SHREK town Here we have some rules Let us lay them down Don't make waves, stay in line

And
we'll get along fine DuLoc is perfect place Please keep off of the grass Shine your shoes, wipe
your... face DuLoc is, DuLoc is DuLoc is perfect place. Suddenly a camera takes Donkey and
Shrek's picture. DONKEY Wow! Let's do that again! (makes ready to run over and pull the lever
again) SHREK (grabs Donkey's tail and holds him still) No. No. No, no, no! No. They hear a
trumpet fanfare and head over to the arena. FARQUAAD Brave knights. You are the best and
brightest in all the land. Today one of you shall prove himself... As Shrek and Donkey walk down
the tunnel to get into the arena Donkey is humming the DuLoc theme song. SHREK All
rightDONKEY Uh-huh. That's the place. SHREK Do you think maybe he's compensating for
something? (He laughs, but then groans as Donkey doesn't get the joke. He continues walking
through the parking lot.) DONKEY Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek. MAN Hurry, darling. We're late.
Hurry. SHREK Hey, you! (The attendant, who is wearing a giant head that looks like Lord
Farquaad, screams and begins running through the rows of rope to get to the front gate to get
away from Shrek.) Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat you. I just - - I just - - (He sighs and
then begins walking straight through the rows. The attendant runs into a wall and falls down.
Shrek and Donkey look at him then continue on into DuLoc.) DULOC They look around but all is
quiet. SHREK It's quiet. Too quiet. Where is everybody? DONKEY Hey, look at this! Donkey runs
over and pulls a lever that is attached to a box marked 'Information'. 17. The music winds up
and then the box doors open up. There are little wooden people inside and they begin to sing.
WOODEN PEOPLE Welcome to DuLoc such a perfect town Here we have some rules Let us lay
them down Don't make waves, stay in line And we'll get along fine DuLoc is perfect place
Please keep off of the grass Shine your shoes, wipe your... face DuLoc is, DuLoc is DuLoc is
perfect place. Suddenly a camera takes Donkey and Shrek's picture. DONKEY Wow! Let's do
that again! (makes ready to run over and pull the lever again) SHREK (grabs Donkey's tail and
holds him still) No. No. No, no, no! No. They hear a trumpet fanfare and head over to the
arena. FARQUAAD Brave knights. You are the best and brightest in all the land. Today one of
you shall prove himself... As Shrek and Donkey walk down the tunnel to get into the arena
Donkey is humming the DuLoc theme song. SHREK All right. You're going the right way for a
smacked bottom. DONKEY Sorry about that. 18. FARQUAAD That champion shall have the
honor - - no, no - - the privilege to go forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona from the fiery
keep of the dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first runner-up will take his
place and so on and so forth. Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make.
(cheers) Let the tournament begin! DONKEY Uh-huh. That's the place. SHREK Do you think
maybe he's compensating for something? (He laughs, but then groans as Donkey doesn't get
the joke. He continues walking through the parking lot.) DONKEY Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek.
MAN Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry. SHREK Hey, you! (The attendant, who is wearing a giant
head that looks like Lord Farquaad, screams and begins running through the rows of rope to
get to the front gate to get away from Shrek.) Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat you. I just
- - I just - - (He sighs and then begins walking straight through the rows. The attendant runs into
a wall and falls down. Shrek and Donkey look at him then continue on into DuLoc.) DULOC They
look around but all is quiet. SHREK It's quiet. Too quiet. Where is everybody? DONKEY Hey, look
at this! Donkey runs over and pulls a lever that is attached to a box marked 'Information'. 17.
The music winds up and then the box doors open up. There are little wooden people inside and
they begin to sing. WOODEN PEOPLE Welcome to DuLoc such a perfect town Here we have
some rules Let us lay them down Don't make waves, stay in line And we'll get along fine DuLoc
is perfect place Please keep off of the grass Shine your shoes, wipe your... face DuLoc is, DuLoc
nice. It's just a donkey. FARQUAAD Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who kills the ogre will
be named champion! Have it him! MEN Get him! SHREK Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now.
