Final Draft
Final Draft
Final Draft
Jenni Mrkva
Professor Dunham
Eng. 1201
14 April 2019
accused many times. Why are the lines of consent so blurred? There should not be a gray area
when it comes to rape. I think back to my own personal experience with this topic. I lost my
virginity at the age of sixteen to my boyfriend at the time, despite that not being what I wanted. I
still wonder how my pleading, crying, and continuously saying “no” meant a green light to him.
Despite that, what I felt afterwards may shock you. I felt guilt; that I was a bad girlfriend for not
wanting the same thing as my boyfriend. I had no idea that date rape was a thing. At sixteen, I
was seriously uneducated regarding rape, and he clearly was, too. I firmly believe that education
at an earlier age is the key to making the concept of date rape and consent easier to understand
for everyone.
Rape has been around since the beginning of time. It occurs in every culture, and people
of every age, gender, social status, and race are susceptible to rape. A quick Google search will
produce heinous headlines like “Mother Charged for Allegedly Allowing Two Men to Rape Her
Mrkva 2
Toddler”, “Baltimore Teen Charged in Elderly Woman’s Rape”, and “I’m a Man Raped by a
Woman Twice my Age.” Date rapes are the most common kind of rape, yet the accused are not
getting prosecuted. One of the biggest reasons that date rape is so hard to convict, is that the
victim and the accused possibly have had/currently have a sexual relationship. It seems that “no
means no” often loses its meaning after a relationship has been established.
Victims of rape often suffer physically during the act, but afterwards there can be
physical and emotional trauma. Rape victims are more prone to attempted suicides and self-
harm. They can turn to drugs or alcohol as a form of coping. They can develop eating or
sleeping disorders, depression, or suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder (Rape, Abuse &
Incest National Network). The act of sex is supposed to be between two consenting adults and
can be an amazing thing. If victims of rape can present these types of symptoms after, it is
it.
12 and 17, and 57% of the perpetrators are white. (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network).
Gone are the thoughts of someone snatching you on a deserted path and insert thoughts of being
daughter, I am appalled at the fact that 15% of rape victims are between the ages of 12 and 17.
My step-daughter recently started her period. She in the 5th grade. If she were to be raped, she
could become pregnant. She still plays with dolls and stuffed animals (which she calls
“stuffies”). As a society, we must look past the “political correctness” of teaching children about
sex at a younger age. If girls that age are able to get pregnant, then sexual education should start
well before that. Not teaching kids (girls especially) about their bodies, the changes, and what is
acceptable and not is a huge disservice to children. Not only to potential victims, but to potential
rapists as well.
Brad Bailey Law posted an article in their online blog that listed five reasons why
prosecutors have difficulty prosecuting rape cases. The number one reason is that words don’t
equal beyond a reasonable doubt (Bailey). It is the state’s duty to prove, through witnesses and
evidence, that the defendant is guilty beyond a reasonable doubt (James W.H. McCord). The “he
said, she said” back and forth rhetoric (and the defense team working against the victim) makes
it very hard for a juror, remaining unbiased, to see the crime beyond a reasonable doubt. Some
other reasons that Brad Bailey Law listed were delayed reporting and lack of evidence in the rape
kits. Jurors will doubt the credibility when a victim doesn’t report right away. Often times, law
enforcement will not have a victim get a physical rape assessment after the rape occurs. These
examinations rarely show evidence to a forced sexual encounter. This also creates doubt in the
mind of jurors, because if force cannot be shown, then, in their eyes, it must not have happened.
There are laws in place regarding rape. The Ohio Revised Code 2907.02 defines rape
and the punishment if an accused is convicted (LAWriter Ohio Laws and Rules). However,
since we cannot always rely on the judicial system to always bring the accused to justice, we
Mrkva 4
need to be focusing more on the preemptive strategies. Sarah Gill, an attorney, suggests that if
we add new laws that better define the lines of consent, that would help to aid prosecutors
convict the accused. She states that “a law that requires affirmative consent may teach people
the importance of ascertaining the preferences of the other party involved.” (Gill) That type of
law would go a long way because it would establish more defined ground rules, so to speak, for
consent.
In addition to establishing new laws, Gill also is an advocate for placing education
programs in schools. One of her biggest issues is that there are so many date rape stereotypes.
