Chapter Text
May 13th 2007, California
He’d only had four hours of sleep prior to the concert in Glasgow at ‘Give it a Name’, where he was close to suffering an asthma attack. Pressing a hand to the left side of his chest, he was shaking badly. Trying to make a joke not to scare people, he mumbled in the mike, “I shouldn’t smoke so much.” Luckily, a guy in the front threw his inhaler on the stage; Ville made use of it immediately and then continued the concert.
Ville’s thoughts were pretty random looking back at the spring tour. It had been hell – was pure hell and he didn’t connect with his old songs anymore; couldn’t remember the lyrics on stage as he stood unsteadily clutching the microphone stand and suffering the humiliation of hearing poor Mige or Burton singing half of the time just to get them through the British gigs.
Ville sat looking out of the window. His knee was jittering and his hands not too sure in his lap. Bam was due any minute with a reporter and a photographer. Already tipsy, Ville’s eyes kept darting towards the fridge in Paramount Studio’s kitchenette even though he knew it was empty now. Bam would bring more beer, and that’s why he was antsy. Would Bam remember or would he tease him until he produced what Ville needed?
The tall Finn couldn’t remember what magazine was interested in a photo session including them both. Nowadays it didn’t really matter to him. Closing his eyes in relief, he heard an engine stop outside and two car doors being shut. They were here.
Ville got up to greet them. He was supposed to stay in a hotel while mixing HIM’s new album with Tim Palmer, but right now, he was at the recording studio itself. He had a little room where he slept and those meagre accommodations suited him just fine. He didn’t want anyone to be bothered about his sorry existence while he finished his work. He was never sober, always considerably drunk, and it just seemed to escalate, making him more depressed than he’d ever been. He couldn’t stop it and just felt so fucking sick and tired of life. The only thing that kept him going was the music, but he couldn’t even sing the new melancholy songs satisfactory because he fucked up his voice with chain smoking and the constant drinking never left him sober. His manager Seppo - as well as Tim - were really worried about his rapidly deteriorating health.
Yesterday – at least Ville thought it was yesterday – another film crew had been visiting and he had showed them around the premises. Chuckling, the Finn wondered if he had shown them his toilet. He might have. Shaking his head, wetness suddenly bled from both tear ducts. He didn’t notice, and Bam didn’t say anything either when the confusing sight of an enthusiastic Ville with tear stains on his cheeks met him.
“How are you, dude?” Bam asked, embracing the too thin body. “Have you had anything to eat yet?”
“Uuhh,” Ville just stuttered, not really remembering the last time he’d had something solid in his stomach. Mostly, he lived of beer, asthma medicine, energy drinks, and cigarettes.
Bam dumped a small bag of pizza slices in Ville’s arms, and the Finn stood a little shocked not knowing what to do with it, so he dropped it.
Bam turned around and just laughed at him. “Dilldo Dalldo! What are you doing, dude?”
Ville shrugged at Bam’s newest acquisition of nicknames for him and stumbled a little, distancing himself from the noise and ruckus. His head was suddenly pounding and he remembered Bam was supposed to bring beer. A beer would be nice and dull the pain. He couldn’t remember how much time had passed between Bam arriving and possibly arriving again because the next thing that happened was that Bam thrust a beer in his hands and he smiled happily. “Thanks, Bam-Bam.”
“No problem, Willa.” Scratching his head, Bam thought Ville looked like a ghost. He closed his eyes to it because it only made him sad seeing how his idol was fading in front of his eyes. Opening a beer himself, Bam grinned and saluted as the contents were quickly gulped down his throat.
“Ville?” Bam asked, seeing the dopey smile on Ville’s face. “Are you ready? I brought some people. Did you eat the fucking food I gave you?”
Ville smiled and nodded. Of course, he was ready. “Food? No... I... where did I put it?” He turned a little, but Bam just patted his back.
“Never mind, man. Have another beer.”
They found a lounge and went to the sofa. Bam sat on the floor in front of Ville and they lit a few cigarettes as they sipped their beer. Ville used his cigarette to light Bam’s and the enthusiastic photographer took several shots, as they got comfortable. The questions were mostly harmless and Ville could sort of give the usual responses he knew like the back of his hand. He didn’t have to think hard and that was a terrific idea.
“What does your shirt say?” the interviewer suddenly asked Ville.
“Uum...” Ville said, trying to collect his thoughts. Then he smiled and said, “Aikuisten Lelukauppa... It’s my daddy’s sex shop in Helsinki.”
“Really?” The interviewer looked intrigued. “Sounds nice in Finnish.”
Bam laughed softly. That guy so knew that Ville’s dad had a sex shop. He probably even knew that the shop was Ville’s retirement plans; the guy just wanted Ville to loosen up and talk some more about the band and the album instead of the stony, dreamy comments he’d delivered so far. Looking at his friend, Bam leaned his head back against the seat and instantly Ville’s hand came down and stroked over Bam’s unruly curls. Bam closed his eyes and felt a shiver down his spine in pleasure. He loved when Ville did that. Any kind of caress from his friend was so precious to Bam. You didn’t get tenderness from a man for just what it was. There would be a hidden agenda that Bam was absolutely not interested in. However, he would never pass a lie detector claiming he was not interested in a hidden agenda with Ville. “It’s the coolest language there is - all vowels and still 57 different words for snow. Let’s go outside. Time to wake up, Zilla Zalo!” Bam said, clapping his hands.
Ville frowned and nodded. “Sure, Bam. But it’s the Inuit who have 36... 37 different words...”
“Don’t ruin my joke, Willa,” Bam grinned in Ville’s ear.
“Bam-Bam,” Ville said, slightly admonishing the American. Fuck. Things moved too fast and he realised they were in fact outside now. The sun was fucking shining and he could hear birds singing. Grinning his goofy laugh, he made Bam laugh, too. Ville was glad Bam was holding his hand because he felt a little dizzy. Maybe he should have eaten the food.
They descended the stone steps before they reached the pebbled ground surrounding the property. Ville remained there but Bam went up a step and stood behind him. That way they had the same height with Bam having the advantage of being a few inches taller. Putting his arm around Ville’s chest, he embraced him, and Ville put his hand on Bam’s arm. Bam toyed with the photographer and kissed Ville’s neck giving the guy a dirty look. Ville was oblivious of Bam’s gay vibes behind him and sighed. Bam couldn’t help it but tickle Ville’s chest ruthlessly. The Finn cried out with laughter and it must have cleared his mind because Ville was more concentrated for the rest of the interview.
After their guests had left, Ville had some more work to do with Tim. Bam was amazed by the sound of the new album and Ville’s vocals touched him. Teasing his friend, he claimed that Ville should stay miserable permanently, because he wrote better lyrics when he was feeling blue.
After an hour or so, it soon became clear to Tim that Ville wasn’t able to do more work that day, and Bam dragged him to his little room. Letting Ville fall on the bed, Bam stood and watched his tiny frame.
“I miss you,” Bam whispered. Ville murmured something unintelligible and reached out his arm as he cleared his voice.
“But I’m right here. Sit with me, Brandon. Please?” Ville slurred, sounding exhausted.
Bam sat down and swallowed. “Want something to eat?” he asked.
“Nah. Just a beer,” Ville declined even though he knew he should have said yes.
Bam nodded but didn’t move. He was drunk, too. He lay down behind Ville and spooned his thin body. Ville bent his knees and pushed his ass towards Bam’s crotch. He took Bam’s arm and brought it around to his chest. Hugging his hand, Bam gave what he had to soothe Ville in his drunken gloom. Bam refused to go back down memory lane. Back to when Ville was so vibrant, so hot, and so full of passion. Bam would get a hard on because of this guy, and he wasn’t ashamed to admit to himself that a man could do that to him. This was Ville fucking Valo! His idol – his… everything. At times, Ville had meant more to Bam than his own girlfriends and wife during these seven years of friendship and that was something.
“Bam?” Ville whispered. He felt Bam’s steady chest rise and fall against his back. He felt Bam’s lips kiss and nuzzle the little Heartagram tattoo on the back of his neck, and he sighed as pleasant tremors prickled up and down his spine. “Bam,” he whispered again, but it was a different sound and he felt Bam’s warm body press closer. Ville’s brain was so slow. Normally, he was a sharp thinker, but lately... Ville sighed again at how disastrous everything had become. Craning his head towards Bam, the American gave him great comfort. Shortly after, Bam’s lips were on top of his and surprised, Ville stopped thinking at all. They’d kissed many times. Platonic kisses, flirty kisses, but never wasted kisses like that one. It rapidly grew into a sexual kiss, a kiss that inevitably led to a passionate kiss.
Bam groaned when he felt Ville respond to the kiss with his tongue and certainly with his body language, too. When Ville turned to his back, Bam followed the motion and had the skinny man under him. Bam’s hands cupped Ville’s face and he kept staring at the sensual, kiss-swollen lips.
“Bam...?” Ville asked; his green eyes unfocused as Bam ran a thumb across his lower lip. Ville shivered in his hands and without another word, Bam brought a hand down to open his pants and seconds later, he used his cock to draw across Ville’s lip.
Ville turned his head away. The musky scent reaching his nostrils was disturbingly familiar, but not one he wanted to be in contact with right now. Bam’s strong hand turned his face back to the first position and Ville felt Bam shoving his cock into his mouth. Ville tried to use his tongue to push it out again but he was too drunk and weak, and his brain just didn’t care anymore. Bam lifted his head to get a better angle, driving in and out of Ville’s mouth in a slow tempo. As his excitement grew, Bam grew in length and girth. Ville’s hands clutched at Bam’s hands, holding him in a tight grip, and when precome leaked freely, Ville found he really didn’t like the taste of it. Giving up, the Finn’s hands dropped to his chest and, closing his eyes, he just let it all happen.
Bam saw Ville’s eyes close and his neck relaxed. His friend was out cold. Bam frowned. Why did Ville pass out now when they were about to have fun? The excitement went away after a few more seconds of fucking Ville’s lax mouth when Bam realised he was close to raping his best friend. Immediately, Bam’s arousal faded in horror. Running a hand down Ville’s body, Bam checked just to make sure Ville had been consensual in this, but when Bam found no trace of an erection between the Finn’s legs, he became worried. Then he remembered that Ville couldn’t really get sexually aroused anymore even if he had wanted to. The many years of drinking heavily had unfortunately an impotent effect on the singer, so maybe Bam hadn’t crossed any boundaries too badly.
“Shit...” Bam mumbled and gently cupped Ville’s limp cock. Squeezing and rubbing him more fondly, Bam saw that Ville wasn’t going to wake up anytime soon. Unzipping Ville’s fly, the skater had a look inside his jeans and, like a nosy child, he pulled out Ville’s cock. Bam swallowed at the sight of it. “Wait...” Bam remembered he wasn’t supposed to do anything, but he was still fairly drunk, still fairly happy and bending, he stuck out his tongue as he pulled back the pink foreskin of Ville’s penis and sampled the taste inside the slit. Liking it a little more than he should, Bam licked some more around the cock head and the fat vein underneath. Never had he been this close to someone else’s cock and it shocked him how much the want to play with Ville’s sex aroused him. Bam continued to salivate the Finn’s privates like a lollipop until the voice of reason once more reminded him that his friend wasn’t participating in this. Bam shuddered and reluctantly zipped up the unconscious singer as well as himself. Running the backside of his fingers lovingly along Ville’s cheekbone, Bam leaned down and kissed his sleeping mouth softly before he got off the bed and went to the door. Shutting the light off, he cast one last glance at Ville deeply asleep before closing the door and going into the foyer.
On his way to the foyer, Bam met Tim and greeted him, “Hey, man.”
“Ville’s asleep?” Tim asked.
“Yeah – Knocked out cold.”
Tim scratched the back of his neck. “It’s not good for him. You know that, right?”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m not even sure he can finish the album, Bam.”
“Why?”
Tim looked worried and sad before he quietly told him his opinion, “Ville doesn’t really want to live. I would have thought he had told you.”
“What?” Bam stared incredulously at Tim. He was ready to go back to Ville’s room and ask for an explanation. He had to be gentle with the man.
“Just let him sleep.” Tim smiled. “It’s not a death wish but more like a state of how things are. When you’re mentally exhausted, you lose interest in life. It’s devastating for a poet like Ville. And for us... his friends.”
“But what if he does something stupid?” Bam was deeply worried now and thoroughly ashamed that he’d taken advantage of Ville and not even noticed that his life was hanging by a thread.
“He won’t.” Tim nodded. “Seppo has arranged for him to go into rehab in a few days. It’s good. Ville is so eager to please everybody so he’s going voluntarily,” Tim said, hoping to make Bam happier. “I hope we’ll finish the rest of the vocals afterwards.”
Again, Bam was caught by shock. “Rehab? Are you fucking serious? Why? What… I mean. Does Ville want this?”
“Oh, very much so. If he doesn’t... Seppo doesn’t think he’ll survive.”
“Fuck, man! He didn’t say he was going into rehab to me. You sure?” Bam asked even though Tim had already answered that question.
“Bam, go home. Get some sleep. He’ll be all right, okay?” Tim quickly patted Bam on the back. This was obviously too much information for the skater to contain. Everybody knew how much Margera idolized Ville Valo. It had even been a shock for Tim how depressed the singer was right now, and he’d cried in distress telling Tim how he couldn’t say no to all the people wanting a piece of him; the more meetings he agreed to do, the more pressure was put on his fragile shoulders. He liked Ville very much, too, and the thought of not being able to work with him again would have been very sad for the Brit. The world would lose something beautiful and irreplaceable should Ville die before his time.
Bam picked up his cell phone and dialled Ville’s manager Seppo. In very short sentences, Seppo confirmed Tim’s words: Ville was dying. He was so physically deteriorated that he didn’t have much long to live if he didn’t stop poisoning himself but, checking into rehab, he’d stand a fairly chance to get back on track, to force him to get some rest, sleep, and step down from the pressure he kept putting on his shoulders. It was literally a question of time before he would end up in the ER with a heart failure. After that telephone call, Bam didn’t know whether to cry or rejoice. He would sit back, still being an alcoholic. Ville would be on the wagon. Going outside, Bam sat on the stone steps and couldn’t even be happy for Ville because he would feel left out of the experience.
Chapter Text
Ville awoke early in the morning. Stretching his long body, he buried his face in his armpit. Lying still for a while, he then turned slightly to his side, not willing to wake up just yet. Birds were chirping cheerfully in the garden. The sound matched his odd dream somehow, to a certain degree, before they disturbed too much and he really awoke. Opening his eyes, Ville looked at the window. Scratching his arm, he rolled to his back and stared at the ceiling. Memory kicked in. Today he was going to HIM’s rehearsal basement and help out Manna and Linde on her first CD. She had written a beautiful song and Ville helped her with the lyrics a few nights ago and instantly, they knew they had a duet in their hands. He just needed to go down and record it with her today.
Sitting up, Ville found his cigarettes next to him and lit up. Inhaling a few times, he looked dully in front of him before he occasionally coughed. He was looking forward to recording with his friends. He’d lain low for a while, not doing anything but relaxing and reading books at home, and getting back into making music was nice.
All in all, this would be a terrific week for Ville. Bam happened to be coming over in a few days and that meant carrying on a lot of antics with him to shake Ville out of his quiet life of sobriety. He did not mind but he sure didn’t mind living a quiet life either. While he’d been a 24/7 drunk, Ville wasn’t really living his life. He had no idea what he wanted or how he’d felt about certain things. Only when he sat down to work on lyrics, he took the drunkenness down a few notches, but other than that… the last ten years of heavy partying had left periods of too many blanks in his memory.
These few months he’d been without alcohol, Ville had become keenly aware of everything that happened in his life. Not all of it was pretty but he appreciated the feeling of being in control on a conscious level. That was fairly normal to everybody else, but to Ville it was a revelation. New discoveries happened to him every day, and one of those was that he realised that Bam was in love with him. In spite of the intimate boundaries they’d crossed all these years, it hadn’t struck him once that Bam actually put feelings into the harmless flirts, gropes, and drunken kisses. Bam was a terrific actor to have been able to conceal that from Ville, but taking into consideration that Ville usually wasn't sober around Bam back then, it probably wasn’t that hard of a job for the skater. Ville wasn’t going to confront Bam about this. The fact that Ville didn’t drink any more, and wasn’t the one to initiate that kind of fun, had more or less stopped the two friends from behaving like that any longer.
Thinking back, Ville remembered the last time Bam had initiated loving approaches.
It was a few weeks after Ville had returned from rehab. They hadn’t seen each other since the Huck shoot and Ville missed his friend very much. Bam had invited Ville to his house, wanting to re-bond and hear how he’d coped with his stay at ‘Promises’ - the rehabilitation facility in Malibu that Seppo had Ville admitted to for his addiction treatment. The cost had been 49,000 fucking dollars. Ville didn’t have that kind of money in his own bank account so he hoped his company could pay for it. However, so far, he wasn’t going to worry about that. Seppo would probably handle it for him.
It had taken Ville two weeks to detoxify, an extra two weeks included for therapy sessions to provide him tools to handle his new addiction free life. Ville knew that to those who truly believed, these ‘Twelve Steps’ sessions ended in sobbing connections with God. However, being a humble pagan, Ville didn’t really need a God in his life. Nevertheless, he played along – and good-natured, he’d crossed his fingers while he replaced all references to a higher being with Ozzy Osbourne during the higher steps he reached in the designed program. That’s all he needed to fill the void left by the craving. Most of the other ‘inmates’ had been court ordered to attend their treatment. Ville was one of the few who truly had wanted to become clean and most likely the only one who would stay clean - until he didn’t. He hadn’t promised himself anything. He hadn’t sworn he’d never touch alcohol again to prevent putting that pressure on himself. He could do without feeling like a failure if he started drinking again. At least he would be ruthlessly aware of why and what fore, should he want to enjoy a beer again and that in itself would be no one’s fucking business.
Actually, the first thing Ville did when he left ‘Promises’ was to go to a bar. He had refused to be picked up like a kid from preschool. He just strolled down the street in the pretty surroundings until he found a bar on one of the side streets. Sitting there, he ordered a coffee and just sipped it while taking in the atmosphere and scents; testing if it felt different and it did. He honestly didn’t feel the urge to drink alcohol, and the smell of beer left the same peculiar impression. Ville even wondered why the hell he’d poured all that liquid inside his body for so many years if it made no difference. Well... he assumed he would get that answer eventually. However, when he got back with the band on the tour bus, ready to go back to play America live for the Projekt Revolution tour during summer, Ville found that the answer still hadn’t come to him; shrugging, he wondered if it ever would. He was very laid back and took a day at a time. Secretly, he was amused because he found that the band had quieted down, too, and that was a shame. Just because he didn’t drink any more didn’t mean that the band should quit, too. It also made him wonder if he had been the party lion all these years and the others simply weren’t.
