Movies From Mars

Phenomena is one of the most entertaining Dario Argento movies. It has everything a Argento fan could ask for, Gory murders, nice cinematography, a pretty good plot, a cool soundtrack, Donald Pleasence, a deformed killer child and of course a straight razor wielding chimp on a murderous rampage.

If that's not cool I don't know what is. A young Jennifer Connelly plays the insect loving lead in this unusual Giallo. Not only does she love insects but they love her too. The girl and the insects have a sort of telepathic connection and when she gets mixed up in the middle of a serial killers mystery the bugs come to her rescue and help her solve the crime. Unfortunately this comes at a high price for the young girl. She becomes the killers next target and again calls to her creepy crawly friends for help. What she actually endures is quite disturbing and has to be seen to be believed.

Its hard to decide who the best character is in this one because there are so many good ones but for me it has to be the pissed off killer chimp. Donald Pleasence plays a wheelchair bound cripple who spends most of his time with insects and his pet monkey. When he falls victim to the gloved serial killer the chimp goes bat-shit crazy and seeks revenge with a straight razor. Apparently this primate wasn't only mean on screen because during filming it bit Jennifer Connelly's finger off. It had to be sewn back on. Apparently the chimp was really nasty to her thru the entire filming. Perhaps the chimp was also telepathic and didn't like the fact that Connelly would be doing The Labyrinth with David Bowie in the following year.

 Aside from the vicious chimp, Phenomena sports some violence with scissors, a spear is shoved thru a girls head, faces are shoved thru glass windows, throats are slit and in a very nasty scene a handcuffed cop must smash and mangle his own hand to get out of the cuffs in a brilliant and gory pre Saw scene. There is also plenty of maggot-fu in this one. In one of the films most disturbing scenes a girl falls into a maggot filled pit of rotten corpses. This scene makes me want to puke every time. Phenomena was also released in a heavily cut version known as Creepers. It can be found in many public domain boxsets or in the dollar bin at the local video store. However the cut version is so brutally butchered it isn't worth fifty cents. Seek this one out in its true, gory, uncut form. You wont regret it. Its a must see for anyone who digs gory Italian Giallo's.

The Hose With Laughing Windows isn't your typical Giallo. It focuses more on atmosphere and mood then it does on gore and carnage. The creepy tone is more reminiscent of a gothic, haunted house movie or something that Mario Bava would have done then it is to later movies in the genre. Tho I didn't catch any windows "laughing" the doors and windows do seem to open and close on their own accord, which adds a sort of supernatural element to the movie. None of this is ever explained, which I find to be slightly annoying. I'm just gonna assume that the buildings in this movie were built on unlevel grounds and that is why these windows seem to have free will.

Stefano is hired by a midget to restore a painting in a church. It just so happens that the painting holds very dark secrets and has a sinister background. It turns out that the artist was a psychopath named Legnani.
As the secrets unfold, we learn that Legnani was most interested in the dying. The only problem is that he wasn't waiting for his subjects to die of natural causes. Legnani had two sisters, who perhaps were more mentally unhinged then he was. They would abduct unwilling subjects, torture and kill them so Legnani could paint them. Pretty interesting plot going on in this one. The only problem is that there is way to much of the talky stuff and very little murder and mayhem. As I said this one relies much more on its atmosphere and story line.

 By the time Stefano learns of the two sisters it is to late. Everyone around disappears or ends up dead. Its not long before Stefano is running for his life. The House With Laughing Windows does have a twist ending that I highly doubt anyone would see coming. It comes completely out of nowhere in true Giallo fashion with little or no hints. Although I really did like this movie I would say it doesn't have the highest replay value. If only they added in one or two more deaths in the earlier part of the film, it would help this thing move along at a better pace. However die-hard Giallo collectors will undoubtedly like this movie.

***Spoiler alert***
It really is the ending that makes this whole thing worth while. It turns out that the local priest is actually a woman. While it may be the norm for a Italian Giallo to use the priest as a psychotic killer I have never seen the priest expose a melon heavy tit to the audience and start speaking in a woman's voice. Awesome!! Aside from the transsexual priest, House With Laughing Windows offers up three pretty violent stabbing scenes and all of them are shown in close up with all the gory detail. In another scene a man is thrown from a window and left with an achy-breaky skull on the pavement, We also get a relatively nasty rape scene where a cackling, church going psycho has his way with a unwilling victim who is wearing some of the largest underwear in cinematic history. I mean it! Her panties make those 60's Nudie Cuties underpants look like dental floss g-strings. Aside from that we get one or two off screen murders for the sake of plot but when it is all said and done the the violence in the movie is kept to a minimum.

