Adult

An adult in its natural habitat.

The Adult is the stage of human metamorphosis in which the subject has succeeded the teenhood form and precede into their superior mental and physical form.

Adulthood is the final stage in human development, except for two others:

1. Assisted Living, and
2. Eulogy and environmentally correct disposal.

Transformation to adulthood[edit]

The only way for a child to reach adulthood is to transit through an unnatural process called puberty.

• It can start anywhere between the ages of 10 though 18 (or even later if you go out for Track and Field);
• It can end anywhere between the ages of 18 and 59.
• It can recur in the sixties, and some even achieve this without going to a doctor for injections.

Notable aspects of puberty include teenage angst, fleshy bubble wrap, voice modification, height/fat increase, hair growing on your genitalia, and frightening change of shape of various parts.

Having matured physically, maturing mentally and emotionally is optional, just as is fitting in with your peers. Adulthood is the life stage that all children look forward to eagerly, since adults make all the rules. They don't realize that even when you are an adult, other adults still make all the rules.

Stages of adulthood[edit]

Young adults from age 18 to 25 are likely to still be living in their parents' basement, if they did not go off to college before returning to stay in the basement during the long painful job search that inevitably awaits them. The college students are sent away to live "independently" for the first time in their lives, while their parents still give out money and finish laundry every 2 weeks when you come home to visit. While you hate your parents as teenagers, your parents become your best friends when you are in college. If you are in college or not, you are probably still working that mediocre fast food job since you didn't have that college degree or you don't "have enough experience" for a real job that you can actually live on. Meanwhile, the corner video store is gone, and no longer hiring, and the tech support and call center jobs have mainly been outsourced to other countries. To some, the prospect of being the boss may be appealing, until they realize that the customers are their new boss, as well as the legal regulatory hoops and business tax requirements that they now have to circumnavigate, it will cost them extra to get help with the job. You decide to ditch the fast food hell and decide that sitting in a cube in some boring office is a way better choice. At least you get your holidays off and 3 week vacations, along with a great dental plan.

Adults from age 25 to 35, having just barely moved out of their parents' house, are pressured constantly by their peers and parents to get married and have babies. You are first spending a lot of time watching a lot of Netflix while you figure out what you want to do with your life. You eventually grab your first real job that pays a decent salary and you go nuts, blowing it on a new Mustang that you have been dreaming of or you decide to travel Europe, something like that. When you are looking for marriage, you shouldn't look for tall, dark, and handsome - you should look for "honey, can you pass me the potato chips." A little bit of weight is a must and you must have that tattoo when you are looking for this splendid woman. Success in this endeavor brings in time yet more joy to the adult life: getting used to your spouse's snoring, and then being woken up in the middle of the night by the baby every night for a few months. Add to this the joy of changing dirty diapers, and cleaning up spit-up, spilled food, and worrying constantly about things getting knocked over as your toddler starts to walk, and even eat food spilled off the floor. You will find adults have different ways of coping with this depending on whether they are a man or a woman. Men like to delegate. Women tend to become anxious, and obsessive about neatness. Men will likely get very into their career at this time, and start working overtime. Women may hire a sitter so they can go back to work, or they may become a full-time housewife to devote all their time to the cleanup required just to keep the house livable, and to spend time oohing and aahing over everything the toddler does, along with putting annoying pictures on Facebook to show off to their cousins and in laws. Sometimes the roles are even reversed with Daddy giving piggy-back rides, watching martial arts movies and giant monster movies with the kids, and lovingly making them grilled cheese sandwiches or peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

For those without comedic tastes, the "questionable parody" of this website called Wikipedia have an article about Adult.

Adults from age 35 to 55 may be established in their career, or may be starting over in a new field of work. But time not spent working is still not their own time - it revolves around their children or young teens schedules, driving the kids here and there, taking little Timmy to soccer practice and little McKayla to girl scouts, making sure the kids do their homework, getting dinner ready for the family by ordering some Pizza Hut and nachos, and keeping the house clutter-free. The kids are not helpful in this endeavor as they bring home crafts from school or camp, and neither is the local thrift store, with the tempting knick-knacks priced at such a good buy. You have to put up with the really bad artwork that your kids put on the fridge during that time too. Parents become arbitrators as they settle squabbles between siblings. Some adults of this age become confirmed bachelors or bachelorettes, preferring to spend their money on gaming or at bars instead of on dating. Other adults may rebel against the constraints of the life they have chosen, experiencing a mid-life crisis. When you hit midlife crisis, you want to have the Harley, the Corvette, and the blonde! And you complain about the wife not letting me have either one of them, but you buy it anyway. You hate your job and you want to quit because your drive time got cut or the younger people are getting paid more than you. You are getting sick of the commute as well, driving down the freeway while you have to deal with road rage and some young teenage punk blasting rap down the road. There is always road construction no matter what. Your precious bundle of joy children has turned into annoying teenagers that dye their hair purple, pierce their noses, and always seem to be getting in trouble with the law. The grocery stores remind you were a teen once...by playing the music you listened to back then. And when you do remember, you also remember that back then, the stores played YOUR parents' music. Now you feel even older.

Adults from age 55 to 64 are in the "I'm not really a senior citizen yet, but give me my senior discount anyways please" stage. Your kids are either in college, or may have returned to the nest because they couldn't find any jobs in their major or did not graduate at all. A common practice is to suggest self-employment to them, followed by purchasing a lot of Amway, Avon, or Mary Kay products. You have flashbacks of their club days when they sold cookies, candies, calendars, popcorn, and the like. On the other hand, a select few may have the lucky result of birthing a famous YouTuber or e-Gamer with monetized videos, who will then move out and set up their webcam in their own space, where they can continue uninterrupted and/or store promotional products to show off in their videos for even more money. The body starts to deteriorate, making everyday tasks harder. If you did not exercise much in the previous stage, you will now find out exactly just how true "use it or lose it" is when it comes to muscle strength and flexibility, as your knees slowly start to give out. Sex just isn't as much fun anymore as it used to be either, the novelty having worn off after several decades. You are probably just too tired to screw, even though you have taken a bottle of Viagra and your back hurts constantly. If you enjoyed an office job for over a decade and then came home and sat down for the rest of the evening, the wrist, hands, fingers, neck and shoulders may hurt instead of the back. You blame your lack of sleep on "too much to do", rather than admit your body is sabotaging itself. Adults in this age group start actually paying attention to what's happening with Social Security and Medicare. You also are paying some attention now to ads for various drugs advertised on television, but paying more attention to the warnings about side effects. You start getting "senior citizens" discounts at restaurants and you get that AARP card in the mail that you throw out because they remind you how OLD you are. You really start listening to the easy listening and retro hits station and the weather report on the top of the hour.

Finally, at about age 65 to 70, the transition from adult to Senior citizen is complete.

Advantages and disadvantages[edit]

See also[edit]

• Adult Bookstores
• Porn
• Adult Friend Finder (yeah, pretend you don't need it...)

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