rufmita

If you think you would have stood up for Jews during the Holocaust, then what are you doing now?

A couple of months ago my book club group decided to that we should read "The Zookeepers Wife" by Diane Ackerman. Set in Poland during WWII, the zoo is bombed, animals are killed, and the zookeeper's wife hides and helps 300 jews during a time when her own family was at risk, and her actions could have had dire consequences. As I was reading this book, I was reminded of all the other WWII books I've read and movies I've seen, and the same thought I always get came pouring back.

What would I have done?

It is taboo to talk about this topic in this way, unless you say that you would have helped, you would have spoken up, you would have risked your life and your family to "do the right thing". Well, I don't know. Would I? If I were in the same layer of life I am now, lower middle class, little access to money, stuck in a crappy neighborhood, would I have spoken up/out? I don't know. I would, obviously, like to think, duh, of course, but is that true?

I bring this up to my book club, and of course there is that awkward silence. The sideways glances. Ugh, I can't believe she said that. What a horrible person. And yet, how many people didn't speak up? How many people just stood by while groups of people were deemed non human, not worthy of living, wrong.

And then 2017 happens. White supremacists? Seriously? In 2017, with our advances in genetics, our knowledge of the human genome, of our place in the classification of living organisms. Our DNA is a code of chemicals, the four chemical bases (ATCG) that make up our instructional blueprint it identical to the four chemical bases (ATCG) that make up every known living organism - bacteria, mushrooms, penicillin, spiders, an oak tree, and on and on. As humans we are multicelluar and need to eat for energy, we are therefore classified in the Animal Kingdom. Our classification leads all known humans to be in the same genus and species. We are one. There is one human race. In that same race, there are small differences in our DNA that lead to limited uniqueness. We like to dwell on differences, it helped us survive in the wild. Our instinct to judge, to make assumptions, to stereotype, helpingus survive with split second decisions to run from that noise. Was that a lion? Those early hominids that judged quickly and ran, survived. What is different? Homo sapiens developed a large frontal lobe, a place to think, make decisions, reason. So we still have that instinct to judge, and we do, but the difference is we have a frontal lobe that tells us, ok, I see that you've made a split second judgement, before you react, let's analyze the situation and make a choice on what to do next.

Pick any group of humans you want. Ask yourself this - does that human have a liver, kidneys, lungs, two femurs, external ears, hair, hormones? We are virtually exactly the same, and yet we focus on things like the amount of melanin in the cells of the skin. There is variation in skin color in homo sapiens. This is science. Science doesn't care what you believe (thank you Neil DeGrasse Tyson), and if you believe that skin color makes a person more than or less than any other, than your belief, your claim, is not supported by evidence, and a claim without evidence is not valid.

Now the question becomes, what does society do with a population of people that have false beliefs? People that have built a paradigm on information that has no evidence to support the claims? And who are these people? I'm really curious to know if any atheist scientists identify as white supremacists.

And now, what do we do? A group of misinformed people chose a president that has an invalid belief system. He has yet to demonstrate that his frontal lobe is functional, and yet, I don't deny that he is a human, I just deny that he is a human that should be leading a country. So, do we wait, and for what? What are we doing, what should we do? Will this be in the history books in 50 years? Millions of Americans just stood by as their country crumbled into a pit of racism and despair? If this is a test, we are failing.

Today one of my coworkers died. Cancer. Just 60 years old.

I am a introvert in an extrovert world. I heard the news, and my first instinct was to get my dogs, and go for a hike. Find the forest. Feel fresh air, sun, dirt.

You know what I did? I stayed at school. I listened to your children. I consoled their tears. I gave them space, and then asked what they needed. We talked, we worked. I stayed.

It's my job. It's my job to stay with your children, to not leave, to be there. It is my job to be a content expert, a behavioral psychologist, a mediator, a mentor, a voice of reason, a comedian, an inspiration.

How much is that worth to you?

Ask yourself this as we near election time. In all this mess, where do our Presidential candidates stand on Education. Do you know? Are there local laws that need to be/should be passed that will support your schools. Remember, that even if you choose private or charter schools, not everyone has the luxury. Or maybe you don't even have kids, or your kids are grown, well, John Green sums it up best...

Saturday I was walking into the grocery store, when I saw a pregnant woman with her groceries packed in plastic bags from the store. What?!? This woman, who is about to leave a HUMAN behind on Earth, doesn't even care enough to bring reusable bags to the store?