She suggests that since men and women believe in these stereotypes, then they need to be
dispelled. She believes that, through education, men and women can better understand these
Gill wrote about a study that was done where boys and girls between the ages of 14 and
19 were given seven scenarios and were asked when in these scenarios it would be acceptable for
a person to make someone do something sexual against their will. The scenarios included things
like when a male pays for a date, the female wore sexy clothes, or the female and male are in a
relationship. Results of the scenario questions showed that males are much more likely to think
that it would be acceptable to force a female to participate in some form of sexual activity. After
those questions were presented, the same group of people participated in a 45-minute
presentation that discussed rape and gender roles. The participants, several weeks later, were
then given the same set of scenarios. Results of those questions showed that most of the
participants now felt that most of the scenarios were not acceptable to force someone into sexual
activity. However, one scenario still showed up as acceptable for many of the males in the
study: if the female and the male were in a relationship. The male teenagers in the study still
Mrkva 5
thought it would be acceptable to force their significant other to participate in a sexual activity
Unfortunately, many state laws almost allow the rape of a spouse. Gill’s suggestion to
implement new laws regarding consent would go a long way in aiding in these situations. Since
these laws are just speculation at this point, we must focus on the education. Parents cannot
allow the schools to take on this entire responsibility. If you have ever heard the phrase “it takes
a village to raise a child” this is definitely one of the places it comes into play. I believe there
needs to be a much better sexual education program in the schools and that it needs to start when
the children are younger, but I also think that the parents need to step in and teach the children
what they can at home. Set an example for the children and show them how men and women are
There are many resources out there for parents to help bring up the subject and teach it at
a level appropriate for the children. One of the best things I have seen so far is a YouTube video.
It is great for almost any age. It talks about consent for sex but uses “drinking a cup of tea” in
place of sex. The video, illustrated with stick people, states that “if someone is unconscious, you
should never pour tea down their throat” and “just because someone said yes to tea last week,
does not mean that they want to drink tea again this week.” (Blue Seat Studios). It is sad that we
need such videos to explain something that seems so common-sense, but they prove to be
Safe Haven of Pender County is a non-profit organization in North Carolina that is a safe
place for domestic violence victims. They provide resources and shelter. In addition to that,
they operate an education program in school and has for the last seventeen years. Their
Mrkva 6
education program teaches children starting at the kindergarten age and goes all the way to the
12th grade. Their curriculum is age appropriate for each grade level (DeSantis).
Teaching children consent and sexual education at an early age does not mean that
kindergarteners should know each and every detail of how children are made. There are plenty
of ways to start education early and continue it throughout elementary, middle, and high school;
teaching more detailed lessons as the children get older. Children are taught to share everything
from an early age. If a child comes up and wants a toy that another child has, the child with the
toy is often encouraged to give the toy to the other child. Is this type of teaching hurting our
children as they get older? It seems to point people in the direction of, if you want something,
I read a blog article once and it stuck with me. Parents; we always want to do what is
right and best for our children. When I see something that goes against the grain, it makes me
curious. I read the article not expecting much, but what I found in the article was a lesson that I
will never forget, and one that I wish more people would adopt. In the article, the author, Jorrie
Varney, talks about how her daughter loves to take her toys with her everywhere they go, and
how it draws quite a bit of attention from other children. When the other children ask to play
with the toys, her daughter will usually share but sometimes does not want to. Varney does not
make her daughter share if she does not want too. She says that “what’s mine is yours is not a
concept I subscribe to as a parent.” (Varney) That is a lesson on consent right there. Her
daughter is being taught boundaries and that she is able to make those types of decisions for
herself.
Kathryn Stamoulis has her Ph.D. in psychology. She has worked with rapist and victims
as a therapist and teaches a psychology class. She is also a mother to boys. In her class, she has
Mrkva 7
discussed the issue of date rape. It was mentioned that, when growing up, parents and educators
are taught to remind girls to use the buddy system, to not wear clothing that could be
misconstrued, and that getting drunk or high could result in someone taking advantage of you. If
girls are learning all these things, and girls are most often the victims, what are we teaching our
boys (Stamoulis)?