A Lizard In A Woman's Skin is the very first of Lucio Fulci's Giallo's and it really does have a nice look to it. The cinematography is great and so is the lighting and the sets. Even the murders are cool but there are definitely some key elements which knocks this one down a few pegs.

As time went on Lucio Fulci's films would get more and more gory and they would also make less and less sense. It was almost as if the Italian Godfather Of Gore just said to himself, well the audience wants gore and they don't care about plot, so fuck it! This film however makes perfect sense, the only problem is that it is just so god damn elaborate that you have to be hopped up on speed and not blink once to follow it. I always hated when mystery movies and especially Giallo flicks are over complicated and that is exactly what we have here.

It really is a damn shame too because A Lizard In Woman's Skin has a lot going for it. It has some amazing scenes. My personal favorite shows a girl being chased through an old church by a psychotic killer with a knife. It truly is a heart pounding scene and Fulci even manages to throw bats and a sniper into the mix and that's just fucking awesome. Then we have the nasty split-dogs scene where we see a bunch of white dogs split down the middle with a bunch of tubes hooked up to them and red gore spilling all over the place. The film is loaded with female nudity including some hot lesbian action and it also has a very hippiedellic vibe to it. Then we have some crazy images of a giant flying swan with a hole in it. So we have tons of really cool things going on.

Its all just very unfortunate that we are forced to sit through ten million twists and turns and I personally can never remember the final outcome even days after viewing the film. Still I guess this is nothing new to Giallo fans and those who would follow Lucio Fulci throughout his career shouldn't be to fazed. After all it is close to impossible to make sense out of the majority of his movies without hard drugs or at least a strong attention span.

Despite the confusion of the plot A Lizard In Woman's Skin well worth the watch for the gore and camera work alone.

This Spanish Giallo is also widely known as The House Of Psychotic Women in America and even aired on television as House Of Doom. To think of this movie on t.v. is completely ridiculous. Everything that is cool about it must have been removed. I personally prefer the Blue Eyes Of The Broken Doll title and for multiple reason. First being that it sounds like a genuine Italian made Giallo. Secondly, blue eyes and dolls are both part of the plot.

Blue Eyes Of The Broken Doll was directed by Carlos Aured who I remember best as the director of Horror Rises From The Tomb but it was co written by the great barrel-chest Paul Naschy and I thank the horror-gods for that. Paul Naschy stars in this murder mystery as Gilles. Gilles is a gardener and grounds keeper at a giant mansion. Living in the mansion aside from Naschy is a bunch of hot women. Its a house of hot psychotic women if you will. Or at least that's what they want us to think. Well some of these babes do seem to be a bit off and it is Naschy who seems to be the only completely sane person in the whole damn house. That is at least till the later part of the film.

Well it becomes quite obvious that Naschy helped write this thing because his character does exactly what we expect him to do. He basically walks around and acts tough all the time and takes his shirt off constantly to show us and the females around him his giant barrel-chest that we all know and love him for. Of course the women can't resist him. After all, they never can. They take turns screwing him and it all is just one big excuse for the girls to get naked in front of the camera and Naschy too of course. In fact the movie starts off pretty slow going and the only thing that keeps us from falling asleep is the bare breasted bimbos that are always on screen. If it wasn't for the nudity Blue Eyes Of The Broken Doll would probably be a real drooler.

Eventually the movie shifts gears and becomes less of a Sexploitation flick and more of what we would recognize as a Giallo. We do get a black gloved killer roaming about and knocking off the women one by one in true Slasher fashion. The killer uses multiple weapons but in one of the most memorable scenes the weapon of choice is a simple gardening tool. The small little claw that is used for raking weeds up from the garden but in this scene it is used to claw out a pretty blond haired woman's eyes. In fact there is quite a bit of this eye-gore stuff and we often see the killer roaming around with blue eyes in the palm of the black gloves. Priceless! We are also treated to some maggots pouring out of a corpses eye sockets which is always a nice added bonus in the gross department.

Wait a minute, isn't Naschy a gardener in this movie? Does this mean he is the killer? Maybe... Blue Eyes Of The Broken Doll has so many red herrings. They almost try to pass every character in the movie off as the killer at some point and yes we do get a fair share of twists and turns and chances are you will never guess who the killer is before it is revealed even though there are some hints dropped here and there.

