1O

Christian
Values
EveryKid
Should Know
 ALSO BY
DONNA J. HABENICHT
How to Help Your Child Really Love Jesus

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 1O Christian
Values
EveryKid
Should Know
A HOW-TO GUIDE FOR FAMILIES

BY
DONNA J. HABENICHT, ED.D.
Copyright © 2000 by
Review and Herald® Publishing Association
International copyright secured

The author assumes full responsibility for the accuracy of all facts
and quotations as cited in this book.

Unless otherwise noted, texts are from the Holy Bible, New International Version.
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, International Bible Society. Used by permission of
Zondervan Bible Publishers.
Scriptures credited to ICB are quoted from the International Children’s Bible, New
Century Version, copyright © 1983, 1986, 1988 by Word Publishing, Dallas, Texas
75049. Used by permission.
Texts credited to KJV are from the King James Version.
Texts credited to NKJV are from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1979,
1980, 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
Verses marked TLB are taken from The Living Bible, copyright © 1971 by Tyndale
House Publishers, Wheaton, Ill. Used by permission.

This book was

Edited by Penny Estes Wheeler
Copyedited by Delma Miller and James Cavil
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R&H Cataloging Service

Habenecht, Donna J
10 Christian values every kid should know: a how-to guide for families

1. Values. 2. Moral education. 3. Religious education. 4. Christian education.

I. Title

303.3

ISBN 0-8280-1506-6
 This book is
lovingly dedicated to

Herald, Larry, Nancy,

Debbie, Bruce, Liza, Jeffery,
Jonathan, and David
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6
 Acknowledgments

W
hen I was a graduate student at Andrews University I took a
class about character development from Ruth Murdoch, my
adviser and mentor. She inspired me to delve deeply into this
subject. For 17 years I have taught this same class to graduate students.
We have a lot of fun exploring how children and adolescents develop val-
ues and a strong moral character and how the process continues during
adulthood. Our discussions have challenged and inspired me.
My students from the winter 1999 class contributed a great deal to this
book. They wrote many of the scenarios from real life and contributed to
some of the general guidelines for specific values. I want to thank each one
personally for their contribution: Marcia Azevedo, Brett Carnduff, Pablo
Huerfano, Israel Jean-Leone, Hillman St. Brice, Fred Toaloa, and Cynthia
White. I especially want to thank Israel for the additional scenarios and
guidelines he wrote during his spring break.
Many other people contributed to this book. I could not have written
it without the support of the School of Education at Andrews University.
My special thanks go to Karen Graham, the dean, and to Elsie Jackson and
my other colleagues in the Department of Educational and Counseling
Psychology. Their support was essential. Ralph Schroder, my graduate as-
sistant, provided invaluable help at the computer and in the library.
Tim Crosby encouraged me to sign a contract for this book. Without
that contract I fear the book might never have been written. Jeannette
Johnson kept me writing when I wanted to give up. She put up with too
many deadline delays. Penny Estes Wheeler edited and encouraged and
served as liaison with the Review and Herald. Thank you for your patience.
I want to thank the parents who have attended my workshops, the
families I have counseled, the students in my classes, and my close friends.
They have challenged my thinking and shared their experiences. The sto-
ries in this book are about real people, but I have changed names and
identifying details to protect their privacy. A few of the stories originally
appeared in columns I have written for Our Little Friend and Parent Talk.
 My family made this book possible. When I was a child, my parents
provided me with an environment in which I could develop strong
Christian values. My husband has been my greatest supporter and cheer-
leader. Our children and grandchildren taught me a great deal about how
values and character develop in the crucible of daily family life. Larry and
Debbie graciously provided me with a room overlooking the Caribbean,
where I began this book. Nancy and Bruce gave encouragement and
friendship along the way and shared family experiences. Our grandchil-
dren are the heroes of some of the stories.
To everyone, thank you!
 Contents
PART 1:
THE VALUES TREE:
HOW TO HELP CHILDREN LEARN VALUES

