Writeplacer Esl: Guide With Sample Essays

WritePlacer ESL ®
Guide with Sample Essays
2018 collegeboard.org
Introduction to WritePlacer ESL
WritePlacer ESL provides a direct measure of the writing skills of students who identify
as English language learners.
Students taking WritePlacer ESL are presented with a prompt and asked to write an essay
of 300 to 600 words. WritePlacer ESL prompts are carefully designed to be culturally
accessible to English language learners. They are short, free of technical or specific literary
references, and don’t require specialized knowledge. Students are asked to respond to the
prompt by drawing on a broad range of experiences, learning, and ideas.
Essays are electronically scored, and scores range from 1 to 6. An essay that is too short
to be evaluated, written on a topic other than the one presented, or written in a language
other than English will be given a score of zero.
Information for Students

WritePlacer ESL gives you an opportunity to show how effectively you can develop and
express your ideas in writing. On the next screen, a brief statement will be presented,
followed by an assignment that relates to the statement. You should respond to the
assignment by writing an essay in which you develop your point of view. You should
support your position with appropriate reasoning and examples. The position you take
will not influence your score.
Your essay will be given a holistic score that represents how clearly and effectively you
expressed your position. The following four characteristics of writing will be considered.
Word Use—The extent to which you are able to use a wide range of words and
phrases accurately.
Sentence Use—The extent to which you are able to use a variety of sentence
patterns with both independent and dependent clauses.
Grammar—The extent to which you are able to express ideas using grammatically
correct English.
Organization and Development—The extent to which you are able to focus on the
assigned topic and to develop ideas clearly.
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registered trademarks of the College Board. All other marks are the property of their respective
owners. Visit the College Board on the web: collegeboard.org.
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ACCUPLACER WritePlacer ESL Guide with Sample Essays © 2018 The College Board. 1
Sample Prompt
Passage
A woman recently received an inheritance of $25 million from an unknown, distant

relative. She cannot decide what to do: spend it, save it, or give most of it away.
Assignment
If you suddenly received a large sum of money, what would you do with it?
Sample Essays
There are descriptions on the following pages of each of the six WritePlacer ESL
score points followed by two sample essays that were assigned the indicated score.
Annotations are provided for each essay explaining why the essay was given the score
it received. Studying these sample essays and the accompanying annotations will
point out the elements considered during the scoring process.
Score of 1
Description of Score of 1
An essay in this category demonstrates little competency in the elements of on-demand
essay writing in English.
The writing sample exhibits a simplistic expression of ideas and little to no

development or organization.
The writing sample exhibits a very limited range and variety of simple words
and word phrases. Frequent errors in word selection, word forms, and spelling
obscure meaning.
The writing sample is typically characterized by short, choppy, simple sentences.
The writing sample exhibits little or no control of grammatical forms.
Sentence punctuation is omitted or used incorrectly.
Below are sample essays that received a score of 1. The annotations explain why the
essay received the indicated score.
Sample Essay #1 – Score of 1
If I suddenly received a large sum of money. One first thing I’m give some money help
for children hospital, I am helping get well and happy. Because I think they are happy
me happy too, then after that I am come my country. Because my country have a lot
of poor people need helping.
They are need food and healthy. And the last think I would like to travel arround the
world helping poor people them neee. That all my decide.
Annotations
This writing sample contains a basic attempt to organize details (One first thing . . . .
then after that . . . . And the last think), but development is list-like and demonstrates
a simplistic expression of ideas. Frequent errors in word selection and word forms
obscure meaning (I’m give some money help . . . . they are happy me happy too . . .
I am come my country), and the writing sample exhibits little control of grammatical
forms (Because my country have a lot of poor people need helping. They are need
food and healthy). Exhibiting little competency in the elements of on‐demand essay
writing in English, this writing sample receives a score of 1.
If i suddenly recevied a large sum of money, I gave most of it away. I gave most of
money for the people that they need this money. Someone that don’t have job, or
he or she can’t do job, because he or she is sick. They can use the money for their
life. Their children can go to school, in cold weather can wear warm clothes, they
can eat good foods.
If i suddenly received a large sum of money, I can spend one part of my money to
my friends that they need money to do everything that they want. they can give me
my money later, or when they don’t need my money.
Annotations
Demonstrating little competency in the elements of on‐demand essay writing

in English, this writing sample exhibits a simplistic expression of ideas and little
development or organization. A very limited range of vocabulary results in vague
ideas that provide minimal understanding (They can use the money for their
life . . . . they can eat good foods. . . . they need money to do everything that they
want). There is little control of grammatical forms. Multiple errors in sentence
punctuation, including a fragment (Someone that don’t have job, or he or she can’t
do job, because he or she is sick) reveal little control of sentence use. This writing
sample earns a score of 1.
Score of 2
An essay in this category demonstrates limited competency in the elements of
on-demand essay writing in English.
The writing sample exhibits rudimentary development of ideas with an

