PHF Magazine
April 2018
How do You Forgive Yourself. Talking to Children About Personal Boundaries.
Join us for a Picnic in the Park.
PTSD & Turmeric The Healthy Antidepressants?
CONTENTS Join us for a Picnic in the Park. Page 3 Talking to Children About Personal Boundaries. Page 5 How Do You Forgive Yourself. Page 8 Rekindle Your Inner Sparkle. Page 11 PTSD & Turmeric, the Healthy Anti-depressants. Page 12 Clarified Lifeline, because being safe shouldn't be complicated Page 15
PHF Magazine April 2018
Join Us For a Picnic In The Park Don't forget to mark your calendars for our upcoming event, Picnic in the Park in St. Augustine. Vendor information, call 904-762-7959 Or email us at: info@preciousheartsfoundation.org Join us on social media: (Click on the links below)
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PHF Magazine April 2018
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Talking to Children About Personal Boundaries. Why is it important that single parents in particular talk to their children about personal boundaries? According to the National Incidence Study of Child Abuse: “Living with married biological parents places kids at the lowest risk for child abuse while living with a single parent, and a live in partner increased the risk of child abuse to more than eight times that of other children” 8 times. The
number is a little overwhelming to say the least. First do not beat yourself up over this static. Single parent homes can be superior to having children raised in a horrific marital environment. I believe that knowledge is power and with the knowledge I deliver you can keep your children safe from unwanted touch. The most important words I have to say to you today are prevention, prevention, and prevention.
Reasons why single parents need to be vigilant about this topic are obvious. Your children are not always under your watchful eye. In two parent families one person may take on a chief child care role. In a single parent family this role is usually provided by a nanny or other child care provider. Children spending large periods of time at daycare need this information months before they arrive at the daycare. Many time this is impractical as some children enter daycare at six weeks of age.
“Single parent homes can be superior to having children raised in a horrific marital environment.” PHF Magazine January 2018
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Parents who are divorced have a more difficult time monitoring who comes into their child’s life than a parent who is not is not divorced. Children whose parents are divorced spend time at both parents’ houses and are not always under the same level of supervision at each house. Divorced parents send young children out of state at times for extended holidays and summer vacation. It is not possible to do background checks on all of the people your children will be spending time with. You are not there to observe your children with these other people and have no way of knowing how they interact with your child, or even if they should be interacting with your children. Both sexes are in danger when discussing child abuse. Boys often thought to immune to these issues are not. Boys are at risk for childhood sexual abuse almost as much as girls. According to From Darkness to Light a child advocacy foundation. 1 in 4 girls is sexually abused before the age of 18 and 1 in 6 boys. It is imperative to have conversations with boys as well as girls around body safety. No child is safe from unwanted touch.
Keep it simple and straightforward. What most parents are completely shocked about is how early you need to start talking about this topic. I say babies as young as one month old can have the body safety book Some Parts are Not for Sharing read to them. I say this because the average age kids are first approached is at the tender age of 4 years old. Four is not even formal school age yet so parents can not depend on school officials to introduce this to your children. Many parents protest at this point and say “This is too young I do not want to talk to my baby about this!” I can tell you with 100% certainty that prevention is fun and easy. Spend your time protecting your child from this awful crime. It is much easier and less heartbreaking to do prevention than remediation. It is also important to repeat this message to children multiple times. Once is not enough.
