A Better Way

A NEWSLETTER FOR STUDENTS OF A COURSE IN MIRACLES ®

Fall 2003 The Circle of Atonement Issue #43

Traveling Lightly
by Nicola Harvey
This world is a serious place. Everyone leaves here in a Release the burden of events and situations
box. And before we make it into the box, we tread a
A good place to start is by not collecting unnecessary
precarious path trying to avoid catastrophe, whilst living in
burdens in the first place, and letting go of as many
constant fear of it. This is the unpalatable truth that lurks “small” upsets as we can. Workbook Lesson 5 reminds us
at the back of our minds, casting a shadow over our lives. that “There are no small upsets. They are all equally
We’re like long-term hostages who are telling jokes disturbing to my peace of mind” (W-pI.5.4:3-4). However,
around a campfire with our captors, in a they certainly feel easier to deal with,
spirit of camaraderie. Even whilst we’re and so we can do much on behalf of
having fun, we know that at any moment
one of us could be taken away and shot.
As Course peace by simply being vigilant about not
collecting these apparently small upsets,
For those of us on a spiritual path, we students, we or being quick to let go of them.
tend to believe that there is a better way Our daily lives are filled with
of living in the world than being in a believe that as minutiae to get upset about, and if we
constant state of fear. Instead of being
weighed down with the threat of disease we progress allow ourselves to fall thoughtlessly into
that trap we can end each day ground
and disaster, we know that there is a way
of traveling lightly through this world; a
along the path down by the stress of it all, even when
nothing all that dreadful has actually
way in which we have far fewer cares, to God, happened. I had a wonderful lesson in
and a future of hope, not despair. As this recently when I went to the dentist,
Course students, we believe that as we ultimate reality knowing I was to have an injection for
progress along the path to God, ultimate the treatment I would be having. I was in
reality will become gradually more real will become a fearful state of mind, and prayed for
to us. We will have more holy instants.
We will experience miracles. We will
gradually more help as I sat in the dentist’s chair.
Immediately I got a brief impression of
live increasingly in the light of Heaven real to us. Jesus laughing at me. He apparently
rather than the darkness and heaviness of wasn’t taking this as seriously as I was!
the world. Even though we are treading It was a great help, and I got the
the same earth as everyone else, we will feel safe and message: Is a moment’s twinge of pain something worthy
loved, whole and at peace, unburdened and happy. We will of weighing my mind down? I hardly think so.
be living in the real world. Assuming that we do collect these small and senseless
burdens regularly through the day, the Workbook teaches
How do we travel lightly? us to stop each hour and release from our minds that which
has been weighing us down in the past hour (see for
Picture going through life unburdened by problems, example W-pI.193.12). In this way, we aren’t carrying
fears, worries, and grievances. Can you imagine the around an increasingly heavy load of irritations and upsets.
release and freedom you would feel, and the lightness of But what about “big” upsets? What do we do when
heart? Wouldn’t going through life be an utterly different we’re faced with some of the worst this world has to offer?
experience? So how do we learn to travel lightly? It can be tempting to throw truth out the window when a

(continued on page 3)
 A Better Way IN THIS ISSUE
is published by the Circle of Atonement Teaching
and Healing Center, a non-profit, tax-exempt corporation
Articles
founded in 1993, and located in Sedona, Arizona. It is based on
A Course in Miracles, the three-volume modern spiritual
classic, which we believe was authored by Jesus through a Traveling Lightly
human scribe. by Nicola Harvey
Mission Statement We all want to travel lightly through life, yet most of
To discern the author’s vision of A Course in Miracles and us feel weighed down with a series of heavy, seemingly
manifest that in our lives, in the lives of students, and in
the world. unshakable burdens. Nicola offers counsel on how we
can learn to travel lightly without resorting to denial...1
Board of Directors
Robert Perry, Allen Watson, Mary Anne Buchowski,
Nicola Harvey, Greg Mackie. “The Ego Does Want to Kill You”
Subscription Information An Experience of the Murderer
A Better Way is a quarterly newsletter. Within the U.S., Within
suggested donation is $15 U.S. for four issues. If you subscribe,
you will receive the newsletter, as well as announcements for by Greg Mackie
upcoming books and events. If you want to be taken off the list,
please do us the favor of letting us know. To subscribe, or for a The Course wants to put us in touch with the peace
free sample newsletter, contact: and joy within us, yet it also wants to bring us face-to-
The Circle of Atonement
face with our own murderous ego. It even tells us to pray
Teaching and Healing Center that this encounter may be soon. Greg tells a fascinating
P.O. Box 4238 • West Sedona, AZ 86340 story of his own encounter with the murderer within. . .6
(928) 282-0790 • Fax: (928) 282-0523
In the U.S. toll-free (888) 357-7520 (orders only)
E-mail: info@circleofa.com What Is a Holy Instant?
Website: www.circleofa.com Part II, Specific Examples and
To subscribe to the free, electronic version of the newsletter, Characteristics
please send a blank e-mail to:
by Allen Watson
betterway-subscribe@circleofa.com
As Course students, who of us hasn't struggled with
Financial Policy the concept of the holy instant? Allen finishes his two-
Our financial policy is based on a line in Psychotherapy, a part series on the holy instant with thirteen different
supplement to A Course in Miracles: “One rule should always
be observed: No one should be turned away because he cannot descriptions of what a holy instant is. . . . . . . . . . . .10
pay” (P-3.III.6:1). Therefore, if you would like any of our
materials or services and cannot afford them, simply let us
know, and give what you are able. We Can Be Wrong
The Circle is supported entirely by your purchases and gifts. by Robert Perry
Therefore, we ask you to look within to see if you might be led
to support the Circle’s vision financially with a donation above
Our views at the Circle may sound ironclad, but we
the list price of materials. We encourage you to give, not in are always discovering new things in the Course and
payment for goods received, but in support of our present and often revising old views. Robert here talks about some
future outreach. Please note that only amounts given over the of the about-faces he has done in his understanding of
list price are considered tax-deductible. the Course, and sketches what he sees as the ideal
Mailing List Policy stance of a Course interpreter. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .17
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being as sensitive as we can to the Holy Spirit’s guidance.
If you do not want your name shared in this way, please let us Regular Features
know and we will make sure it is not.
The title of our newsletter comes from Bill Thetford’s comment to Circle Services . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .3
Helen Schucman that “There must be another way” and from Jesus’
comment in the Course that “Everyone eventually begins to recognize,
however dimly, that there must be a better way” (T-2.111.3:6).
We hope that this newsletter will be helpful to you on your journey to
this “better way.” Circle Events . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .3
Portions from A Course in Miracles, Copyright© 1975, 1992, 1999,
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2 A Better Way
 CIRCLE SERVICES CIRCLE EVENTS

Support to Course Students Regular Classes in Sedona, Arizona

In Sedona, Mary Anne Buchowski is available to work
with individual Course students in a teacher-pupil Daily Morning Workbook Class
relationship designed to help them along the path of the With Mary Anne Buchowski and Greg Mackie
Course. We are also pleased to offer informal support and The focus for 2003 is “Walking with the Holy Spirit”
assistance, through correspondence or by phone, to both Weekday mornings, 8:30 - 9:30 am
individuals and study groups. Contact Mary Anne at
maryanne@circleofa.com, or call our office. Weekly Class
With Robert Perry
Course-Based Spiritual Healing
This class covers a variety of topics on the Course
If you are interested in having a healing session with
Nicola, please contact her at nicola@circleofa.com. Tuesday evenings, 7:00 - 8:30 pm
Call our office for details
Internet Services
✳✳✳
Our website is a useful tool for accessing Circle
resources, programs, and services. The Workbook Regular Classes in Portland, Oregon
Commentaries by Allen Watson are available online. You
will also find a huge variety of articles by other Circle Topical and Text Classes
teachers, including the popular “Course Q & A” page. With Allen Watson
New articles are added every week. There is also a Text study classes, plus a monthly topical class
shopping cart for simple online ordering of books and Tuesday evenings, 7:00 - 9:00 pm
tapes. Visit the website at www.circleofa.com. Contact Allen Watson
(allen@circleofa.com; (503) 284-3619)
Service to People in Prison
The Circle provides complimentary materials, as well
as individual support through correspondence, to Course
students in prison. Traveling Lightly (continued from page 1)

crisis comes along, but ultimately, it’s only by shining the

light of truth onto the darkness of our suffering that we
For Your Consideration will get through it. Somehow, in the midst of our pain, we
need to find a way to meaningfully connect with the truth.
In recent years, we have been blessed with We need to find a way of internalizing the fact that
bequests from people remembering us in their “There is another way of looking at this” (W-pI.33.3:4),
wills, and this has benefited us tremendously. something which will help bring our difficulties into
We had no idea how helpful it could be until we perspective with the truth, and which will ultimately lead
started receiving these bequests. us beyond the darkness and into the light once more. Of
course, the main way that the Course trains us to do this is
As you plan for your estate, we invite you to to respond by repeating our Workbook lesson for the day.
consider naming the Circle of Atonement as a Traveling lightly doesn’t mean that nothing bad ever
beneficiary. If you do decide to do this, please happens to us—it means that whatever happens, we let the
know that you have our deepest gratitude. light of truth into our minds. This light guides us into
another way of perceiving, melting away the pain of the
If you have questions, don’t hesitate to contact
experience, and teaching a deep lesson to our minds: all
us (by phone: 928-282-0790; via e-mail: problems are equally meaningless; they have no substance
info@circleofa.com; or through regular mail: and no real power to hurt us. “Big” problems are just as
The Circle of Atonement, P.O. Box 4238, West illusory as “small” ones. Learning this lesson (a lesson we
Sedona, AZ 86340). will need to learn over and over in many different
situations) marks the dawning of a deeper wisdom and a
greater capacity to live life less fearfully.