No – they had all been partying all right, Ville mused back then when he sat in the cab on his way to Bam’s house. But maybe they grabbed the chance to quit this way. That wasn’t such a bad idea, but it sure made HIM a boring band, Ville smirked to himself. Ville wondered if Bam would behave the same way and start acting sober around him.
Ville grinned happily when he found Bam already waiting by the door as the cab rolled up in front of the Castle. As soon as Ville had stepped out of the vehicle, Bam was busy paying the cabbie and then he dragged Ville and his bag into the house.
“Slow down, sweetheart,” Ville murmured tiredly.
“Just couldn’t wait to see you, Ville,” Bam said, almost short of breath and Ville smiled endearingly at his engaging friend.
“All right. I missed you, too,” Ville concurred as they walked further inside. The house was unusually quiet. “Where is everybody?” Ville asked, wondering what was going on, fearing the worst. “Bam, I’m not in the mood for any of your...” Ville began only to gasp when Bam suddenly dropped his bag and hugged him hard.
Slowly, Ville put his arms around Bam, too. “It’s okay. I’m okay.” Loosening his grasp a little, he felt Bam hold him tighter.
“I was so fucking scared, Ville,” Bam burst out, shocking the Finn slightly from the intensity. “When I realized... you know... you fucking scared me, sweetheart.”
Ville stood helplessly a few seconds. This was NOT Bam, but he had to figure out how to deal with it instantly, and all he could do was hug him back as firmly as possible. A few minutes went by with Bam’s tears soaking Ville’s shirt. Ville watched his dark brown hair and lifted a hand to grace over the springy curls, smelling the alcohol on him as he closed his eyes.
“Where is everybody, Bam?” he asked quietly, when the skater’s breath hitched a little and he seemed calmer.
“Out,” Bam sniffled, trying to collect himself. “I wanted everybody gone.” He extricated himself from Ville’s embrace and looked into his eyes. “I didn’t want them to be here, because I didn’t know how I was gonna react and shit,” Bam said, wiping the tears away with the back of his hand.
Ville swallowed. He could relate to that. It wasn’t as if Bam was embarrassed about making a fool of himself but there are certain things you’re entitled to keep private and untainted.
Bam reached out for Ville again and sighed when the Finn wrapped his long arms around him and hugged him close again. Shutting his eyes, Bam shivered, feeling how warm Ville was and how fucking good he smelled. Nuzzling his face into Ville’s neck, he pressed a kiss against the pulsating vein there. Comfortable being close to Ville, Bam’s kiss became more loving and his tongue slid out to lick and taste Ville’s salty skin.
Ville jolted a little at feeling Bam’s wet tongue and, looking down into his closed eyes, he wondered what was going on with his friend. “I’m sorry, darling,” he whispered. “It was such a fucking close call back then, and I...”
“Don’t apologize, man. You’re here and alive, Willa. That’s all that matters. You were in rehab. You’re alive.”
“Bam...” Ville said, “Why don’t we go upstairs with my bag? I need to lie down an hour or so. You can keep me company, and we can talk, okay? What do you say?”
Nodding, Bam agreed and together they went upstairs to Ville’s usual room. Dropping his bag on the floor, Ville took off his shoes and together they went to the bed and lay down.
Immediately, Bam wrapped his body around Ville and once more, the Finn was taken aback by how physical Bam was behaving. He didn’t recall them being so touchy feely towards each other before he went to rehab. Admittedly, what had been going on between them was a blur and Ville had no clue how to respond to this. Bam’s hand sought skin contact, literally pulling Ville’s shirt out of his waistband and snaking his palm up Ville’s stomach and chest.
Ville froze as Bam’s fingers found a nipple and stroked it a few times before his friend’s head rested against his chest, sighing. Ville’s lips were parted as he looked down at Bam’s mop of curls. He didn’t know what to say and dropped a hand gently to caress Bam’s hair. Bam’s fingers went back to touch Ville’s nipple and he gasped by the intensity of the unwanted sensation and lifted his other hand to take the journey under his shirt himself and remove Bam’s hand. Bam looked up and crawled closer. Ville smiled unsure at the look in Bam’s eyes when suddenly the American kissed him firmly on the lips.
Responding with a jerk, Ville let it happen for a few seconds, but then he turned his face away and grinned, embarrassed. Bam moved even closer and tried to kiss him again, but Ville shook his head. “No, Bam.”
“Ville,” Bam whispered and put his hand on Ville’s cheek. Ville turned his head back and Bam sighed, looking into his amazing green orbs. “You’re beautiful. You know that? The most beautiful person I’ve ever...”
“Bam,” Ville tried to stop that path before Bam got too carried away.
“Ever...” Bam sighed with a little timbre in his voice and tears welled up in his blue eyes.
Ville put his cheek against the top of Bam’s head. Bam got his emotional outburst under control, the two friends looked each other in the eyes, and Bam just shrugged and smiled back with a little self-conscious chuckle.
“So you think I’m beautiful?” Ville joked. It wasn’t the first time Bam had said it, but Ville recalled having just been teasing him about it. Now he realised that his friend meant it seriously when he said it.
“Nah – in fact I think you’re in dire need of plastic surgery. Look at you! You have a little snotty nose, poisonous green eyes, and your hair looks like you found it in a haystack and glued it behind your hideous head. Your teeth are too small and your ears underdeveloped... and your voice...” Bam began, grinning broader at the look in Ville’s eyes.
“Are you insulting me?” Ville asked, smiling at Bam.
“No, no... I’m just stating facts here,” Bam laughed, feeling he was back in the game.
Ville crossed his arms over his chest. “You wanna know what I think?” Ville asked. Bam nodded eagerly. “I think you are insulting me.”
Bam laughed. “Dude, I’m just kidding. About… everything. You know that, right? Right? I can’t believe you fell for it and shit!”
Ville lifted his eyebrows. “Whatever, BamBam,” he whispered.
Bam got off the bed. “Take a nap, Zilla. I’ll wake you up in an hour.” He bent over and gave Ville a brusque hug.
Ville smiled, but as Bam flicked the lights out, he just laid there in the dark. Sleeping was impossible in spite of him being fairly tired.
Later that evening, family and friends had returned to the house, and Ville felt Bam coming back to his old self – at least he thought that was Bam’s old self. Everything was off somehow no matter how hard they tried to act natural around each other. Ville had to refuse another of Bam’s advances later when the skater had consumed more beer than he ought to and Ville realised how natural it came to him. The touches, the kisses, and the tiresome groping. He understood with a shock that Bam might not behave any differently from what he used to. It was Ville himself who behaved more reservedly.
The strange part was that Ville was interested in making out – just not with Bam. Bam was his friend and that made it difficult to look at Bam as a sexual creature he could lust for. Whatever Ville might have initiated or participated in back when he joined Bam in being drunk out of their minds, he had no idea. But he sensed with a passion that, from his point of view, it had all been in the heat of the moment, and wherever his drunkenness had taken him. He liked kissing his friends and Bam might have thought it meant something else. Now Ville wasn't sure how to handle the delicate matter.
Excusing himself around midnight, Ville literally was too tired to follow the general conversation and went to bed. After a few moments of debating whether it was necessary or not, Ville decided to lock his door. Shaking his head a little, he grinned. “Wow...” This had been an interesting day, and he was exhausted. Opening his Sponge Bob bag, he pulled out a bit of medicine and a bottle of water he’d brought with him from the airplane. Swallowing a selection of pills, he slowly sat down on the edge of the bed. Closing his eyes, he waited. When he heard Bam shake the door handle, asking why it was locked, Ville fell backwards on the bed and covered his eyes with his hands. Go away, he wished. When Bam didn’t stop, Ville didn’t want to cause a scene, so he got up and opened the door ajar.
“Hei,” he whispered.
“Why d’you lock it?” Bam asked with a bright smile.
“Was afraid Novak might have a surprise for me later,” Ville improvised quickly.
“Novak is out cold. No chance of him disturbing anybody flashing his ugly prick at people.”
“Aren’t I the lucky one, then?” Ville grinned.
“Can I come in?” Bam asked.
“Are you drunk?” Ville asked back.
“Uhu,” Bam replied with a wicked glint in his eye. “I won’t try anything.”
“Bam... I...” Ville began, but the look in Bam’s eyes was getting at him and he opened the door. Bam got inside and went to sit on the bed. Sighing, Ville followed.
“You wanna sleep?”
“Yeah. It’s been a loooong day, sweetheart,” Ville said, sitting next to him.
“Then sleep. I’ll watch over you,” Bam said.
Ville just nodded. There wasn’t really any way of winning this. As he began undressing, Bam talked about his plans for a new movie. Ville just smiled at him.
“I’m sure it’ll be fantastic.”
“Of course it will. Just so you know, but I want you in it,” Bam said, beaming at his friend.
“I can’t act,” Ville said, stepping out of his pants and underwear.
Bam’s voice halted watching the naked man in front of him, but then he continued as if nothing had happened. “I just want you with the band. Don’t worry about it. It’s a minor part but important.”
“Guess I can handle being me, I suppose,” Ville smiled. He’d been in Bam’s little projects a lot of times. None of them were acting; he was mostly reacting to things happening to others, although there were episodes like that one time in Jackass Number 2, when Missy shaved some of the guys’ pubic hairs, including Ville’s... to glue it on somebody else. However, Bam never let anything happen to Ville or the band – that was taboo. He’d rather make fun of his own family than hurt his precious idols.
Ville got under the covers, loving the feel of how it fit around his weary body. Bam lay down, too, on top of the comforter. Ville’s eyes closed, and he felt sleep approaching fast and merciful. Bam’s fingers sifted through his hair. It was nice and he’d honestly missed the feeling. Bam’s voice spoke softer, dreamlike, and before he knew it, Ville was fast asleep.
His stay at Bam’s castle went smoother after that night. Ville was very sensitive to what Bam did and said, but at no point did he confront Bam’s behaviour. In addition, as Bam stopped his attempts for intimacy, Ville relaxed, and they managed to spend quality time together, talking about the stuff they were supposed to.
Chapter Text
Ville snapped back to the present and stubbed out his cigarette. Getting out of bed, he went to have a quick shower. Linde had asked him to come by around 10, and looking at the old clock on the wall, Ville saw he had about an hour to shower before he needed to get out of the door to make it on foot. It was a good thing that Helsinki was a small town, which made it easy for the Finn to get almost wherever he wanted within a relatively short period of time - it also meant he'd be able to avoid getting a driver’s licence indefinitely.
Getting under the large showerhead, Ville swiftly got soaked. Running his hands down his body, he reached for the soap dispenser standing on the built in porcelain shelf in the wall. It was a nice detail and always made his shower items accessible. Pumping the device, he got a large handful of liquid in his hand. Applying it onto his wet skin, he quickly created a creamy lather as he rubbed the substance over his chest. Sighing, Ville closed his eyes and bent his head backwards to let water run over his face once more. Turning his neck a little, Ville smiled lazily. This felt so nice and he let warm water fill his mouth where after he spewed it out again in an arching stream. Hands reached his thighs. Putting a foot at a time against the tiled wall, he washed the long limbs, his feet including his toes. Sliding his hands up the back of his legs, he took some time to wash his crack and finally, he allowed his hand to stop in front of his sex - the best part of showering. A small chuckle rose in his throat when his dick responded to the expectation. Ville took a deep breath and pumped some more soap from the dispenser. His palms glided through the curly pubic hair before both hands grabbed his cock and balls, using soapy hand over soapy hand to work the lather to his advantage. Feeling the wonderful sensations rush over him, he gasped softly, “Uh...”
Ville’s tongue ran across his lips as he swallowed. It didn’t take long to get hard and smiling broader, Ville began to jack off and soon the familiar, all consuming pleasure of getting closer began to creep up on him, and he moaned freely into the resonant space. “Uuuh, so good,” he cried out. Letting go with one hand, his fingers slid across his wet chest and found peaked nipples to toy with, to enhance his satisfaction when he climaxed hard shortly after. Riding out his orgasm, Ville kept fisting his cock, milking the solid shaft. Suddenly his eyes flew open. “Fucking hell...” he whispered and swallowed. The erotic images that had passed through his mind when he came he couldn’t believe.
He’d missed masturbating so fucking much that he considered it a luxury now he was able to even get an erection again. Before he’d gotten so far out in his annihilated life style that he couldn’t get it up, Ville’d wanked several times a day. It was one of his most enjoyable ‘hobbies’ in the whole world. Having a considerable selection of porn in any available genre, videos, books, treasured old Danish magazines, Ville took pride in his sexuality. And not having that - losing his sexuality due to drinking was one of the things he could not forgive himself.
His favourite type of porn cast would be brunettes. He wasn’t into doggy style either. He preferred to see his partner’s eyes when she came. That was a bit of a sidetrack porn wise because the 'traditional' purpose of porn was not aimed at the female part coming but gleefully watching her make the male part jerk all over her. But Ville knew what he meant. He wasn’t into men fucking girls in the ass. He preferred the conservative version.
Reaching out to cut off the water, Ville stepped out of the shower stall and grabbed a towel. Well, how girls took it hadn’t exactly been the images in his third eye when he came. So his theory had suffered several flaws without him being conscious about it. Ville had to take a closer look at his collection in the attic when he came back home. Where did he even get those fantasies from? He had no interest in sucking off random men and Bam. Ville frowned. That was not very likely to happen any day soon, but nevertheless, he’d had a clear recollection of sucking Bam off when he came just now, and it had turned him on in ways he couldn’t understand. He and Bam had masturbated together. Several times in fact, but that was the only decidedly sexual thing that had happened between them. And it was no big deal - men wank eagerly, but being deeply honest, Ville had never been turned on by wanking with Bam as such. He just liked the pleasure of coming. Still, the idea of having a guy’s cock in his mouth when he got off, appealed to Ville more than he could explain other than... so what? So, he liked to be submissive? He sure wasn’t behind the wheel when he had sex with Jonna... She had always taken the initiative and shown him when and what she wanted. It was close to what he wanted anyway, she was very inventive, and usually in the mood whether Ville had been or not. So sex wasn’t just sex. Ville just never imagined he would also be turned on by the thought of having a guy dominating him in bed...
Ville stopped his random thoughts. His heart was beating fast as he realised he’d gone from finding a cock in his mouth erotic and to being fully dominated in the bed. Bottoming? Closing his eyes, Ville ran his palms over his face. This was getting out of hand. Bam... His thoughts returned to his American friend.
“Fuck...” Ville chuckled a little. It was also cruel now looking in the back mirror, but Ville hadn’t known back then. He couldn’t even be sure how long Bam had felt that way about him. To his surprise, Ville blushed when he realised what a show it must have been for Bam to watch someone he was attracted to pulling out his cock and fucking wank in front of his eyes, with Ville unknowing of the effect it had on the skater.
“Like Christmas and the 4th of July at the same time...” Ville smiled and dropped the wet towel over a chair. He’d learned to put his clothes in a closet now a days. In his younger years, he was a pig and living like one, too. His clothes mostly were spread all over the place and he’d go through them, sniffing for the cleaner ones. That was then and not now.
Dressing in jeans and a simple band t-shirt, Ville gathered his curly hair in a little bun. Checking his bag for his inhaler and medicine, and a couple of books, he took off. He was intrigued beyond words over his sudden sexual discovery and he vaguely remembered he had some gay porn in his collection but wasn’t sure. Some of his early porn stuff was stolen by a crack head breaking into his place, back when he was living with Susanna, but thanks to his dad’s connections, he’d gotten most of it restored. He hoped he still had some of those homoerotic films in his collection. He’d used them to get to know more about his own body other than just as wanking material. He wondered what he’d think about them now, feeling how he did about all this.
Soon Ville was on his way, walking on foot. There was a bakery shop close by the band’s practice studio, and he bought a few things in a box to go. Once he arrived at the building, Ville went down the narrow green hall way and found the door to the rehearsal room. As he grabbed the handle, he heard the toilet flush from the adjoining bathroom but he didn’t exactly wait to see who would come out. Opening the door to the rehearsal room, Ville peeked inside and was greeted with music and the casual talk of the people gathered there.
HIM’s humble facilities were very, very personally decorated. Years of being occupied by a reckless five some showed its signs. Posters, glass encased golden discs of their various albums, glitzy streamers, plaques, slogans, and framed pictures of people dear to them covered the walls with an occasional bra stapled to the ceiling. Stained throw carpets lay on the cemented floor and instruments were set up where ever there was any space for it. In the corner, a sofa and small coffee table filled with cups stood; bottles and full ashtrays fought for a bit of legroom, too. Ville smiled genuinely. He loved this place like a second home.
Coughing a little, he stepped inside and closed the door quietly. Manna was waving happily at him and he smiled back. She was such a pretty lady and Linde was so lucky to have met her. He actually stopped drinking way before Ville did, when their child was born. Ville wondered if he had been able to do the same had he been in Linde’s shoes. He had no idea and obviously wouldn’t be able to tell now.
“Morning, guys,” Ville said with a smile. “You didn’t tell me you were all rehearsing!” he said to Linde when he noticed other people collaborating on Manna’s record present. As far as Ville knew, it had been several by now. “Don’t want to interrupt anything,” Ville quickly apologised.
“You’re not,” Manna said and approached to give him a hug.
Linde went to Ville and gave him a longer one. “How are you?” the even thinner man asked.
Ville held him an extra few seconds before they both let go. Ville grabbed one of Linde’s long blond dreads and chuckled delightedly when his friend yelped in surprise as he retreated. Yanking Linde's dreads never got old. Letting go of the hair, Ville stuck his palms in his pants pockets and nodded to the other people.
He knew most of them but especially drummer Antti Lehtinen. Ville had known Antti since before HIM. They had played together in the teen band Donits Osmo Experience when Ville was barely fifteen, and that had been extremely fun. Ville had been allowed to play a mean funky bass in those days, and just because that project never became more than a demo tape, he and Antti had stayed friends. Joel Melasniemi had played guitar, and his sister Vilma delivered the vocals to energetic songs such as ‘Killfuck’. It was actually Joel and Vilma’s brother Antto who had been HIM’s first keyboard player, but he had quickly turned out to be a miscalculated decision, and he quit HIM after their first record. Stopping his musings down memory lane, Ville nodded at Antti who grinned back at him. Ville then stepped to the side as the door opened.