She once counseled a rapist, a 19-year-old boy. The boy said that despite the victim
being passed out during the rape, he thought it would be ok because she had previously shown
interest in him. He was genuinely distraught at what happened because he did not think he did
anything wrong. Stamoulis firmly believes that a solid sexual education or better parental
On Morning Edition, a podcast from NPR, they discussed what some politicians and
survivors are doing to try to bring sexual education into schools at an earlier age. Bob Kraft,
owner of the New England Patriots, is among one of the power players to start a group called
MVP – Mentors in Violence Prevention. MVP is a program that teaches teens about good and
bad relationships and also how to help out when a bad relationship is spotted. One of the students
that participated in MVP, Otto Zaccardo, said that the program helped him recognize that one of
his friends was in a potential date rape situation and helped her out of it. Zaccardo says that we
need to adjust our line of thinking when we are younger. "It starts to be part of your culture," he
says. "So by the time you get to college, it's second nature, it's already hardwired into our brain."
(Smith)
Some might argue that starting sexual education so young is wrong and that teaching
children about sex at earlier ages will make them want to engage in sexual acts. This is simply
not true. If a subject is made to seem normal (sexual education) and it is taught unbiased and
Mrkva 8
more thoroughly, children will not think twice about it. My youngest son is nine years old. He
loves reading and learning about everything. He has been reading books about science, the
universe, and the body for as long as I can remember. By the age of seven, he knew the correct
terms for all of the genital body parts and also how babies are made. For him, it was just another
piece of the puzzle. He knew one part was involved so something else had to be involved, as
well. When he figured it out, he asked me about it. I confirmed what he knew, and his response
Children are very smart. If we give them the education they need early on, they have
more time to process it and learn it. Younger children have not yet been exposed to the fact that
sex is seen as taboo in this country. If they are educated about it at an earlier age, it won’t be a
big deal to them when they are older. As a 5th grader watching a video showing a live birth, I
was mortified. I had already learned that “we don’t talk about those things.”
Most schools currently, if at all, teach a brief sexual education course between the age of
5th grade and 7th grade. The course will go over body parts and the act of sex. Schools generally
teach abstinence. While I do agree that abstinence needs to be in the fore-front, I think that
schools not teaching everything is a disservice to the children. Studies have shown repeatedly
that teaching children all aspects of sex, including the act itself, what can happen, sexual health,
options, etc., it helps them to see the bigger picture. The more they know, the more likely they
Teaching children sexual education and consent go together. The act of sex involves two
people and both people must be in agreeance. There is no other way around that. It isn’t a
maybe. It must be two very clear answers of yes. Implementing sexual education/rape and
consent education into schools at an early age would make changes in rape culture and the
Mrkva 9
amount of date rapes we see. There are some rapists that have actual mental health issues and
have no empathy and cannot act in a normal manner. No amount of education will help these
individuals. However, if we start teaching actual sexual education in schools and at home at a
younger age, some of the other would-be rapists would think before they acted. There should be
Works Cited
Bailey, Brad. "Why Prosecutors Find It Difficult To Prosecute Date Rape Cases." 15 February
2017. https://www.bradbaileylaw.com/legal-blog/2017/february/why-prosecutors-find-it-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=169&v=fGoWLWS4-kU. 20 March
2019.
Boskey, Elizabeth. "Top 10 Reasons to Support Sex Education in Schools: Research Finds
https://www.verywellhealth.com/support-comprehensive-education-schools-3133083. 21
March 2019.
DeSantis, John. "When ‘No’ is not Enough / Lack of Evidence can Make Date Rape Difficult to
assault/.
Fig. 2. . Perpetrators of Sexual Violence Often Know the Victim. Washington, DC.
https://rainn.org/statistics/perpetrators-sexual-violence.
Gill, Sarah. "Dismantling Gender and Race Stereotypes: Using Education to Prevent Date Rape."
James W.H. McCord, Sandra L. McCord, C. Suzanne Bailey. Criminal Law and Procedure for
Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network. Perpetrators of Sexual Violence: Statistics. n.d.
Smith, Tovia. "To Prevent Sexual Assault, Schools And Parents Start Lessons Early." 9 August
2016. https://www.npr.org/2016/08/09/487497208/to-prevent-sexual-assault-schools-
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-new-teen-age/201501/teaching-our-sons-
Varney, Jorrie. "No, I Don't Make my Kids Share - and This is Why." n.d.