CHAPTER 1: The Values Tree / 15

CHAPTER 2: Values Begin With God / 21
CHAPTER 3: Live the Values / 29
CHAPTER 4: Teach the Values / 37
CHAPTER 5: Protect Your Child’s Mind / 51
CHAPTER 6: Make Right and Wrong Very Clear / 63
CHAPTER 7: Develop Self-respect and Confidence / 79
CHAPTER 8: Give Lots of Practice in Making
Decisions / 91
CHAPTER 9: Show Your Child How to Deal With
Peer Pressure / 107

PART 2:
THE FRUITS OF THE VALUES TREE:
HOW TO HELP CHILDREN LEARN SPECIFIC VALUES

CHAPTER 10: Faith in God / 121

CHAPTER 11: Respect / 134
CHAPTER 12: Responsibility / 151
CHAPTER 13: Self-control and Moderation / 168
CHAPTER 14: Honesty and Integrity / 188
CHAPTER 15: Kindness and Compassion / 203
CHAPTER 16: Contentment and Thankfulness / 215
CHAPTER 17: Patience and Perseverance / 230
CHAPTER 18: Peace and Humility / 244
CHAPTER 19: Loyalty and Commitment / 258
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10
 A Word to the Reader

V
alues and character have been “hot” topics during the last decade.
We have been bombarded with the immoral actions of government
officials, high school kids, securities traders, and sometimes even
our friends. Books on how to teach values to children have hit the top of
the New York Times best-seller list. Everyone talks about the “character” of
elected officials and teenagers.
God, in His Word, has plenty to say about values and character. I
think it’s time we listened. As we begin a new millennium nothing could
be more important than helping our children learn basic Christian values
to guide their lives.
This book is divided into two main parts. The first part, “The Values
Tree,” focuses on general guidelines for teaching values to children. They
are the foundation from which the specific values emerge. The second
part, “The Fruits of the Values Tree,” looks at 10 important Christian val-
ues I believe every kid should live by, a chapter for each value. These
chapters are like a sourcebook where you can go for information about a
specific value.
Each chapter describes a value, looks at God’s view of the value, and
provides general guidelines for helping children develop this value. Most
chapters also have focused guidelines for teaching different aspects of the
value. Each chapter has a section on how to help children who have trouble
with this value. The “Trouble?” sections cover many areas of concern to fam-
ilies—disrespect, hyperactivity, laziness, irresponsibility, temper tantrums,
drugs, dating, divorce, and others. The chapters end with ideas for family
activities, quotable wisdom, nature trails, and everyday trails for helping
children latch on to this value as their own and embrace it for living.
God wants to bless us and our children with His wisdom. May His
Spirit be with you as you read.

—Donna J. Habenicht
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12
 PART 1:

THE
VALUES
TREE:
How to
Help Children
Learn Values
This page intentionally left blank.
14
 CHAPTER 1

The Values Tree

Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel
of the wicked. . . . But his delight is in the law of the
Lord. . . . He is like a tree planted by streams of
water. . . . Whatever he does prospers. Ps. 1:1-3.

I
love pussy willows. Rubbing my fingers across their soft fuzziness makes
me feel good, and they add a special touch to bouquets. When we moved
to southern Michigan, I saw my chance to have all the pussy willows I
wanted, for the plants loved our soil and climate. Almost overnight I saw
new growth, and by the third or fourth year, my pussy willow bushes
looked like trees. They were as tall as our two-story house. Of course, in
the springtime, all the pussy willow branches I wanted to cut were out of
reach at the top of the “trees.”
The gardening consultant I spoke with advised me to chop the “trees”
off about one foot above the ground. I shuddered. How ruthless! I couldn’t
chop down my lovely pussy willow trees. Would they grow again? But I
couldn’t reach the blossoms, and the lower part of the “trees” did look
rather sparse. Finally I decided to follow the consultant’s advice, and one
afternoon we chopped them off a foot from the ground. To my surprise, the
following year they grew into round, full, beautiful pussy willow bushes,
much more attractive than before. What seemed so harsh was the best thing
for them.
Growing a child is a lot like growing a tree. What does it take to grow
a healthy tree? Good genetic stock, the best soil for that tree, water, fertil-
izer, occasional pruning, sunshine, and protection from storms.
What does it take to grow a child? Good genetic stock. Just as