Fall 2003 3
Release the burden of grievances through forgiveness needs, is actually what makes us ill. Whilst we are engaged
in plans for its defense, we are so misperceiving our body
Of course, a major way that we can unburden
and its purpose that this amounts to an attack on it, and
ourselves, according to the Course, is by letting go of our
consequently it becomes sick. Yet if we understand that it
grievances. We deeply underestimate the impact that
is an illusion, and focus instead on playing our part in
forgiveness will have on us. Apparently, holding
God’s plan for salvation, then it will remain healthy for as
grievances is like trying to stagger along under a massive
long as it is needed:
burden that all but wipes us out:
Enslavement of the body to the plans the
You are not really capable of being tired, but
unhealed mind sets up to save itself must
you are very capable of wearying yourself.
make the body sick. It is not free to be the
The strain of constant judgment is virtually
means of helping in a plan which far exceeds
intolerable. It is curious that an ability so
its own protection, and which needs its
debilitating would be so deeply cherished.
service for a little while. In this capacity is
(T-3.VI.5:5-7)
health assured. (W-pI.135.13:1-3)
Don’t we just cherish our judgments? Don’t we assume
The opposite of planning is trusting in the Holy Spirit.
we will feel bereft without them? The Course, though, uses
Instead of carrying out our own plans for the defense of
some of its most motivational language on the topic of
forgiveness. When we’re feeling unwilling to forgive, it’s our body, we ask Him what He would have us do on behalf
worth spending some time with those passages. It’s of the plan for salvation. We listen for His guidance, and
difficult to read Lesson 122, “Forgiveness then we carry it out. This does not mean, however, that we
offers everything I want,” for example, and should throw away our schedules. The
remain fully committed to our hatred. Holy Spirit can use these forms just as well
What we seem to forget is that when Resentment as we can. Giving up planning does not
mean that we stay in bed until a Voice tells
we’re angry, we’re grim. Resentment and
light-heartedness simply don’t mix. and light- us what to do with our day. Jesus did not
Considering the amount of time and energy ask Helen and Bill to give up their jobs and
we give to our grievances, and our heartedness stay at home all day so that they could live
“spontaneously.” Instead, he very often
unwillingness to truly let go of them, it’s
no wonder that Jesus tells us point-blank
simply don’t gave them guidance about how their many
that we are “steadfastly devoted to misery”
(T-14.II.1:2). In contrast, he tells us that
mix. responsibilities and interactions with
others could be used on behalf of healing.
seeing our grievances as the illusions that Giving up planning does mean, though,
they are will be a deep relief to our minds, and that we will that we give up our own ideas about what
experience happy laughter, not regret, as we let them go: our life, our schedule, our daily appointments, are all for.
It is sin’s unreality that makes forgiveness Once we are living for another purpose, we may well then
natural and wholly sane, a deep relief to those be given plans to carry out that we wouldn’t have thought
who offer it; a quiet blessing where it is of by ourselves. Giving up our own plans, in simple terms,
received. It does not countenance illusions, but means that the larger goal of the salvation of the world is
collects them lightly, with a little laugh, and more important to us than the life and times of ________
gently lays them at the feet of truth. And there (fill in your name!). Our life then becomes “a meaningful
they disappear entirely. (W-pI.134.6:1-3) encounter with the truth” (W-pI.135.19:2), filled with joy.
Our mind is relieved of the burden of our fears, our body
is relieved of the burden of sickness, and our life becomes
Release the burden of planning
increasingly joyous:
Another major burden is planning for our future. We Your present trust in Him is the defense
plan to defend ourselves against imagined threats, such as that promises a future undisturbed, without a
poverty. We plan to achieve the things we have decided are
trace of sorrow, and with joy that constantly
important to us. We plan to ensure that certain things or
increases, as this life becomes a holy instant,
people or situations that we are attached to stay within our
set in time, but heeding only immortality.
grasp, or come within it if they aren’t already. To us,
(W-pI.135.19:1)
planning is essential, natural, and a sign of intelligence. To
Jesus, planning keeps us firmly rooted in the world of What a wonderful picture! What an inspiring vision of what
illusions, and is a sign of our profound ignorance of God our life could be! And what a beautiful lesson: living as the
and His laws. In Workbook Lesson 135, in which this topic instrument of a larger plan, and therefore in a way which
is addressed at length, Jesus tells us that our obsessive transcends our separate interests, is how we get our deepest
planning, which is centered on our body and its perceived needs—our needs for peace and safety and happiness—met.

4 A Better Way
Release the burden of attachment to material things because we see their senselessness. When we hit a crisis,
we reach out to the truth to help us through it. We let go of
Another aspect of traveling lightly is releasing our
our grievances because we understand how futile they are.
attachment to material things. When our possessions—
Our body becomes healthy and our life more and more
either objects we currently possess or would like to
joyous as we learn to let go of our selfish concerns and
possess—mean so much to us, it keeps our focus firmly
instead take our appointed place in God’s plan. We release
fixed in this material world. This faulty perception—that
our attachment to material possessions, instead trusting the
we need certain objects because of the meaning we think
Holy Spirit to supply us with all that we truly need to live
they have—wreaks havoc in our minds.
in the world.
Cherishing certain possessions, and letting their
To travel lightly, we need illumination—the
presence in our lives dictate the way we feel about
illumination that lights up the dark corners of our minds,
ourselves, is an attack on our own peace of mind. We can
replacing ignorance and fear with wisdom and
see this in the extreme example of an autistic person who
understanding. But what is this illumination? What is this
has a temper tantrum because one of his favorite objects is
spark of understanding which has the power to instantly
not where he expected it to be, and his sense of safety in
melt our grievances and fears as if they were nothing?
the world has been shattered. Yet we don’t see that our
Quite simply, it is the deeply internalized understanding of
“milder” version—of feeling a sense of anxiety should
the unreality of this world, and an acceptance of Heaven as
anything happen to our most prized possessions—is
the only reality—a perfect reality where
exactly the same mental sickness. Our
we are totally loved and cared for by God.
sense of wholeness and safety in the world,
for the moment, depends on an object. We cannot If we truly understood that we need no
defenses—no anger, no judgment, no
When reduced to this, doesn’t it seem
ridiculous? Yet who of us can honestly say travel lightly planning for our future—because we are
living in a world of illusions, wouldn’t we
we have never fallen prey to that kind of
thinking?
through a feel released from our burdens in a way
that all our defending and judging and
Of course, material things also burden world where attacking has never achieved? If we deeply
us when an attachment to having them
dictates an entire way of living. We may the material accepted that this heavy world is just an
illusion, and Heaven is the only reality,
choose to spend huge chunks of our life
doing senseless things in order to get a things would we have any reason to feel afraid?
Traveling lightly is about a deeper and
good supply of paper strips and metal discs
so that we can buy all the things that we around us more profound ability to treat illusions as
illusions, and a refusal to be weighed down
think will make us happier. We don’t ask
the Holy Spirit what He would have us do
mean so by them accordingly. This does require
flexing some big spiritual muscles,
with our life, since we have already much to us. however. It’s not enough to try to deal with
decided.
our anger by denying it on the basis that we
We cannot travel lightly through a
intellectually grasp the fact that the world is an illusion.
world where the material things around us mean so much
The illusion has ways of getting more and more upsetting
to us. We have given those objects all the meaning that
until we finally snap out of our illusory peace and start
they have, and having made them into gods, they rule us
doing some real forgiving! Again and again in the Course,
accordingly. The alternative, Jesus tells us, is to leave our
we’re told that our only way out of the hell we’ve made is
needs to the Holy Spirit. He will supply us with all that we
by bringing the darkness to the light, which means we
need when we release our attachment to our worldly
must look our ego squarely in the face before it will
agendas:
disappear into the nothingness it really is. Jesus cautions
What comes to you of Him comes safely, for us about being too quick to dismiss the ego as something
He will ensure it never can become a dark which doesn’t affect us. In reality, of course, it doesn’t, but
spot, hidden in your mind and kept to hurt in time it does, until we have truly learned to walk without
you. Under His guidance you will travel light it, something that not many of us have yet achieved:
and journey lightly, for His sight is ever on
I have spoken of the ego as if it were a
the journey’s end, which is His goal.
separate thing, acting on its own. This was
(T-13.VII.13:3-4)
necessary to persuade you that you cannot
dismiss it lightly, and must realize how much
A deeper understanding of reality of your thinking is ego-directed. (T-4.VI.I.3-4)
Are you getting a picture of what traveling lightly
actually looks like? We don’t collect small burdens,