(bumps into a table where there are mugs of beer) CROWD Go ahead! Get him! SHREK (holds
up a mug of beer) Can't we just settle this over a pint? CROWD Kill the beast! SHREK No? All
right then. (drinks the beer) Come on! He takes the mug and smashes the spigot off the large
barrel of beer behind him. The beer comes rushing out drenching the other men and wetting
the ground. It's like mud now. Shrek slides past the men and picks up a spear that one of the
men dropped.What is that? It's hideous! SHREK (turns to look at Donkey and then back at
Farquaad) Ah, that's not very nice. It's just a donkey. FARQUAAD Indeed. Knights, new plan!
The one who kills the ogre will be named champion! Have it him! MEN Get him! SHREK Oh,
hey! Now come on! Hang on now. (bumps into a table where there are mugs of beer) CROWD
Go ahead! Get him! SHREK (holds up a mug of beer) Can't we just settle this over a pint?
CROWD Kill the beast! SHREK No? All right then. (drinks the beer) Come on! He takes the mug
and smashes the spigot off the large barrel of beer behind him. The beer comes rushing out
drenching the other men and wetting the ground. It's like mud now. Shrek slides past the men
and picks up a spear that one of the men dropped. Princess Fiona from the fiery keep of the
dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first runner-up will take his place and
so on and so forth. Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make. (cheers) Let
the tournament begin! (He notices Shrek) Oh! What is that? It's hideous! SHREK (turns to look
at Donkey and then back at Farquaad) Ah, that's not very nice. It's just a donkey. FARQUAAD
Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who kills the ogre will be named champion! Have it him!
MEN Get him! SHREK Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now. (bumps into a table where there
are mugs of beer) CROWD Go ahead! Get him! SHREK (holds up a mug of beer) Can't we just
settle this over a pint? CROWD Kill the beast! SHREK No? All right then. (drinks the beer) Come
on! He takes the mug and smashes the spigot off the large barrel of beer behind him. The beer
comes rushing out drenching the other men and wetting the ground. It's like mud now. Shrek
slides past the men and picks up a spear that one of the men dropped.lves are directing flight
traffic so that the fairies and witches can land...etc. SHREK (CONT’D) What are you doing in my
swamp? (this echoes and everyone falls silent.) Gasps are heard all around. The 3 good fairies
hide inside a tent. SHREK (CONT’D) All right, get out of here. All of you, move it! Come on! Let's
go! Hapaya! Hapaya! Hey! Quickly. Come on! (more dwarves run inside the house) No, no! No,
no. Not there. Not there. (they shut the door on him) Oh! (turns to look at Donkey) DONKEY
Hey, don't look at me. I didn't invite them. PINOCCHIO Oh, gosh, no one invited us. SHREK
What? PINOCCHIO We were forced to come here. SHREK (flabbergasted) By who?on a time
there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could
only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-
breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but
non prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower for her
true love and true love's first kiss. (laughs) Like that's ever gonna happen. What a load of -
(toilet flush) Allstar - by Smashmouth begins to play. Shrek HEAD GUARD Next! GUARD (taking
the witch's broom) Give me that! Your flying days are over. (breaks the broom in half) HEAD
GUARD That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next! GUARD Get up! Come on! HEAD GUARD
Twenty pieces. 2. LITTLE BEAR (crying) This cage is too small. DONKEY Please, don't turn me in.
I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please! Give me another chance! OLD WOMAN Oh,
shut up. (jerks his rope) DONKEY Oh! HEAD GUARD Next! What have you got? GIPETTO This
little wooden puppet. PINOCCHIO I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy. (his nose grows) HEAD
GUARD Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away. PINOCCHIO Father, please! Don't let
them do this! Help me! Gipetto takes the money and walks off. The old woman steps up to the
table. HEAD GUARD Next! What have you got? OLD WOMAN Well, I've got a talking donkey.
