Badcock Tour: Badcock Series, #1

Prologue

Hollywood High School 1998

I peer out just past the teal curtain and try to control my breathing. The whole school is out there and I’m about ready to have a panic attack. I’ve never seen the auditorium this full.

Why did I let you talk me into this? I stare up at one of my best friends since kindergarten. Lisa’s always been tall for her age, but since we started high school, she doesn’t seem to have stopped growing. Me, I stopped at twelve. I’m going to be nugget sized for life.

Because this is our last chance to do something together, all three of us, before Jodi moves back to England over the summer. Not to mention that we’re going to be juniors soon and need to build up our reps.

I sigh at the mention of Jodi moving away. I’m not sure what we’ll do without her. Then I look back out at the audience and my earlier jitters are back. I still don’t think I can go out there. Each word is rushed out in a jumbled mess, but somehow they understand me.

Lisa puts her hands on my shoulders, forcing me look up at her. You can and you will.

Relax. It’s just a school talent show. You got this in the bag, luv, Jodi assures.

I eye both of them in their outfits, not buying it. That’s easy for two to say. You’re not the one dressed like this. I gesture towards my tight as shit pants. "You’re both all done up like Malibu Barbie, with coconut bras."

You’re rocking the shit out of your outfit. It doesn’t escape my attention that Lisa ignores the differences in our outfits.

Tell me again why I’m wearing your little cousin’s pants? I still can’t believe I let them put me in these things.

You’re the only one short enough to fit into them. Lisa motions towards my legs. Being vertically challenged really sucks sometimes.

I’m still not convinced. And I had to dress up like the guy, because?

Jodi shrugs. Because we needed one and your tits haven’t come in yet, so it’s easier for you.

I suck in an annoyed breath and ignore the comment about my lack of boobs. Someday I will have them. The song is called ‘Barbie Girl’. I think we could have managed.

Then who’s going to do the Ken parts? Lisa’s eyebrows pinch together.

Stewie Haskell? I eye her down.

That’s bloody brilliant. We should have asked him. Jodi claps her hands together, loving my suggestion.

Uh, no. Lisa shuts us both down.

Why not? I’m in the mood to poke the Lisa bear right now. He has a huge crush on you. I bet he’d dress up like a girl and sell candy on a street corner if you asked him to.

Probably, but not going to happen. Lisa’s whole body cringes.

Fine. Just know that someday I’m going to have ginormous jugs and I’m going to beat you both with them. I glance from Jodi to Lisa.

And I promise to remind you of how fabulous your tits are when you finally get some, Lisa teases.

Here. Jodi suddenly hands me a roll of socks.

I give her a funny look. Thanks, but I’m already wearing socks, Jo.

She snorts. It’s not for your feet, luv.

Then what’s it for? Her eyes motion towards my crotch and the light bulb goes off. Thanks, but no thanks. I can barely breathe in these pants, let alone wear underwear. I can’t fit anything extra inside. Not that I would even consider putting a sock in my crotch. The bulge would make me the butt of some serious jokes.

Jodi shrugs and stuffs them in her boobs instead. I’m so engrossed in watching her that I don’t hear him until it’s too late.

Hey, Darcie. His deep voice makes my body freeze.

I suck in a deep breath and prepare to turn and face him—the guy I dream about every damn night—Asher Michaels. When I get an eyeful, my dreams don’t do him justice. His blonde hair is messy and hanging loose around his shoulders. His red flannel shirt hangs loose over his Pearl Jam t-shirt and I have to fight the urge to sigh out loud. The whole Kurt Cobain vibe he has going on has more than half the girls at school wanting to climb him like a tree. The longer his blue eyes linger on my face, the more my cheeks burn. At the same time I feel hot and tingly all over.

Hi, Asher, I squeak out in a high-pitched voice. Lisa and Jodi are snickering behind me, but I ignore them and try to play it cool. You come to this stuff?

It got me out of class. He shrugs like he doesn’t have a care in the world. He probably doesn’t, or he’s just stoned again.