inconsistent ability to express ideas clearly in an organized pattern or with
sufficient supporting details.
The writing sample exhibits inconsistent competency in word use containing
commonly used words and word phrases. Frequent errors in word selection, word
forms, and spelling often obscure meaning.
The writing sample exhibits inconsistent control of sentence use, with some evidence
of control of simple sentences. Commas and periods may be used to mark sentence
boundaries, although there are many errors. Minimal attempts to coordinate
sentences and to use subordinate clauses may be evident. Errors in grammatical
forms are numerous.

If I would receive a large sum of money,that lots of things I want to do. As a student,
I want to get more and more knowledge and look around the world,so I wish I can
study abroad,to know different culture of some countries,that I must need a large
sum of money to support my study plan!
Of course $25 million are a large sum of money, except help me to study plan,I could
do other things. I think many people will use these money to buy cars,houses,...and
so on,but I don’t agree with these are good ideas. If you only use money but don’t
make more and more money,that one day,most of your money will be spent out. I
have a future plan. I would find a company,at the first it must a developing company
and it have a huge developing space. That I will use my money to give it some help. In
the future when I have finished my study plan,I think I could get more money and use
these money,maybe I can build a company by myslef. I’m not only see one $25 million!
In fact,I always consider the money is a tool,it used to help me to get my each
purpose. I’m a person,my life is the “running”. When I make out a dream,soon I
have a next dream. At the last you will find that you get your dream,the money
only is a number! I think I will give all of my money to many poor ares in the
world,use my power to help as more as possible people get their dreams.
Annotations
This writing sample demonstrates rudimentary development of ideas and
inconsistent competency in word use (I’m a person,my life is the “running” . . . .
At the last you will find that you get your dream,the money only is a number!). The
first body paragraph contains an attempt to focus on the writer’s plan to invest the
inheritance in a “developing company”; however, the explanation contains frequent
errors in word selection and word forms that often obscure meaning (Of course
$25 million are a large sum of money, except help me to study plan,I could do other
things). Commas and periods are used to mark sentence boundaries, but there are
many errors (As a student, I want to get more and more knowledge and look around
the world,so I wish I can study abroad,to know different culture of some countries,
Continued from previous page
that I must need a large sum of money to support my study plan!). Exhibiting limited
competency in the elements of on‐demand essay writing in English, this writing
sample receives a score of 2.
If I suddenly recieve a large sum of money, I can’t decide easily, neither. Like,when I
go shopping many thing looks good,so I want to buy all of them. but I have too much
money, I would hesitate and could’nt decide.
ok, I got plans with it.
First of all, I will deposit half of it. I think bank is safe place.
And I will buy ticket for going to Europe. I have to reserve hotel,too. ( I want to go
especially London)
I want to take trip as long as possible.
And I go to shopping mall, I will buy gift for my family, freinds and many things for trip.
If I have enough money to buy house and car, I will buy that. And I will held a big party
in my new house, or reserve convention room. I can’t forget famouce band.
Before going to europe, I will give some money to my family.( I think my dad will
buy many thing for fishing and climbing, mom will save that money, my sister will
buy clothes, brother will buy computer and games. No wonder.)
At last, I send some money to poor family with no name.
And then, I will go to air port to have a great time in Europe.
How about my plan??
If you have a plan better than mine, tell me.
I will think about yours.
Annotations
This writing sample displays limited competency in the elements of on‐demand

