I can’t remember whether they ever attended the make-up session. That issue soon became of little significance. What I do remember is that this interaction virtually ruined my relationship with these staff members—particularly those of African descent. One of the men, Olu, a Nigerian graduate student, would hardly talk to me after the incident. The others were also cool and distant. After weeks of painful supervisory meetings and superficial interactions, I decided to try to open the lines of communication. As a supervisor, I always hoped to be an effective source of challenge and support for all members of my staff, not just those who were white. So I decided to open up the conversation with the RDs that I was having trouble with. I began with Olu, in one of our bimonthly oneon-one meetings. The early part of the meeting was awkward. I entered the meeting with a strong hope that our issues had resolved themselves since our last one-on-one session and thus that I would not need to put myself on the line by making an overture to Olu.

Unfortunately, the tension during the first few minutes revealed that I was not going to be so fortunate. So I interrupted the too-familiar uncomfortable exchange with a statement that went something like this:“Olu, I’m saddened by our relationship, and I am very sorry for my role in bringing us to this place. I get the sense that these meetings are painful for both of us; at least, I know they are for me, and I really want to find a way to get through this. I want to be an effective supervisor, not only for the white staff members but for people of color as well. Can we talk about this?” I recall feeling intensely anxious while I spoke these words, and neither my opening statement nor any part of the conversation was free of emotion. Somehow, my words and demonstration of vulnerability helped Olu feel comfortable in opening up. He responded positively to my somewhat awkward attempt to reach out, saying that my relationships with the African American members of staff were, indeed, in trouble. We had a good conversation, and he suggested that I take steps to reach out to others as well.