Skills of Workplace Communication - A Handbook For T&D Specialists and Their Organizations (2001)
Skills of Workplace Communication - A Handbook For T&D Specialists and Their Organizations (2001)
Skills of Workplace Communication - A Handbook For T&D Specialists and Their Organizations (2001)
Communication:
A Handbook for
T&D Specialists
and Their Organizations
Richard P. Picardi
QUORUM BOOKS
Skills of Workplace
Communication
Skills of Workplace
Communication
A Handbook for T&D Specialists
and Their Organizations
Richard P. Picardi
QUORUM BOOKS
Westport, Connecticut •London
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
To my mother and father, the first of all the teachers for
whom I am continually grateful.
Contents
Contents
PrefaceandAcknowledgments
I wish to thank my editor Eric Valentine for his initial vote of confi-
dence, as well as his ongoing direction and patience; Alfred Dean Hall
for his professional advice and support during a long project; Drs.
Joseph and Jack Franzetti for opening a new door in my life; Jessica
Ratigan of St. John’s University for her invaluable assistance in the
creation of charts and illustrations; Mariana Conde and Cheryl Powers
of LaGuardia Community College for their assistance in the preparation
of the manuscript; Dr. Frank J. Macchiarola, PhD, of St. Francis College
for his readiness to help on this and many other projects.
I
Communication: Its
Flow and Its Flaws
1
Successful Business
Communication in a
Competitive Environment
SuccessfulBusinessCommunicationinaCompetitiveEnvironment
Most people presume that we live, at the onset of the new millennium,
in a golden age of communication. In terms of technology, we do. And
the age grows more golden every day, because each day brings new and
faster machines and software. But this is no golden age in terms of
individuals communicating with one another.
It has been over 35 years since Marshall McLuhan warned us that “the
medium, or process of our time—electric technology” was changing
everything. In Understanding Media he told us that “the medium is
the message.”1 Today we have come to realize the critical importance
of the next step. For successful communication we must focus on the
medium, the message, and the messenger.
And what is the information and knowledge state of America’s po-
tential messengers in the twenty-first century? The Pew Research Cen-
ter for People and the Press reveals that we may be wired in but we are
tuned out. While 79 percent of Americans have cable or satellite televi-
sion, 84 percent know very little about the Microsoft breakup. And
although 59 percent have home computers, 71 percent are unaware of
the federal budget surplus. And finally, while 53 percent have cell
phones, 56 percent have no idea who Alan Greenspan is. 2
Even those individuals with the greatest technological skills often fail
to communicate successfully. Sometimes it is our very technology that
causes this failure. In many cases dashed off, scatter-shot e-mails have
replaced well thought-out letters. “There are more avenues to reach
people than ever before, but there’s no substitute for face-to-face com-
4 Skills of Workplace Communication
FACTOR RANK
Attitude 4.6
Communication skills 4.2
Previous work experience 4.0
Recommendations from current employees 3.4
Recommendations from previous employer 3.4
Industry-based credentials certifying skills 3.2
Years of schooling completed 2.9
Score on tests administered as part of interview 2.5
Academic performance (grades) 2.5
Source: Census Bureau6
Successful Business Communication in a Competitive Environment 5
correctly spelled words. But they are usually perfunctory and ge-
neric in nature. Their evident lack of sincerity and specificity
dooms them to an equally listless reception by their recipient.
The simple fact is that business and government need, seek, and reward
people who know how to communicate. Yet, even in this golden age of
computer technology they are hard to find. As a result, those managers
with the greatest communication skills will be welcomed as valued
members of a team that gets things done—a team that makes changes
happen in business and society.
5. “If you successfully coach people, they may leave.” Most em-
ployees are looking for people who will invest in their professional
development. Coaching is one of the best tools for that. While
some employees who achieve new goals will leave, far more will
feel greater loyalty to an organization that is interested in their
professional development.
6. “Coaching doesn’t add to the bottom line.” The fact is that coach-
ing produces more consistent, replicable results than a lot of other
management approaches. Coaching is an investment in a person
that’s going to really pay off, but not for the next month’s num-
bers—that’s not coaching anymore, that’s managing, even if you
call it coaching.
Human Communication:
Its Basic Flow and
Potential Flaws
HumanCommunication
VERBAL COMMUNICATION
Verbal communication includes all messages using words, whether
oral or written. It can be either formal or informal. Formal communica-
tion occurs in management information and directives about policies
and procedures. These can be transmitted by written document chan-
nels or orally at meetings and conferences. Informal communication,
what is known as the grapevine, is primarily an oral method of transmit-
ting information. It occurs at the water cooler, across the table at lunch,
in the carpool, and in the gym.
10 Skills of Workplace Communication
Oral Communication
Oral communication has two equally important components: speak-
ing and listening.
Oral communication is, ironically, one of the most important yet
temporary functions in business. With it we can clarify a problem or
situation almost immediately. We have the added benefit of nonverbal
clues such as eye contact, body language, pregnant pauses, modulating
voice tones, and other physical modes to emphasize or underscore
specific points.
Without good oral communication everyday business and govern-
mental communication would slow down to a snail’s pace. Everything
from questioning fellow workers, to making presentations, handling
customer inquiries and complaints, giving directions, and evaluating
performance would become completely cumbersome and inefficient.
Good, that is, effective, oral communicators must simultaneously be
good listeners picking up visual clues from their audience as they
proceed. Without good listening skills, however, even the most care-
fully prepared and rehearsed oral communication may be ineffective.
The intended audience, whether one individual or a thousand, must
likewise have good listening skills for the circle of communication to be
complete. Poor listening is thought to cause more than half of all
communication problems that occur in business and government.
Written Communication
Written communication also has two components: writing, which
corresponds to the “speaking” mode, and reading, which corresponds
to the “listening” mode of oral communication.
Unlike verbal communication, written communication is perma-
nent—and more difficult. It may be done quietly and with time for
reflection and revision, yet by its very nature it is performed in isolation.
The writer must function without the spontaneous feedback that non-
verbal facial cues and body language may provide.
While written communication includes everything from bulletin
board notices to contracts and direct mail, its most frequently used
forms are:
NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION
Nonverbal communication refers to any message that is sent without
written words or speech. As shown above, nonverbal communication
includes messages that are sent, often involuntarily or unconsciously,
by our physical appearance, body language, territory, and sensory
signals. It has been estimated that as little as 7 percent of a message is
communicated through words. The remaining 93 percent of the mes-
sage is delivered by one’s tone of voice (38 percent) and one’s facial
expression (55 percent). 1
Physical Appearance
The first impression we make in business and social situations is our
physical appearance. Clothes, posture, grooming, and personal hygiene
all combine to make an immediate nonverbal statement. Grandmother
was right: always make a good first impression! American culture
attaches great, some might say too great, importance on physical ap-
pearance. We live in a society where models, both female and male, are
celebrities commanding huge paychecks. Magazines, newspapers, tele-
vision, and Internet websites are saturated with products and advice
for both men and women to improve their physical appearance. It goes
without saying that the people selling these products are physically
peerless.
When 12-Step programs and “fat whacker” pills don’t deliver, Ameri-
cans are opting for plastic surgery, in the form of facelifts, liposuction,
and breast enlargements. The American Society of Plastic and Recon-
structive Surgeons reports that the number of patients having facelifts
rose 50 percent between 1992 and 1997.2 The same survey revealed that
three times as many women aged 19 to 34 had breast-implant surgery.
When Nautilus machines and Ab-Blasters don’t deliver the prized
“six-pack,” men are turning more and more to the surgeon’s knife for
that sculpted body or that commanding jut-jawed chin of authority. If
present trends continue, men may someday catch up with women in
plastic surgery use.
Why all the hype? Like it or not, shallow and superficial as it might
seem, beauty is perceived as being much more than just skin deep.
When the whole package—the body, the clothes, the smile, the groom-
12 Skills of Workplace Communication
ing, the posture—is physically attractive men and women are both seen
as more intelligent, more credible, and more persuasive than their
unattractive coworkers. The added side effect is that they command
higher salaries.
Document Appearance
Positive first impressions are just as crucial in business and govern-
ment writing as personal appearance. Documents can give the same
positive or negative nonverbal messages as their senders’ physical
appearance. When they are carelessly composed, sloppily formatted,
and full of grammatical errors and misspellings they can have the same
negative effect on the recipient as a person who walks into an interview
with coffee stains on her white silk blouse.
Territory
Includes: Property such as real estate that we own or lease, the space
within which we operate at any given moment, and how we allot time
within that space or zone of activity.
Property
People consider their homes their castles. A burglar may walk
unchallenged down a quiet, neighborhood street, but stare down the
business end of a shotgun if he decides to slip in to someone’s house
through an open window! Store owners and their employees view
their property in the same way. A customer may freely stroll anywhere
in Tiffany’s fine jewelry department, but definitely not behind the
counter!
14 Skills of Workplace Communication
Space
People consider the physical space around their bodies as a type of
territory. Family members and loved ones may come within 1 1⁄2 to 4 feet
without setting off any alarm bells. Friends may come within a foot and
a half to four feet, which is considered arm’s length, and be comfortable.
Any other social intercourse, except for large groups, is usually kept at
a distance of 4 to 12 feet. Large groups inhabit what is called public
space, the area from 12 feet to the limits of one’s sight and hearing.
Likewise people tend to view particular spots or objects as an exten-
sion of their personal space. A young son or daughter may watch the
game from any chair in the house, except “Dad’s” club chair or recliner!
The definition of and the amount of space individuals consider their
own may vary from culture to culture. In the United States, we view our
personal space as a right that must be respected. We view with disdain,
even hostility, people who try to cut in on lines instead of waiting their
turn. The cause of many cases of “road rage” has been traced to drivers
who cut off other drivers or cut in on long tollbooth lines. In other
countries, China and Japan for example, space is viewed as everyone’s
common possession. Hence, they crowd and jostle for space in stores,
trains, and lines in a way that might seem hostile to North Americans.
Whatever the cultural variation, space exists as an important factor in
nonverbal messaging.
Time
The amount of time that we give to a person or situation is often a
powerful, if unspoken message. As before, if we tell someone he or she
is important or cherished by us, but then turn away, we have just
bequeathed an unspoken, negative message. Whether this was our
intention no longer matters.
Just as with space, the unspoken message of time varies from culture
to culture. North Americans, especially those in big cities like New York
and Chicago, are on the short end of the time continuum. They are
always in a hurry. In Washington, D.C., it’s who you know. In New York
it’s not just who you know, it’s when you know it. And that had better
be first. Or better yet, yesterday! South Americans, island people, and
Southern Europeans, for example, tend toward the long end of the time
continuum. Life is too important to waste rushing around driving
oneself crazy. “Slow down and smell the roses. You’ll live longer!”
Perhaps they’re on to something!
In addition to cultural factors one’s status within a corporate or
governmental organization also affects our notion of time. The higher
people are in the hierarchy the less likely you will be to keep them
Human Communication 15
waiting. A new employee who keeps his CEO cooling her heels half an
hour for a scheduled meeting is probably not going to get a second
chance to do it again. A new employee should arrive not merely on time,
but early, for such a meeting.
Sensory Signals
Our five senses—sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell—are all-pow-
erful communicators of nonverbal messages.
Sight
Often called the “windows of the soul,” our eyes reveal our true state
of mind when we speak. Unless we are pathological liars, we find it
impossible to look into someone’s eyes and tell a whopper. We consider
someone to be evasive and crafty when he gives us a “shifty look,” that
is, doesn’t keep eye contact.
Good eye contact elicits trust and confidence. Be careful though: The
boundaries of what is considered good eye contact, like most nonverbal
communication, vary from culture to culture. You can easily cross the
line from a steady gaze that will elicit trust and confidence. Too steady
eye contact can be transgressive, even a sign of aggression. Hence the
angry expression, “Don’t you eyeball me!”
Sound
The level of sound and the intonation of our voice is as much a part
of the message as the words we choose when we communicate. A raised
voice or a hissing sound can convey as negative a message as any word.
Like eye contact, sound is a culturally complex issue. What Americans
consider a friendly, jovial level of conversation, Japanese may view as
offensive. But, regardless of the culture, the importance of our sense of
sound is profound. It is believed that the last sense to leave when we
leave this earth is hearing. We all hope to hear the voice of a loved one
when we board that last flight.
Touch
Our sense of touch conveys positive and negative nonverbal mes-
sages. In normal everyday business situations the hands and arms are
the primary vehicles of communication. Note, however, some of the
following cultural variations:
CULTURE STYLE
Asians Handshaking is so rare that it is uncomfortable in many
Asian cultures.
Americans Prefer a firm, vigorous handshake. President Calvin
Coolidge was maligned for having a handshake that
“felt like a dead fish wrapped in newspaper”!
16 Skills of Workplace Communication
Taste
Of the five senses taste is the most solitary and least communicative.
Hence, we have such proverbs as “There’s no accounting for taste” or
“Everyone to his own taste.” Culturally speaking it is important to
respect the taste of other nations’ cuisines and not make offensive facial
gestures when the taste of a food is not to our liking.
Smell
The sense of smell, unlike taste, is highly communicative among all
living beings. In the animal kingdom and the human, smell is intrinsic
to mate finding and love making rituals.
Americans are extremely conscious of body and space odors. We
consider body odors and offensive space and territory odors to be a sign
of someone or someplace being dirty or lacking in hygiene. We are
deluged in print and television ads with an endless stream of body
deodorants and antiperspirants. Use them and we will smell like
“spring rain” and “mountain air.” Or with toothpastes and
mouthwashes that will make us “fresh,” “mint-filled,” and marathon
kissable. Or with fragrance candles and plug-in room deodorants that
will turn our abodes into “English gardens,” “summer eves,” and
“musk-filled seraglios.” We even get seduced and spritzed with per-
fume sprays in department stores!
To some Asian and Pacific island cultures we must seem phobic, even
paranoid. To them body odors are not something to be relentlessly
covered up, but a type of bonding shared among friends.
1. How much money do you think you will need per month to raise
a four-year-old child?
2. What is the value of an honest day’s work?
3. How much should parents influence their children’s dating
choices?
4. Which American political party is best for managing the nation’s
economy?
Concepts
“My 4-year-old needs $4000 per “I need to earn $400 per week to
day in child support. Minimum!” support myself and my three
Speaker: The wife of a New York kids.”
City billionaire Speaker: A single mother living in
a small town
Values
“If you work hard enough, you’ll “Why work. I have lots of income
succeed.” from my grandfather’s estate.”
Speaker: Self-made millionaire Speaker: Self-made millionaire’s
heir
Human Communication 19
Customs
“Parents should choose their “I’ll marry whoever I want. It’s a
children’s spouses.” free country, isn’t it?”
Speaker: The conservative father Speaker: An American teenager
of a Hindu family
Views
“The Republican Party is the best “The Democratic Party is the best
for the economy.” for the economy.”
Speaker: Lifelong registered Speaker: Lifelong registered
Vermont Republican Chicago Democrat
gestion and implication. Consider, for instance, the words house and
home. Or car and Rolls-Royce.
No two people attach the identical meanings to the same words. If
Linda asked Bert whether the report was ready, she might mean totally
written, printed, and packaged for each person attending the meeting.
Bert, knowing that the report was only just written in his computer,
might respond “yes,” because in his mind printing and packaging are
someone else’s responsibility. Miscommunication is caused by such
differences in our individual frames of reference as personality, culture,
education, and social status.
Emotional blockage. Few things twist the meanings of words as much
as our emotions. If Linda says to Bert, “Are you ready for this meeting?”
she is focused on the word ready. Bert, however, may still be smarting
from someone else’s criticism of his first meeting a year before, and
focuses on the words this meeting. If he lets his emotions color Linda’s
question, he may respond with very unproductive and undeserved
anger or sarcasm
External Causes
Information
1. Is it accurate?
2. Is it presented in a way that underscores its accuracy?
3. Is the information supported with sufficient data?
Persuasion
1. Is the issue or problem presented clearly?
2. Are there alternative ways of solving the problem?
3. Is the choice of the solution inevitable and inescapable?
Results
1. Are the projected results realistic and attainable?
2. Are the benefits purely financial?
3. Are there other benefits, for example, workplace or environmental?
Removing Internal
Causes of Business
Communication Flaws
We Americans are known around the world for our directness and
lack of formality, our Teddy Roosevelt–like “rugged individualism”
and Emersonian self-reliance, our belief in our ability to control time
and nature, our near worship of material goods and profits. Yet we are
beginning to realize that other cultures are becoming more and more
like us. Marx and Lenin would be in terminal shock if they were around
to witness the capitalistic spirit overrunning the old Soviet bloc.
Removing Internal Causes of Business Communication Flaws 29
When Wal-Mart opened its first store in Argentina four years ago it found
itself in the unaccustomed role of David—against a Goliath of a competitor
in Carrefour, the French general merchandise chain. . . . Wal-Mart entered
the Argentine market with a team of American managers and the same
basic store model that worked from Des Moines to Dallas.