essay writing in English. A haphazard arrangement of details reveals an inconsistent
ability to express ideas clearly in an organized pattern (I want to take trip as long
as possible. And I go to shopping mall). Frequent errors in word selection, word
forms, and spelling (recieve, freinds, famouce) often obscure meaning. Although
some minimal attempts to coordinate sentences are evident, errors in grammatical
forms are numerous (If I suddenly recieve a large sum of money, I can't decide easily,
neither. . . . but I have too much money, I would hesitate and could'nt decide). This
writing sample merits a score of 2.
Score of 3
An essay in this category demonstrates emerging competency in the elements of
The writing sample exhibits an emerging use of paragraphs and topic sentences,
while it may lack overall focus and development.
The writing sample exhibits an emerging use of complex vocabulary. Errors in word
selection, word forms, and spelling sometimes obscure meaning.
The writing sample exhibits an emerging use of complex sentences but with
distracting errors in word order and punctuation.
The writing sample exhibits emerging control of grammatical forms, such as verb
tense, with varied and numerous errors.
If I suddenly receive a large sum of money which is my dream, first, I’ll organise a
big party. I’ll invite all my cosins and freinds and I’ll buy them a lot off things. The
second thing I’ll do is to buy a housse and especially a car for my husband. Than
I’ll pass to the most important project. As me and my husband are doctors in our
country, we can’t exercise here in USA. in fact, I’m able to spend all my money
to release this dream. To do this, we have to learn english very well, because
we must have a hight level in english to hope to pass the test to take residency.
So,we’ll registrate in the most serious schools and offer the most interesting
books. When our english is too good, we’ll start to prepare the medical exam. This
one is very difficult,so during this preparation we could not work,so I’ll reserve
a sum of money especially for shopping, and medical cares until the day of the
exam. Of course medical school are very expensive. Registrations only need a lot
off money, don’t forget books which are expensive too. But I’m ready to spend all
my money until the last cent to become a doctor in USA. If we’ll pass this exam,
beore we’ll start residency we’ll need a rest,so I’ll buy two tickets for me and my
husband to visit our parents. After this, my husband will continue his studies and
we’ll try to have a baby for who I’ll offer beautifull things and I’ll spend with him a
nice time. When he will be three hears old I continue my studies.
Annotations
The writer spends the bulk of the essay outlining a plan to “become a doctor in USA,”
exhibiting an emerging ability to focus and to organize ideas; however, errors in word
selection and word forms weaken development and sometimes obscure meaning
(As me and my husband are doctors in our country, we can’t exercise here in USA.
in fact, I'm able to spend all my money to release this dream. . . . So, we’ll registrate in
the most serious schools and offer the most interesting books). The writing sample
demonstrates an emerging use of complex sentences, but distracting errors in word
order and punctuation occur (After this, my husband will continue his studies and
we’ll try to have a baby for who I’ll offer beautifull things and I’ll spend with him a nice
time). Varied and numerous errors in grammatical forms also occur (This one is very
difficult, so during this preparation we could not work . . . . medical school are very
expensive . . . . If we’ll pass this exam). This writing sample merits a score of 3.
If Someday i recive a large sum of money like the woman of the exmple. One of
the first things i would do is to take a nice trip to Europe and Know all the historical
places. It Would take a really long time but it’s worthy.
After travel over europe My Second Choice would be to get a really nice guitar gear.
Lots of new Music Equipment. And play like a freak for a couple of years.Use money
to have a nice OWN Studio and do some nice recordings.
When i achive the mini‐musical adventure i would do some business for sure. To be
more specific i would be really pleased being inversionsit.One of my first invest would
be in Telecomunications Commpanys and liquor enterprises too. Winnos and Internet
obsesives will exist almost forever(HHAHHAHA). Nice money on those Markets.
If those three points come true it would be a plseasure to become an Philathropist

Help People of the world with bizarre diseases. People suffering of Hunger. I think
when you have nothing to care about in your persola life you start to care about
others people way of living... Am I right????(HAHA). I would like to save some dolphins
too..NAH..No way. I think I wouldn’t be a nice philanthropist. But i would give it a try
100% Sure!.
Then after all those no‐sense ideas i would like to re‐join Musical Studys. To know
some more of my beloved art Music especifically guitar.I woulb be composing all
day long and studying how to handle Harmonies in every way it culd be possible.
Finally i would dedicate all posible time to teach my kids how to do a relationship
with music and real life...thats a big bizarre issue you gotta believe me guys!.
Well those are the basic ideas that comes to my mind. I think most of it are dreams of
childhood but who isn’t still a child on his own mind most of the day? I think everyone
of us have a kid in our brain but we have to know how to control him perhaps i cant
control him much. I think many of us were dreaming at 10yo with being A Super‐
Sports‐Star. This childhood dream keeps me awake many nights thinking in how to
become a Football Super Heroe it never happened but i still remember with some
melancholy. I think i have nothisg to add here now im leaving. See you good luck.
Annotations
This writing sample exhibits an emerging use of paragraphs and topic

sentences (If those three points come true it would be a plseasure to become an
Philathropist . . . . Then after all those no-sense ideas i would like to re‐join Musical
Studys). A weak overall focus and cursory development of subtopics prevent the
reader from gaining a thorough understanding of the subject. Although there is
an emerging use of complex vocabulary, errors in word selection and spelling
sometimes obscure meaning (When i achive the mini‐musical adventure . . . .
To be more specific i would be really pleased being inversionsit). Distracting errors
in punctuation occur (After travel over europe My Second Choice would be to get a
really nice guitar gear. Lots of new Music Equipment. . . . Use money to have a nice
OWN Studio and do some nice recordings), but an emerging control of grammatical
forms is evident. Demonstrating an emerging competency in the elements of
on‐demand essay writing in English, this writing sample earns a score of 3.
Score of 4
An essay in this category demonstrates moderate control of the elements of
The writing sample exhibits moderate control of focus, organization, and

