Marriage vows

Wedding ceremony at Kiuruvesi Church in Kiuruvesi, Finland, July 2007

Marriage vows are promises each partner in a couple makes to the other during a wedding ceremony based upon Western Christian norms. They are not universal to marriage and not necessary in most legal jurisdictions. They are not even universal within Christian marriage, as Eastern Christians do not have marriage vows in their traditional wedding ceremonies.^[1]

Background

The oldest traditional wedding vows can be traced back to the manuals of the medieval church. In England, there were manuals of the dioceses of Salisbury (Sarum) and York. The compilers of the first Book of Common Prayer, published in 1549, based its marriage service mainly on the Sarum manual.^[2]^[3] Upon agreement to marry, the Church of England usually offered couples a choice. The couple could promise each other to "love and cherish" or, alternatively, the groom promises to "love, cherish, and worship", and the bride to "love, cherish, and obey".^[4]

Western Christianity

Roman Catholic

Couples wedding in the Latin Church of the Catholic Church essentially make the same pledge to one another. According to the Rite of Marriage (#25) the customary text in English is:^[5]

I, ____, take you, ____, to be my (husband/wife). I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honour you all the days of my life.

In the United States, Catholic wedding vows may also take the following form:^[5]

I, ____, take you, ____, to be my lawfully wedded (husband/wife), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.

The priest will then say aloud "You have declared your consent before the Church. May the Lord in his goodness strengthen your consent and fill you both with his blessings. What God has joined, men must not divide. Amen."^[6]

Historically, in the Sarum Rite of the Catholic Church, vow of the wife reads as follows:^[7]

N. Vis habere hunc uirum in sponsum et illi obedire et servire et eum diligere et honorare ac custodire sanum et infirmum sicut sponsa debet sponsum, etc.^[7]

In English, the bride says:^[7]

Ich .N. take the .N. to my weddyd housbonde to hau and to holden fro this day forward, for bettere, for wers, for richere for porere, in seknesse and in helthe to be boneyre and buxsum in bedde and at borde, tyl deth us departe, zif holi cherche hit wyle ordeyne and there to y plight the my treuthe.^[7]

Lutheran

The wedding vows used in the Lutheran Churches are as follows:^[8]

I, [name],
take you, [name of bride/groom],
to be my wedded [wife/husband],
to have and to hold from this day forward,
for better, for worse,
for richer, for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
to love and to cherish,
till death us do part,
according to God’s holy will;
and I pledge to you my faithfulness.^[8]

Anglican

The law in England authorizes marriages to be legal if properly carried out and registered in the Church of England and some other religious bodies (e.g. Jewish, Quakers): other men and women who wish to marry can be married by a local official authorized to do so (civil ceremony). Circumstances may result in the same partners having both ceremonies at different times, though this is rare. The vows, presence of witnesses, and civil registration are absolute requirements under the law.

Civil ceremonies often allow couples to choose their own marriage vows, although many civil marriage vows are adapted from the traditional vows, taken from the Book of Common Prayer, "To have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part."^[9]

They were first published in English in the prayer book of 1549, based on earlier Latin texts (the Sarum and York Rituals of the medieval period). An older version of the final phrase is " until death us depart" where "depart" means "separate". "Until death us depart" had to be changed due to changes in the usage of "depart" in the Prayer Book of 1662. In the 1928 prayer book (not authorized) and in editions of the 1662 prayer book printed thereafter "obey" was retained (in the 1928 book an alternative version omitted this). The 1928 revised form of Matrimony was quite widely adopted, though the form of 1662 was also widely used, though less so after the introduction of the Alternative Service Book.

The original wedding vows, as printed in The Book of Common Prayer, are:

Groom: I,____, take thee,_____, to be my wedded Wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth.

Bride: I,_____, take thee,_____, to be my wedded Husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee my troth.

Then, as the groom places the ring on the bride's finger, he says the following:

With this Ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow: In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen.

In the Alternative Service Book (1980) two versions of the vows are included: the bride and groom must select one of the versions only. Version A:

I, ____, take you, ____, to be my wife (or husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy law, and this is my solemn vow.

