Introduction

How would someone define Self-Esteem? According to Nathaniel Branden, Self-Esteem is defined by:

1. Confidence in our ability to think, confidence in our ability to cope with the basic challenges of life.

2. Confidence in our right to be successful and happy, the feeling of being worthy, deserving, entitled
to assert our need and wants, achieve our values, and enjoy the fruits of our efforts.

If you believe that the problems in your life can't change no matter what you do and that you are not
in control of your own decisions, then you have low self- esteem.

If you feel like you don't deserve the credit people give you for your success or accomplishments, then
you have low self-esteem.

While high self-esteem might not be something which our life depends on (like water and food). Self-
esteem is important for our well-being and happiness, it gives us the mental power to achieve great
things and be successful in all parts of life. The author believes that every man or woman can increase
his/her self-esteem by practicing what he calls "The Six Pillars of Self- Esteem".

The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem are:

1. The Practice of Living Consciously

2. The Practice of Self-Acceptance
3. The Practice of Self-Responsibility
4. The Practice of Self-Assertiveness
5. The Practice of Living Purposefully
6. The Practice of Personal Integrity

Summary: Six Pillars of Self-Esteem 1

 1. The Practice of Living Consciously

"To live consciously means to seek to be aware of everything that bears on our actions, purposes,
values, and goals-to the best of our ability, whatever that ability may and to behave in
accordance with that which we see and know."

Living Consciously means that we are aware of what happens in our life and taking responsibility. It's
the ability to be able to stay congruent with your beliefs- values and act through them.

In order to do this effectively we need to constantly ask ourselves if we act based on our current heat
of emotion or based on our principles and values. Instead of avoiding our problems, we should admit
our mistakes and start dealing with them consciously.

For example, if you want to buy a car, you have to consciously examine both your emotional and rational
world. Emotionally, purchasing a car gives you the freedom to travel more often, which is something
that you really love to do. On the other hand, you also have to think rationally and make sure that you
can handle the expenses according to your budget.

2. The Practice of Self- Acceptance

"Without self-acceptance, self-esteem is impossible. Self-esteem is something we experience;

self- acceptance is something we do. Stated in the negative, self-acceptance is my refusal to be
in an adversarial relationship to myself. "

Self-acceptance is to accept that you are not perfect. Nobody is born perfect, everyone has their own
flaws. There is no point to start beating yourself because you are shorter than your co-worker. Instead,
you have to accept yourself for what you are. You might be short, but the tall guy next to you might be
bald and not like it either.

"Whatever my defects or imperfections, I accept myself unreservedly and completely."

There is a misconception about Self-Acceptance. Some people believe that Self-Acceptance means that
we have to approve everything about us, even the things that we can actually change and improve.
They think that we don't desire to change and become better. Self-Acceptance is actually the complete
opposite. Self-Acceptance is the first step we need to make in order to start improving ourselves.
Without accepting yourself as you are right now, you will never find the motivation to improve yourself.

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 3. The Practice of Self- Responsibility
"To feel competent to live and worthy, of happiness, I need to experience a sense of control over
my existence. This requires that I be willing to take responsibility for my actions and the
attainment of my goals. This means that I take responsibility for my life and well-being."

Self-Responsibility goes in hand with Self-Acceptance. It's the continuation of that process. After you
have accepted your flaws and mistakes, you now have to examine which of those you can actually
improve and take action, while stop worrying about those you can't. You might not be able to overcome
genetics, but you can certainly improve your behavior, your haircut, your health and your body!

Most people like to play the victim on what happens to them. Taking self-responsibility is crucial for
your self- esteem. Many of the problems you have right now can be actually solved by taking action
and responsibility. Stop wasting energy on things you cannot control right now (or never) and focus on
your circle of influence.

For example: Can you do something about the bad weather tomorrow? No, accept it and stop worrying
about it. Another example: You feel disorganized and inefficient? That is certainly on your circle of
influence. Accept the problem and take responsibility; make a plan, get an organizer, set your priorities
right.
Practicing Self-Acceptance and Self-Responsibility will increase your self-esteem enormously.

4. The Practice of Self- Assertiveness

'Self-assertiveness means honoring my wants, needs, and values and seeking appropriate forms
of their expression in reality."

Self-Assertiveness means that you stay true to your wants, needs, and values no matter the pressure
you get from other people. It is the willingness to stand up for yourself even if sometimes what you do
or believe is not so popular. In addition, Self-Assertiveness has to do with your ability to communicate
your honest thoughts without changing them in order to be "liked". If we express our opinions freely
without the fear of resentment, then we are confident.