HEAD GUARD Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it. OLD WOMAN Oh, go
ahead, little fella. Donkey just looks up at her. HEAD GUARD Well? 3. OLD WOMAN Oh, oh, he's
just...he's just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt... HEAD
GUARD That's it. I've heard enough. Guards! OLD WOMAN No, no, he talks! He does. (pretends
to be Donkey) I can talk. I love to talk. I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw. HEAD
GUARD Get her out of my sight. OLD WOMAN No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk! The guards
grab the old woman and she struggles with them. One of her legs flies out and kicks Tinkerbell
out of Peter Pan's hands, and her cage drops on Donkey's head. He gets sprinkled with fairy
dust and he's able to fly. DONKEY Hey! I can fly! PETER PAN He can fly! LITTLE PIGS He can fly!
HEAD GUARD He can talk! DONKEY Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey.
You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey
fly. Ha, ha! (the pixie dust begins to wear off) Uh- oh. (he begins to sink to the ground.) He hits
the ground with a thud. HEAD GUARD Seize him! (Donkey takes of running.) After him! 4.
GUARDS He's getting away! Get him! This way! Turn! Donkey keeps running and he eventually
runs into Shrek. Literally. Shrek turns around to see who bumped into him. Donkey looks scared
for a moment then he spots the guards coming up the path. He quickly hides behind Shrek.
HEAD GUARD You there. Ogre! SHREK Aye? HEAD GUARD By the order of Lord Farquaad I am
authorized to place you both under arrest and transport you to a designated resettlement
facility. SHREK Oh, really? You and what army? He looks behind the guard and the guard turns
to look as well and we see that the other men have run off. The guard tucks tail and runs off.
Shrek laughs and goes back about his business and begins walking back to his cottage. DONKEY
Can I say something to you? Listen, you was really, really, really somethin' back here.
Incredible! NIGHT - NEAR SHREK'S HOME MAN1 Think it's in there? MAN2 All right. Let's get it!
MAN1 Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you? MAN3 Yeah, it'll grind your
bones for it's bread. Shrek sneaks up behind them and laughs. SHREK Yes, well, actually, that
would be a giant. Now, ogres, oh they're much worse. They'll m unsuccessful, the first runner-
up will take his place and so on and so forth. Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice I am
willing to make. (cheers) Let the tournament begin! (He notices Shrek) Oh! What is that? It's
hideous! SHREK (turns to look at Donkey and then back at Farquaad) Ah, that's not very nice.
It's just a donkey. FARQUAAD Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who kills the ogre will be
named champion! Have it him! MEN Get him! SHREK Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now.
(bumps into a table where there are mugs of beer) CROWD Go ahead! Get him! SHREK (holds
up a mug of beer) Can't we just settle this over a pint? CROWD Kill the beast! SHREK No? All
right then. (drinks the beer) Come on! He takes the mug and smashes the spigot off the large
barrel of beer behind him. The beer comes rushing out drenching the other men and wetting
the ground. It's like mud now. Shrek slides past the men and picks up a spear that one of the
men dropped. it! Come on! Let's go! Hapaya! Hapaya! Hey! Quickly. Come on! (more dwarves
run inside the house) No, no! No, no. Not there. Not there. (they shut the door on him) Oh!
(turns to look at Donkey) DONKEY Hey, don't look at me. I didn't invite them. PINOCCHIO Oh,
gosh, no one invited us. SHREK What? PINOCCHIO We were forced to come here. SHREK
(flabbergasted) By who?your freshly peeled skin. MEN No! SHREK They'll shave your liver.
Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast. MAN1 Back! Back, beast!
Back! I warn ya! (waves the torch at Shrek.) Shrek calmly licks his fingers and extinguishes the
torch. The men shrink back away from him. Shrek roars very loudly and long and his breath
extinguishes all the remaining torches until the men are in the dark. SHREK This is the part
where you run away. (The men scramble to get away. He laughs.) And stay out! (looks down
and picks up a piece of paper. Reads.) "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures."(He sighs and throws the
paper over his shoulder.) THE NEXT DAY There is a line of fairy tale creatures. The head of the
guard sits at a table paying people for bringing the fairy tale creatures to him. There are cages
all around. Some of the people in line are Peter Pan, who is carrying Tinkerbell in a cage,
Gipetto who's carrying Pinocchio, and a farmer who is carrying the three little pigs. GUARD All
right. This one's fSHREK Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an
enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was
locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had
attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but non prevailed. She waited in the dragon's
keep in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true love's first kiss. (laughs)
Like that's ever gonna happen. What a load of - (toilet flush) Allstar - by Smashmouth begins to
play. Shrek goes about his day. While in a nearby town, the villagers get together to go after the
ogre. NIGHT - NEAR SHREK'S HOME MAN1 Think it's in there? MAN2 All right. Let's get it!