Oh, cool. Oh cool? Could I be anymore lame? I want to spill how much of a crush I have on him, but I’m tongue-tied. It’s as if my entire face has forgotten how to work.

We stare at each other for a few minutes in awkward silence. I feel like he’s waiting for me to give him the go ahead, but I’m terrified I might be misjudging this situation. More grunts from behind remind me where we are standing and I have a sudden burst of courage. I open my mouth to tell him everything when he’s distracted by a group of girls walking by. His gaze follows their every move. Any hope I had of catching his interest goes right down the toilet.

I’ll see you, he says, keeping his gaze on a cheerleader’s ass.

See ya. I have to fight to keep the desperation out of my voice.

He gives me one last look and laughs before he walks out of sight. Nice pants.

Oh no! I completely forgot I was dressed like a damn dude. I think I’m going to be sick. I lean against a nearby wall.

Jodi runs off as Lisa rubs my back and speaks in a soft, soothing tone. Deep breaths. You’ll be fine. Ignore him. He’s an immature asshole who doesn’t deserve to punch your V card.

Too embarrassed to speak, I just nod my head.

Jodi comes barreling towards me holding a paper bag. Here.

I get one whiff and turn my head. Um, Jo. What was in here? It smells like moldy cheese.

Not sure. I took it out of the trash. She’s one of my best friends, but I’m going to kill her.

I throw it on the ground and cringe. That’s nasty.

Minutes later, my meltdown is somewhat under control and it’s time for us to take the stage.

Lisa gives me an encouraging pat on the shoulder as we take our places. I keep my eyes off the audience and focus. I can do this.

Cheers explode inside the auditorium as soon as the music starts. I get lost in the tunes and let it carry me away. The audience is eating up our performance. We are so going to nail this. Jodi and Lisa do their parts with some shakes of the hips and small dance moves thrown in.

Then it’s my turn. A few laughs erupt when they catch my outfit, but I don’t let that bother me. Right now, I own it. I get so into character and lip-synching that I forget everything and everyone. My body moves and sways to the beat. The girls were right; this is fun. Soon, we’re coming to the big finish, so in what I think is a total badass move, I turn my back to the audience and drop to my knees.

The sound of material ripping is the only warning sign I’m given before I feel the cold air hit my butt cheeks. Gasps of shock and laughter soon follow, but there’s only one face that I see and it kills me. Asher is sitting with his friends, pointing at my exposed goods and laughing so hard that he falls out of his chair. My face burns at the humiliation.

Oh, bollocks! Jodi jumps to stand behind me and cover my ass. Don’t worry. I got your bum covered, luv.

Oopsie. Lisa grabs my arms and rushes off stage.

My breathing comes in short, fast spurts. I can’t believe that just happened. I will never live this down.

You’ll be fine. Jodi rubs my back. But, I can go rip off that arsehole’s willy if it’ll help you feel better.

That’s a sweet thought, but I don’t think you want to go anywhere near his junk. He’s probably a walking petri dish of STDs. I sigh. I don’t know what I ever saw in him.

Jodi’s trying to help, but somehow I think that’ll just make our situation worse. For you, I’m willing to take that chance. Her face is intense. I’ve never seen her this pissed, and it’s kind of scaring me. No one hurts one of us and gets away with it.

Yeah, we’ve got your back. Always. Friends ’til the end and all that shit. Lisa’s just as angry as Jodi.

I wrap my arms around them and squeeze. I seriously love you guys. And I really do. I don’t know what I’d do without them. Then I finally realize there’s a hand where it shouldn’t be. Uh, Jo?

Yeah? She’s completely oblivious to where her hand has landed.

You’re hand’s on my boob.

Bugger. Sorry, didn’t see them there.

I sigh. Lisa snorts. Someday I’ll have a decent pair.

Chapter One

Present Day

Los Angeles

Fuck yeah. That’s it. Fuck me harder.

You like that, don’t you, you dirty slut?

