Apes Quotes

“Never call anyone a baboon unless you are sure of your facts.”
― Will Cuppy

“We admit that we are like apes, but we seldom realize that we are apes.”
― Richard Dawkins, A Devil's Chaplain: Reflections on Hope, Lies, Science, and Love

“Hair on a man's chest is thought to denote strength. The gorilla is the most powerful of bipeds and has hair on every place on his body except for his chest.”
― Anton LaVey

“But once an original book has been written-and no more than one or two appear in a century-men of letters imitate it, in other words, they copy it so that hundreds of thousands of books are published on exactly the same theme, with slightly different titles and modified phraseology. This should be able to be achieved by apes, who are essentially imitators, provided, of course, that they are able to make use of language.”
― Pierre Boulle, Planet of the Apes

“For my own part I would as soon be descended from that heroic little monkey, who braved his dreaded enemy in order to save the life of his keeper; or from that old baboon, who, descending from the mountains, carried away in triumph his young comrade from a crowd of astonished dogs—as from a savage who delights to torture his enemies, offers up bloody sacrifices, practices infanticide without remorse, treats his wives like slaves, knows no decency, and is haunted by the grossest superstitions.”
― Charles Darwin, The Descent of Man

“Television's perfect. You turn a few knobs, a few of those mechanical adjustments at which the higher apes are so proficient, and lean back and drain your mind of all thought. And there you are watching the bubbles in the primeval ooze. You don't have to concentrate. You don't have to react. You don't have to remember. You don't miss your brain because you don't need it. Your heart and liver and lungs continue to function normally. Apart from that, all is peace and quiet. You are in the man's nirvana. And if some poor nasty minded person comes along and says you look like a fly on a can of garbage, pay him no mind. He probably hasn't got the price of a television set.”
― Raymond Chandler

“He did not know that the Old One was his father, for such a relationship was utterly beyond his understanding, but as he looked at the emaciated body he felt a dim disquiet that was the ancestor of sadness.”
― Arthur C. Clarke, 2001: A Space Odyssey

“It wouldn't happen... There hasn't been one publication by a monkey”
― Karl Pilkington, The Ricky Gervais Show - First, Second and Third Seasons

“Everything is improved by the judicious application of primates.”
― Chris Roberson

“The shrieks were coming from two quite naked girls, who were pursued by a pair of apes snapping at their bottoms. [...] So he now raises his double-barrelled Spanish rifle, fires and kills both apes. 'God be praised, my dear Calambo! I have delivered these two poor creatures from grave peril; if it was a sin to kill an Inquisitor and a Jesuit, I have made ample amends by saving the lives of two girls [...]'
He was about to continue, but words failed him when he saw the two girls throw their arms lovingly around the two apes and collapse in tears over their corpses, filling the air with the most pitiful lamentations. 'I was not expecting quite so much tenderness of heart,' he said at last to Cacambo, who replied: 'You've excelled yourself this time, Master; you have just despatched the two lovers of these young ladies.' '-Their lovers! Is it possible? You're making fun of me, Cacambo; how could anyone believe in such a thing?' - 'My dear Master,' retorted Cacambo, 'you are always astounished by everything; why do you find it so strange that in some countries it is apes who enjoy the favours of young ladies? After all, they are one-quarter human, just as I am one-quarter Spanish.”
― Voltaire, Candide

“The way most people use and are used by their minds gives substance to the belief that we are barely evolved apes.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“I love chimpanzees. I love their stubbornness and their strength. I love the way they dig their fingers into life and never let it get the better of them. I love the tenderness beneath their wild tempers. I love them because they refuse to apologize for who they are.”
― Vanessa Woods, Bonobo Handshake: A Memoir of Love and Adventure in the Congo

“I've decided language isn't as advanced as we think it is. We're still apes trying to express our thoughts with grunts while most of what we want to communicate stays locked in our brain”
― Glendy Vanderah, Where the Forest Meets the Stars

“it's hard to fool an ape. One reason for that is the absence of distraction by the spoken word. We attach such importance to verbal communication that we lose track of what our bodies say about us.”
― Frans de Waal, Our Inner Ape: A Leading Primatologist Explains Why We Are Who We Are

“Primates arouse a certain nervousness because they show us ourselves in a brutally honest light, reminding us,.....that we are mere 'naked apes.”
― Frans de Waal, Our Inner Ape: A Leading Primatologist Explains Why We Are Who We Are

