, by the time the Guilty Pair had been married a little more
than a year, Mrs. Philip certainly fulfilled one of the important duties
incident to the degree in life to which it had pleased Providence to call
her. As a matter of fact, she overdid it a little, in the opinion of persons
qualified to speak with authority. She presented Philip with Twins.
Alas! even when the glad news was borne to Father, he remained
firm in his attitude. He still played the part of Achilles sulking in his tent,
although it was openly said by all right-minded people that such conduct
was entirely unworthy of a great Proconsul.
One thing was clear, however, now that this joyful event had
occurred. The little nest in Knightsbridge was no longer adequate. A
move was therefore made to a more commodious abode in Pont Street.
Philip was almost ridiculously proud to be a father. He went up and
down the metropolis in a way that must have been intolerable to those
who do not love the human race. He had “had his leg pulled” pretty
severely over his return for South-West Blackhampton, but that was
nothing in comparison with what he had now to endure.
“What are you going to call ’em, Shel, old boy?” was the greeting of
all and sundry.
Two lusty men they were, whose lungs thus early in life did infinite
credit to both parents.
To the credit of Mother, be it said, the Twins proved altogether too
much for her. She hauled down her flag completely, and even went to the
length of consenting to meet the goddaughter of Edward Bean in
consultation. There had been faults on both sides, perhaps. Still, the
goddaughter of Edward Bean, whose eyesight, to be sure, was not what it
used to be, was only able to see faults on one side.
Nevertheless, the lion lay down with the lamb; and Mother herself
took charge of the removal to Pont Street. Moreover, she even went to
the length of choosing a desirable residence; and insisted on furnishing it
in part with a dole from the privy purse. Yet, while Mother was behaving
in this rational and sensible manner and was thus laying up a store of
happiness for herself, Father declined to be comforted, and every day
made himself more unhappy.
Tragedy began to hover around the pillows of the great Proconsul.
His appetite declined; his clothes no longer fitted him; no longer did he
seem to care about public business as of yore. Instead of the succession
being doubly secure, the Family might have been threatened with
extinction.
CHAPTER XXVIII
THE END OF THE TALE
I was Mary’s custom to give the Twins an airing in the park every
morning when the weather was fine. Like a wise young mother, she
personally undertook this important duty; trundling the perambulator
herself, and gaining health and happiness thereby, in spite of the
emphatic protests of Philip, who seemed to think that nursemaids had
been invented for that purpose.
This was a subject, however, upon which Mary was a little inclined
to dogmatism. A mother who was young and strong, and as absurdly
proud as she was of her progeny, should show herself to be worthy of the
good gifts of heaven by taking a thoroughly practical interest in their
welfare. This was pretty sound doctrine, the Member for Blackhampton
was obliged to admit, although personally he rather thought that
nursemaids—
Mary had no belief in nursemaids.
Thereupon the proud father, in spite of an involuntary shudder of the
Twin Brethren—within his own breast, of course, not those within the
vehicle—felt that he himself should be allowed to undertake this onerous
duty.
Mary laughed at this. It was not the business of Man to push
perambulators, and no self-respecting woman would ever endure the
spectacle.
The pushing of the perambulator had all the elements of a pretty little
quarrel in it; but these young married people were much too modern and
sensible to conduct themselves in that old and foolish fashion. Amantium
iræ amused them not. Real pals don’t snarl at one another, whatever Q.
Horatius may have to say upon the subject.
Therefore the proud father had to capitulate. Besides, said Mary, it
would never do for white spats by Grant and Cockburn to condescend to
such a menial occupation. The Button Club would certainly expel their
wearer if he was guilty of any such solecism. Even as it was, rumor had
it that he had been severely reprimanded by the Committee for daring to
stand as a Rag for Blackhampton, and worse, of getting himself elected
by a considerable majority. If he were to be seen pushing a “pram” in the
park on a fine June morning, he would be compelled to resign his
membership of the institution.
