Archive of Our Own ^beta

Jeongguk’s looking up at the ceiling, the mattress underneath him altogether too hot , and honestly, he would much rather the drink in his hand be water, but water doesn’t distract you from anything. Liquor does - oh, it does - so he can hold off on water. Besides, he doesn’t want to be the only one here sober. After all, Taehyung and Jimin have graduated, and that calls for celebration, right?

So that’s what he tells himself, deciding that he’s being a killjoy keeping himself holed up in Jimin’s room while there’s a party going on downstairs. He had escaped under the rouse of using the bathroom, but he’s been gone for fifteen minutes. The others will notice soon. He sits up, the room already starting to have the slightest bit of a spin, but that doesn’t stop him from lifting his red solo cup back up to his lips. Jimin does a good job at mixing his drinks, he’ll admit, because he knows there’s more alcohol in there than he’s tasting, and he’s grateful.

It sucks, he thinks as he carefully makes his way back down the stairs, being the youngest in his group of friends. He has several acquaintances in his own grade, it would be impossible not to, but they’re not Yoongi or Hoseok or any of the other boys. And Jeongguk knows that it’s not the end of the world - far from it - but he supposes that he’s trying to focus more on the fact that he’s going to be alone rather than face the fact that he actually has to get his shit together to get into a decent university. That thought is sobering and he’s immediately pushing it away. God, he’s so lost and has no idea what to do now that he isn’t going to see Jimin and Taehyung every day. Not like they had the same classes or anything, but it was still reassuring knowing that he could find them if he really needed them.

Yeah , he decides. It sucks.

Taehyung is the first to spot him once he resurfaces, throwing an arm around his shoulder and pulling him back into the mass of people. Jimin had told them that it was a graduation party for all of the seniors, and honestly, it kind of was, but it was also a last hoorah for especially for Jimin and Taehyung, kissing their high school years goodbye in the form of getting as wasted and stoned as possible.

Jeongguk can already smell the alcohol on Taehyung’s breath, and wow , Taehyung is gone . His relaxed face and easy-to-smile attitude is enough to tell Jeongguk that, because he hasn’t even said anything, but Taehyung hasn’t stopped giggling. His breathy laughs and bloodshot eyes are enough to tell Jeongguk that he’s been smoking as well.

“Jeongguk-ah,” he whispers intimately, loud enough for the younger to hear it, but his words drowning out in the music for anyone else. Taehyung’s hands slide down Jeongguk’s chest to grip at his hips, pulling them flush against each other. “Are you going to miss hyung?”

He’s joking, but there’s still a teasing note to his voice. He can tell that Taehyung’s aroused by the stiffness in his jeans.

“Miss you?” he asks as if he’s never even thought of it. “Why would I miss you?”

He smiles, knocking their foreheads together, and Jeongguk is almost glad it’s dark so that their faces aren’t decipherable. It’s not like the two of them had been keeping their relationship a secret, but it wasn’t something that either of them liked to draw attention to. It had gotten to a point where the bruises on Jeongguk’s hips and neck were becoming a hot topic, all the others clapping Hoseok on the back in jest, but Taehyung wore a knowing smile each time it was brought up. Though he took in it good humor, Hoseok wasn’t stupid.

“Fucking someone else, Jeonggukkie?” Hoseok had asked the boy one evening as he went to suck on his jaw, eyeing the deep purple marks suspiciously. It was a light question, somewhere between a joke and a real inquiry, but Jeongguk only laughed in response. Hoseok apparently wanted a real answer, sitting up and looking at him expectantly. The light portion of the atmosphere disappeared.

Jeongguk made an indignant face, confused. “Why would it matter?”

“I was just asking,” Hoseok said defensively. “Jesus.”

Then, Seokjin had walked in on Taehyung and Jeongguk kissing a month ago. Taehyung had been smart on his feet, easily explaining that he had only been gunning smoke to the younger. Seokjin had looked skeptical, but the haze surrounding the room was too obvious to ignore, and he had taken the excuse easily enough. They had started to be careful since then, but when they found a spare moment to be together, the intensity had grown by a tenfold.

Jeongguk told himself that it was just the thrill of being caught that caused his heart to race every time he looked at Taehyung now. He looked forward to the way that he would wink at him when no one was looking, slide his hand along his thigh when they were sitting on the same side of the table, or throw his arm around his shoulder when they sat together on Namjoon’s couch under the pretense of normal skinship, but the light tracing of a fingertip on Jeongguk’s neck told him otherwise. It started to get out of control after they first fucked, and Jeongguk often woke up in a cold sweat at the memory of Taehyung hugging him from behind, kissing lazily up the column of his neck, helping him put his clothes back on with tender hands.