I am a dirty slut. Put your big cock in my ass.

Both actors pound away at the blonde as a group of us watch on the sidelines. Years of this shit, and it never changes. The chick fakes an orgasm, long enough for one of the guys to pull out and give her a pearl necklace. Another day, another money shot.

And cut! Richard takes his headphones off and gives them a thumbs up. We got it this time. Then he turns his head towards me, holding his hands out and smiling. Darcie, baby, we make one hell of a team. He gestures towards himself and then points a short stubby finger at me. Beaver and Badcock have another hit on our hands. This script you wrote is the shit.

Thanks. You’d think I’d cured cancer with the amount of praise I’m getting.

Mr. Beaver, there’s an urgent phone call for you in your office. One of his very young, very tan, and very plastic receptionists hands him a slip of paper, eye-fucking him the whole time. The only difference between us is that my carpet, if I had any, would match my drapes, and my big tits are real. I woke up on the morning of my seventeenth birthday with them practically falling out of my shirt. They may have come in overnight, but I’ve been thanking the boob gods ever since.

Richard is hot, so I can’t blame her for staring. But, she doesn’t have to be so obvious about it. A little tact would go a long way. Unfortunately, I don’t think she has the brain cells for it.

I have to go take care of a few things. I’ll meet you in my office. Richard’s toffee eyes gleam down at me like I’m walking candy. He grabs me by the collar of my shirt and plants a wet kiss on my lips. It’s so deep his tongue practically hits the back of my throat. My fingers grab onto his short, dark hair to keep from falling on my ass. The kiss can’t end fast enough.

When he finally pulls away, it takes me a minute to wipe his spit off my face before I answer. Yeah. That’s fine. I have a few things of my own to take care of.

He smiles, pats me on my ass, and then heads off with blondie in tow. My eyes glare into the back of her head, hoping she falls on her face in those fuck-me heels she’s wearing. No such luck, though.

The two male actors walk off the set, their limp dicks swaying in the wind as they pass me, each giving me a playful wink that has me grinning. Sometimes I’m glad I don’t work in a regular office.

The actress is still on the bed covered in their jizz. Can someone get me a towel?

Usually we have a towel boy for this, but he didn’t show up today. I glance around and everyone is wrapped up in their own stuff, not paying her any attention. Well, that or they’re ignoring her on purpose. I’m not a big enough asshole to do that, so that means it falls on me. Fan-fucking-tastic!

The heels of my shoes clank against the concrete floor as I stroll over towards the cart and grab her the biggest towel I can find. She’s going to need it because let’s be honest, that’s a lot of jizz to soak up. When I hand it to her, she smiles and pops her gum. Thanks, doll.

Don’t mention it. I turn around and wipe my hands on my black skirt as I debate on going to my office to finish writing the scene I was working on, but now I’m not in the mood anymore. So, I skip it and head up to Richard’s office. On the elevator ride up, I’m mentally making plans for us for dinner. I’m really in the mood for some Thai food.

When I get to his office, the door is shut, and weird noises are coming from behind it . Then I hear him in an all too familiar tone.

Oh, yeah. I like hearing my balls slap against your ass.

Against my better judgment, I twist the knob and shove open the door.

Asses greet me. Naked asses. Richard pounds into his blonde receptionist from behind on his massive oak desk. The fluorescent lighting really isn’t doing him any favors right now. His skin looks all yellow and jaundice.

I’m so mad I see red. Are you fucking shitting me right now?

Richard freezes mid-thrust and whips his head towards the door. He’s wearing a deer in the headlights look—one that clearly says he’s fucked. And he is, in more ways than one.

Darcie, baby. He pulls out of her and twists towards me, pants around his ankles. His dick is wet and semi-hard, but at least he’s wearing a condom. That’s something.

Don’t you Darcie me, you lying, cheating asshole! I don’t know why I’m surprised. There have been a shit ton of rumors about his on set activities. I heard them all before we even started dating, but like an idiot I tried to be the better person and see the good in him. And will you fucking cover up that shriveled cock of yours? I’m so pissed I debate shoving the heel of my shoe up his ass, but he’d like that too much.