The member for Blackhampton had to yield; and Mary was left in
undisputed possession of her perambulator and its lusty occupants. And
certainly, as she trundled the vehicle along the railings of the Row, she
looked just about the nicest and proudest and happiest young mother in
the metropolis. It is true that on one occasion when the proud father was
accompanying the procession à cheval, one of England’s future
duchesses gave the young mother and her perambulator a decidedly
disdainful look as she passed them; and also that one of England’s future
dukes looked very hard at them, and, moreover, turned round to stare
after them, which was hardly what you would expect, and we hope you
will pardon his grossly unducal behavior. Still, the provocation was
great. Here was one of the mothers of the nation to which we are all
proud to belong, whether we are Rags or whether we are Waggers, a
simple, sensible, square-browed young matron, a picture of well-being,
who, having given two noble kids to the world, was determined to look
after ’em.
The young woman with the perambulator made a fascinating picture
on these fine June mornings, along by the railings of the Row; and had it
been painted by Rembrandt or Velasquez or some other old and
respectable painter, a good deal of money might have been offered for it
by cosmopolitan millionaires.
Indeed, the Young Woman with the Perambulator became rather a
source of remark for some of the habitués of the thoroughfare. Elderly
gentlemen with well-brushed side-whiskers, grandfathers all, remarked
upon her to other elderly gentlemen. Sensible girl, they said, doing good
to herself and to the nation at large, and setting an example to others. It
was far better than leaving ’em to nursemaids and suchlike careless
hussies. You know that they are all right when you have charge of them
yourself.
It chanced one morning as the procession followed its accustomed
course, with Philip near at hand, mounted on a quadruped that had turned
out better as a hack than as a ’chaser, a distinguished personage came
upon the scene in faultless morning attire. He was none other than
Arminius Wingrove.
A man of such wisdom could not do less than stay to admire the
Twins. For the life of him, though, he couldn’t say which side of the
family they favored most. Walter Augustus, named after the misguided
Grandpapa who had declined to attend the christening, had certainly the
eyes of his mother; Philip Archibald had certainly the eyes of his mother
also. The nose of Philip Archibald was, undoubtedly, that of his father;
the nose of Walter Augustus was undoubtedly that of his father also;
while as for the mouth, the mouth of both Walter Augustus and Philip
Archibald was undoubtedly that of both parents. Still, it must not be
thought that Walter Augustus and Philip Archibald had always to endure
those imposing names. One was called Bow and the other was called
Wow in domestic circles.
So unfeigned was the admiration of Arminius Wingrove that nothing
would content him but that he should turn and accompany the procession
as far as the Achilles statue. But before they were able to gain that
desirable bourn, which itself commemorates a great moment in the life of
the nation, yet one more historic incident was destined to occur. Alas,
that its only commemoration is like to be these unworthy pages!
However, if the Board of Supererogation, evidences of whose
romantic disposition are to be found all over our fair metropolis, really
feels disposed to mark the precise spot where this historic episode came
to pass, it may be said that it was exactly opposite the little kiosk for the
sale of newspapers and other undesirable forms of literature which has
been permitted to invade the chaste precincts of what was once
considered the most exclusive spot in all London.
An elderly gentleman in a glossy silk hat, with well-brushed
eyebrows and of a mien of generally composed importance, was
debouching slowly yet all unknown into this historic episode. He was not
looking very happy for all that he wore his habitual air of distinction. He
was a Proconsul, and full many of the passers-by saluted him
respectfully. But he did not seem in anywise the better for these
manifestations of public regard.
If the truth must be told of this elderly gentleman, sorrow and envy
were the occupants of his heart this lovely June morning, when even the
metropolitan prospect was all that was fair and gracious. He was the
most miserable grandfather in London, instead of being the proudest and
happiest, as he certainly ought to have been.
In his stately progress he passed other grandfathers. They were
walking with their sons and daughters, and with the sons and daughters
of their sons and daughters, and looking immeasurably the better for the
privilege. Surely, it was good to be a grandfather on this fine June
morning. It seemed a perfectly honorable and rational and proper state of
being.
Every yard he walked, the conviction grew firmer in him that this
was the case. It was surely the duty of elderly gentlemen with well-
brushed eyebrows to rejoice in that degree. There was a man he knew
well, a member of Parliament, looking so pink and prosperous, with a
small girl holding one hand and a small boy holding the other. Envy and
sorrow were not in that heart, it was certain.