Version B is identical except for the clause "to love and to cherish" where the groom says "to love, cherish, and worship" and the bride says "to love, cherish, and obey".^[10]

Since 2000 the service in Common Worship the normal vows are as follows:

I, N, take you, N, to be my wife (or husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy law, in the presence of God I make this vow.

However, the bride and groom may choose to replace the clause "to love and to cherish" with "to love, cherish, and obey" when the bride makes her vows.^[11]

On September 12, 1922, the Episcopal Church voted to remove the word "obey" from the bride's section of wedding vows. Other churches of the Anglican Communion each have their own authorized prayer books which in general follow the vows described above though the details and languages used do vary.

Quaker

In the United Kingdom, since the first law regulating marriage (the Marriage Act 1753), the state recognises marriages conducted by the Society of Friends (Quakers), Jews, and the Church of England.

The declarations made in Quaker marriage were first set down in a London Yearly Meeting minute in 1675^[12] as such:

Man: Friends, in the fear of the Lord, and before this assembly, I take my friend AB to be my wife, promising, through divine assistance, to be unto her a loving and faithful husband, until it shall please the Lord by death to separate us.^[12]

Woman: Friends, in the fear of the Lord, and before this assembly, I take my friend CD to be my husband, promising, through divine assistance, to be unto him a loving and faithful wife, until it shall please the Lord by death to separate us.^[12]

The procedure is restated in a minute of London Yearly Meeting of 1754,^[12] and the declarations remained the same until the twentieth century. In July 1922, the Committee on the Marriage Declaration was set up, and this reported to London Yearly Meeting in 1923, and after reference to a further committee the final phrase was changed to as long as we both on earth shall live;^[13] although the option of until it shall please the Lord by death to separate us remained as an alternative.

The current declarations allowed in Britain Yearly Meeting is:

Friends, I take this my friend [name] to be my spouse, promising, through divine assistance, to be unto him/her a loving and faithful spouse, so long as we both on earth shall live.^[14]

The following alternatives are currently allowed:

The declaration may be prefaced by In the presence of God^[14]
The declaration may be prefaced by In the fear of the Lord and in the presence of this assembly^[14]
The word spouse may be replaced by wife or husband as appropriate or by partner in marriage^[14]
The phrase through divine assistance may be replaced by the words with God’s help^[14]
The phrase so long as we both on earth shall live may be replaced by the words until it shall please the Lord by death to separate us^[14]
The declaration may be made in Welsh in "places where the Welsh tongue is used"^[14]

Civil marriage

England and Wales

Whilst couples may add to these, under the Marriage Act 1949, all civil marriage in England and Wales, and marriage by an authorised person (this includes religious marriage not carried out by the Anglican church, Jewish or Society of Friends (Quakers)), must include the following declaration and contracting words:

I do solemnly declare that I know not of any lawful impediment why I ____ may not be joined in matrimony to ____.^[15]

I call upon these persons here present to witness that I ____ do take thee ____ to be my lawfully wedded wife/husband.^[15]

The Marriage Ceremony (Prescribed Words) Act 1996 allowed an alternative declaration of either:

I declare that I know of no legal reason why I ____ may not be joined in marriage to ____.

Registrar/Minister: Are you ____ free lawfully to marry ____
Man/Woman: I am.

and an alternative of the contracting words of:

I ____ take you/thee ____ to be my wedded wife/husband.

History

The wedding vows as practised in most English-speaking countries derive ultimately from the Sarum rite of mediaeval England. The first part of the vows of the Sarum rite is given in Latin, but is instructed to be said by the priest "in linguam materna", i.e. in the "mother tongue" of those present.^[16] The vows of the first English prayer book of 1549 mostly correspond to those of the Sarum rite.

