1. |
Exit 18
04:21
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Then we said, all cravings fed,
Affixed with all we'd coveted,
We slept for several days and only dreamt of our own bed,
“It takes some time to clear your head.”
Are you aware it's a false chore
What we're pretending for, for it's strange
To question whatever we're meant for
What we're defending for for a change?
Wait...
Never stopped anticipating what's coming after everything
That would normally go wrong just doesn't go
(still the surface sits above)
wrong. It's just I've wondered after our every goal was met
What's it like when there is nothing left?
(will it work until it's done?)
Fate we asked for nothing, gave us nothing
Fate we gave all we could
Waste, you said, too late, you said
There was nothing we could do, you said
Your one regret was knowing it
Weights you're beneath will lift away
But what if you've no weights?
What are we beneath?
Wait...
Hey wait
We're almost there
They're almost here
Never gonna get used to the volume of the echoes
How the halls can seem so crowded now with nobody else inside
(we're almost back, we're almost through)
Though we still don't recognize,
Though we tell each other otherwise,
In the end there is so often permanence in our goodbyes
(we're almost through, come back through)
I packed everything and put it in different rooms
Put a blanket over the corners so you won't scrape it when you move
I guess that'll do
Oh and one other thing, feel free to take anything
(I'll see you soon)
All I ask is if you do, just put it to good use
(I'll think of you)
Now how we wanted to get out
Without turning around to retrace
Clever enough we won't get stuck
But we've got dumber luck
So we wait...
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2. |
Tethered
04:43
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If you don’t know by now
What’s the matter again?
There was a loss, it didn’t connect
I guess then you’ll never know
Light broke through the window
It never leaves you now
Just tracing circles
And I could get up soon,
But then I’ll still have to face it
There was an atrophe
The arms that we used to pull us free
Stay, I’ll be down right away
Thought about all you’ll never know
It’s been so long
Thought about how much still hasn’t changed
Romanticized the orange sky
But I’ve seen a sunrise a dozen times
If you don’t want to try, it’s alright
Then when everything came back to us
There was no end to our recolection
Awkward placement in our
Far-more-awkward scenes
Took a job in your misery
Cause you knew that’s where she would be
(Look at you, she’ll be ready soon)
She left, and so you wanted to leave
And you messaged her coming clean
And then she said that she’d rather be with
(Then she flew to)
The best friend of her brother
Who said he loved her
Say, do you feel so grown the way you are,
Do you ever fear you’ll never feel that way again?
I guess that’s what it’s supposed to be like
Things that kept us up at night
All that anchored us can never have that weight again
So it came and went
Rope we’re tethered to, bound by its fraying end
Then you looked at me
So credibly you said
You’re looking through a lense
Back then you couldn’t wait for this all to end
Though there’s nothing we can learn
Giving nothing in return
A pain we earn so why repeat it?
(don’t rely on your eyes to inform you
When you know how easily they misinterpret the light
So focus on what we’ve measured repeatedly)
(dreamed again the other day
A fleeting thought, uneven shape
Thought you might see her there
An eager pace, an empty chair
So why repeat it?)
(said you came intent to say
Content to always stay the same
The friends you made and pushed away
The price you paid so why repeat it?)
Final descent, sheets for a different bed
Everything we said still ended in an argument
Then the ill would end
And then again
The cracks that would form
We’d fill, we’d mend, we’d fix
But there was permanence in our reluctance
What if we just watch them leak
As we lie in wait until the rain came
Some day
We’ll watch above as the ceiling bows and breaks free
Day dreams we’ll be repeating
If you don’t know by now
You’ll never know
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3. |
Asystole
03:56
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When we looked beneath us
The ground was no longer there
How long had it been?
(how long without it?
Had it ever been under us then?)
Our hands would meet then pull away
Couldn't keep the thoughts from coming back
Of us and everyone you meet
And what your last words will be
And you were sure it would be something you wouldn't mean
Hushed by the sound of your asystole
Then at peace
When we looked beside us (not now)
Bedside, the breathing machine
Not quite how we thought it would be
(knotted around you
How hard it was to see)
Does it feel like
We're watching ourselves on camera?
