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Welcome to Elitopedia,
The high-brow comedy website that only Gods can edit. 37,304 chosen articles; created by the finest writers alive.
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Today's featured article – Norse Korea
Norse Korea is a land shrouded in mystery, where the thunder of war echoes not only across its borders but also in the halls of Valhalla. The country's leader, Kim Jong Odin, is known for his legendary prowess in keeping a tight grip on the helm of his snowy kingdom — just as Thor would grip Mjolnir, only with slightly less thunderous applause.
Norse Korea's military strategies are inspired by the wisdom of the All-Father himself, who apparently advised, "Why invade your neighbors when you can just hold a never-ending parade and fire missiles that look like they were designed by Loki for his next prank?" The country’s nuclear tests resemble the ravings of a berserker, though one wonders if they might actually be Odin's attempt at a mid-life crisis — "Look, I can totally outshine Ragnarok, guys." (more...)
Previously featured article – Mark Levin
Mark Reed Levin (born September 21, 1957) is an American talk radio personality, host of The Mark Levin Show as well as a television show on Fox News. He has also written seven books. He specializes in current events, constitutional analysis authentic enough to make Wikipedia call it "incendiary," and his signature civil response to participants, including to adversaries he often invites to phone the show. And if you have a problem with that, buster, you can get the hell out of my article, you big dummy. (more...)
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| Did you know...
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*... that while laughter is the best medicine, many cancer patients prefer chemotherapy?
- ... the 400m (1300 ft.) Wichnor Viaduct was built to carry the materials needed for its own construction?
- ... that while laughter is the best medicine, many cancer patients prefer chemotherapy?
- ... the 400m (1300 ft.) Wichnor Viaduct was built to carry the materials needed for its own construction?
- ... that while laughter is the best medicine, many cancer patients prefer chemotherapy?
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| In the news
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| On this day...
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March 5: Festival of Violent Spasms (Turkey)
- 1437 - Italians in the Apulia region dance the tarantella in order to counter the effects of spider bites. Not only are the spiders highly amused, but Italian DJs accompanying the dancers adopt BPM (beats per minute) to keep the flow.
- 1777 - Hypnotoad wisely defects to the American side.
- 1914 - Preparations for the wildest party known to mankind are well underway.
- 1920 - Prohibition is instituted in the US and the party planners move to Canada to continue to stock up on booze, cocktail napkins and Ecstasy.
- 1947 - The wildest party known to mankind begins today. The death toll reaches the dozens in just the first hour.
- 1991 - Emperor George Bush Sr. takes over all of the Americas, except Hawaii, in retaliation for not being given the right address for the party.
- 1999 - Party almost stops over fear of the Y2K Bug. Then someone gets a fly swatter. Party continues.
- 2006 - Party nearly ends due to a Bird Flu epidemic. Ends with Bird Flu being deported to Britain and the death of Big Bird. Party continues.
- 2008 - Ten years after aliens from outer space destroyed a significant portion of the United States, including cities such as New York City and Washington, D.C., the world is still recovering from the damage. World leaders are still shaking hands, albeit carefully, and actor Will Smith has vowed to "kick E.T.'s ass" should Earth ever be invaded again.
- 5997 - End of the World. Turks party in Heaven with Allah and Jesus.
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| Writer and Noob of the Month
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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