What should parents say to their children and at what age should these conversations begin? It is easy to talk to children about these issues because they do not have the same feelings that adults do around this subject. The message you send to your children is “Your body is your own. It is not okay for anyone to touch you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable.” PHF Magazine April 2018
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In conclusion what parents need to remember is it is never too early to start talking to children about body safety. When I “talking” I mean even just reading Some Parts are Not for Sharing or another body safety book. I wrote Some Parts are Not for Sharing to help parents keep their kids safe, it also gives parents age appropriate language to use. The book is for children age’s 0-8 years old. My personal goal is for every child everywhere to have the book read to them. Keep talking about this topic because kid’s brains are always changing. I believe most child abuse is preventable if kids had the necessary information before they were approached. Most children are harmed by someone they know. 90% of kids who are raped know their perpetrator. Lastly, do not be afraid to talk to kids about this. The only thing to be fearful of is if you choose to say nothing. The key to success is to remember prevention, prevention. If you are a single parent remember prevention, prevention, prevention. A special thanks you to Precious Hearts Foundation for giving me a prevention platform. I am honored to work with your organization to help end childhood abuse. To read Some Parts are Not for Sharing visit: http://www.juliefederico.com/
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How do you forgive yourself? I was 27 years old, already divorced from what had been a highly dysfunctional marriage. “Party” had become my middle name that encompassed drinking, getting drunk and participating in many one-night stands. I was also a competitive runner, somehow juggling the two. Travelling to out-of-town races to compete was frequent and it was at one of these events that I met Dan. The chemistry between us was instant: he was funny, attentive and intelligent and to top it off, very good looking! Our rendezvous continued after our first encounter in spite of the fact that
he was married with 4 children but I didn’t care. I was smitten, only wanting to be with him whenever he was able to get away. He became my drug of choice and before long I truly believed that I couldn’t live without him. A year and a half later his marriage ended and he moved in with me. I was elated, finally able to have Dan all to myself, determined to make up for what his marriage had lacked, determined to make him happy. In my neediness and desperation to be loved, I had missed a lot of warning signs of what Dan was really all about, not that I would have paid attention anyways.
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A phrase he often came out with (jokingly of course!) was “might is right.” In just 2 months of being together, I was introduced to Dan’s “other” side which I described in my memoir, “Unfinished – A Personal Journey of Healing, SelfDiscovery and Resilience.” It was only the beginning of living with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. The good, charming doctor was who I had fallen in love with, not bargaining for or aware of his dark side. Dan never acknowledged or admitted to any abuse. Instead, it became my fault. “If you had just left me alone,” he often stated. I was walking on eggshells, so careful to try and say the right thing so as not to set him off; so careful to avoid off limit topics, especially when it came to issues in our relationship; so careful not to look at him the wrong way. No matter how hard I tried to do everything “right,” I would inevitably slip up, becoming the target of Dan’s anger. My lowest point came when I discovered that I was pregnant. It should never have happened as I was protected from such but it did. I had not planned on having children however, after reality set in, I knew I wanted to have this child. I told Dan the news, pretty certain that he wouldn’t be happy about it considering he already had 4 children but I was not at all prepared for his matter of fact response: either I have an abortion or he would leave me, period. I was devastated, unable to put into words the pain that enveloped me. What I wanted was irrelevant, unimportant and just didn’t matter. At the time, he was my world and he knew it yet he inflicted on me the cruelest form of emotional blackmail. I felt like I didn’t have a choice.
Of course, Dan got his way. I turned my anger against him, inward, loathing myself for what I had done. I would sit alone in the dark, feeling despair. Despair of my neediness to need him, no matter what the cost. I stayed for another 3 years, the abuse continuing and becoming more frequent. What finally gave me the courage to leave were the words from a friend that I had known only a short time. He had observed Dan’s treatment of me and on one occasion he sat me down. I clearly recall him taking both of my hands in his, looking directly into my eyes, telling me that I did not deserve to be treated like this and that I deserved better. It became my turning point. It has been 27 years since I summoned the courage to leave Dan. What followed was intense counseling and therapy that I so desperately needed to help me understand the how’s and why’s and the choices that I had made along the way.
It was only the beginning of living with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. The good, charming doctor was who I had fallen in love with, not bargaining for or aware of his dark side.
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I have also grappled with the whole notion of forgiving those who have wronged me. How do you forgive the unforgivable? More importantly, how do you forgive yourself? For years I was angry and resentful which was only keeping me stuck. Slowly, I have come to the realization that forgiving does not mean acknowledging that what he or she (or me!) did was okay – far from it. Oprah has quoted many times that it is a matter of “giving up the hope that the past could be any different.” It is what it is and letting it go does not mean that they “won.” Quite the opposite: “they” can no longer hold me prisoner, entwined in their karma.
A clean slate, a new beginning: that is freedom! You can find Isana's book on Amazon Unfinished
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Rekindle Your Inner Sparkle
When we leave a relationship which has been spinning around in a cycle of abuse, we wonder who we are, especially when our abusers are narcissists, emotionally abusive and gaslighting. Are you in a relationship and feel lost? Have you just separated? Divorcing? And now you are wondering who you are? Enroll Now: www.clairecappetta.co.uk
“A step by step course to regain your self-esteem from a narcissistic relationship. You can heal and become stronger than before.� Are you ready to sparkle?