Fall 2003 5
Conclusion light of wisdom dawn within us, rather than
Traveling lightly isn’t about living in denial of the intellectualizing our fears away. It’s about letting a
darkness that drives us, slapping on a happy smile, and profound truth illuminate our thinking, and be our guide in
working like crazy behind the scenes to make sure that life responding to the difficulties we encounter, beautifully
goes the way we want it to. It’s about facing that darkness summarized by Jesus as: “Nothing real can be threatened.
with an unflinching eye because we know that the truth Nothing unreal exists. Herein lies the peace of God”
will help us to see this differently. It’s about letting the (T-In.2:2-4). ✺

“The Ego Does Want to Kill You”

An Experience of the Murderer Within
by Greg Mackie
A couple of newsletters ago (A Better Way #41), I definitely consciously aware of my depression and self-
shared a remarkable spiritual experience of mine, an loathing, but I had no idea of the extent of those feelings.
experience of universal love. Recently, I had another It was as if something dark lurked just below my
remarkable experience, this one of the opposite end of the awareness; there was a shark swimming in the depths of
spectrum—what could be called an experience of my mind, and all I was seeing was the dorsal fin breaking
universal hate. It was a terrifying encounter with the ego the surface. I had a dim sense of a vicious thought in me,
unmasked, the false self in me that is utterly malevolent a kind of malevolent force that truly hated me and literally
and quite literally wants to kill me. wanted to kill me. But at the time, it wasn’t very strong.
I would like to share this experience in the hope that,
like the first one, it may be helpful to others on the path. It The experience: a terrifying encounter with the
was certainly helpful to me. It brought with it some murderer within
powerful lessons, which I will share below. Terrifying
That dim sense remained with me as I
though it was, I am very grateful for this
went to bed on May 26. I don’t remember
experience. It felt like a significant
how much sleep I got, but I’ll never forget
milestone in my journey with the Course. It was as if that at about three o’clock in the morning,
The prelude: whispers of the something the awareness of this malevolent force hit
me like a ton of bricks. There wasn’t
murderer within dark lurked anything in particular that brought it on; it
It all started in late May. For a couple of just happened. There’s really no way to
days, I had been experiencing vague just below adequately describe it. There was just this
feelings of depression and self-loathing. my something in me that felt like pure evil,
I’m fairly certain the trigger was a something that was bent on destroying me.
conversation I had with a friend of mine on awareness. It literally wanted to stop my heart. It
May 24, which brought up a lot of anger wanted to take control of my hands and
and defensiveness in me. Though the wrap them around my throat. It was a real
conversation was outwardly amicable and the force—real in my experience, anyway—that gripped me
disagreements that came up in it totally resolved, my with incredible intensity.
inward anger and defensiveness made me aware of just Before anyone gets too worried about my mental health
how much I attack and condemn others in my mind. I saw here, let me assure you that I was never truly suicidal. I’m
myself as an attacker, and that made me feel grimy and normally an upbeat, emotionally stable person who is not
loathsome. I did Course practices to address these feelings prone to dramatic mood swings. The “normal” part of my
and the thoughts behind them, and this actually helped mind could look upon this murderous impulse from
quite a bit. But my negative feelings did not dissipate “outside” of it, as it were; the impulse did not take over my
entirely. entire mind. On the contrary, it felt almost as if it were
It’s not that I was walking around in abject, full-blown independent of my mind. I think I now understand
self-hatred. In fact, as I look over my practice notes for something of what people experience in cases of apparent
those days, I see that my overall mood was positive. I was demon possession. I didn’t think I was really being taken

6 A Better Way
over by a demon—as a Course student, I immediately I was stunned by these words, because they described
identified this apparently demonic force as a product of my precisely what I was experiencing at that moment. I was
own mind, my ego unmasked. But it felt like something immersed in that “instant in which terror seems to grip
from outside my mind, and it was truly terrifying. your mind.” My mind felt split between a terrified “me”
I had to do something to assuage my terror. So, I did and a homicidal maniac out to get “me.” I was face to face
various Course practices and called upon God, Jesus, and with a murderer within me, bent on my death.
the Holy Spirit for help. I don’t remember every single But the lesson went on to say that this grim encounter
practice I did, but I definitely remember saying, “Help me, was not a bad thing at all. On the contrary, this terrifying
Father,” “Steady my feet, my Father” (based on instant had a priceless gift to give me, if I was open to
W-pI.rV.In.2:1), “Help me, Holy Spirit,” “Help me, Jesus,” receiving it:
“There is nothing to fear” (W-pI.48.Heading), and “God is Yet in this instant is the time as well in which
but Love, and therefore so am I” (W-pI.rV.In.4:3). salvation comes. For fear of God has
Unfortunately, nothing really seemed to work. disappeared. And you can call on Him to save
As I was doing all this, I remembered the Course’s idea you from illusions by His Love, calling Him
that the ego really wants to kill us. I also remembered the Father and yourself His Son. Pray that the
idea from Lesson 196 that we will one day see the instant may be soon,—today. Step back from
murderer within us—the ego as it really is—totally fear, and make advance to love.
unmasked. It occurred to me that this was (W-pI.196.11:2-6)
exactly what I was experiencing right My perception of the experience really
now. I felt prompted to read some of this I tried to do began to shift as I read this. This passage
material, so I turned on my lamp, picked was tremendously reassuring. It told me that
up my Course, and began to read. I read exactly what what I was going through was a precious
T-13.I-II., which discusses how we
believe that we have crucified the Son of
this passage opportunity, because getting in touch with
the fearsome murderer within me opened
God. It says that “the ego does want to killinstructed me the door for God to heal me with His Love.
you, and if you identify with it you must This experience was not one the Course
believe its goal is yours” (T-13.II.5:6). I to do: call on wanted me to avoid, but one it wanted me to
also read Lesson 196, “It can be but
myself I crucify,” which says that our
God’s Love to have soon—today. Well, I was having it
today. So, I tried to take advantage of the
attacks on others in the name of “self- save me from opportunity. I tried to do exactly what this
defense” lead to our fear of crucifixion at
the hands of God and the world. I had read this terrifying passage instructed me to do: call on God’s
Love to save me from this terrifying but
this material many times before, but it
spoke directly to my experience now in a
but illusory illusory murderer. And while my earlier
calls for help had seemed ineffective, this
way it never had before. murderer. time I felt a glimmer of a response. My
The material that hit home for me the practicing was finally beginning to work.
most began with paragraph 10 of Lesson 196. I’ll quote the It was clear from this lesson that my attacks on others
most relevant lines here: were what gave birth to and sustained this murderer
There is an instant in which terror seems to within. This whole experience was tied in directly with the
grip your mind so wholly that escape appears depression and self-hatred I had been feeling the past few
quite hopeless. When you realize, once and days, since those feelings came directly from my attacking
for all, that it is you you fear, the mind and condemning others. Whatever benefits I thought my
perceives itself as split. And this had been attacks brought me, my current experience was their actual
concealed while you believed attack could be result. And I didn’t want this result, to say the least. I now
directed outward, and returned from outside had all the incentive in the world to stop attacking others
to within.... and set my murderous ego aside.
Now, for an instant, is a murderer I prayed about this to Jesus, and this was exactly the
perceived within you, eager for your death, message I got: “Give up your attacks on others. This
intent on plotting punishment for you until the experience you are having is what your attacks on others
time when it can kill at last. really bring you. This is their actual result, all the time,
(W-pI.196.10:1-3,11:1) whether you are aware of it or not. It is a blessing for you
Fall 2003 7
to experience this, because now you know what you’re it can kill no more. So, I pulled out my favorite forgiveness
really giving yourself when you attack and condemn practices and applied them to people against whom I had
others. Never forget this. You now have all the reason in been holding grievances. I said things to them like “Awake
the world to give up attack.” and be glad, for all your sins have been forgiven you”
Now, I was actually thankful for the experience, even in (P-3.II.4:10), “You are the holy Son of God Himself”
the midst of it. I was still highly aware of that murderer (W-pI.191.6:1), “Light and joy and peace abide in you.
within, though the terror had dissipated somewhat as a Your sinlessness is guaranteed by God” (W-pI.93.11:3-4),
result of my reading, repetitions, and prayers. It was as if and “Your holiness gives life to me” (based on T-26.I.7:2).
my practicing allowed me to look upon the experience The goal I wrote down for the day was “to stop crucifying
from even farther “outside” of it than before. More and myself by withdrawing my attacks on others, and
more, I was finding a place of refuge at the center of my forgiving them instead.”
being. More and more, I was feeling God’s answer to my Over the next few days, the sense of that murderer
call on His Love. within me remained, but gradually faded away. My guess
So, I expressed my gratitude to God for is that this was due partly to all the
His Love. I also continued to practice as forgiveness practice I was doing, and partly
the experience went on. I used some of the Those to my denial mechanisms clicking back into
same lines as before, and added things like
“Thank you, God, for showing me this,”
graphic place. I don’t think anyone could tolerate
the full experience of his or her ego
“My ego may want to kill me, but I am not descriptions unmasked for too long. I’m sure this
an ego,” “My ego is an attacker, but I am experience will come to me again at later
not,” “This murderous impulse is an of the ego’s stages of my journey, whenever I am ready
illusion that cannot harm me at all,” and
“This will disappear when I stop attacking
madness are for it again. But I know now that whether
I’m consciously experiencing it or not, that
others.” In addition, when I had turned to dead-on murderer is still down there, feeding off of
Lesson 196, I had stumbled upon the my every attack on others. I try to
Lesson 198 practice along the way: “Only accurate remember that when I am tempted to attack.
my condemnation injures me. Only my
own forgiveness sets me free”
descriptions
(W-pI.198.9:3-4). This really appealed to of the force The lessons: benefits of encountering
me, so I started repeating it over and over. the murderer within
With this constant repetition going that actually
As I’ve said, I am now very grateful for
through my mind, the experience finally
dissipated enough for me to go to sleep.
drives our this experience. Like the universal love
When I woke up the next morning, I lives most of experience I had before, this one taught me
a number of valuable lessons. As I reflect
read Lessons 196 and 198, and decided to
use them both as the basis for the day’s the time. on what it taught me, three lessons stand
out.
practice. From Lesson 196, I picked
various lines from the paragraphs that discuss the
experience of the murderer within (paragraphs 10-12), and
1. The Course’s descriptions of the ego and its pure
adapted them to suit my needs. One line I used was malevolence are really true.
“Father, I call on You to save me from illusions by Your Just as my earlier experience confirmed what the
Love” (based on W-pI.196.11:4). From Lesson 198, I used Course says about the sheer joy and love of true
the practice lines quoted above: “Only my condemnation perception, so this later experience has confirmed what it
injures me. Only my own forgiveness sets me free” says about the sheer insanity and hatred of the ego. Just as
(W-pI.198.9:3-4). I used these practices during my quiet the Course’s account of our light is true, so is its account
time, and many times during the day. of our darkness. This is a crucial lesson for me. I think
I also felt prompted to bring to mind various people most if not all Course students tend to minimize and soften
whom I had been attacking, and extend forgiveness to the Course’s statements about the ego’s malevolence. I’ve
them. This felt like the perfect thing to do, since attacking done that as much as anyone. Surely, we think, it can’t be
others is what feeds that inner murderer and sustains its that bad. Surely Jesus is engaging in a bit of hyperbole
killing spree, while forgiving them is what starves it until when he says all that grim, gory stuff about the ego.

