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There are choices! Making choices: a gifted case report

2009

In this article we present the story of a young,university-educatedwoman,who struggles with making,choices in her career and in her life. In th iscase reportwe,provide background,information on gifted people at work (what jobs and companies are appropriate for highly gifted, how to deal with interpersonalproblems, how to apply for a job, how to talk about the conditions in which you perform best) and how psychological processeslike irrational thoughts, the process of making choices and dealing with emotions work out in the highly gifted. Our conclusion is that learning to make choices can give gifted people the joy of living and the joy of working! Keyword: gifted adults,adults making choices,career counseling,u niversity-educated Authors Arnolda P. (Noks)Nauta is an occupational physician and organizational psychologist. Nauta helps professionals, such as physicians and psychologists, expand their expertise in th e field of gifted people. She writes articles, makes presentations an...

NAUTA, RONNER & GROENEVELD: THERE ARE CHOICES, 25 OCTOBER 2009 1 There are choices! Making choices: a gifted case report Arnolda P. Nauta, Sieuwke Ronner and Bernard Groeneveld This article is a translation and adaptation of a chapter from the Dutch book for gifted adults 'Ongeleide projectielen op koers (Unguided missiles on course) by Noks Nauta and Sieuwke Ronner. Harcourt, 2007, ISBN 978 90 265 1799 0. The authors of this article are currently working on a translation and adaptation of this book. Correspondence concerning this article should be addressed to ms A.P. (Noks) Nauta, Timorstraat 31, 2612 EH Delft, The Netherlands, #31 15 2125034, info@noksnauta.nl Other authors: Sieuwke Ronner: info@meriones.nl Bernard (Benno) Groeneveld: b138233@yahoo.com NAUTA, RONNER & GROENEVELD: THERE ARE CHOICES, 25 OCTOBER 2009 2 Abstract In this article we present the story of a young university-educated woman who struggles with making choices in her career and in her life. In this case report we provide background information on gifted people at work (what jobs and companies are appropriate for highly gifted, how to deal with interpersonal problems, how to apply for a job, how to talk about the conditions in which you perform best) and how psychological processes like irrational thoughts, the process of making choices and dealing with emotions work out in the highly gifted. Our conclusion is that learning to make choices can give gifted people the joy of living and the joy of working! Keyword: gifted adults, adults making choices, career counseling, university-educated Authors Arnolda P. (Noks) Nauta is an occupational physician and organizational psychologist. Nauta helps professionals, such as physicians and psychologists, expand their expertise in the field of gifted people. She writes articles, makes presentations and organizes workshops about and for gifted adults. She has been a member of Mensa the Netherlands since 2000. Sieuwke Ronner is a clinical psychologist and organization expert. Since 2002 she works as a self-employed coach, trainer and management consultant. She supports organizations in change processes and advises employers and employees on work related problems. One of her specializations is handling stress-related problems on the work floor. Also, over the last years she started to support, counsel and coach highly gifted individuals regarding to work related situations. She frequently publishes articles about her expertise. Bernard (Benno) Groeneveld is a Dutch-American journalist and translator. NAUTA, RONNER & GROENEVELD: THERE ARE CHOICES, 25 OCTOBER 2009 3 There are choices Decision-making processes can be difficult for gifted people. We present a profile of a young and gifted woman and her decision-making processes as she makes the transition from her life as a student/adolescent to a working adult. Life transitions often force a person to make difficult choices, and the gifted frequently face challenges in making career and lifestyle choices. How does that happen? And how can we counsel gifted people in making such important choices? Where appropriate, we refer in the text to the literature we presented here in the introduction This case is a composite of parts of real cases, Kitty herself is not a real person. Kitty's case: Youth and school When Kitty den Hollander graduated from university with a major in mathematics at the age of 22, she faced a number of important choices in her life. The youngest of three children, Kitty showed evidence of her giftedness at an early age. Her sister Sandra, five years older and her brother Bob, one year older, were also smart. But Kitty was always different. When her brother Bob learned to read, Kitty immediately joined him and they soon became real pals in everything, leaving her sister Sandra sometimes feeling shut out. With a five-year age difference, this seldom led to serious problems, but it did cause a strain in their relationship, which is evident even today. Kitty did well in school, until seventh