Wait, How Do I Write This Email?

Chapter 1

How to Write

Everything Better

How to be Brief

YOU MAY NOT REALIZE IT, BUT YOU’RE A PROFESSIONAL WRITER.

Every day, you type words on the screen and place them before your friends, colleagues, clients and extended network. In essence, you put your writing ability on display for everyone to see.

That’s why in Chapter 1, I show you easy ways to edit your work and improve how it looks and feels to the reader. Use these resources as you send emails, write job applications and correspond with people online.

In order to learn extremely effective writing skills, it’s quite important that you are paying close attention and following instructions.

By the end of this chapter, you’ll recognize all the problems with the above sentence. I count five issues. (Find an improved version on page 17.)

OK. Let’s dive in.

THE ONE QUESTION EVERY GREAT COMMUNICATOR ASKS

Do I need it?

Everything you write, whether an email to one person or a presentation to 5,000 people, requires the Do I need it? treatment. When you cut what you don’t need, your argument becomes stronger and more discernible. Two key parts of the deletion process:

Remove extraneous words that make your writing too long (more on page 3)

Remove ideas and arguments that distract the reader (more on page 6)

Questions to ask as you work on professional documents:

Resumes

Do you provide too many bullet points under each job? Three is usually a good benchmark, although you may only have room for one or two (more info on page 215).

Are you too wordy as you describe your duties at each company? Less is more.

Is some of the information so old it’s no longer relevant? For example, you list every internship even though you’ve worked for five years. Time to hit delete.

Cover Letters

Do you explain how the job will boost your own career? Instead, focus on how you can help the company prosper.

Do you include unnecessary details about your life? Focus on what’s relevant to the job.

Does your cover letter summarize your resume? That’s boring. Better to use the letter to tell one great story. More on the storytelling cover letter on page 195.

Speeches and Presentations

Practice your speech in front of someone else. Ask the person, Does it go on too long? If yes, read through each section and then ask yourself, Do I need it? Either find sections to remove, or you’ll give a dull speech.

Does your talk occasionally drift from the main topic or central argument? Locate parts that aren’t essential and remove them.

Do you spend too much time on any one topic? Are there sections you can cut out entirely? If so, delete them.

A speech isn’t about you. It’s about the people in the crowd who take your message to heart. "Does the audience need to hear it?" That’s what counts.

Emails

Does the reader have to hunt to find your main point? Help the person out.

NOTE: What’s essential? The main argument or one big request. Everything else deserves the Do I need it? treatment.

Do you devote too many words to the problem? The reader would prefer you lay out a solution.

Is the email you’re about to send necessary at all?

We are trained to think the delete key is a negative. Like we only press the button when we screw up. Nonsense.

The delete key is the most important command on the keyboard. With every stroke, we strengthen our writing.

How to improve everything you write in three minutes

The tutorial below allows you to improve anything you write in a few short minutes. Keep these pages handy!

STEP ONE: When you finish your document, hit CTRL+F to bring up the search function.

STEP TWO: One by one, look for these words and delete/amend them.

very, just and really (remove all three)

that (delete, as in I believe that you are correct)

quite (delete, excess word)

thing (replace with specific word for the thing)

utilize (switch to use or pick another verb)

get or got (pick another, more descriptive verb)

-ing verbs (The boy is running becomes The boy runs)*

STEP THREE: Read over your work to check your edits.

*The -ing verbs bullet point deserves further explanation. At the start of an email, you may want to use the phrase I’m writing as in I’m writing to introduce myself. In my view, that’s an acceptable use of an -ing verb because it’s the best way to begin. I write to introduce myself is too stilted.

In many other cases, you can cut the -ing and the sentence still makes sense. Here’s one more example with multiple -ing words:

At my most recent job, I was responsible for managing projects, working with clients and overseeing our budget.

Let’s chop down the three -ing verbs.

At my most recent job, I managed projects, worked with clients and oversaw our budget.

The original sentence has 18 words and 31 syllables.

The revised sentence has 15 words and 22 syllables.

Brevity makes you sharper. Plain and simple.

Filler words to cut out and why

Let’s go a bit further than the three minute exercise. Here are five more words and phrases you need to delete, along with an explanation for why you shouldn’t use them.

1.   Amazing

In an unscientific poll I conducted by…well, observing the conversations around me, I have concluded amazing is the most overused word in our vocabulary.

