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They were ten years old and someone had just beaten Zay up for being a word he didn't even know. When he got home from school he asked his mother what it meant.
"Well, Isaiah, honey, it's a very mean word for boys who like other boys." Zay's mother tried to gently explain it.
"Of course I like other boys! Almost all my friends are boys. I don't know why I had to get punched for it!" Zay exclaimed.
"No, not like that, honey. Boys who want to kiss other boys." His mother specified.
"Oh. Is that bad?" Zay asked.
"I don't think so but a lot of other people do."
"Oh. Can I go over to Lucas's?"
"Sure, just be back by five."
Zay walked down the street to his best friend's house and thought about what his mom had said. Surely kissing boys wasn't that bad. Zay had wanted to do it a couple of times and he didn't think he was bad. He got to Lucas' house and had to stop him from immediately running off to find who had left the bruises on his face.
"Zay, who did this? It was those Carlson kids, wasn't it? They haven't left you alone all week!" Lucas was angry and Zay wouldn't have stopped him from running off except he was thinking about things bigger than the Carlson brothers.
"Can we talk? I wanna ask you something?" Zay said. After a moment's hesitation Lucas decided not to go after the Carlsons just yet and went and sat down on his bed with Zay instead.
"What's up?" Lucas asked.
"Do you ever think about kissing boys?" Zay asked and suddenly Lucas was up and closing his bedroom door and putting a finger against his lips.
"Don't talk about that so loud! My dad could get home any minute!" Lucas whispered.
"Is your dad one of the people who think that's bad?" Zay asked.
"He definitely doesn't like homos." Lucas said, looking down at his feet.
"Lucas?"
"I think I'm one." Lucas whispered even more quietly than before.
"One what?" Zay asked.
"A homo. Like what dad talks about. I wanna kiss boys." Lucas admitted to his best friend.
"I don't think that's a bad thing." Zay said and Lucas scoffed.
"You're one of the few." Lucas said.
"I wanna kiss boys too. Just some of them though. I like a lot of girls too." Zay told Lucas.
"Can you do that? Like both?" Lucas asked.
"Well, I do, so obviously it's not impossible." Zay said.
"Maybe I could like both. Then all I'd have to do is meet a girl and date her and then I wouldn't think about boys anymore. I'd be with her and my dad would never have to know about me liking boys." Lucas didn't look too happy about his plan.
"Have you ever liked a girl though?" Zay asked.
"No, but I'm sure somewhere there's a girl who I could like." Lucas replied.
"What about the boys you already like?" Zay asked.
"It doesn't matter, it's not like they like me back." Lucas shrugged.
"What if you were one of the boys I wanted to kiss?" Lucas thought about it for a second.
"You wouldn't tell anyone about this?" He asked.
"'Course not." Zay said.
"Then maybe I wanna kiss you too." Lucas told him.
"Maybe we should try it." Zay suggested. Lucas nodded and after a minute of hesitation, leaned in and pressed his lips against Zay's. Zay felt a spark and really couldn't understand why anyone would think feeling like that could be a bad thing.
"So?" Lucas asked.
"I liked it. A lot." Zay said.
"Me too." Lucas smiled at him but the smile only lasted for a moment before he looked upset.
"Wait, what is it?" Zay asked, concerned.
"I was hoping I wouldn't like it. I was hoping it would be worse than when Shelly Torres kissed me last summer. I didn't want it to be better." Lucas admitted.
"Maybe it isn't the boy thing. Maybe I'm just a great kisser." Zay suggested, half trying to make his best friend laugh, half completely serious. He succeeded in making Lucas chuckle.
"Maybe." Lucas repeated, smiling.
"Do you think we could do it again?" Zay asked, hopeful.
"Some other time. I don't know how soon my dad's getting home." Lucas said.
"Yeah, okay." Zay was disappointed but he understood.
"Come on, let's go find the Carlson brothers. They're gonna learn what happens when you mess with my friend." Lucas got up and Zay followed him out of the house, but he still really wasn't thinking about the Carlsons. He was thinking about what he now knew about himself.
Zay knew he was a boy who liked other boys. He knew he was a boy who liked kissing other boys. He knew he was pretty okay with that, even if Lucas wasn't really.