MAN1 Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you? MAN3 Yeah, it'll grind your
bones for it's bread. Shrek sneaks up behind them and laughs. SHREK Yes, well, actually, that
would be a giant. Now, ogres, oh they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly
peeled skin. MEN No! SHREK They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually,
it's quite good on toast. MAN1 Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya! (waves the torch at Shrek.)
Shrek calmly licks his fingers and extinguishes the torch. The men shrink back away from him.
Shrek roars very loudly and long and his breath extinguishes all the remaining torches until the
men are in the dark. SHREK This is the part where you run away. (The men scramble to get
away. He laughs.) And stay out! (looks down and picks up a piece of paper. Reads.) "Wanted.
Fairy tale creatures."(He sighs and throws the paper over his shoulder.) THE NEXT DAY There is
a line of fairy tale creatures. The head of the guard sits at a table paying people for bringing the
fairy tale creatures to him. There are cages all around. Some of the people in line are Peter Pan,
who is carrying Tinkerbell in a cage, Gipetto who's carSHREK Got ya. (Grabs a mouse, but it
escapes and lands on his shoulder.) GORDO I found some cheese. (bites Shrek's ear) SHREK
Ow! GORDO Blah! Awful stuff. BLIND MOUSE1 Is that you, Gordo? GORDO How did you know?
SHREK Enough! (he grabs the 3 mice) What are you doing in my house? (He gets bumped from
behind and he drops the mice.) Hey! (he turns and sees the Seven Dwarves with Snow White
on the table.) Oh, no, no, no. Dead broad off the table. DWARF Where are we supposed to put
her? The bed's taken. SHREK Huh? Shrek marches over to the bedroom and throws back the
curtain. The Big Bad Wolf is sitting in the bed. The wolf just looks at him. BIG BAD WOLF What?
TIME LAPSE Shrek now has the Big Bad Wolf by the collar and is dragging him to the front door.
SHREK I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying ogre! What do I have to do get a little
privacy? (MORE) 10. (He opens the front door to throw the Wolf out and he sees that all the
collected Fairy Tale Creatures are on his land.) Oh, no. No! No! The 3 bears sit around the fire,
the pied piper is playing his pipe and the rats are all running to him, some elves are directing
flight traffic so that the fairies and witches can land...etc. SHREK (CONT’D) What are you doing
in my swamp? (this echoes and everyone falls silent.) Gasps are heard all around. The 3 good
fairies hide inside a tent. SHREK (CONT’D) All right, get out of here. All of you, move it! Come
on! Let's go! Hapaya! Hapaya! Hey! Quickly. Come on! (more dwarves run inside the house) No,
no! No, no. Not there. Not there. (they shut the door on him) Oh! (turns to look at Donkey)
DONKEY Hey, don't look at me. I didn't invite them. PINOCCHIO Oh, gosh, no one invited us.
SHREK What? PINOCCHIO We were forced to come here. SHREK (flabbergasted) By who?rying
Pinocchio, and a farmer who is carrying the three little pigs. GUARD All right. This one's fSHREK
Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a
fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle
guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her
from this dreadful prison, but non prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest
room of the tallest tower for her true love and true love's first kiss. (laughs) Like that's ever
gonna happen. What a load of - (toilet flush) Allstar - by Smashmouth begins to play. Shrek
goes about his day. While in a nearby town, the villagers get together to go after the ogre.
NIGHT - NEAR SHREK'S HOME MAN1 Think it's in there? MAN2 All right. Let's get it! MAN1
Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you? MAN3 Yeah, it'll grind your bones
for it's bread. Shrek sneaks up behind them and laughs. SHREK Yes, well, actually, that would be
a giant. Now, ogres, oh they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin.