	To the man	To the woman	Man	Woman
Sarum^[16]	Vis habere hanc mulierem in sponsam et eam diligere et honorare, tenere et custodire, sanam et infirmam, et sicut sponsus debet sponsam: et omnes alias propter eam dimittere et illi soli adhaerere, quamdiu vita utriusque duraverit?^[17]	Vis habere hunc virum in sponsum, et illi obedire et servire, et eum diligere et honorare, ac custodire sanum et infirmum, et sicut sponsa debet sponsum: et omnes alios propter eum dimittere, et illi soli adhaerere, quamdiu vita utriusque vestrum duraverit?^[18]	I N. take the N. to my weddyd wyf, to have and to hold fro thys day forwarde, for better for wors, for richer for porer, in sikenesse and in helthe, tyl deth us departe, yf holy Chyrche wyl it ordeyne; and thereto I plyght the my trouthe.	I N. take the N. to my weddyd husbonde, to have and to hold fro thys day forwarde, for better for wurs, for richere, for porer, in sikenesse and in helthe, to be bonoure^[19] and buxum in bed and at bord, tyll deth us departe, yf holy Chyrche wyl it ordeyne; and therto I plyght the my trouth.
York missal^[16]	Wilt thou have this woman to thy wife, and love her and keep her in siknes and in helthe, and in all other degrees be to her as a husbande sholde be to his wife, and all other forsake for her, and holde the only to her to thy live's ende?	Wilt thou have this man to thy husbande, and to be buxum to him, serve him and kepe him in syknes and in helthe, etc.	I N. take the N. to my wedded wife, to have and to hold at bedde and at borde, for fairer for fouler, for better for warse, in sekenes and in hele, tyl dethe us depart. And thereto I plyght the my trouthe.
1549 Prayer Book^[20]	Wilte thou have this woman to thy wedded wife, to live together after Goddes ordeinaunce in the holy estate of matrimonie? Wilt thou love her, coumforte her, honor, and kepe her in sickenesse and in health? And forsaking all other kepe thee only to her, so long as you both shall live?	Wilt thou have this man to thy wedded houseband, to live together after Goddes ordeinaunce, in the holy estate of matrimonie? Wilt thou obey him, and serve him, love, honor, and kepe him in sickenes and in health? And forsaking al other kepe thee onely to him, so long as you bothe shall live?	I N. take thee N. to my wedded wife, to have and to holde from this day forwarde, for better, for wurse, for richer, for poorer, in sickenes, and in health, to love and to cherishe, til death us departe: according to Goddes holy ordeinaunce: And therto I plight thee my trouth.	I N. take thee N. to my wedded husbande, to have and to holde from this day forwarde, for better, for woorse, for richer, for poorer, in sickenes. and in health, to love, cherishe, and to obey, till death us departe: accordyng to Goddes holy ordeinaunce: And thereto I geve thee my trouth.
1552 Prayer Book^[21]	Wilt thou have this woman to thy wedded wife, to live together after god's ordinaunce in the holy estate of matrimonie? Wilte thou love her, coumfort her, honour, and kepe her in sickenes and in health? And forsaking al other kepe thee onely to her, so long as you both shall lyve?	Wilte thou have this man to thy wedded housband, To lyve together after god's ordynaunce, in the holy estate of matrimony? Wylte thou obey him, and serve him, love, honor, and kepe him, in sickenes and in health? and forsakyng al other kepe thee onely unto him, so long as you both shall lyve?	I N. take thee N. to my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day foreword, for better, for worse, for rycher, for poorer, in sickenes, and in health, to love, and to cherish, till death us depart, according to goddes holy ordynaunce: And thereto I plight thee my troth.	I N. take thee N. to my wedded husbande, to have and to holde from this day forewarde, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickenes, and in health, to love, cherish, and to obeye, tyl death us depart, according to goddes holy ordynaunce: And thereto I geve thee my troth.
1662 Prayer Book^[22]	Wilt thou have this woman to thy wedded wife, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Wilt thou love her, comfort her, honour, and keep her, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all other, keep thee only unto her, so long as ye both shall live?	Wilt thou have this man to thy wedded husband, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Wilt thou obey him, and serve him, love, honour, and keep him, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all other, keep thee only unto him, so long as ye both shall live?	I M. take thee N. to my wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth.	I N. take thee M. to my wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee my troth.

