Project Management Triangle

At first I was like: "wtf just happened? Why is that hand connected like it was a robot?".
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Then I realised it's ​a watch.

I am so thrilled that the hackathon that I coorganized is happening! 😍😍

As a German I approve

Fiction vs Reality

I've been on devRant long enough that I'm getting familiar with some of the more frequent ranters here. I imagine it's been done before, but I'd like to put some faces to the names.

So post them mugs in here, fellas!

Here's me with my daughter (turns 1 next week!), taken last Saturday.

Boss: When will the website be ready?
Me: Um, maximum by Tuesday
*Boss comes back Tuesday*
Boss: Ok, show me the website...
Me: ....
Boss: ....
Me: I didn't say which Tuesday....

Train your people...

Free advice take it or leave it
A few days ago I completed my one year work anniversary(is that how it's said) at my first job. And this rant is basically stuff I learnt and stuff I wish someone had told me when I was starting out. Here goes:-

When you are starting out your first job you would be a fresh out of college and people around you in college are your friends where as people around you at work are colleagues. Your friends can like you, but you have to earn the respect of colleagues.

If you sit yo ass too long u will become fat(started going to the gym again).

Don't bother your seniors too much. they have their own shit to deal with.

Don't bring your personal shit to office I don't want to hear how cute your dog looked while it took a dump on your carpet.

Avoid the person who gossips.
It's a two way street.

Whatever you find amazing your boss may not you know coz you are a geek and your boss isn't.

Don't talk to people when they are coding.Yeah just don't.

Avoid "below the belt" humor you may look funny but you loose respect in the long run.

Keep upgrading yourself don't stop learning.

Admit stuff you don't know don't Bullshit.

To sum it up it's a game of respect, respect of knowledge,respect of skill and most of all respect of attitude.

That moment when your boss is introducing the new guy and you are silently making a list of all the git repos you need to back up before he makes it to his desk.

Me: Oh I see were using a non-standard architecture on this app. I like this bit but what is this doing? never seen it before.

Him: Ah we use that to abstract the navigation layer.

Me: oh ok, interesting idea, but that means we need an extra file per screen + 1 per module. We also can't use this inbuilt control, which I really like, and we've to write a tonne of code to avoid that.

Him: Yeah we wanted to take a new approach to fix X, this is what we came up with. Were not 100% happy with it. Do you have any ideas?

**
Queue really long, multi-day architecture discussion. Lots of interesting points, neither side being precious or childish in anyway. Was honestly fantastic.
**

Me: So after researching your last email a bit, I think I found a happy middle ground. If we turn X into a singleton, we can store the state its generating inside itself. We can go back to using the in-built navigation control and have the data being fetched like Y. If you want to keep your dependency injection stuff, we can copy the Angular services approach and inject the singletons instead of all of these things. That means we can delete the entire layer Z.

Even with the app only having 25% of the screens, we could delete like 30+ files, and still have the architecture, at a high level, identical and textbook MVVM.

Him: singleton? no I don't like those, best off keeping it the way it is.

... are you fucking kidding me? You've reinvented probably 3 wheels, doubled the code in the app and forced us to take ownership of something the system handles ... but a singleton is a bad idea? ... based off no concrete evidence or facts, but a personal opinion.

... your face is a bad idea

I get that fingerprint authentication is very convenient but I'd never use it (not even for privacy reasons that much).

When someone guesses/gets your password you can just say "alright let's change my password"

Imagine that with fingerprints: "yeah sure let me change my fingers"

😆

What seems to be the problem? Oh, is your wordpress site hacked/infected with malware?

So I guess you decided to disable updates because it might break your shitty little site? And I guess you thought those warnings you got from me and multiple colleagues about what could happen when you didn't update your wordpress bullshit weren't that serious?

Hold on, you want *US* to restore *YOUR* hosting backups?

Hahahahahaha-no.

Go clean up your own fucking bullshit. But, before you click that restore button, please take a cactus, carve 'I am a stupid wordpress cunt' into it, dip it in a bathtub of with blood mixed-infected cum and shove it up your ass.

Oh yeah I'm aware that that won't help your situation but it might keep you from reproducing and at least it'll give me some satisfaction.

Interviewer: So are you familiar with our company and what we do?

Dev: I looked at your website, looks like you build tools for managing restaurants.

Interviewer: No. That’s not even close.

Dev: ?

Interviewer: What we do is create an ecosystem of integrated data centres all orchestrated for immediate stakeholder utilization.

Dev: But the product itself…. it’s a user interface for tracking inventory. Of like…. burgers…. and bottles of wine.

Interviewer: It’s not a product! It’s a data……habitat!!

Dev: …

Dev: So does that make your users animals?

Interviewer: 😡. Unfortunately it looks like you do not see our vision and would not be a good fit for this role.

Dev: Agreed.

Dear devRanters,

If you're going to screenshot any part of your feed or notifications: PLEASE switch to dark theme first. My optometrist has already advised me that my sight is starting to deteriorate because of these screenshots.

Thanks,
A very concerned ranter.

Adobe Reader everywhere

Acceptable places to leave your bag when you get in, in the morning:

- Under your desk
- On your desk
- Infront of your locker
- On the back of your chair
- etc.

Unacceptable, is to throw your bag behind you and to the right, so it ends up in the middle of the floor and behind my chair.

Consistent use of this space, and me tripping over it will result in 2 things:

1. I will intentionally run over your bag, back and forth until I am satisfied everything is broken.

2. I will then pickup said bag and throw it, with force, at your head.

TV hurts your eyes

How the fuck do you want people to be productive if the office is loud as a fucking bar??? 😐😑😐

Your mama so fat, she's bigger than my node_modules folder

This bitch at work is afraid of hard work and is currently spending more energy fighting the work than just doing it.

She wants to keep a legacy setting that's on the wrong scope -- per merchant, not per payment -- in addition to the setting I've added on the correct scope. She's bringing in management two levels up all because "I've already moved on from this" and "it will require me to write code quite a bit" (first paraphrased for clarity, second is an exact quote)

Bitch, your way is dirty as fuck and is going to break things. Roll up your sleeves and do your damn job!

I finally subscribe to Netflix and am proud of myself for finally watching shows legally.

I search for Arrested Development.

Oh, guess what, it's not available in my country (Lebanon). Gotta set up a vpn now but all I wanted was a nice funny show. I want my $12 back.

Never get high on your own supplies

Sometimes I feel I'm an app developer, a web developer, a sysadmin, an ethical hacker and a programmer who's comfortable in several languages. At other times, I feel like I just know how to use the internet.