In came Lauri Porra. Ville smiled and the acclaimed bass player smiled back. They shook hands, and Ville felt himself a bit in awe. Lauri was a wonder child and kind of a multi instrumentalist involved in extremely many projects, because his interests were so multi facetted. Ville had only met Lauri a few times at festivals where the brunette played with various bands such as Stratovarius and Emma Salokoski Ensemble. Lauri’s skills on a bass guitar were far beyond what Ville could hope to achieve and he wasn’t even that bad a bass player himself in spite of Ville having played more years, but that never equalled that he was better.
Lauri wasn’t supposed to be playing for the track ‘Just For Tonight’ that Ville had come to sing, but Manna and the guys were going to record one of the few Lauri did participate in later. Ville took off his jacket and his eyes slid to Lauri’s face, noticing the calmness that exuded the guy. He was blending in quite nicely with this bunch of quiet personalities.
Ville found a spot on the couch, took out a bagel from his box, and broke it into smaller pieces that he stuffed in his mouth. Chewing thoughtfully, he followed the progress of the recordings from his corner. Often, he found his eyes slip to Lauri, acknowledging the fact that he was an attractive man. Without even thinking about it, Ville slipped into his ongoing musings concerning his sexuality. He was aware he was checking out Lauri. He’d noted that the bassist’s ass looked kinda hot; he carried to the right – yeah so what? Ville had even paid attention to the position of Lauri’s innocent cock. Absentmindedly, Ville chewed his food, imagining running his hand through Lauri’s long pretty curls. This was getting pathetic and Ville looked somewhere else. Had he always checked out guys? He wasn’t consciously doing it, but he must be doing it on a regular basis because he even knew which side Bam carried. His world was full of beautiful people. Even in his own band, the members were rather attractive, and had always consisted of good looking men - Ville knew he enjoyed looking at them and receiving an occasional kiss. Thinking even harder, Ville couldn’t let the subject go and wondered if he checked out just as many guys as he did girls, and he had no idea. Discreetly looking around at the men gathered in the room, he compared them with Manna. Linde’s girlfriend was classically beautiful like a model and Ville wasn’t a saint, of course, he’d often imagined what sex would be like with her. What sex between Linde and Manna would look like and it had turned him on, imagining he was watching his band mate having sex. However, the question was which part of it was turning him on? Linde? Or Manna? Or just the porn effect of his fantasy? Ville rubbed his hands over his face to rid himself of the endless speculations that wouldn’t leave him be.
Just finish this task and you can go home, and indulge in exploring the whole goddamn thing later, he admonished himself. His eyes finally lingered on Lauri as he ended his tour scrutinising the people gathered for their individual attractiveness. Most of them had scored high in Ville’s private tally system and it made him wonder once more. Was there a reason he had problems staying in relationships with girls? He seriously saw the beauty and attraction in all the men assembled in the rehearsal room. After the tempestuous relationship he’d had with Jonna, seasoned with physical abuse, he really didn’t need another demanding girlfriend to mess up his life and try to change him. In addition, Ville wasn’t looking for a boyfriend either. Facing his own demons was enough now, as he tried to get comfortable in his new skin. After the equally messy misunderstanding with Bam lately, Ville had confusion enough in his life, thinking about what happened this morning in the shower.
Abruptly, Ville went to the fridge to fetch a bottle of water. The feelings warming up his body by looking at the men - especially Lauri - began to bother him; lust always happened when you least expected it, and he wasn’t fucking expecting it now. Trying to calm down wasn’t an option, and Ville felt a little lost being out of his element. Just another harsh reality he had to face now he was sober. Back in the day, he could just goof around and everybody would know he was just drunk and happy. Having had his share of kissing lots of friends and especially male music colleagues, Ville was embarrassed by the double standard of his behaviour.
Just like Bam had been touchy feely, Ville knew he had been too, and god he needed some kind of guidance on how to get through this nightmare right now. Was he transparent? Did everybody know how he behaved? I wasn’t alone. They behaved like that, too... a confidential inner voice told him, and Ville felt his shoulders relax a little. Yes. He hadn’t been the only one touching lips. Juska, Pätkä, Jussi69, and the rest of them, they all kissed back. It was no big deal, either. It happened constantly on stage and was part of a show and sometimes it was taken back stage, too. Ville had seen more than fans could even dream of, and at least he’d never crossed that line...
“There’s coffee on the pot, Ville,” Linde said, interrupting Ville’s thoughts of turmoil.
“Oh! Thanks!” Ville said and smiled warmly at his guitarist. Nevertheless, he broke the lid of the water bottle and took a long sip.
“Are you ready?” Manna asked Ville as she came to stand next to him. Ville nodded and put on a charming smile for her. He smoothed a hand over his hair and found an ever present cork screw curl having escaped the rubber band keeping his hair gathered. Letting the lock slip behind his ear, he glanced at Lauri and found the bassist looking back at him. Lauri grinned and Ville smiled back, feeling almost electrocuted by how much that smile affected his body, and hating how he blushed. He was thirty years old and still blushing like he did when he was a kid.
Getting behind the microphone with Manna, the music soon filled the air, and its haunting notes grabbed the both of them to set the mood right away. Ville loved this song, and that he was still able to write was a comforting feeling. He’d feared he’d become completely empty after rehab; he usually felt drained after the whole two year process of writing, demos, recording, release of the CD and so on, basically falling into depression for a while, but it hadn’t happened this time. In a sense, he was waiting for it to happen, but as the days turned to weeks, he felt in a rather good mood so most likely, he wouldn’t become depressed by letting his baby go once it was released.
It was apparent to everybody, including Ville, how much better his voice sounded. The alcohol had made it darker and hoarser. Ville had honestly thought it was the insane amount of cigarettes he’d been smoking - five packs a day... but he still smoked – definitely not as many, but his voice had benefited from his abstinence. They only had to record the song twice for it to be perfect.
Ville had almost forgotten that Lauri was still in the room, when the bassist came up to him.
“Good job both of you. I really like this song,” Lauri said.
Ville nodded. “Thanks...” he said and, smiling, he stepped away from the mike. Patting his pocket, he found his cigarettes and decided to step outside to smoke. Normally, everybody in the band smoked like chimneys in the rehearsal room when it was just the five of them, but Ville didn’t want to smoke around Manna and no one else seemed to smoke inside either.
To his surprise, Lauri came out, too, and together they stood in silence for a while, smoking their cigarettes.
“Are you gonna stick around for later?” Lauri asked, catching Ville by surprise.
All kinds of thoughts went through his head at that moment, and all of them heavily laden with sex and expectations. Killing each and every one of them, Ville replied, “What do you mean?”
Lauri leaned against the green wall and slowly took a drag from his cigarette before dropping the butt and crushing it with his shoe. The curtain of his long curly hair spilled over his shoulder as he tilted his head to look at Ville. “I mean that after we’ve recorded my bass to one of Manna’s other songs, some of us will go to a pub for a bite and what else. Are you sticking around or...?”
The insinuations were there but again, were they? If Lauri was oblivious to the chemistry Ville felt so keenly, it would mean nothing. Just colleagues going out, but Ville's adventure seeking cock wanted to see how far this would go.
“Yeah, I’ll stay. Have nothing better to do anyway,” he joked.
Lauri smiled, and his green eyes were full of mirth. Ville swallowed, hoping he wasn’t the only one putting something into this that didn't exist. The last thing he needed was embarrassing himself, assuming Lauri was coming on to him.
Back inside, Ville returned to the sofa and pulled out a book. He listened with half an ear on the conversation and random bits of music replayed from earlier recordings. He didn't get seriously engrossed in his book, as he was randomly interrupted by people talking to him, or when he was drawn to a topic he wanted to join in on. Eventually, the track 'I Gave In' Lauri came to play was recorded. Ville watched as the passionate bassist did his job with Antti and Linde. They sounded very good. The harmonies were beautiful and when Manna afterwards put her vocals on, Ville knew this would be his favourite track from her album.
Chapter Text
Almost right after, people broke up. The Lindströms left right away to go home to their kid, and Ville tagged along with Antti and Lauri. When it came down to it, no other joined them but left for other engagements. Going to a bar near by that Ville had frequented more times than he cared to count, they found a table in the patio.
Picking out their cigarettes, they all lit up and a waitress came to take their orders. She knew Ville and they smiled at each other. Ville wanted a bottle of water, a coffee, and sandwich. Lauri and Antti had beer and sandwiches.
"Weren't you a bass player, Ville?" Lauri suddenly asked. Antti snorted and took a long drag. Ville eyed the big guy a few seconds.
"You're not funny, Antti," Ville said quietly.
"Well you were!" Antti laughed.
Lauri smiled. "Did I hit a nerve somewhere?"
"No, not at all," Ville said and flicked the ashes in the ashtray. "You could say I was a different kind of bass player with lots of potential and enthusiasm."
"You were great, but Mige was better," Antti laughed.
"Thanks! Perse!" Ville mock saluted with a raised middle finger.
Their beverages arrived shortly after and Ville took a careful sip of coffee. Antti smirked as he toasted Ville's harmless beverage. He didn't laugh at Ville's sobriety but he did find it funny that Ville wasn't even tempted to drink beer anymore. He remembered his friend at fifteen years old when they were engrossed in Donits Osmo Experience. Ville was just starting to like the taste of beer and, once he'd decided he liked it, he didn't waste time and drank so much of it at parties that Antti usually found him completely plastered after just a few units. Back then, Ville had been a shy teen. He'd been what girls referred to as a 'cute' looking kid, a bit on the pudgy side with dreadlocks all over the place and in all directions. Compared to the transformation Valo had gone through throughout the years to his present look and the variety of music he embraced now, it often amazed Antti that he was looking at the same guy he knew before. Ville had been a big fan of reggae music - hence the dreadlocks. He still loved and treasured his rare Caribbean collection, but had spanned his musical interests considerably since then.
Lauri sat watching Antti looking decidedly at Ville and eventually, Ville stuck his face into Antti's and mock kissed the man, making the drummer squeak loud and girly. Ville cracked up laughing.
"What the fuck, Antti? Were you seconds from proposing or something?"
Antti laughed back. "No - just remembered you with dreadlocks and the horrific image got stuck. I'm traumatised for eternity."
"Dreadlocks?" Lauri asked, smiling widely.
"Yeah - that was back in the day, Lauri."
"I never had dreads."
"Well, they're easy to make and easy to get rid of, too, if you don't tend them," Ville explained, sending Antti a look, silently asking him to drop the subject.
"I just can't picture you with dreadlocks." Lauri still smiled.
Okay, in spite of the subject, Ville enjoyed having Lauri's attention more than Antti's. Lauri was cherubically beautiful… a bit like Bam who oozed innocence - in all the bad ways possible. Lauri looked innocent like that as well, and Ville was dying to know if there was the same impishness behind that little smile. Ville frowned at his sexually dehydrated brain. Obviously, there was no way of ending the porny crap his mind couldn't stop making up; he so needed getting laid. Ville looked at his coffee cup and, catching the waitress' eyes, he signalled he'd like it filled.
"Actually, I have to go now," Antti said, getting up.
"Orw now?" Ville asked, unhappily. He was having a good time.
"Yeah. We have a dinner appointment in an hour, and I'm sure Lena will be royally pissed if I show up late on top of a full stomach. I'm lucky if I even manage to get a shower in time."
"Aren't you the naughty one then?" Ville said, leaned back in his seat, and waved his hand at the waitress. He might not need the refill after all. Looking disappointed at Lauri, he assumed that would be the bassist's cue to leave, too.
"See you later," was all Lauri said, and calmly took a swig at his beer. Antti shook Ville's hand as well as Lauri's before he put a few Euro bills on the table to cover his tab.
"Are you going, too?" Ville asked.
Lauri had pulled out his phone and quickly began to check for messages. A few moments later, the bassist shook his head.
"No. Not particularly. Are you?" Lauri's eyes smiled warmly, the glint in his eyes cheerful, and Ville felt how warmth pooled in his groin. "Wanna go somewhere?" Lauri then asked. "Our little party seems to have deflated."
Ville looked around. Yeah, why not? "Sure. Let's go."
It was a beautiful evening. The light was still gracious at this time of the day and, not having a particular purpose, they walked around until Ville found them walking towards his neighbourhood. The twilight was lurking by now.
"Wouldn't you like to go back to playing bass?"
"I do occasionally. I never stopped playing, but Antti's right. Mige is better than me." A comfortable silence fell over them, where after Ville asked, "I know you play a lot of instruments... what exactly do you play?"
Lauri smiled at him. "Well, bass obviously, but I also played cello for many years. Guitar, piano…"
"Cello?" Ville raised both eyebrows. Immediately, an image emerged in his mind of a naked Lauri passionately playing that cello between spread thighs... coughing, he ran his fingers through his hair.
"Yes. I studied the cello. I was a member of a male choir...”
"Lauri, Lauri. Stop!" Ville laughed. "You're full of more surprises than I can handle," he mock complained.
Grinning, Lauri said, "Imagine me in a jacket with the embroidery of the ensemble, my hair neatly combed to the side, and steam pressed folds in my pants. I looked like a mix of Angus Young and a little school boy."
"I can't really imagine that. Sorry, Lauri," Ville giggled delightedly. "Throw in a pair of tight leather pants and an unbuttoned shirt and I'm all yours."
"I'll remember that," Lauri responded with a strange look in his eyes, and Ville quickly had to look away.
"Oh, let's walk down Sonantie, shall we?" Lauri suggested.
"By all means," Ville said. It was his road, and eventually they would have to end the evening.
"There's this old tower after the park over there. You can almost see it over the treetops. Living here in Helsinki, you probably know it? It's supposed to be haunted."
Ville almost stopped breathing. Lauri was talking about his tower. "Yes. That's how the story goes," he said, intrigued to where this would lead them.
"I love spooky things, apparitions, ghosts, poltergeists... I've read a lot about the differences of the kinds that in my opinion exist and I'm open to meet one, but it's never happened. I'm sure meeting one would mostly be exciting this time of night. The moon is just perfect and no over cast. We're going in that direction anyway. You game, Ville?" he challenged.
Ville realized how adventurous Lauri apparently was. "Absolutely! Let's check it out, Lauri. Lead on!"
Lauri's eyes shone eagerly. "Okay... but as soon as the people living there discovers us - we're out," he negotiated.
"But it's only ghosts, Lauri. You said so. I wouldn't mind scaring a couple of ghosts. They're probably terribly bored. Who knows how old those kinky bastards are anyway?" Ville smirked.
Lauri grinned. "Right. You're right." However, he didn't sound as convincing as when he proposed their little game, layman expert or not.
A few minutes later, they reached the tower. Ville slowed down and stopped in front of the small path through the lawn leading to the front door.
"We should try and break in. That would be deliciously spooky."
"And dangerous," Lauri added, excitement making his voice lighter than normal. Then he turned his head and looked at Ville, only now registering what Ville had actually said. "Seriously? Would you break into the house? Trespassing and all that?"
Ville nodded. "Yes."
"We could risk getting arrested."
"That we could, but we're drunk and perhaps we'll just get away with good behaviour."
Lauri smiled. Ville wasn't drunk - neither was he. Nervously, he began walking up the path to the gloomy old tower all covered in rustling vines and ivy.
"Do you do this often?" Ville asked quietly next to him.
Lauri shook his head. "No. Never did this. Not even as a kid." Looking intensely at the building, he whispered, "Is there even a door? Maybe it's a secret entrance?"
Having a terrific time, Ville snickered. "I snuck in places all the time with Mige and Linde. We were bad kids…" Pointing, he continued, "I think the front door is right in front of us, Lauri." His name wasn't on the door, but on the antique mailbox positioned next to the brick wall; Lauri didn't pay attention to those details.
Lauri laughed spontaneously, but smacked his own mouth, fearing he was too loud.
"Why don't we walk around the tower either way and meet here to report?" Ville asked. Lauri nodded and they parted. Hurriedly, Ville got his key out of his bag, unlocked the door, and then he went the other way. Half ways he met Lauri. "Anything to report yet, sir?" he asked, saluting his friend.
Lauri shook his head with another laugh that he nervously suppressed, but his eyes shone with glee. They passed each other to continue the direction they had initiated. Meeting back in front of the Gothic house, Lauri shook a little.
"Well," he began, but Ville interrupted him.
"Let's try and break in."
"Ville, maybe this...”
Ville put a finger to the bassist's lips and slowly he stepped nearer the door. "In for a penny, in for a pound…"
Lauri's sense of adventure rose forcefully and nervously he grabbed Ville's shoulder. "No... we can't break in." But it was obvious he was dying to see this through and perhaps meet those infamous ghosts.
Ville pressed the old ornate door handle. "If it's not locked... technically, we're not breaking in."
"Shit…" Lauri whispered, close to throwing up from too much excitement.
Ville loved every second of it. He had a fucking hard erection from this and man, he enjoyed this a little too much. "Wonder if there are any lights around the place," he murmured in Lauri's ear.
The shorter man jerked near a heart attack. "Fuck! You can't turn on the lights! It's obvious someone is actually living here. It's insane the door wasn't locked!" he whispered agitatedly in glee.
Ville agreed. "Yes. People can just walk in. There should have been an alarm installed, too." Mentally he decided to get an alarm of a kind. This practice wasn't actually bad and he might learn something from this 'break in'.
"Maybe it's a silent alarm?" Lauri suggested.
They looked at each other for a few seconds. Then Ville shook his head. "Not with an unlocked front door. Maybe it's an old ghost? They don't consider such modern things. It's probably not as if they can be hurt. The trespasser just -- walks right through them, right?"
Lauri smiled. "Maybe we've already done that." He shivered a little.
Ville had reached the staircase. Grabbing the handle, he smiled gently at Lauri. "Coming?"
Lauri stood shaking a few moments and then he nodded. "Okay… but if it creaks, I'm not moving any further."
"The ghosts probably just like it. Music to fit the old dusty bones."
"Uh... a rattling skeleton…"
"Or a starched sheet over his head," Ville giggled lowly. "Take my hand. We'll plunge right into this together."
As Lauri took Ville's large hand, he wondered why he wholeheartedly wasn't terrified of doing this. Ville seemed completely at ease - as if he truly believed there were ghosts and not real inhabitants in the tower. However, after climbing to the first floor, he could tell it was just a harmless living room area. Peeking nosily around though, he realized that this place belonged to an artist with high intellects. Many books adorned the wall-to-wall bookcases; books in Finnish as well as English on every kind of topic. New books, older, and especially very old books, bordering on antique. The thing was with Finnish literature - you didn't have to go very far back in time for Finnish books to be antique. Their printed language was very young - no more than 300 years old, as it had been suppressed by German, Swedish, and Latin. It wasn't until a monk took the initiative to write down biblical texts in Finnish - even inventing a considerable amount of the Finnish vocabulary existing today to even be able to produce his work - that the Finnish written language had become a reality. So the process had taken a long while before books became mainstream and accessible to non scholar Finns.
