Can you not see, people? Obama is controlling Miley Cyrus' butt. Jonathan Davis says so:

And what's really going on, according to the Korn singer, is that President Obama is using Miley Cyrus to distract America while be becomes a tyrannical dictator. As evidence, Davis points to January 2012, when Obama signed a law that let the government hold citizens indefinitely without trial while everyone else was reading about Miley Cyrus and a penis cake.

Given that Miley Cyrus is in the newspapers every day, and mostly either waggling her arse, or eating a cake made out of penises, or kissing a animatronic Katy Perry, Obama wouldn't really have to worry about creating a distracting sideshow. There's always going to be one along sooner or later.

On February 17, Jonathan Davis appeared on the conspiracy program "The Alex Jones Show."
He hold the host "It seems really sad that everybody's so asleep and oblivious to the fact that the country uses the media to capture people's attention or take away from the fact that what's going on with our country. It really freaked me out when the whole Miley Cyrus thing was going on, and when that went down, [President] Barack [Obama] passed that new law that he can imprison anyone he wants and he doesn't have to charge them and he can keep them as long as he wants.
So what does Davis think is going on? He explained "Basically, all our liberties are being taken away one by one, and finally, I feel like it's time... I've gotta do something and try and get as many people as we can to wake up and see what's really going on."

Although Obama first signed an NDAA which allowed this to happen in December 2011. Perhaps Davis had been distracted by the Katy Perry/Russell Brand divorce.

Obviously, that would have been arranged by Obama too. Or the people controlling him.

Davis told Jones "I mean, I've said it before. I think he's an illuminati puppet. It just doesn't make sense, the whole thing. The guy comes from out of nowhere, he gets made president, all this stuff starts happening. I don't know... It just didn't make sense to me. And to top top it off, I'm not really a political person, I don't know much about it, I'm just worried about my privacy and my children's privacy. This being America, we're supposed to be the 'land of the free,' and it's becoming a police state."

Except Obama didn't come out of "nowhere". Perhaps if you'd not been so distracted making your terrible music, Jonathan, you'd have spotted him climbing up the ranks.

But hang on... how do we know that Davis isn't PART OF THE CONSPIRACY? What if he's just talking about penis cakes and doing shows about vomit to MISDIRECT US TOTALLY? How do we know that he's not just letting ALEX JONES SECRETLY PULL ALL OF THE STRINGS? HOW? H
Unfortunately, the rest of this post has been lost. If you'd like to read the rest of it, please ring up the Pentagon and say 'I know'. You can use any number to ring the Pentagon; they'll be monitoring them all.

Jonathon Davis out of Korn has been having a crack at DJing. But, oh, it's not easy:

: "Dude, it's so fucking hard. When I get done doing a set, I'm just fucking drained. I'm matching BPMs and I'm counting out bars when drops hit.

"All of this math and weird shit is going on in my head the whole time I'm doing my set. So, when I'm done, I'm fucking exhausted."

It does at least explain why his rider includes a chalk board and a scientific calculator. But he has a point, for without doing quadratic equations, how would he know when to "drop" the Toy Dolls doing Nellie The Elephant.

Jonathan Davis - one of the children's entertainers in the scary-Clown act that is Korn - suffered when making the new album:

"Making the record was sheer f**king hell. It was one of the most difficult things in my life," he explained.

"It was f**king torment. [Ross] put me in a place I didn't want to be. He put me in a horrible depression where I wanted to kill myself again. It was f**ked up. He was just pushing my buttons, tormenting me and f**king me up."

He continued: "He'd find out everything that my lyrics were about, then he'd use that s**t as ammo while I was singing. I got back into a position where I trusted him, but then he abused the s**t out of [that trust] and that killed me.

"He was sticking a knife deep into my heart. It was f**king brutal. He's a motherf**ker. I literally got to the point where I wanted to die. [Bandmates] Fieldy and Munky were worried sick about me. I lost a whole lot of weight, I couldn't eat, I was rotting away."

He wanted to die when he made the record, and if you listen to it, you'll know exactly how he felt.

Let's not suggest that Davis is an old ham, who is trying to dress up the sort of teenage angst he should have left behind long since into some sort of dark art. Because, you know, that might fucking push his shitting motherfuckering buttons, and that would put him off his Puffa-Puffa Rice.

Great news! Korn have had to axe the last five dates of their tour as Jonathon Davis has got a sore throat - although, to be honest, we're not sure why this should be so much of a problem - it's not like people go to Korn to hear words sung in a beautiful way, is it? It's like Les Dawson cancelling a piano-playing gig because he'd got a bad wrist.