supporting details, with a sense of audience awareness. The writing sample
exhibits evidence of the use of a prewriting strategy.
The writing sample exhibits moderate control of a wide and complex range
of vocabulary but with some distracting errors in word selection, word forms,
and spelling.
The writing sample exhibits moderate control of complex and varied sentence
structure.
The writing sample exhibits moderate control of grammatical forms. Repetitive
errors in word order, punctuation, and other aspects of grammar are distracting but
may not interfere with comprehension.
If i suddenly recieve a large sum of money i would do three things with it. First, i will
give a part of it to the charity. Second, i will buy a house for my family. Third, i will
save a part of it for me so that i can start my own business when i am ready.
First, i will give a part of it to the charity so that they could help the poor people. I
believe that if i help them god will help me. I have seen the life of poor people, they
don’t have good clothes, they don’t have enough food to eat. They live in slums.
When poor people get sick they don’t get the best medication. I will help those poor
people by paying a part of my money. So that they could have enough food to eat
and good clothes to wear. They could have the medication when they get sick.
Second, i will buy a house for my family. We live in an apartment and there is not
enough space for us to keep our things. We cannot even speak loud and cannot
listen to music loud. we cannot cook outside the apartment, we cannot play in front
of the door. We cannot have a dish outside on our air conditioner. In our house we
will be able to almost any thing we want. We can listen to music as loud as we want,
we can speak loud, we can play and cook in the backyard of our house, we can have
a dish on the roof of our house.
Third, i will save a part of it for me so that i can start my own business when i am
ready. I will go to an expensive college and get the best education which i will need
to start my business. I can make a lot more money if i start my own business than
working on a job for another company. I will also be my own boss. I don’t have to
listen to anybody else or there will be nobody to give orders to me. I will become a
lot richer than before if i start my own business. I will be able to give jobs to a lot of
people who need them.
Finally, if i suddenly recieve a large sum of money i will do three things. First i will
give a part of it to the charity. Second, i will buy a house for my family. Third i will
save a part of it for myself, so that i can start my own business when i am ready.
Annotations
This writing sample exhibits moderate control of focus, organization, and supporting
detail. The response displays evidence of the use of a prewriting strategy by laying
out a simple but clear organizational plan in the introduction (First, i will give a part
of it to the charity. Second, i will buy a house for my family. Third, i will save a part
of it for me so that i can start my own business when i am ready). The writer follows
through with this plan in the body of the response, including topic sentences at the
beginning of each paragraph. Some supporting details, however, are only loosely
connected (We cannot even speak loud and cannot listen to music loud. we cannot
cook outside the apartment, we cannot play in front of the door). The writing sample
demonstrates moderate control of a wide and complex range of vocabulary (I will
go to an expensive college and get the best education which i will need to start my
business), but some distracting errors in word selection and word forms occur (I will
help those poor people by paying a part of my money. . . . we will be able to almost
any thing . . . . I don't have to listen to anybody else or there will be nobody to give
orders to me). Control of sentences is uneven; the response demonstrates an ability
to correctly form basic structures but contains few attempts at more challenging
constructions. Syntactic repetition lacks purpose, leading to an occasionally
monotonous quality to the writing (We cannot even speak loud, we cannot cook, we
cannot play). Repetitive errors in punctuation (I have seen the life of poor people,
they don’t have good clothes, they don’t have enough food to eat) are distracting but
do not interfere with comprehension. Displaying moderate control of the elements
of on‐demand essay writing in English, this writing sample receives a score of 4.

Many people would spend all the money to theirself if they get a chance to have it.
But If I get to have a large amount of the money, I will do soemthing different from
other people. If I receive a large amount of the money I would save some but give
half of them to my family or to my parents.
The reason why I want to save it is because, first, I can use them for later. If I have
to use the money for buying a presents or have to pay for my college money I can
use the money and pay it. That way I do not need to ask my parents for the money
and make others think that I do not have any money to myself.
Second, I can save them for emergency reason. Just incase my house gets on fire
or my car gets broke down or somebody steals something from me, I can use the
money to get a new house or fix the car or reward a person who finds the thief.
Third, I can use them for my self. If I want to go to a vacation, I can use the money
for the plane ticket or to pay the train to go to any country that I would like to visit.
In addition, I can spend the money for entertaiment.
I always wanted to go to broadway show. If I get the money I would take my

friends to New York and watch the show.
But I want to give the half of money to my parents or to my family. Becasue If my

