Hell Is Only Me

by Sad13

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Here's a solo demo recorded December 2021, written for Speedy Ortiz's 'Rabbit Rabbit' but lurking in the cloud vault until now—"Hell Is Only Me."

It's up for download today only. All profit going to Gaza evacuation funds: linktr.ee/fundsforgaza.

lyrics

Took in the silence of friends on a wade through the flood as a clue. If what’s awful feels normal, maybe I’m adjusting to this headache’s permanent handhold.

He shot off pages of notes, as if ringing a door with a crossbow. Even hello is defensive. Mode on the stand’s best unknown. I can’t check out from my fleabag mindset cuz it’s now my comfort.

Hell’s hot, now I’m never not heated when I say: what you did was wrong. Hell’s heat? Not enough for me. Now I’m seeing 20/20 when I shoot in the dark. So run, before I hit my mark.

Baby’s suspicious of power, but its fumes bubble up from her drains. When she calls dibs on a high chair, all of the backbends make sense. This must be the bad place, no calls out for your resignation.

Hell’s hot, now I’m never not heated when I say: what you did was wrong. Hell’s heat? Not enough for me. Now I’m seeing 20/20 when I shoot in the dark.

The open case is widening. A blister pack of trial meds won’t stay shut unless you push the pill through. Tap it dry now. Take it with drought.

I’m never not passing the blame like a blade. My sleight of mouth’s a clean shot—exactly what you thought. I’m seeing 20/20, running for my mark.

Took in the silence of friends, every absence a chance to reflect. When alone’s feeling regular, hell is not who you think. Whisper my hope to the milkglass. Time’s flying first class. It's never not. Hell’s hot—it’s never not.

credits

released May 3, 2024
Written, performed & produced by Sadie Dupuis
(c) July Was Hot 2021

NYE photo by Kyle Perry

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Sad13 Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

sad13 is a cyborg dog astrally projected from the recent past to save the middle school dance. sadie dupuis is sad13.

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