Some of the other scenes that come to mind that are worthy of talking about is a scene where Naschy gets into a knife fight and ultimately is stabbed in the guts. A babe seduces an old fucker while wearing her best cheerleader outfit. We get some cool looking squib effects in a gory 70's shoot-em-up scene and the ending is sure to make you chuckle.

Nowhere near my top favorite Giallo flicks or even Naschy movies for that matter but still worth a watch for plenty of naked female & Naschy chests alike.

Written, directed and staring the great barrel chest who goes by the name of Paul Nashy. Nashy really blends the genres in this twisted tale of murder and betrayal.

Human Beasts also known as The Beasts Carnival and Cannibal Killers - Human Beast blends elements of an Italian style crime film, a gialo, a haunted house movie and an American style cannibalistic family like Texas Chainsaw Massacre or The Hills Have Eyes and in case if this isn't enough for you we are also treated to some killer pigs but we will get back to that later.

Paul Nashy plays Bruno, a backstabbing criminal who betrays his Asian girlfriend and partners during a heist. Once Bruno has the gems that he was after he shoots his partners full of holes and leaves his girlfriend stranded with the dead bodies on the side of the road.

Well we all know that the Japanese folk do not like to be dishonored so Nashy's girl swears vengeance upon him and fills him full of bullet holes to return the favor. With the help of some hand grenades Nashy makes his escape and seeks refuge in an old mansion where he is brought back to health by the man of the house and his two daughters. Right off the bat we know that something ain't right with this family. One of the daughters is a total slut-whore-nympho who likes to ride Nashy's unconscious, bullet filled body. The father likes to whip his black maid and the house seems to be haunted by a ghost of the late lady of the house. Of course Nashy sticks around and also takes turns sticking the daughters. We all know that the ladies just can't resist Paul Nashy and his infamous barrel-chest...

Soon the movie will shift gears again into slasher territory and we have a gialo type killer running around with black gloves and knocking people off one by one. In the best scene we witness a pervy man with a John Waters mustache being eaten alive by pigs. This scene is fucking awesome and makes the whole movie worth its time. Another victim catches a hook through the eye and we get slit throats and stabbings to boot. This is now the third Paul Nashy Gialo type movie I have seen to date. Panic Beats and Blue Eyes For A Broken Doll are the other two. I'm not sure exactly how many of these Italian influenced murder mysteries he has done but the three I have seen are all pretty cool for their own reasons and unlike the more popular Nashy monster-rama stuff Nashy doesn't necessarily have to win in the end.

Human Beasts comes complete with some artsy-fartsy and creepy dream sequences, naked female flesh, a bit of gore and cannibalism. Nashy fans will not be disappointed.

Murder Obsession also known as Murder Syndrome, also known as Delirium (not to be mistaken for Lamberto Bava's movie), also known as Fear, also known as Satan's Altar, also known as The Wailing, also known as Unconscious and many more is as confusing as sorting out these titles.

This 1981 Giallo crosses elements from erotic horror and supernatural haunted house type flicks with Satanic cults, zombies and general slasher antics. Its almost as if they just didn't know which direction to take this film in.

The story reminded me a lot of movies like Three On A Meathook with the oh so familiar tale of a boy who has been brainwashed into thinking he is responsible for a horrible murder. Of course when the murders pick up again they want the viewer to believe that the boy is up to his old tricks again but come on, we were not about to fall for that one again, were we?

The first half of the movie is slow going but very strange things happening at the same time with what seems like dream sequence after dream sequence. We have skulls in trees that cry blood, zombies and giant spiders that chase half naked women around a castle. This is not exactly my cup of tea, especially if I was told I am in for a Giallo flick. Well this stuff goes on for quite some time and Murder Obsession never seems like a typical Italian slasher/mystery until the later part of the film and when it all shifts gears into more familiar Gialo territory it is all way to elaborate and confusing for the audience to really even care.

On a more positive note we do get a fair share of bare breasted ladies. Amongst the nudie-cuties is (Black Emanuele) Laura Gemser. As expected Laura Gemser offers up her naked body and she also gets killed off by the black gloved killer. Murder Obsession also comes complete with a bit of incest between a horny mother and her son but for me the main highlight was a completely out of place murder which shows a man having an axe embedded into his achy-breaky skull. Brain matter goes a-flying and it all happens so fast it just seems like a subliminal message thrown into the film to get the monster-kids to go on a blood crazed, axe murdering rampage. Who the hell did I just see get murdered and why does it look like he is wearing a Michael Myers, Halloween mask? I'm confused again...