Why? A word that means everything actually means nothing.

Man, that show was so amazing last night. What an amazing crowd and the guitar solo at the end? Amazing.

See my point?

Words to use instead of amazing: fascinating, astounding, breathtaking, spectacular, terrific, magnificent and unbelievable. Need more? Grab a thesaurus.

2.   Definitely

Like amazing, the word definitely has become a filler term. You can remove definitely and the sentence retains its meaning.

I’m definitely glad Susan was at the happy hour to help with the awkward conversation.

Becomes…

I’m glad Susan was at the happy hour to help with the awkward conversation.

Same difference.

Also, no more definately. There’s only one correct spelling.

3.   Literally

This is literally the funniest thing I’ve ever seen…

You have literally got to be kidding me…

Are you literally about to do this?

Literally has also become a filler word, an uninspiring adverb with zero flavor or style.

Delete whenever possible. The word literally does nothing for you.

4.   In Order

The words in order may turn up in our writing for three reasons:

We try to make our sentences more professional.

We use them out of habit.

We assume the two words need to be there.

For example, I wrote this line in order to show you how to use less words.

If we remove in order, the meaning stays the same.

I wrote this line to show you how to use less words.

5.   Such As

A tiny phrase, sure, but such as screams out, I’m trying to impress you!

For example, "My internship taught me a range of skills such as project management, problem solving and time management."

People rarely use such as in normal conversation. So why write it?

Instead, use like as in "My internship taught me a range of skills like project coordination, problem solving and time management."

When you finish writing and start the revision process (hint: print out the page to spot errors), make sure you search the document for such as.

Remember: when it comes to documents like job applications, the reader is the only one who matters.

How to remove big sections of text

Now that we have covered easy ways to remove words and short phrases, let’s turn our attention to big ideas and chunks of words.

Cover letter, presentation, speech, formal work document — you should edit EVERYTHING you write. Before you consider a document finalized, be tough on yourself and chop it down.

No one will ever say, "This person’s document is way too short. Now what am I supposed to do with all my free time?"

I created a chart to help tighten your writing. Are the rules hard and fast? No. They are a reminder to give people exactly what they need and not a word more.

Questions to Ask as You Remove Words

Is each sentence — or part of the sentence — absolutely necessary to make your point?

Do any sentences repeat a point already made?

Which sections are least essential?

If you HAD to remove a paragraph, which one would it be?

Does it feel like a section drags or slows down the pace?

#1 Rule: Never fall in love with a particular line.

Let’s look at three examples to understand how we delete chunks of words.

1. Two paragraphs of a personal statement for graduate school

Too long version:

My career path so far has been unconventional but valuable every step of the way. Yes, I could have gone the usual route like my peers: graduate college, dive into a regular 9-to-5 job, wear a suit and tie and battle every day in traffic, but that life doesn’t appeal to me. It might be a great option for others, but I had different plans. After graduation, I decided to go down a road few people would consider, and it’s made all the difference in my life. I joined a service organization and spent two years in a village in Madagascar.

When I arrived in the village, I wanted to turn around and run home. I felt so alone and out of my comfort zone. Sure, in college I had traveled a good amount. I studied abroad in Barcelona, which is where I learned to speak Spanish fluently. But now I was in Africa and my Spanish skills wouldn’t be much use. With the help of a local fisherman named Haja, I integrated into the culture of the village and…

OK, that’s enough. As you read those two paragraphs, did you notice how they wander and lose focus? The writer repeats the same ideas and includes information that distracts from the main point: why the experience in a service organization makes the person an ideal fit for the graduate program.

Key sections to delete:

Yes, I could have gone the usual route like my peers: graduate college, dive into a regular 9-to-5 job, wear a suit and tie and battle every day in traffic, but that life doesn’t appeal to me. It might be a great option for others, but I had different plans.

Wonderful for you but not essential information. Delete.

Sure, in college I had traveled a good amount. I studied abroad in Barcelona, which is where I learned to speak Spanish fluently. But now I was in Africa and my Spanish skills wouldn’t be much use.

Not necessary to include. Delete.

The much shorter version:

After graduation, I decided to go down a road few others would consider, and it’s made all the difference in my life. I joined a service organization and spent two years in a village in Madagascar.