A colleague at work buys single use, plastic water bottles to drink out of.

Cigarette butts litter my street.

Packaging is out of control, especially at Trader Joes.

Based on my anecdotal evidence, I've developed a hypothesis.

Hypothesis: There is an inverse correlation between a person's belief in afterlife and their views on taking care of the environment. The stronger the belief in a god/afterlife/heaven, the less they care about taking care of the environment.

Reasoning: The reasoning is simple. If you believe that there is some place to go after you die, you aren't worried about the state of the Earth. If you don't believe in an afterlife of any sort, then this is it. This is your life. This is your Earth. You've got one chance. All living organisms have one chance. You are a part of the chance.

Evidence: I'll admit that I haven't surveyed a large sample of people (I wish someone would). My evidence is based on observations. I know a few pious individuals, and what I've witnessed is those are the people that buy water in plastic. I don't live in Flint, so there is no reason to be buying water that some company has taken from a tap, bottled in toxic plastic, and now is profiting from.

The other day I was minding my own business in my home, when 8 marked police cars flew by my front window, followed by an unmarked car, an ambulance, fire truck, and then the ghetto bird (police helicopter) began circling. The neighbors came out and we all congregated at the end of the block, looking down at the chaos. My elderly neighbor, who is extremely religious, and has written and published books on god/religion, came over to my yard. He's a quiet, peaceful, gentle man. We stared down at the flashing lights and I asked him how he's managed to stay so positive about living in such a crazy world. He comment - I'm paraphrasing: "I have hope of a great life in Heaven."

So, wait. The idea of going to heaven, excuses you from taking action now?

And then there's my atheist friends. People who believe that this is it. Our time on Earth IS the point. Those are the people carrying around reusable bags, going to yoga, refilling water bottles.

"Gotta do much more than believe, if we really want to change things.
Gotta do much more than believe, if want to see the world change." - DMB (Gaucho)

I have always, as far back as I can remember, had a strong relationship with nature. I've also had this strong sense of altruism to dedicate my energy to supporting what is here, now, and to preserving what really matters. Humanity is dependent on our connection to nature and yet...

Someone sent me this video recently and THIS is it. This is why I didn't have children. Not because I'm out of the norm, or don't want to be normal, but because I see the bigger picture and until we step up and fix ourselves, we have no right bringing kids into this mess.

The highlight of my teaching career happened this past weekend while I watched one of my former students give a key note speech at the Global Issues Network Conference in the Dominican Republic. I think that she was asked as kind of a token appreciation since she was a great contributor to her high school, but when she stood up there and started speaking it became instantly clear that she not only deserved this moment, earned this moment, but she was owning the moment.

I officially have a new job (middle school science at a different school), a confirmed trip to the arctic to study sea ice for the summer and I'm on my way to Santo Domingo as I sit and write. It's been a busy few weeks...

I was craving a salad all day.

I bought myself a birthday beer and forgot to drink it.

I value my alone time.

As much as I want to return to international teaching, I love having a dog in my life.

I am feeling sentimental.

I identify with being a teacher.

I want to be outside as much as possible.

My family is awesome.

Societal pressures are hard to ignore.

I want more people to value nature more than football, shopping and material crap.

I want my students to overcome poverty, hold their head high, and march into their future.

I want to empower people to remove their roadblock...

Currently I am reading "The Blue Sweater" and this is my quote of the day:

"I only have one request.
I do not ask for money
Although I have need of it,
I do not ask for meat...
I have only one request,
All I ask is
That you remove
the roadblock
From my path."

- Okot P'Bitek

It's not that I'm forcing a reason that I moved back to this frigid inferno of ice cold arctic hell, but I think I've found one anyway. A while back I found this poem by my favorite artist...

Quote from a student today:
"MISS if you teach us biology next year we can say penis and vagina for legit!"

I have a dilemma. I've applied for a teacher travel grant for this summer and I really want it, and for some reason I have a feeling that I will be accepted, but, the catch, I have to be a teacher in a public school to receive the grant, and I have to be that teacher for next year, because I'll implement my learning from this summer into my classroom. Problem, I have to tell my school by early March and the grant notifications don't come out until April. Yes, I could say I'm coming back and then if I don't get the grant change my mind, but I won't do that to my principal. I respect her too much to go back on my word.

