Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was time. She couldn’t wait any longer to face it.

Of course she’d been before.

She’d seen it.

She would never forget it.

There were only two images in her life that she could never leave behind. They were burned into the backs of her eyelids.

Her daughter’s face…

And the soil that was laid over her coffin.

Without her, everything felt wrong. Even grieving her daughter felt wrong.

She still had her husband and her... other child. She grieved with them, but somehow it never ceased. Her husband threw himself into work. Her son looked shattered, but he picked himself back up.

She wasn’t sure that she knew how to be a mother to only one child again.

It was time to visit her daughter.

o~O~o

Her husband was at work. Her son was at school. She was tramping through a graveyard, taking care not to step on any graves. It had never occurred to her that for every tombstone and plaque, there was a person gone, and a family grieving - not in this way. It’s one thing to know and another to know.

That almost sent her on her way back, but she held her conviction.

As she neared Riley’s grave, she saw a figure kneeling there. A blonde girl, laying flowers and weeping.

Topanga wasn’t quite sure what to make of that, but she kept going.

When she got there, she stayed silent, not sure how to make her presence known. The girl still hadn’t moved. Finally she got down next to the girl, kneeling in the soft grass - pantyhose and all.

“You were her friend.” It wasn’t a question, even though it ought have been.

The girl next to her croaked out a feeble “Yeah.” They sat in silence for a few minutes while Topanga wrestled with the urge to put an arm around the blonde girl.

“I hope you don’t mind me asking, but… What is your name?”

A bitter smile flickered across the girl’s face as she whispered, “Maya.”

Maya laid a card against the tombstone, alongside the flowers, before rising to her feet. “It was nice to meet you, considering…”

Topanga nodded and looked back to the granite stone detailing the length of her daughter’s life before picking up the card laid against it.

There was a rose on the front, and it was bound with a black ribbon. She felt bad about taking it off, but… Riley was never going to be able to open it anyway.

Inside, in elegant script, were the words:

“You were the love of my life.
I will never forget you.
My honey.“

She felt a sharp throb in her chest, coming to terms with what it all meant.

Her daughter.

That girl.

Riley and Maya.

She should have seen it.

Topanga turned to see that Maya was 50 feet away and walking further. She looked like she was running from something… running from her.

She set the card down against the headstone again, noticing for the first time that the illustration on the front was hand drawn. Before she could stop herself, she was walking, jogging, running toward Maya. They needed to talk.

Maya must have heard her coming, because she sped up.

Finally, she got closer, 10 feet away, and started yelling, begging for her to stop. “Maya, please, slow down!”

She froze in her tracks before slowly turning around. Her face was pale as she whispered, “I can explain…”

Topanga walked the rest of the way before enveloping the hesitant girl into a hug. “You don’t have to.”

Maya slowly brought her arms up around Topanga, relaxing into the hug. “I,” Maya stuttered out, not quite able to say what she meant.

She pulled back to look at the girl in her arms. “You were more than her friend.”

“Yes.”

A tear made its way down her face. “I’m glad that she had someone that loved her.” Her own crying seemed to trigger something in Maya, and suddenly the floodgates were open.

“I - I still do,” Maya said through a sob.

Topanga’s hand tightened on Maya’s shoulder. “And for that, I am so sorry. Did anyone know?”

Maya shrugged. “Just Farkle. Lucas. Zay. We were going to tell my mom.”

“Oh, so you know…” So that’s what Lucas had been to her. She and Cory had always wondered if there was something there. She supposed there was - just not what they’d assumed.

Maya nodded. “We were important to each other. We knew the important people. The only reason that I never met you was… She was afraid. I suppose I was, too.”

Topanga felt a sudden rush of guilt. She’d never known… even if she had… They’d never spoken that often about people who… people who were like her daughter. It wasn’t that they were prejudiced, but they had never thought to bring it up. She shuddered to think that she was the reason her daughter was afraid to bring her girlfriend home.

She was her mother.

She should have known.

She should have done good.

Cory deserved to know too. “Do you have an hour or two? I want you to meet someone.”

Maya stared at her apprehensively. “I suppose. I’ll need to call my mom first.”

She nodded easily, trying not to think about how her own daughter would never do that again - that wasn’t what was important now. “If you like, you could stay longer. I was hoping you could stay for dinner.”

Maya let a small smile slip onto her face before whispering, “I think that’d be nice.”

Chapter Text

Maya trailed closely behind Topanga, but she couldn’t quite bring herself to walk by her side. It wasn’t that she disliked the woman, but she didn’t know her in the slightest, apart from what Riley had told of her.

Topanga Matthews, a woman who stood up for the things that she believed in.

Topanga Matthews, defender of the voiceless.

Topanga Matthews, warrior for the common good.

She also knew the things that Riley could never bring herself to say aloud.

Topanga Matthews, the flawless.

Topanga Matthews, the unapproachable hero.

Topanga Matthews, the woman who never told her daughter that it was more than alright to love the person she loved, regardless of gender or class.