grand parents gets sick or they gets into the accident and do not have enough
money to pay the hospital bill, I can certenley help them by giving the money that
I have. Also If one of my family memeber want to open a store or wants to go to a
vacation or to trip with their friends, I can give some money to make them do what
they wants to do.
Most people says that a person would do anything to get a money or if they have
a money. Receiving a large amount of money would make me think lot of stuff or
makes me do lot of things. But If I have a large amount of money, I am not going to
have all of them to myself. I am going to share my joy and luck with people that I care
about. So again, I will give some to my family so they can help theirselves with it and
have some for myself and enjoy what I have.
Annotations
This writing sample establishes a focus on how the writer would “do soemthing
different” with a large inheritance and exhibits evidence of a prewriting strategy,
demonstrating moderate control of organization. Each body paragraph begins with a
topic sentence that introduces a distinct reason why the money should be saved or
given away. Within paragraphs, supporting details clarify the topic by adding depth
and specificity (I can spend the money for entertaiment. I always wanted to go to a
broadway show. If I get the money I would take friends to New York and watch the
show). Although the writing sample displays moderate control of complex and varied
sentence structure (Just incase my house gets on fire or my car gets broke down
or somebody steals something from me, I can use the money to get a new house
or fix the car or reward a person who finds the thief), some distracting errors in word
selection and word forms occur (spend all the money to theirself . . . . pay for my
college money . . . . make them do what they wants to do). While there are repetitive
errors in grammatical forms (Most people says that a person would do anything
to get a money or if they have a money. . . . If I have a large amount of money,
I am not going to have all of them to myself), these errors do not interfere with
comprehension. Exhibiting moderate control of the elements of on‐demand essay
writing in English, this writing sample earns a score of 4.
Score of 5
An essay in this category demonstrates consistent control of the elements of
The writing sample exhibits consistent control of focus, organization, and

supporting details, with a sense of audience awareness. The writing sample
exhibits the use of a prewriting strategy with some analytical development.
The writing sample exhibits consistent control of a wide and complex range of
vocabulary, but there may be a few distracting errors in word selection, word forms,
and spelling.
The writing sample generally exhibits consistent control of sophisticated and varied
sentence structure.
The writing sample exhibits consistent control of grammatical forms. Some errors
in word order, punctuation, and other aspects of grammar may be distracting but
do not interfere with comprehension.

If I suddently received a large sum of money, at first I wouln’t know what to do
with it. Maybe the first thing that would come to my mind would be to spend it all
on those who I care for and me. But than it would probably take me a while before
deciding what to do with it. I wouldn’t know what to spend it on or who to give it to. I
would defenetly go crazy. But after I’m calm, I would sit down and make up my mind
and decide if I would keep the money and buy all of the things that I have always
dreamed of buying, or if I would just give it all away to help all of the poor people
around the world.
But if I was to keep the money, I would buy my mom a huge luxurious house. This
house would have an enormeous kitchen just like my mom would like it. The house
would have to have six bedrooms and five bathrooms, a big living‐room and a big
dinning‐room. It would also nedd to have a big back yard, because there would need
be enough space for a swiming pool. Than after I would buy my mom, my sister, my
daughter and my self a brad new car.
Than I would pay for all of my sister’s, my daughter and my college expenses.
Than we would go shopping, we would have to travel to New York California and
Miami to get all the latest things in fashion.
Than we would go to Mexico, travel all Mexico starding from the north and ending
with the south. Than go to Italy I’ve always dreamed about going to Italy and while I’m
there probably buy a house over there too, I would buy it in Rome or in Venice. Than
come back to Reno live at my mom’s huge house go to college watch my daughter
grow and give all the rest of the money left to my mom. That way she wouldn’t need
to work ever again But let’s be realistic it would be nice having and doing all of those
fun things, but there are people who would need the money more than I do. People
who are dying cause of hunger, kids who don’t have a warm house or even the basic
staf that we have like clothes and shoes. I would create a foundation specially to help
those poor people all around the world. I would buy an airplane so I could personally
take all of the things people donate. I would like to help all the poor people around
the world. I would take the cane food, clothes, money and would teach them how
read and write. Ofcorse I would need the help of other people because I couldn’t do
it buy my self. With all of the money that I would have I would biuld schools, houses
and hospitals for them. My goal would be not to have poor people all around the
world, it would be a great satisfaction to accomplish that.
When you do or buy things for your self it feels good but I’ve learned that when you
do or buy things for ohter people you get a greater satisfaction. That is why I would
rather spend all of the money on those poor people, I would love to help them out. It
would be better to use the money for a good cause such as this one. And I think that
our wourld would be different if we would all help out thoses people just alittle bit.
But this is who I spend the money on, if I suddently received a large sum of money.
Annotations
The writer presents a compelling dilemma in the opening paragraph, wondering