The owner of the tower didn't possess many old books because they were hard to find and outrageously expensive but, as Lauri's eyes skimmed the many book titles fighting for a spot on the shelves, he did detect a few. All in all, whoever lived here surely had to be a connoisseur, savouring the written language. Lauri felt he really liked that person. "Do you think this place has been deserted for ages?" he asked.
"Well, it looks like people were living here recently. Wonder why they left," Ville responded, holding Lauri's hand firmer. The bassist didn't seem to notice and Ville adored their little moment in these familiar surroundings. "Shall we try another floor?" he whispered, seeking Lauri's gaze. Their eyes met and Lauri seemed struck for some reason. "What?" Ville asked. Lauri didn't answer but stepped closer and let go of his hand. Lauri slid his arms around Ville's waist and they looked at each other for a few seconds before Ville put his hands on Lauri's shoulders. Bending his neck slightly to accommodate the height difference, Ville hovered his lips over Lauri's as the bassist tilted his face towards the singer's. As warm lips met warm lips, Ville felt a surge of all kinds of good feelings run through his body. Moaning spontaneously, he heard Lauri do the same and they sought closer together in the embrace as Ville's hands slid all the way around Lauri's upper body. One of his hands found their way to cup the back of Lauri's curly head.
Lauri moaned quietly, too. Standing in this atmospheric place, kissing the singer of HIM was very much surreal and a turn on. Ville added pressure and willingly Lauri parted his lips to let Ville's tongue slip inside his mouth. When the taller man did so, another moan escaped Lauri's throat and only the sounds of hot, wet kisses and his hysteric heartbeat filled his ears.
Simultaneously, they both heard a squeaking sound from upstairs. Like a shotgun, they parted lips but not the embrace. They even held harder on to each other as the shock settled, where after it slowly oozed out of their tense bodies again. There was no talking or the likes... just an indefinable sound that had to be investigated according to Ville. Lauri didn't agree.
"Maybe we should take that as our cue to leave while we're still good?" But just one look at Ville's excited eyes told him that was not going to happen.
"No! We should advance to the next floor and continue our quest to find the mysterious ghost...”
"Seriously, Ville...” Lauri said, not finding it that thrilling anymore in the good way.
"We won't get caught. I won't let them," Ville said firmly and pressed his lips to Lauri's hair. "You're safe with me."
Lauri could feel his body object to proceed further up the stairs when Ville tugged at his hand.
"C'mon, Lauri!" Lauri stalled but eventually he went along to continue further up. In that instant, there was a weird hollow sound coming from the top of the winding staircase that had even Ville stop. "Fuck...” he whispered.
"The ghost?" Lauri whispered back.
"Could be draft from the attic?"
"Is there an attic?" Lauri asked.
"If I were a ghost, I'd live in the attic and dress up in the old stuff forgotten up there. Of course, there must be an attic in a tower!" Ville said and turned to watch Lauri's pale face. Smiling, he kissed him again. The younger man responded for a few moments rather passionately.
Walking further up, Lauri realised this was the private section. A huge master bedroom dominated the floor. On the other side of the landing, two small bedrooms were positioned side by side. "Guest rooms?" Lauri suggested, as he carefully pushed one of the doors open.
"Yeah," Ville said. The guest room that Lauri had opened, he'd actually already prepared for Bam's arrival.
The moon shone through the windows and the tastefulness of the interior came out, making Lauri comment, "I wish I lived here. It's seems so untouched by time."
Ville loved him for those words. He had done his best to mix new with old once he got the energy and interest of the place after rehab. Keeping the mystery of the tower intact had also been important to him. "I'm glad you like it. So do I," he said with a smile and another kiss to Lauri's curly head.
Lauri didn't catch the phrasing stating Ville's ownership of the place and he turned. "I have to see the master bedroom, Ville!"
Ville nodded and licked his lower lip. "Perhaps... we should wait with that particular one until after we return from the attic?"
"Don't want the tour to end," Lauri suddenly said. Then he shrugged. "What am I saying? We have to leave eventually!"
Ville had noticed that the bassist had forgotten to speak quietly. The place had made him comfortable in spite of their quest. "Depends on how the tour ends... I want to see the attic right away." Lighting a cigarette, he lead the way and threaded his fingers with Lauri's. He skipped the next floor purposefully, because many of his instruments were gathered there at the moment. He feared they would give him away without effort, and that would be too soon. Also, there were several hints of HIM and Heartagrams there in the form of merchandise, record sales, and awards junk he didn't care to see on his walls in the living room.
To get to the attic, Ville actually had to push open a hatch. It wasn't so heavy that one man couldn't do it, but he enjoyed when Lauri let go to give him a hand with the task after he let out a strained sound.
Lauri laughed when the hatch effortlessly flew up and smacked on the attic floor with a loud sound, stirring up dust and pigeons Ville didn't know lived there. He wasn't up there that often.
"Hush, man!" Lauri said, but Ville just smiled and kissed him soundly.
"Those infamous ghosts must be asleep in the master bedroom since we haven't succeeded in disturbing them so far," Ville teased.
Nodding in agreement, Lauri held the eye contact a few seconds more before he took a longer kiss from Ville's smiling lips. Moaning into each other's mouths, they kept the kiss going a bit longer until a weaker squeak made them part their lips once more, hurriedly.
"Fuck...” Ville mumbled and, after hesitating a few moments, the two men bravely climbed up the old ladder to get to the top of the tower. Ville knew he kept a flash light on a shelf close by the entry and, fumbling in the darkness, he got the much-needed appliance when the sound was heard again. Truthfully, Ville wasn't that brave about matters in that moment, but as soon as the torch was lit, he immediately pointed it towards the source of the sound.
Lauri didn't know whether to be shocked about the sudden appearance of a very much functioning torch lamp or fearing his heart was going to jump out of his chest once the ghost revealed itself in front of them...
Ville's kept breath slowly oozed out and he put his palm over his face.
"Well, that was disappointing...” Lauri said almost accusingly, and put his hands on his hips.
Ville chuckled, relieved to get the nervousness out of his system. "I honestly wouldn't have known what to do if there had been a guy in a white sheet over there...”
Lauri nodded and then they both laughed, feeling quite silly to have been so scared over a dangling window hatch almost falling off its hinges.
"I need to fix that bastard...” Ville said quietly. Another thing he needed done after this.
"Well, it's hardly your job, Ville. You can always leave a note apologising to the owner. 'Sorry, we just happened to drop by seeing as the door was open, and by the way there are a few things we'd like to complain about…' "
They both laughed and then Lauri pushed closer and embraced Ville, wanting another kiss. Ville grabbed his face and their mouths clashed in pleasure. Lips immediately parted to let tongues meet and greet. Oh, Lauri tasted so good and Ville's erection hadn't been killed by the excitement one bit. Feeling Lauri just as hard against him told him that the bassist hadn't been turned off by any of it, either.
"Let's go down and examine that master bedroom, Lauri," Ville moaned in his ear as he broke the hot kiss.
"You've got to be kidding...” Lauri gasped back. "We should leave and... find your place. That would be really nice right now."
Ville just smiled and grabbed Lauri's hand. He shut off the flash light and put it where it belonged. Descending the old ladder, Ville carefully shut the lid after them. Hugging Lauri lovingly, he smiled at the bassist who smiled back. They began to walk down the staircase.
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"Looks like nothing has changed," Lauri said. "It's rather becoming of this old tower how everything is according to the gothic feel I've had about it even before we stepped inside. But it feels contemporary in a way at the same time. I don't get the feeling the owner is old-fashioned at all." Then Lauri laughed and stepped further into the room. "We're actually dealing with a naughty ghost here, Ville." He went straight to the small television set and took a handful of DVDs lying on the floor. "Aikuisten Lelukappa…" Lauri looked at the price tags on the DVDs.
"Looks like this ghost prefers freebies from my dad's sex shop," Ville smirked.
Lauri put the porn back on the floor and slowly went to Ville. "Something you wanna tell me? This tower belongs to your cousin or something?"
"I have no cousins," Ville teased and put his arms around Lauri. He bent to kiss Lauri's neck.
"So... it was yours all along?" Lauri smiled, and he couldn't disguise looking relieved at the same time.
"This tower is my home, Lauri," Ville finally admitted and felt Lauri press harder against him.
"Wow...” was all Lauri could say. "One of the biggest thrills of my life."
"Hopefully, I have one more for you," Ville grinned and received two hands on his arse cheeks and a firm squeeze.
Lauri let go of Ville and took his hand, pulling him towards the inviting bed. "How did you drag this monstrosity all the way up here?"
Ville laughed. "Well, first of all, I wouldn't have been the one dragging anything around here - ever! Secondly, it was already here when I moved in."
"Really?"
"Really. Some of the original furniture was included in the price when I bought it two years ago, like the fabulous old book case system downstairs. Obviously, the previous owners of the tower have been very attentive to the original interior and such."
"You've been the owner of this tower for two years? How come I didn't know that?" Lauri cocked his head as he looked at him.
"I don't know, Lauri? How come you didn't know that? It's regularly mentioned in all the tabloids!" Ville laughed, falling down on the bed that bounced him gently.
"It was awesome how you set me up, Ville," Lauri said, dropping his jacket on his way to join Ville on the bed. Toeing off his shoes, he entered the bed and positioned himself on top of Ville who wrapped his arms around him.
"Kiss me, Lauri," Ville asked and, while making out, Lauri began to undress them. Finding a phone in Ville's jeans pocket, Lauri turned it off.
"You have 117 messages that will have to wait. You're always on buzz?"
"Yes, I don't like being interrupted when I'm doing something... important," Ville whispered in Lauri's ear as the bassist dumped the gadget on the accumulated pile of clothes on the floor. His long hair fanned all around them and Ville bent his knees, making the other man mould himself better against him.
Lauri ran a hand down Ville's long thigh. "Fuck," he moaned softly. "Lift up...”
"Lauri... I haven't done this before," Ville immediately confessed. Getting that out of the way from the start seemed easier.
Lauri sat up, slowly caressing the delectable limb in his hand. "Received or given?" His fingertips barely graced the sparse hairs over the cosmic pope tattoo on Ville's slender calf.
"Neither. I'm pretty sure I'm a receiver, though."
"And all the porn?" Lauri turned for a moment to look at the DVDs still lying on the floor.
"I may have studied more porn than is healthy for an average male throughout the years. Let's say it's a hobby for me, but honest to god I've never practised anal sex - at all. I only know this in theory."
"Haven't you helped out in that sex shop?" Lauri asked, amused.
"Sure, when I was seventeen and didn't know any better, but I hope you don't think that makes me an expert in...”
Lauri chuckled. "Sorry! I just... wow...” Bending down, Lauri kissed him as he began writhing slowly against Ville's hard on. "What naughty stuff did you sell then, Mr. Valo?"
Ville smiled with a dreamy look on his face. Lauri's weight felt so good against his. "You're not making it easy to concentrate, sweetheart!" Lauri just smirked and licked a line along Ville's long throat. "... I may have sold one or two copies of Pamela Anderson's little home entertainment contribution."
"Ah, I remember that. Who doesn't? It wasn't even that good, mind you." Lauri's tongue cleverly went to every corner in Ville's mouth. "So tell me... what did the bad adults ask you?" he asked in a sexy raspy tone of voice.
Ville lifted his hips to meet Lauri's hard cock. "The specific pleasure of vibrators...”
Lauri smiled and Ville groaned when Lauri's hand grabbed his cock and gave it a few strokes. "Like they actually expected you to have tested the entire assortment?"
"Something like that. But I hadn't tested a single one of them."
"Were you embarrassed?" Lauri inquired, sucking Ville's tongue when he opened his mouth to answer.
"Mmmm...” Ville moaned. Lauri's hand felt so nice. "You have no idea. I blush so easily. It was really rough to try and look professional."
"Are you more experienced now?" Lauri whispered, putting two fingers inside Ville's mouth.
"Mmhmm," Ville concurred, busy drooling over Lauri's digits. Retrieving them, Lauri took his hand south and Ville spread his legs willingly. This was it. He wouldn't even have to consult his damned porn collection about anything now. He was here in his bed with a gorgeous member of the male species between his thighs. When it all came down to it - all his insecurities, confusion, and endless internal discussions seemed to be insignificant now.
Nevertheless, as Lauri carefully prepared him, Ville wasn't ready for the intensity of someone else's fingers inside of him. The enjoyment and sensation were far better than he remembered doing it himself back then and less... dramatic somehow. It was a relief how unfazed he was by it because it felt really nice and he looked forward to the rest of it. Looking up at Lauri who watched his facial expression keenly to detect any discomfort, Ville just had no words and Lauri smiled at his pleasure.
Finally, Ville whispered, "I have lube in the cabinet by the wall. I'd like if you used that."
Lauri turned his head and nodded. "Of course." Letting go of Ville, he went to the cabinet and, behind many of the small lids, he found Ville's supplies of sex aids. There were dildos, handcuffs, condoms and lube in any kind of flavour, size, and colour. Anal/penile beads, candles, clamps, thin rope... Lauri stopped looking and just grabbed a tube of lube, what looked like regular condoms, and returned to Ville. Getting back to the other man, he gently sat astride the singer and Lauri kissed him as he bent down. "You sure you're a virgin? That equipment there didn't look like you are!"
Ville pressed up to make the kiss firmer and then fell back on the pillow. "I possess the stuff, but like I told you... I haven't tried much of it. It's-"
"A hobby - I get it. You don't wanna start with something lighter? A hand job? Cock sucking, maybe?" Lauri suggested. Getting nailed right away was pretty brave.
Ville shook his head. "No. I want this. We can suck cocks later."
Smiling Lauri flicked the lube lid. Ville tore open the condom sachet and looked at him. "Do we need this?"
"I have no surprises for you if that's what you're concerned about?"
"I have nothing either, so I just think I'd like to feel you and not through latex." Ville said.
"No condoms," Lauri said and took the item from Ville and dropped it on the floor. "Let's get on with it."
"I'll just put on some of this," Lauri said and smeared a thick layer of lube all over his cock and then Ville lifted his legs. "Where do you want to put them?" Lauri asked.
"Where do you think is the best place?" Ville responded. They chuckled a bit.
"Well, if you put them over my shoulders, I can get really deep into you."
"I want that," Ville said immediately.
Lauri rubbed his palm over Ville's stomach that contracted almost violently at the contact. "Why don't you... imagine you're with someone else while we're having sex, Ville?" he suddenly asked - it was a gut feeling that suddenly came over the bassist. Ville had all these 'appliances' available for gay sex, but he had never taken the initiative to live out his fantasies. Fantasies that Lauri just knew Ville must have wanted but not allowed himself to even consider - or he hadn't been allowed by others knowingly as well as unknowingly. And still the evidence was over there in the old cupboard.
Ville just stared at Lauri. "What? But I'm with you...” he then argued.
"Yes - but we're not a couple. Why don't you 'cheat' on me with somebody else? I think it would be so hot if you moan somebody else's name when you come, Ville." Lauri put down Ville's legs.
"Seriously?" Ville asked, confused. "Why don't you want me to desire you?" He ran his hand down Lauri's back. "You're so fucking hot, Lauri," Ville coaxed the bassist, but Lauri shook his head.
"No. I want you to cheat on me. I'm kinky like that. I'll be thinking about you, desiring you, but you'll be thinking about fucking somebody else."
Ville groaned, and then he allowed himself to like the idea. He felt himself getting harder at the thought and obviously, Lauri got off by it. "Fine... Wasn't expecting a role-play, mind you...”
Lauri smirked in mild triumph. "Then it won't matter who you choose. It's just a role-play. Choose anybody. It's just a game that can't hurt me or them."
Ville giggled nervously. "Fuck... I'm... Why don't we start? Hopefully, I'll get into it as we move along. Must be a guy right?"
"Absolutely. It's your fantasy, Ville, but it'll be my cock moving inside you."
"Yes, I'll probably feel that enthusiastically. I see the possibilities...” Ville moaned unexpectedly deeply. He was so ready.
Carefully, Lauri lifted Ville's feet and hooked his heels over his shoulders. Ville's rear was elevated, but Lauri could use a pillow for a better alignment. Once that had been taken care of, he began entering Ville's body. "I'm going inside you now, Ville," Lauri said, "as deep as I can."
Ville's eyes were closed even though he had wanted them open. He loved watching porn, his own included, but this... real thing happening was much more intimate than all the times he was the one penetrating instead of the opposite happening now. "Lauri," he whispered breathlessly. "Lauri...” His hands ran over the man who rested on his underarms on either side of Ville's head. Lauri bent Ville's body in two and the closeness was maddening.
"I'm all the way in," Lauri informed him.
Ville swallowed thickly and finally opened his eyes. Seeing Lauri's beautiful face so close by, so serene and expressing pleasure, Ville had to close them again. "Please... move," he asked.
Lauri started sliding his cock back and forth inside Ville, and the singer cried out at the senses stirring in his body. "OH!" Ville moaned deeply. His mind was blank for a while, coming to terms with the wonderful sensations Lauri and he created. Then a little satisfied smile appeared on his face. Oh, this was the most wonderful feeling ever. He tried to move with Lauri and the bassist gave him some space as he slowly continued to move, giving Ville time to enjoy himself.
Lauri let out a breathy moan, too. "Oh, Ville! Fuck... so tight." His eyes were also closed as he continued to move slowly, not rushing it, and making it last longer. Their foreheads met as they each struggled to contain the pleasure.
"Oooh," they both whispered against moist lips. Heads were spinning; sweat emerged between their tight fitting bodies. Lauri quickly pecked Ville's lips and then he had to move faster. His body was taking over. When Ville cried out louder, it was a beautiful sound in Lauri's ears and he smiled, breathing heavily in Ville's ear.
"So good... Lauri. So fucking good you are," Ville responded in passionate whimpers, feeling connected with Lauri's body, as were they just one entity.
"Cheat on me, Ville," Lauri demanded.
His words set off a reaction of unexpected images in Ville's mind that he instantly recognised as not being the first time to appear, either. But this time he acted upon them naturally. Nearing his orgasm so fast now, it was just seconds after that he choked out in a scream, "Bammie?! Oh, Bammie, YES! Fuck my ass so hard, BamBam!"
Lauri had no idea what Ville was babbling about and drove into his jerking body hard and fast, fired on by Ville's filthy mouth. Finally, he came, too, inside Ville. Shuddering, he tried to stay on his arms, but gave up and, as careful as possible, he slipped out and rolled away, shivering and gasping for breath just like Ville.
"You okay?"
"I... think... so...” Ville said, taking measured breaths and trying to calm down.
Lauri chuckled a little as he lay on his back. "I had no idea you were into bestiality, Ville."