8 A Better Way
Maybe he’s doing it for dramatic effect, making it sound me on the ego to some extent. I feel that I’ll never attack
worse than it really is to shock us into changing our minds. with quite the same relish again. Giving up attack is not a
But all that material about the murderous ego is no sacrifice for the sake of being a good person, but a way to
longer just abstract theory or vivid literature to me—what free myself from guilt, fear, and pain. Putting both
it talks about is now part of my practical experience. Those experiences together, I now know both how desirable
graphic descriptions of the ego’s madness are not God’s Love is and how undesirable the ego’s attack is.
hyperbole, but dead-on accurate descriptions of the force How can I not eventually succeed with motivation like
that actually drives our lives most of the time. Jesus really this?
means what he says. However illusory it is, that shark is
really swimming down there in the depths of our minds, 3. Practice really works.
and he’s out for blood. Over the years, a number of Course
Finally, just as my earlier experience came as a result of
students have asked me if I have ever really experienced
intensified Course practice, so this later experience did
the grim ego stuff the Course talks about. Now, I can
also. In April, I started using a structured checklist for my
unequivocally say yes.
practicing, and from then on, my practice really took off. I
A brief aside concerning the truth of the Course’s
was doing much more than I had before. I’m sure it is no
descriptions: As I compare my experience of the murderer
coincidence that this dramatic experience came on the
within to that passage in Lesson 196, I am truly amazed at heels of a couple of months of greatly increased practice.
how well that passage matches my Once again, I feel that I have received
experience. I’m amazed that my confirmation of what the Course says about
experience is described perfectly by
something Jesus dictated to Helen over
My its entire program: “If you do it, you will see
that it works” (T-9.V.9:2).
thirty years ago. This demonstrates to me experience of
that when Jesus says in the Course that
Conclusion
certain things will happen to us as we the ego
progress on the path, he means it very It may seem that a terrifying experience
literally. He is describing quite precisely unmasked of a bloodthirsty murderer within is hardly
what will happen to us at various stages.
Often, as in Lesson 196, he also gives us
has given me evidence that Course practice really works.
But it is. For the Course’s path is not just
specific instructions for what to do when ample reason about giving us glorious experiences of love
those things happen. Jesus has the entire and light, as wonderful and necessary as
map of the journey in his mind, and he has to give up those are. It is also about bringing us face to
laid it all out for us in detail. attack. face with the dark motives which drive our
lives, but which stay safely hidden under
2. I have every reason in the world to multiple layers of denial most of the time. It
forgive my brothers. It is totally in my self-interest to is about learning what we really want through
experiencing both the spirit and the ego as they really are.
do so.
The experience I’ve described here was not pleasant to
Just as my earlier experience gave me an incentive to say the least, but I consider it a real gift. I thank God that
forgive others because it feels so good to do so, so this I was given a brief glimpse of what my attacks on others
later experience has given me an incentive to forgive
and myself have truly wrought, for now that I have seen it,
others because it feels so bad not to do so. This, too, is a
I have the power to do something about it. As Lesson 196
crucial lesson for me. In the Course’s view, seeing plainly
the stark contrast between the joy of the spirit and the pain concludes, seeing that “it can be but myself I crucify”
of the ego is the key to salvation, and that contrast is much (W-pI.196.Heading) is not a curse, but a blessing. Seeing
clearer to me now. My experience of the ego unmasked has the murderer within reveals the savior within. And that is
given me ample reason to give up attack. I don’t want a cause for great rejoicing:
murderer within me—especially one that wants to murder How kind and merciful is the idea we
me—and the only way to let that murderer go is for me to practice! Give it welcome, as you should, for
stop attacking and condemning others. it is your release. It is indeed but you your
Unfortunately, I must admit that I haven’t entirely mind can try to crucify. Yet your redemption,
given up attack, which shows just how committed to my too, will come from you.
ego I really am. But this experience has definitely soured (W-pI.196.12:3-6) ✺

Fall 2003 9
 What Is a Holy Instant?
Part II, Specific Examples and Characteristics
by Allen Watson
In Part I of this article, we saw that in one sense, there Spirit or not. That decision determines what you see: the
is only one holy instant, which is simply a window in time “world you do not want” results from your deciding for the
through which we perceive eternity. Although we have unholy instant, while the “one you do” want results from
many experiences of a holy instant in our lifetimes, those giving the power to decide for you to the Holy Spirit
experiences are really all instances of tapping into the one (T-21.II.4:6). Therefore, one way of increasing your
holy instant which, being eternal, extends through all time. experience of the holy instant is to develop a habit of
consciously asking the Holy Spirit to make your decisions
What a Holy Instant Is for you.
Choosing to allow the Holy Spirit to make your
In this second part of the article, we want to look at decisions seems inextricably linked to the holy instant. I’m
several passages in the Course that offer a definition or not sure which comes first or which causes the other. Does
description of what the holy instant is, to the holy instant provide us with strength to
better understand how we can “practice make that choice, or does the choice
the mechanics of the holy instant”
(T-15.II.5:4). As we learn what constitutes
Offering the trigger the holy instant? Whatever the case
may be, it is clear the two go hand in hand,
a holy instant, we can begin to practice it. instant to and you can’t really have one without the
We can consciously aspire, in any given other. The key, as is pointed out in
moment, that it might be a holy instant, Him entails T-21.II.4:8, is recognizing that we want the
and we can develop techniques that will
facilitate making it so.
taking your world we will see when the Holy Spirit is
given control of our lives, and that it is up
own hands to us to choose it. As we have already seen
1. An Instant Offered to the Holy (in Part I), equivocating and trying to hold
Spirit (T-15.II.1:6) off it, letting onto the ego’s separation-based values will
always block, or at least dampen, the
One simple definition of the holy go all your experience of the holy instant.
instant is that it is an instant that you offer
to the Holy Spirit. Offering the instant to past learning, In the rapid onrush of our lives, it may
often seem impossible to pause and offer
Him entails taking your own hands off it,
letting go all your past learning, and and putting the moment, whatever it contains, to the
Holy Spirit. There is so much to do, and
putting Him in charge. As the final
Workbook lesson has us repeat over five
Him in the demands of life seem urgent; stopping
even for a few seconds to mentally ask the
days (and for the rest of our lives, really): charge. Holy Spirit to be in charge seems not only
This holy instant would I give to of lesser importance, but we may even
You. Be You in charge. think that taking our attention away from
(W-pII.361-365.Heading) our situation would do more harm than good. After all,
Another way of saying the same thing is that in the holy things might get out of our control! Does it ever occur to
instant you let go of your independent will and accept the us that loss of our control might be a good thing?
Will of God as all there is (T-15.IV.8:6). In the holy instant, we give the Holy Spirit control over
This aspect of giving the instant to the Holy Spirit, and the present moment of time. In return, He empowers us to
letting Him make the decisions and judgments in place of offer forgiveness to our brothers, thus enabling them to
your own, does not mean you are absolved of all offer salvation to us (T-21.II.3:7-8). The Course says that
responsibility for your life, as can be seen in T-21.II.2:1-3; when we offer Him only one instant, wholly and
3:3,5-7; 4:5-6. This section juxtaposes allowing the Holy completely, without reservation, He will give us all of
Spirit to make your decisions with the idea that “[You are] salvation (T-21.II.2:1-5; also, T-18.VII.5:3; T-27.V.4:2;
responsible for what [you] see” (T-21.II.2:3). These two M-15.2:7). That exchange is brought about in the holy
thoughts are not incompatible because you are the one instant, and it is maintained by continuing to enter holy
responsible for deciding to give the instant to the Holy instants with Him. In a holy instant offered to the Holy