MEN No! SHREK They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite
good on toast. MAN1 Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya! (waves the torch at Shrek.) Shrek
calmly licks his fingers and extinguishes the torch. The men shrink back away from him. Shrek
roars HEAD GUARD Next! GUARD (taking the witch's broom) Give me that! Your flying days are
over. (breaks the broom in half) HEAD GUARD That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next!
GUARD Get up! Come on! HEAD GUARD Twenty pieces. 2. LITTLE BEAR (crying) This cage is too
small. DONKEY Please, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please! Give
me another chance! OLD WOMAN Oh, shut up. (jerks his rope) DONKEY Oh! HEAD GUARD
Next! What have you got? GIPETTO This little wooden puppet. PINOCCHIO I'm not a puppet.
I'm a real boy. (his nose grows) HEAD GUARD Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away.
PINOCCHIO Father, please! Don't let them do this! Help me! Gipetto takes the money and
walks off. The old woman steps up to the table. HEAD GUARD Next! What have you got? OLD
WOMAN Well, I've got a talking donkey. HEAD GUARD Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings,
if you can prove it. OLD WOMAN Oh, go ahead, little fella. Donkey just looks up at her. HEAD
GUARD Well? 3. OLD WOMAN Oh, oh, he's just...he's just a little nervous. He's really quite a
chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt... HEAD GUARD That's it. I've heard enough. Guards!
OLD WOMAN No, no, he talks! He does. (pretends to be Donkey) I can talk. I love to talk. I'm
the talkingest damn thing you ever saw. HEAD GUARD Get her out of my sight. OLD WOMAN
No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk! The guards grab the old woman and she struggles with them.
One of her legs flies out and kicks Tinkerbell out of Peter Pan's hands, and her cage drops on
Donkey's head. He gets sprinkled with fairy dust and he's able to fly. DONKEY Hey! I can fly!
PETER PAN He can fly! LITTLE PIGS He can fly! HEAD GUARD He can talk! DONKEY Ha, ha! That's
right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey. You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a
superfly but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha! (the pixie dust begins to wear off)
Uh- oh. (he begins to sink to the ground.) He hits the ground with a thud. HEAD GUARD Seize
him! (Donkey takes of running.) After him! 4. GUARDS He's getting away! Get him! This way!
Turn! Donkey keeps running and he eventually runs into Shrek. Literally. Shrek turns around to
see who bumped into him. Donkey looks scared for a moment then he spots the guards coming
up the path. He quickly hides behind Shrek. HEAD GUARD You there. Ogre! SHREK Aye? HEAD
GUARD By the order of Lord Farquaad I am authorized to place you both under arrest and
transport you to a designated resettlement facility. SHREK Oh, really? You and what army? He
looks behind the guard and the guard turns to look as well and we see that the other men have
run off. The guard tucks tail and runs off. Shrek laughs and goes back about his business and
begins walking back to his cottage. DONKEY Can I say something to you? Listen, you was really,
really, really somethin' back here. Incredible! very loudly and long and his breath extinguishes
all the remaining torches until the men are in the dark. SHREK This is the part where you run
away. (The men scramble to get away. He laughs.) And stay out! (looks down and picks up a
piece of paper. Reads.) "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures."(He sighs and throws the paper over his
shoulder.) THE NEXT DAY There is a line of fairy tale creatures. The head of the guard sits at a
table paying people for bringing the fairy tale creatures to him. There are cages all around.
Some of the people in line are Peter Pan, who is carrying Tinkerbell in a SHREK Once upon a
time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which
could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible
fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison,
but non prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower for
her true love and true love's first kiss. (laughs) Like that's ever gonna happen. What a load of -
(toilet flush) Allstar - by Smashmouth begins to play. Shrek goes about his day. While in a
nearby town, the villagers get together to go after the ogre. NIGHT - NEAR SHREK'S HOME
MAN1 Think it's in there? MAN2 All right. Let's get it! MAN1 Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what
that thing can do to you? MAN3 Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's bread. Shrek sneaks up
behind them and laughs. SHREK Yes, well, actually, that would be a giant. Now, ogres, oh
they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin. MEN No! SHREK They'll
shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast. MAN1
Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya! (waves the torch at Shrek.) Shrek calmly licks his fingers and
extinguishes the torch. The men shrink back away from him. Shrek roars very loudly and long
and his breath extinguishes all the remaining torches until the men are in the dark. SHREK This
is the part where you run away. (The men scramble to get away. He laughs.) And stay out!