grade, when she began to experience academic and social problems; she retreated into herself and for a long time didn t like going to school. Her teacher recognized in Kitty the characteristics of a highly intelligent person and sought confirmation through the school advisory service. Kitty was tested and it turned out she was indeed highly intelligent. The school psychologist offered Kitty s teachers and parents practical tips to support her development. For example, Kitty was given the opportunity to read at her level in a higher grade. She also received extra assignments in the school library where she helped to modernize the system used to loan books. Kitty responded well to these arrangements and went to school with pleasure again. She made more friends and started music lessons, quickly showing a real talent for the violin. Playing allowed Kitty to release her energy. She soon joined a youth orchestra and later became an orchestra leader. Characteristics of high intelligence Recognizing that a high IQ alone was insufficient to define gifted people, a group of experts (people who are themselves gifted and work with the gifted) in the Netherlands conducted a research project in 2006/2007 to determine what the term gifted means. The Delphi method was used for this research. This research generated a theoretical model that resulted in the following definition based on commonly shared characteristics: A gifted individual is a quick and clever thinker, who is able to deal with complex matters. Autonomous, curious and passionate. A sensitive and emotionally rich person, living intensely. He or she enjoys being creative. (Kooijman-van Thiel, et al, 2008) The above-mentioned Delphi research paid much attention to the characteristics of gifted. The following characteristics are the most eye-catching from the list: highly intelligent (thinking); autonomous (being); NAUTA, RONNER & GROENEVELD: THERE ARE CHOICES, 25 OCTOBER 2009 4 many-facetted emotional life (feeling); passionate and curious (wanting); highly sensitive (perceiving); creation-directed (doing); sparkling original, quick, intense and complex (interplay) Kitty's case: Choice of major At home, Kitty s parents allowed her the freedom to pursue her interests, but they were a bit controlling. Kitty did well in sciences in high school, so her parents pushed her to study mathematics, but she herself was more interested in attending a school of music. Her parents insisted, even going so far as identifying their preference of both the university and sorority they felt would best fit Kitty. Wanting to please her parents, she gave in to their request. Kitty began to study theoretical mathematics and commuted between her hometown and the nearby university so that she could live at home. During her studies, Kitty felt increasingly uncertain and sometimes even slightly depressed. She started fighting with her mother. She wanted to go to parties at night in her university town, but her parents thought that would be dangerous. As a result she had little contact with her fellow students. Kitty finished her degree within the expected time and continued playing in the orchestra, greatly enjoying it. She found a series of summer jobs. But problems emerged during her jobs because she often spoke up and interfered in things she thought didn t go well. Neither her colleagues nor management appreciated her advice, and this often resulted in conflicts. Interpersonal problems in the work environment Gifted people can appear to be know-it-alls in their work environment. Supervisors and colleagues often feel threatened by their critical analyses. Gifted people are often unaware of the effects of their quick and sharp analyses and their capacity to see through complex situations. So interpersonal problems arise between gifted employees and their work environment. In a table in an earlier article Nauta & Corten (2002) showed how such a mismatch can arise based on different interpretations of the interactions between the gifted and the work environment. Exposing these differences creates more understanding between both parties. Kitty's case: Choosing a job After graduation, Kitty started looking for a fulltime job. She saw an ad for a job as a graduate assistant to work on a dissertation that complemented her thesis, a very theoretical subject in numerical mathematics. Her parents were very enthusiastic; they thought it a good way to start her career. Kitty herself was not really happy, though. She had nightmares, waking up in a sweat, feeling as if she were suffocating. She wondered whether this job was what she wanted -- or was it her parents choice? Kitty discussed her dilemma with one of her girlfriends, who studied psychology and saw how she struggled. Her friend advised her to postpone making the decision for a while, because this was truly an important moment in her life and to ask for help. Her girlfriend had recently heard about a special workshop that helped smart people make good life choices and work on their careers. She thought that this was what Kitty needed. Kitty s case: The career adventure NAUTA, RONNER & GROENEVELD: THERE ARE CHOICES, 25 OCTOBER 2009 5 Kitty started looking for jobs on the Internet, but found nothing of interest. She did find a notice about career counseling for gifted people, a career adventure, aimed at very intelligent people who had not learned how to make choices based on their feelings. That adventure appealed to her. She learned that the program involved spending a day in nature and completing several assignments, with a follow-up meeting three weeks later. She hesitated, thinking it sounded vague and that she was too young for that approach. However, Kitty knew that she had to do something and finally decided to register. Her parents were not willing to pay for it, but Kitty decided it would be worth it. After the event, she did not think she got everything possible out of it. At her request, she met with one of the counselors of the program. Kitty: "I was sent into the woods with a number of other people with a rather vague assignment. I looked around and did not really know what I had to do. I asked Harry what he thought; he wasn t too sure either. I really didn t see the use of it at that point, but I thought that wouldn t be nice for my counselors and the others. So I decided to do the assignment as well as I could. I was afraid that otherwise I would create all kinds of confusion and that the others would find me a boring whiner. It was only after the whole thing was over that I questioned what I had done, out there in the woods. I had only been working on things that others expected of me and I wanted to be liked. But I didn t do what I really wanted to do. I was really shocked by that. That s what I always had done up to that point: not doing what I wanted... Even in choosing my field of study .... So I did not get everything available out of it. I Thought: Can I have a do-over? Interfering thoughts This story demonstrates that Kitty has a number of irrational thoughts that obstruct her making her own choices. Irrational thoughts contain an exaggerated must and impose unreasonable demands on yourself or others. For Kitty, they are the following thoughts: Everybody must like me, value me, think the best of me and love me. I must always be concerned about others. Kitty is an example of someone who unerringly feels how she can serve many others, especially her parents, but she then ignores her own wishes and dreams (desire to please). Neihart (1999) noted that gifted adolescents often possess the traits of perfectionism and competitiveness (in Kitty s case, these traits were less recognizable); have a strong drive to please their parents; and experience high expectations from parents. Miller (1979) also wrote about gifted children who feel what the parents expect, but if they follow those wishes, it negates their own feelings. There are no precise studies of this, but in our experience highly gifted learn from an early age to show consideration for others (to an exaggerated degree). Kitty s case: what she felt Kitty: I could feel myself becoming increasingly insecure with assignments that weren t clear to me. This resulted in me being confronted with myself. I really wanted to cry, but I didn t dare give in to that NAUTA, RONNER & GROENEVELD: THERE ARE CHOICES, 25 OCTOBER 2009 6 desire. I thought the stories told by other people were interesting, and I listened to them a lot. I did not dare say too much myself, but I did like to be outdoors for a full day, even though it was cold. I had never really done anything like that. When I came home, I did not really feel better. Because I still was not sure about anything, I took the job as a graduate assistant anyway. I was shown how to do the job by an unmarried woman who had been working there for thirty years! Only then did I realize I had made the wrong decision! I imagined me still being there thirty years from now... I would die of misery. I panicked, but pushed that feeling aside quickly. What could I do with that feeling? And besides, could I really refuse such an important research position???? Dealing with emotions This story clearly shows that Kitty found it very hard to deal with her emotions. She was afraid to say what she thought and felt, because she was afraid others would then find her a boring nag. She also did not dare cry and so she hid her sadness and feeling of being hemmed in. In general, the four categories of basic emotions are: angry, happy, scared and sad. Gifted people show many nuances in this range of feelings, but sometimes lose touch with their own feelings and emotions because of the situation in which they find themselves or where their thoughts lead them. Or they start fantasizing about what others think of them or what kinds of disasters could happen. Their feelings are negative, causing them to lose their inspiration, willpower and passion. In conversations with a career coach, Kitty reconnected with her feelings. Kitty s case: A plan for the future. Kitty's career coach (from the career adventure) proposed participating in a forestry project in Scotland. In such a completely different environment, where she would perform physical work, she might