"What?" Ville murmured and turned his head a fraction. "I'm not," he said confused.
"Bambi? What the hell?" Lauri smirked.
Ville barked with laughter. "Haha... Oh, that? Um… Well, you could say that Bam is an animal, but... um...”
"Oh...” Lauri turned his head and then his body to lie on the side, studying Ville. "That Bam?"
Ville blushed instantly and he felt heat consume his face and ears. "Fuck," he said, choking on a deep breath. Minor panic began to build up inside him. He needed to get ahead of the situation now.
"Your secret is safe. Understand?"
Ville nodded and closed his eyes. "My inhaler...”
Lauri frowned. "Where is it?"
"In my bag. I think it's probably on the floor with the clothes."
Lauri found it quickly and delivered it.
"Don't worry, I'm not having an attack. Just want to be on the safe side," Ville said, eyeing Lauri's concern.
"My brother needs these things. You don't have to explain."
Ville smiled and felt very tired, floating in an endorphin induced haze. Keeping the inhaler next to him, he looked expectantly at Lauri as the bassist joined him in bed once more. "Thank you, Lauri. I really enjoyed that. It felt like the whole fucking world is one cooperating organism having sex constantly. I'd really like to do this again, but I'm afraid my stamina bailed out on me."
"It was good," Lauri said with a grin. "So... you're interested in Bam?"
Ville knew the question was bound to be asked and shrugged. "I don't want to talk about it. It's a fantasy like you said. Don't put anything into it. Why did you insist on me playing the game?"
"You need to come out of your shell, Ville Valo. I knew you harboured someone special inside."
"I don't," Ville denied.
Lauri took a deep breath and then decided to leave the matter alone. He might create more damage than good by nagging him. Ville and Bam would find each other when they were ready.
"Could you reach for my fags? I need a smoke."
Lauri nodded and got up once more. Scanning the bedroom, he found an ashtray, too and brought everything to the bed. Ville offered a cigarette and silently they sat smoking for a while.
"Want a window open?" Lauri asked.
Ville smiled, looking sleepy. "Thanks. Wanna stay the night?"
"Yes," Lauri said and looked at Ville. "Wanna get cleaned up?
Looking at himself, Ville thought that might be a good idea. "The faucet works at the sink over there. There should be wash cloths, too...”
"Cold water only?" Lauri asked.
"Yeah. It's old...” Ville smiled. "But, actually, I need to take a piss, so I'll get cleaned up in the bathroom while I'm there." In his bag, he found his pills and brought them along; it wouldn't do if he forgot to take them today on top of a nearly asthma attack.
Lauri shrugged. He would do the same.
Afterwards, they were back in bed and lay quietly under the covers. Ville found Lauri's hand and turned towards him. He didn't like the awkwardness after they'd just had mind-blowing sex. Lauri moved closer too and, pressed against each other, they fell asleep.
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Chapter Text
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4AM in the morning, a cab rolled up in front of Ville’s home. Paying the cabbie, Bam got out and looked towards the tower. Everything looked peaceful, and Bam detected light in the living room. Smiling, he crossed the lawn and grabbed for the key in his jacket. To his surprise, the door wasn’t locked. Frowning, Bam thought he needed to scold Ville. It was seriously not a good idea for the rock star to forget locking his door.
Bam got inside. Quietly, he went upstairs and looked into the living room, but it was empty. Cutting the lights off, he continued. When he reached the next floor, he opened the door to the guest room and dumped his bag there on the bed. Sitting down, he decided not to wake up Ville with pranks. Besides, he needed a few hours of sleep and then he promised he would be as much of a menace as he could get away with. Staring out of the room, his eyes were fixed on the master bedroom. He was dying to get a glimpse of Ville in his sleep; seeing his dark tussled curls all over the pillow, listening to his breathing that always sounded like he was having a slight cold. Bam pulled his lip – it was difficult to resist - but eventually he closed the door, cleared the bed, took off his boots, and got under the covers still dressed. Before he knew it, he was sound asleep.
A noise had him sitting up prompt. Was it a door being shut? Getting out of bed, he looked around confused when he recognised the room. Ville, his mind informed him. He was in Helsinki in Ville’s tower.
Glancing at an old clock on the bedside table, Bam saw it was just after 8AM Helsinki time. He’d slept four hours and could use some more but he was more curious to greet his friend. Bam rubbed his arms and opened the door. Ville’s door was still closed, so Bam must have imagined things. Standing in front of the master bedroom, Bam’s hand hovered over the ornate handle and then he pressed down and entered the room. His eyes immediately sought the monstrosity that Ville called a bed. The last time he visited Ville, they had sat cross-legged in front of each other on that bed, trying to play with the old American Ouija board Ville had bought on eBay to communicate with the ghost in his tower - in case it wanted to. The experience had been quite hair-raising until Bam realised Ville was fucking with his mind, but damn he’d loved every second of the séance.
As expected, curly hair stuck out everywhere and Bam neared with a huge expectant smile, ready to strike down. But a fraction of a second later, he swallowed with difficulty. That’s not Ville. The hair was lighter and considerably longer. “No wonder he didn’t have time to answer his fucking phone!” Bam snarled.
A visible shock coursed through the person in Ville’s bed and a guy sat up. How could Ville sleep with someone else when Bam would have given him the sky if only he’d asked for it? “Was he good? Did he give it up without struggling?”
The man looked at Bam with something akin to horror written on his face, but Bam couldn’t stop himself and stepped closer. The guy’s eyes darted to the open door, clearly calculating if he could get to it before Bam got to him.
“Go ahead. Run for the door,” Bam challenged him.
“There is no need for that, Bam,” a voice came from behind him. Bam turned around and saw Ville standing in the door, a plastic bag in his hand.
“Ville...” Bam said and a nervous smile spread over his face. The rustling of sheets told him that the man had stepped out of the bed. Looking at him, Bam saw he was naked. So he did have sex with Ville. Bam had no idea who he was, but he was in no doubt he was a musician. Sort of came hand in hand with the long curls, didn’t it? Bam saw Ville approach the other man and gently kissed his lips.
“See you later,” Ville said to him as the guy gathered his clothes and disappeared in the bathroom.
Bam was mind-boggled at that kiss, his face expressionless as he tried concentrating.
“Why are you earlier than expected?” Ville asked, casually.
“Oh, you don’t have to hide your lovers from me, Vil...”
“Stop acting like an asshole, Bam. And don’t tell me what I can and can’t do with my ‘lovers’. Why are you being such a fuck?”
Bam looked away. Yeah, why was he being such a fuck? Because he wanted to rip out the other guy’s throat and shove it up his ass?
Not even a minute later, the other guy reappeared and without another word left the room.
“So...” Bam sat down on a chair and looked up at Ville.
“So...” Ville responded and lit a cigarette.
“What’s in the bag?”
“Breakfast,” Ville responded. “You hungry?”
Bam frowned. What the fuck? “Aren’t you mad at me? I just threw out your fucking boyfriend!”
Ville smiled, then he chuckled and eventually he laughed. “Oh, I am mad at you, but I’ll get over it. I’m just... puzzled why you’re already here. But I shouldn’t really. Why wouldn't you already be here?”
Bam got up and shifted a bit from foot to foot. “You want me to go?”
“Bam. Let’s go downstairs. I’m hungry.”
“Sure - you had sex all night. You must be exhausted...” Bam regretted it the instant he said it, but it had slipped out and with Ville you just couldn't ‘take it back’. You dealt with your shit. When you said stuff, somewhere along the line you usually meant it. But Ville just sent him a look and left the room. Bam got out of his chair and trotted after him.
In the kitchen, Bam positioned himself close to Ville who began cutting bread while the coffee maker was brewing. Bam noticed that Ville's motions were surprisingly calm, measured, and finally, the Finn exclaimed, "Yes. Okay? I had 'sex all night'. What's it to you?"
"I just...” Bam began. The thing was... he wanted to be the one having sex with Ville all night. He knew that Ville knew, so what was the point even asking him? Fuck, ever since Ville had locked the door when he visited the castle, Bam had lusted after the singer even more. But he had to back off. Ville had been pretty direct in his rejection of Bam back then, but the skater still harboured hopeful feelings for him. He still wanted to fool around and have fun behind Missy's back. He still wanted Ville to want it, too. And now that Ville had done things with another guy, Bam was honest to God confused that his friend didn't want to do them with him, when Bam had been good enough to fool around with when Ville was a drunk.
He looked at Ville who patiently looked back at him. Then the coffeemaker whined it was done, and they broke the intense eye contact. "Never mind," Bam said. If Ville was going to pretend he didn't know, then Bam would have to, too.
“He’s not my boyfriend,” Ville said.
“I don’t care. It’s not my business,” Bam said, only of course he cared. It was great news.
Ville glared at him. “Then you needn’t have shown your ‘charming’ side to him in the first place. You know I don’t want you practising Jackass stunts here. I need to know that I can trust you.”
Bam narrowed his eyes. Oh, yeah. That was an old rule. He’d forgotten. Ville was 110% on to his pranks back home, but here... Bam had to behave, and he hadn’t but not in the ways that Ville apparently thought. Bam smirked a little. Okay. “Sorry?”
“You should apologise to Lauri, but I’m quite sure he’ll survive.”
“He looked like a Barbie doll. Like Ken getting his rock 'n' roll dreams fulfilled,” Bam said.
Ville chuckled unwillingly. “I’ll make sure he hears that. It’ll make his mother proud to know his cello lessons weren't all a waste.”
“So how was he?” Bam couldn’t help himself asking. Cellist? Apocalyptica? What the fuck? When did that blond get a perm job?
Ville took a long drag of his fag and blew the smoke out to the side. "Long and hard," he responded, looking directly at Bam.
"I'm gonna have to drag this outta ya?"
"Why do you wanna know?" Ville asked.
Bam stood pondering a few seconds. This was getting ridiculous. Were they finally gonna have that conversation they should have had years ago? “Okay. I wanna know what sex with you feels like because then I can compare it to the almost sex I never had with you. Happy?” Bam flung out his arms to either side and nodded with a faux cheeky grin on his face.
Ville scratched his head and looked closer at Bam. “That would indicate, my dear BamBam, that we almost had sex? Wouldn’t it?”
Bam looked away. Fuck... “Um... yes. It would, wouldn’t it?” he challenged Ville. He had no idea how to even support this when it came to it. He had NOT forgotten the blowjob he forced on his oblivious friend.
“When did we almost not have sex, Bam?” Ville inquired in his kind voice.
Bam knew his cheeks turned flaming hot in one second flat and he fidgeted with his hands. “We never had sex Ville,” he tried.
“Almost, Bam. Almost never had sex,” Ville reminded him. “Since I can’t recall, obviously you are better clued in. Enlighten me. Friend,” Ville stressed the word. “Almost lover,” he added and Bam noticed the twinkle in his eye.
“You know,” Bam said with a sudden hoarseness to his voice. “You knew what I did, didn’t you? And you never said anything.” Suddenly, he was so sure Ville must have known ever since it happened and he’d just never said anything other than his rejecting body language.
“No, I don’t know. But it’s so nice of you to finally admit that something has happened, because I’m getting the weirdest remnant images lately of me sucking your cock. And looking back at my drunk induced hazy past, to my recollection, I never sucked your cock, Bam.” Ville took another long drag of the cigarette and Bam swallowed.
He was going to answer when Ville turned away from him and began pouring the coffee into two cups. Wordlessly, he offered Bam one. Bam took it and opened the fridge to find milk. Filling it to the rim, he put it back, since Ville took his coffee black. Bam noticed that the Finn hadn’t picked up his, so he was expecting an answer.
“Here goes...” Bam rolled his neck and looked Ville in the eye. “You sucked my cock after the Huck interview in Los Angeles.”
Ville’s eyes flickered wildly after getting that information. “What!?” he finally exclaimed.
Bam kept looking into his eyes. “You sucked my cock after the Huck interview in Los Angeles. Back when you mixed the album with Tim.” He could tell that Ville was thinking so hard trying to remember that it should have made some serious noise, but also that Ville had no memory of it. Bam didn’t know if he was grateful for it or disappointed.
“Did you suck me back?” Ville asked and stubbed out his cigarette in an ashtray on the kitchen table.
“No, dude… Well, at first - but you couldn’t get it up, so I didn’t... suck back for long.”
Ville pressed his knuckles against his temples, looking like he really tried hard to remember but also to understand what Bam was telling him. If it wasn’t so fucking serious, Bam would have laughed, but this wasn’t funny. “I don’t... I remember you tried to kiss me, grope me, and what not in West Chester, but... Did we do a 69 since we both sucked more or less?”
“Not exactly,” Bam replied, taking a sip of coffee.
“Why the fuck not? I don’t get this. I need some kind of visual... something, Brandon. I can’t fucking... Vittu!” Ville exclaimed, looking agitated.
“You were passed out, Ville, and I was so fucking annihilated. We both were, and I just... reacted. You looked so damn sweet all passed out and I just... touched your dick and I just...” Bam made a helpless gesture. “I love touching you, Willa,” Bam said distressed.
Ville just stared at him as the words sunk in. “You touched me while I was passed out?”
“... I... yeah. I did. I petted your package,” Bam admitted. “I probably kissed you because you’re such a great kisser. You’re just great whatever you do and...”
“Not now, Bam,” Ville interrupted Bam’s praises before the American’s inner fangirl got him worked up.
“So – how often have I sucked your cock while being unconscious?” Ville asked as he lifted his cup and calmly blew cool air across the surface.
“That... that was the only time,” Bam said quickly.
“You sure?” Ville emphasized.
“Scout’s honour,” Bam replied.
Ville nodded. “I honestly don’t know what to say.”
“C’mon, Ville. We used to fool around and have great fun all the time. I miss being able to do that and fool around, kiss you, and touch your body and...”
“You’re married, Bam,” Ville interrupted, not looking happy at all.
“So? You were engaged. That never seemed to stop you from sticking your goddamn tongue down my throat, Ville. It never stopped you from cheating on Jonna and let’s not forget Susanna, too!”
“Why, thanks, Bam. Thanks for dragging that into the conversation. But to me, it was different then,” Ville said with narrowed eyes.
“How?”
“I was different.”
“You were drunk then and engaged! Now you’re neither and now is the time when it can’t hurt anybody! I don’t get it. I won’t get it. I fucking MISS that, Ville.” Bam ran a hand over his face, feeling rather lost in this conversation that was getting nowhere near the point he wanted to reach.
Patiently, Ville said, “You’re married, Bam. And I’m sober enough to see this. Why can’t you? Even when I was drunk, I should have acknowledged that and...”
“So if I wasn’t married? Would you fool around with me?”
“Bam... I...” Ville hesitated.
“Would you?” Bam asked and stepped in front of Ville, looking him square in the eye. “If I knew you would have me right now, I’d divorce Missy.”
“Bam...” Ville began.
“Have you ever wanted me? Tell me, Ville. Even when Jonna played her little vicious games with you that made you cheat on her?”
“Stop this,” Ville implored him.
“Just fucking grant me this and tell me.”
“Vittu saatana! I don’t know!”
“The fuck you do! You sleep with some dude, so you must want to sleep with dudes, Ville. Why not me? How long have you done it? Did you sleep with other dudes while we fooled around?”
“No,” Ville said. “I...”
“So you just fucked with my feelings?”
“I was a drunk all the time, Bam! I didn’t know how the fuck I felt...”
“I don’t believe...”
“I DON’T CARE!” Ville suddenly roared.
Bam shut his mouth and waited.
“You come here. Insult a guy I spent a fucking great night with, then you tell me you forced me to suck you off while I was passed out and now you want fucking answers?”
Bam took a deep breath before he smiled and shrugged. “It was just a joke, Ville. It was all just a joke. I just made it all up. Who am I to judge you so I’ll go now,” Bam said and turned away from Ville, but the Finn grabbed his arm and turned him back to face him.
“It might interest you that I was thinking about you while I had sex with him...” Ville said.
*{::}*{::}*{::}*{::}*{::}*
Oh, yes. Ville could tell that Bam was more than interested. He didn’t know why he was torturing Bam this way, because he didn’t care that Bam had insulted Lauri. Lauri had proved his point and would have entertaining blackmail material they could both laugh at the next time they met. Moreover, Ville wasn’t really shocked that Bam had admitted having been indecent with his body while Ville was out cold in a drunken stupor. But he remembered it. That’s where the erotic memories came from. That was why he had sexual longings of sucking Bam’s cock, feeling Bam fuck his ass. Because, looking at it in small scales, it had happened and he remembered it.
Wow. The simplicity was astounding to put it mildly and he asked, “Did you fuck me in the ass, Bam? Ever?”
Bam spewed his coffee, almost hitting Ville, but the Finn took that as a loud and clear ‘no’.
“NO! Fuck! You gotta believe me, Ville. I never took anything further with you than a drunken grope and... well, you didn’t exactly suck me off, okay! Like literally sucking me off. You were asleep. Nothing came of it.”
“Oh...” Ville said. “So you didn’t come?”
“No...” Bam shrugged.
“So it did happen? You didn’t make it up?”
Bam looked away and after a few moments, he shrugged. “No.”
“So when you couldn’t make me suck you off because I was asleep, you tried to suck me off?”
“It was pathetic, Ville, so I just left, okay? Nobody came and nobody really did the other.”
“I just...” Ville went to the table and sat down on a chair. Holding his cup with both hands, he looked up at Bam who joined him on the other side. “The images I have in my head are so vivid. Like the things happened for real. I don’t know why it happens at this point in my life. Maybe because I’m sober now. Maybe I’m becoming gay and I just never knew because I wasn’t attracted to anybody to realise that side of me until now.” He looked intensely at Bam. “Do you think we’ve actually done things with each other we just couldn’t remember the day after, but that our bodies really really liked?”
Bam’s eyebrows shot in the air. “Ville. This sounds like you wish we had done naughty stuff with each other.”
Ville smiled. “Yeah, it kinda does, doesn’t it?” Looking at Bam, Ville thought for a moment. ¬“Do you really want to divorce Missy just to fool around with me?”
“Can I take that back?”
“If you mean it, sure.”
“I’m a greedy cunt, Ville. I want you and I also wanna stay married to Missy.”
“Of course you do. You married her out of love – I hope,” Ville stressed.
“You wanna know something?” Bam asked looking sincerely at him, as he fumbled in his pants pocket.
“What?” Ville murmured and took a sip of coffee.
Slowly, Bam put a hand out on the table. His fist contained something and Ville smiled a little. “What is it?” he asked curiously.
“What is in my hand, Ville, I will give to you if you can convince me you truly want to be with me.”
Smirking, Ville said, “Always the same with you Bam. You are a greedy cunt.”