The meat counters featured American cuts like T-bone steaks, not the rib
strips and tail rumps that Argentines prefer. Cosmetic counters were filled
with bright-colored rouge and lipstick, though Argentine women tend to
like a softer, more natural look. And jewelry displays gave prominent
placement to emeralds, sapphires and diamonds, while most women there
prefer wearing gold and silver. The first few stores even had hardware
departments full of tools and appliances wired for 110-volt electric power;
the standard throughout Argentina is 220. Wal-Mart will not divulge any
sales or income figures for its Argentine operations, but analysts there and
on Wall Street say the company racked up huge losses in its first few years
in Argentina. . . .
When Wal-Mart came to La Plata in July, 1997 it avoided making the
same mistakes. The aisles were made wider than in the first Buenos Aires
stores, and the floor was scuff-resistant tile, not carpet. Metal displays for
fish gave way to ceramic tile reminiscent of traditional Argentine fish
markets. Wooden wine shelves with overhanging arbors replaced metal
racks, a change that bolstered wine sales by 20 percent. . . .
“Let’s call it the ‘tropicalized Wal-Mart way,’ said an Argentine Wal-
Mart district manager, with a smile.” The New York Times, December 5,
19994
Americans are far from alone in their need to guard against ethnocen-
trism. The experiences in Japanese society of Ana Bortz, a Brazilian
television reporter, and David Aldwinkle, an American university pro-
fessor, make this very clear.
“What Ms. Bortz . . . said she had not been prepared for what was being
escorted out of a jewelry store in Hamamatsu City where she lives, be-
cause, as the store’s owners stated adamantly, they had a policy of refusing
people of her nationality. . . .
Ms. Bortz took on the discrimination against foreigners in Japan’s courts,
and to the surprise of many, not least herself, she won. . . .
30 Skills of Workplace Communication
David Aldwinkle, who has lived in Japan for 12 years, has made the
notion of bringing multiculturalism to the country something of a personal
crusade. . . .
The challenge now for Mr. Aldwinkle is to obtain Japanese citizenship.
The process is so exclusive that more foreigners are naturalized each week
in the United States than in Japan in an entire year.”
The New York Times, November 15, 1999.5
“New York City is so much better than it was a few years ago. But there
are too many prostitutes outside all those magnificent skyscrapers.”
An Italian tourist’s conclusion about women taking smoking breaks out-
side office buildings.
“The manager has personally passed all the water served here.”
Sign at the front desk of an Acapulco hotel.
she sought to play down the role of gender in her new role. “I hope we are
at a point that everyone has figured out there is not a glass ceiling,” she
said in response to a question. “My gender is interesting but really not the
subject of the story here.” 7
people” rule of human relations into the way you communicate about
disabilities, whether physical or emotional. The days of President
Franklin Delano Roosevelt’s invisible wheelchair and leg braces are
beginning to be left behind. It is no longer startling to see models with
disabilities in television, such as the Ikea ads, and in print advertising,
for example, the Land’s End catalog.
The preceding five categories of bias are not the only negative ideas
and stereotypes that linger in our subconscious. There is a newly coined
term known as “lookism,” or judging women and men by the attrac-
tiveness of their appearance alone. And there is the ancient tendency
noted by Stendhal in The Red and the Black to judge the poor as incapable
of having opinions as worthwhile as the financially fortunate: “How
can he [Rousseau] reason about anything when he has not an income
of a thousand ecus?”8 We all experience many stumbling blocks and
barriers along the road to better communication. Underlying all of the
proposals for improved expression is the time-tested fact that dealing
with people as individuals rather than stereotypes guarantees better
communication.
The same Shakespeare who is being used as a type of corporate
management consultant on military and kingly leadership said 402
years ago, we are all human beings “. . . fed with the same food, hurt
with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases, healed with the
same means, warmed and cooled by the same winter and summer.” The
Merchant of Venice, Act III, Sc. 1. 9
5
Removing External
Causes of Business
Communication Flaws
Posture
One’s posture is probably the first nonverbal message anyone can
send. Even when too far away for someone to notice a person’s clothing
and grooming, that person’s posture is making a positive or negative
statement. Even from a distance an individual can project authority and
self-confidence—or weakness and timidity. Good posture begins inside
the body. The first of the promoters of successful communication is
preparation. By preparing our mind before stepping into workplace
situations we can improve our posture. A rigid, overly poised appear-
ance, however, will seem artificial. The goal is to appear confident
without resorting to a West Point cadet’s posture, and to appear relaxed
without throwing a leg over the side of the boss’s armchair. We are not
usually the first ones to notice our own posture, so asking a friend’s
opinion and practicing in front of a mirror can be very helpful.
Body
Although genetics determines some of our bodily characteristics,
much is left to the will of the individual. Diet and exercise are medically
proven ways of staying in shape. Smoking, excessive alcohol, and
high-fat foods damage the body internally and externally. Most gyms
and health clubs have information on healthy eating habits that should
be joined with exercise to improve the health and appearance of the
body.
Clothes
Just as genetic factors determine some physical traits, the size of one’s
wallet will dictate some but not all clothing decisions. Quantity is not
Removing External Causes of Business Communication Flaws 39
Grooming
A classic wardrobe on a good body does not in itself guarantee a
positive first impression. Personal grooming and hygiene require care-
ful, daily attention. Cleanliness, most of all extending to skin, nails, and
hair, is essential. But well-groomed hair is immediately noticed. Avoid
hairstyles that call attention to themselves. “Big hair, no money” is not
a desirable first impression. Finally, men and women both need pol-
ished shoes to complete their wardrobe and grooming.
Eye Contact
Good eye contact is the first element in effective facial messaging.
Unless dealing with a sociopath, the eyes are considered the “windows
of the soul.” Under normal circumstances they tell us something about
the speaker’s attitude, sincerity, and truthfulness.
Body Language
The face and eyes are not the only nonverbal message givers that
human beings have. The body—its overall posture, the arrangement of
arms, hands, and legs—speaks volumes. We can learn much about what
is going on inside someone’s head by paying careful attention to body
language. We can learn to read body language like a book: Changing
body movements become like new paragraphs or chapters. By reading
body language correctly we can avoid the disaster of becoming the book
that is closed after the first few pages. None of us wants to be the book
that is told by its cover.
Space
Time
The way we use time, like the way we use space, sends strong
nonverbal messages. The language of time, as with most nonverbal
communication, also varies between and within different cultures.
North American cultures tend to be much more time-conscious than
southern European and Middle Eastern cultures. Furthermore, within
a culture such as the United States, there is a far greater emphasis on
time in New York and Chicago than in Southern cities like Jackson,
Mississippi, or St. Augustine, Florida.
To understand the messages we give each day with the language of
time, we only have to think of how we prioritize our daily schedules.
Do I frequently arrive late for work? This is sending a negative message
to superiors. Am I always on time for staff meetings? This reveals
respect for one’s fellow workers. How long do I take to respond to
memos? Letters? E-mail? The amount of time reveals the degree to
which we control our workplace demands. Do I keep people waiting
when they have appointments with me? If we do this as a matter of
habit, we are showing passive–aggressive tendencies. Such behavior
sends very negative nonverbal messages.
Once our frame of reference has been cleared of internal and external
barriers to successful communication, we are ready to let effective
verbal messages flow within a static-free and noise-free environment.
II
Becoming a Successful
Business Writer
6
The Foundations of
Effective Business
Writing
When external and internal barriers are recognized and removed, the
writer is free to focus on the positive flow of communication. Mastering
written communication means achieving the ability to create written
messages that can create change. These can only be messages that
possess clarity of purpose, organization, and expression. With success-
ful written communication we can bring about change for the better.
Without it we are stuck with the status quo. If all we have to offer is the
status quo, who needs us?
Every message we create represents an opportunity for positive
change. This means change for the better, a chance to gain something
either personally or financially. Good verbal communication will win
allies, admiration, and trust. It will also earn financial rewards in
increased sales and profits, or a better budgetary bottom line. Good
verbal skills are not a matter of genes—either you have them or you
don’t. They can be learned and developed by following clear goals and
procedures.
These four goals can only be achieved if they answer the following
questions posed in Chapter 3 for each goal.
Information
1. Is it accurate?
2. Is it presented in a way that underscores its accuracy?
3. Is it supported with sufficient data?
Persuasion
1. Is the issue or problem presented clearly?
2. Are there alternative ways of solving the problem?
3. Is the choice of solution inevitable and inescapable?
Results
1. Are the projected results realistic and attainable?
2. Are the benefits purely financial?
3. Might there be other benefits—for example, workplace and/or
environmental?
1. Who will be the recipient of this How can this message improve
message? Have you been your working relationship with
working with these people a this person or group? How can
long time? Have your relations this message avoid strains
been amiable or have they been caused in the past?
strained?
48 Skills of Workplace Communication
Once we have determined precisely who the audience for this com-
munication is, our writing has to target this individual or group directly.
The attention of the recipient must be gained immediately by showing
that he or she has a stake in our message. In a very real way our message
has to become our reader ’s message. The reader shouldn’t even stop to
think, “What’s in it for me?” The benefits should be obvious and should
begin to appear in the first sentence.
Gentlemen:
For a number of weeks we had a problem with approving journals in the
Seattle office. The problem was with Mark approving journals as ADM.
MANAGER. We took many swings at the bat, from many different angles
to solve this problem.
Mark would start off his day as ADM. and soon become OPS during the
day’s operations. The reason for this was SMART had two managers listed
as Branch Managers at start of day. Hence it was operationally necessary
to sign them both out.
Now here is the twist to all of this and the ugly consequences that
resulted. Vince is the Assistant Manager in Seattle. SMART listed him as
Branch Manager. Compliance listed him as non-existent. Process Manager
had Vince as an Ops Manager. That’s the gun of the issue and the following
paragraph the ammunition. At some point during the business day it was
necessary for Matt (Ops MGR.) or Mark (Adm. MGR.) to sign both Branch
Managers out of the office (SMART) for ck payouts. This caused a chain
reaction, Vince (in SMART) is BRM. When Vince is signed out it needs to
assign a level change so it looks to Compliance (where Vince does not
exist). At this point Process Mgr. Joins the picture and says Vince is Ops.
Mgr. and assigns Mark that level.
The cure—Vince is now Assistant Manager. He is no longer a BRM in
SMART and Process Mgr continues to view Vince as Ops. Mgr. (which is
correct!)
The problem was with Mark approving journals as ADM. MANAGER.
I am happy to report a solution has been found and implemented.
Aside from its careless formatting, grammar, and spelling, this memo
does not have a reader-based structure. There is a logic organizing this
document, but it is the logic of a story told from the writer’s perspective
and memory. The memo seems designed to satisfy the writer ’s need to
explain what went wrong and why. The reader ’s needs have not been
considered, if at all, until the very end. If the receiver is still reading this
memo at this point, her eyes have glazed over. She probably regrets
having asked Arthur for a solution in the first place. Ninety percent of
this memo is about how the problem arose. The solution that was asked
for is just a throwaway in the last line.
You can usually recognize writer-based prose by one or more of the
following features:
The Foundations of Effective Business Writing 53
Narrative style has its place, but it is hardly ever in business and
persuasive writing. Effective business communicators know that they
must reorganize their information and knowledge of an issue to suit the
reader’s needs.
I. A. 1. Evidence, example
I. A. 2. Evidence, example
III. THIRD MAJOR TOPIC
(as needed)
The first of these stages, changing the attitudes of people and the
perception of issues by choice of language, is the subject of this
chapter. Creating and revising the total document will be the subject
of Chapter 8.
The time before we create any message is the most critical moment of
the whole process. This is when we focus on the people and issues
where we want to see some changes made.
The next step is to clarify the nature of each message. This will be the
area of purpose—what the sender wants to see changed.
Focus of change. How can this message deal with the issues as effectively
as past ones? Or how can a writer word proposals more clearly and
more positively to increase their effectiveness and, therefore, their
acceptance?
1. By trying to spend more time thinking about the reader than about
what the writer has to say. This means focusing on the “you”
62 Skills of Workplace Communication
There are many options in the actual words and phrases used to show
that the writer is truly reader-directed. The simplest way is to remove
oneself, the “I” or “we” at the beginning of the sentence and substitute
the “you” for the person the message is directed at.
“Me/we” view: I need the entire sales staff to complete the attached
questionnaire about safety in the workplace.
“You” view: Your safety in our workplace will be increased
through your input into the questionnaire.
“Me/we” view: We have approved your consumer loan application.
“You” view: Your consumer loan application has been approved.
“Me/we” view: I am happy to announce that we have instituted a
new training program to improve employee letter
writing.
“You” view: Enhance your letter writing skills by attending the
new training program.
Be Positive
The simple act of changing from the “I/we” view to the “you” view
makes written communication more positive from the very start. Being
positive is always desirable, unless we want to burn our bridges behind
us. Burning bridges, however, means that all hope has been given up
for any change for the better. Positive thoughts, on the other hand, lead
to positive words. And positive words generally lead to positive ac-
tions.
Although its negative tone wasn’t funny at the time, today we can
probably laugh in sympathy at a slash-and-burn letter Mark Twain
wrote over 100 years ago:
custom of yours. And it has happened again today. Haven’t you a tele-
phone?
Ys
S L Clemens
Dear Madam:
I am in receipt of your letter in which you state that the printer you
purchased from us recently failed to meet the warranty requirements.
You claim that the printer failed to do the things you say our salesperson
promised it would do.
Possibly you misunderstood the salesperson’s presentation. Or perhaps
you failed to follow instructions properly. We positively know of no other
customer who has made a similar complaint about the printer. The feeling
is that it will do all that is stated if properly used.
However, we are willing to make some concessions for the alleged faulty
part. We will allow you to return it; however, we cannot do so until you
sign the enclosed card and return it to us.
Sincerely yours,
Negative: Since you failed to say what size you wanted, we cannot
send you the shirts.
Positive: You’ll receive the shirts within two or three days after you
send us your size on the enclosed form.
Negative: We cannot pay this bill in one lump sum as you requested.
Positive: We can clear up the balance in six months by paying you
in monthly installments of $20.
64 Skills of Workplace Communication
Negative: We’re sorry we cannot offer you space at $200 per square
foot.
Positive: We can offer you excellent space at $300 per square foot.
Negative: We are not open on Saturday.
Positive: We are open from 8 AM to 8 PM daily, except Saturday and
Sunday.
Getting our reader on our side with personal and positive language
is a first step; keeping them there is achieved by a clear and concise
message.
Clarity is the bedrock of successful business writing. Without clarity
none of our goals will be achieved. Clear writing is easily understood
and unambiguous. It is plain and direct. It is free of obscurity and
confusion. Misunderstandings are costly to companies and their em-
ployees. Lack of clarity causes employees to lose patience and produc-
tivity, and companies to lose money. Whether the message is a purchase
order for a new telecommunications system or preliminary test-market-
ing results, understanding the message on the first reading is essential.
Clarity, like anything having to do with communicating, begins in the
mind. It is revealed in our choice of language as well as our mastery of
the basics of grammar.
Conciseness is next in importance to clarity. We do not live in leisurely
times. Everyone is on the run, cell phone firmly in ear. People appreciate
messages that are brief and to the point. Some of the most influential
and memorable documents of Western civilization are models of brev-
ity: the Ten Commandments has 132 words; the Bill of Rights has 462
words; and the Gettysburg Address has 272 words. While some of the
most forgettable documents are very long: Abraham Lincoln’s Gettys-
burg Address followed Governor Edward Everett of Massachusetts,
who went on for two hours. Does anyone remember even one phrase
of the thousands of words he said? The United States Department of
Agriculture needs 14,054 words for its publication on cabbage. Anyone
interested?
Railroad magnate Cornelius Vanderbilt, who created one of the great-
est fortunes in American history, needed only 22 words when he wrote
this unforgettably clear and concise message to some associates who
had attempted to cheat him:
Gentlemen:
You have undertaken to cheat me. I won’t sue you, for the law is too slow.
I’ll ruin you.
Yours truly,
Cornelius Vanderbilt
Achieving the Style and Tone of Effective Business Writing 65
Here are five ways to make business writing more clear and concise:
ABSTRACT–VAGUE CONCRETE–SPECIFIC
In the near future By 5:00 PM Friday
Considerable savings A 40 percent reduction
Home-office machine Epson 1440 printer
At a later date March 17
Beverage Chateau Petrus 1955
Businessperson Deputy Director of Housing
2. Use plain everyday words. Short and simple words are the fastest
and surest carriers of your message. You use them confidently and
your reader grasps their meaning quickly. Some business writers
mistakenly think that if they use long words they will dazzle their
readers. What they end up doing is annoying the very people they
thought they would impress.