whether it is preferable to “buy all of the things that I have always dreamed of”
or “give it all away to help all of the poor people around the world.” Subsequent
body paragraphs display a consistent control of focus through an exploration
of each option. Initially, the writer imagines what it would be like to keep the
money, supplying specific details that help the reader visualize the trappings
of luxury (an enormeous kitchen, six bedrooms and five bathrooms, . . . enough
space for a swimming pool). In the third body paragraph, however, an effective
transition (But let’s be realistic) shifts the focus to a discussion of how the money
could be better spent helping those who “need the money more than I do.” This
analytical development builds to the writer’s ultimate conclusion that spending
money on those in need provides greater fulfillment. Consistent control of a
wide and complex range of vocabulary is evident (luxurious house, create a
foundation, great satisfaction), though a few distracting errors in word forms and
spelling occur (the cane food, buy my self). The writing sample generally exhibits
consistent control of sophisticated and varied sentence structure (When you
do or buy things for your self it feels good but I’ve learned that when you do or
buy things for ohter people you get a greater satisfaction). While there are some
distracting errors in punctuation and other aspects of grammar, these errors do
not interfere with comprehension. Exhibiting consistent control of the elements
of on‐demand essay writing in English, this writing sample merits a score of 5.

If I recieved a large sum of money, for instance $25 million! I would send a portion
of it to the countries that were hit by the biggest natural disaster recorded in the
history of the world. After that i would ofcourse put some of that money into my
bank account or i would plan on opening a small business.finally i would send the
money that is left over to my country pakistan to the poor people over there.
Outof $25 million i would send $5 million to the countries where the tsunami
hit to help the countries recover from this tragic event. The country can supply
needs for the citizens such as food and shelter with the extra money they will be
recieving. The money can also help the cost to rebuild the vecationing places that
were also destroyed by the tsunami.
Well after the money is sent to the countries i would invest the the $10 million into a
small business that will keep my money comming in. A smart man always invests to
double or even triple the ammount of his profits. I would buy a small franchise such as
subway or a Burger King to keep the money flowing.
Ofcourse i am also going to put some money in the bank to have a safe place just
incase the business doesnt function probably. I would put $5 million in the bank.
Finally with the $5 million that i will still have left over i would send that money to
my country to help the poor make a living. My country which is pakistan has the
largest population of lower or even no class citizens. I am one of the lucky ones
who has a golden oppurtunity to come here and make something of my self. so i
would send the money over there to support the poor and provide them with food
and the basic essentials of life
In conclusion, these are the three things I would do if I suddenly recieved a large sum
of money. Maybe I will donate a small portion of it to ST. Peter’s college and than i
can have my name on a big wall in of the campuses, wouldnt that be something?
Annotations
This writing sample exhibits consistent control of focus, organization, and

supporting details and displays the use of a prewriting strategy with some analytical
development (Finally with the $5 million that i will still have left over i would send that
money to my country . . . . I am one of the lucky ones who has a golden oppurtunity
to come here and make something of my self. so i would send the money over there
to support the poor). In the introduction, the writer lays out three ideas for how
to use 25 million dollars (providing disaster relief, opening a small business, and
aiding the poor in Pakistan). Subsequent paragraphs elaborate on each of these
ideas, conveying a sense of planning. There is consistent control of a wide and
complex range of vocabulary (A smart man always invests to double or even triple
the ammount of his profits. I would buy a small franchise . . . to keep the money
flowing), but a few distracting errors in word selection and spelling occur (to rebuild
the vecationing places). The writing sample generally displays consistent control
of sophisticated and varied sentence structure; consistent control of grammatical
forms is also evident. Some distracting errors in word order, punctuation, and
other aspects of grammar occur (finally I would send the money that is left over
to my country pakistan to the poor people over there), but these errors do not
interfere with comprehension. This writing sample exhibits consistent control of the
elements of on‐demand essay writing in English and earns a score of 5.
Score of 6
An essay in this category demonstrates strong control of the elements of
The writing sample exhibits strong control of focus, organization, and supporting
details, with a sense of audience awareness. The writing sample exhibits an
insightful and engaging expression of ideas.
The writing sample exhibits strong control of a wide and complex range of
vocabulary, with infrequent errors in word selection, word forms, and spelling.
The writing sample generally exhibits strong control of sophisticated and varied
sentence structure, with few errors.
The writing sample exhibits strong control of grammatical forms. Some errors
in word order, punctuation, and other aspects of grammar do not interfere with
comprehension.