There isn't much here to recommend, unless of course you like Italian murder mystery's that make no sense. I know there are people out there who praise this movie but I would rather stick with a Gialo that I can follow. Oh and leave the Michael Myers masks to the Americans. Thanks.

Seven Blood Stained Orchids is another black gloved killer Giallo flick from the 70's. Italian director Umberto (Cannibal Ferox) Lenzi is responsible but regardless of what you think he holds back on the blood a bit and relies much more on the story line and plot.

Don't get me wrong. The violence is still there. There are three exceptionally brutal scenes but it all pales in comparison to films like Ferox and Nightmare City which the director would become so infamous for with the over the top gore and bloodletting.

One of the nastier of scenes shows a hooker having her achy-breaky skull smashed in with a pipe. We do get the red stuff and to top it off she is nude and not to bad to look at. Then we have another naked beauty being slain but this time Lenzi creates a bit more of an artsy-fartsy vibe with a camera angle that would give Dario Argento an erection and he mixes the blood with some paint that was laying around for a very strange outcome.

Then we have my personal favorite kill. Naturally it is the most gory of the lot and involves power tools. What we get here is an early example off a drilling-killing. Might I state that Seven Blood Stained Orchids came out in 1972 and the cult classic Abel Ferrara Driller Killer would not come out till 1979. Toolbox Murders was 78, Last House On Dead End Street in 77 and even Peter Walkers cannibal gore-fest Frightmare wouldn't come for another two years. To my acknowledgment Seven Blood Stained Orchids might be the first power drill killing sequence to hit celluloid. I'm sure I will rack my brain long enough and come up with an earlier title but as of now Lenzi is holding the original title for this type of bloodshed. The scene comes complete with bright red-orange Dawn Of The Dead style blood and boy does it spurt!

But as I mentioned this one has a bit more substance then your average American slasher. We get a very thick plot and while some very minor hints may be dropped as to who the killer is, my guess is that the average viewer would not guess it right.

I will say that Seven Blood Stained Orchids is a typical Giallo in some senses of definition. First off we get a black gloved killer and secondly there are a bunch of priests in the movie. I will not go into who the killer is but I will tell you that it was a well thought out script with lots of dead ends and gear shifting.

This one is really for the die-hard Giallo fans. If you are looking for lots of gore you might as well skip it and just rewatch one of Fulci's flicks.

Judging by the year and the title I think its safe to say that Lisa And The Devil was trying to cash in on the success of The Exorcist but unlike the countless Euro-Trash ripoffs like The Eerie Midnight Horror Show or Paul Nashy's Exorcismo, Lisa And The Devil isn't an Exorcist rip at all.

Nope! Instead Mario Bava does what he does best and directs another atmospheric Giallo.

Lisa is played by Elke Sommer who I remember best from another Mario Bava collaboration Baron Blood. She is stranded in a spooky old castle where a young man, his blind mother and Telly Savalas reside. Lisa believes Telly Savalas's character to be the devil and this is neither proven nor disproved but there is much worse things to worry about at hand. For one a killer is roaming about the castle killing people in very violent ways. We have stabbings, achy-breaky skulls are caved in with blunt objects (complete with red splatter that splashes all over Bava's camera lense), women are impaled on poles and in one of the most gratuitous moments of violence a man is repeatedly run over by a car. His mangled body is crushed worse and worse with each passing of the vehicle.

Aside from the bloodletting and random acts of brutality Elke Sommer bares a bit of tit for us in a much appreciated scene. We also have a bit of necrophilia going on and while all these horrible things are filling the screen Mario Bava yet again manages to pull off some incredible shots. The sets and locations are filled to the brim with decor and Bava makes use of every square inch. The lighting and shadows seem natural and add a whole new level of life to the film. In some of the most memorable scenes Bava shoots reflections through broken glass and a puddle of red wine. In another he films Savalas through a lake. We even get a typical American 70's horror movie type ending.

This one is bound to bore the average gore hound who is not used to this Italian brand of film making. Check it out if you have an open mind and can appreciate a bit of beauty with your horror.

Released the same year as Bava's classic Black Sabbath. The Whip And The Body tells of Sadomasochism, insanity and ghosts.

Also known as What, The Whip And The Flesh, Son Of Satan, Night Is The Phantom and many more.

The story is morbid but it crawls along at a slow pace with lots of talky scenes. Bava's direction, cinematography and lighting are the saviour yet again. With out Bava's artistic sense of direction The Whip And The Body would have been unwatchable.