“Humans are narcissists and we like a cryptid that resembles us. Sea monsters, globsters, out-of-place animals, the potentially not-extinct, and mythic beasts do not hold a candle to an ape-man.”
― Thomm Quackenbush, Holidays with Bigfoot

“Apes or human – we all made the same mistake, tempted by shifting leaves or the smell of sex, by music or a ripe banana.”
― Kathryn Davis, Duplex

“Reprimanded children sometimes can’t stop smiling, which risks being mistaken for disrespect. All they’re doing, though, is nervously signaling nonhostility. This is why women smile more than men, and why men who smile are often in need of friendly relations. One study explicitly looked at this underdog quality of the smile in pictures taken right before matches in the Ultimate Fighting Championship. The photographs show both fighters defiantly staring at each other. Analysis of a large number of pictures revealed that the fighter with the more intense smile was the one who’d end up losing the fight later that day. The investigators concluded that smiling indicates a lack of physical dominance, and that the fighter who smiles the most is the one most in
need of appeasement.”
― Frans de Waal, Mama's Last Hug: Animal Emotions and What They Tell Us about Ourselves

“Interestingly, bonobo percussionists prefer a tempo of 280 beats per minute, the syllabic rate at which most humans speak.”
― Dr Susan Block

“Man has lost the basic skill of the ape, the ability to scratch its back. Which gave it extraordinary independence, and the liberty to associate for reasons other than the need for mutual back-scratching.

Trampling down the leaves like snow in the wild light of the dead citadel, whose prince in days gone by rebelled against his king, for which reason the walls were pulled down.”
― Jean Baudrillard

“It is the apes who control the mind of man.”
― Anthony T. Hincks

“My research into how sleeping in moonlight affects humans came out of my awareness that apes sleep in moonlight.”
― Steven Magee

“The human smile derives from the nervous grin found in other primates. We employ it when there is a potential for conflict, something we are always worried about even under the friendliest circumstances. We bring flowers or a bottle of wine when we are invading other people’s home territory, and we greet each other by waving an open hand, a gesture thought to originate from showing that we carry no weapons. But the smile remains our main tool to improve the mood. Copying another’s smile makes everyone happier, or as Louis Armstrong sang: “When you’re smiling, the whole world smiles with you.”
― Frans de Waal, Mama's Last Hug: Animal Emotions and What They Tell Us about Ourselves

“Why are all apes hairy and the human is relatively hairless? It is our closest genetic relative.”
― Steven Magee

“When visitors toured through IPS, Lemmon encouraged the chimps to perform. The most common trick among them was a cigarette gag. The chimps all liked to smoke, but a few put the lit end of the cigarette into their mouths as if they were making a dumb mistake, and then proceeded to take a long deep drag. First-time visitors always gasped, a response that all the chimps found highly amusing.”
― Elizabeth Hess, Nim Chimpsky: The Chimp Who Would Be Human

“That car should say ‘Science for all hominids!’” the ape cried. “Are we not hominids, too, just like the humans?”

The apes roared in agreement, pounding their chests and stamping their feet.

Teeth bared and eyes glinting, the apes leapt onto the car, vociferating the phrase, “For homo erectus!”
― Lucy Carter, For the Intellect

“Wait,” one of the apes objected, “we have never driven a car! What if we destroy everything? The humans might use our lack of experience to add stronger restrictions to apes, and we might look incapable.”

“Well,” another member insisted, “that would be absurd. It’s not our fault that we are inexperienced! The humans were the ones who did not give us access to the experience we need! It’s in their nature: discrimination. I mean, they even restricted each other from having education, voting, and career rights!”
― Lucy Carter, For the Intellect

“This incident has often been debated by scholars. On one hand, it is believed to be an evocative reminder and allegory of discrimination and the violation of both human and animal rights. On the other hand, it is believed to allude to extremism and the blatant glorification of reverse discrimination. Beyond these controversies, though, it is best to conclude that one’s desire for equality and justice should never be demolished like the car was, but it should also never be replaced with desires to seek superiority and oppression. This story hence represents the apes’ fight and flaw.”
― Lucy Carter, For the Intellect

“Despite the uncertainty that still lay ahead, he knew that as long as they stood together, they would always find a way to protect the precious land they called home.”
― Hash Blink, The Wise Monkey : A Forest's Last Stand Against Destruction, Adventure, and the Power of Unity.

“The human race is not all that humane. But its simian competitors are even less so.”
― George Hammond