The greatest and best example of language choice that defies
clarity is “legalese.” Even lawyers have to admit that most of their
“herewiths,” “heretos,” “thereins,” and “ipso factos” do not in-
crease communication at all.
One person who waged war on what he called the “junk an-
tiques” of lawyers’ writing was David Mellinkoff. A lawyer him-
self, and writer of such books as Language of the Law and Dictionary
of American Legal Usage, Mellinkoff was an early force for simpli-
fying insurance policies and other consumer documents. He also
argued for streamlining state and federal legislation, and adding
writing classes to law school requirements. When New York State
passed a law in 1981 requiring that consumer agreements be
written in a “clear and coherent manner using words with com-
mon and everyday meanings,” Mellinkoff went after the govern-
ment writer. “Common and everyday are redundant,” he said.
David Mellinkoff’s solution for “legalese” was simple. “The
most effective way of shortening legal language,” he wrote, “is for
judges and lawyers to stop writing.”1
Managers and supervisors can’t simply stop writing, but they
can use clear, everyday language. Here are some examples of long
66 Skills of Workplace Communication
words drawn from Latin roots of ancient Rome. They are followed
by short action words from the Anglo-Saxon and Teutonic roots of
the English language.
NEEDLESSLY LONG SHORT AND CLEAR
antecedent prior
ascertain learn
definitive final
enumerate list
interrogate ask
modification change
predicated based
recapitulation review
remuneration pay
subsequent after
termination end
And here are some examples of “legalese” that we can all com-
municate very clearly without:
LEGALESE PLAIN ENGLISH
aforementioned said earlier
aforesaid said earlier
annexed hereto added, attached
appurtenant additional
ascertain find out
attached herewith enclosed
furtherance promotion
hereby by this action
hereinafter later
I am in receipt of I have
notwithstanding in spite of
pending your reply until I hear from you
thereinafter later
wherefore for that reason
Below are some examples of old-style corporate and governmental
writing. Unfortunately, the type of writing they contain, as out of
date as it might be, is still around. Following each example of the
old and musty is a rewritten update in the kind of plain English
that would have pleased David Mellinkoff.
INSURANCE INDUSTRY
BANKING INDUSTRY
Old style: For value received, the undersigned jointly and severally hereby
promise(s) to pay. . .
Clear, concise, plain English: To repay my loan I promise to pay you . . .
GOVERNMENT AGENCY
Clear, concise, plain English: Action taken on your food stamp case
Student Tax Report
CLICHÉS ACRONYMS
If I can be of further help . . . ASAP
If you have any other questions . . . FEMA
I would like to take this opportunity to . . . OPS
Thank you for your consideration . . . OSCIA
CYBERSPEAK TRANSLATION
A 404 clueless
brb be right back
BDU big dumb user
cul see you later
cya see you
cul8r call you later
g2g got to go
lol laugh out loud
nm not much
wsup what’s up?
24-7-365 twenty four hours a day, seven days a
week, three hundred sixty five days a year
. . . (continually)
Organizing and
Developing the Total
Document
Secondarily your central idea should answer the following two ques-
tions: Who will be affected by this change? and How will they be
affected by this change? Changing people is not a realistic goal. We may
set out to change people’s perceptions of things, but setting out to
change people is not a profit making goal of business or a sensible
mission for government.
Our goal is to change things: procedures, profits, systems, people’s
perceptions. What we want changed and how we think it would best
be changed will cover a broad continuum from very positive to very
negative. As a result, business messages will fall into three categories:
1. Very positive, that is, brimming with good news about issues and
people. The change desired in such situations will not be to make
them negative, but to make people aware of the good news or to
congratulate those who helped to cause the good news.
2. Neutral, that is, with no clearly positive or negative issues.
Organizing and Developing the Total Document 75
3. Very negative, that is, dealing with problems and losses, with
resulting negative effects on people involved.
Why should I frontload my central idea? Here are two of the many
advantages of presenting the central idea directly.
Why should I backload my central idea? There are two major reasons for
backloading negative or bad news:
What are some specific ways to backload negative news? While positive
language is always the goal in business writing, there are often
negative situations to deal with. In such cases choosing positive
language is not enough. The negative or potentially negative central
idea must be placed in such a way that the least damage or ill will
is caused.
When a message is so negative that it has to be backloaded, the sender
can do this by using one or all of the following methods. Any or all of
them will have the effect of making the bad news seem less personal.
They will also reduce greatly any confrontational note.
• a purpose,
• a number of floors,
• a number of units per floor.
Introduction
The central idea of the entire message:
Central idea includes some direction for the reader:
1. First idea in a word or phrase
2. Second idea in a word or phrase
3. Third idea in a word or phrase
Organizing and Developing the Total Document 79
If the writer decides that each of these three ideas needs fuller explana-
tion, he or she would place each one in a separate paragraph and
produce a five-paragraph or longer frontloaded document.
Introduction
The central idea of the entire message:
Central idea includes some direction for the reader:
First idea in a word or phrase
Second idea in a word or phrase
Third idea in a word or phrase
The number of paragraphs. If the writer places these three ideas into one
paragraph, a three-paragraph, backloaded document will result.
Introduction
The central idea of the entire message:
Central idea includes some direction for the reader:
1. First idea in a word or phrase
2. Second idea in a word or phrase
3. Third idea in a word or phrase
Development of reasons
Conclusion:
Now let’s apply this method to an actual writing situation. You are a
member of the Environmental Protection Committee of a county gov-
ernment. You have been asked to summarize the potential problems
that will arise if the Stellar Oil Company is allowed to begin drilling in
a populated area and recommend a course of action. The company
intends to begin by erecting a 130-foot derrick and follow this by
Organizing and Developing the Total Document 81
• Increased noise
• Increased traffic
• Pollution
4. Fit in the remaining items under these three headings.
1. Increased noise
a. Nearby hospital
b. Nearby school
c. People in neighboring homes
82 Skills of Workplace Communication
2. Increased traffic
a. Trucks bringing in equipment
b. Trucks carrying away oil
c. Workers arriving and leaving
3. Pollution
a. Air
b. Ground
c. Water
5. Assemble the three-paragraph document. The following three environ-
mental issues should be considered before the oil-drilling project
is approved: the risks of environmental pollution, an increase in
noise, and an increase in automobile and truck traffic.
There are a number of areas in the county that would be suitable for
your Stellar Oil’s operations. Let’s schedule a meeting in the first week
of June to discuss some of these possibilities.
Introducton
Background or reasons for your unwelcome central idea
Includes some direction for your reader:
First idea in a word or phrase
Second idea in a word or phrase
Third idea in a word or phrase
Organizing and Developing the Total Document 83
Conclusion
If you decide that each of these three ideas needs fuller explanation,
then place each one in a separate paragraph and produce a five-para-
graph or longer document.
Topic Sentence
Just as every document needs a central idea, every effective para-
graph needs a topic sentence. Topic sentences are often confused with
topics. A topic is an area of discussion; a topic sentence is a precise,
summary statement of what will be said about a topic in the paragraph
that follows.
The topic sentence serves as the central idea of the paragraph. To
function properly and work for you, it must be complete yet limited. This
means it must be a complete sentence: it must have a subject and a verb,
and express a complete thought. It must also be limited in that it covers
only the one specific idea that will be handled within the paragraph. In
the first of the following examples, releasing clients’ names might cause
many problems, but the complete topic sentence limits the paragraph
to the violation of the privacy issue alone.
A good topic sentence controls all of the other sentences in the para-
graph. The remaining sentences exist in a direct plus or minus relation-
ship to the topic sentence. They will either support or limit the topic
sentence. In addition, an effective topic sentence gives direction and
tone for the reader.
Our Year-End Summary of Charges can help simplify your record keeping and
tax preparation. Maintaining accurate records can be a time-consuming
process. At the beginning of each calendar year, you will receive a complete
summary of all Blue Diamond charges made during the previous year.
Charges billed during the previous year are itemized by category, such as
merchandise, airline, or restaurant, with a detailed report showing totals
within each category.
Unity
Once a good topic sentence is in place, the writer has to stay focused
on it, for the writer’s own sake, and for the reader ’s. To guard against
the all too human tendency to drift or get sidetracked by constant
interruptions of daily life, writers should always check paragraphs for
unity. This process will help to guarantee that the topic sentence, every
sentence in the body of the paragraph, and the concluding sentence all
relate to the one main idea
Brevity
William Faulkner and Henry James are great writers but not models
for drafting business reports. Unless the sender of a communication is
in the most delicate negotiations, where subtle distinctions are required,
clarity and ease of understanding are the primary goals. For these
reasons paragraphs are kept short in all business writing. Eight senten-
ces should be the average length with none over 12 sentences.
Coherence
A paragraph coheres, or holds together, when its sentences are ar-
ranged in a clear, logical order and when its sentences are connected
like links in a chain. Doing this not only helps the writer, it makes the
message reader-based. An orderly presentation of ideas within each
paragraph makes it easier for the reader to follow and more pleasant to
read than a maze of disjointed sentences.
The events in this paragraph are clearly arranged in the order of time.
They are presented as they happened, chronologically. Throughout the
paragraph the reader is given signals to emphasize the chronological
order. This is done with the underlined key words, such as the dates,
and transition words, such as “half a century,” “later,” and “now,”
which emphasize time order and guide the reader from event to event.
Space order. Another useful way to arrange ideas in a paragraph is
space order. With this method a person, place, or thing is described
graphically: from left to right, top to bottom, foreground to background,
and so on, as the underlined do in the following paragraph:
As the new classic residences of 2000 Ocean Boulevard are near comple-
tion, the opportunity to own them is also drawing to a close. Just a few of
our most desirable condominiums remain. Oversized windows reveal
sweeping lake and ocean views. Museum-quality floors gleam under
10-foot ceilings in grand rooms of prewar-style proportions. In a separate
wing, bedroom suites are ideal for relaxation and repose. A handsome
lobby opens unto a private dining room ready for catering large parties.
For added convenience owners may purchase studio suites located on the
second and third floors. A rooftop garden and Olympic sized swimming
pool complete a picture of unprecedented luxury.
This paragraph uses space order. The first sentence clearly places the
setting, an oceanfront condominium. The third sentence moves the
reader’s eyes to the ocean views as seen from the interior windows. The
fourth sentence looks at the floors and ceilings; the fifth sentence . the
bedroom wings. The seventh entence guides the reader to the lobby; the
eighth sentence to the second and third floors, and and the last sentence
to the rooftop garden and pool.
Opening words and phrases such as “oversized windows,” “in a
separate wing,” and “a rooftop garden” signal the reader to look at
different spaces and floors of the building.
Climactic order. Ideas in a paragraph can also be arranged in order of
importance, or climactic order. This can be done by starting with the
most important ideas and ending with the least, or by beginning with
90 Skills of Workplace Communication
the least important and building to the climax of the most important
one. Order of importance is especially useful in business situations
requiring persuasive writing. Beginning with the most important ideas
gets the reader ’s attention and makes her or him want to continue
reading.
Sometimes, however, the sender may want to add some punch and
surprise to the paragraphs. When this is the goal, the writer will begin
with the least important idea and build to a climax by saving the most
important idea for last. This method can prevent the tendency of some
writers to start with a bang and dwindle away to a whimper.
“City workers have had no real wage increases in recent years,” the
union leader said. “We have answered the city’s call time and again for
cooperation. City workers have taken benefit reductions, and deferred
funds owed to us. Now it’s time for the pendulum to swing the other way.
We municipal employees want our fair share of the pie. We’ve earned it.
We’ve waited 20 years. Now we’re going to get it, even if we have to go
out on strike!”
court by the grand jury. With the indictment issued, the prosecutor can
proceed to the arraignment.
In this paragraph the words “grand jury” are repeated three times, the
words “indictment” and “prosecutor” three times. To avoid unneces-
sary repetition, which can become boring if overused, the pronoun “it”
is substituted for “grand jury” twice.
Use of synonyms and substitutions. When the writer does not wish to
repeat a key word or use a pronoun, he or she can make the paragraph
more coherent with synonyms and substitutions. In the earlier para-
graph, for example, “municipal employees” was substituted for “city
workers.” Instead of a synonym the writer can substitute other words
that describe the subject. Writing about Carl Icahn, for example, one
could refer to him as “the famed corporate raider.” Such substitutions
provide a change from constant repetition of a person’s name or a single
pronoun, which can become tiresome for the reader.
Use of transitions. Skill in using transitional expressions is vital to
coherent writing. Transitional expressions are words and phrases that
point out the exact relation among paragraphs and ideas in the total
document, and among sentences in each paragraph. Words like “there-
fore,” “however,” “for example,” and “finally” are signals that guide
the reader from idea to idea and sentence to sentence. Without them
even orderly paragraphs with good ideas can be confusing and difficult
to follow.
The position of sales manager requires academic and practical work expe-
rience in general retail sales. While a college degree is desirable, at least one
year of successful sales experience in each of three capacities is required. First,
the candidate must show knowledge of cash and register management.
Second, the candidate must have demonstrated in past work experience
superior leadership and supervisory abilities. Finally, the candidate must
possess a record of reliability and diligence. After interviews have been
concluded, the company will make hiring decisions within 10 days.
WritingClear,Forceful,Reader-BasedSentences
Coordination
, and
, but
, for
Pattern 1 Independent clause , nor independent clause
, or
, so
, yet
96 Skills of Workplace Communication
After we have had sufficient time to examine the parameters of the present
weather-related conditions we will get these people within the scope of
our evaluation and determine how best we can deploy our emergency
management resources.2
Too long for you? At 78 words this passage would hardly merit an
award from a government bureaucracy that can produce a 308-word
sentence on a single civil-service regulation.
Fortunately, thanks no doubt to continued prodding by people like
David Mellinkoff, government and business have slowly begun to
98 Skills of Workplace Communication
recognize this language problem. In 1981, for example, New York State
passed a law requiring that consumer agreements be written in “a clear
and coherent manner using words with common and everyday mean-
ings.” Aside from he fact that “common” and “everyday” are redun-
dant, it was a good start. 3
Instead of waiting for more directives, try the following simple rules
for length:
Dear Shareholder:
We appreciate the affirmative vote from our policyholders and the final
approval by regulators, which enabled us to convert from a mutual com-
pany to shareholder ownership. We believe this was an important and
critical step to ensure the future success of our company.
During the past 75 years, we valued the trust placed in us by our policy-
holders and customers. Now, we also value your trust as a shareholder.
With your continued support, we renew our dedication to serve you today
and in the future.
Sincerely
Observing Parallelism
Parallelism is another effective way of being reader-oriented. Paral-
lelism, or parallel construction, is the balancing of two or more words,
phrases, or clauses. To put it another way, words, phrases, and clauses
that serve the same function should be put in the same grammatical
form—nouns, verbs, participles, and so forth. Because parallelism
makes a list or series of ideas easier to understand and follow, it is a
good idea to employ it with numbered or bulleted lists in your memos,
letters, or reports.
Unparallel sentence structure: Some people think the tax code is too
complex, favors the rich, and it needs to be changed.
102 Skills of Workplace Communication
There is, however, one very useful function for the passive voice in
business communication. This function appeared in Chapter 8 as one
Writing Clear, Forceful, Reader-Based Sentences 103
Both memos and letters should follow the triple plays shown in
Chapter 6 that apply to all forms of business communication.
Memos and letters for business and government are built upon three
ages:
they become our secondary audience. What effect will our writing
have on them? We always want positive results with any audience.
Revise. The roots of the word revise mean not simply to “correct” or
“edit” but to “see again.” Seeing a document again means stepping
112 Skills of Workplace Communication
back from it and rereading it as if someone else wrote it. Most writers
do this in two ways:
Headings
Memos are written either on standard printed forms or with
letterheads printed or generated with computer templates. You can
use those provided by companies such as Corel or Microsoft, or design
your own.
Regardless of the type of stationery, all memos have the following
headings:
TO: Write the name and job titles of the receiver as well as those
who will receive a copy of the memo. Place job titles either on the
same line as the receiver’s name separated by a comma, or on the
following line.
FROM: Write your full name and title on the same line, separated by
a comma, or on the following line. Most writers initial their name as
a sign that whether they have typed the memo they are in fact the
sender and are responsible for its contents.
SUBJECT: Write the purpose or central idea of your memo using all
capital letters. A vague phrase or topic is not a reader-based subject
line. While a complete sentence is not necessary, make sure you write
a clear, specific, easily understood thought. When you do this you are
telling your reader in a very concise way what is to come. Many
newspaper headlines provide models of good subject lines, for exam-
ple: “Power Authority Set to Choose Buyer of Two Reactors Today.”
If you find it difficult to limit your subject to no more than two lines,
you might not be ready to write yet. Try going back to your purpose in
writing the particular memo.
What follows are some examples of subject lines.