References

^ "Marriage – Welcome". Archived from the original on 2016-01-26.
^ Daniel, Evan (1901) The Prayer-Book: its history, language and contents. London: Wells Gardner, Darton & Co., p. 491
^ The betrothal in the Sarum manual: "I N. take the N. to my weddyd wyf to have and to holde fro thys day forwarde, for beter for wers, for richere for porere; in sykenesse and in hele [health]; tyl dethe us departe; if holy chyrche it wol ordeyne; and thereto I plycht the my trouthe". (In the woman's pledge, "hele" is followed by "to be bonere and buxum"; "bonere" means "gracious" or "gentle", "buxum" means "obedient")
Daniel, Evan (1901) The Prayer-Book: its history, language and contents. London: Wells Gardner, Darton & Co., pp. 493-94.
^ "All Heart Weddings - The History of Wedding Vows". All Heart Weddings. Archived from the original on 30 May 2013. Retrieved 26 April 2013.
^ ^a ^b "Catholic wedding vows". Our Sunday Visitor. Retrieved 10 February 2012.
^ "Catechismo della Chiesa Cattolica; pt. 2, sez. 2, cap. 3, art. 7: Il sacramento del matrimonio" (in Italian). Retrieved 2011-04-09.
^ ^a ^b ^c ^d Legg, J. Wickham (1915). "On the Retention of the Word Obey in the Marriage Service of the Book of Common Prayer: A Liturgical Consultation, addressed to the Bishop of Oxford, and written before the first of August, 1914" (PDF). Wells Gardner, Darton and Company. p. 13. Retrieved 29 April 2021.
^ ^a ^b "Our Wedding Service" (PDF). St. Paul Lutheran Church. p. 9. Retrieved 30 April 2021.
^ England, Church of (1815). "The Book of Common Prayer". google.com. Retrieved 16 November 2015.
^ The Alternative Service Book 1980, together with the Liturgical Psalter. Colchester: William Clowes, 1980; pp. 290-91
^ Common Worship Pastoral Services Church House Publishing; P 108 & P 150
^ ^a ^b ^c ^d Hull, William I. (1970). William Penn and the Dutch Quaker migration to Pennsylvania (Repr. d. Ausg. Swarthmore, 1935. ed.). Baltimore: Genealogical Pub. Co. p. 206. ISBN 0806304324.
^ Carnall, Geoffrey (2010). Gandhi's interpreter : a life of Horace Alexander. Edinburgh: Edinburgh University Press. p. 54. ISBN 9780748640454.
^ ^a ^b ^c ^d ^e ^f ^g Britain Yearly Meeting of the Religious Society of Friends (Quakers) (2014). "16". Quaker Faith and Practice: The book of Christian discipline of the Yearly Meeting of the Religious Society of Friends (Quakers) in Britain (5th ed.).
^ ^a ^b "Interpretation Act 1978", legislation.gov.uk, The National Archives, 1978 c. 30
^ ^a ^b ^c Morgan, Hector Davies (1826). The doctrine and law of marriage, adultery, and divorce: exhibiting a theological and practical view, vol ii. Oxford, England: Baxter. pp. 591–593. OCLC 11308498.
^ English translation: Do you wish to have this woman as a wife, and to esteem her, to honour, hold, and protect her, healthy and sick, just as a husband ought to do for a wife, and to forsake all other women, and to cling to her so long as your life and hers will endure?
^ English translation: Do you wish to have this man as a husband, and to obey him, to serve, esteem, honour, and guard him healthy and sick, just as a wife ought to do for a husband, and to forsake all other men, and to cling to him so long as your life and his will endure?
^ Niebrzydowski, Sue (2006). Bonoure and Buxum: A Study of Wives in Late Medieval English Literature. Bern: Peter Lang. p. 91. ISBN 9783039107278.
^ "The 1549 Book of Common Prayer: Marriage". anglican.org. Retrieved 16 November 2015.
^ "The 1552 Book of Common Prayer: Marriage". anglican.org. Retrieved 16 November 2015.
^ Baskerville, John. "The Book of Common Prayer, as printed by John Baskerville" (PDF). justus.anglican.org/. Retrieved August 7, 2023.