Divorce Ethnography
Divorce Ethnography
Divorce Ethnography
Ethnography: Divorce
Introduction
The culture that I chose to observe and do my ethnography on was divorce. Divorce is a
legal termination of marriage by a court or one having the authority. It is more than a
marriages can be repaired. While other marriages are best if it ends in divorce. On the
American Psychological Association, they give ideas on how you can obtain a healthy
divorce without having your life sucked out. They even given advice on how to obtain a
Author Scott Stanley in an article called Reasons People Give for Divorce. He says
there is a simpler way to phrase why marriages fail? He phrases it, what reasons do
people give for divorcing (Institute for Family Studies, 2017)? Divorces are becoming a
common theme in the United States. Almost about half of all marriages end in divorce or
some kind of separation. Researchers have determined that there are some factors that
thing. It is all around us. There has been a divorce in my family. There has been
multiple divorces in my wife’s family. There even has been divorces among my friends
and coworkers. What I expect to find in this ethnography is the reason that lead people
to say I’m done, what happened in the past that is now affected the present? The
culture around divorce is sad. Especially when children are involved. That is the one
thing that I was not looking forward to. Plus the lengths that some people go through to
Methods
The research took place at the Third District Court in West Jordan, UT. During lunch
and break time at work. Other locations have been my in laws’ house and my parents’
house. Also through text messages. The methods that I used in this Ethnography were:
fieldwork, direct observation, mapping, informal interviews, and formal interviews. I took
law during is still ongoing divorce. I listened to the way he talked about the divorce and
watched the body language as well as. I had an informal interview with a coworker.
Body
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In Scott Stanley’s article, one of the reasons that he gives for the increase in divorce is
through religion. The research points out that couples who have separate religious
beliefs and values or no religious beliefs at all, tend to be a part of the increase in
divorce. My coworker whom we call Spencer. He and his wife got a divorce after 18
years of marriage. Between the two of them they have two kids. They belonged to the
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Towards the end of the marriage they
drifted apart religiously. My coworker stayed to the beliefs that he believes in. While his
wife questioned the validity of the Church and its teachings. They began to grow apart.
They avoided each other to the point where there was no more communication. The
only thing positive that they shared were their kids. They tried to stay strong for them.
Marriage Practice
All the families that I observed were a nuclear family. There was a mom and a dad with
their children. Before my brother in law and his wife had their daughter. They were living
in a townhome. They were there for about 6 months before they couldn’t financial make
it. So they moved in with his wife’s Grandpa. My brother in law wasn’t for sure what he
wanted to do for a career. He bounced around for a while. Started to work and
eventually received his real estate license. His wife worked at a dental job. Even though
they lived at Grandpa’s house. They still economically struggled. They saw what money
they had and spent it on trips or out to eat. When the daughter was born. Everything on
stage seemed great. Little did everyone know that behind the stage their nuclear family
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was falling apart. Scott Stanley mentions that, “it takes two to tango”. One person
cannot do everything while the other sits off to the side. The other comment he
mentioned that rang truth was, “one person cannot make it happen without the other
person also being willing to invest and grow”. Poor choices were made by my brother in
law. From his lack of responsibility. His choices eventually trickled down to my wife and
I, which in return we took it out on our kids. Which is not fair to them. My wife and I said
it was enough. We decided to distance ourselves from his problems. His wife even saw
the problems, and decided that it was not safe for her any more. She had to think about
Political Organization
politics. I saw and heard authority, coercion, cultural control, laws, power, social control,
and treaty. While experiencing my time at the Third District Court Building, observing
divorce court. I saw and heard forms of treaty. Before the session would begin for the
couple. The judge would ask has anything been resolved. Through mitigation, some
matters concerning the divorce would be resolved. For the items that were not resolved.
It was left to the judge to handle the proceedings. The judge would than finalize the rest
of the treaty and to those individuals it would become somewhat of a law. They would
have to abide by the terms of that treaty or law or they would lose privileges granted to
them by the court. This is because the judge has the power and the authority to give
and take away as he or she feels fit, which was granted them by our political system. I
mentioned in my field notes the unique way that I described Genocide in divorce. We
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know that Genocide is the elimination of human life due to one’s own personal dilemma.
For this unique way I want to take elimination out of it. In divorce court when innocent
kids are involved, it is an emotional process. For myself, just watching the divorce
courts, my brother, and brother in law. My heart goes out to those kids. Their lives will
never be the same. Two birthdays, multiple Christmas’s which until they are older won’t
be a bad thing. The constant traveling from house to house. Being away from friends.