Writing Memos and Letters that Achieve Your Goals 113
MEMORANDUM
1. Full block. All of the individual elements are arranged flush left
on the page, single-spaced, with a line skipped between each of
the individual elements. Examples of the full block style appear
on pages 114–15, 178–79,186–87, and 205.
2. Partial or semi-block. All elements except the return address and
date, the complimentary closing, signature, and printed name are
flush left. Everything is single-spaced except for the double spac-
ing between paragraphs. Pages 174–75, 209–10 and 215–16 give
examples of this partial block style.
3. Simplified style. A full block format that omits the salutation and
complimentary closing lines. However, it includes a capitalized
subject line like a memo without printing the term Subject. It skips
three spaces after the subject line before beginning the body of the
letter; and skips four spaces after the body before printing the
writer’s name and title in capital letters on the same line. This
style, fostered by the Administrative Management Society, is
closer to the memo format and is more suited to business-to-busi-
ness communication than business-to-customer writing. Exam-
ples of the simplified letter style can be seen on pages 180–81 and
195–96.
4. Indent style. Exactly like the partial block style with one excep-
tion. It indents each paragraph of the body of the letter five spaces
instead of skipping a line between paragraphs. Although the in-
dented style is losing favor, an example of it is shown on page 191.
If you use the indented style, do not double space between para-
graphs. This is redundant.
A business letter using full block formatting style:
Thank you. . . .
Sincerely,
Philip Spenser
Philip Spenser
Corporate Manager
Previously Owned Vehicle Operations
CEP: ajt
Enclosure
Graphic highlighting
Refers to the use of bold face, italics, and underlining as well as
numbers and bullets to highlight the division of main and subordinate
ideas in your document. As people’s schedules get steadily tighter,
business writers today use more graphic highlighting than ever before.
As in the above letter, graphic highlighting is used to focus the reader
immediately on the key points of the document.
Properly used, graphic highlighting can help you to organize, ar-
range, and emphasize your key points. More importantly, graphic high-
lighting gives your readers the cues they need to navigate easily and
quickly through your document.
Frontload all memos and letters that contain positive, neutral, or only
somewhat negative news by placing the central idea at the beginning
of the document in two ways:
Defer or backload all memos and letters that contain seriously neg-
ative news for the receiver by deferring or placing the central idea at a
later stage in the message. This doesn’t mean that we should leave our
readers completely in the dark at the beginning of such a document. Get
to the bad news gradually and objectively.
An ancient Chinese proverb says, “Don’t use a hatchet to remove a
fly from a friend’s forehead.” In other words, it’s enough that our
readers are about to get some bad news, there’s nothing to be gained by
antagonizing them with a combative or demeaning subject line.
On the other hand, we shouldn’t be so indirect that our opening
paragraph becomes an unmagical mystery tour.
• Politely tell the reader what mental and physical actions you want,
for example, a decision, a choice, a meeting, a phone call, a hard
copy written response, or an e-mail.
• Suggest a time frame for these mental and physical actions, that is,
give the date by which you would like these actions to be started
or completed. By doing this you are specifying when you expect
to achieve your shared goals.
Closing a deferred load memo or letter. The care you have taken in
delivering negative news indirectly should extend to the conclusion.
The more unwelcome the news you gave your reader, the more import-
ant it is to end on an upbeat, pleasant note. Most of all make it clear that
the matter is concluded.
• It is fast
• It can send messages to many receivers simultaneously
• It is cheap
• It is convenient
Disadvantages of e-mail:
Cc: stands for the courtesy copy that will go to the names listed on
this entry
Bcc: stands for blind courtesy copy. Since this information is kept
from the people indicated as receivers the practice of sending blind
copies is considered duplicitous or unethical. However, diplomatic or
political common sense sometimes requires it.
Subject: this entry line serves the same purpose as the subject line in
memos and some letters. It gives the central idea, or at least a pre-
view of the central idea, of the whole message.
Attachments: this line is used for entering any files that you wish to
send with your message.
The message: this is the content or message you wish to send by e-
mail.
{
Picks up the subject line preview
INTRODUCTION
Expands the subject line into a fully stated
central idea
DEVELOPMENT
{ Gives the specific items of information
Gives the reasons if necessary
128 Skills of Workplace Communication
{
Refers back to the central idea
CONCLUSION
Cues desired mental and physical action
Situation:
1. Critics are questioning our commitment to equal opportunity
hiring practices. ✕
2. We already established a policy last November. ✓
Need or purpose:
1. Inform upper-level people about continuing questions. ✓
Writing and Revising Neutral and Good News Memos 129
Creating the central idea: After reviewing the five entries on situation
and need or purpose, Charles decides that perhaps the first entry about
critics should be deleted. While he wants to be direct, he doesn’t want
to emphasize or begin on a defensive note. Next he will combine the
four checked items into one clear summary statement of what’s to come:
Now the writer expands this central idea from his subject line into his
first paragraph.
The writer has edited or narrowed down this informal list to achieve
single topic unity: looking over the list, he decided to omit items 2 and
3. They’re not reader-based; they just show the writer’s annoyance and
impatience. They’re also somewhat negative.
Rearrange the narrowed down informal list according to one of the
logical patterns:
This issue concerns people looking for employment with our company and
people who are already employed by our company in regard to promotion,
their rate of pay, etc. It also covered terms, conditions, and privileges of
employment.
Each and every one of you are requested to take all possible steps to
guarantee that the following is in spirit as well as in form the policy which
governs all our actions.
Charles J. DeTore
President
132 Skills of Workplace Communication
Formatting revisions
• Headings: All headings are correct except for the following two:
Subject line. The subject of this memo could be more accurately
termed a reissue and update rather than simply a reissue, because the
author states in the second paragraph that he will “expand upon”
some nondiscrimination factors.
Signature line. When a memo is signed the printed name block is
usually omitted.
• Single topic. The memo does deal with a single topic, namely a
reissue and update of an existing policy. The single nature of the
memo could have been underscored by the use of transition words
and phrases.
• Graphics. The five elements of the employment philosophy and
policy are indented and could also be numbered for additional
emphasis and ease of reference later. In addition, memos are usu-
ally aligned left on the page rather than justified left and right as
done here. Bulleted or numbered lists should use parallelism, that
is, beginning each entry with the same part of speech.
Organization revisions
• Introduction. This memo did not open effectively because it was
writer-based instead of reader-based. This is revealed in two areas.
First, it opens with all Is and no yous. In addition, it took four
paragraphs to expand its subject line into a clearly stated central
idea. What needs to be frontloaded or stated directly can be done
in one or at most two paragraphs.
• Development. There is a logical pattern of development based on
chronology, that is, past, present, and future. There is also an
implied problem–analysis–solution pattern at work, which could
be more effectively organized.
• Conclusion. The last paragraph refers back to the subject of the
memo, but might have more impact if a time frame were included.
Here is how this information memo would read if all the suggested
revisions were followed.
Today we are reissuing the Equal Employment Policy statement that you
received on November 11, 1999. As you will recall, that statement covering
present employees and new job applicants specifically referred to promo-
tion and compensation, and other terms, conditions, and privileges of
employment important to all of us.
You can count on the Vice President of Human Resources to work with you
in maintaining employment procedures consistent with this philosophy
and policy.
We will review the success of this policy at our May 1st meeting in
Houston.
Charles J. DeTore
CREATING FRONTLOADED REQUEST AND REPLY
MEMOS
Request and reply memos form the next category of routine, internal
business communication. They achieve their purpose best when they
are frontloaded or direct. However, reply memos that deny or refuse
requests may be backloaded. This may be advisable when political or
diplomatic wisdom suggests an indirect or deferred pattern.
Typical requests are for information, suggestions, ideas, favors, and
permission to change procedures. Reply memos are commonly used to
approve requests and clarify policies and procedures.
Writing and Revising Neutral and Good News Memos 135
Thinking stage.
1. I have already issued some memos about progress on the Master
Plan construction and improvements projects. I think I also saw a
University letter about this. She seems to get irritated when I keep
calling to ask additional information.
2. I’m still getting questions from big alumni donors, the press,
faculty union, and students groups about parts of the projects that
I can’t answer clearly.
3. I need to get her to realize that additional clarification and prog-
ress reports are needed on an ongoing basis.
4. If I am successful with my requests both of us will be better off.
Central idea. Embodies the purpose of the memo. The central idea
first appears in condensed form in the subject line. Then it is stated more
fully in the opening paragraph of a frontloaded memo.
Robert Holinshed, the Media Director’s central idea will be: “I would
like to receive a complete update on the status of the construction and
renovation projects going on.”
The informal list. With this central idea clearly in mind, he makes a
list of my key points, as well as the reasons and examples that might
express his central idea. Then he’ll narrow the list down to the reasons
and examples that will most clearly convey his central idea to Cecilia
York, his primary audience.
10. What is the construction schedule for the new University Cen-
ter? ✓
11. Garage opening date? Number of spaces? ✓
Buildings
1. Opening date of new residence halls already built?
2. Completion date of the ones still under construction?
3. Construction schedule for the new University Center?
Recreational facilities
1. Recreational facilities: those in Alumni Hall? The tennis “bubble”?
Academic facilities
1. New construction? Existing facilities change or expansion?
Closing. The final paragraph refers the reader back to the central
idea of the opening and directs her toward some mental and physical
action.
{
Picks up the subject line preview of request
INTRODUCTION
Expands the subject line into a fully stated
central idea
DEVELOPMENT
{ Makes specific requests
Gives reasons for specific requests
TO: CeciliaYork
Chief Operating Officer
I need much more specific information about the status of all these many
projects, so I have initiated and developed for your perusal a listing of
some of these questions that need to be addressed ASAP prior to the major
summer alumni reunions and before the homecoming weekends as well.
1. Buildings
• Is there a scheduled opening date for the new residence halls that are
undergoing final, finishing touches? If there is, can you tell me what it is so
that I can pass the word and respond with greater clarity to calls and letters?
• I see that the residence halls under construction have a long way to go.
Do you have a completion date for these yet?
• I also need to know more precisely the construction schedule for the
new University Center? When will it be ready?
3. Other facilities
• Matt Barton is particularly interested in recreational facilities, espe-
cially those in Alumni Hall? What can I tell him about that project?
138 Skills of Workplace Communication
• Others have called about the tennis “bubble.” They think it’s been
looking shabby for some time.
• Is there any new construction planned for expanding or changing our
academic facilities?
Time is of the essence, so I really need all of this information very soon.
Getting it quickly will make my job so much easier!
improved. The entries shift between first person and third, be-
tween questions and declarative statements.
• Internal barriers to successful communication. The memo is free of any
direct barriers such as ethnocentrism, sexist or gender biased ex-
pression, and age bias.
Organization revisions:
• Introduction. This memo did not open effectively because it was
writer-based instead of reader-based. In addition to using all Is and
no yous, it took three paragraphs to expand its subject line into a
clearly stated central idea. Instead of its freewheeling narrative
opening it needs to be frontloaded. This means it will state its
central-request idea directly and in no more than two paragraphs.
• Development. There is a logical pattern of development based on
campus space and location. There are also chronological elements
implicit in the phases of construction that could be more effectively
organized.
• Conclusion. The last paragraph refers back to the subject of the memo
but only through the writer’s frame of reference. The conclusion
would have more impact if a mutual or shared time frame were
suggested with a polite request. This would replace the insincere
cliché ending “Thank you for your attention and consideration.”
Here is how this request memo would read if all the suggested
revisions were followed. It contains 278 words instead of the original
403 words. The revised memo is not simply shorter; it is more concise,
more specific, and more effective.
Following is a revised version of this request memo:
MADISON UNIVERSITY
Can you find a moment in your busy schedule to give me a status report
on the many projects underway on the Madison campus? I have provided
140 Skills of Workplace Communication
four areas of construction and renovation that I wish to update for press
releases and alumni association fund-raising events.
1. Buildings
• What is the scheduled opening date for the two nearly completed
residence halls on Woodland Road?
• Is there a projected opening date for the residence halls on Summit
Avenue? Since the groundbreaking occurred only last month, I realize
this opening is far off. However, your best guess at this point would be
welcome.
• Is the groundbreaking for the new University Center still planned for
October?
3. Academic facilities
• Is there any new construction planned for expanding or changing our
academic facilities?
4. Recreational facilities
• Will Alumni Hall undergo any renovation or expansion?
• Will the tennis “bubble” be improved or replaced?
Can I look forward to your update in time for my meetings with our top
area fund-raisers on July 7th? Perhaps we could go together to some of
these events.
Robert Holinshed
P.S. Yesterday, I had a call from Matt Barton ‘87, Chair of the Chicago
Alumni Association. His people have been great fund-raisers for Madison.
He is anxious to work with us on spreading the exciting news of the Master
Plan’s progress!
Thinking stage.
1. I already issued some memos and the university published a letter
about progress on the Master Plan construction and renovation
projects just two months ago. I’ll just refer him to that April letter.
Writing and Revising Neutral and Good News Memos 141
2. Bob only joined us in March; the memos and update letter proba-
bly arrived while he was still settling in to his new office. I’ll just
take his memo—it’s well organized and easy to respond to—and
reply point by point.
The informal list. With my central idea clearly in mind I’ll make a
list of the key points of my memo. I already decided that Robert’s memo
was well organized, so I’ll key in my replies to his requests. I’ve already
got a narrowed down list to work with.
Closing. The final paragraph will refer Robert back to my central idea
and respond to his action information requests.
Following is the first draft of a frontloaded, direct reply memo:
Madison University
Here is an overview of the plan with reference to the points you raised in
your June 14 memo.
1. Buildings
• The scheduled opening date for the two nearly completed residence
halls on Woodland Road is Labor Day of this year. They were designed
142 Skills of Workplace Communication
3. Academic facilities
• No new construction is planned at this time for expanding or chang-
ing the University’s academic facilities. You might recall that the
University expanded both the library and computer lab hours only
this past January. And last year the University completely refur-
bished some of the older classroom buildings that had gotten some-
what shabby.
4. Recreational facilities
• Alumni Hall will not be expanded but it will undergo renovation. We
haven’t reached a time framework on this one as of now. But at some
point in time, and sooner rather than later, we hope to have some more
concrete information for the community.
• The tennis “bubble” seems to have been troubling people for the past
year or so. We first thought about trying to spruce it up a bit, but upon
additional reflection thought it best to replace the entire thing.
I hope this response has been helpful to you and that it will also help with
your fund-raisers on July 7th? As far as attending some with you, that was
a very kind thought. I’ll have to get back to you on that.
Formatting revisions:
• Headings. The subject line of this memo could be more precise. Its
subject is actually a reply to a June 14 request for the status of the
construction and renovation projects of the Master Plan. If memo
is unsigned, the sender’s name should be initialed.
Writing and Revising Neutral and Good News Memos 143
• Single topic. Cecilia’s memo does deal with a single topic, namely,
the various construction projects underway and already com-
pleted. But the opening paragraph doesn’t contain a frontloaded
expansion of the subject line, namely, that she is complying with
Robert’s request.
The memo digresses into architectural design details that appear
to interest the writer but are not part of the information update that
Robert Holinshed requested.
• Graphics. The reply is based on a point-by-point answer to a well-
organized numbered list.
Organization revisions
• Introduction. This memo would have been more effective if it ex-
tended its opening and made a more precise frontloaded reply
statement.
• Development. There is a logical pattern of development based on
campus space and location, which follows Robert Holinshed’s
original request memo.
• Conclusion The last paragraph refers back to only one part of the
action information closing of the request memo.
Below is how this request memo would read if all the suggested
revisions were followed. It contains 268 words instead of the original
144 Skills of Workplace Communication
454 words. The revised memo is not simply shorter; it is more concise
yet more specific. In addition, it is more effective because it is reader-
based and emphasizes shared goals.
Below is the revised direct reply memo:
MADISON UNIVERSITY
1. Buildings
• The scheduled opening date for the two residence halls on Woodland
Road is Labor Day of this year.
• The projected opening date for the residence halls on Summit Avenue
is Labor Day 2001.
• The groundbreaking for the new University Center is planned for this
October.
3. Academic facilities
• Library and computer labs will enjoy extended hours beginning Labor
Day. Renovation of academic facilities was completed last year.
4. Recreational facilities
• Alumni Hall will undergo renovation. Facilities will be enhanced, hours
will be extended, the building made more accessible.
• The tennis “bubble” will be replaced with a large one to handle indoor
basketball and volleyball.
Writing and Revising Neutral and Good News Memos 145
I hope this response has been complete and that it will also help you speak
with pride of our new facilities at the fund-raisers in July. They are so
important to all of us at Madison.
I will be happy to attend some of these vital events with you. Let’s meet
in my office on Monday at 2:00 P.M. to agree on a schedule of my partici-
pation.
1. Information from the reader’s perspective: What are the facts or issues,
as my reader will recall them?
2. Persuasion: Could our memories differ? Precisely how?
3. Changes or results: How do I bring my reader’s recollection to agree
with mine?