be able to figure out what was bothering her and what led her to choose a job she didn t really like. After this conversation, Kitty ran into her cousin Caroline on the train on her way home. Caroline had always led a rather wild life. They had lost touch over the years. When they met Kitty and Caroline caught up, talking about things they remembered from the past. Caroline said: When I used to visit you at home, your mother said that she thought I was a bit too free and also impertinent. That her Kitty was not like that at all. Later, I was talking about something, that you apparently weren t allowed to hear and then she asked me to shut my mouth. I said: Shut your own mouth. Your mother really blew up at that! I have always remembered that. I believe that afterwards I was no longer welcome at your house. This story shocked Kitty. She suddenly remembered that her mother always had an excuse why Caroline was no longer allowed to visit. Kitty thought Caroline was impertinent, but you could always have a good laugh with her. Kitty realized that her mother had really ruled her life and that she had always allowed that ... She had always been so obedient... Kitty told Caroline about her job. Caroline fully understood that Kitty didn't not like her job. Kitty explained that she wanted to do something else, but did not know what she really wanted and that she had received an offer from a career coach to go to Scotland and find out what she really liked. NAUTA, RONNER & GROENEVELD: THERE ARE CHOICES, 25 OCTOBER 2009 7 Caroline thought this a fantastic idea and wanted to go with her! After some deliberations, they decided to go together. Kitty was not sure if this was really a good idea as Caroline was rather dominant. Would she just do what Caroline wanted? She thought it was all rather scary and worried about how to tell her boss at work. Eventually she decided to go with Caroline and was relieved when there were no objections at work. When she called her mother to tell her that she was going to Scotland with Caroline, her mother said: With Caroline??? Well, if you think this is good for you, go ahead and do it. But I worry a bit... In the background she heard her father say: Good, she can bring me a bottle of Scotch... Kitty s case: Adventures in Scotland After arriving in Findhorn, Scotland, it took Kitty a few days before she began to enjoy herself. She felt very closely connected to the group and did all kinds of things she never thought she would enjoy. Luckily, Caroline was in another group and returned home after a week. But Kitty added another week. With six other participants, she planted trees in the Scottish Highlands together with a Scottish couple she met, John and Linda. Kitty found their ideas a little vague, but she was fascinated by the rough outdoors life. She said that for the first time in her life she felt really alive. She could feel her muscles, and her arms were covered with scratches and mosquito bites, which made her feel very proud. She also had a real boyfriend. It was all very exciting! Her parents worried about what Kitty was doing, but she just "forgot" to call them. She sent an occasional text message that she was all right. Kitty s musical talents were greatly appreciated. In the evening there often was singing around the campfire and people were impressed with her voice. She had not brought her violin, as it was too fragile. Besides, her fingers were stiff from the rough work, so it would not have worked anyway. She decided to stay for another month and resigned from her job as graduate assistant. Her parents were very disappointed and thought that was foolish. But Kitty really enjoyed the interesting contacts and her rough wildlife experience. However, she also realized that planting trees and becoming a forest ranger was not her final destination (her mother did not need to worry, however, she did not tell her.) Longing to see her girlfriends, she went home for a weekend. Although her parents were still very critical of her choice (despite the beautiful pictures of Scotland, she had taken), they noticed her radiance. We have not seen you like this for a long time! Kitty decided to sign on for one more month and then she would return to the Netherlands. She had no idea what she would do next, but she was fully confident that she would find something that would suit her. She now knew what real living was. And she had become much more assertive. She had also experienced how it felt to make your own choices. She would not have missed this adventure for the world! Kitty s case: Back to work? Kitty noticed in Scotland that she had no desire at all to work as a graduate assistant. She realized that she had taken this job mainly to please her parents. Her brother Bob, with whom she still has a very good relationship, had wanted to become a writer, going against his parents' wishes, and had already published a couple of short stories. Kitty now knew what she did not want, but she didn't really know what she did want. She noticed that she still had a tendency to accommodate people and do what others wanted her to do. She also saw