When I arrived in the village, I wanted to turn around and run home. With the help of a local fisherman named Haja, I integrated into the culture of the village and…

Faster, sharper, more focused. In the second version, the writer eliminates information that’s redundant or unnecessary. Ask yourself:

Do I stray from the main point?

Do I provide extraneous information?

Be tough on yourself. Be critical.

2. One paragraph of a big email to coworkers

Too long version:

I want to address what happened last night at the gala, why the evening became chaotic and how our team needs to improve to make sure what happened never happens again. I have received numerous complaints either in person or over email from people who were upset with the food, our service and how we mixed up entrees for over 50 people. In all my years of event planning, I have never been so embarrassed by a team’s performance, and again I hope this email can help us improve, especially because we have another big dinner on Saturday night, and we need to be at our best. Now, the first problem we need to correct is communication between the kitchen and the servers. It’s a simple process: talk with the chefs before dinner service begins and make sure they understand how many meals to cook that are fish, chicken or vegetarian. That’s a basic, fundamental part of the night for us. All you need to do is keep an open dialogue, and we won’t have these food screw-ups. The second issue is…

Whew. Are you exhausted from that paragraph? I am. And I wrote it!

Can you pick out the sentences with redundant information? Did you choose these three?

I want to address what happened last night at the gala, why the evening became chaotic and how our team needs to improve to make sure what happened never happens again.

I have never been so embarrassed by a team’s performance, and again I hope this email can help us improve, especially because we have another big dinner on Saturday night, and we need to be at our best.

All you need to do is keep an open dialogue, and we won’t have these food screw-ups.

We can delete parts of each sentence or the entire section because all three are repetitive.

Also, the paragraph itself is way too long. Let the reader take in each sentence and give the message room to breathe.

The much shorter version:

I want to address what happened last night at the gala and how our team needs to improve. I have received numerous complaints either in person or over email from people who were upset with the food, our service and how we mixed up entrees for over 50 people.

We have another big dinner on Saturday night, and we need to be at our best.

Now, the first problem we need to correct is communication between the kitchen and the servers. It’s a simple process: talk with the chefs before dinner service begins and make sure they understand how many meals to cook that are fish, chicken or vegetarian.

The second issue is…

Not only does the revised version read better, but it also makes the person more authoritative. Less words = more impact. And I like this sentence as its own line:

We have another big dinner on Saturday night, and we need to be at our best.

Now the sentence has umph and power. It’s not buried inside a huge paragraph.

One more key strategy: when you make a point, don’t dwell on it. People understand you the first time.

3. Intro paragraph of an important speech to your team

Thank you, Sarah, for the kind introduction. And thank you for your hard work all year on some of our biggest client accounts. Today, I want to talk with everyone about where our company has gone and where I believe we are headed. You know, all year we work so hard and stay so focused on the bottom line, and we rarely have a chance to step back and assess our progress. Today, that’s exactly what we’re going to do. I promise to keep my remarks short so stay with me.

Everyone, next year we will need to make the biggest decision in the ten-year history of our company…

The intro paragraph is, in a word, terrible. The speaker immediately loses everyone’s attention with empty rhetoric like:

You know, all year we work so hard and stay so focused on the bottom line, and we rarely have a chance to step back and assess our progress. Today, that’s exactly what we’re going to do.

And people in the audience sit there and think, OK, start assessing already!

In our third and final editing example, I will do the unthinkable. Yes, I will now delete an entire paragraph. Dun Dun Dunnnnnn.

The best writers know any sentence or paragraph is on the chopping block.

The much shorter version:

Thank you, Sarah, for the kind introduction.

(short pause)

Everyone, next year we will need to make the biggest decision in the ten-year history of our company…

Boom. Now, the speech opens with some sizzle and drama. Skip the politically correct, uninspiring jargon. Get right to the good stuff. The audience is dialed in and ready to absorb the message.

Now, your turn. Look at your document, add up the words and find parts to remove. Also, you might want to approach people you respect to review your work.

Ask them, What parts are least essential? What can go?

Then, let the deletions commence.

Why you shouldn’t use adverbs

I used to be a fan of adverbs, in particular ly words. I would add them all the time for emphasis, as if the adjective alone wouldn’t cut it.

Then I had a change of heart. In most cases, I realized adverbs are useless and take up space.

Like the kid