4. Good will or public relations: What do we do together now to reach
our shared goal?
146 Skills of Workplace Communication
Confirmation memo situation: Mark David Oxton and his district man-
ager, Catherine C. Frank, discussed Mark’s promotion to Status III
Marketing Track at length on Thursday, April 4. Catherine has decided
to send a memo to Mark confirming the key points they discussed about
his new status at Augustus International, an executive services com-
pany headquartered in Boston.
Thinking stage.
1. The discussions and decision-making process were unusually
long with Mark.
2. Mark joined us in November 1996. He was very disappointed that
he didn’t get this promotion in 1999. There were reports that he
was looking elsewhere for new opportunities.
Central idea. The primary purpose of this memo is to confirm the oral
discussion of the preceding day. But Catherine will also seek to reassure
Mark about his value to their company. She will do this in a direct,
frontloaded memo.
My central idea is: “This is a confirmation of our discussion of your
new status and privileges at Augustus International.”
The informal list. With the central idea as her focal point, Catherine
makes a list of the key points of the planned memo. Then she narrows
the list down to the reasons and examples that will most clearly convey
her central idea to Mark, her primary audience.
Closing. The final paragraph will refer Mark back to the central idea
of his new status and include the offer of assistance whenever he needs
it.
{
line preview
INTRODUCTION
Our oral discussion. Expands subject line into
a central idea
148 Skills of Workplace Communication
AUGUSTUS INTERNATIONAL
Often in fast-growing operations like ours we have to stop and take stock
of our direction and progress. So, with those types of goals in mind I am
writing to you today to remind you of the matters that we discussed
previous to the present memo.
1. The first thing we discussed was your achievement of a new and higher
status in our company, namely, that of Stage III of the Executive Services
Marketing Track as evidenced by your 1999 Executive Services Prog-
ress Report. I wish to take this opportunity to congratulate you at this
time for this achievement and the new title that goes with it.
2. Finally, you are entitled to partake in the Executive Services Exclusive
Lead Generation Program. I know how you have anxiously awaited this
opportunity.
3. I am happy to say that as a result of this new status we will assign you
leads as set forth in the Program Procedural Guide.
4. I am equally pleased to advise that we will be enrolling you in the Proxy
Delivery Program for your exclusive lead assignments.
5. Enclosed herewith you will find the Proxy Delivery Procedural Guide.
6. You may use your new title on all your business cards and stationery.
7. Your Stage III status will continue for one year.
8. At the termination of said period of time you will be re-evaluated based
upon the criteria as set forth in the Executive Series Marketing Track,
which is in keeping with company policy.
Writing and Revising Neutral and Good News Memos 149
Catherine
Organization revisions
• Introduction. This memo will open more effectively if it builds on
the subject line and makes a more precise frontloaded reply state-
ment.
• Development. The intended pattern of development based on order
of importance would be clearer and easier to follow if the entries
in the numbered list were reduced and regrouped.
• Conclusion. The last paragraph should refer back to a good-news
opening. A more personal, less clichéd conclusion would have
ended the memo on a firmer, more vigorous note of shared goals.
Instead of the typed name, the memo writer should close with a
signature or simply initial her name on the “FROM” line.
Here is how this request memo would read if all the suggested
revisions were followed. It contains 191 words instead of the original
324 words. The revised memo is not simply shorter; it is more concise
yet more specific. In addition, it is more effective because it is reader-
based and emphasizes shared goals.
Below is the revised confirmation memo.
AUGUSTUS INTERNATIONAL
1. Your new status, based on your 1999 Executive Services Progress Re-
port, carries with it the title of Executive Services Consultant. You may
use your new title on all your business cards and stationery.
2. You are entitled to take part in the Executive Services Exclusive Lead
Generation Program.
Writing and Revising Neutral and Good News Memos 151
Executive Services is ready to assist you in your new role. We look forward
to a profitable future together.
If you agree that this memo summarizes our discussion yesterday, please
initial a copy and return it to me.
Enclosures
13
In the good old days a king would order the messenger who
brought bad news killed. Such drastic action, of course, didn’t
change the message. It was still bad news. Today we don’t kill the
messengers, but we do resent the senders of hostile, ill-phrased, and
insensitive messages.
Communicating bad news is one of the most difficult tasks in busi-
ness writing. A subordinate asks for a raise, that you cannot approve.
An unqualified job seeker requests an appointment to discuss a position
with your company, a community organization asks for a contribution
which you do not wish to grant. You decide you must let a good worker
go because intense competition demands cutbacks.
Even in good times bad news sometimes has to be delivered. But it
doesn’t have to be delivered badly. Here are three guidelines we can all
follow whenever we have to be the messengers of bad news.
With these guidelines in mind, the type of bad news message that will
work best for each situation can be chosen: the indirect bad news
message that defers or backloads the bad news or the direct bad news
message that frontloads the bad news. What will also help your decision
is stopping to reflect on the ages and stages of all successful communi-
cation.
Organization. Bad news memos like all forms of business writing can
have their ideas arranged in a reader-based structure by selecting one
of the following patterns of development. The ones checked are usually
the best patterns for delivering negative news.
• Chronological ✓
• Spatial
• Logical
1. Cause and effect ✓
2. Comparison-contrast
3. Classification and division
4. Illustration
5. Problem–analysis–solution ✓
6. Order of importance
about people and issues. This method is often a good choice whenever
we seek to achieve one or more of the following results: an ongoing
relationship with the receiver of the bad news or a continuing
projection of the writer as a caring individual. The key element in
the indirect pattern is placing the central idea at a latter stage in the
memo. This doesn’t mean that we leave our readers completely in
the dark at the beginning of such a document. It means that we get
to the bad news gradually and objectively.
Five degrees or methods of embedding the bad news:
1. By deferring it until a later paragraph of the document
2. By placing it toward the end of that chosen paragraph
3. By putting it in the subordinate clause of a complex sentence
4. By expressing it in the passive voice of the verb
5. By not stating it at all, but simply implying it.
{
Thanks. Cues receiver’s mental and physical
CONCLUSION action elsewhere in the near term but back to
the sender in the long term.
Subject line. State the general area of the main idea with neutral,
objective, unemotional language in the subject line.
2. Remain confident that your decision was correct. Don’t refer back
to the bad news or apologize. Apologizing suggests doubt in the
wisdom of your decision.
3. Avoid clichéd endings that may only prolong the unpleasantness.
Closing with expressions such as, “If there are any further ques-
tions, please do not hesitate to call me” will probably appear
insincere anyway.
4. Suggest alternatives or some other face-saving proposals. Thank
your reader again for the past idea or contact. Point to possible
shared goals in the future.
Subject line. Use the subject line to introduce the main point of the
memo with language that is calm, objective, and neutral. The expression
or word choice may be more forceful than in an indirect bad news
message, but it shouldn’t cross the line into confrontation or accusa-
tions. This will only make a difficult situation worse.
Expand the subject line quickly. The reader strongly believes that he
or she is correct or justified in seeking what either asked for. This is
another reason why bad news messages should be especially careful to
Writing and Revising Negative News Memos 159
have been very amicable. This is the first request she or any senior
manager has received to exempt warehouse employees from the com-
pany dress code.
Below is Beverly’s deferred or indirect negative news memo as first
written.
MEMORANDUM
Here are some of my thoughts and conclusions on this subject. They were
reached at a special meeting yesterday that I asked your representatives
to attend. I regret to say that not all accepted my invitation. Here are the
reasons that we decided to maintain the aforementioned dress code as it
presently exists.
1. The company issued uniforms to you that were designed for the positive
appearance they make. Don’t forget that some of your own officers were
on the committee that approved them.
2. We have many visitors and customers who tour all parts of our facility
including the front office, shipping, and also including our warehouse.
As you are aware, they come from many parts of our city and country.
Some even visit from overseas from counties such as Germany, Ireland,
and Jordan.
3. A few of these same visitors have commented favorably on the appearance
of company personnel. I’m sure the dress code was the reason for this.
4. Remember that a dress code is enforced to make certain that employees
maintain an image that is a reflection of the professional statement we
make as a company.
I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that the specific details
of our company’s policy are stated in the employee handbook. Please
study your handbook again.
Organization revisions
• Introduction. Open the memo with an expression of appreciation
following a more neutral subject line.
• Development. The intended pattern of development, cause and
effect, would be clearer and easier to follow if the entries in the
numbered list were shortened and rearranged.
• Conclusion. The last paragraph would be more likely to achieve the
memo’s goals if it expressed appreciation for the warehouse
group’s request and made note of shared goals.
Below is how this request memo would read if all the suggested
revisions were followed. It contains 189 words instead of the original
285 words. The revised memo is not simply shorter; it is clearer and
162 Skills of Workplace Communication
MEMORANDUM
Thanks very much for forwarding your suggestions for changes in our
company’s dress code. Our company values employees’ participation and
proposals.
Here are our thoughts and conclusions on this subject. They were reached
at a special meeting yesterday.
• We have many visitors and customers who tour all parts of our facility,
including our warehouse. As you are aware, they come from many parts
of our city and country. Some even visit from overseas.
• Your image is a reflection of the professional statement we make as a
company. Many visitors have commented favorably on the appearance
of company personnel.
• Your company-issued uniforms were designed with your comfort in
mind and by a committee in which two of your officers participated.
For all of these reasons it was decided at our meeting yesterday to continue
the dress code as it currently exists. The specific details of our company’s
policy are stated in the Employee Handbook, which you have all received.
ship, which has revived the dress code issue. They have frequently
violated the code themselves. Recently, when Global scheduled a tour
for major clients, Beverly noticed employees with see-through tops,
baseball caps, and otherwise out of uniform.
Below is Beverly’s direct bad news memo in its first draft.
MEMORANDUM
All drivers and workers who have been issued uniforms are expected to
be in uniform and properly attired during business hours."
Organization revisions
• Introduction. Beginning the memo on a note of appreciation for the
employees’ suggestions coupled with a more specific but diplo-
matic subject line would earn the writer a more receptive audience.
• Development. A general-to-specific pattern of development would
be effective in conjunction with a numbered list.
• Conclusion. The last paragraph should express appreciation for
the warehouse group’s request and take note of shared goals.
Below is how this reply denial memo would read if all the suggested
revisions were followed. It contains 111 words instead of the original
155 words. It is not simply shorter, it is clearer and more courteous. And
it achieves this in a firm and direct manner.
MEMORANDUM
Thank you for forwarding your most recent suggestions for changes in our
company’s dress code. Their merits were given careful consideration.
Global Bonded Couriers’ dress code, however, remains in effect.
Writing and Revising Negative News Memos 165
In many ways letters tell even more about us personally and profession-
ally than do memos. By their very nature they travel far outside our
workplace and reveal much about our temperament and expertise. The
form and expression we use in our letters can often predict their success
or failure in reaching the goals we set for them.
Like memos, letters are sent through three channels: hard copy, fax,
and e-mail. They are almost always external, horizontal communica-
tions sent out to customers, suppliers, government agencies, and the
general public.
Like memos, letters must sometimes convey neutral or good news
and other times negative or bad news. This chapter will demonstrate
how to write and revise a variety of neutral to positive letters. These
will include typical request/reply as well as persuasive letters for the
following needs:
Unlike memos, letters are more formal in style and tone. Like all
effective communication, however, their goal is always to be courteous
and positive in tone.
168 Skills of Workplace Communication
Business and government agency letters that follow the writing prin-
ciples analyzed in Part II, especially the triple plays of Chapter 6 for
reader-based communication, are more likely to achieve their goals.
start and that the remaining ideas are subordinated to it. Chapter 6
contains an outlining method that is useful for separating the main and
subordinate ideas.
Paul Sullivan
30 Benning Road
Fairfield, CT 12045
Bunky Marsden
Chairperson, Historic Preservation Committee
Writing and Revising Neutral or Positive News Letters 173
Town of Leeds
30 Main Street
Leeds, MA 02661
Sincerely,
Paul Sullivan
Paul Sullivan
30 Benning Road
Fairfield, CT 12045
Bunky Marsden
Chairperson, Historic Preservation Committee
Writing and Revising Neutral or Positive News Letters 175
Town of Leeds
30 Main Street
Leeds, MA 02661
Dear Chairperson:
Please provide building and renovations guidelines for the Leeds Historic
Preservation District. I plan to purchase an early Victorian home at 10
Eaton’s Lane in your beautiful village. The house has been quite neglected
for many years and will need extensive renovation. I’ve enclosed a photo
of the house so that you’ll know the property.
Sincerely,
Paul Sullivan
Paul Sullivan
Enclosure
DEVELOPMENT
{ Send these things. Gives the specific order list
At these prices. In a numbered list
Total Supplies
35 Wrigley Road
Chicago, IL 63015
I need supplies as soon as possible for our new office in Chicago. You may
not have heard of us, but Torres, Smith, and Co. is the fastest growing
executive search firm in the entire Midwestern area. I saw many of the
items we need in your weekly newspaper circular.
I need these items STAT. Therefore, I have enclosed a check for the full
amount. If there are any shipping charges or other fees involved in ship-
ping this order, just bill Torres, Smith, and Co.
Sincerely,
Melanie De Havilland
Purchasing
ag
Formatting
Elements of the format needing change are noted with ✕s.
1. Letterhead or return address
2. Date line
3. Inside address
4. Salutation or greeting ✕
5. Optional subject line
6. Body or paragraphs
7. Complimentary close ✕
8. Signature ✕
9. Writer’s printed name ✕
10. Reference initials ✕
11. Enclosure line ✕
12. Copy line
Salutation or greeting. “To whom it may concern” is cold, outdated,
and bypasses the reader. Call and find out the name of the person in
shipping or use a title such as Shipping Manager.
The writer of the letter might have given more thought to the tomor-
row of all business communication. She has told Total Supplies to bill
her company for any additional fees. It’s better in such a situation to
ask the shipper to call first about any additional fees.
Below is a revised example of an order letter in full block style. Not
only are there 101 words instead of 140, but the revised letter is clearer
and more courteous.
Please send by Express Mail the following supplies from your May 22
Chicago Register advertisement.
Your shipping this order as quickly as possible will help us open our new
office by June 1st. Our check for $742.39 is enclosed. If there are any
additional charges please call me at the above number.
Writing and Revising Neutral or Positive News Letters 179
Sincerely,
Melanie De Havilland
Melanie De Havilland
Purchasing
MDH:ag
Enclosure
Below is the first draft of the claim letter using the simplified letter
format.
ASTRAL TECHNOLOGIES
2100 Astral Avenue
Austin, TX 78710
You and I met in January and supposedly finalized all the arrangements
for our marketing forum as set forth in the enclosed copy of contract. You
assured me that the renovations, which were going on that time, would be
completely finished before my group arrived. You also guaranteed that the
finished rooms and conference center would be “finer and more beautiful
than anywhere I had ever been in America.”
The closing night banquet was very disappointing due to unauthorized, last
minute menu changes, shortage of staff, and problems with air-conditioning.
Your people assigned many rooms to my people that could only be described
as Third World in condition. Rugs were soiled, bathrooms were not properly
cleaned, and the furniture outside on the balconies was dirty. To show you
Writing and Revising Neutral or Positive News Letters 181
that this is not the product of an “overly refined sensitivity,” as one of your
assistants had the temerity to suggest, I have enclosed photographs docu-
menting the truth of what I said. One last thing - the promised amenities
were nowhere to be found in many of the bathroom accommodations.
Subsequent to my remonstrances some of these were provided.
Finally, the installation of the carpeting in the conference center could only
be described as a “work in progress” when we arrived, which can be seen
in the enclosed photographs.
Because you failed to provide the level of comfort and convenience that
was agreed to in January, as evidenced by the aforementioned failures, I
am herewith demanding a refund in full.
Sincerely yours,
Jack W. Gostin
Forum Coordinator
JWG: cl
Enclosures (five photographs)
Formatting
1. Letterhead or return address
2. Date line
3. Inside address
4. Salutation or greeting ✕
5. Optional subject line
6. Body or paragraphs ✕
7. Complimentary close ✕
8. Signature ✕
9. Writer’s printed name ✕
10. Reference initials
11. Enclosure line ✕
12. Copy line
Salutation or greeting. The simplified letter format does away with the
traditional greeting line.
Body or paragraphs. The development of the letter would be more
effectively organized using the chronological pattern with illustration
or examples. This will make the sequence and seriousness of the prob-
lems encountered by Astral Technology clearer and easier to follow.
182 Skills of Workplace Communication
ASTRAL TECHNOLOGIES
2100 Astral Avenue
Austin, TX 78710
requirements of our contract signed January 18, 2000. Please note the problems
experienced from the March 16th early arrivals to the March 20th checkouts.
1. The 70 guests who arrived March 16th at 4:00 PM as scheduled were kept
waiting two hours while their rooms were readied.