Christopher Lee plays a sadistic man named Kurt who has been exiled from his wealthy families castle. He returns to torment his family once more. The lead actress is played by Daliah Lavi who reminded me a lot of Barbara Steele (Black Sunday, Caged Heat). Lavi is arranged to marry Kurt's brother but deep down inside Lavi has a secret love for Kurt and S&M of course. At first look it seems there is about to be a violent rape scene with clothes being ripped off and a bit of slap-happy fun but when Kurt brings out the whip Lavi's facial expression changes from horrified to a look of ecstasy. "You haven't changed I see... You always loved violence" Soon after Kurt is mysteriously killed with a dagger through the throat. The other members are of the house are being killed off one by one as Lavi is visited by the ghost of Kurt for some romantic sex and violence.

The Whip And The Body doesn't offer up any naked flesh but does deliver stabbings, a burning corpse, creepy settings, creepy lighting, elegant camera work, a repetitive score and of course whips. Gialo fans should see the predictible ending from a mile away but its still worth a watch for all Mario Bava fans. Although it doesn't match up with movies like Blood And Black Lace which would come out the following year The Whip And The Body is another example of what  Bava can do with limited resources.

Yep this movie pretty much sucks. What we have here is an Italian horror/mystery and many refer to films in this genre as Giallo's but The Embalmer doesn't quite fit as far as I'm concerned.

The killer likes to abduct and kill young girls. "All the victims were seventeen and eighteen years old". He then embalms them (Hence the title) and preserves the corpses so he can stand them up right in his own private gallery. There is no talk of necrophilia but I personally feel that this pervy bastard is doing more then just admiring his work.

The police don't have any leads as usual and a man from the newspaper press takes the investigation into his own hands and eventually finds the disturbing truth about the killer.

The Embalmer is a little bit to soft for my liking. Sure it has its campy moments, with the Italian version of  Elvis Presley and gratuitous freeze frames on the (really old looking) youthful girls but we don't get any close looks at embalmings or any real blood for that matter, plus the killer is lame as can be through the majority of the film. Usually we see our killer in scuba gear because he kidnaps his female victims from the water. It doesn't quite work and it gets repetitive after a while.

The Embalmer picks up in its final reel when we get to see our madman in the skull mask that is flaunted on the poster art. He even has some nifty tricks up his (monk) sleeves and hides amongst other skeletons in a crypt. The crypt scenes are rather affective and give off a creepy vibe but when we finally find out who the killer is there is little to no interest.

True Giallo films like Bava's Blood And Black Lace offer up murder on a much more stylish level. Skip The Embalmer unless of course you really dig diving scenes and scuba gear. Check out The Night Evelyn Came Out Of The Grave for a much sleazier time. Its is also an Italian horror film that offers up a killer in a skull mask but has much more to go along with it. You know... all the good stuff like Euro-boobs and blood. Even the story is much better.

Sergio Martino, the same director who gave us exploitation greats such as Mountain Of The Cannibal God, Hands Of Steel and Screamers delivers one of the sleaziest Giallo's in euro-trash cinema with Torso. If you came to see beautiful butchered women, you came to the right place.

The full uncut version of Torso also know as Carnal Violence offers up lots of hot euro-babes who bare it all... breast and bush. The only problem is there is a sex-maniac running around in true Giallo fashion with black gloves and strangling the girls with a scarf. The killer also wears a mask that is reminiscent of a Mexican wrestling Luchadore mask. However last time I checked Santo didn't chop up any pretty girls in Santo Vs. The Zombies and I suppose the whole masked killer thing is more of an American thing then Italian thing, Except of course in very few like Bava's Blood And Black Lace. The iconic American masked villain-slashers like Michael Myers wouldn't appear on screen for another five years or so.

For me the plot isn't overly interesting on this one and the story doesn't keep you on the edge of your seat like some of the better Argento or Fulci Giallo flicks but then again. I came here to see people die and this guy is one sick fucker... In the one scene that made this film so affective for me the audience sees a girl who is hiding in the corner of a room that is filled with her best friends dead bodies. The killer hacks all of her friends up one by one with a hack saw. The girl witnesses everything and has to hold her breath (or vomit) back while the horrible atrocity is going on. This whole scene reminded me of the Richard Speck massacre with the one survivor hiding under the bed while her friends were being raped, murdered and mutilated. For this scene alone I found Torso to be delightfully sick and twisted and this moment in the movie earns the film the right to be gifted with a title as great as "Torso".

Lovers of blood, breasts and gloved killers should get a kick from this one. I won't say who the killer is because that's not any fun but I will say that fans of this movie would most likely be fond of the equally trashy Slaughter Hotel with Klaus Kinsky.