(recurring scenes)
Even if we plead with the screen
No matter how many times we
Offered ourselves something (a solution)
There was permanence in our resignation
No argument
No new direction
No revision
Changed our mistakes
We did it the same way
It turned out the same way
It always ends the same
And nothing ever changed
Hand on my shirt sleeve
There was something you couldn't say
There was some place you couldn't stay
Lowering your voice you said
You want this all to end
You wanted everyone to go away
(stall, you said, rainfall, you said, the only thing)
(what now, still, you said, be still, you said, rainfall)
Felt painted on the walls
A form unfilled just faintly traced
Only several days
Start to fade away
(your weights will lift away)
Suddenly
Only shade remained
Void of what
Gave your mark its shape
(your body lifts away)
Further down
As you drift away
Floating on
Further floating until
Nothing
(you're making a mistake)
Reaches anymore
Only rainfall
Rainfall
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4. |
Marathon Luck
05:09
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Tell the one you used to tell
Tell the one where in the end
Two lost people find each other
(on and on)
Tell us the one where they're together
Tell us the one where we could see
Ourselves in that very situation
(on and on)
Tell us the one where out of nowhere
Something went wrong and you weren't
Sure if you could make it out of this one
Tell us the one where we recover
Tell us the one where all we did
Actually made a difference
(your cadence slowed
The lights down low
Setting made a difference)
Tell the one where we all
Make it to a better place
You never believed it, did you?
I wanted to make it true
Though we never heard how it all ends
We both dreamt it the same
Your penumbra crept beneath the door
A dull unechoed form (reflected on the floor)
You didn't know I saw you standing there
(I didn't sleep at all)
Before your mirror
Do you ever watch until
The other body moves in spite of you
Statue still
Always they'd watch you
Always they'd watch you
And even in the absence of light
Middle of the night (like tonight)
If you let your eyes adjust
(tell us what you see)
You can see it watching, staring, waiting for you
And even through our affirmations
(there's no path through)
Even though we honestly prefer the illusion,
There is a permanence in our despair
I take your arms and shake you from your sleep
I tell the one where one by one they came to visit you
(breathe in)
I tell the one where you had just imagined it
(breathe out)
I tell you the one where I will never ever ever go away
I tell them all but you don't care to hear it
And you turned away
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5. |
Let It Be Said
05:17
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Started for no apparent reason
Tried to conceal it so no one would witness
The stains it would leave on my white shirt sleeve
Keep it secret
Tried misdirection but noone believed it
Tried to present an alternate scheme
But all in all they sent me to the nurse again
Time to prepare for steps you’ve not been taking
Breathe a deep breath while I listen here
Still terrified of taking off my shirt again
All I wanted was to disintegrate
They managed to take our picture
Peeling back the yearbook cover
Seeing our own stature
We held our peace
Hey is everything okay?
Haven’t talked in several days
Keep it secret
We went back the way we came
If we bury the seed in the ground
Adhering to the proper sequence
Then the torrent came
Then it swelled with rage
Then it split and splayed
Into pieces
Did we even feed it
Did it even matter?
