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The New Euro English

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The New 'EuroEnglish' Standard

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby


English will be the official language of the EU rather than German,
which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her
Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room
for improvement, and accepted a five year phase-in plan that would be
known as 'EuroEnglish.'

In the first year, 's' will replace soft 'c.' Sertainly this will make the sivil
servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be dropped in favour of the 'k.'
This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
troublesome 'ph' will be replased with the 'f.' This will make words like
'fotograf' 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to
reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have
always ben a deterent to akurate-speling. Also, al wil agre that the
horible mes of the silent letters in the language is disgrasful, and they
should go away.

By the 4th yer, pepl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' with 'z'
and 'w' with 'v.' During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from
vords kontaning 'ou,' and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer
kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz year, ve vil hav a rele sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls
or difikultis and evrivun vil find tu undrstand ech ozer.

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