What’s your favorite scary movie? Are you a fanatic or a fraidy-cat? Either way, we’ve got you covered. Each week, horror fan Paige will take Horror Virgin Todd through the encyclopedia of horror one movie at a time. We’ll discuss classics as well as fan favorites, with the occasional new release thrown in for good measure. Mikey will make inappropriate jokes and Todd will scream like a little girl at every jump scare. It’s hilarious. Prepare yourself for spoilers, tangents, and lots of irre ...
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"Is this just Fight Club in the 80s?" This week’s most unhinged highway horror is The Hitcher (1986). This film has everything: Gas station explosions, Tyler Durden cosplay, and a Swedish-American shoulder-width that brings all the Pages to the yard. If you love shoulder theories, not know if Rutger Hauer wants to kill or fuck you, and cops doing t…
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381 - Wrong Turn 2: Dead End
1:34:36
1:34:36
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1:34:36"Have you never had a boba pee?" This week’s scariest road trip movie is... Wrong Turn 2: Dead End. This film has everything: A reality show where the prize is dying first. A muscle-bound host with drill sergeant energy who shoves dynamite in a dude’s overalls just to watch him pop. And a final girl redemption arc so meaty, you’ll swear this movie …
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This week’s scariest movie is... Friday the 13th (2009). This film has everything: an underground tunnel empire straight out of Gummy Bears, using a machete to hack away at a public library keyboard, and a burial comparison you will not see coming. If you love quick tunnels, blunt trauma, and silent killers typing with bladed weapons, this episode’…
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“It’s an R&B Blade.” This week’s coolest horror movie is... Sinners. This film has everything: A team up so legend Nick Fury would be jealous, Uncles reminding the nephew to eat, and both Michael A, and B Jordan's doing their best to protect their culture. If you love demon-slaying jazz clubs, delightful doormen named after bread, and learning that…
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“The monkey is basically Tommy Lee, and I'm sick of pretending not to notice.” This week’s most unhinged horror movie is... The Monkey. This film has everything: An electric detonation, A stripper face reveal that will blow your mind, and a haunted toy chimp that was just following orders. If you love flamethrower pawn shops, placenta-fueled twin r…
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377 - Terminator 2: Judgment Day
1:44:08
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1:44:08“He's made of knife.” This week’s slimiest horror movie is... Terminator 2: Judgment Day. This film has everything: a corrupted Windows version of Gollum, a reality where John Connor skips leading the resistance and just lives his best life frothing lattes at a Glendale café, and a robot so anatomically gifted he can slice a sandwich with his knife…
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"Psytopics is like R&B Dianetics." This week’s most unapologetically anti-fascist horror movie is... Freaky Tales. This film has everything: A Scott Pilgrim-style street brawl between punks and Nazis, a soft-spoken supervillain who can make a lisp sound menacing, and Sleepy Floyd, a samurai warrior who dunks on racists AND slices them in half. If y…
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“You have the right to remain charming. Anything you say can and will be used to make me blush.” This week’s most romantically unhinged horror movie is... Heart Eyes. This film has everything: A vineyard that produces a very bloody red, A killer throuple, And a masked maniac who forces a DTR mid-murder. If you love rom-com tropes, blood-soaked meet…
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“Clyde is like child Hitler.” This week’s most unhinged horror movie is… Pet Sematary 2. This film has everything: A stepdad who swings between “respect your mother” and “shoot the family dog” energy, a cat lover who will go full Liam Neeson on anyone who touches her pet, and Anthony Edwards navigating a love scene that takes a hard left into beast…
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"It's like watching a commercial for the board game Mouse Trap." This week’s craziest horror movie is… Final Destination 3. This film has everything: a Rube Goldberg Grim Reaper, the strangest public transportation premonition to date, and the best porn name outside of porn ever... Full Stop. If you love improbable physics, theme parks with anatomi…
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372 - Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night 2
1:28:46
1:28:46
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1:28:46"She got hit so hard with a volleyball, she got sent into the ghost realm." This week’s most unhinged horror movie is... Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night 2. This film has everything: A Pandora’s box hidden in a room full of capes, The most haunted art class ever, And a ghost kiss so terrible, it blows up her headstone. If you love chaotic prom energy, ha…