Blondie tugs her dress down, and skirts past me. It takes everything I have not to cold-cock her ass before she makes it to the door. When she’s gone, I cross my arms over my chest and give Richard an angry, hard glare.

You have every right to be upset with me. He holds his hands up in defense, making me want to vomit.

You think? For fuck’s sakes, your fingers are still wet from her! And you’re what? Going to play it off like it’s not a big deal? This is such bullshit!

"It was a moment of weakness. You know I love you. Come on, Darcie baby. Don’t let this one little mistake ruin what we have. We’re so good together." His words are making me gag.

First of all, you can’t tell someone you love them when you’ve had your cock buried in someone else’s pussy only seconds ago. That’s a total dick move! What we have obviously doesn’t mean as much to you as it does to me. And secondly… I struggle to find my next words, but once they come I know they’re the right ones. I quit! I don’t need this job. He can shove it up his ass.

Darcie! He pulls up his pants and moves towards me, but I’m quicker.

I reach the door before he can stop me. The same time I twist the knob, it’s pushed open from the other side, causing me to stumble back a bit. Two large men are waiting in the middle of the doorway. Both of them are African American. One is about three inches taller than the other, but the shorter one has freckles dusting the tops of his cheeks and a scar under his right eye. They both have arms the size of my thighs and that’s saying something, since I workout six days a week.

Can I help you? My words tumble out in a squeaky rush. Their blank expressions are a bit intimidating.

We’re looking for Dick, the larger of the two demands.

I open the door wider and jerk my thumb back in Richard’s direction. The asshole is right behind me.

His eyebrow arches at my comment and then glances over my shoulder. He nods his head to the freckled one. They both move forward through the door, causing me to take a step back and to the side.

Hello, Dick. The larger of the two crosses his arms over his chest.

Terrence would like a meeting, the freckled one adds.

Richard’s demeanor changes. I’m no longer a concern. His face pales as he starts to break out in a sweat. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he was about to shit his pants. Too bad I don’t care right now.

They both look down at me with an expectant glare. I swallow the lump in my throat and take that as my cue to get the hell out of there.

I’ll just be leaving now. I spin around towards the door when Richard attempts to stop me.

We’re not done.

I whip back around to face him and point my finger in his face. Done. Finished. Never want to see you again. Ever! With that parting line, I haul my ass out of there and never look back. I have a date with a gallon of ice cream to eat my feelings away.

As soon as the door shuts, I hear scuffling noises. My temper is still fuming so I don’t pay them much attention. Instead, I go straight to my office and clean it out. It’s a good thing I don’t have a lot of stuff. I’m in and out in less than ten minutes.

In my car, I sit and stare out the windshield. Now that I have time to think, it’s all hitting me. Not only am I single, but now I’m unemployed, too. I scream and bang my hands on the steering wheel. Shit!

The ringing of my phone cuts into my breakdown. I don’t even look at who it is before I answer. Hello?

How’s it hanging, Cocksister? Lisa’s cheery voice blares in my ear.

Awful. Tears spill. Why am I crying over this dick? I just caught Richard banging his receptionist over his desk.

That fucking cuntsicle! I’m going to shove a tampon up his dick and hope it falls off from gonorrhea! she shouts, so loudly that I have to hold the phone way from my ear to avoid going deaf.

As much as I appreciate that, I don’t think you’d want to get that close to his junk. I sniffle.

I’d do it for you. And that is why she’s still one of my BFFs.

Thanks, but I just want to go eat my weight in ice cream. My finger traces along the seam of my steering wheel as I fantasize about a big tub of cookie dough covered in caramel.

No way. Come by the restaurant. I’m working the bar and you could use some alcohol therapy.

I sigh. You’re not going to make me drink one of your weird concoctions again, are you? Last time I was hung over for a week.