All of this was caused by two individuals having personal dilemmas. My brother in law in
a weakened, emotional state when he said this, “Her life will never be the same. She’s
going to grow up confused”. After seven long months, he finally said the words, “I
screwed up”. Throughout his entire marriage, he exercised power and authority over his
wife, manipulated her, even coerced her. When he finally I screwed up. The only thing I
saw was its too late. Due to his actions. His life will never the same. Most importantly
his daughter’s life will never be the same. From looking at everything I have seen this
semester. I have seen individuals gain back their power to free themselves from the
power and authority of other people. I have seen individuals let less important matters
Communication
Communication involves not just speaking but listening. From observation and from
sitting in the courtroom. People just speak. They don’t want to listen, they don’t want to
change a bad habit or two. With having an open communication, individuals can
express, their anger, conflicts, differences, happiness, goals, and humor. Through the
hard times in life and throughout a relationship. Challenges are going to arise. Each
family that I observed, had a challenge a problem that entered into their relationships
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with their spouses. I encountered that the younger generation, had a harder time
communicating when problems occurred. They were more frustrated and did more
arguing than discussing the actual problem. The one thing I did notice in all of the
nuclear families was gender related in communication. The male voice is the one being
heard. Exercising power and authority over the other. Eventually in a few cases it lead
to abuse.
Economic systems
In today’s society, the cost of living, is forcing both parents to work. An individual that
works in the middle class will only get you so far. From my observations, a lot of
conflicts have arisen because money. Couples that have less than moderate income,
are associated with the higher risk of divorce. As mentioned before on the
people spend more than what they make. One of my experiences at the courtroom
observation was of a lady in her early to mid 30’s. She has two kids. Her husband is in
control of the money / finances. In order for her to receive any money to buy things for
herself or for the kids. She had to perform sexual favors to him. She finally had enough
of it and decided to stand up for herself and say no. Shortly after that she left and got
the house.
Gender
Throughout the world, even inside the United States. We have a society where men
control the system, not just politically but control it in the home as well. That is why we
are seeing a theme of women equality latley. Women don’t just cook and clean. They
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can run a business. They can be equal partners with their spouse in building a unified
family. One of the problems that I’ve seen is the image of women. Still today in our
society, women are sex figures, they are objects and are treated as such. My brother in
law is like that and the guy that had is wife perform sexual favors. Women don’t deserve
to be treated as such. Both individuals have viewed pornography, which problem got
Conclusion
couples fall out love. It is the top reason why divorces happen. So, why do they fall out
love? Through my observations, couples go through the wants and the needs. Their
own personal wants out weigh the needs in the relationship with their significant other.
People may want drugs, alcohol, personal material items, pornography more than want
they truly need. Those wants control their life. They dictate when and want you do on a
daily basis. In the American Psychological Association they give advice on nine
psychological tasks for a happy marriage. 1) Separate your emotions from that your
parents family. Create your own identity and own emotion for your family. 2) Build unity
and intimacy with your partner. 3) Don’t let outside problems pull you away from a
healthy sex life. 4) For those with kids, embrace the role of parenthood, work together to
build the family. 5) Confront and master the problems that will arrive. 6) Maintain,
strengthen, and keep safe a happy marriage where there is open communication. 7)
Avoid isolation, use humor and laughter to keep things in perspective. 8) Nurture and
comfort each other. Support one another in their goals. 9) Keep love alive, keep falling
in love. This a wonderful list. A list where if these were the wants and the needs in every
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relationship. Divorces would be low. We would be spending our time, talents, energy on
that which is most important. I assume most people got married because they believed
in those facts. Just over time we forgot why we fell love? Why weren’t not still falling in
love? Difficulties can be resolved in every relationship. Like I said above about
Genocide. It’s sad to see and hear innocent young children, whom will never be the
same, because of two personal dilemmas. Every person on this Earth is different. No
two individual are exactly the same. We all have are weaknesses, as we all have our
own strengths. Through strengthening the weaknesses of our partner and using our
strengths to build our family. Marriages will be strong, children will be happy and safe.
Divorce will be a thing in the past. Next time I would like to take a variety of couples
from a religious background, ethnic background and compare it to this first one that I
did. My hope and ultimate desire is that I never get a divorce. This ethnography has
been depressing. It’s one thing to talk with others about divorce but to actually sit and
write about it in the field journal, write assignments, and reflect on it is another story.
References
Stanley, S. (2017, April 10). Reasons People Give for Divorce. Retrieved from
https://ifstudies.org/blog/reasons-people-give-for-divorce
How Common is Divorce and What are the Reasons? (n.d.). Retrieved from
https://yourdivorcequestions.org/how-common-is-divorce/
Methods used
fieldwork
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direct observation
participant observation
mapping
kinship diagrams
informal interviews
formal interviews