Bam shook his hand. “It rattles, dude. It is impatient to become yours.”
“It’s just a fucking condom, Bam,” Ville laughed softly.
“Nope. It’s heavier and its value is more than a dollar.”
“Two condoms then?” Ville grinned.
Bam shook his head with a rueful smile and pulled his fist back. Ville reached out to smack Bam’s hand to stop the motion, but Bam cackled as it darted out of Ville’s grasp. “Too late, Zilla Zalo.” Bam put his hand in his pocket. Whatever had been there he had now put away.
Narrowing his eyes, Ville suddenly jumped up on the table, taking Bam by surprise. Bam scooted his chair back to create an immediate distance, but Ville was in his lap a moment later. “Fuck, Willa!” Bam gasped.
Ville’s face was right in front of his and his sensual lips parted. “I’m here now, Bam. What’s your game?”
Bam licked his lips quickly. Then he reacted by giving Ville some action of his own. Grabbing Ville’s hips, he got on his feet and whipped the much lighter Finn backwards on his back on the table.
“Oomph!” Ville uttered, staring confused at Bam as the skater pulled him closer towards the edge and put himself between his thighs.
“Why did you think about me while that guy fucked you if it doesn’t mean you’re interested in me? It’s so fucking far out, Ville. Can’t you see it?”
“He wanted me to cheat on him.”
“He what?” Bam asked. “That’s... sick. That’s so fucking wicked! While you fucked?”
Ville smiled and nodded. “As I got turned on and wound up I thought about you, Bammie. Right until I came apart under him with his pecker still in me,” Ville whispered hotly. “All I thought about was how it would feel if you were the one inside me, lying on top of me, and pressing me down on my bed.”
“I could do that to you,” Bam retorted hoarsely while bending forward. “Make you feel helpless and small under me. Whatever you want, sweetheart.”
Ville let out a little sound that could have been a cry, making Bam cradle Ville’s face a few moments.
Lifting his head, Ville rubbed his cheek against Bam’s, and lifted his legs to put them around Bam’s hips like vines. Bam let a hand run from Ville’s shoulder and down his tattooed sleeve. “Bam...” Ville moaned as their fingers threaded. His body responded to Bam’s while the skater’s other hand reached down to cup his ass.
“Fuck, you have the most beautiful little tight ass, Ville. Fits right in my hand like nobody’s business.”
Ville smiled and dropped his head back to the table. “How would you know, BamBam?”
“Believe me, I’ve known the measures for ages. I’ve spent more time ogling your ass than I care to count.”
“More times than ogling Missy’s?” Ville couldn’t help himself asking.
“Since I’ve probably spent more hours in your company than in hers, it’s very possible.”
Ville laughed softly. “When do you check out my ass, Mr. Margera?”
“When I’m not checking out your dick, Willa.” Bam freed his hand and began to open Ville’s pants. Ville was naked under the denim and his cock was already hardening. Knowing Bam was looking at it, he felt heat rush through his system, his blood concentrating in his groin. “This is fucking beautiful,” Bam said, watching the whole process happening in front of his eyes as Ville’s cock firmed up in his hand. Ville’s infamous Heartagram tattoo bejewelled the warm skin just above a nest of brown pubic hair just like Bam’s did. With calculated motions, he took off Ville’s shoes and socks, pulled his jeans off, and dropped the items on the floor. His own cock eagerly jumped to attention once his own pants had been pushed past his hips.
“Uuh...” Ville breathed and his entire being was yearning for Bam in that moment. He wanted Bam. Here on the kitchen table, it mattered not to him. It was basically how he imagined their first coupling would be. Short-lived, hot-tempered, direct, and with Bam on top. Bam was spitting into his hand before he smeared it on himself and lined up ready to enter the Finn.
“Bam?” Ville asked, getting Bam’s attention.
“What?” Bam replied, holding his dick in one hand and resting the other on Ville’s thigh.
“Nothing...” Ville said with a small smile.
Bam looked at his target and, pressing his cock against Ville’s opening, he saw there wasn’t much resistance. The dude had done a proper preliminary work, because Ville was still flexible and accessible... wet.
Ville saw him watching his face to detect any discomfort, but to be honest; it didn’t really hurt at first when Bam entered him. Ville sucked in a breath and breathed out slowly. “Aw!” he suddenly exclaimed. Bam hit his prostate dead on and the sensation was both painful and insanely pleasurable.
Bam stopped, tensing completely. “Fuck. I thought you were ready.”
“I am... I think. It was just... Go easy, BamBam...”
Bam smirked and shortly after, he was all the way inside him. Ville nodded, and Bam started fucking him. Ville’s legs squeezed him closer and his arms reached out to pull him tighter. “Yeees,” Ville said as his eyes closed and his mind was filled with Bam. The skater’s muscular body was hard and Ville pressed up to feel him. “So good,” he moaned; his eyes were closed, not allowing other senses to disturb the cocoon of awareness that Bam was creating inside him. Dizzy, wonderful feelings came and went in rapid waves.
“Bammie,” Ville moaned louder, feeling how strong Bam was, and how he panted as his hips thrust against Ville’s buttocks. Receiving Bam again and again, Ville was spiralling fast and his breath became laboured, hyper, ecstatic. Bam had buried his face and mouth in the crook of Ville’s neck. Short grunts came from the skater and Ville felt his release when his moves became sporadic and clumsy. Bam raised his upper body on stretched arms, riding out his orgasm locking his eyes with Ville’s as he did so. Ville’s lips were parted and fascinated; he just watched Bam’s passionate face as he took his pleasure. Ville tried to smile but he was caught in the moment taking in all the little beautiful details about the man enjoying himself.
“Are you close, Valo?” Bam panted. “I didn’t feel you coming.”
“I... forgot,” Ville said, still in a state of breathlessness. Bam just shook his head and made a ‘tsk’ sound. Slipping out of Ville, he got on his knees and pulled the Finn a bit further towards him.
“You okay, dude?” Bam asked, casting him a glance.
“I’m all right,” Ville assured him, appreciating the concern. “What... are you doing, Bammie?” he asked curiously. The next second he sucked in breath as he felt Bam’s hot mouth on his cock. “God!” he cried out as the air left his lungs. Long fingers found their way into Bam’s short curls, and his feet found purchase on the skater’s shoulders where his toes curled all by themselves in bliss. “Aaah,” Ville groaned, feeling fingers entering him and teasing his cum bathed prostate. His body started locking up, rising halfway towards Bam where after his climax washed over him and he let go of Bam’s hair as his back continued to arch.
Slumping, Ville fell back on the table again with a heaving chest. Rather abruptly, his feet pushed Bam away and off his sensitive cock. Uselessly, his legs fell down and his feet hit the floor solidly. Slowly, his fingers grabbed the edge of the table and, little by little, he came back to his senses and sat up. Finding Bam sitting on the floor watching him, had Ville giggle in his post orgasmic delight. When his body finally had reached an angle of 90° he winched with a loud yell. “AAWWW!”
Bam chuckled. “I’m sorry - I just… hahahah!” Bam laughed. Ville nodded trying to contain the pain.
“Fuuuck!” he exclaimed. “Never EVER fuck me without a preparation, Bam!” Ville had totally disregarded his sixth sense because of lust. Of course, he should have been prepared. He had known even when he told Bam he didn't need it.
“You seemed to be ready. You told me you were ready!” Bam defended himself against fucking Ville too hard.
“Yeah, yeah,” Ville chuckled while complaining at the same time. “Shit... Do I bleed?” he asked and fell back on his back. Bam got up and put his hands on Ville’s knees to push his legs up and to either side. Gently prying Ville’s buttocks open, he had a fond look at the tiny opening. Ville couldn’t help clenching self-consciously even though Bam had just fucked him there.
“Nope,” Bam said after a little examination.
“You sure?” Ville asked, bending his neck even though he couldn't really see anything but his wet and spent cock lolling in cum on his stomach.
“You want me to kiss it better?” Bam asked and got up. Ville’s large green eyes followed his blue ones and slowly he shook his head.
“No thanks. But thanks... you know.”
Bam positioned himself between Ville’s long thighs and rested his hands on the sweaty limb. “You sure?” Bam was still smiling mischievously.
“Yes. I’m sure I’m sure,” Ville answered. He put his hands on Bam’s.
“So did it even come close to your dirty fantasy?” Bam asked.
Ville smiled and wriggled a little, feeling Bam’s hands cup the modest curve of his thighs. Then he snorted a nervous giggle and stretched like a sated cat. “It was better.”
“Fuck, Willa,” Bam moaned and bent over his slender feline body. Ville knew he pushed all the right buttons when he cocked his head and looked at the American through lowered lashes. The catlike image fulfilled to perfection.
“If I wasn’t so fucking sore from getting fucked twice within twelve hours, I’d want you to fuck me again,” he said matter–of-fact.
“God, yes,” Bam concurred as he pushed Ville’s t-shirt up. Greedily, he took in the abdomen tattoo, the little belly button and tight stomach. “Delicious. Fuck, Willa. Fuck,” Bam groaned and reached for more skin. His fingers found a tiny nipple surrounded in a lavish Heartagram tattoo and gave it a few strokes and pinches.
Ville hissed. “Fuck. Aww... uh.” The pleasure hurt and he wasn’t used to having his erogenous zones stimulated after sex so it honestly came as a surprise how tender they were.
“Want me to stop?” Bam asked.
Ville nodded. “Yeah. I do actually.” Then Bam gave him a hand and Ville sat up slowly. “Shut up,” he smiled at Bam who smirked with that proud look on his face men got, knowing they’d fucked their lover good. And he had fucked Ville good and hard. Ville put his arms around Bam’s neck as he got on his feet. “Kiss me, sweetheart,” he asked. Bam’s smirk increased as his lips pressed against Ville’s.
Now that was a nice kiss. Thoughts swirled around in Ville’s head. Now Bam had had him. He’d had Bam. At last, the years of mutual attraction had had its climax. It was calming in a sense and Ville embraced Bam closer. Oh, it was such a good feeling and Bam smelled nice and familiar. Bam’s tongue licked at his lower lip and Ville opened his mouth and let him in. A pitiful moan escaped Ville and he felt Bam’s hands under his t-shirt, mapping the eyes of Poe.
He'd come so far since yesterday. It puzzled him why he hadn't wanted Bam earlier. Obviously, he must have wanted Bam, but Ville just gathered he hadn't known and his drunkenness prevented him from figuring it out. Maybe he was happy enough with the way they'd fooled around and living in denial, pretending it never happened when he was back with Jonna after spending time with his friend. Surely, it had served some kind of purpose and he did get unconditional intimacy, love, and kindness from Bam when they lay rubbing Heartagrams and dicks against each other while kissing in hotel rooms, far away from their girlfriends. It was a man's world when they were together. Wanking together was a typical guy thing, so it was natural not to even think about their significant others when they were together.
Ville sighed and slowly let go of Bam. "You know what? I just realised you swallowed as if you’re doing this on a regular basis...”
Bam's eyes flickered a little before they came back to rest on Ville's. "Yeah? So what?"
"So what? Well... have you done this before?" Ville couldn't help tease Bam. "I need the bathroom.” Taking his hand, he dragged Bam with him.
"I have rehearsed...” Bam began.
"Do tell, Bam?" Ville implored with amusement shining in his eyes.
"I was going to, Valo!" Bam laughed.
"Well go on then," Ville said and pointed to the toilet seat for Bam to sit down on. Smiling he pulled his t-shirt over his head and then looked into the mirror as he cocked a hip. In a little cupboard next to the mirror, he found a washcloth. Letting the hot water run a few moments, he soaked the cloth, pumped some soap, and smeared it on the surface. Working some lather, he glanced at Bam who followed his motions with keen attention. Smiling some more, he began washing his cock and balls.
Bam gasped. "Oh, god," he whispered aroused.
"Talk, Bam!" Ville commanded and giggled, keeping an eye more on the American than on what his hands were doing as he slowly led the cloth across his abdomen and higher up. The lather went across his nipples and Ville closed his eyes and let his head fall back gradually. Seconds later, Bam was behind him and kissing his neck, pressing against his ass.
Ville giggled even more when Bam’s hands grabbed his sides to try to tickle him. Ville turned and threw the washcloth in Bam’s face and chuckled, "You're much too easy to distract, Bammie!”
"Then stop being so fucking sexy, Ville," Bam responded, pulling the wet cloth from his face and gave it back to the Finn.
Ville turned back and finished washing away the remnants of their coupling. Shooting warm glances Bam’s way, he asked again, “Did you like swallowing?” Smiling lines crinkled around his eyes and his lips were upturned like a cheeky school boy Ville’s size.
Bam reciprocated the sincere smile. “I wanted to be able to do it… you know. When we would end up like this. I’ve been...” Bam laughed and rubbed the back of his neck. “I’ve wanted to do this to you since always.”
“I’m beginning to understand that. I just...” Ville dropped the soggy washcloth in the sink in front of him and held on to the edge holding Bam’s gaze. “I had no idea.” He shrugged and the smile became softer. “All those times we groped each other, kissed...”
“I treasured those moments and was thrilled to get that from you even though I knew you weren’t really reciprocating,” Bam said.
“I’m a lustful creature,” Ville replied. “I love sex. It’s constantly on my mind in any kind of way.”
“Yeah, I know. All your songs are basically about fucking.”
Ville grinned. “True, but at least I’m putting it tastefully.”
“You’re saying it in the best fucking nice way,” Bam said, sitting down again. “I think I’m thinking about sex all the time, too. Just not when I’m skating...”
“Sure?” Ville said with a little mirthful frown, turning half ways towards him.
Bam looked at Ville’s cock and balls, right in his line of view. Gently, he reached out and touched the top of the organ with his fingertips. Ville instantly sucked in breath. Bam’s skin was warm and calloused, and he watched intensely the way he was caressed. Bam grabbed his hips and pulled Ville towards him. Shortly after, the American put his lips against Ville’s tattoo and slid his tongue to his cock root, applying hot breath that felt scorching, and Ville moaned out in the resonant room. Sloppy kisses were carefully pressed to the shaft, and Bam began to lick and suck him all over. Looking up, Bam stopped and caught Ville’s loving expression. It filled the Finn with such tenderness to see that Bam truly had waited for this dream of his to come true for so long.
“What did you really feel that night back in London?” he asked and stroked Bam’s irresistible curls with his hand.
“In the crowd, I just...” Bam swallowed and kissed Ville’s abdomen tattoo once more. “You were the hottest person, just the fucking hottest man I’d ever seen, dude. And I don’t usually check out dudes.”
Ville nodded - he understood that Bam had witnessed something otherworldly and how do you make that a normal person?
“I’m not really sure how I was even coherent enough to figure out how I could force my company on you and come to your dressing room after the gig. I was floating with such energy and... and arousal and you just… welcomed me like we had something in common.”
Ville smiled. “Well, that’s not how I saw it, but I’m following that.”
Bam looked confused. “Oh... Well, how did you experience it? You know - for real. And not the bull shit we usually tell at interviews.”
Ville took Bam’s hands and pulled him out of the bathroom. He was freezing a little, and he wanted to take Bam to his bed.
Reaching the bedroom, Ville remembered that Lauri and he had spent the night there and, resolutely, he changed the sheets. Bam came in, undressed, and joined Ville under the covers, facing each other with their legs tangled.
After a little kiss, the conversation was resumed.
“I saw a young enthusiastic fan disguising himself as an MTV reporter. However, fans act very differently, so I definitely thought I’d pay attention to you. Also – you did represent MTV, right?” Ville smirked, “But honestly... I was pretty drunk that night, Bam. Nevertheless, when we got together again later, I remembered you quite keenly. I even remembered your name, and trust me I’m so bad with names it’s not even funny.”
“Yeah. You are, actually. So… I’m the only one of us who thought our first encounter was otherworldly sexual?” Bam choked out, looking very disappointed, because it had been a quest to find the rock star he’d been insanely attracted to just from a picture and a video.
Ville sucked in breath and said, “... yes. Yes, you are.”
Chapter Text
Hardly able to believe his own ears, Bam blurted, putting on the hurt thickly, “So, if I hadn’t showed up again after London with an invitation for HIM to be introduced to America, you would have forgotten me?”
Ville smiled a little at the wounded expression in Bam’s eyes. “No... No chance of that. You left your business card in my pants pocket, and I distinctly recall your knuckles grazing across my dick after forcing it down there.”
Bam stared at him for a few seconds, then he laughed. “I never quite knew if you noticed, but apparently you did and, for your information, I did not graze your precious fucking dick, Willa.” Bam shook his head as Ville laughed, too. “I fucking groped your fucking hot dick!”
“Silly BamBam,” Ville said, and moaned when Bam rubbed his erection against said dick. “It feels so fucking good getting hard again.”
“Sure feels awesome, and that you’re getting hard and turned on for me is... fucking great, too,” Bam said.
“What was in your pants pocket this time, Bam?” Ville asked. His green eyes shone with mischief.
Bam could feel the Finn’s long limbs begin to disentangle themselves and he clung harder to him. “Nothing, Ville. Absolutely nothing.”
“You keep saying that and then in reality it holds meaning and not empty promises, Bammie,” Ville teased.
Bam wound his arms tightly around Ville, but the Finn’s longer arms and legs were much cleverer for him. “Oh, man!” Bam whined when Ville rolled away and stepped out from his side of the bed. Bam flung himself out of his own side, and tried to get to the heap of clothes on the floor, before Ville, but the singer already stood with his pants in his hands. No way would Bam be able to reach up to snatch it from him - damned his modest height. Surprise was written all over his face when Ville quietly gave him the pants back, but Bam knew it also meant he would have to show him what he initially had teased the singer to give to him in the kitchen. Putting his hand into the pocket, he grabbed the tiny object and with his other, he took hold of Ville’s left one and turned the palm upside. Looking at Ville’s face, he silently encouraged him to open up and Ville complied.
“You sure?” Ville asked.
Bam nodded and put it in the Finn’s large hand and curled his fingers over it. Taking a small step back, he just looked at Ville’s face. Green eyes rested in scrutiny on his own before they lowered. Bam swallowed nervously. It was a big step and he had no idea how Ville would react and interpret this.
Uncurling his fingers, Ville revealed the object and his eyes widened where after his mouth parted in a big ‘O’. “Fuck...” he whispered as his tongue ran over the edge of small front teeth. Bam swallowed again and waited. “Fuck,” Ville whispered again and, with thumb and index finger, he picked up a lovely silver ring with a blue stone.
“I bought it for you,” Bam said.
Ville bent his head and kissed Bam’s lips. “Put it on my finger,” he said with a smile, and Bam returned the smile brightly in relief. Ville liked it, and it made Bam’s chest swell with joy.
