Katey Sagal
| Katey Sagal | |
|---|---|
 | |
| Nationality | Los Angeles, California, United States |
| Gender | Female |
| Occupation | Divine Being & Actress |
| Preceded by | N/A (first of her kind) |
| Succeeded by | Her Grandson |
| Car | She doesn't require one |
| Mother | Divine Being #1 (or Undisclosed Sagal) |
| Father | Divine Being #2 (or Undisclosed Sagal) |
KateySagalism is the practice of a faith based upon the belief of Katey Sagal's divine intervention in every human action and natural occurrence upon the face of any planet, sun, galaxy and/or solar system. This outlook has become profoundly more accepted in recent times with the admission of Katey Sagal to being a divine being.
As a result of following the faith of KateySagalism believers, and Katey Sagal herself, believe that every action is governed by some aspect of her own being, and so, it is common place to say "as said by Katey Sagal, through me." or if an action occurs, to follow it with "as done by Katey Sagal, through me."
This is done as a manner to further define the influence of Katey Sagal over the followers of KateySagalism.
History[edit]
KateySagalism only developed after Katey Sagal begun her performance in the show Sons of Anarchy as created by husband and fellow KateySagalian, Kurt Sutter, as played by Katey Sagal. Upon the constant loss of her grandson's, Sagal believed the only way to find them was to become a divine being. The hymn widely known to be affiliated with KateySagalism is the hymn of "Where's My Grandson?", a chart topper in the United States, Australia and New Zealand in the year of 2012.
Since its inception, countless famous celebrities have flocked to the faith, including: Kurt Sutter, Kurt Sutter's ponytail, Charlie Hunnam, Megan Fox and Barack Obama.
Like many religions, over the course of its formations, KateySagalism has come up against some adversity. In the first month of creating the faith, Katey Sagal lost her favorite watch at the beach and could not find it. She was devastated and stayed in her home for a further two weeks, praying to herself to, in turn, guide herself into discovering a way for herself to find what she herself was endeavoring to rediscover.
Sadly, she never found the watch.
Upon a purchase made by now husband, Kurt Sutter, Katey Sagal received a new watch and in turn, returned to leading her faith from the front; spreading the word of KateySagalism and recruiting Minister Katey's to her cause.
Minister Katey's:
Minister Katey's came much after the inception of the faith and were as a result of the great influence that KateySagalism was beginning to have over not only the United States, but the world. As a result, to maintain and further spread her word, Katey Sagal invested in the assistance of two preliminary Ministers:
Her Grandson, whose status is currently missing
and of course,
Eminem, a rapper who began to encode his own music with symbolic meaning to some of Katey Sagal's messages.
Personal Life[edit]
Katey Sagal's personal life has been off limits ever since she was initiated into a state of being divine. As a result, it is only known that she has had three husbands; Freddy Beckmeier, Jack White and currently, Kurt Sutter. She promoted Sutter to Vice Divine Being on January 2013, something in which she had planned to do for all her former husbands - however - later reconsidered when she realized that, in doing so, would involve her re-engaging with them.
She is no longer in contact with either of her former flings.
K-Atheists[edit]
Much like any religion KateSagalism has its skeptics. A selection of New Zealand and United States based groups have regularly made it their main priority to deter Katey Sagal from either finding her grandson, or, receiving an award for her exceptional performance in the show Sons of Anarchy. K-Atheists are known to be very violent towards strong KateySagalians. In 2012, KateySagalism celebrated the hymn "Where's My Grandson?" reaching the top the the charts in the U.S and forty KateySagal loyalists were pulled by the ponytail; the primary weak point for every KateySagalian. The matter required police attention, and required Katey Sagal to momentarily intervene.
Achievements[edit]
KateySagalism received a great deal of special notice and secured countless awards at the ARGOTW Ceremony (Authorized Religious Groups Of The World) in mid 2013 in which they were given the award for Most Recognized & Influential Symbol of Divinity; given to Katey Sagal as presented by Tom Cruise as played by Katey Sagal as presented through him.
It has also achieved the status of Most De-stained Faith Following in New Zealand as survey's state that it has played a significant role in the distractions from sexual interaction between partners, due to the constant need to follow ones actions with the statement, "As done by Katey Sagal through me"
Book, Film & Television[edit]
As a result of her religious successes, Katey Sagal has endeavored to succeed in the media field as well. Since her religious following began, she has written a series of different books, films and television series'.
Her books include titles such as:
"Where's My Grandson!?" By Katey Sagal
"As Said By Katey Sagal Through Me: A Direct Guide" By Katey Sagal
"KateySagalism Is More Believable Than Christianity" By Katey Sagal
&
"Fifty Shades of Katey Sagal; Katey Sagal in 50 different shades of Katey Sagal as played by Katey Sagal" By Katey Sagal