We’re marked by the scene
Even if it’s only in a dream
(simple pattern weighted toward)
Disaster follows after me
Then she came
Keep it secret
Then did you know, he said, did you know
They had to keep the school from burning down again
So they had installed asbestos under the tile on the floor
Then he said, then he said
If you breathe
If you breathe the dust kicking up
You’ll come down with a disease
Everything’s alright, you spent several hours last night
Pulling all your posters down then putting them
Back in their place, exactly the same way
But now everything’s fine, you’re calling just to say
Everything’s alright, an ill refined to
Conceal our bandages from whom they’ll hurt the most
Even though we want them to know, to see
There was permanence in our deceit
So the vessel flows
To crash and capsize and roll us over
We take no witness, take no heed of faith
For we just want to suffer from a storm we know
Still ashamed of callousing hands,
Ashamed of the shape, the way they used to be
(roll us over, keep its secret)
Underneath
Steel surface
Secretly we
Bleed
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6. |
Pareidolia
05:42
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All that I remember
Turning over
Static tone, an airlock door
An echo of a kindness I would know
You had sunk against the wall
We were motionless
We were in the scene
Unaware of its meaning
At action I would go
You authored an instruction
A catalogue of everything you left
Before you could do
If you could let me try
If you could give me time
I can make things right
A letter returned to sender
(we tried)
I had offered its destruction
‘Cause everything reminds us of us still
Stuck and trying not to grow
The quiet way we let go
Echoed back
An ire I would know
Then again again again again
Again I guess it was me
But we couldn't know its futility
The time I spent just to get just as ill again
I don't have the words, I don't feel right
(The time always eludes us now
Always escapes somehow
I want to go, I know, I don't feel right)
Everyone is waiting
Everyone is staring
Everyone's aware, just give them something
Fine, we lied, okay with it
Unloved, unseen, but
There was permanence in our desire to be
Then I caught it
A reflection I don't know
Up at night, rewind the replay and overanalyze
It didn't do you any good did it?
Besides, the datapoints never seemed to
Actuallize a change, a benefit
You tried to emulate what you thought the rest were like
But everyone seemed to overemphasize
The feelings we're all supposed to get
Regret
It didn't fit it didn't fit it didn't
Sit right that everyone's supposed to have this
Insight, with no developmental fist fight
You walk on the set so unprepared to face the stage lights
Words never even read let alone memorized
Fed the lines in time but it doesn't sound like something I would say
I really tried to make us all believe it
But they all could hear the way I hesitated when I spoke
No getting over it
Things aren't the same now
I just need
Some more
Time
All that I can remember now
A tidal vertigo
An empty row
A silence I would know
A departure
A deduction
Reliant on devices never intended
Brace the fall
Cabin lights fading as it scrapes the hull
(a violence I would know)
Pace your crawl
The water's coming in already half full
Even though
Surrounded by ocean inescapable
(a rescue wouldn't show)
Dreamed a kindness I will know
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7. |
Overgrowth
04:57
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You crushed its feathers in your palm
What used to bend the light to once a brilliant green
(the way it was would disappear)
Lay lifeless there, pale and hollow
To preserve it, you would learn to be more careful
And so delicately one by one
Though it could no longer fly
(although it didn't disappear)
It paid for its beauty backwards
And we never tried to stop it
There was a prayer song sung
Echoed from beneath us
And back again
Moments that felt meaningless
I guess every time they hid some closet culture
Now then if it comes again
Can we recognize its structure when it happens?
See, we can go back now if you want
Can we, back to when we were okay?
There's a house set over the lake
The lights are never on
Just promise not to go there
Promise not to go there
Tried to stop it, the winds that swept us over
Stop it, the measurements of what it cost
For although we've grown,
There's a permanence in what we've lost
We could never stop it
Bleed the muscle, clean and grind its bones
We no longer found its damages with no feature
(can we stop here for the night)
With no purpose
(can we please go back tonight)
With no honesty
No,
We've more to go
We're almost
Almost
Home
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8. |
I/O Parity Interrupt
04:18
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Thrown
Spun out of control
An inch of fallen snow when you woke
Soulless photos in a row
How many knowns were we
Ever afraid of?
So
Our homes will never grow
A barely mumbled intro
Nigh, day broke
Somehow
Narrow chances let go
We should not be here
Never over
What it all means
If in the end everything
Penned just before throwing into the flame
Is erased
Know I’m sorry, I’ll be with you always.
Another year
Another lesson
But there was permanence in our miscomprehension
In our wasted attention
Overtime, don’t wait up tonight
Out of time
Lead circuitry was breached,
Bleed the memory
Compare the value it reads
Loss of functionality
No longer indiscrete
A failure to restore parity
Thought all the ill it caused
Was now gone
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9. |
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Concatenate the string
A syntax that's never meant anything
Our language not enough for us to keep
From feeling anything
Void silhouettes wouldn't try
To position their forms toward the light
Mired and disfigured, we preferred the fantasy
To what we were each really like
A dialogue, a paper due
(an awkward placement)
Were forced to see something you shouldn't have
A quiet empty train, you knew you never said something you wouldn't have
When time was up you looked it through
Asked to have learned something you couldn't have
(you heard the sound, the crowd, and everyone was there
Behind the door, they waited for you
Hushed, the flash, the light, "surprise!"