(looks down and picks up a piece of paper. Reads.) "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures."(He sighs and
throws the paper over his shoulder.) THE NEXT DAY There is a line of fairy tale creatures. The
head of the guard sits at a table paying people for bringing the fairy tale creatures to him.
There are cages all around. Some of the people in line are Peter Pan, who is carrying Tinkerbell
in a cage, Gipetto who's carrying Pinocchio, and a farmer who is carrying the three little pigs.
GUARD All right. This one's fcage, Gipetto who's carrying Pinocchio, and a farmer who is
carrying the three little pigs. GUARD All right. This one's fSHREK Once upon a time there was a
lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be
broken by love's first kiss. She was locked awaSHREK Once upon a time there was a lovely
princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by
love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon.
Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but non prevailed. She
waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true
love's first kiss. (laughs) Like that's ever gonna happen. What a load of - (toilet flush) Allstar - by
Smashmouth begins to play. Shrek goes about his day. While in a nearby town, the villagers get
together to go after the ogre. NIGHT - NEAR SHREK'S HOME MAN1 Think it's in there? MAN2
All right. Let's get it! MAN1 Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you? MAN3
Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's bread. Shrek sneaks up behind them and laughs. SHREK Yes,
well, actually, that would be a giant. Now, ogres, oh they're much worse. They'll make a suit
from your freshly peeled skin. MEN No! SHREK They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from
your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast. MAN1 Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya! (waves
the torch at Shrek.) Shrek calmly licks his fingers and extinguishes the torch. The men shrink
back away from him. Shrek roars very loudly and long and his breath extinguishes all the
remaining torches until the men are in the dark. SHREK This is the part where you run away.
(The men scramble to get away. He laughs.) And stay out! (looks down and picks up a piece of
paper. Reads.) "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures."(He sighs and throws the paper over his
shoulder.) THE NEXT DAY There is a line of fairy tale creatures. The head of the guard sits at a
table paying people for bringing the fairy tale creatures to him. There are cages all around.
Some of the people in line are Peter Pan, who is carrying Tinkerbell in a cage, Gipetto who's
carrying Pinocchio, and a farmer who is carrying the three little pigs. GUARD All right. This
one's fy in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had
attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but non prevailed. She waited in the dragon's
keep in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true love's first kiss. (laughs)
Like that's ever gonna happen. What a load of - (toilet flush) Allstar - by Smashmouth begins to
play. Shrek goes about his day. While in a nearby town, the villagers get together to go after the
ogre. NIGHT - NEAR SHREK'S HOME MAN1 Think it's in there? MAN2 All right. Let's get it!
MAN1 Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you? MAN3 Yeah, it'll grind your
bones for it's bread. Shrek sneaks up behind them and laughs. SHREK Yes, well, actually, that
would be a giant. Now, ogres, oh they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly
peeled skin. MEN No! SHREK They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually,
it's quite good on toast. MAN1 Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya! (waves the torch at Shrek.)
Shrek calmly licks his fingers and extinguishes the torch. The men shrink back away from him.
Shrek roars very loudly and long and his breath extinguishes all the remaining torches until the
men are in the dark. SHREK This is the part where you run away. (The men scramble to get
away. He laughs.) And stay out! (looks down and picks up a piece of paper. Reads.) "Wanted.
Fairy tale creatures."(He sighs and throws the paper over his shoulder.) THE NEXT DAY There is
a line of fairy tale creatures. The head of the guard sits at a table paying people for bringing the
fairy tale creatures to him. There are cages all around. Some of the people in line are Peter Pan,
who is carrying Tinkerbell in a cage, Gipetto who's carrying Pinocchio, and a farmer who is
carrying the three little pigs. GUARD All right. This one's f