I won't teach physics again. I'm sure I was on some sort of mind altering medication when I said yes to teaching physics. Ugh, who the hell wants to teach about momentum. But, there is a biology opening for next year, so I could actually loop with my kids and be their biology teacher.

Option.

I feel like staying in the public school system is walking with the crowd in the wrong direction. I love teaching, well, by that I mean that I love the actual interaction with people about cool stuff. Unfortunately my job is a combination of the awesome teaching part and the hours and hours of meaningless paperwork. I'm pretty good at ignoring the stuff that is meaningless, but here in Denver our pay is based on all that crap, well at least part of our pay.

What about going back to school? Would I be the old lady sitting in the class. You know, that annoying old one that keeps answering all the questions? My masters in education kind of pigeon holes me into things that I don't necessarily want to do. How do I know what is out there? There are jobs that I don't even know exist, how do I get my hands on those?

How about working at a nature center? Yeah, the pay would be barely scraps, but I've lived on scraps before, in fact, even with the highest pay I've ever had in the States, I still feel like I'm living on scraps.

What I do know is that I'm happiest amongst the trees.

I am realizing, although I think I've known for a while, that I can go 1000's of miles around the world and see lots of shit only to realize that I just don't feel like I belong here, on earth. How do I wake up every day and make it meaningful? Why do I feel the great pull to do that? Why can't I just enjoy the wastefulness of life? Why can't I celebrate those small accomplishments without thinking about the HUGE pile of stuff we still have yet to conquer. I have been feeling like a waste of a teacher for a while. All my planning, excitement, thrown out the window because my kids are blankly staring at me with their stoned eyes. I don't know what to do. I am at a loss. What job, purpose, could I possibly have that would help me see that the world isn't turning to shit. 

If you are not part of the solution, then you are part of the problem.

Lately I've been feeling a part of the problem. Usually teachers can go to sleep at night and calm their money and time worries by thinking of all the good they are doing. All that progress towards making the world a better place and then NPR decides to do a report on the state of science education in the country. Dismal. To make science real, kids want it to be more fun and well, who the hell wouldn't want that?

I gave my Semester Exam today, well just two class periods, and dismal is the bright side. We have a screwed up exam schedule and bunches of kids that don't give a crap. Showing up to school and not even knowing what exam they are about to take... nice. I decided to let them have a "cheat sheet" with formulas, units, etc for physics and from both classes only 5 students had the where-with-all to bring it in and use it. We started it on Friday and they just had to finish over the weekend, or they could just bring what we did together, but no. Nothing. Then it dawned on me, that if you don't even care enough to see what exam you are about to take, why would you bring in a cheat sheet.

I decided to do a performance assessment for my kids on a modified diploma. This would enable them to show me their knowledge of the science process. I put together a lab idea, gave them the supplies and let them go for it. I sat back and listened, only interjecting for clarification. Remember I am teaching 9th grade. Obviously being on a modified diploma means you are below grade level, but while the kid was sharing his data, of 2.71 from reading the stopwatch, I asked him to clarify and said, 2.71 what? What unit are you measuring with. He said "distance". I cried inside.

Today I felt useless. Like my passion, energy, and excitement is being wasted on a group of people that don't have the ability, desire, I don't know, to be better, more awesome. If our system is broken, no I take the back, our system is broken and because our system is broken and I continue to work in it, I am contributing to the problem not the solution.

So what crazy, civil disobedience move do I need to make? What can I do to be a part of the solution? 

I planned an activity where kids were using a laptop to guide themselves through a computer simulation about movement. I've been trying to encourage my kids to be present, not just physically, but intellectually and emotionally. I'm a really predictable teacher, kids should know what I'm about to say and do next from patterns they have observed, but that only happens when you are present. So I was asking them to be present in the lab. To use their time to learn some new knowledge, not just finish the assignment, but to make predictions and observations about physics, instead of thinking about whatever.

Are you ready for some irony?

Last week I had my end of the year review with my Principal. It seems that our school has removed the "exceeds standards" from the teacher categories and the highest you can achieve at the school is "meets standards". When I asked why, he stated that some people felt like it was unfair to judge people over and above the "meets" categories. Ok, so you want all your teachers to strive for average. Interesting.