Bam took the ring and began trying to find a finger that would fit. He had completely forgotten how big Ville’s hands and fingers were and he feared it would not fit. As it were, the only finger it did fit was the ring finger on his left hand. With a little smirk, he pulled off the single broad silver ring covering Jonna’s monogram – a beloved part of a ten-piece ring set Ville owned for each finger - and placed the new beautiful jewellery there. Putting the broad silver ring back, her tattoo was now completely covered. How appropriate, Bam smirked.
That didn’t go by unnoticed, and Ville giggled softly, “You planned that, huh?”
Bam looked at him and smiled. “I’m not sure what I planned, Ville, but I’m so fucking happy you like it.” Bam put his hands around his waist and as he pulled, he let the both of them fall back to the bed. Bam lifted his knees and Ville settled carefully between his legs. Pushing up, Ville rested on his elbows and looked down on Bam’s angelic face. “Why did you give me a ring?”
Bam licked his lips. He knew Ville wanted a plausible explanation and that he wouldn’t score points for being cheeky. “I love you,” he said. Ville’s eyes narrowed. Fuck. Not the right answer, then. “Um... Because...”
“Bam,” Ville said and his eyebrows started frowning.
“I’m… actually a Mormon and believe in collecting wives,” he said, smiling cheekily anyway. Ville’s brows straightened for a few seconds, but then Bam knew his patience was running short. “All right. It’s a ring. A token if you wish for what I feel for you.”
“And what do you feel for me… say compared to what you feel for your wife?” Ville dug.
“A lot, Ville. I feel more probably, but you can’t give me kids,” Bam suddenly added.
“What?!” Ville spluttered into Bam’s face in surprise.
After a few seconds, Bam saw something shift in his green eyes. A slow blink of heavy eyelids rimmed with arched lashes that always made him think of Ville like a cat... and Bam loved cats beyond any pet. But Ville wasn’t a pet. He was human size. “You’re my kitty cat,” he said and the look in Ville’s eyes was priceless.
“You want kids?” Ville asked, still looking a little shocked.
“Yeah. I’m Italian, what can I say?” Bam shrugged. He’d brought it up completely impulsively, and since it was the truth, he couldn’t back down.
“Bam...” Ville started and began to shift away from Bam, but the skater held on to the Finn and tackled him by throwing them sideways, making him sit on top of Ville instead.
“You’re so fucking random that sometimes I don’t know what to think of you. You confuse me, Bam,” Ville complained and his eyes looked hurt.
“Ville, I’m so fucking confused, too, okay? I want so much and I want it all,” Bam responded.
“What do you want from me? You give me this ring and I can tell it holds so many feelings for you but also expectations and potential. I’m not sure I can give that to you,” Ville said. “Actually, I’m not so sure I should keep your gift, because you don’t know what you want from me and confuse things with what you want from Missy. I’m not Missy and Missy is not me.”
When Ville struggled to get free from under Bam, the American used his weight to keep the singer in place, pressing his hands down by grabbing his wrists.
“Are you listening, Brandon?” Ville asked, raising his voice slightly.
Bam nodded. “Loud and clear, Ville. If you had been female I would have knocked you up the same night we met.”
Ville closed his eyes, and Bam winced. “It was a fucking complement,” Bam cried, desperately.
“I get it,” Ville said tonelessly, but it was obvious that Bam still hadn’t succeeded in saying the right thing yet.
Continuing to try to explain his actions, Bam said, “I mean... You’re everything I want, Ville. But I’m a family guy and Missy provides certain things I really like. You...” Bam quickly kissed rejecting stretched lips. “You’re my dream of a perfect relationship.”
“Bam...” Ville said. “I’ve been engaged twice. I might not have thought Susanna was the one I’d grow old with, but I did want that with Jonna. I really wanted to marry her. Have kids and all that. But it didn’t happen. For your information, the next girl I meet will be fucking it because I’m very picky. Okay?”
Bam was shocked. Ville was considering that... But...
“So if you’re offering me a ring, it fucking better mean something to top the other dream. I cannot live like this. I cannot start something with you if I know you’re just gonna run back to your wife and produce a family... because I want that, too.”
Letting go of Ville’s wrists, Bam looked at the beautiful ring on his finger. Swallowing, he nodded. “Yeah.”
Ville sat up and put his hands on Bam’s waist. “We could always adopt... but are you sure either of us are ready for that?”
Looking at Ville’s face, Bam thought for a moment. He honestly hadn’t given that a thought. “This is suddenly getting complicated.”
Ville looked really down. “Anyway... Why are we even discussing kids?”
Bam knew he should never have brought the damn ring along. All he would accomplish was opening all these hideous drawers of questions that he couldn’t answer without them fighting. “I just wanted to give you the ring, Ville. Because I love you. That’s the only thought I had.”
Ville looked at the ring and a small smile formed on his lips. “Yeah, I know you do, Bam. But you have to make a choice.”
Bam closed his eyes. He just couldn’t. Ville. For God’s sake. His all time dream coming true this morning and Missy... His patient, devoted wife... He tried to imagine coming home and not finding her there anymore. That didn’t settle well with him, but then he tried to put Ville in the same scenario. No more Ville. His gut clenched and opening his eyes, he saw Ville’s sad expression. “I don’t think I could live without you, dude.”
“You’re serious,” Ville stated. “You’d actually do that to her?”
“Yes. If I had to make a choice.”
“So?”
Bam swallowed as his own words echoed between them. “Well, can you live with this, Ville?”
Ville slowly nodded. “Yes, I can. There’s nothing I can do or want to do to make you not love and not desire me, so Missy would live with a miserable husband pining for someone else - so she would be better off without you...”
Bam’s jaw dropped, but quickly he realised how right Ville was. “And can you live with that, too?” he asked and slowly let his palms slide across Ville’s small pecs.
“Yes,” Ville answered and Bam felt so fucking happy hearing that. His fingertips began toying with Ville’s nipples. Ville’s fingers fisted and his hips shot forward in response to the sudden pleasure, and Bam’s sweet smile was instantly spreading into a smirk across his face.
“Could you do something for me, sweetheart?” Bam asked, his eyes twinkling.
“Of course, Bammie,” Ville answered a little breathlessly, his own eyes looking slightly glazed from Bam’s loving caresses.
“Lift your knees, darling,” Bam said.
Ville’s eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Why? We agreed I can’t give you any kids,” he joked.
Bam got on his knees and pulled Ville’s legs apart with his hands.
“No, Bam. We’re actually in the middle of an argument! Could you at least...” Ville began, when Bam settled between his legs and pushed Ville’s knees towards his shoulders.
Bam looked at Ville and the look in his eyes was not inviting. A ‘no go’ then. Letting go of him, Bam crawled up and instead lay down on Ville, resting his head on the man’s shoulder. Ville sighed and wrapped his arms around him.
“Sorry...” Bam murmured. “It must be something in the water.”
“You’re just horny, BamBam,” Ville said.
“It’s like you’re a buffet and I don’t know when to stop eating. I want to taste it all.”
“I know. We’ve established that,” Ville said with a little sigh.
“We did?” Bam asked and turned his head to look into Ville’s eyes. “What if I had fallen in love with Mige?”
Ville’s arms loosened a little. “Bam, you’re driving me insane with your random shit.”
Bam chuckled. “I saw you first in that magazine, but when I show up in London I’d fall head over heels for Mige.”
Ville shook his head and tightened his grip a bit better around Bam again. “You’d better not.”
“Yeah. I’d better not,” Bam repeated, liking how his body felt against Ville’s bonier one. “You’re so fucking thin, dude. Your hip is cutting into my stomach.”
“Sorry,” Ville mumbled and kissed Bam’s curly hair before he began stroking it lovingly. “Are you leaving Missy?” he asked without warning.
Bam couldn’t help but become rigid. Ville was waiting, and his hand was still caressing Bam. Detecting a slight tremor in the gentle motions had him swallow nervously. Fuck. If he said yes, he would actually have to divorce his wife... if he said no... Being in love with two people on two completely different levels was truly a curse. There was no doubt that because of what had happened between Ville and him, Bam would hurt one of them and leave himself feeling miserable. Missy was the only one oblivious to Bam’s fucked up love interests.
“I have to talk to her first. Then I’ll let you know, Ville. I can’t make the decision before I see her again.”
Ville nodded. “Fair enough.”
Sitting up, Bam had to go. He couldn’t contain this undecided matter now that it had truly returned to the surface. Pretending he didn’t really have to deal with it wasn’t an option anymore and Ville’s patience was wearing dangerously thin. But fuck it happened so damn fast. He’d been brooding over his unrequited love for Ville for seven fucking years and suddenly literally *bam!* - he had to take a stand and choose between Ville and Missy. It was a choking feeling and he felt nauseous.
“I’m going to make a call and see when I can get back home. I gotta see her.”
“You do that, Bammie,” Ville said, and his hand followed Bam’s spine until he couldn’t reach him anymore. Bam was already talking to the airline company, negotiating a ticket back to America. Bam felt Ville’s approving eyes on his back, but he couldn’t look at him. Getting a ticket wasn’t a problem, and reserving one, Bam quickly found his credit card in his wallet and bought his flight. Now he had to get moving, get to the airport, and fly back home.
“Did you eat anything?” Ville asked, concerned.
“No...”
“It’ll be twenty hours or more before you’re back home, Bam.”
“I can’t eat, Ville. I’ll grab something at the airport.”
Ville nodded. “I’m sorry, sweetheart.”
Bam went to bed and covered Ville’s body once more. “I love you, Ville Hermanni Valo.”
“Bammie, please. Don’t give me any false hopes. I don’t want pretty dreams if you end up choosing her nevertheless.”
“Okay,” Bam said, understanding him. If he ditched Ville, he would lose him forever. Ville would find someone else, and that would be the end of the two of them... probably for good. Their friendship wouldn’t survive this. Kissing the Finn deeply, he savoured this moment, because it could be their last.
Brusquely, he left Ville’s tempting arms and called a cab. Ten minutes later, he left the Tower without looking back.
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Chapter Text
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Coming back to West Chester was another reality check for Bam. When the cab entered his property, the skater didn’t feel happy coming home.
“Hey, Bam!”
Missy greeted him with a surprised look on her face. She was sitting by the pool when she heard the sound of a car arriving on the pebble covered parking lot close to the house. When Bam reached her, he smiled and returned her kiss as he kept her in his arms. She felt good, but he felt like a fraud.
“Hey, babe,” he said softly.
“Why are you back so soon? Is Ville okay? What happened, Bam?” Missy asked, worry evident in her voice.
Bam could feel his eyes watering, and he didn’t know what to say. Coming back already would, of course, demand answers. He usually extended his stay in Helsinki, so something must have happened. “He’s okay, but he wasn’t feeling so well, and even if he didn’t tell me out right, I decided it was best to come back instead of draining him. He’s been through enough lately.”
“Oh... Well, that’s a bummer right there,” Missy said.
“Shit happens,” Bam said and let her go with a little smile. “I need to sleep, though.”
“Of course. Sleep tight, honey,” Missy said, and pressed a kiss to Bam’s temple.
Bam trotted past her and went inside the house. Not hearing Ape or Phil anywhere, he just went upstairs. After undressing, he took a long hot shower and felt somewhat refreshed. Standing naked in the doorway to the bedroom he shared with Missy, he looked at their King sized bed. Man, he’d enjoyed hours of fun in that bed with Missy, but as he kept staring at the neatly done marital piece of furniture, he just couldn’t sleep there. Turning around he found a spare room and, without even noticing it, he chose the one Ville always slept in. Thinking it must be karma, he just accepted this. Crawling under the covers, he hugged the pillow and, as his eyes became heavy, he inhaled deeply, imagining he could smell Ville’s hair. Maybe he could. Nobody was allowed to sleep in this room when he had friends over – which happened a lot – but they would have to sleep somewhere else but in here. Just as he had while dozing on the plane, he dreamed of Ville. Sensational hot, filthy sex with Ville that had him whimpering in his sleep.
“You okay, honey?” he heard a voice ask, and confused, Bam opened his eyes.
Slowly, his brain offered him vision and he realised Ape was sitting next to him. “Ape?” His voice was gruff and he wasn’t quite sure where he was. Then everything came back to him. He was home once more.
“You’re back early. Missy told me,” Ape said, her cool hand resting against Bam’s stubbled cheek.
“Yeah, Ville was coming down with the flu, and wasn’t really well enough for me to stick around,” Bam dished out as fast as his sleepy brain delivered a perfect explanation.
“Orv, that’s too bad. But there’ll be a next time,” Ape smiled.
Bam just nodded. I haven’t got a fucking idea if there’ll ever be a next time, but there was no way he could tell her that. “What time is it?” he asked instead, and kicked the sheets off his legs.
“It’s 6AM. You sure you’re okay? Missy thought you seemed down when you came home.”
“I had jet lag for Christ sakes!” Bam exclaimed, rolling his eyes. “Sorry if I’m not bouncing off the walls!”
Ape got up and nodded. “All right. But she’s your wife. And wives never stop worrying,” she added with a smile.
Bam just nodded again and waited until she had left. Closing his eyes, he yawned and decided to take a shower. He’d slept decently and, considering the pressure he was under, he felt fairly okay. That was until he met Missy downstairs. She looked wearily at him. Frowning, he sat next to her and asked, “What’s happening?”
As Missy shrugged while pouring sugar in her coffee mug, Bam could tell she was turning words around in her head.
“Spill it.”
“You didn’t sleep in our bed,” she said.
“Is that it?” Bam asked.
“I wouldn’t have disturbed you, Bam.”
“Hey, I know. Sorry,” Bam said and forced a smile on his face, kissing her lips. “I was just so tired I chose the first and best room to crash.”
“I understand,” Missy said, and the smile actually reached her eyes. Bam exhaled in relief. So far so good.
“Maybe you’re coming down with whatever Ville’s having?” she suddenly suggested.
Bam’s head practically jerked in her direction. “Could be. I don’t feel so cool.”
“You’re usually distracted, Bam,” Missy laughed. “But you’re more distracted than usual.”
“Well, it was disappointing that I had to leave again so soon. I’d barely arrived.”
Missy repeated what Ape had said, that there would soon be another opportunity to visit Ville or his friend would come to West Chester. Bam smiled helplessly not knowing what to say; they would be hollow words anyway.
The days seemed to just float by. Bam felt he was alienating himself from Missy. They lived under the same roof, they talked, they even fucked, but Bam wasn’t really participating with his heart and of course, Missy sensed that.
Bam didn’t know how to stop that or if he wanted to anymore. All he really thought about was if he could call Ville and talk to the man. Ape had even asked him if he had any news that Ville was getting better, and Bam lied and said that yes, he was past whatever he’d caught. That Bam didn’t seem better nobody asked him about, even though it should be obvious how down Bam truly was.
One night he couldn’t get it up for Missy. Everything in his entire being just yearned for Ville and Missy just didn’t cut it anymore. He was a little shocked how fast it had happened. Missy assured him it was okay and that there was nothing to worry about. Bam thought that she had a fucking lot to worry about when her husband didn’t find her a turn on anymore.
To Bam’s relief, they stopped having sex altogether, when Missy gladly suggested they’d 'take a break'. If Bam was a little stressed at the moment, a bit of impotence was perfectly understandable, and they’d just do some heavy petting instead... That was until she caught him masturbating in the shower. Her understanding demeanour changed to suspicion and Bam couldn’t blame her. He was cheating on her every single second of the day, because Ville was everything he thought about. Ville was the single thing that kept him going and staying sane.
The same night the couple sat next to each other in bed. Bam pretended to watch TV and Missy did her nails. The tension was thick between them and Bam decided to turn off the TV and just get some sleep. “Good night,” he said.
“Bam...” Missy said, hesitatingly. “Is there someone else? Are you seeing another woman? Is that why you can’t have sex with me?”
“No,” Bam said, relieved to be telling the truth - on that account anyway...”There’s no one else,” he said quietly.
“Then why...” Missy began.
“I don’t know, Missy. It’ll pass. I’m sorry,” Bam said, and closed his eyes.
His wife sat staring at his back for some time before she, too, lay down to sleep. Bam knew she wasn’t convinced, and beginning to fuck her again wouldn’t exactly change her suspicion.
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And Missy was afraid. She felt her territory violated and was convinced that Bam was seeing another woman. He’d been acting so strange lately, and the non-sex thing was freaking her out even though she pretended she was okay with their arrangement. Then she caught Bam masturbating, so obviously, there was nothing wrong with his cock – just around her, he was impotent. If she couldn’t satisfy her man... Missy was freaking out all right.
“Does she satisfy you?” she asked.
Bam grunted next to her and turned to face her. “What?!”
“Does she satisfy you better than me? Is that it?”
“Missy... there’s no other woman,” Bam said tiredly.
“Fuck,” Missy said and a sob escaped her throat. Getting out of bed, it was her turn to seek another bedroom.
Lying in the bed all alone, she put a trembling hand to her mouth. This was terrible. If it wasn’t another woman, what could she do? Was Bam just tired of her? Slowly, she got out of bed and went down the hall, down the staircase, and wandered through the empty house. Everywhere she went the same face greeted her. Her husband had another guy’s face dominating his walls like fucking wall paper. Missy sighed. Her face should have been dominating these walls – not some Gothic singer from God’s backyard. She loved Ville, of course she did. He was one of the sweetest men on earth compared to the rest of their CKY acquaintances. Studying the Finnish man on these posters Bam had framed and put up everywhere, she wondered what exactly happened between them when Bam went visiting a few weeks ago. It had become clear to her that Bam had started acting weird when he came back from Finland. The source to her misery was to be found there, but Bam was worse than a clamshell these days and they hardly talked – least about ‘that’.
Maybe Bam had met someone in Finland? Another woman? Maybe he was cheating on her with Manna. Or Luiisa, or Vedrana or Natalia! Her mind was on over drive now, but the HIM wives were all very beautiful and right now, her self-esteem was below zero. Thank god, Ville wasn’t involved with a girlfriend, too. Chuckling, Missy imagined Ville being a girl. At least she could count him out – although he did have a nice set of hips and his waist was smaller than Missy’s... Bam’d measured them both once. Sighing, Missy sat down on the couch in the living room.
“This isn’t going to go away...” she whispered. Slowly, she got on her feet and went back upstairs. Finding Bam still lying in their bed, she went to him. “You have to choose between us.”
Sitting up Bam looked at her. “I told you. There isn’t another woman.”
“There is someone,” Missy said, accusingly. “It’s bullshit denying it, Bam.”
Rubbing his eyes, Bam looked at her. “So if I just fucking conjure some bitch, you’d be satisfied, because then ‘you were right all along?’”