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"You can't breathe through your butthole." This week’s scariest horror movie is... A Quiet Place Part II. This film has everything: A baby in a Moses basket with a scuba mask, Emily Blunt flooding yet another basement like it’s her post-apocalyptic hobby, And a pirate radio station broadcasting nothing but Bobby Darin. If you love soundproof babies…
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"Tell me more about the time you used the dildo medicinally.” This week’s scariest movie is... Smile 2. This movie has everything: A Flatliners-style shock therapy plan that says “trauma, but make it crispy,” proof that Voss Water that might actually be a sinister organization, And a setup for Smile 3 where a stadium full of cursed teenage girls st…
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"If your husband comes back from the woods with a virus, just pack a bag and go." This week’s slimiest horror movie is... Slither. This film has everything: a man so nice they infected him twice, A small-town countdown to deer season, and a "Backter" reveal that will blow your mind. If you love parasitic slugs, small-town chaos, and family values w…
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"If you want it to be less formal, you’re gonna have to take off the fucks-edo." This weeks scariest movie is... Night of the Comet. This movie has everything. A retail uprising led by Stockboy Willie, the patron saint of mall trauma, Survivors who were clearly chosen by Zordon for their teenage attitude and excellent hair, and a sexy comet that tu…
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"What if we turn on the death machine that gives us boners?" This week’s horniest horror movie is... From Beyond. This film has everything: a scientist who accidentally builds a machine that unlocks the horny dimension, a sentient nut sack villain with a brain-dick, and Ken Foree fighting interdimensional monsters… in nothing but a Speedo. If you l…
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"Climb, girl, climb!" This weeks scariest movie is.... Night of the Demons. This movie has everything, A funeral home with a terrible backstory, a Spooky Strobe light Burlesque, and a hidden compartment you never saw coming. So grab your boombox, avoid mirrors, and for the love of God—CLIMB, GIRL, CLIMB! Help Support our HV Family: www.Patreon.com/…
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"I do declare, your smoked meats are superior." This weeks Scariest movie is.... Motel Hell. This movie has everything. A motel that may or may not double as a swingers' paradise. A meat-smoking entrepreneur whose meats get way too many sexual compliments. 50 Cent’s lost Halloween album, Rump Scare. A philosophical debate on whether vegans would ea…
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"Never follow a billionaire to a second location unless they don’t know you’re following them." This week’s scariest movie is Blink Twice. This movie has everything: sinister billionaires, mind-wiping perfume, and Channing Tatum’s suspicious new teeth. If you’ve ever wondered, “Is this CEO trying to kill everyone… OR just me?” while staring longing…
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"I got dick'ed down so bad that I moved." This weeks scariest movie was... Vampire in Brooklyn. This movie has everything: a toothy prince looking for his queen, an ancient supernatural bachelor patiently waiting for his best friend's kid to grow up so he can shoot his immortal shot, and a Scream connections you'll never see coming. Will Todd survi…
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"Arguably a better ending than Scream!" This film has everything: ghostface killers, a group of teens so clueless they make actual horror protagonists look like geniuses, and pop culture references so 2000s they should come with a dial-up modem. If you love slashers, satire, and comedy that hits way harder than it should, this episode’s for you! He…
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"Going Super Saiyan, for Jesus" This week’s hottest movie is... The Deliverance. This film has everything: a struggling single mother, children befriending demonic music producers, and Glenn Close delivering lines that will haunt your dreams. You’ve got the demonization of the social safety net, possessions, and an exorcism featuring Holy gibberish…
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“More like Orphan: 5th Kill.” This week’s hottest movie is... Orphan: First Kill. This film has everything: Isabelle Fuhrman in the “role of a lifetime”, a rich family with deeply questionable instincts, and Julia Stiles going absolutely feral. You’ve got identity theft, murder cover-ups that escalate at record speed, and a twist so insane it makes…
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"It's like the story of the Phoenix had a baby with Persephone" This week’s hottest movie is... Revenge (2017). This film has everything: a luxury desert getaway, a fearless heroine, and revenge so brutal it it features a blood slip and slide. If you’re into neon-drenched vengeance, stomach-churning gore, and men learning the hard way not to undere…
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"TRAINS CAN ONLY GO ONE DIRECTION!!!" This week’s hottest movie is... Species. This film has everything: a genetically engineered alien-human hybrid, a crack team of scientists, mercenaries, as well as a man who has access to his feelings, and Natasha Henstridge as a seductive alien with a tounge she can't wait to shove through the back of your hea…
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