By yourself again
You held the last regret you're ever gonna)
Slow our bones will calcify
A giant flash of light
A stroke of midnight
Maybe it's finally time to do all you wanted to
(I don't mind)
Your nighrtmares consistently coming true
(then again, again, again)
Then, remember the time we spent
Remember together in stride and step
The weights overhead felt like nothing
(remember the incident)
The faint, the fall, the scan, could be nothing
(nothing we could do)
(would be lovely to see you again)
I couldn't make it function
(I couldn't get it open)
Wait with me
Almost done
Everyone will leave you
Even if you stay
Always been a fix, there had always been a way
Do you still deny whom you've been lying to?
Didn't know a thing we could say
(we said nothing)
Stuck with the choice of never trying to
Clench the hand, the glass, the sand
We said we'd do everything different
We couldn't stop bringing up when this all would end
We couldn't still pretend
(our weights were back again)
(the memory will fade)
We know better by now
(remember amassing ambivalence?)
A specious reason
(remember the passing of time, was it wasted?)
Still comforting to believe
Then, again, a photo of friends
A message I hadn't deleted yet
An answer I hadn't conceded yet
(tell us the one where we get better)
An accident, hasn't stopped bleeding yet
(tell us the one where you're the center)
Just keep it secret
All that I remember out of order
(bury it, bury it deeper yet,
Do you think that your version is accurate?
A recollection you don't even comprehend)
Though we wished it,
There was never permanence in us
Don't blame yourself
(don't worry about me)
It was no one's fault
(let your conscience free)
We could not help doing it over
Doing it again
When everyone surrounded you,
And they smiled and they spoke
You craved a chance to quietly withdraw
Now you know the quiet all the time
Crave to escape the silence, silence all your thoughts
All this time we never knew
Trapped our attention, what was keeping us apart
(forgive me)
Neglecting what was keeping us together
Tethered to obsessions that never mattered from the start
And never knowing any better
Hoped in the end it would matter what we said
But meaning only matters if you mean it
The last thing we said sounded sadder in my head
Did you mean it?
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10. |
Mono no Aware
03:17
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The book was written for someone else
To give perspective on our regrets
The book wasn't read
Full of passages that moved us that we'll forget
(something we couldn't be, swallow your suffering over again)
(then we tried, we left, we lied, still inside)
(done all we could do)
Shuffling along to the beat of your own inner dialogue
All this time I've been tumbling in a vacuum,
There's no terminal velocity
And from all I've learned I know eventually I'm gonna be
Fallling at light speed
And I don't know how it works,
but with the time dilation,
I just fear you're gonna be
Grown moreso than me
When I get home you'll have outgrown me
Don't feel bad, there was nothing we could do
Nothing could ever get through to you
(so you're alone now)
If you could do it all again, would you do anything different?
Would it even make a difference?
Can we go back again to the start?
We sat anticipating
A meeting in a parking lot
So much for the future
Always found a way to failure
When will you finally understand it,
Exactly what you're running from?
So you said...
Often you would open, and even more often you would shut down
And nobody offered any help, they didn't know a thing
Often you would look back
And often you'd watch yourself again
You never understood why it looked so different
Never learned a thing
So we dreamed of a different life
One where we're closer to the ones we love
(you can't deny)
On and on, tethered to our past,
We can't just build new roads
But we can break them apart
We can make them again
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Invalids New Jersey
Invalids started as the bedroom project of Pete Davis (with remote internet-based collaboration with other musicians). As of March 2015, it has grown to a proper four-piece band with the addition of Joe Scala, Raymond Bonanno, and Blair Benzel.
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