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10 Christian Values Every Kid Should Know

some children are tall and others short, research has shown some are nat-
urally more compassionate than others. It comes with their genetic
makeup, just as it is easier for some children to resist peer pressure and to
be responsible workers. It comes with their inborn personality.
Does that mean others cannot learn these basic values? Of course not!
But most likely more teaching and practice will be needed, more leaning
on God. We take what we get in children, remembering that each one is a
special child of God with unlimited potential.
The match between parents and child is the “soil” in which our chil-
dren grow. Alexander Thomas and Stella Chess, lifetime researchers on
child temperament, call this match “goodness of fit.” As we look at our
children’s temperaments, we quickly see that some are easier to teach than
others. As for those with difficult temperaments, we must make many ad-
justments in our home environment for them to prosper and grow.
Children also need the sunshine of our love and warmth, daily wa-
tering with gentle teaching from God’s Word and life’s experiences, the
boost of the fertilizer of special teaching experiences, the pruning of
discipline, and protection from strong winds and storms that are more
than they can bear.
Some children need more protection than others. Some need more
teaching or more discipline or more watering. But they all have the poten-
tial to grow sturdily in God’s garden. Some children are like palm trees, oth-
ers like oak or maple trees. They will grow at different rates and in different
ways, but each has the potential to be strong and beautiful in God’s time.
Growing a child with strong Christian values—a tree growing by a
stream of water, a tree that will prosper as described in Psalm 1—is not
easy in a decidedly secular world. As Robert Coles, who has decades of re-
search experience with American children, said in Family Weekly 15 years
ago, “children need more than good food, a nice physical environment and
psychological understanding; they need to learn ethical principles—a firm
notion of what they ought to do, and what they ought not to do, and why.”
He went on to say that children “need to believe in something beyond
themselves, in principles and purposes that transcend their personal lives.”
In the end each person must know “what she lives for, what she be-
lieves in, what she will stand by through thick and thin.” Values are im-
portant because they provide a basis for all decisions and actions during

16
 The Values Tree

life. Values play a central role in life. Values are who I am. They become
my character, the real inner person. They are expressed in what I do and
how I act.
A strong Christian value system will be of immeasurable worth to your
children throughout their lives. It will light the dark moments of decision,
point the way to the path of integrity, and keep their souls in tune with
God. Values provide a sense of purpose for life. They direct the means and
ends of actions. They are standards of conduct. They are qualities of the
soul. They matter in every aspect of life.
Without sound values and beliefs children do not know what they be-
lieve or who they are, and their self-image suffers. When children have
solid Christian values they feel loved, accepted, and secure; they make re-
sponsible choices and feel approved by their family and community. Their
self-respect blossoms.
Values are not just personal preferences. Whether I like blue or red,
suits or business casual, short or long hair, Shaker or modern furniture,
Escorts or Geos, draperies or miniblinds or both, is simply a matter of per-
sonal likes and dislikes. My core values might be expressed in how much
I pay for any of these items or how important they are to me. If maintain-
ing a “perfect” home is a more important value to me than nurturing my
children’s spiritual growth, I will act out my core value by spending more
time on cleaning and decorating than on teaching my children. If my ca-
reer is more important to me than nurturing a relationship with my hus-
band, I will act out this value by spending more of my time on my career.
How I spend my money loudly announces my core values.
Whether I prefer a campfire or a fire in a fireplace, as one of the items
in a popular values clarification activity asks, is a matter of personal pref-
erence. It is not a moral value. Another values clarification activity asks
whether I prefer to be Virginal Virginia or Mattress Millie. That choice is
based on moral values—purity, self-control, and respect—not just per-
sonal preference. My values are expressed in whether I choose to have sex
with my boyfriend, even though we’re both only 16 and nowhere near to
making a marital commitment, or whether I choose to be a virgin when I
marry. The hormones pull me toward sex, but my strong values of purity,
self-control, and respect help me make that decision. The strength of my
values will determine whether it is an easy or difficult decision.