Could it be that his recent policy had been vain and weak and
shortsighted? The great Proconsul had never asked himself such
questions before, but it was becoming increasingly clear to him that he
would have to be asking them presently. A grandfather had surely no
right to make himself as ridiculous as he had done.
Then it was that the great Proconsul came right opposite the Achilles
statue, and the episode to which we have already referred got itself made
into history. A certain Mr. Wingrove, a famous dramatist who had been
elected recently under the rule honoris causâ to Grandfather’s club, and
with whom Grandfather was upon pleasantly familiar terms, came into
view. Walking by the side of Mr. Wingrove was a charming-looking girl.
She had charge of a most commodious double perambulator, and so
proudly was she trundling it that it was quite clear to the acute perception
of the great Proconsul that this was a case of Twins.
Grandfather, in his present somewhat emotional state, must needs
stop and shake Mr. Wingrove heartily by the hand. And, further, he was
constrained to offer his sincere congratulations. He overflowed with
admiration.
“And what are their names?” he asked.
“One is called Bow, and the other is called Wow,” said the demure
young mother.
It seemed passing strange to Mr. Wingrove that the great Proconsul
should not know the names of his own grandchildren, and, moreover,
that he should not recognize them and their mother. Then a light dawned
suddenly upon him. Further, it seemed to this sagacious mind that in the
absence of the lawful father, who had turned his horse and who was
going now down the Row at a canter, that a legitimate opportunity had
presented itself for the exercise of the comic spirit.
“I should really like my wife to see them,” said the great Proconsul.
“Such splendid fellows; the picture of health.”
“Oh, yes, by all means,” said Mr. Wingrove, with a rather sly smile at
the proud young mother.
No time like the present. If Mrs. W. didn’t mind bringing along these
infant phenomena as far as Grosvenor Square, which is hardly ten
minutes’ walk from the Achilles statue as the crow flies, he was sure that
Lady S. would be enchanted.
The gracious young matron would be delighted to take them round to
Grosvenor Square for the inspection of the wife of this most agreeable
elderly gentleman, whose name, by the way, she had not the pleasure of
knowing. All the same, the mention of Grosvenor Square and the
demeanor of Mr. Wingrove combined to give the young madam a pretty
shrewd suspicion.
As for Arminius Wingrove, he was amazed at the resource and the
boldness of Providence, which, of course, he was quite entitled to be.
And in that, to be sure, he was by no means singular. Many first-rate
minds have been similarly occupied for some little time past.
Grandfather, all unconscious of the wicked trick that Fate had put
upon him, prattled along by the side of the four-wheeled chariot; and he
was presently moved to indulge in the proud confidence that they had
recently had Twins in the Family.
“Oh, really,” said Mr. Wingrove.
“Oh, how interesting,” said the proud young mother, not to be
outdone in gravity.
“I must really go and see ’em,” said Grandfather.
“Oh, haven’t you seen them yet?” said the fair charioteer.
Not yet. It seemed that a Proconsul had so many calls upon his
attention.
“Well, if I was their mother, I don’t think I should be very pleased
with you. Haven’t you been rather remiss, Mr.—? I haven’t the pleasure
of knowing your name.”
“Lord Shelmerdine,” said Mr. Wingrove, hastening to atone for his
sin of omission.
By this, they were waiting to cross Park Lane.
“Shall I tell him yours?” whispered the famous playwright to Mrs.
Philip.
“No, of course you mustn’t,” said that designing young Madam.
“Unless you want to spoil everything.”
THE END
T ’ N :
—Madge, on page 29, has been changed to
Marge.
—Member of nature’s nobility, on page 43, has
been changed to members.
—Jaegar, on page 117, has been changed to
Jaeger to match other occurrences in the book.
—Pro-consular, on page 138, has been
changed to proconsular.
—Hapily on page 140 has been changed to
Happily.
—Base, on page 159, has been changed to
bass.
—As, on page 174, has been changed to was.
—Precints, on page 196, has been changed to
precincts.
—And, on page 206, has been changed to an.
—Lork, on page 228, has been changed to
Lord.
—Ex-Ambasador, page 230, has been
changed to Ex-Ambassador.
—Siddons on page 232 has been changed to
Siddons’.
—Casper, on page 253 has been corrected to
Caspar.
—All other spelling and hyphenation has been
retained as typeset.
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