10 A Better Way
Spirit, you stop projecting blame outside yourself. You believed in one another; they shared a faith in the Sonship.
cannot experience a holy instant while maintaining that That was a holy instant.
your brother’s guilt is real, rather than something you are
making up in your own mind (T-21.II.13:3). 4. A Moment in Which Desire for Vengeance Is
Gone
2. Remembering Your Union with God and the
In a holy instant “the drive for vengeance has been
Sonship
uprooted” because “the past is gone” (see T-16.VII.6:1-4
One description that really says it all is that the holy for the complete context of this idea). The ego tries to
instant is an instant in which you remember God and your convince us that we will be happy if we can just get even
union with Him. You are aware of being united directly with the people who have hurt us; the Holy Spirit teaches
with Him, and since all the Sonship—all our brothers and the opposite.
sisters—are also united with Him, you are united with Chapter 27 refers to “an instant of your love without
them as well (T-15.VI.8:1). attack” (T-27.V.4:2). That is one way of describing the
This is not a moment of becoming one, but of holy instant. Your desire for vengeance is gone because
recognizing the Oneness that always already is you understand the past is gone, and therefore, nothing
(T-21.VIII.5:1). In the holy instant you may feel the unity remains to impede the natural outflow of your love. Most
with God and your brothers, a unity that is always there, experiences of forgiveness fall into this category, and an
having been given us in God’s gift of experience of forgiveness is, therefore, a
creation. People who experience a holy holy instant.
instant of unity carry from it a reflection of
that eternal unity to the world of time
When I remember a close friend of mine who
had been in an abusive relationship for
around them (W-pI.169.13:3). self-attack years, and had been filled with bitter
Clearly, you cannot recognize your hatred and resentment, her sleep bothered
oneness with God and your brothers without ceases for a by dreams of vengeance in which she
forgiving both your brothers and yourself,
and acknowledging the total innocence of
moment, stabbed her husband to death. After
experiencing a deep holy instant of
both. If you are one with God, and also one that moment forgiveness she was astonished at what
with your brother, then your brother must had happened inside her. “I’m not even
also be one with God. A moment in which is a holy angry with him any more,” she said. “I
that understanding becomes a concrete used to hope he’d rot in hell, but now I
certainty, beyond all doubt (at least in that instant. really want him to find happiness and
moment), is a holy instant. peace for himself.” Her desire for
vengeance had simply disappeared.
3. A Moment of Shared Faith in the Sonship If grievances and desires for revenge (which you may
(T-15.VI.2:5) think of as “justice”) occupy your mind, you can increase
the likelihood of experiencing a holy instant by frequently
When you remember God you remember His Son. You praying, as the Workbook counsels us, “Let miracles
recognize the Holy Spirit in your brother. When you replace all grievances” (W-pI.89.3:1), or reminding
interact with others through your ego, you focus on their yourself, “The problem is a grievance; the solution is a
flaws; you don’t think they can be counted on to overcome miracle” (W-pI.90.2:5).
their biases and to reach the truth. To have faith in the
Sonship means that you realize, as the Course points out, 5. A Moment in Which Self-attack Ceases
that “Everyone will answer the Call of the Holy Spirit”
In Chapter 28, Section I, the Course speaks about
(T-5.II.10:8) and “Everyone seeks for love as you do”
miracles. It says that “The miracle comes quietly into the
(T-14.X.10:5). “He asks for what you want, and needs the
mind that stops an instant and is still” (T-28.I.11:1), which
same as you” (T-31.II.10:3). Again, a moment in which is clearly a reference to a holy instant. In that moment, we
you simply know you can trust God in your brother or recognize our own innocence. We connect with our loving
sister is a holy instant. heart, and in that identification there is no guilt, “nothing
I think this might have been a central factor in Helen that would make [us] afraid” (T-28.I.12:6). We stop
and Bill’s holy instant, when they joined in a common attacking ourselves! (T-27.V.5:5).
purpose. Bill somehow recognized something in Helen I don’t think we have the slightest idea of how
that would respond to his appeal; Helen recognized in Bill constantly our minds are attacking themselves. We exist in
a heart like her own. And they joined. In that moment they a sea of self-judgment. We earnestly believe that large
Fall 2003 11
chunks of ourselves are despicable. The Course says we condemnation of our brothers. When we withdraw the
lack “confidence in [ourselves], so long despised” projection of guilt, and realize that we are responsible for
(T-18.III.3:4). When self-attack ceases for a moment, that what we see, it enables the holy instant of self-recognition
moment is a holy instant. When you let yourself love to happen.
yourself, that is a holy instant, because it is getting in touch Your judgments are the root of your seeming desire to
with the eternal truth about yourself, instead of looking at attack. When the judgments are gone, attack is gone, and
your track record. Marianne Williamson has said, “You are when that happens you discover that, in the core of your
not your resumé.” A moment in which you recognize the being, you are love. You recognize the idea of love in
truth of that is a holy instant. yourself. You experience yourself as love, because that is
I recall taking part in a meditation on loving-kindness, what you are (T-6.I.13:2). When you experience love, free
in which we extended blessing and acceptance and peace from attack, flowing through you, that is a holy instant.
to others, starting with those close to us, and then Think of some time in your life when love was flowing
extending outward to the city around us, to the nation, and deeply, when you knew that your love was pure, an
to the entire world. Finally, after our hearts had been untainted desire for goodness for another person. That
opened fully and attuned to love and compassion, the cannot happen when you harbor grievances against the
person leading the meditation asked us to turn that other person. But when it does happen, you become aware
compassion on ourselves. “Look down on yourself. See of a part of yourself, a wellspring of love within you that
yourself there, and have mercy on yourself. Say to is obscured and often so overlaid with self-judgment that
yourself, ‘May I be happy. May I be you doubt its existence. Those moments of
contented. May I be free from suffering. knowing, “This is really in me! I am truly a
May I remember who I really am.’”
As I followed those instructions and
When you loving being!” are one type of holy instant.
They are one of the rewards of forgiveness.
offered those blessings to myself, my
heart melted, my eyes filled with tears,
experience
A Clarifying Note: the Holy Instant
and I was aware as never before of the love, free and the Miracle
constant self-condemnation that had
become so normal to me that only its from attack, If we try to distinguish between the
terms miracle and holy instant, based on
absence revealed its usual presence.
flowing T-21.II.8:3 we might at first deduce that the
6. A Time of Perfect through you, miracle is a suspension of judgment toward
others that leads to the holy instant of
Communication
A holy instant can be a moment in
that is a holy recognizing ourselves as love. Yet this
distinction between the miracle and the holy
which your mind is perfectly open to instant. instant, connecting them as cause (the
another mind. You are willing to receive, miracle of suspended judgment) and effect
or to give, as the moment calls for (the holy instant of self-recognition), is only
(T-15.IV.6:5). Your mind, therefore, “seeks to change one side of the story. Other passages seem to imply that the
nothing, but merely to accept everything” (T-15.IV.6:8). miracle happens in the holy instant, and still other
To be so perfectly open to another that we have abandoned passages seem to say the miracle follows the holy instant
any desire to change them, and seek only to offer them or arises from it (T-19.I.14:1,3; T-16.VII.11:1-2;
love and healing, is a rare state, and one that we should T-28.I.11:1-2; T-27.V.3:1-2).
spend more time seeking. “When a brother behaves If we wish to establish some temporal order here, we
insanely, you can heal him only by perceiving the sanity in must understand that there are two aspects of the miracle.
him” (T-9.III.5:1). I recommend frequent readings of the There is the miracle that each of us receives from the Holy
Text, Chapter 9 Section III (“The Correction of Error”) to Spirit, which touches our mind, suspends its judgment, and
aid in the formation of this perfect openness. makes it aware of the love within itself. This aspect of the
miracle brings us to the holy instant. The second aspect of
7. A Recognition of Love in Yourself the miracle involves its extension: in the holy instant we
When we suspend our judgment toward others, it leads see the miracle of our relationship with our brothers, and
us to the holy instant, in which we recognize the Love of then the miracle extends from the holy instant to other
God within us, the fact of our union with the Love of God minds.
in our minds (see T-15.VI.5:3 and T-21.II.8:2-4). Those In a larger sense, remember, the holy instant and the
passages show that the recognition of our true nature miracle do not “happen” at all; they are not bound by time
cannot occur while we maintain our judgment and or temporal order. Being eternal, the holy instant always is.