For example: All your friends are smoking. No matter the peer-pressure you might feel in order to "fit
in" you choose not to smoke because you value your health. One thing that's important to understand
is that Self- Assertiveness is not forcing your opinion on others. It only means that you are being
authentic and don't give in to others people expectations if they don't agree with your values.
"My life does not belong to others and I am not here on earth to live up to someone else's expectations."

Self-Assertiveness gives you the sense of identity and right to exist. Thus, it strengthens your
self- Esteem.

Summary: Six Pillars of Self-Esteem 3

 5. The Practice of Living Purposefully

"To live purposefully is, among other things, to live productively, which is a necessity of making
ourselves competent to life. Productivity is the act of supporting our existence by translating
'our thoughts into reality, of ' setting our goals and working for their achievement, of bringing
knowledge, goods, or services into existence."

Do you have a purpose? Do you have goals? Dreams? If so, what do you do in order to achieve them?

Living purposefully means that you are productive, that you take action every day to achieve your goals.
Be specific, visualize what you really want in your life and make a plan. Measure your progress as you
go on.

"To live purposefully and productively requires that we cultivate within ourselves a capacity for
self-discipline. Self-discipline is the ability to organize our behavior over time in the service of
specific tasks."

Having goals and taking action in order to achieve them is essential for our self-esteem. It makes us
feel more confident and complete as a person.

6. The Practice of Personal Integrity

"Integrity is the integration of ideals, convictions, standards, beliefs and behavior. When our
behavior is congruent with our professed values, when ideals and practice match, we have
integrity"

When we behave in ways that conflict with our judgment of what is appropriate, we lose face in our
own eyes. We respect ourselves less. If the policy becomes habitual, we trust ourselves less or cease to
trust ourselves at all.

At the simplest level, personal integrity entails such questions as: Am I honest, reliable, and trustworthy?
Do I keep my promises? Do I do the things I say I admire and do I avoid the things I say I deplore? Am
I fair and just in my dealings with others?

Integrity means congruence. Words and behavior match. For example: If you said today that you will
go to the gym but you end up not doing it, you will lose some of your Personal Integrity, you will stop
trusting yourself and what goals you set to yourself. That will lower your Self-Esteem.

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The same happens when we interact with other people. We don't trust or value people who are not
congruent, people who don't keep their promises. Be honest with yourself, ask what makes you lose
your integrity and deal with it. Keep your promises (smaller and bigger ones) and you will feel far more
respect for yourself.

Conclusion

To the extent that the six practices are integrated into our daily life, self-esteem is supported
and strengthened. To the extent that they are not, self-esteem is undermined and subverted.
Every high self-esteem person agrees with the following sentences:

In General

I have a right to exist.

I am of high value to myself.
I deserve to be treated courteously and with respect by everyone.
No other individual or group has the power to determine how I will think and feel about myself.

Living Consciously

The more conscious I am of that which bears on my interests, values, needs, and goals, the better my
life will work.
If I understand the wider context in which I live and act, I will be more effective; it is worth my while to
seek to understand my environment and the wider world around me.

Self-Acceptance

At the most fundamental level, I accept myself.

I accept that what I think, feel, or do is an expression of myself, at least at the moment it occurs. I am
not bound by thoughts, feelings, or actions I cannot sanction, but neither do I evade their reality or
pretend they are not mine.

Self-Responsibility

I am responsible for my choices and actions.

I am responsible for the level of consciousness I bring to my work and other activities.
I am responsible for my behavior with other people- co-workers, associates, customers, spouse,
children, friends.
I am responsible for my personal happiness.
I am responsible for raising my self-esteem; no one else can give me self-esteem.

Summary: Six Pillars of Self-Esteem 5

Self-Assertiveness

In general, it is appropriate for me to express my thoughts, convictions, and feelings, unless I am in a

context where I judge it objectively desirable not to.
I have a right to treat my values and feelings as important. It serves my interests for others to see and
know who I am.

Living Purposefully

Only I properly can choose the goals and purposes for which I live. No one else can appropriately design
my existence.
If I am to succeed, I need to learn how to achieve my goals and purposes. I need to develop and then
implement a plan of action.
I must practice self-discipline not as a "sacrifice" but as a natural precondition of being able to achieve
my desires.

Personal Integrity

I should practice what I preach.

I should keep my promises.
I should honor my commitments.

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