Missy gritted her teeth. “Give me your best shot, Bam.”
“Fine. I’m cheating on you with Ville.” His eyes bulged, and he looked just as shocked about the outburst as Missy did.
“You’re serious,” she whispered.
“Fuck no,” Bam replied hoarsely. “Why would I wanna fuck his haggard ass?”
“How long have you fucked him?” she asked, feeling her throat becoming as dry as the Sahara Desert, while waiting for Bam to acknowledge his statement.
“It was just once,” Bam finally confessed after what seemed like ages.
“Was it consensual?” she asked.
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
“Did he force you?” she asked, fearing the worst. Maybe Ville had raped Bam. The Finn was far stronger than he appeared now he was sober again. That could be a plausible reason why Bam couldn’t handle having sex, but she could hear herself grasping at straws as she already imagined therapy, pressing charges against Ville, the press having a field day – hell a field year...
Bam looked away. “No. He didn’t force anything. He never forced me. I’m the one pining for his haggard ass. Ville didn’t initiate a goddamn thing. I was fucking Ville’s ass.”
“Did you force him?” she asked as her last hope shattered.
“N-not exactly.”
“Huh,” she breathed out in despair. “So this is it? Ville puts out and gives you what you want, so you don’t need me anymore?”
“No. I don’t have Ville at all. I’m in between not having any of you right now.”
“But you want him, right?” Missy asked, hearing how shrill her voice sounded. Watching Bam close his eyes, she could hardly stand the tension anymore. “Right?”
Opening his eyes, Bam looked directly at her. Then he nodded. “I’ve been wanting him for seven years, Missy. I’ve been acting like a lovesick puppy around him since the day I met him. But wanting him... All it ever took was a fucking picture in a glossy magazine.”
“We’ve known each other since childhood. Why did you even bother marrying me, if you wanted Ville all along?” she asked.
“I didn’t have Ville when we married,” Bam said quietly.
“So I was second best? Because you could have had me any time you wanted. I fucking waited for you all my life, Bam!” Missy screamed, tears were running down her cheeks now, preparing herself for the next blow.
“No, Missy,” Bam said and he actually looked confused. “I love you, Missy. I married you out of love. I wanted us to have children.” Bam began to crawl out of bed, but he didn’t go to her. He began to dress.
“And now you don’t want kids? Bam? We talked about this. What changed that, damnit?” Missy asked, and quickly went to stand in front of her husband.
“Sorry. I need to go for a drive.”
“We can still have those kids,” Missy tried, desperately grabbing for her husband’s arm.
“Are you crazy? You never make babies to try patch something that isn’t there anymore.” Bam shook her hands off him, as she tried to keep him still. “I gotta go.”
“Bam?” Missy cried, “We can still...”
Turning, Bam looked at her. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’m so sorry. I can’t do this anymore. I love you, but I’m not in love with you.”
Missy covered her face, staggered backwards to the bed, and fell into it; her world finally crushing down around her. Some time went by as she lay staring up at the ceiling. Her thoughts tumbled in her head in an insane mumble jumble. Hours could have passed, she had no idea.
“Ville Valo...” she whispered, finally. Rationally, she had a pretty good idea that this wasn’t initiated by the Finn. She honestly couldn’t feel any hatred towards Ville, but she focused on that thought anyway. Ville was unintentionally luring Bam away from her any which way you looked at it. Bam was never really interested in her – he hid it well, because she never caught on to that before it was too late. He’d wanted Ville from day one. Back from when she couldn’t have made any difference because Bam had been with Jenn. So Bam denied that Missy was just his second choice. Bam was a pussy. But she never analysed the magnetism between them. Bam flirted with everybody. Ville had the benefit of being a novelty when they met back in 2000, but it never really changed. Bam was always over excited whenever they got together. She thought it was cute – even when Ville flirted back. Ville flirted with anyone, too – even Missy felt the attraction. Ville made anybody feel flattered by his attention.
Turning her head, Missy looked at the Finnish singer adorning one of the walls. Slowly, she got up and went to have a closer look. This poster was rare. One of a kind because Bam had taken the shot himself under the video shoot of ‘Buried Alive By Love’, and had the poster made for him only. Not many had been in this room to see it, and she understood why. Ville was stunning, sexually provocative, because he couldn’t help not being that. In spite of the signals it sent to its viewer, Missy had always thought it was ‘just’ a good picture. Ville was never shy on posing for Bam and he posed for all it was worth on this one: loose pants riding dangerously low on the edge of his pubic line, the way his fists were buried in his back pockets - showing off the tattoo he shared with Bam. His green eyes were pure sin under the black beanie. Missy knew he was bold in his sexuality... one could tell by looking at the bulge in front of Ville’s pants that he was far from concerned by it and only added to his ‘come hither’ attitude. Now she knew that Bam must have been turned on by this picture and desiring Ville when he looked at it. When they had sex... this was her husband’s motivation right in her own fucking bedroom.
“Stupid Missy,” she whispered to herself. Why had she never caught the connection when Ville was plastered all over the walls in the house? Grabbing her phone, she dialled the Finnish man. She didn’t care what time it was in Helsinki.
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Aroused from a dream, Ville fumbled blindly for his phone before he managed to punch the right button. "Moikka," he murmured.
"Ville?" a female voice reached him, and his sleepy brain couldn't hear who it belonged to, but then he realised the American accent.
Missy? "Missy? Is that you?" he asked, apprehensively, already having a strong feeling what the conversation would be about.
“Is it true?” her voice croaked in his ear. Holding the phone a little bit further away, he expected an outburst that would hurt his tender eardrum, but all he got was a groan.
Carefully pressing the phone back to his ear, Ville asked, “Is what true, Missy?” He knew perfectly well, what she meant, but he wanted her to tell him so he could pick the right answer.
“Did you let Bam f... have sex with you?” she asked, her voice trembling.
“What did Bam tell you?” Ville asked, feeling his heart rate rising and hands start shaking with adrenaline.
“Did you?” Missy asked, her voice getting agitated.
“We had sex,” he said calmly. No way was he going to lie to her but, on the other hand, he wasn’t going to create a situation for Bam either where he wouldn’t be able to handle himself.
“When did you fuck?” Missy asked.
“It’s not your business. Bam made the decision to fuck me - he told you about it, I trust,” Ville said. He knew it was cruel, but discussing his affair with Missy when she was building up to a hysteric level was not wise, and he honestly didn’t think it was his job to make her feel better. He was just as guilty as Bam and always had been due to the times in the past he had cheated on his own girlfriends for various reasons - Missy wasn’t going to find understanding or answers from him.
“But you wanted him to fuck your ass?” Missy shot back.
Another call was coming in, and Ville saw it was Bam.
“We’re not having this conversation, Missy. You’ll have to talk to Bam. Bye,” Ville said. Taking a deep breath, Ville felt his lungs had tightened slightly from the stressful talk. The feeling continued and there was no way escaping it. Connecting Bam’s call, he quickly said, “One sec, Bammie. Fuck...” He grabbed his inhaler from the nightstand, took a deep breath, and counted. Closing his eyes, he told himself to calm down. Bam would have to deal with breaking up with Missy; it would never be Ville’s problem. Taking a second puff, Ville finally felt his lungs expanding freely and it became easier to take a breath. What a fucked up way to wake up.
“Ville? Are you there?” he heard Bam’s voice on the phone he’d left on the top of the duvet.
“Sorry, sweetheart,” Ville said, after he picked up the phone. “It was Missy. She left me a little breathless.”
“Missy called you?”
A little pause occurred between the two men and Ville could hear Bam’s heavy breaths. “She had some pretty direct questions.”
“What did she want?”
“My side of the story I guess, but I didn’t tell her anything besides the obvious.”
“Which is?” Bam asked sharply.
“Relax, Bammie. I told her that we had fucked, but when she wanted details, I said no thank you.” Another pause emerged and Ville sighed. “What happened, Bam?”
“She caught on to me when we stopped having sex.”
“You stopped?” Ville said, completely caught by surprise and a huge smile spread on his lips. “You did?” he asked again, and slowly he put a lock of hair behind his ear as goose bumps erupted over his naked arms and chest.
“I can hear that smile all the way over here, dude.”
“Likewise,” Ville said and the pause that occurred then was one of quiet smiles and a mutual understanding what Bam’s words meant. “You made your decision then?” Ville dared asking.
“Yeah. I made my decision.”
“Will I like it?” Ville asked in a seductive whisper, his baritone voice coming through the phone to Bam like molten honey.
"I don't think it's possible for me to live with Missy again when you're all I think about."
It was sweet music to Ville’s ear. “Well, you’ve been a lot on my mind, too.”
“What have you been up to?” Bam asked.
“Oooh,” Ville said as his eyes searched for his cigarettes. Picking one out, he lit the smoke and relaxed against the headboard. “Did a few gigs here and there. Couldn’t wait for you to come and rescue me from my prison of emotional agony,” Ville smirked.
Bam chuckled in the other end of the line and Ville’s soft smile stayed.
“I’m going to make that movie. ‘Santa’s Gone Fucking Missing.’ I still want you in it.”
“Is that your working title? You got me any way you want, BamBam,” Ville drawled in American.
Bam exhaled in a shudder. “You talk like that on purpose, you Finnish cunt!” They both grinned like naughty kids. “Anyway, I figured that if Santa lives in Finland, I might as well film it with you guys in it - for authentic accuracy.”
“I’m not dressing up like Santa, Bam,” Ville said, hardly able to contain his mirth.
“Awww, but you’re so hot looking in red, Willa. So fucking hot. We’d give you a special low riding outfit. Fuck, I miss you,” Bam choked suddenly.
Ville frowned. Not good. “Where are you, Bam?”
“I’m in the Hummer, dude.”
“Where are you going?” Ville asked.
“I dunno, Willa,” Bam cried.
“Stop the car and move over, Bam,” Ville ordered. “I don’t need you in a car accident, okay?” He got out of bed and stood undecidedly.
“Okay,” Bam said, and Ville sighed with relief when he heard the engine shut off.
“Where are you, Bam?” Ville asked.
“I just left the house. I didn’t have a plan...”
“Damnit, Bam. Where are you? Still in West Chester?” Ville asked agitatedly, pulsing energetically on his fag.
“No. I’m… hell, I’m on my way to the airport. I feel like shit, Ville. I feel so fucking guilty.”
“Of course you do, darling. People divorce all the time for all kinds of reason. They grow apart; they beat up their spouse or cheat the fuck out of one another. What ever. You get over the hurt and you move on.”
“It’s just...she thinks you took me from her.”
“I took nothing that didn’t want to be taken, Bam,” Ville said.
Bam exhaled in another shudder and cried for a while, sniffling every five seconds.
“I’m sorry you feel like crap, Bammie,” Ville said quietly.
“Yeah…” Bam replied after a few moments. “I feel so fucked up right now. But I can’t stay with her just... to make her happy. It’s not right for any of us. It’s so fucked up that’s what it is.”
“What are you going to do? Get a flight or?” Ville asked, biting his lower lip as he waited for Bam to make up his mind.
“I’ll get a hotel room first and… tomorrow I’ll hopefully think more clearly.”
“And come back to me,” Ville said. He wasn’t going to make Bam’s decisions for him, but Bam was confused and scared. Obviously, he wasn’t going to be living with Missy, so he might as well fly back to Helsinki and be with him.
“Yeah,” Bam whimpered like a child and patiently, Ville listened to his sobs.
“Go and get a hotel room,” Ville finally said. This other thing was undignified for his proud and softhearted Bam.
"Okay. I'll book a flight and… and then I'll come."
"What a mess," Ville whispered and went to stub out his cigarette. "You sure you want to be with me?"
"Fuck yeah," Bam's passionate whisper reached him, and it was Ville's turn to feel the pull of his heartstrings. "I need you, Ville. I can't even think about… then I feel like suffocating."
A deep exhale came over the tall Finn, as he stood naked in his bedroom. Turning slightly towards the window, he saw the sun rising in the horizon and his eyes filled with tears. "Minä rakastan sinua," he whispered.
"Fuck…" was all that Bam was able to say and shortly after, he disconnected.
Ville chuckled a little and pressed a kiss to the phone before he folded it and put it on the table next his bed. Sitting down, he put his hands on his small knees. Looking down on his hands, he sighed. "Well, I said it. And I fucking mean it." Rubbing the bony roundness in slow motions, his thoughts drifted for a few moments before he got back up. He was wide-awake and the fact it was still quite early couldn't really be helped. Nothing left really but to wait for Bam to return.
Raking his fingers through his hair, Ville went to the basement and turned on the sauna. He was so thrilled about his dry sauna, which was the main thing he had installed when he bought the Tower. Granted, it did take him to get sober to have it actually ordered, but now he had it, he loved it. He couldn't wait to share it with Bam once he got back. Hot and sweaty they'd lie on the wooden benches riling each other up on what they were going to do to each other when they came out from the sauna again.
When the sauna was ready forty-five minutes later, Ville took a glass of water to bring with him and went downstairs once more. Heat greeted him when he stepped into the hexagon shaped cubicle, and he set the clock for fifteen minutes. Then he took off his rings and put on a washcloth because the metal would get hot from the heat and that was a painful experience. Lastly, he took a few towels from the towel rack at the wall to lie on and for wiping off later before choosing a bench. Bending his knees, his foot soles slid back towards his ass, and an arm came to rest over his eyes. Thoughts drifted for a while as he lay enjoying the warmth. Drowsiness came over him after a few minutes and he dreamed he was asleep in his bed.
The alarm interrupted him, and gradually he woke up, rising to a sitting position. Yawning, he looked straight forward with a dazed expression on his face until he finally found the energy to cut off the noise. Then he grabbed the extra towel to wipe off his sweaty body. "Fuck," he murmured at how hot he was feeling now, and a shower sounded heavenly. Turning off the sauna, he grabbed his rings and ascended the stairs heading for the bathroom, but before that, he checked for messages. There were none from Bam, so Ville assumed the American was in fact sleeping in some hotel right now before his flight.
Lighting a cigarette, Ville took a few drags before stubbing it out in the ashtray, and went to have his shower.
"Bam is coming back," he whispered, sticking his arm into the stall to mix the temperature. Drops sprinkled onto his skin and, with a sigh, he stepped under the water. A lazy smile spread over his lips. "Bam is coming." Ville wiped water out of his hair as he pressed the curly locks away from his face. Mouth open, he could feel his body was charged with sexual energy and his hands quickly found his cock. Moaning slightly, he began to work the flesh that firmed up in his experienced hand. Grabbing the soap, he added the substance and everything became smooth and soft.
"Bam," he whispered, seeing the American skater in his third eye. His fist moved faster, sliding slickly and effortlessly over his erection. "Fuck me, darling," he whimpered with a silly smile of happiness on his face.
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Chapter Text
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Other people called him during the day, and Ville was on the verge of asking them to hang up in case Bam tried to call him.
He didn’t.
2AM in the morning, Ville dialled Bam with shaking hands. When he got his voicemail, Ville was out of his mind with worry. “Where the fuck are you?” he asked in the receiver, but Bam didn’t pick up. Ville snapped his phone shut and sat staring out into space on top of his bed. Covering his face with his palms, he took a deep breath. He’d used his inhaler three times within the last twelve hours, so he thought it would be safest to simply go to sleep now and get through the night without any more breathing incidents.
Lying on his back, Ville kept staring ahead of him. His gut was so wound up he couldn’t relax. All kinds of worst-case scenarios kept playing before his third eye. An hour later, Ville was at peace with the fact that he might have to face Bam in a coffin the next time he saw him. Somehow, it made the angst easier to bear. Why he had gotten himself so hysterical, Ville didn’t know. He just couldn’t stand not knowing. Obviously. With a sigh, he felt his jumbled thoughts take him deeper, and sleep gradually took over his exhausted body.
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“What?” he asked grumpily.
“It-it’s me, Ville.”
Ville could have screamed in relief. "Where are you?"
"I'm... I'm back in West Chester."
"What?" Ville asked quietly, shocked by the sheer implications of what that could mean.
"Yeah...”
"But sweetheart, I thought you'd be on a plane eons ago. On your way to come home to me," Ville said.
"Well... I guess I wasn’t ready yet."
“You're not ready?" Ville whispered, not mentally capable to understand how the gate to his happiness had been shut right in his face. “You don’t want me… us?”
“I can hardly hear you, Ville…”
“I hear you just fine, Brandon. You just dumped me. That came through quite clearly.”
“I can’t hear you, Ville. There is this weird echo on the line,” Bam’s voice said.
Ville looked at his phone in disbelief. Who the fuck cared if there was an echo! “Bam, listen to me. You...”
“Can’t you hear that, Ville?” Bam’s voice sounded so clearly. Ville swallowed with difficulty. He could hear Bam so fucking clearly and the fucker couldn’t hear him back.
“Bam... I can’t...” Ville bit his lip hard a few seconds to control his emotions. It was breaking his fucking heart that Bam couldn’t commit after the syrupy bullshit he poured into Ville’s willing ears when the American said he’d break up with Missy. He fucking believed his declarations of love. “Why?” Ville murmured. He’d do anything he could in his power to make Bam regret his indecision, but if he couldn’t even hear what Ville said… Suddenly, he heard the echo, too. When Bam was trying to get Ville’s attention, he thought he heard Bam’s voice twice. Once over the phone and once as a weird echo coming prior to the voice over the phone. “Hello? Bam?”
“I’m right here,” Bam said. Ville looked at the phone. The words didn’t come from the receiver. Where the fuck did it come from? Confused, he turned around and screamed in shock like a spooked child when he saw the skater stand in the door, closing his phone and putting it in his hoodie pocket.
In two strides, Ville reached him and pulled Bam into a tight hug. “Don’t ever do that again. You fucking broke my heart,” Ville choked out.
Bam smiled a little. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m a Jackass. I couldn’t resist.”
“Do you have any idea what you put me through the last 24 hours?” Ville asked as he let go of him and closed his own phone.
Bam smiled a little sheepishly. “I forgot to recharge my phone, and then I figured I’d better get my ass on a plane instead of a hotel. So I booked a plane and landed in Belgium. Getting a flight from there to Finland took a while, but here I am.”
Ville stared at him as a smile slowly replaced his look of worry. “So you’ve flown around the world since our last phone call just to be with me?”
“Yeah. The faster the better.”
Ville giggled and Bam giggled along. “You’re crazy, BamBam.”
“This is where you kiss me and forgive me, Ville,” Bam said as his lips curled in a smirk.
“I don’t hear any violins, Brandon,” Ville smirked back.
“Doesn’t make it less romantic, sweetheart,” Bam answered before he closed his eyes and felt the love of his life kiss his breath away.
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Notes:
Thanks for reading :)