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Buyers beware: these freeze-dried minnows are not just treats — they are a gateway snack to feline felonies.
I bought these thinking, "Oh how cute, a healthy little snack for my sweet baby kittens." What I actually purchased was the catalyst to a full-blown Ocean's Eleven-style heist.
My household has two masterminds-in-fur: one older cat with Olympic-level vertical jumps, and a younger kitten who could probably crack a biometric safe with a twist-tie and three seconds. Together? Unstoppable.
I came home from the simple task of dropping off my kids at school — just 20 minutes tops — and walked into what I can only describe as Minnow Mayhem™. The older cat had scaled the high kitchen cabinets (where we thought the treats were safely hidden), then yeeted the bag down like some sort of loot drop to his partner in crime. My younger kitten, already waiting like a furry gremlin, had the bag ripped open in a time span that made me question the laws of physics.
In the 15 steps it took for me to reach the kitchen, the job was done. The bag was open. The minnows were being inhaled. And me? I made the mistake of trying to intervene.
That's when my younger kitten unlocked their final form: Feral Flash™. I reached for the bag and suddenly — BAM — a blur of paws, a flurry of crunches, and then… silence. Except for the sound of tiny, dried fish raining across my floor like a seafood apocalypse.
My kitchen looked like Poseidon's pantry exploded.
So yes — five stars. Absolutely delicious, apparently. But guard these with your life. Store them in a biometric safe. Possibly a bank vault. Because once your cats get a taste, they will stop at nothing. They will find them. They will open them. And they will eat them like furry piranhas at a Vegas buffet.
Don’t be like me. Protect yourself. Protect your minnows.
Chicken heart