that this did not make her happy. She knew that she had to stay away from her parents and find her own way. NAUTA, RONNER & GROENEVELD: THERE ARE CHOICES, 25 OCTOBER 2009 8 Kitty s case: Choice for action! Based on what Kitty experienced in Scotland, she wanted to do the following: 1. Adjust the contact with her parents Up to that time, Kitty too often did what she thought her parents wanted. Although she really liked her parents, this now bothered her. She wanted to make her own choices and decided to tell her parents that in a conversation. She trained for that talk with a girlfriend who gave her tips. In addition, she decided to start looking for her own apartment as soon as possible and move out. 2. Working on career choice She resigned her graduate assistant job and her supervisor told her she thought that was a shame. But Kitty did not consider going back or choosing another, similar job. For a while she just wanted to make money somewhere as a waitress while thinking about her next steps. She was still young, so she had plenty of time to look. Besides, she could always switch jobs! Kitty really enjoyed her singing experience in Scotland. She signed up for singing lessons and a theater orientation course. That course trained students to become drama therapists. That was one of the options that appealed to her. But she also thought about studying music. She loved folk music and also considered learning to play the guitar, so she could accompany herself. Or maybe she could work on something to do with the environment. 3. Private The boyfriend in Scotland was long gone. She was sad about that, but she realized that it was not realistic to keep in touch. She started going out a little more frequently in hopes to meet nice guys. It had become much easier for her to make contacts. Kitty s case: How to make real choices? Over the following few months, Kitty became aware of feeling a number of signals for the first time in her life, but she did not yet know exactly their significance. She experienced: Tensions in her body: cold sweats, trembling, headaches. Feelings of fear, uncertainty and also sometimes gloom. Feelings of pleasure, enjoying the outdoors, doing what she liked in Scotland, and especially, not thinking about her parents. Anxiety, feelings that she had to make choices. In Scotland she noticed that by doing things without choosing, she automatically felt whether it was good or not. That was quite a relief. That made her more aware: that she certainly had taken another step to becoming independent and being allowed to choose for herself, but not yet knowing how to do that. of her patterns: first doing what others expected of her, not daring to do and feel what she wanted and felt herself, wanting to be liked. She did not dare cry, become angry, or saying what she wanted. Her cousin Caroline went to the other extreme, but still she learned a lot from her. There were also the times that she had to find her own way in the woods in Scotland, that made her more aware of what she liked. NAUTA, RONNER & GROENEVELD: THERE ARE CHOICES, 25 OCTOBER 2009 9 Through her adventures, Kitty learned to accept her own feelings. Together with her insights in her actions and choices, she realized that this was the basis for making her own choices instead of doing what other people wanted. Selection process Making choices can be seen as a multi-step process where the emphasis is on rational comparisons. This can be expressed through an eight-step process: Step 1: Exploring your situation Step 2: Exploring your goals and desires Step 3: Exploring your capacities Step 4: Exploring your interests Step 5: Exploring study/work opportunities ... and alternatives Step 6: Exploring alternatives Step 7: Making choices Step 8: Executing We often see that gifted people make their choices as part of a search process, where they experience that they might run into barriers while just making logical choices. That is different from what they are used to. Exploring their own interests, motivations and feelings contribute more to making their choices. Kitty wanted help with this, she was confused. Kitty's case: Learning to choose Kitty started seeing a psychologist who also counsels the gifted and coaches them in their selection process. This coach, proposed a series of ten appointments. Kitty thought that would be too much. In the past she would not have dared say anything. But using the lessons she had learned about herself, she quietly proposed another plan. "How about we start with five conversations, and then after those five meetings we can see how far I have come and then determine how much I still need." To Kitty's amazement, her coach thought this was a good idea! Together with her coach she went back over the times she had made important choices in her life, what she did, thought and felt. What this showed was that Kitty especially enjoyed making music. But in Scotland she also noticed that she sometimes could help a person who was down, because she was so good at listening. Together with her coach, Kitty made a chart showing her strong points (her qualities) and her weaknesses. Because gifted people have a strongly developed moral sense (own experiences of the authors and Jacobsen, 1999) the coach and Kitty wrote Kitty's value profile together. Value profile The profile showed, in order of importance, that Kitty considered the following values very important in her life: 1. Justice Kitty thought that people should deal with each other in ways that are just. For example, she thought that there is too much poverty in the world and that money is not distributed equally. 