12 A Better Way
What “happens” is that we remove the barriers to instant is a momentary experience of what that is like,
experiencing it. The holy instant is always present; the often with one specific individual. We see them in a way
miracle is what allows us to tap into it and share that we never imagined possible. We see them as (Gasp!) holy.
experience with others. The holy instant is the content of The vision of Christ is given to anyone who is willing to
what we experience. The miracle we experience brings us see his brother as sinless (T-22.II.13:2).
into the holy instant, and then from the holy instant we
extend the miracle to our brothers. 10. A Way of Reaching Another State of Mind
Another way of looking at this is implied by a phrase
Chapter 27, Section IV, “The Quiet Answer,” contains
the Course uses more than once: “the miracle of the holy
one of my favorite definitions of the holy instant. The holy
instant” (T-15.I.15:11, T-18.IV.2:8). This seems to make
instant is a “way of reaching to another state of mind in
the two terms identical: the holy instant is the miracle we
which the answer is already there” (T-27.IV.2:3-4). It
receive and give. In that light, we might restate the
speaks of how our normal state of mind is so conflicted
sequence of events surrounding the holy instant in this
that no answer is possible to our problems. And yet, there
way: First, you receive the miracle of the holy instant
is another state of mind in which the answer exists already.
(internal aspect of the miracle), and second, from this holy
The holy instant consists in reaching to that other state of
instant you extend miracles to your brothers (external
mind. (You may want to read the first two paragraphs of
aspect of the miracle): “Offer the miracle of the holy
Section IV.)
instant through the Holy Spirit, and leave His giving it to
One side of the coin is: because God does
you to Him” (T-15.I.15:11).
not will for us to have problems, every
8. A Miniature of Heaven and
In the holy problem can be answered right now. That is
the real situation. However, the other side is:
Eternity instant, you in our state of mind, “solution is
In the holy instant, you experience experience impossible.” The resolution obviously must
be some way for us to reach a different state
now, in time, what is true in eternity. You
catch a glimpse of Heaven. You get a now, in time, of mind, so that we can recognize that our
foretaste of eternity (T-17.IV.11:1,4). You problems have already been solved by God
enter into the Oneness. You catch a bit of what is true (T-27.IV.2:3-4). The holy instant is that way.
the melody of the eternal song of love
that fills Heaven.
in eternity. The holy instant, then, is a moment in
which you connect with a state of mind in
There are times when what we need is You catch a which all your problems have already been
to escape from the narrow confines of answered. It must be that, if you just think
this world. In those times, we can say, “I glimpse of for a moment. We associate peace of mind
with the holy instant (T-27.V.3:2), but how
will be still an instant and go home”
(W-pI.182.Heading). Sometimes a holy
Heaven. could you be at peace if your problems were
instant is not so much a moment of union unanswered?
with our brothers as it is one of enjoying our union with The Workbook, in Lesson 50, is talking about the holy
God. It is a quiet time of retreat and rest in the Father’s instant when it refers to this same state of mind, where
house, a moment in which the world falls away from your “nothing can threaten...and where nothing can intrude
awareness and your heart returns to God. upon the eternal calm of the Son of God” (W-pI.50.3:3).
The thing to notice is that this is speaking about a state of
mind that already exists. It must exist already if, in it, your
9. A Shift to Vision
problems have been answered already. This is your right
The holy instant shifts you from false perception to mind, and it is part of you. It exists within you and you are,
vision (T-15.IX.1:1-2). You see past the limits of the body in the holy instant, connecting with it, becoming aware of
to what lies beyond the body. You catch a glimpse of a it. You are letting go of all the ego’s defenses against peace
reality that transcends everything you thought was real and accepting the peace that is always, already there, an
until then. It could be a very brief recognition of the Christ inherent aspect of your being.
in one person. It could be an extended, mystical experience This same part of the Text includes a very clear
of the oneness of all beings. Both would be a holy instant. definition of the holy instant in just these terms: “The holy
In a way this is the goal of the Course’s training instant is the interval in which the mind is still enough
program. It seeks to shift us from false perception to the [that is, sets aside the ego’s noisy thoughts for a moment]
vision of Christ, in which Christ is all we see, hear, and to hear an answer that is not entailed within the question
touch in everyone, everywhere (T-24.V.7:7-10). A holy asked” (T-27.IV.6:9).

Fall 2003 13
 Obviously, then, one way of approach to the holy persists,” as Werner Erhard said. I think such things can
instant is to engage in exercises designed to quiet or still best be done by a gentler (but still firm) approach. One
the mind. Meditation, for instance, is one such practice I like is the practice of recognizing ego thoughts,
methodology. affirming I don’t want them, and choosing a Course-based
thought with which to replace them. I do not try to repress
11. A Moment of Stillness the ego thought or force it to go away; rather, I replace it.
I do not get rid of this thought by taking a sledge hammer
The preceding quote speaks of the mind becoming still.
to it, or denying that it is in my mind, but simply by
Stillness, or quiet, is another aspect of the holy instant that
turning my mind elsewhere.
is frequently mentioned. Our right mind is naturally quiet
We need to place both our attempts to have a holy
and calm; it is the ego that is noisy, raucous, and filled with
instant and the results of those attempts into the hands of
shrieks of terror. The ego is constantly busy, frantically in
action, but when we connect with our right mind in the the Holy Spirit. It does not matter what we believe the
holy instant, the noise drops away and we are still. I results are; they are always abundant. “Your benefit will
believe this is what many meditators experience, even not be less if you believe that nothing happens”
though they have not studied the Course. (Some Course (W-pI.124.9:1). The Holy Spirit is grateful for my effort.
references to the still mind are T-28.I.11:1; T-31.I.12:1-4; The gift of the holy instant is always given to my right
T-31.II.6:4; and T-31.II.8:1-6.) mind, and my right mind is grateful to me also, grateful for
You won’t feel that stillness to its full extent or my efforts. “The joy your Self experiences It will save for
experience it profoundly in every holy instant. Sometimes you, and it will yet be yours in full awareness”
we connect with that quiet inner place more clearly than at (W-pI.96.11:4; see also T-1.III.5:4). I receive the benefit
other times. But it is always there, within you. “There is a every time I practice the holy instant, whether or not I feel
place in you where there is perfect peace” it, whether or not it seems like anything
(W-pI.47.7:4; see also T-29.V.1:1-3,2:3-4). happens. The bliss is there whether or not
Once you have experienced it, you know it
Our right I experience it.
is always there, even when the surface of
your mind is agitated. And, with practice,
mind is One image that often helps me drop
through the clouds of fear and into peace is
dropping down beneath the turmoil to “the naturally the image of “going home” (see, for
stately calm within” (T-18.I.8:2), “the quiet example, all of Lesson 182 in the
center” (T-18.VII.8:1-2) that is always quiet and Workbook). It teaches us to “Be still an
present, becomes easier and more
consistently possible.
calm. instant and go home with Him, and be at
peace a while” (W-pI.182.12:9). I think of
Sometimes when I sit down to practice going home to my Father’s house and just
my Workbook lesson, looking for what the Workbook calls resting there a while. I don’t try to force anything. I just
a period “of wordless, deep experience”—which is one picture myself walking into a place and feeling at home,
way it describes the holy instant (W-pII.In.11:2)—my and sitting down to rest. Just for a moment, just for a little
mind will just be filled with thoughts. I can’t get still. I while, I am resting, here at home. Sometimes just
can’t seem to quiet my mind and let go of its busy-ness. I repeating the words, “I am at home with God,” or similar
may practice some meditation technique like focusing on words, will draw me into that experience of peace.
the breath or offering peace of mind to everyone I think of
(Workbook Lesson 108). Sometimes these methods work.
Sometimes they don’t. The goal of the still mind is 12. A Release from Physical Restrictions
important and should always be before us, and attempts to In what we might call a “full-blown” holy instant, our
reach it are always valuable, but the most important things awareness of our bodies falls away. This is not like what is
are our desire for it and our faithfulness to the practice. called an out-of-body experience; rather, the body is
When there is a storm at sea, the surface of the ocean virtually forgotten. Our attention is completely on
may be violently agitated. The waves may crash and clash
something else (see T-18.VI.10-14, especially paragraph
together. Foam may spray up into the air. But deep, down
13). What is happening is that, for a moment, we are
deep, there is a placid calm. Our mind is like that. On the
days when I cannot seem to get beyond the whitecaps of sloughing off our imagined bodily identities and
my mind, I remind myself that the peace is there; I’m just expanding into the vastly larger identity that is truly ours
unable to be aware of it. in spirit. While I do not think we need to berate ourselves
I think trying to manufacture particular feelings, or if we have not experienced this loss of body awareness, it
trying to forcibly resist certain thoughts, in order to is a valid measure of the extent to which we have entered
achieve a holy instant is a mistake. “What you resist, into the holy instant and left the world behind.