2. The poolside reception did not open at 4:00 PM as scheduled, but at 6:00 PM.
3. Forty-seven guests experienced soiled carpeting in their rooms and
unclean furniture on their balconies.
4. Thirty-eight guest bathrooms were not supplied with the agreed amen-
ities until I complained personally to the Concierge Desk.
5. The conference center, far from being “one of the most beautiful business
facilities in America” as promised in the forum brochure, was still being
carpeted the morning of our opening meeting.
6. The closing night banquet was very disappointing due to unauthorized,
last-minute menu changes such as substituting flounder for Florida
Pompano and round steak for Chateaubriand. There were also many
complaints of poor service and inadequate air conditioning.
The Golden Palmetto Resort and Conference Center clearly failed to fulfill the
terms of the enclosed contract. I personally brought items one, two, and six to
your attention as they happened. The enclosed photographs clearly
demonstrate the problems listed above in items three, four, and five.
For these reasons I am submitting this claim to you for a partial refund of
$21,750. This amount is expected by April 10.
Jack W. Gostin
Jack W. Gostin
Forum Coordinator
JWG: cl
Enclosures (five photographs, one contract)
2. State the good news positive reply in the opening sentence of the
introductory paragraph.
3. Give the specifics answers, point by point, to your reader’s re-
quests for information or action in the development or body of the
letter.
4. Conclude in a friendly and personal manner. Refer back to the
good news of the opening paragraph. Extend an offer of additional
information, if the reader needs or desires it.
When selecting a provider from the directory, please call the toll-free
Mental Health and Substance Abuse number listed on the back of your
Hellespont ID card to get precertification. (Precertification means that the
mental health and/or substance abuse service was approved in advance
by Hellespont’s Behavioral Health Care Management Program.) Except in
the case of an emergency condition, members must obtain precertification.
When you call the toll-free number, you will speak with a trained mental
health counselor who will precertify the necessary services and refer you
to an appropriate provider.
Remember that under the terms of your contract, any and all mental health
and substance abuse services must be received from Hellespont network
providers. If you have any questions about mental health and substance
abuse services, please call the number on the back of your ID card.
Sincerely,
To select a provider from the directory, please use the following procedure.
1. Call the toll-free Mental Health and Substance Abuse number, 1-888-
444-9000, listed on the back of your Hellespont ID card to get pre-
certification. (Precertification means that the mental health and/or
Writing and Revising Neutral or Positive News Letters 187
Please remember that under the terms of your contract, all mental health
and substance abuse services must be received from Hellespont network
providers. If you have any other questions, please call the same toll-free
number, 1-888-444-9000. Our trained professionals are ready to help you
24 hours a day, every day.
Sincerely,
Linda Hamilton
Linda Hamilton, M.D.
Vice President
Senior Medical Director
Enclosure
Since it is easier to retain customers than find new ones and since
we live in such a litigious age, most businesses grant adjustments
whenever possible. In granting adjustments the writer follows reader-
based guidelines such as the following in the form and content of
the letter:
188 Skills of Workplace Communication
• Use the direct, frontloaded pattern, that is, give the good news
immediately in the opening sentence.
• Avoid negative thought and language. Don’t apologize and ex-
press regret about the situation. Nothing is achieved by rehashing
old news and reopening old wounds. Don’t fix blame or question
customers’ motives in seeking adjustments. You have decided to
right the wrong, probably at some immediate expense to your
business. If you do it begrudgingly, you might end up losing the
customer as well.
• Close on a forward looking note, namely, future business.
Situation: John Petersen, proprietor of a wholesale flooring com-
pany, has received a claim letter for the replacement of wood floors
his company installed four months earlier. The job was done in a
prime building in which he had wanted to do business for some
time.
The letter states that the prefabricated parquet squares have begun to
buckle in 3 of the 12 rooms where they were laid, because they were of
“inferior quality.” It also states that the workers sent on this job were
inexperienced and “obviously rushed” by the foreman to complete the
job quickly. Mr. Petersen decides to swallow the loss now and replace
the flooring, even though the customer did not take his spoken advice
about its suitability for the humid climate.
Yes, I’ll happily. Picks up the subject or
INTRODUCTION { purpose
Approve your claim. Expands purpose into a
full central idea
{
possibilities
CONCLUSION
We’re always here. Cues desired mental and
physical action
Below is the first version of John Petersen’s adjustment grant letter
using the indented format.
January 5, 2000
Sincerely,
John Petersen
President
JP: rh
2. Date line
3. Inside address
4. Salutation or greeting
5. Optional subject line ✕
6. Body or paragraphs ✕
7. Complimentary close
8. Signature
9. Writer ’s printed name
10. Reference initials
11. Enclosure line ✕
12. Copy line
Subject line: A subject line is optional but needed in a case like this
when both parties deal with many projects each day. It could also be
used to focus the reader immediately on the favorable reply the writer
has ready.
Body or paragraphs: A positive reply adjustment letter such as this
would be more effectively organized using a combination of chronolog-
ical and cause–effect order to help the reader focus on the sequence of
events that caused the problems to occur. The concluding paragraph
would be more effective with a more positive and specific action infor-
mation closing.
Enclosure line. This is needed for the two brochures mentioned in the
third paragraph.
January 5, 2000
You have been a valued customer of Petersen Estate Flooring for many
years, and we will be happy to replace the flooring in the solariums and
breakfast rooms on the eleventh through the twentieth floor apartments of
Chatsworth Towers at no expense to you.
The materials were of the highest quality oak available today. The
installation was done by the most experienced craftsmen using time-hon-
ored traditions of old-world craftsmanship.
I am ready to start the flooring replacement project immediately. Will
the following schedule be convenient for you and the affected shareholders
at Chatsworth Towers?
1. The week of January 20th: remove and replace flooring on the eleventh
through the fifteenth floors.
2. The week of January 30th: remove and replace flooring on the sixteenth
through the twentieth floors.
For the new building being constructed on Lake Avenue you may wish
to consider the marble and tile flooring that we import from Europe. It is
shown in the enclosed brochures. Or you may wish to view samples at our
Via Mizner showroom.
Please let me know if the schedule proposed above is convenient. I will
be happy to schedule the flooring replacement differently, if you so
request.
Sincerely,
John Petersen
John Petersen
President
192 Skills of Workplace Communication
Situation: Robert Shaw, the Principal of the Oak Hill School for Children
with Special Needs has received an evaluation request for Marilyn
Giglia from William Colon of The Independent School in San Jose,
California. Ms. Giglia, who worked with Mr. Shaw for seven years, has
applied for a position at The Independent School.
Yes, I’ll be happy to. Picks up the purpose or
INTRODUCTION
{ subject line
Do what you asked. Expands purpose into a
full central idea
Below is the first draft of a direct personnel reply letter using the
simplified letter format.
Writing and Revising Neutral or Positive News Letters 193
May 4, 2000
Since joining the staff seven years ago, Marilyn Giglia has proven herself
to be a teacher of exceptional quality and competence. Although concen-
trating in the area of English at all levels, she has also taught a variety of
subjects including science, history, and health. All these were taught with
advanced preparation, motivation and an understanding of the compo-
nents necessary to present the information to a heterogeneous grouping of
emotionally disturbed students.
Ms. Giglia attends to everything she does in a warm, open, supportive and
compassionate way. The youngsters with whom she deals recognize this
and not only tend to perform well for her, but seek her out as an adult who
they can trust, confide in and seek advice from. At the same time Ms. Giglia
runs her room in this manner, she is also able to set very clear limits as to
what is acceptable and what is not, and will seek out help from a supervi-
sor when she feels that a situation has gone far enough and a youngster
needs to leave the classroom. I have noted and expressed with amazement
and pleasure that almost every time I have entered her room, despite the
“hectic chaos” which might be going on all around Oak Hill on a “normal”
day, Ms. Giglia’s class is present, quiet, books open and a productive class
session is under way. In addition, Ms. Giglia will not let a youngster “slip
by” but will follow them up, be it school work or behavior and see to it
that they know that she cares enough to “stay on their case” about the
issue.
Ms. Giglia has always been an enthusiastic, caring and supportive member
of the staff. She has always done more than her share on staff functions,
with school Special Event activities and in general, it is comforting to know
that one can always count on her for help and support on any activity or
situation. An example at the moment, is her current support for graduating
seniors, in the absence of Mr. Harrison, by helping them fill out college
applications and doing some of the follow-up work necessary to complete
plans after graduation. She also recently set up two substitute teachers in
preparation for their teaching two English classes while the regular teacher
was out on sick leave.
194 Skills of Workplace Communication
WC: nb
Formatting
In the following list, areas that can be improved are highlighted with
✕s.
May 4, 2000
Here are my responses to your inquiries about Marilyn Giglia. For your
convenience, they are listed in the same order as your letter.
William Colon
WILLIAM COLON, PRINCIPAL. THE OAK HILL SCHOOL
nb
15
Writing and Revising
Indirect or Deferred-Load
Letters For Negative News,
Persuasion, and Sales
WritingIndirectorDeferred-LoadLetters
news or persuasive and sales letters. It does mean that we get to the
central idea of the letter gradually but deliberately.
Conclusion
Bad news letters and persuasive letters both use the indirect method
of presentation and development but differ in the function of their
concluding paragraphs. The negative-news letter ends with a statement
of feeling; the persuasive or sales letter ends with a call to action.
Purpose
The primary purposes of negative-news letters are similar to those of
indirect memos:
How successfully we achieve these purposes will affect not only our
primary audience, the targeted receiver of the message, but also our
secondary audience. These are the unknown numbers of people who
will learn of the news and how we delivered it to our primary audience.
The relative degree of bad news will determine just how indirectly
we craft our message. There are five degrees or methods of embedding
the bad news. The following list is in increasing order of indirectness,
from least to most indirect. While you will always use the first method,
deferring the bad news to a later paragraph, you may not always feel it
necessary to go to the higher levels of indirectness. Whether you do will
be a factor of your review of the yesterday, today, and tomorrow of each
situation. Whichever level you choose, always use positive language to
convey negative news.
Five Ways to backload or soften negative news:
Subject line and central idea. Write the purpose or central idea in one
clear sentence. Even when it will not be used explicitly in the optional
subject line, it is the first step in limiting the message to a single topic
and organizing the message.
Development or body. Ease into the subject line gradually. Follow the
principles of writing a reader-based document. Writers of bad news
letters need to show that they are aware of and have considered their
readers’ opinions, even as they lead the reader to a different conclusion
that writer and reader can both share.
Conclusion. The care you have taken in delivering the negative news
indirectly should carry over into the conclusion. The more unwelcome
the news you have given your reader, the more important it is to end
on a pleasant, courteous note. Most of all avoid any suggestion that the
matter is still open for discussion.
• Extend best wishes or, depending on the situation, suggest other
avenues that your reader might pursue.
Writing Indirect or Deferred-Load Letters 201
• Remain confident that your decision was correct. Don’t refer back
to the bad news or apologize. Apologizing suggests doubt in the
wisdom of your decision.
• Avoid clichéd endings that may only prolong the unpleasantness.
The decision has been made. Closing with expressions such as, “If
there are any further questions, please do not hesitate to call me,”
will probably appear formulaic and hollow at this point.
• Remember that even negative news can be presented with reader
benefits and shared goals in mind. If nothing else, the shared goal
is to leave the bad news behind and move on.
Tone
What causes the loss of customers is often not the denial of the claim
but the way it was handled. The respondent got as emotionally in-
volved as the claimant did, causing the worst case scenario short of
litigation—an ugly shouting match in public.
The calm, logical thought process outlined above for creating a bad
news letter must be accompanied by similarly cool, dispassionate lan-
guage. Assessing blame, finger pointing, and accusations are neither
wise nor productive. The bad news letter situation is the one case where
writing a reader-based document observes the “you view” by hardly
ever using the you word.
Liya Krikheli
Gloria Coppola
Seven Border Boulevard
Denver, CO 77625
I received your letter explaining your displeasure with the events that took
place during last week’s concert at the Bernheimer Arena. I am unhappy
that you believe I and my organization deliberately deceived you, when I
believe that we tried our best to rectify a rather unpleasant situation. When
the impressario, who scheduled The Battle of the Baritones, informed me
of the inability of his world class stars to perform I investigated the matter.
It turned out that there were many issues of a personal nature as well as
medical ones.
The Bernheimer Arena was never responsible for the singers who were
going to perform at the concert; we just provided the facility and the
advertising of the event.
Somehow upon entering the premises you must have missed all of the
signs. I did not as you claim in your letter have any newspaper advertising
featuring the originally scheduled baritones published the day of the
concert. I was not trying to deceive anyone into believing that the original
concert was going to take place. I was only trying to salvage a bad
situation, and I feel that I made a very genuine, documented effort to
communicate the changed program.
Sincerely,
Debra Simidian
Manager, Advertising and Special Events
DS: ag
204 Skills of Workplace Communication
Below is a more effective version of the claim denial letter using 246
instead of 426 words.
The Bernheimer Arena has been presenting a variety of cultural events for
our community for more than twenty-five years. More than half a million
people have enjoyed many of the great orchestras, folk and classical dance
groups, and vocal artists of the world here in Denver. We have always been
proud of our reputation for accommodating our customers’ wishes and
needs.
Sometimes things occur that are beyond our control. Late last Thursday,
after learning of the sudden indisposition of the three baritones scheduled
to perform on Sunday, we took many steps to advise the public of the
changes.
In keeping with our long-standing policy, refunds are available, and freely
given, until an event begins.
I am enclosing two complimentary passes for a future event. They are valid
for a full year.
We hope to see you enjoying one of the many upcoming events scheduled
at The Bernheimer Arena.
Sincerely,
Debra Simidian
Debra Simidian
Manager, Advertising and Special Events
206 Skills of Workplace Communication
DS: ag
Enclosures (2)
Below is the draft of Ms. Tompson’s full block style decining the
invitation.
February 7, 2000
Dear Piero:
Business pressures on me have been huge. Please don’t get me wrong. I’m
not complaining. The orders for our new materials have just been flooding
in! I can’t wait to show you the new samples.
I truly regret not being able to attend on February 20th. Please forgive me
and let me know when we can meet. Would Milan be good for you after
the trade show is over?
Cordially,
Virginia Thompson
Vice-president, Marketing
VT: tr
February 7, 2000
Dear Piero:
210 Skills of Workplace Communication
On March 10th I will be in Milan for the Spring showings. Please let me
know if you can join me at the Principe di Savoia on March 11th for dinner.
Cordially,
Virginia
Virginia Thompson
VT: tr
Writers of persuasive and sales letters stop to consider the three ages
of all productive business communication and writing:
1. Yesterday. What has my reader’s experience been on this subject in
the past? This applies as much when the reader is a specific known
individual as when the reader is an unknown entity. The yesterday
of persuasion and sales also considers the product you’re selling,
whether it be material or spiritual. Know your product. You will
gain and keep the attention of your reader by what you say about
that product. How will it be useful to your reader? How will it
fulfill their desires?
2. Today. How can I craft my message in a letter today that will bring
about the change I desire in this individual or group? How can I
make my reader buy my product, my idea, my feelings? It’s im-
portant to make your letter friendly and human. Put your person-
ality on paper. Your letter is you speaking. Show by your letter that
you are friendly, knowledgeable, and trustworthy. Connect with
your reader through shared goals. “These things are good for you
and for me. We both need them.”
3. Tomorrow. How can I predict and prevent unintended negative
fallout from my message?
Sales and persuasive letters of their very nature need to be reader-
based. Business and government writers should always think of their
readers, but now more than ever before. The reason for this is that the
reader is thinking “What’s in this for me? Can you prove it? Okay, I’m
open. Show me!”
People will buy goods, services, and ideas if they believe these will
benefit them. The benefits must be concrete and accessible. There’s not
much point in selling ice to an Eskimo. Self-interest is a major factor in
successful sales and persuasion. Even writers of letters for charitable
causes know that there aren’t many absolutely pure altruists around.
Such writers realize that they also must appeal to reader benefits. Call
it selfish or self-interest, but it works.
Three ways of conceiving and constructing letters that sell:
1. Psychological. Get attention, provoke interest, arouse desire, obtain
decision. Attention is natural curiosity focused on something spe-
cific. Interest is understanding what is new and how it relates to
what is old. Desire is the wish to take advantage of the benefits
being offered. Decision is based on confidence in the writer’s
action information closing of the letter.
2. Logical. The second is a more logic-based, deductive formula:
general, specific, conclusion. The writer opens with a statement so
broad and authoritative that no sensible person would dare dis-
212 Skills of Workplace Communication
pute it. Next, he or she shows that this general statement includes
a specific idea. The inevitable conclusion is that what has been said
about the general is also true about the specific.