So that isn't the ironic part. The irony is that in that same meeting my Principal brought up that I am too outspoken, that I need to learn to keep my mouth shut more often, that I'm making people uncomfortable and people are taking what I say personally. You want an example? At a staff meeting not too long ago we were talking about the environmental conference that is going to be held at our school next year. This conference is an international event and has taken place all around the world for many years. The standards are high, very high. One of the non-negotiable is the use of disposable plastic water bottles on campus, or should I say banning the use. Schools that have hosted this event have successfully banned single use plastic bottles. You may be wondering how that is possible in a country with no access to clean water, however our campus spent thousands of dollars to install water fountains with filters - over 10 of them. So everyone is able to drink from the fountain. This, however, has not slowed the purchasing of disposable water. Our cafeteria is a private company and they make money off of Dasani.

Well, at the meeting I was sharing how if the school is going to host this conference (which they are) then they have to make some changes. Changes that are doable, but will take some effort. I am afraid that the school will put up a huge well designed curtain, but behind that beautiful curtain will be piles of rat infested trash and plastic bottles. Then I pointed out that even in our meeting there are teachers with plastic plates for snacks, plastic cups for single use and we are the leaders. We are supposed to be modeling responsible behavior. How do we expect our students to make good decisions if we, ourselves, are not.

It seems that someone (I can only speculate who) complained about my comment. That it was rude. It seems they didn't like that ugly, irresponsible image they saw when I held up the mirror, but instead of seeing their reflection, they decided to go on the defensive. Guess what? You should feel guilty. You should feel sad. Normal humans feel sad and guilty when they make bad choices. Sadness and guilt can lead to changes. Ignorance can not.

So at my end of the year review my principal brought up all this drama. I'm too outspoken. I shouldn't be pointing out that giant white elephant.

Ok, so you ready for the ironic part? This same principal, in an effort to do I don't know what, has created an award for Female Leadership at our school. This award was inspired by a book by the COO of Facebook, who happens to be a woman. Her book is called "Lean In" and was published this March. In his speech to the students today here is what he said when presenting this award to the few chosen students...

I know you see that white elephant. The one standing in the middle of your workplace. The one standing in the middle of your living room. Why are people afraid to talk about it?

Today I had my exit interview since I'm leaving this school. I've done so much cool shit for this school and the community and you know what the principal had the nerve to bring up? Well, it seems that when I make comments on how to improve people get offended and take them as criticism, personal criticism. It seems people around me are sensitive and they don't want to bring up the giant stinky loud white elephant that is blocking us from actually seeing each other. He told me that I need to know when and where to bring up changes, as if "their" way is working, as if ignoring the enormous elephant is moving us towards progress.

He's all about status quo and not ruffling feathers and I tell you what, this is why after 80 years this school is still stuck in the 1970's. We have the money and talent to move forward, but since people are just happy going through the motions we are stuck. Stuck in a spinning machine, on a hamster wheel. A giant hamster wheel. It's so big that it seems like we're moving, but when you zoom out and really look at what's happening we've been moving in place. And everyone is tired, from all that spinning, all those rotations that make you feel like you are making progress, but in the end you've just turned another round on the wheel. I even think they know they're spinning, but no one has the guts to stand up and say - HEY - stop this thing and let me off. Oh, wait, that's what I said.

How do I write this post without sounding like a complete grinch?

Today was the last day of "real" school. No school tomorrow or Monday and next week is 2 1/2 days of field day, and celebrations, then summer break. So every end of the year I plan something totally cool for the kids to do to keep them engaged as long as possible. For my 7th graders taking life science it was dissection of pregnant rats. This has evolved over many years and hundreds of dissections. Ask any adult what they remember about middle school science and they'll say, "ooh, we dissected _____ (fill in the blank with frogs, worms, sheep eyes, pig heart)". Well me always wanting to take it up a notch went for pregnant rats. So today I spent 5 hours dissecting pregnant rats. Let me tell you that the coolness does wear off and then it just becomes gross, but to watch every 7th grader talk about it and oooh and aaah is priceless. This week we had close to perfect attendance for our 7th graders and if you only knew what our attendance usually is you would be thoroughly impressed. For the first time ever in six years of dissecting I actually had a student throw up. He was so great and tried so hard. He would leave, barf, and then come back for more, barf and return. What a champ!

p.s. the sausage looking thing in the rat is uterus with the babies!