14 A Better Way
13. An Interval of Light, Knowing Yourself the holy instant is the goal of every day’s practice session
(W-pII.In.3:2).
Perhaps the best single description of what a holy
instant is in the Course, although it does not use the phrase Our times with the Workbook should be much more
“holy instant,” occurs in W-pI.184.10:1-3. I recommend than just reading through the lesson, perhaps mulling over
that you read these words now, and then write them out one or two thoughts from it, and maybe even writing our
and use them to motivate yourself every morning until you thoughts in a journal. These times, clearly, need a period in
have made a daily habit of setting aside time to enter the which we seek to quiet our jangled minds, leaving our dark
holy instant. thoughts behind and entering into the light, finding the
This passage tells us that a holy instant is an interval in deep place within our spirit or mind that is always at peace.
which you leave behind the prison house of the world and We need to, however briefly, disconnect from our bodily
“go into the sunlight” for a while, forgetting the darkness. identities. We need more than to read about our true
You don’t stay there, away from the world—we know Identity; we need to experience It, to connect with It.
because the next sentence in the Workbook says, “And At the end of our successful traverse of the Workbook’s
then step back to darkness”—but just for a moment, just program, we are left with a simple, short lesson: “This
for a brief interval, you allow yourself to experience the holy instant would I give to You. Be You in charge”
freedom that is ours beyond the body and the world. (W-pII.361-365.Heading). At the start of
The part about returning to the darkness each day, then and by implication for the
of this world tells us that we emerge from rest of our lives, we are meant to enter the
these holy moments of quiet and light to The holy holy instant and to give it to the Holy
carry the message of light and peace to the
world around us. To me it is clear that the
instant is an Spirit. In that way we set the tone for the
day, and adjust our mindset so that the
practice described here is what the Course experience of day that ensues will be a seamless
means by practicing the mechanics of a holy
instant. It involves regularly and frequently grace and continuation of that holy instant. That
mental readjustment may be
turning our minds away from the world,
away from the sights and sounds conveyed
stillness. accomplished in a minute, or it may take
by our senses, and focusing instead on the an hour. The Manual for Teachers, in its
spiritual reality that is visible to our inner vision. It means instructions for post-Workbook practice,
setting aside what our senses and thoughts tell us about our tells us that we should continue our meditation (or quiet
sisters and brothers and, instead, listening to what the Holy time, or practice period) “a minute or two after you begin
Spirit tells us about them. to find it difficult” (M-16.4:7). For the entire second half
of the Workbook, we have been instructed to “use as much
Summing Up [time] as we will need for the result that we desire”
(W-pII.In.2:8). During the day, if we become aware of
Considering all these instances and aspects of a holy
slipping off track, we pause and reset, once again seeking
instant, I would define a holy instant as follows:
that holy instant.
The holy instant is an experience of grace and stillness,
All during the day, we carry the fruits of our holy
an instant in which we set aside some or all of our
identification with the ego and our belief in the reality of instants to the world around us. The healing we receive,
the world it has projected, and allow the reality of our true we give, and by giving it we establish it in our own
Identity in God to shine through, an Identity we share with awareness. Indeed, as we have seen, one characteristic of
all the Sonship. the holy instant is an awareness of union with everyone, a
The Course teaches us that we need the experience of recognition of a shared identity. If we truly experience
holy instants to show us what we are, if (as it clearly such union we cannot help but reflect it to the people we
teaches) we are not bodies (W-pI.91.7). In one sense, you meet.
might say that the entire program of the Workbook is Ultimately, “life becomes a holy instant”
directed at inducing such experiences and making them a (W-pI.135.19:1). But that will not happen without effort
habitual and even daily experience. The Introduction to the on our part, without daily and even hourly practice of the
second half of the Workbook even refers to the daily holy instant. We practice it until it becomes our life, until
periods of practice as holy instants, indicating that entering it becomes our constant, habitual state of mind. ✺

Fall 2003 15
 Circle Mailbox
Thank you for your letters to the Circle. We enjoy receiving them and sharing them with our readers.
These letters are on a variety of topics, and include your letters to the editor of A Better Way, and your
comments on our various services, programs, publications, and on our website. Write us at P.O. Box
4238, W. Sedona, AZ 86340, or send us an e-mail at info@circleofa.com. Letters may be edited for space
and clarity.
Thank you all so much for your newsletter. It has My True Church” and I was truly surprised. How can
inspired me to change my perspective on life, and any of us read and study ACIM and not know that we
enabled me to inspire others to instill some goodness in are here to perform miracles? Yes, perform miracles! I
the heart, while showing others that forgiveness is the know the thought is frightening to those with self-
perfect remedy for healing the pain of the heart, and that doubt. Either Jesus is the author of ACIM or he is
only love can bring happiness to the spirit and soul. not. The Course is very simple. Don’t try to
intellectualize love. You cannot. Just remember, no one
Jose Anthony Colon is a stranger or you are a stranger to yourself and you
Crescent City, California have forgotten God. See love in yourself and in others
✳✳✳ and let the power of the Holy Spirit guide you in
becoming a “true” healer.
I want to thank you for your help in the articles,
books, and the newsletter that I have been receiving for Christina
years. They have been inspirational and very helpful in By e-mail
my own individual spiritual path with A Course in ✳✳✳
Miracles.
I just finished reading “This Is My True Church.”
Robert J. O’Connor Thank you.
Holbrook, New York I started studying the Course twelve years ago when
✳✳✳ my husband was diagnosed with an incurable cancer,
and I went back to it a few years after he died. While it
I just wanted to communicate to you my
helped with learning how to give unconditional love, I
appreciation for the Circle and its value to me on my
found it to be lacking in discussions and actual service
spiritual path. I see each of you as my teacher and I
to the poor and the outcast.
especially appreciated and benefited from Issue #41 of
A Better Way. What a great issue. Every one of the I have been drawn to and finally called to fulfill this
articles had cogency and seemed to offer insights and service mission full-time, and as I did, I also went on a
guidance that were especially apropos to where I am on search of like-minded people. Except for a few people,
my spiritual path. Have no doubts that your efforts are I have not found the so-called New Age groups to
helpful to those on the quest and that you are engage in much service work—unlike the Christians I
successfully achieving your mission. have encountered. I have opened a nonprofit agency
and I primarily teach self-empowerment and self-love
Lucien Rose to clients of nonprofit organizations—homeless
Plano, Texas women, abused women, homeless youth, caregivers,
✳✳✳ cancer patients, and others who feel outcast. I also
work with their staff to enrich their work. I would
We received a number of messages in response to welcome an opportunity to engage in a discussion
Robert’s article, “This Is My True Church,” and Greg’s
group or perhaps a workshop at the Circle of
Q & A on the Great Rays, both recently posted on our
website (www.circleofa.com): Atonement.
Thank you again for your article and your insight.
Today was the first day I went online to search for
an A Course in Miracles site. I was curious to see what Janet Bauer
was out there. I found Robert Perry’s article “This Is By e-mail