3. Emotional. The last formula is more earthy: picture, promise,
prove, push. The persuasive writer opens with an attractive, sexy
description of what he or she is selling. Next comes the promise
that it will do wonders for the reader or at least benefit the reader
in some specific way. Then come examples of the product or idea
in real-life use, proving that it has worth. Finally, the persuasive
writer makes the tactical move and urges the reader to take advan-
tage of the promised and proven value.
Each of these three methods for creating an effective persuasive letter
begins with a similar purpose, that is, getting the reader ’s attention.
Here are some ways to achieve this objective.
• Open with an unusual fact or startling statistic: A kangaroo can
cover 30 feet with each jump!
• Begin with a rhetorical or thought provoking question such as: “Do
ostriches really bury their heads in the sand?”
• Start with an anecdote: “Centuries ago in Ireland many couples
were having marital troubles. The elders came up with a solution:
The couple that didn’t quarrel for one year would win a prize—a
side of bacon. Ever since then when one neighbor saw another
bringing home the bacon he knew that all was going very well at
home next door.
• Give the reader a challenge: “You can get a suntan in the shade!”
• Offer a compliment: “Because we value your patience and diplo-
macy, we’d like you to handle this project.”
• Reader benefit: “You can double your reading speed in only ten
days.”
Most people do not want to be told how to run their affairs. The heart
wants what it wants. The tone of such letters, whether selling products
or ideas, should be persuasive rather than insistent and “pushy.” It
should be indirect or backloaded, that is, the central persuasive idea
should be deferred until later in the letter.
In the days of the old American West there was a bit of folkloric
wisdom shared by the cavalry. They said you could push and pull all
you wanted and an old Missouri mule wouldn’t budge. All it took to
get him working for you was to recognize that “he was an individualist
who hated nagging and needed a chance to make up his own mind
about things.”
Writing Indirect or Deferred-Load Letters 213
CONCLUSION
{ You will get this. Obtains reader ’s decision
If you do this. Directs reader’s action
Situation: Sarah Goodspeed has recently taken over a tree and garden
care company. As a professional arborist she especially wants to in-
crease sales of her company’s tree services. Coincidentally, there has
been an increase in a blight affecting linden trees in her area. She has a
new treatment that she is sure will work.
Below is the first draft of her sales letter in the full block style.
Fed up with that brown linden tree? Get it green again for only
$49.!!!
I’m sure that you will agree with everyone else in our area that linden
trees are beautiful specimen trees that can play a prominent part in the
landscape. Unfortunately, as you are no doubt also aware, linden trees
are particularly and increasingly susceptible to a very nasty and poten-
tially deadly pest called Linden Leafwrecker. This notorious blight can
cause under certain adverse conditions unattractive and unsightly
browning early in the summer and, sad to say but true, early dropping
leaves.
214 Skills of Workplace Communication
I can help you avoid this problem by sending out my specialists to your
property to protect and restore your potentially beautiful trees. Yes, believe
me my Linden Leafwrecker Preventative treatment will absolutely cure
this blight. Guaranteed! The treatment will only cost you $49.00 and must
be done by May 20th.
I want to make it easy for you to do this. Call my toll free number
1-888-650-4050 so that I can schedule your timely application of my prod-
uct. Thank you for your business.
Sincerely,
Sarah Goodspeed
Proprietor
effectively on the name of the blight preventative treatment and the low
cost to the customer. This would emphasize the push.
Linden trees are beautiful specimen trees that usually play a prominent
part in the landscape. Unfortunately, linden trees are vulnerable to a nasty
pest called Linden Leafwrecker. This blight causes unsightly early summer
browning and premature leaf dropping.
You can avoid this problem by having our tree specialists protect your
beautiful tress from this pest with our Linden Leafwrecker Preventative
treatment. On average this treatment is only $49.00. For best results this
treatment should be done before May 20th.
To take advantage of this great offer, please call our toll free number,
1-888-650-4050, today and we will schedule a timely application for your
trees. Thank you for your business.
216 Skills of Workplace Communication
Sincerely,
Sarah Goodspeed
Sarah Goodspeed
Proprietor
PS Here’s another great idea for you. If we haven’t already done so, we
will gladly give you a free evaluation of all the ornamental trees and shrubs
on your property when we come out to do this treatment.
IV
Report Writers,
Managers, and Audiences
Reports are a pervasive fact of life on all levels of corporate and gov-
ernmental life. They are the essential, informational glue that holds
large organizations together. They serve many purposes and take many
forms. Some reports are purely informational, giving managers and
other employees many different types of information about company
or agency operations. Others are primarily analytical or persuasive.
Their aim is to study problems and offer solutions, in other words, to
bring about additions or changes in thought and action.
Some reports are internal forms of communication aimed at adding to
or changing policies within an organization. Others are external forms
of communication, for example documents seeking grants or funding.
Reports vary in their complexity or structure. Some are relatively simple
and are presented in the format of interoffice memos using preprinted
forms. Others take the form of letters to clients and government agencies,
while still others are lengthy reports created by teams or groups.
In many ways, the skills needed to write a successful business report
are no different from those required for writing effective memos and
letters. Whatever their length or type, reports follow the triple founda-
tions of all successful business writing.
• Signposts that predict the major points and subpoints: Title, Table of
Contents, Letter of Transmittal, Executive Summary or abstract,
and other headings and subheadings.
• Signposts that summarize or introduce the sections and paragraphs
within sections: thesis statements beginning sections, topic sen-
tences at the start and sentence summaries at the ends of para-
graphs, and finally conclusion or summary sections.
• Signposts that guide the reader visually: varying fonts; using
bullets and numbering; varying formatting with indentation,
spacing, rows, and columns; inserting pictures, graphs, and
tables.
• Signposts that guide the reader verbally: transition words and
phrases, and conjunctions such as “in addition,” “neverthe-
less,” “moreover,” “however,” and “finally”; repetitions, pro-
nouns, and summary nouns.
Will the report uncover facts or suggest courses of action that will
reflect badly or embarrass members of the report audience?
2. Individual qualities refer to the frame of reference of the audience
member, including such things as culture, socioeconomic status,
religion, race, ethnicity, and level of education. The writer should try
to be as specific as possible in this assessment. Just because they come
from the same cultural or ethnic background, the report writer and
audience may not share the same values and attitudes. Similarly, two
people may have attended the same university, but in different eras.
Even 10 years can alter the educational landscape so greatly that the
two fellow graduates really do not have that much in common.
Whether in the humanities or the technical fields, language and
viewpoints often change greatly over time. Two people, who on the
surface seem to have much in common including the same education,
find that they hardly speak the same language.
The flip side of this is that people who do not seem to have much
in common on the surface may actually share the same individual or
personal qualities. As we saw in Chapter 4, dealing with the individ-
ual, as an individual, is always a key factor in true communication.
1. The subject of the report. What is the subject of the report and what
are the qualifications of the author?
2. Its facts and ideas. Does it contain useful knowledge or merely
information? Are its conclusions valid, that is, based on research
and facts?
3. The changes to follow. Are the changes it recommends realistic?
Some of the things managers may want to know more specifically can
be seen in the following categories of probable questions:
Report Purposes,
Formats, and Categories
mendations. The names of the various types of reports indicate both the
purpose and the general subject of the report.
1. Periodic reports. A major form of organizational record keeping,
are routine reports issued on a regularly scheduled basis. Such
reports are often submitted using preprinted forms because the
activities they describe are so consistent that they need the same
amount of space and headings each time.
Preprinted forms are also a good management tool because they
make certain that the required information will always be in-
cluded and that the report will not digress or be needlessly long.
For the report writer the major concern is simply getting the
required information, not the skills of organization and expres-
sion. Using pre-printed forms or not, periodic reports include the
following types:
• Routine supervisory reports. All companies and agencies need a
steady flow of information on their operations to serve as a basis
236 Skills of Workplace Communication
1. The report writer must identify and separate the subject or prob-
lem into its essential parts.
2. The writer has to next examine carefully the individual elements
to determine their significance and relationship to the whole.
Doing this will reveal the important fact that the whole is not
merely the sum of equal parts. It is the sum of parts that must be
put into a logical pattern, known as order of importance: descend-
ing from most important to least, or ascending in climactic order
from least to most important.
3. Finally, the reporter will be able to understand the causes, the key
features, and the possible solutions to a situation or problem.
Types of Proposals
Whether intended for business or government use, a proposal is a
plan for solving a problem or performing an action. Proposals vary
greatly in purpose, form, and length. They are used for internal and
external communications, for vertical and horizontal audiences. They
Report Purposes, Formats, and Categories 241
{
State the reasons for making the proposal from
the reader’s point of view
INTRODUCTION
Grab reader’s attention with financial and
practical benefits to be gained
242 Skills of Workplace Communication
{
this specific proposal
Identify the problem
DEVELOPMENT Make the actual and specific proposal to solve
this problem
Describe the personnel you will offer and the
cost or budget for the project
{
Summarize the benefits your proposal will
give your reader
CONCLUSION Request authorization or approval from your
reader to begin the project
Report Research,
Statistics, and
Illustrations
Primary Sources
The primary sources of research are those that the report writer uses
to obtain new and original information on the subject.
In-person questionnaires are much more costly but they have the
highest response rate. Developing the survey “instrument” or
package of specific questions requires great care and precision. In
person the subject’s body language and facial clues can tell the
researcher if a question is unclear or troublesome in some personal
way. When the questions are written, there are no second chances.
The surveyor won’t even be present. Whenever possible a list of
questions should be tested on a sample group to gain immediate,
spontaneous feedback on the clarity and tone of the questions.
Like interviews, questionnaires should be reader based. The sur-
veyor who remembers his or her own typically annoyed skepticism
every time a questionnaire is received will produce a more reader-
based document. The researcher, for example, can motivate the
audience for the questionnaire by answering the skeptic’s question,
“What’s in it for me?” immediately. First, by appealing to the
altruistic side of most people by showing how the information they
supply will benefit the common good. Second, by appealing to the
profit motive by offering an incentive: cash, something free, or
something of value at a greatly reduced rate.
The number and the order of the questions should be reader- or
subject-based. The questions should be well thought-out and very
specific. A good questionnaire is not a fishing expedition. Each
question should have a specific objective. The survey should begin
with simple ones to let the participant ease into the experience,
then build up to more important questions as the list advances.
Ethnocentrism and leading questions, which implicitly suggest
the answers desired, for example, “Don’t you agree that most
politicians are crooks?” will not produce accurate results.
The questions should be listed in a purposeful way such as in a
chronological, numeric, spatial, or alphabetical order.
The researcher has to decide whether a yes–no format, a check-off
format, or an open-ended format will best suit the audience and
subject. The yes–no question is the most elementary and basically
yields factual information. Check-off responses are in effect multi-
ple-choice questions. They are the easiest and quickest for respon-
dents and large samplings. The open-ended style is more suited to
small samplings of people. It requires more time but also provides
more subtlety in responses. When a researcher has a subject with
politically or morally sensitive issues, the Likert Scale is recom-
mended. It offers a multiple-choice set of responses across a range
from strongly agree to strongly disagree.
Preferences lists are useful for determining the degree of satisfac-
tion with a product or service: from low to high, inferior to superior,
least important to most important.
246 Skills of Workplace Communication
Secondary Sources
Secondary forms of research include sources of information already
discovered by others. Published sources include books, journals, mag-
azines, newspapers, periodicals, and technical reports. Unpublished
sources include company records, diaries, legal documents, and medi-
cal and personal records. The library and the Internet are the two main
sources of existing published information.
from the highest number. The range in the list of entrées from
$16.50 to $23.00, therefore, is $6.50. However, if the last item were
priced at $55.00, the range would be $38.50. The range statistic is
very useful when there is a significant disparity in a list. The far
greater range of $38.50 would make someone wonder why or what
has caused such a range of prices.
Basically the choice is between words (ten thousand dollars) and figures
($10,000).
The following list of rules and suggestions reflects current practice.
There are so many choices and variables that the most important rule
of all is to be consistent. Arbitrarily switching between words and
figures will confuse the reader and the writer. If a numerical amount is
presented in words in one place in a report, it should be expressed that
way throughout.
• They are the vital link between raw data and useful knowledge.
They give us a specific way to look at statistics, enabling us to draw
conclusions. Bar charts enable us to compare and contrast data; pie
charts show the relation of the parts to the whole.
• They give report audiences concrete, vivid, and quick representa-
tions of ideas. To do this tables and figures must be designed
effectively.
• They save space and words. Very complicated and detailed infor-
mation can often be communicated more quickly by the report
writer and grasped more easily by report audiences through care-
fully planned and well-designed figures. One table or bar chart can
sum up pages of data covering many months or even years.
• They speak a universal language, just as music does. This is why
they are especially valuable in simplifying and presenting complex
material for cross-cultural audiences.
• They can be very persuasive. Figures can call attention to key ideas
in a visual way that is hard to resist. For this reason figures are a
very effective tool, especially for proposal writing.
• The Construction of Tables
Bar charts
The primary purpose of bar charts is to show comparative data at a
specific time or over an extended period of time. Whether vertical,
horizontal, grouped, or segmented, bar charts are like thermometers in
appearance and function. They show similar elements rising, falling, or
(rarely) remaining stationary over time. Bar charts can be thought of as
tables converted into visual form. While they might not be as statisti-
cally precise as tables, bar charts make a greater and immediate visual
statement.
The stub or vertical column on the left of the chart identifies the
statistical information, for example, in percentages, dollars, or geo-
graphical regions. All vertical and horizontal columns must be labeled
and the bars within them of equal width. The grid is the field on which
the bars are displayed. Finally, three-dimensional bar charts are purely
decorative. They do not seem to communicate statistical information in
bar charts any more clearly or forcefully and, therefore, are unnecessary.
There are three common types of bar charts:
Line graphs
The primary function of line graphs is to show quantitative changes
over time. Line graphs do this by showing a continuous relationship
between two variables, one of which is dependent, or subject to change,
the other of which is independent, or not subject to change. Common
dependent variables include money and weather. The most common
independent variables are time and distance.
Report Research, Statistics, and Illustrations 255
• Single line graphs show just the change that occurred in a single
dependent variable over time or distance. Single line figures are
useful for showing changes in variables such as sales, prices, and
production.
• Multiple-line graphs depict how several dependent variables com-
pare with one another over a period of time. When constructing
multiple-line graphs it is important to make clear visual distinc-
tions among the different lines, for example, with different colors
or with dotted, dashed, or continuous lines. The different lines
must also be labeled or identified with a legend. As with multiple-
bar charts, limiting the number of lines in a multiple-line graph to
four makes reader comprehension easier and quicker.
Map charts
Sometimes called statistical maps, map charts are useful for showing
a combination of quantitative and geographical information in one
picture. The most familiar statistical maps are the weather maps shown
every day in newspapers and television weather stations. Maps show-
ing distribution of income by states or regions are another common
form of map chart.
256 Skills of Workplace Communication
Pictographs
These are analogous to bar charts in that pictographs or pictograms
show comparative data at a specific time. Instead of showing the data
in the form of bars, however, pictographs convert the statistics of a table
into symbolic pictures or icons arranged vertically or horizontally. Each
icon, for example, a house, a person, a car, or a coin, represents a unit
of measurement. The icons should always be of equal size. It is the
number of icons that carries the message. While they might not be as
statistically precise as tables, pictographs make immediate visual state-
ments with ready audience appeal.
More than any other form of business writing, formal reports require
attention to four promoters of successful communication, highlighted
in Chapter 1.
clarity and presence, they become part of a team that sets priori-
ties. Report writers who gain this level of preference enjoy a very
real, practical advantage over others.
• It uses the third person for singular and plural nouns and pro-
nouns to convey an objective, dispassionate, scientific tone. For
example, the report writer or researcher rather than I or we, the
subjects of the study rather than our subjects, the survey respondents
rather than our respondents.
• It avoids contractions such as won’t or didn’t in favor of the more
formal will not or did not.
• It uses longer and more technical words than informal report
writing. This is not to impress the reader with esoteric vocabulary,
but because the subject matter requires it.
• It uses a variety of sentence length and structure to avoid monot-
ony for the readers of long reports. For example, it uses compound
sentences such as, “The agency has recently proposed sharp reduc-
tions in the allowable level of sulfur in diesel fuel and hopes to
issue a final rule by the end of the year.” In addition, it makes use
of complex sentences such as, “Although one percentage point
sounds small, government officials said the finding was important
because of the huge number of people exposed to particulate
pollution.” (See Chapter 10 for additional information on sentence
structure.)
Title Fly
Originally called the “fly page” when it was a blank sheet meant to
protect the printed title page, it now contains the title of the report. This
title should be clearly informative for the reader by including the who,
what, where, when, why, and how of the report. These refer to the
organization’s name, the subject matter, the location(s) involved, the
date, the purpose, and the method as in this example: ANALYSIS OF
THE GOTHAM CITY MAYOR’S EXECUTIVE BUDGET FOR 2000
BASED ON THE YEARS 1999–2003.