So she didn’t have the best pre-first impression. That wasn’t her damn fault.

o~O~o

She tried to get in touch with her mother along the walk, but couldn’t bring herself to. She sent off a text, but didn’t bother with a call. Her mother was busy, she knew that. She could respect that.

The closer they got to the Matthews residence, the faster the memories flitted through her mind. Oh, that she could make them stop. Oh, that they would never end…

Staring up from the street, wanting.

The pain in her heart when she feared Riley wouldn’t even consider her.

Watching, hoping against hope that she was happy.

Losing her mind, staring across the cafeteria.

Knowing that it would never come back when Riley smiled back at her.

The joy that she felt when Riley said yes.

Holding Riley’s hand and walking her home.

Climbing up the fire escape.

Stopping by her window.

Finding mistletoe hanging over the window.

Stealing more kisses than she could count.

Holding back more than she could say.

The look in Riley’s eyes when she returned Maya’s gaze.

The smile on her lips when she failed to send Maya away.

The love in Riley’s voice when she asked her to stay.

The feeling of being held in her arms.

Knowing that her love wanted more too.

Losing her…

It was almost more than she could bear.

Rather than causing her to falter, the surge of emotions in Maya steeled her resolve to give the Matthews a piece of her mind. To say… what needed to be said, whatever that was.

Walking into Riley’s building through the front door for the first time dredged up a few less than positive feelings about the secret nature of their relationship. She deserved… They had deserved better than that.

Maybe if… Maybe it wouldn’t have always been that way. If things had been different… Well, that was a big if.

o~O~o

She climbed the stairs after Topanga, noticing a weary feeling in her legs that she’d neglected recently. At least it was a feeling that she didn’t have to work through.

As they approached the apartment, Maya stared at the large wooden door, seeing it as more of a barrier to keep things in than the entrance to a loving home. Topanga had no such qualms as she easily slid the key into the
deadbolt, making a solid thunking sound as she turned it. The door swung open with ease, but Maya felt no more welcome than before.

She peered apprehensively into the apartment, rather shocked to find it much more warm and inviting than she’d always assumed.

Maya ambled in, scanning the living room for anything offensive, finding nothing more than a place that looked loved, if a bit lavishly decorated.

Topanga turned to her and gestured to the couch. “Make yourself at home, I’m about to start on dinner. Cory’s out running an errand, but Auggie should be here soon.”

Maya nodded a bit numbly, recognizing the names, recalling story after story - all stories of love.

She plopped herself down on the couch trying to occupy her mind before she could find something to brood over, finally settling on pulling out a well worn, dog eared copy of Emma, one that Riley had lent her a long time ago.

She got a bit lost in the book, not really registering the clanks and rattles that were happening in the kitchen. She’d read the book so many times that it didn’t really require her attention, but it was nice to get lost in something other than one of her feelings. A soft gasp brought her out of her reverie, and she looked to see Topanga’s eyes locked onto the book in her hands.

“That’s my… Riley’s… I love that book.” She seemed at a loss for words, her mouth starting to resemble a fish. Maya stifled a giggle at that, sobering at the thought that the book in her hands might not have always belonged to Riley.

Maya closed the book and held it up to Topanga, more than a touch unwillingly. “I’m sorry, she said… I didn’t know it was yours.”

Topanga’s eyes went wide and she shook her head. “Oh, it’s not, I’m just a bit surprised. My mother gave me that book when I was your age. I gave it to Riley the first time she asked why love stories didn’t make sense. I thought maybe it would help.”

Maya flushed, remembering that she’d had similar thoughts about the book, how she’d connected to it more than any fairytale or romance novel. Topanga was making herself difficult to hate.
Before she could come up with a response, a small child - no, two - burst in the door.

“Topy, I need you to settle an argument for us,” the little blonde girl yelled - well, it wasn’t quite a yell, more of a statement… through a megaphone.

Topanga held a hand to her chest in mock surprise. “You, needing to be right? How unlike you…”

The little girl shrugged and threw a look back over at the boy. “I just like it when other people tell him I’m right too.”

“Good to see you’re turning over a new leaf,” Topanga chuckled.

“Any time.” For the first time, the girl noticed Maya sitting on the couch, watching the interaction with a combination of confusion and amusement. She marched right over and leaned in to look Maya in the eye, demanding, “Who are you?”

She smiled to herself before straightening her back, not wanting to back down from the girl’s air of importance. “I’m Maya. I’m a friend of Riley’s.”

The girl shrugged and walked over to the kitchen, seeming to lose interest, but the boy stayed and furrowed his brow at her. “Maya?”

She nodded.

“I know about you.”

Her heart softened a bit at that. At least Riley hadn’t entirely kept her a secret. “Auggie?”

He nodded, a bit hopefully.

She felt her eyes water. “I know about you, too,” she muttered before pulling the boy into her arms in a strong embrace. He struggled for a moment before sinking into her hold, seeming to need the hug as much or more than she did. Little arms tightened around her neck as curls brushed her face. The feeling was all too familiar, but… new. Holding in tears was no longer an option. Only this.