16 A Better Way
 Many thanks for the article on the Great Rays. It focusing on how to realize our God-given power. Using
lifted me out of a dark place. the “hundredth monkey” theory, if enough of us held
the truth that we are all-powerful, if enough of us
Sarah Maguire determined to use that power in the best interests of the
By e-mail whole, then soon everyone, including Bush and
✳✳✳
Hussein and North Korea’s leader, would simply find
that they could no longer sustain their selfish interests.
We received the following regarding the war in Iraq
If enough of us were motivated to dedicate our lives to
(which had not yet taken place when this was written):
the truth that our minds are powerful enough to change
the world’s course for the better, perhaps we stand a
Re: A solution to end all wars
chance at actually seeing some real results from all our
Undoubtedly it is good to be informed. Undoubtedly worthy efforts.
there is a place for trying to change other people’s
We don’t have to be content to merely prevent a war.
minds. I support doing everything within our power to
Let’s aspire to end suffering for all humanity forever.
make our voices heard to prevent war in Iraq, but I
Imagine a world without pain, without lack, without
wonder if there is an even more effective approach to
the problem of wars and rumors of wars. Suppose it is death. That is the world God created for us. That is the
all about you changing your mind? You may say, “I world we can manifest by focusing on the possibility
don’t need to change my mind; I know I don’t want that we are as powerful as God created us. God did not
war.” But perhaps there is a solution to the problem change His mind, so now we need only change ours to
which does have to do with you directly. What if your be restored to our truth.
mind really were all-powerful?
I have been told that I was created with all the power Yaani Drucker
and grandeur of God Himself. Perhaps it is worth Wisconsin Dells, Wisconsin

We Can Be Wrong
by Robert Perry
Last year I was talking to a fellow Course teacher, had to say, for a couple of reasons. First, because we
and he mentioned how ironclad my views sound in print. have often been told by people that they appreciate how
He said that what I write—and I think he we qualify our statements and how we
was also including writings from other admit that we have changed our minds.
teachers at the Circle—sounds so well We put a Second, because we ourselves put a high
researched and well argued that there high value value on having open-ended views, on
seems to be no room for error or for learning new things about the Course, on
discussion. In a way, I could understand on having revising old views, and on admitting that
what he was saying. We do have a great open-ended we at times have been wrong. Speaking
deal of confidence that our views are for myself, even though my basic picture
roughly accurate. The basic shape of our views. of the Course has stayed roughly intact,
model of the Course, though constantly new themes are constantly being gathered
growing richer and undergoing change on the detail into it—some of them central—and old themes are
level, has become increasingly confirmed in our minds. constantly being clarified and revised. The level of flux
Yet I was also somewhat taken aback to hear what he is such that, once something I have written is more than

Fall 2003 17
six months old, I often wish that I could rewrite it. In reflected in my 1992 booklet on special relationships,
addition to revising my understanding of various Course where I had chapters on both special hate and special
themes, I have changed my interpretation of a long list love. Slowly, however, I realized that all the references
of Course passages. to special relationships, when read in context, are really
For example, I used to believe that all four kinds of about special love, and that there is only one very brief
practice in the Workbook (morning and evening quiet reference to special hate in the sense in which we
time, hourly remembrance, frequent reminders and normally use the term (as an overtly antagonistic
response to temptation) finally came together in Lesson relationship). This meant that there really isn’t this
153, after which they stay together for the rest of the umbrella idea of special relationships under which are
Workbook. For this reason, one year we threw a “Lesson two sub-categories: special love and special hate. With
153 party,” celebrating the fact that we had reached this the exception of one brief, anomalous reference to
important point where all of the Workbook’s pistons are special hate, the Course really only talks about one
firing, so to speak. I must admit that I category: special love. Since deciding
felt embarrassed when, upon closer this, I’ve had two smaller about-faces.
inspection, I realized that all four kinds
The First, I became persuaded by one of our
of practice really only came together interpreter teachers that the one reference to special
almost fifty lessons later in Review VI. I hate is really talking about special love
got a fair amount of razzing for that one.
needs to (since, after all, special love is actually
I have now gone through three always allow hate). Then, after a few years on that
distinct understandings of “Rules for position, I did a close study of the
Decision,” the section in Chapter 30 of
for potential passage in question and went back to my
the Text where we are told to repeat distance earlier position: the passage is talking
these lines to ourselves: about special hate in the commonly
between his understood sense. As you can imagine,
At least I can decide I do not like
what I feel now…. interpretation I’m tired of changing my mind on this
one.
And so I hope I have been wrong…. of a thing The point is: our minds change a lot
I want another way to look at this….
Perhaps there is another way to look and the thing around here. If you were to attend my
classes, for instance, you would hear me
at this. in itself. talking frequently about new discoveries
What can I lose by asking?
I have made or old views I have revised.
(T-30.I.8:2, 9:2, 11:4, 12:3-4)
While admitting such things obviously makes me look
At first I thought we are supposed to repeat these less than perfect, I see it as a crucial expression of the
lines whenever we were upset about a particular essential relationship that should exist between the
situation. Then I thought we are supposed to repeat them Course and an interpreter. In particular, the interpreter
when we find ourselves having a general resistance to needs to always allow for potential distance between his
asking the Holy Spirit for guidance. Finally, I realized interpretation of a thing and the thing in itself. This is
that we are supposed to repeat them when we are true when one is interpreting anything, but is especially
unwilling to ask the Holy Spirit about a particular true in this case, for the Course quite simply towers
situation, one in which we are attached to a certain above our minds. It is a vast, radical, original, exacting,
course of action and afraid the Holy Spirit will cause us and multileveled teaching. Let me explain what I mean
to change our plans. by each one of these terms:
I have probably made the most about-faces on the
Vast: there are literally thousands of themes circulating
subject of special relationships. At first I accepted the
conventional wisdom that under the generic heading of around in the Course. It would be impossible for any one
special relationships there were two kinds of such person to be familiar with them all.
relationships: special love and special hate. This was Radical: all of the Course’s themes contain a reversal of

18 A Better Way
how we commonly see things. As a result, our minds scenario. There are times when I will draw that pyramid-
will unconsciously soften their radical edge, taking them shaped mountain to look more like a dome.
off their heights and dragging them down closer to how This is how I see my interpreting of the Course. I do
we normally think. my utmost to draw the mountain accurately. I really do
put everything I have into it. But I know that at best my
Original: the Course does echo many ancient ideas, yet
drawing is a rough approximation—it is not the
it also strikes out in bold new directions. Our minds,
mountain—and so I do a lot of erasing and redrawing
with their tendency to interpret the new in light of the
along the way. That, in fact, is why I have confidence in
old, will easily slant the Course so that it sounds just like
my views; I have total faith in my willingness to redraw
the wisdom we have soaked up from so many other
them in response to the true shape of the mountain.
sources.
Because there will always be this distance between
Exacting: the author has a razor-sharp mind; when he my understanding of the Course and the Course itself, it
speaks, he knows exactly what he is crucial that I openly admit to the
means. He is not fuzzy about what he is distance. Otherwise, I will lead people
trying to say. If, in interpreting a As an to believe that the Course is identical to
particular statement of his, you miss the my partial, imperfect understanding.
strike zone by just an inch, then you may
interpreter, Now they will think the Course is
be in the ballpark, but you are not right my job is to contained within the small set of themes
on target. with which I am familiar; they will have
honor the no clue of the thousands of themes that
Multileveled: even if you understand a
statement more or less accurately, there
Course as it is. are really there. They will think that
when they get my watered down views
are always depths to it that remain Yet given they are really getting the undiluted
hidden from view, depths that only come
out when you set that statement next to
what it is, Course. They will nod when they hear
related statements from elsewhere in the I am simply me making the Course sound like their
favorite spiritual wisdom, not realizing
Course.
not going to that it doesn’t really sound like that at
As an interpreter, my job is to honor
the Course as it is. Yet given what it is, I
be able to do all. They will think that my inaccuracies
are the absolute truth, especially if I
am simply not going to be able to do that that perfectly. repeat them often enough. And they will
perfectly. It is too vast, too radical, too think the Course is no deeper than the
original, too exacting and too wading pool of my understanding,
multileveled. There is always going to be some distance having no idea of the oceanic depths that are really there.
between my interpretation of it and what it really is. Even In short, they will think that the vast, majestic
if my understanding of a certain passage is more or less mountain is nothing more than my clumsy little
accurate, that understanding will not perfectly reproduce sketch. And if my whole role is to honor that
what the author had in mind when he dictated that mountain as it is, then I have failed, haven’t I? How
passage. It is just not possible. It is as if I am drawing a much better would it be for me to tell them, “Look,
sketch of a mountain. I may have got the basic shape of I’ve tried to draw the mountain as best I can, but my
the mountain more or less correct in my sketch, but it will drawing does not even begin to do justice to the
not be perfect, and there will be levels of detail on the stunning and humbling beauty of the real thing.” That
mountain—rocks, trees, leaves, animals, insects—that do is why we at the Circle believe it is so important to
not show up in my sketch at all. And that is a best-case admit that we can be, and often are, wrong. ✺

Fall 2003 19
 The Circle of Atonement Friends of the Circle
Mission Statement
To discern the author’s vision of
A Course in Miracles and manifest
An Invitation to Join with Us
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students, and in the world. Circle of Atonement and would like to help us fulfill our role with A Course
1. To faithfully discern the author’s vision in Miracles, we invite you to consider joining the Friends of the Circle. Over
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they express. We thereby seek to discover
the Course as the author saw it. in our fulfilling our vision and mission statement (see opposite).
2. To be an instrument in Jesus’ plan to
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Benefits
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20 A Better Way