Title Page
In addition to the title, the title page provides the report audiences
with the name and title of the recipient, the author(s) names, the
corporation or agency that developed the report, the author(s) names
The Content and Structure of the Formal Report 263
and company name (if different from the receiving company), and the
exact date it was presented.
Letter of Transmittal
The transmittal letter, or memo if the sender and receiver of the report
are in the same organization, should be written in the frontloaded,
direct pattern. It may be less formal in style than the report itself but
should include the following information:
1. The name of the person and the organization to whom the report
is being sent.
2. The title of the report and (where applicable) by whom it was
authorized.
3. The key points of the report and their significance to the reader.
4. A note of appreciation for the confidence implied in the assign-
ment.
5. An action-information closing, that is, what the receiver should do
after reading the report, and what follow-up actions the writer is
ready to do for the reader and organization.
Table of Contents
This page represents another step in the gradual unfolding of the
contents of the report. It tells the reader the principal sections of the
report and on what pages they can be found. Any table of contents is
directly related to the outline that is created to organize all the informa-
tion in the report. Depending on the length and complexity of the
report, either the main headings or the main and subheadings in the
outline become the elements of the table of contents.
List of Figures
This list of the various charts, diagrams, drawings, and graphs that
appear in the report may be placed below the Table of Contents if there
is room on the page. Figures are consecutively numbered with titles as
well as the pages on which they appear.
section for the report’s secondary and external audiences. The people a
company or agency most wants to impress are also going to head
straight for the executive summary or abstract. With a good first im-
pression they may sample some of the report’s introduction, conclu-
sions, and recommendations to see if they are equally tasty. The abstract
is the crucial first impression a report makes and it must contain the
central ideas of the report in a clear and direct frontloaded fashion.
While each report and abstract has its own set of needs and goals
there are some general guidelines that should be followed to make your
abstract more effective. These are very similar to the functions and
characteristics of good subject lines and opening paragraphs in
frontloaded memos and letters.
{
Introduction—purpose, procedures, and
scope of the report
Development—the findings of the report:
The Report Itself
information/analysis
Conclusion—conclusions drawn and
recommendations for action
Introduction
The introductory section of the report includes the following infor-
mation:
1. The background yesterday of people, actions, and events: this in-
formation will help place the reader in the historical context nec-
essary to understand the problem or subject of the report. The
reader will learn how the problem that caused the report devel-
oped over time. In addition, the reader will find out who has done
what up to this point and what the consequences of those actions
were.
2. The problem and purpose of the report: this section will explain
in detail for the reader what steps are being proposed to solve the
problem and why.
3. The scope and limitations of the report, that is, the perimeters of
what is included and what is not included. Some explanation of
what is excluded may be necessary, for example, budget restric-
tions or the impossibility of gaining complete information because
of insurmountable difficulties or forces beyond the control of the
report writer.
4. The methodology used, meaning how the information in the re-
port was gathered. It might have been through primary sources
such as interviews or secondary sources such as library and Inter-
net research.
Body
The body is the largest section, generally taking up at least two-thirds
of the entire report. It contains the discussion of the central problem and
includes the writer’s analysis and interpretation of the data or statistical
information gathered. The body should be carefully organized, using
one or more of the following patterns of development:
The Content and Structure of the Formal Report 267
The report writer should choose a pattern that will best convey the
research, analysis, and conclusions drawn. The logic of the pattern
should be made visually clear for the report audiences by the use of
appropriately designed and easy-to-follow headings and subheadings,
as demonstrated in the following chapter.
In addition to choice of a logical pattern of development, the organi-
zation of the body should be made clear and thus easy to read by the
use of:
Conclusion
The conclusion of a formal report has two components, both of which
should be presented in a numbered or bulleted list to make it easier for
the different audiences to grasp the various conclusions drawn. These
lists should observe parallel structure, meaning that each entry in these
lists should begin with the same part of speech. This technique for
writing more effective reader-based sentences is explained in Chapter
10.
The Conclusions section pulls everything together for the reader with
a summary of the findings drawn from an analysis of the information
gained from primary and secondary sources. The following list
demonstrates parallel structure. Each entry begins with an adjective,
noun, and verb in the past tense.
Most employees stated . . .
Some back office personnel expressed the opinion . . .
Few employees believed . . .
The Recommendations section should relate directly to the conclu-
sions, that is, they should be based on the findings just reported and
summarized. The recommendations should also be realistic and reason-
able and should not introduce or require any new information. The list
that follows also demonstrates parallel structure. Each entry begins
with a verb in the imperative voice, which is appropriate for a section
that is telling the reader in a confident tone what should be done as a
result of the conclusions that were just presented.
Expand the width of the aisles . . .
Use tiles instead of carpeting on the floors . . .
Change the wine display racks from metal to wooden shelves . . .
Appendix
This section contains material that isn’t essential for understanding
the body of the report but may still be of interest to some readers of the
report. The plural form is either the Latin derived appendices used for
more scholarly audiences or appendixes, which follows the more com-
mon way of making words plural in English.
This material may include questionnaires, case studies, charts, draw-
ings, tables, parts lists, computer printouts, and other data too lengthy
for insertion into the body of the report. Different types of information
should be placed in separate appendixes each designated with its own
letter and title as follows:
Appendix A: Personnel Services Costs
The Content and Structure of the Formal Report 269
Notes
The type of additional information provided in this section varies in
different fields; however, it generally falls into one of the following
categories:
Section Numbering
Cover No number
Title fly No number
Title page No number but counted as “i”
Letter of Transmittal ii
Abstract or Executive Summary iii
Table of Contents iv
List of Figures v
Introduction 1, 2, 3 . . .
Body 7, 8, 9, 10 . . .
Conclusions 12, 13 . . .
Recommendations 15, 16 . . .
The Content and Structure of the Formal Report 271
Notes 18, 19 . . .
Bibliography or Works Cited 21, 22 . . .
Appendixes A-1, A-2 . ,. . B-1, B-2 . . . C-1, C-
2...
1. For classifying the parts of a whole: the first group, the second
group, the third group.
2. For drawing comparisons or contrasts: similarly, likewise, also:
or on the other hand, in contrast, however.
3. For showing time order: first, second, third; to begin, next, finally.
4. For clarifying concepts: in other words, that is, for example.
5. For reinforcing ideas: moreover, in addition, furthermore.
TITLE
(as needed)
20
DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION
(CFDA NO: 84217)
Notice inviting applications for new awards for fiscal year (FY) 1999 –
Robert Watson Post-Baccalaureate Achievement Program.
NOTE: The Department is not bound by any of the estimates in this notice.
The report writer can find complete information about the Robert
Watson program in the Federal Register’s Rules and Regulations Vol. 59,
No. 164, dated Thursday, August 25, 1994.
In these rules and regulations, the report writer can find such neces-
sary information such as:
Perhaps the most pertinent information the report writer may find in
seeking to narrow the focus and determine the precise subject of the
proposal is found under the section heading “What Selection Criteria
does the Secretary Use?”
(e) Adequacy of the Resources and Budget (15 points). The Secretary evaluates
the extent to which—
1) the applicant’s proposed allocation of resources in the budget is
clearly related to he objectives of the project;
2) project costs and resources, including facilities, equipment, and sup-
plies, are reasonable in relation to the objectives and scope of the
project; and
3) the applicant’s proposed commitment of institutional resources to the
Watson participants, as, for example, the commitment of time from
institutional research faculty and the waiver of tuition and fees for
Watson participants engaged in summer research projects.
(f) Evaluation Plan (7 points). The Secretary evaluates the quality of the
evaluation plan for the project on the basis of the extent to which the
applicant’s methods of evaluation—
1) are appropriate for the project’s objectives;
2) provide for the applicant to determine, in specific and measurable
ways, the success of the project in—
(i) making progress toward achieving its objectives (a formative
evaluation);
(ii) achieving its objectives at the end of the project period (a summa-
tive evaluation); and
3) provide for a description of other project outcomes, including the use
of quantifiable measures, if appropriate.
Following is how the report writer would incorporate these six points
into an outline for the body of the proposal. The six points appear as
part of the Table of Contents for the complete report proposal. When
such a proposal is created and written we can expect that it will be
granted. This really is communication for change. It persuades govern-
ment agency personnel, it increases the funding of a university pro-
gram, it improves the lives of groups of students, and it enriches our
society as a whole for generations to come.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Project Abstract
2. PROJECT OBJECTIVES 17
Outcome Objective 1 (Identify, recruit, and select)
Process Objectives 1a, 1b, 1c 18
Outcome Objective 2 (Assessment of Scholars)
Process Objectives 2a, 2b 19
Outcome Objective 3 (Prerequisite Skills for Doctoral Study)
Process Objectives 3a, 3b, 3c, 3d, 3e, 3f 19
Outcome Objective 4 (Summer Research Internship)
Process Objectives 4a, 4b, 4c 20
Outcome Objective 5 (Academic Enhancement)
Process Objectives 5a, 5b 20
Outcome Objective 6 (Applications for Doctoral
Program/Financial Aid
Process Objectives 6a, 6b, 6c 21
Organizing and Writing a Formal Proposal 281
3. PLAN OF OPERATION 23
3.1 Plan for Identifying, Recruiting, and Selecting
Project Scholars 26
3.2 Plan for Assessing Project Scholars’ Needs and Monitoring
Growth 30
3.3 Plan for Providing Research and Scholarly Activities
for Scholars 31
3.4 Plan for Involving Faculty Members in Scholars’ Research
Projects 33
3.5 Plan for Providing Internships, Seminars, and Other
Educational Activities 35
3.6 Plan for Providing Individual and Group Services
to Enhance Scholars’ Entry into Post-Baccalaureate
Education 40
3.7 Plan to Inform the Institutional Community of the Goals
and Objectives of the Project 44
3.8 Plan to Ensure Proper and Efficient Administration
of the Project 44
3.9 Plan to Follow Up Scholars’ Academic and Career
Accomplishments 51
APPENDICES
Tables
Table 1.1 Six-Year Cohort Graduation Rates for Students Who
Entered in 1991 by Race and Ethnicity 9
Table 1.2 Doctoral Degrees Conferred by Sex, Racial, and
Ethnic Group, 1994–95 15
Table 1.3 Number of Full-Time Faculty Members by Sex and
Racial and Ethnic Group, Fall 1995 16
Table 1.4 Undergraduate College Enrollment by Racial and
Ethnic Group, 1996 16
Table 3.1 Project Objectives and Plan of Operation
Subsections 24
Table 3.2 Activities Timeline for Project Personnel and Junior-
and Senior-Year Scholars 25
Table 4.1 Job Requirements for Project Staff Other Than
Directors 55
Table 4.2 Faculty Mentors’ Academic Credentials, Experience,
and Accomplishments 57-59
Table 5.1 Relationship between Budget Items and Project
Objectives 61-62
Table 6.1 Outcome Objectives and Related Summative
Evaluation Activities 74-75
Figures
Figure 1.1 High School Grade Averages of Entering Freshmen:
Higher Educational Opportunities Program
(HEOP) and All Anselm University (AU) Students
Fall 1996 and Fall 1997 7
Figure 1.2 SAT Scores of Entering Freshmen: HEOP and All AU
Students, Fall 1996 and Fall 1997 8
Figure 1.3 Mean Household Incomes: HEOP Students and All
AU Students 10
Figure 3.1 Anselm University Organizational Chart 47
Figure 3.2 Division of Special Opportunity Programs
Organizational Chart 48
Organizing and Writing a Formal Proposal 283
Anselm University
Watson Project Abstract
Proposed project activities during the junior year will include seminars
and workshops designed to enhance scholars’ knowledge about the ben-
efits, requirements, and demands of doctoral study; and that will improve
their library and information technology skills, their writing ability, their
computer literacy, and their knowledge of research design. Proposed
project activities during the senior year will provide opportunities for
scholars to become knowledgeable about data analysis methods, research
report writing, and research report presentations at scholarly meetings. In
284 Skills of Workplace Communication
addition, throughout their junior and senior years, Watson Scholars will
participate in field trips to doctoral-granting universities, to professional
conferences, and to cultural events. Scholars will also be provided with the
opportunity to enhance their chances for acceptance into doctoral pro-
grams through participation in seminars/workshops that focus on prepar-
ing for graduate entrance examinations and on completing applications
for admissions into doctoral programs and for financial aid. Individual
subject area tutoring, personal and career counseling, and individual
assistance in library and information technology, writing, and computer
literacy will be available to scholars throughout the project.
A Governmental Agency
Environmental Report
with Tables
286 Skills of Workplace Communication
A Governmental Agency Environmental Report with Tables 287
288 Skills of Workplace Communication
Appendix B
Source: Office of State Deputy Comptroller for the City of Ne York (overall spending);
City Comptroller
MAP CHART
PIE CHARTS
ELDERLY BENEFITS’ INCREASING BITE
FLOW CHART
CUSTOMER ORDERS RECEIPT THRU DELIVERY
ORGANIZATIONAL CHART
Notes
CHAPTER 1
CHAPTER 2
CHAPTER 3
1. Doreen Carvajal, “Forsooth, Check This Consultant,” The New York Times, 22
Dec. 1999: C1.
2. Carjaval, C1.
3. “Henry V,” 4. 3. 43–46.
4. Robert Frost, The Poetry of Robert Frost (New York: Henry Holt, 1969): 33.
CHAPTER 4
1. Erica Goode, “How Culture Molds Habits of Thought,” The New York Times, 8
Aug. 2000: F1.
2. William J. Lederer, The Ugly American (Westminster, MD: Ballantine Fawcett,
1968).
3. U.S. Census Bureau
4. Clifford Krauss, “Selling to Argentina (As Translated from the French),” The
New York Times, 5 Dec. 1999: B7.
5. Howard W. French, “ ’Japanese Only’ Policy Takes Body Blow in Court,” The
New York Times, 15 Nov. 1999: A1.
6. Seth Schiesel, “Lucent Picks Boeing Executive as Finance Chief,” The New York
Times, 25 Apr. 2000: C1.
7. John Markoff, “Hewlett-Packard Picks Rising Star at Lucent as Its Chief
Executive,” The New York Times, 20 Jul. 1999: C1.
8. Stendahl (Marie Henri Beyle), The Red and the Black (New York: Oxford
University Press, 1981): 259.
9. “The Merchant of Venice,” 3. 1. 50–52.
CHAPTER 5
1. “King Lear,” 4. 6. 167–168.
CHAPTER 6
1. Steve Lohr, “Medium for Main Street,” The New York Times, 11 Jan. 2000: A1.
2. Carl Rogers, Carl Rogers on Personal Power (New York: Delacorte Press, 1977).
CHAPTER 7
1. Douglas Martin, “David Mellinkoff, Enemy of Legalese,” The New York Times,
16 Dec. 2000: B37.
2. “Hamlet,” 3. 4. 27.
Chapter 10
1. “Hamlet,” 1. 1. 137–138.
Notes 297
CHAPTER 11
1. Lisa Guernsey, “You’ve Got Inappropriate Mail,” The New York Times, 5 Apr.
2000: C1.
2. Edward Wong, “A Stinging Office Memo Boomerangs,” The New York Times,
5 April 2000: C1.
CHAPTER 19
1. Joseph Gibaldi, MLA Handbook for Writing Research Papers, 5th ed. (New York:
Modern Language Association of America, 1999).
Bibliography
Allen, Jo. Writing in the Workplace (Upper Saddle River, NJ: Prentice Hall, 1998).
Alred, Gerald. The Business Writer’s Handbook, 6th ed. (New York: St. Martin’s
Press, 2000).
American Management Association. The AMA Style Guide for Business Writing
(New York: AMACOM, 1996).
Bailey, Edward P. The Plain English Approach to Business Writing (Oxford, U.K.:
Oxford University Press, 1997).
Bartell, Karen H. American Business English (Ann Arbor: University of Michigan
Press, 1995).
Blake, Gary, and Robert W. Bly. The Elements of Copywriting: The Essential Guide
to Creating Copy That Gets the Results You Want (New York: McGraw-Hill,
1998).
Bovee, Courtland L. L., and John V. Thill. Business Communication Today (Upper
Saddle River, NJ: Prentice Hall, 1999).
Campbell, Nancy. Writing Effective Policies and Procedures: A Step-by-Step Resource
for Clear Communication (New York: American Management Association,
1997).
Economist Staff. The Economist Style Guide: A Concise Guide for All Your Business
Communications (London: John Wiley & Sons, 1998).
Flaherty, James. Coaching: Evoking Excellence in Others (Woburn, MA:
Butterworth-Heinemann, 1998).
Foster, Bill, and Karen R. Seeker. Coaching for Peak Employee Performance: A
Practical Guide to Supporting Employee Development (Irvine, CA: Richard
Chang, 1997).
Geffner, Andrea B. Business English (New York: Barron’s, 1998).
300 Bibliography