2. Honesty For Kitty honesty first of all meant: not lying. But it also specifically meant: being able to voice criticism openly. She thought it very dishonest if people talk about each other behind their backs. "Just tell me your criticism straight out!" NAUTA, RONNER & GROENEVELD: THERE ARE CHOICES, 25 OCTOBER 2009 3 10 Reliability Reliability for Kitty meant: you can count on it that I really will do something when I promise something. She thought that everybody should do the same. "Say that you have no time rather than promising something and not doing it!!" 4. Independence Independence turned out to be very important: she wanted to be able to live her way. She wanted to be able to arrange her time independently and definitely did not want anybody checking on her. She now realized that she also wanted to be able to use her analytical gifts. But she had always noticed that this was not very well appreciated when she gave her analyses of what was wrong. Kitty's other important values were: humor, creativity, integrity and respect. Values that she definitely rejected: material riches, profit and beauty. During the following conversations Kitty and her coach discussed where Kitty's values could best be supported: what kind of companies she could work for and what kind of jobs she would feel comfortable doing. In an earlier conversation they also had discussed Kitty's qualities. They combined those values and qualities to reach a conclusion. Choice of professions by gifted people Although gifted people are, of course, vastly different, we can state some generalities based on experiences of gifted in the work force (Corten, Nauta & Ronner, 2006). We also made use of Bored, Bored, Bored: The Quest for challenging work (chapter seven in Streznevski, 1999). Circumstances under which gifted can generally function well have the following characteristics: challenge and stimulation flexibility little hierarchy few fixed procedures (only when they are useful) importance of development and employees' needs room for productive conflicts power and influence obtained by expertise, dedication and success (or at the most by personality, expertise and exceptional performances). These work characteristics favor gifted persons and also closely match the 'task culture' and 'personality culture' (Harrison, 1972). Kitty's case: Tips when applying for a job Finally, her coach and Kitty looked at how Kitty acted during possible job applications (but also once she was in the job) and when she should state the values and desires that were important to her in her work. She should impose a number of 'conditions' so that she could function well. She should ask questions about company culture and the elements that would have an impact on her values. They arrived at the following examples to achieve this. Kitty could ask/state: - I work best when I get room to work independently. Is that possible here? - I noticed that I am good at solving problems I see in work processes. Would you like it if I suggested solutions? - I think it important that when I promise to do something I also do it. Is the work culture here like that? NAUTA, RONNER & GROENEVELD: THERE ARE CHOICES, 25 OCTOBER 2009 - 11 I prefer colleagues to talk openly among themselves about things that are not going well. Is that usual here, too? After these conversations she decided to let everything sink in for a little while. Kitty s case: Three months later While discussing her career options, Kitty worked as a waitress in a restaurant, a good place to use her urge to please people! She was surprised by people's conversations in the restaurant. What was that all about? The same applied to her colleagues. They had lots of fun together, talked about their looks and the customers', about going out and partying. Kitty thought it was all rather superficial. Sometimes she managed to join them, but living this way did not really interest her. She also learned how to deal with rude customers. After a few such unpleasant experiences she showed in her attitude and her words that there were limits and that customers should behave respectfully. She was very proud of that. She also learned how she could expand this 'limiting conduct' to her parents, without offending them. These experiences showed Kitty that she wanted a job where she could work independently, that she also needed deep conversations, that open and honest communication were important and that she also would like to help or counsel people. She also knew that she really enjoyed music. She took up her violin again; she joined a pleasant and good orchestra, but also knew that she