The question is “What would I do if I suddenly received a large sum of money?” For
myself this question will not be hard to answer.
I have been married for 16 years and began having children at the age of 20. I
thought that I was mature enough to handle everthing that came along with that
responsibility, boy was I wrong. I forgot about one of the most important parts of
raising children and that is the financial responsibility. Ever since getting married
and having children life, financially, has been one long struggle. Everything from
food and shelter to enrolling kids in extra activities to driving used vehicles.
Everything costs money. Whoever said that money doesn’t make you happy was
and idiot. I have everything but that.
If I wass to suddenly receive a large sum of money I know exactly what I would do.
First and foremost, a vacation has been well deserved for a long time. I would take
my family of four (and two dogs) on a fun, warm, exciting vacation to Disney World
for two weeks and then to Cancun for another two weeks while I thought everthing
through. After the vacation I would then begin ordering all the material things we
have ever wanted, within reason. These would of course be a new house, around
1800 square feet fully furnished with a huge kitchen.
Then for sure we would be able to have a fully stocked kitchen. My kids could have
their friends over to eat anytime without having to worry about budgeting the food for
the month. We would have new furniture and everything would match. My husband
and kids would then not be embarrased to invite their friends over to entertain. Then
of course we could have new vehicles, with warranties, so that we could take our
family out to the beach and not be concerned whether or not the car would make it
there and whether or not we could afford the gas. We have to budget that also.
The thing that would most excite me about this huge sum of money is that we could
all get the educations we want and deserve. I am thirty six years old and just going
back to school to become a Licensed Practical Nurse. This is a very scarey time
for me but the scariest thing is the amount of sacraficing my family will have to do
financially. The reason we have agreed on this sacrafice is so that I can get a job
that can help support my children so they can get an education. I don’t want them
to have to take out student loans and start out in debt. This is just something I feel
strongly about.
After all our needs and some of our wants are taken care of, I would then begin to
help outside family and specific charities that I believe in.
I would love to donate money to undr privelidged children who do not get the
opportunity to play in extra activities outside of school, such as hockey and baseball.
These activities were our saving grace. They have kept us busy as a family and they
keep my kids off the street looking for trouble. Their time is occupied by these extra
activities. I believe these activities, whatever they are, help build childrens characters
and teach them structure and discipline. Not enough money is given to these children
to help out with equipment and out of town tournaments, so this is where the money
could come in handy. In order for us to pay for these extras for my children I deliver
the Leader Post every morning at 4:30 am. Not everyone can do this, so this is where
I would love to help.
I believe that coming into a large sum of money at this time would be beneficial for
my family because of everything we have gone through and learned about life. For
other people who haven’t been so lucky this money could be a down fall for them. I
have heard of such horror stories.
In conclusion I would like to say that perhaps everthing happens in life for a reason.
Will I ever come into a large sum of money? Probably not but if I ever did trust me I
would not have a problem spending it, after all you only live once.
Annotations
Demonstrating strong control of focus, organization, and supporting details, this
writing sample exhibits an insightful and engaging expression of ideas (I thought that
I was mature enough to handle everthing that came along with that responsibility,
boy was I wrong. I forgot about one of the most important parts of raising children
and that is the financial responsibility). Consistent accuracy in idiomatic expression
demonstrates a strong awareness of audience and purpose (boy was I wrong. . . . our
saving grace . . . . come in handy . . . . horror stories). Support throughout the writing
is specific and relevant with carefully selected details that enhance understanding
(two dogs, 1800 square feet, Licensed Practical Nurse, the Leader Post). Transitional
phrases within paragraphs strengthen organization by reinforcing connections
between sentences (First and foremost, After the vacation, These would of course
be, Then for sure). The writing sample displays strong control of a wide and complex
range of vocabulary (I believe these activities, whatever they are, help build childrens
characters and teach them structure and discipline), although errors in word
selection, word forms, and spelling do occur (undr privelidged). The writing sample
generally exhibits strong control of sophisticated and varied sentence structure,
with few errors (I don’t want them to have to take out student loans and start out in
debt. . . . After all our needs and some of our wants are taken care of, I would then
begin to help outside family and specific charities that I believe in). There is also
strong control of grammatical forms (I believe that coming into a large sum of money
at this time would be beneficial for my family because of everything we have
gone through and learned about life). Exhibiting strong control of the elements of
on‐demand essay writing in English, this writing sample merits a score of 6.
There are lots of thing that we can do with a large sum of money in this world. We
can spend them for ourselves or spend them for others. Since my parents are busy
working to make a linving for thier four children, and I am interested in voluteering,
I would spend that large amount of money for my family and volunteering.
First, I would use some of money for my family to ease my parents burden by
paying tuitions and loans and to show my thanks for them by making family trip.
Since my family has four children who are all enrolling certain kinds f schools,
it is hard to paying all educational fees while they need other money for the
necessities in daily lives.
Moreover, as I am studying as an international student outside my home country,