Lisa snorts into the phone. They weren’t that bad. You’re just a lightweight. When the silence stretches on the line she adds, You know you want to. There’s a muffled voice in the background that’s hard to make out. Dusty says to get your ass over here or he’s coming to get you. And the drinks are on the house.

Who can turn down free alcohol? She knows me so well.

Exactly. See you in a few.

I hang up and shake my head. Alcohol is better than a solo ice cream binge any day.

Fifteen minutes later, I’m walking through La Casa de Locos, Lisa’s family’s restaurant. It’s decorated like it sounds—crazy. There’s a mixture of Mexican and western decor throughout. Each booth or table even has it’s own special name. Off in the left corner is a giant stuffed horse. I’ve never asked if it was once a real one or not. Truth is, I don’t want to know. It’s creeped me out since I was little. This is what happens when dad’s a huge Roy Rogers fan.

"Hola, mija." Lisa’s mom comes storming out of the kitchen and wraps me up in a tight hug, giving me a mouthful of her salt and pepper hair. She doesn’t speak much English, but that’s never stopped us from communicating.

"Hola, Dolores."

She’s tiny but strong. One thing I learned as a kid is to never piss her off. Shoes will become weapons if you do. Beware of the chancla. Her black eyes glisten at me as her round face smiles. Dolores has some laugh lines showing on her face and crow’s feet around her eyes, but she’s still a knock out regardless. She’s short and curvy with a heart of gold. Lisa’s dad scored with her. He may be American, but he speaks perfect Spanish. You’d never know he learned it from his wife.

"Lisa está en el bar." She gestures towards the back of the restaurant.

"Gracias." That’s about the extent of my Spanish. I pass a group of guys downing beer by the pitcher, and take a seat at the end of the bar.

Lisa’s with a customer, but she sees me and nods her head in acknowledgement. She finishes up their order, turns back and makes another drink before coming over to me.

Here. She shoves what looks like some type of martini in front of me. It’s light pink with a mixture of white, blue, and purple stuff stuck to the rim of the glass. There’s also a blue toothpick with three cherries on it.

I lean forward and sniff it. It smells fruity. My eyes dart up to hers as I wrinkle my nose. Am I going to like this?

Just drink it. She nudges the glass closer.

I cave and take a sip. I’m pleasantly surprised. It’s sweet and salty. There’s a mixture of pineapple along with something bitter. It’s good. What’s it called? I’m mid-sip when she answers.

A Cumdrop Martini. She winks.

I choke, spitting Cumdrop everywhere. Why? Just why? I’m going to kill her.

Lisa tosses me a pile of napkins. Relax. It’s not made with real cum. She puts her finger to the side of her face. Well, at least not yet.

It’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard and yet I can’t stop laughing. Yeah, I’m just gonna let that go.

Got you to laugh, though, didn’t I? She claps her hands together and grins.

You did. You shit. I throw a balled up napkin at her. She puts her hand up and it ricochets off to the side. Still laughing, she throws back a shot. Patrón?

She slams the shot glass back on the counter and shakes her head. No way. It’s Jäger. You know what happens when I have tequila.

The whole fucking town knows what happens when you have tequila. I laugh and take another small sip of my Cumdrop. It’s growing on me.

That was one time. She holds up a finger.

I hold up two. Twice. And security was called both times.

She shrugs. At least it was a night to remember.

Yup. Being arrested with my BFFs is definitely my favorite memory. Loved it when Jodi used her accent to try to seduce the cop out of his pants. My mouth curves into a grin.

Lisa’s eyes gleam. Being handcuffed by a hot as shit cop is always a good time.

I lick the rim of the glass and the taste of salty and sweet hits my tongue. What’s on here?

Lisa’s eyes light up. An awesome mixture of colored sugar and salt that’s like an orgasm on your taste buds.

I nod in agreement. There’s no denying that she’s a genius when it comes to making drinks.

Yo, Lisa! You gonna make me a drink or what? A customer shouts for her attention from the other end of the bar.

Duty calls. She smacks the counter in front of me. "I’ll be