did not want to do this for a living. She seriously thought about studying medicine. But at the same time she dreaded going back to school for a long time and she was afraid of the atmosphere in a hospital. She wondered whether hospital work would offer honesty and reliability. She decided to start looking for a 'real' job. Maybe she should just do something, like in Scotland, and see how it felt. After all, in Scotland she had learned that she could trust her own feelings. Kitty s case: a year later During her 'temporary' job period, Kitty had tutored one of her nephews in math and she discovered that she really liked mathematics. However, she did not want to teach. How could she find a job that suited her?? She contacted the coach again who had drawn her attention to the project in Scotland. He now pointed out to her a number of small banks who invested in third-world projects. Following the advice she applied at a small bank where they were happy to hire her. In the meantime, Kitty had a much better idea of what she wanted (see tips under 11). After six months both Kitty and her boss are very happy. Her colleagues had started using her mathematical talent. Her calm and reliability also worked extremely well with external customers. Her boss therefore created a new position for her. Kitty now has a position where she reports directly to the bank's Board and can work very independently. She gives advice about work processes, supports colleagues when they are dealing with complicated computations of pensions and insurance and is a reliable colleague and counselor. Recently Kitty also started a relationship with a colleague from another office. She is very happy with her life! Short recap Making choices is a difficult process for many gifted people. People who are not gifted are limited in their choices because they just cannot do everything. However, a gifted person is actually able to do too much. When making choices, this can be an important obstacle. In addition, perfectionism and their large cognitive- NAUTA, RONNER & GROENEVELD: THERE ARE CHOICES, 25 OCTOBER 2009 12 analytical capacity play a role. Characteristics of gifted people which hamper them when making choices include: - they are capable of so many things, there is no limit to what they can do; - they have many interests, there is no limit to what they want; - they have a high energy level, there are no limits; - they can quickly grasp complex situations (seeing all the options and the accompanying advantages and disadvantages at the same time), but there are limits when they have to make choices: all advantages and disadvantages come in at the same time and they cannot feel the differences in the level of importance. This creates confusion; - perfectionism which hinders them in making choices: only one 'single, correct decision' can be made (also an irrational thought); - they concentrate on reason (where they excel), the gifted sometimes do not trust their own feelings enough when making choices; - gifted people often only experience their feelings when they are in a new situation and not before. Only then do they experience how something feels and they can find meaning (using their intellect) on the basis of which they can make a choice. Gifted people can learn how to make better choices when they are aware of these characteristics and their problems and learn how to deal with them. Parents and teachers and if necessary, professional coaches, can provide support. We gave examples of this in Kitty's case. Learning to make choices can give gifted people the joy of living and the joy of working! References Corten, F. G. P., Nauta, A. P., & Ronner, S. (2006). The highly intelligent and innovation. Key to innovation? Academic paper for HRD conference Amsterdam, October 2006. See websites www.werkenwaarde.nl, www.noksnauta.nl and www.meriones.nl. Ellis, A., & Harper, R. (1975). A new guide to rational living. Hollywood, California: Wilshire Book Company. Harrison, R. (1972). Understanding Your Organization's Character. Harvard Business Review. 5(3),119 28. See also http://www.bola.biz/culture/harrison.html. Jacobsen, M-E. (1999). The gifted Adult. Ballantine Books. 1999, 2000. ISBN 0 345 43492 7. Kooijman van Thiel, M. B. G. M. (ed). (2008). Hoogbegaafd, dat zie je zo! Over zelfbeeld en imago van hoogbegaafden. (Highly Gifted. Obvious? On identity and Image of Gifted Persons.) (Publication in Dutch.) Ede: OYA Productions. Miller, A. (1979). The drama of the gifted child: The search for the true self. New York: Basic Books. (1996 rev. ed.). Nauta, N., & Corten, F. (2002). Hoogbegaafden aan het werk. TBV 10(11), 332-335. (Gifted adults in work, English translation on www.noksnauta.nl.) Neihart, M. (1999).The impact of giftedness on psychological well-being. What does the empirical literature say? Roeper Review, 22(1), 10-17. Streznewski, M. K. (1999). Gifted Grownups: the mixed blessings of extraordinary potential. New York: Wiley & Sons. This document was created with Win2PDF available at http://www.daneprairie.com. The unregistered version of Win2PDF is for evaluation or non-commercial use only.