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PTSD & Turmeric, the healthy antidepressants? Being British, there is nothing more we love than a good old curry. The thought of it brings feelings of warmth, cosy, comfort food. We all have “Go to” comfort food, no matter what our nationality is, but for me, if I had the choice on a cold, damp evening, it would be curry whether it be a Korma or a Tikka Masala. But what if there was more to it? Research shows there is. It is a simple ingredient called “Turmeric” or Curcumin. It is now documented that this simple fragment spice can work better than Prozac and there have been studies carried out to prove it. There was study on rats carried out by Glenne Schafe, PhD, a psychology professor at Hunter College in New York City.
He created a diet for the rats which was rich in turmeric, creating the Pavlovian test. Rats were introduced to a test which instilled fear, however when the rats ate the turmeric filled food, it was found that is suppressed their fear. “We showed that rats freely fed a diet enriched with curcumin have impaired encoding of fear memories,” Schafe said. “We also showed that rats with a pre-existing fear memory can lose that memory when it is recalled while they are eating a curcumin-enriched diet.” As survivors, who have been left with traumatic memories or flashbacks this can mean a world of difference! It shows that the memories of our past events can be lessened to a degree by impairing the “Fear memory”
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It has also been shown that Turmeric can boost neurotransmitters of serotonin and dopamine in our brains. Prozac can boost these too, but which would you prefer? Prozac or a natural spice? Researchers from the Government Medical College (Bhavnagar, Gujarat, India) published the results of the first study. They took 60 volunteers with Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) to partake in the study, half of the group was given Fluoxetine (Prozac), the other half Turmeric. It was discovered that the curcuminoid in Turmeric was just as effective but without the side effects! Don’t think of it as a new spice either, in Medieval England they called it Indian Saffron and used it to dye clothes yellow, little realizing it medicinal, therapeutic effects as not only a booster to help us feel less stressed and happy, but it also helps with diabetes. It is an anti-inflammatory and antiseptic. It kills bladder and lung cancer cells, detoxifies your liver, lowers cholesterol, improves cognitive thinking, and helps increase your life span. It has some amazing healing properties and it all comes from the rhizome (rootstock) of the Curmuma Longa plant with its chemical compound, curcumin. There have been several peer-reviewed scientific articles published about its effectiveness.
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We are all busy through the day and don’t always have the time to throw a curry together on an evening after a long hard day at work but we can still fit it into our daily routine. In the UK, when we make chicken salad, chicken in mayonnaise for a sandwich, we throw in some Turmeric in the mayo as we mix it up and Viola! Coronation Chicken sandwich. Or it can be taken as a herbal supplement.
Popcorn tossed in turmeric “So next time you are feeling depressed, down, feeling anxious and need a boost, reach out for Turmeric. It’s like a little hug in a warm spice…” PHF Magazine April 2018
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Clarified Lifeline
We have just launched our crowdfunding campaign on Indigogo for the personal wearable safety device. It is bio-metric and works off nanotechnology and trajectory and waterproof to a depth of 30 feet, which means you can go swimming, shower or bathe with is on. The device shown is for the general public to buy. However, we are developing a “Patch� for domestic violence charities. It is so tiny, you can hide it under a ring! We know first hand what it is like to be in a domestic violence relationship and how hard it is to leave, that's why we will be giving the patches out for free, with a small monthly service fee. It records all that is happening around you and time stamps it for evidence, so it can be used in a court of law. It doesn't use Bluetooth, so no need to connect to an app for a call for help. Our app is designed to register the patch and for mental health with meditation, mindfulness, journal, picture folder, community and cognitive behavioral therapy.
Because we believe being safe shouldn't be complicated! Help us reach our goal: ClarifiedLifeline PHF Magazine April 2018
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ABUSE IS NEVER OKAY IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS A VICTIM OF DOMESTIC ABUSE, CALL 9-1-1 OR YOUR LOCAL DOMESTIC ABUSE SHELTER
1-877-731-2210 FLAGLER BEACH EMERGENCY SHELTER FOR MEN
PALM COAST EMERGENCY SHELTER FOR WOMEN AND CHILDREN
THE ABUSE STOPS HERE! WWW.PRECIOUSHEARTSFOUNDATION.ORG PHF Magazine April 2018
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