it requires much more money, even twice as much money as usual students spend
for their tuitions and living things in my home country, Japan. So it would be quite
helpful for my parents to pay tuitions and fees of all thier four children. Also, I
would use that money for loans of our house. Seven years ago, my parents bought
a house in a city, which is convenient or children to go to schools, and which is
comfortable for my entire family to live in. The loan will not be compled paying even
my parents becaome old enough to retire thier jobs. It could harden thier lives since
they have to pay for house loans after finish and retire thier jobs. Therefore, I would
like to use the money for paying house loans to ease the burden of my parents so
that they can seek thier interests and hobblies to enrich their lives. To add to that,
I’d like to spend that money to show my thanks to my parents and grandparents.
They have been busy working to make a living for themselves and for thier families.
They’ve even sacrificed thier times for their jobs, in other words, they’ve been
trying hard to make our lives better by working extra hours. Because of that, I reaaly
like to show my gratitude for them by making family trips, where they can relax and
enjoy thier own time.
Next, I would like to spend that money for volunteering by donating and using them
to join some volunteer works. I would donate part of them for the organizations like
NGO, Red Cross, WHO and so forth to help people in the third world. Today, every
single days, there are hundreds of thousands people dying from disease, starvation,
mulnutrition and other reasons caused by poberty and lack of education. I belive that
those money I donate would help improve thier lives by educating them, constructing
sanitary facilities, giving them medical care, and providing them foods. Also, not just
donate money but I’d like to use them to join those works as a volunteer. I want to
actually contribute those works. But, it costs lots of money if I go to abroad to help
people such as Sudan, Philipin, Neparlle and Indnesia. So, I’d like to use it for my own
experiences of volunteering.
In those ways, I would like to use a large amount of money if I recieve it. I would
spend it on my family and volunteering, in other words, on private concerns and
social matters.
Annotations
Displaying an insightful and engaging expression of ideas, this essay exhibits
strong control of focus, organization, and supporting details. The writing provides
considerable depth of support, particularly in the first body paragraph where
substantial development supplies thorough information about the predicament of
the writer’s parents. In addition, skillful transitions and varied sentence structures
enable a smooth progression of ideas (Moreover, as I am studying as an international
student outside my home country, it requires much more money, even twice as
much money as usual students spend for their tuitions and living things in my home
country, Japan. So it would be quite helpful for my parents to pay tuitions and fees
of all their four children). Despite some errors in word selection, word forms, and
spelling (compled paying; join those works), there is strong control of a wide and
complex range of vocabulary (. . . there are hundreds of thousands of people dying
from disease, starvation, mulnutrition and other reasons . . . . I belive that those
money I donate would help improve thier lives by educating them, constructing
sanitary facilities, giving them medical care, and providing them foods). The essay
also demonstrates strong control of grammatical forms, and while it has errors
in word order, punctuation, and other aspects of grammar (Since my family has
four children who are all enrolling certain kinds f schools, it is hard to paying all
educational fees while they need other money for the necessities in daily lives),
these errors do not interfere with comprehension. Exhibiting strong control of the
elements of on‐demand essay writing in English, this essay receives a score of 6.

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Guide with Sample Essays

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A woman recently received an inheritance of $25 million from an unknown, distant

The writing sample exhibits a simplistic expression of ideas and little to no

Sample Essay #1 – Score of 1

Demonstrating little competency in the elements of on‐demand essay writing

The writing sample exhibits rudimentary development of ideas with an

Sample Essay #1 – Score of 2

Sample Essay #2 – Score of 2

ok, I got plans with it.

I want to take trip as long as possible.

At last, I send some money to poor family with no name.

And then, I will go to air port to have a great time in Europe.

How about my plan??

If you have a plan better than mine, tell me.

I will think about yours.

This writing sample displays limited competency in the elements of on‐demand

Sample Essay #1 – Score of 3

If those three points come true it would be a plseasure to become an Philathropist

This writing sample exhibits an emerging use of paragraphs and topic

The writing sample exhibits moderate control of focus, organization, and

Sample Essay #1 – Score of 4

Sample Essay #2 – Score of 4

I always wanted to go to broadway show. If I get the money I would take my

But I want to give the half of money to my parents or to my family. Becasue If my

The writing sample exhibits consistent control of focus, organization, and

Sample Essay #1 – Score of 5

The writer presents a compelling dilemma in the opening paragraph, wondering

Sample Essay #2 – Score of 5

This writing sample exhibits consistent control of focus, organization, and

Sample Essay #1 – Score of 6

Moreover, as I am studying as an international student outside my home country,

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The writing sample exhibits a simplistic expression of ideas and little to no

The writing sample exhibits rudimentary development of ideas with an

The writing sample exhibits moderate control of focus, organization, and

The writing sample exhibits consistent control of focus, organization, and