17
10 Christian Values Every Kid Should Know

Strong moral values are in short supply today. We see immorality pro-
claimed in newspapers, TV programs, news magazines, and advertisements.
The lives of people around us—and maybe sometimes our own living—
make us wonder, “What happened to moral and ethical values centered in
God?” People just don’t seem to be aware that their decision involves a moral
or ethical value with important consequences for themselves and others.
Kayla was the proud possessor of a new D.D.S. degree and eager to es-
tablish her own dental practice. After a long search for a location, she
found two established dentists who were willing to share their facilities. All
indicators seemed favorable—the area was not saturated with dentists, the
office was conveniently located with adequate parking, and the financial
arrangements satisfactory.
So Kayla went about the process of marketing her services. She an-
nounced her new practice location through the newspapers. Friends dis-
tributed cards at their places of business and told their friends. She posted
convenient late-afternoon and evening hours to lure prospective patients
and hired a chair-side assistant.
But no patients came. A practice is primarily built by word of mouth
from satisfied patients, so Kayla worried as the weeks went by. She needed
a few patients to get that word-of-mouth recommendation started. Each
week the office receptionist shook her head and said no one had called re-
questing an appointment.
After many weeks of diligent marketing efforts with no results, Kayla
began to get suspicious. So she asked one of her friends to phone for an
appointment. A honey-voiced receptionist cooed, “I’m so sorry. Dr. Kayla
has no openings for months. But Dr. B and Dr. S have openings. Would
you like to see one of them?”
End of mystery. What happened to honesty and integrity? In business,
is anything OK? What has happened to kindness and compassion, re-
sponsibility, loyalty, and commitment, and other moral values? Where
have they gone?
Teaching your children to live by Christian values is your most im-
portant responsibility as parents. How can you be most successful in
teaching Christian values to your children? Turn to the Values Tree. First,
we will examine how to teach values in general, and then we will focus on
how to teach specific core values for Christian families.

18
 The Values Tree

FAMILY ACTIVITIES
The following activities will help you learn about family members’ fa-
vorite things: colors, shapes, animals, books, stories, games, vacation
places, friends, foods, Bible stories, Bible verses, helping story, and any-
thing else you can think of.
My Favorite Color: One person tells their favorite color and then
everyone else can name as many things as they can think of that are that
color. Make a poster for that person about her favorite color by pasting
magazine pictures of things that are that color on a large poster board.
Write the person’s name at the top of the poster.
My Favorite Things: Make a poster for each family member,
pasting a picture of the person at the top of the poster. Each person can
work on his or her own poster by finding pictures of their favorite things
to paste on the poster. This activity could be part of Family Night each
week for a month or it could be part of the first week of each month. Talk
about each person’s favorite things. Stress that each person is different and
so we may like different things. God made us that way. There are no right
or wrong favorite things.
My Favorite Bible Verse: Copy each person’s favorite Bible
verse on a card with their name. Post the cards in conspicuous places
about the house. You may add a pretty sticker or sketch stars or flowers
around the edge of the card.
Growing a Plant: Help your child plant some seeds, either out-
doors or in a pot indoors. Then teach the child how to care for the seeds
and later the plants. Talk about what is needed to grow a healthy plant.
Growing a Child: God has a very special garden. He doesn’t grow
plants—He grows children in His garden. How does God help each child
grow a strong character? (Explain to young children that character is what
you are and how you act.) For 6- to 12-year-olds explain the analogy be-
tween growing a tree and growing a child as described in this chapter.
Your family could illustrate each thing (soil, rain, sunshine, etc.) with pic-
tures, or the children could make up a little skit about each one—the fun-
nier the better.
The responsibility of parents is not toward their children’s happiness, but to-
ward their character.
—Haim Ginott

19