But it was the thrill of none of their friends knowing, he told himself as Taehyung’s lips ghosted across his, nothing more. It’s the thrill, he thinks, as his eyes strain to make out the features of the other boy’s face. His heart feels like it’s going to explode when the older boy’s mouth presses into his temple before they break away. They’ve risked being too close for too long out in the open, but he still doesn’t want to put distance between them. If it’s just the thrill, why does his heart feel like it’s in his throat?

Jeongguk swallows it down, forcing it back into its rightful place as he clears his throat as Taehyung is grabbing his wrist and dragging him towards a back room where Jimin is taking Jell-O shots and shirtless.

“Aish, Jimin, clothe yourself,” Jeongguk says, mocking horror as he covers his eyes.

Hoseok’s sitting in the corner, nursing his own drink, and he cracks a smile at the comment. That says a lot, as he’s been very distant from Jeongguk unless he has sex on his mind.

“Why would you say that to me?” Jimin asks, and he’s laughing all too loudly. “My feelings could be delicate!”

Jeongguk only rolls his eyes as a retort, knowing good and well that Jimin works hard for his sculpted stomach and chiseled jaw and nothing anyone says towards him could put a dent in his confidence.

“Come here, Jeonggukie, come take a shot,” Jimin is then saying, reaching forward to grasp at the boy’s forearm.

He shoots Taehyung a panicked look, but he’s only smiling at the situation, and by then Jimin has pushed a small plastic cup into his hands. An invitingly blue liquid looks up at him, Jimin watching him with expectant eyes.

Jeongguk decides fuck it , because if everyone else is celebrating, shouldn’t he be, too? He downs it, but the taste of the Jell-O does absolutely nothing to mask the vodka in it. But he’s not letting that bother him as he’s reaching for another plastic container, this one green, but it certainly doesn’t taste green.

Jimin makes him his designated party-buddy for the night, pulling him into the crowd and not letting Jeongguk be still for any amount of time. He’s never been so loud and animated, and as Jimin keeps making Jell-O shots appear out of nowhere, he keeps taking them down. He’s dancing, screaming, laughing, and everything is spinning, but it’s so lovely because occasionally Taehyung is in his line of sight, and he’s so beautiful that it makes Jeongguk’s head hurt. He’s pretty sure that he makes Taehyung do a girl group dance with him, and he doesn’t even know if he knows the song, but he dances along with it anyway, most of the moves made up as opposed to the real choreography.

He finds Yoongi and Seokjin sitting in a back room, smoke curling at the light fixtures and crawling down several feet from the open door into the hallway. He thinks they talk, but then he’s smoking, too, and he definitely is falling against the walls now when he walks. It’s so hot, but he can’t find it in himself to be mad, because that, too, is something enjoyable. Jimin finds him again and he’s joking and dancing wildly for another half-hour, his vision starting to go blurry at the edges. Then it’s not Jimin, but it is some guy in Jimin’s year he thinks, and Jeongguk decides that he’ll do, because he’s standing on Jimin’s ottoman and pulling the other boy up by his hands enthusiastically because this song is the best and he has to dance with him. Though, to be fair, Jeongguk is more leaning against the guy’s chest, struggling to stand on his own two feet, than actually dancing. But the guy doesn’t seem to mind, and right now, neither does Jeongguk.

He leans back, laughing, but his foot slips. The guy reaches out for him, but Jeongguk passes out before he even touches the floor.

When he comes to, the sun is just coming up over the horizon. His vision is blurry and his head is aching dully at the low light, eyes wanting to close again. He lifts his head, which is hard to do at the moment, but he does so, looking around the room and realizing that he’s in one of Jimin’s guest bedrooms. The linen feels hard beneath him, cold from not being used, and the air is almost stagnant. He wants to stand up, tries to, but his movements are restricted by his shirt that is halfway off of him for some reason. He doesn’t seem to have vomited on himself, though, so he pulls it back on over his head. He shuffles towards the door, knowing that it is altogether too early to be awake, but his throat is dry and his eyes can barely produce enough wetness for him to blink without his eyelids sticking together.

The door is silent as it opens, and despite the chaos that ensued the night before, the top floor is relatively untouched. There’s a jacket on the ground, but Jeongguk is pretty sure that it’s Yoongi’s.He treads down the steps carefully, his joints stiff and difficult, and downstairs is an absolute nightmare. While no one is passed out on Jimin’s couch, floor, or any other area, there are oddly placed solo cups on the floor, and he thinks that someone had been trying to play beer pong, which is weird, because playing it on the floor kinda defeats the pong part.

He’s grabbing a glass and filling it with water from the refrigerator when he hears someone walk in behind him. He looks up to see Hoseok. A part of him starts, but he seems particularly vulnerable right now. He looks a tad worse for wear, hair disheveled and his face showing that what sleep he got was fitful.

“Rough night?” Jeongguk asks him, taking a heavy drink of water. He wants to moan at the feel of it.

“Speak for yourself,” Hoseok said back, grabbing orange juice out of the refrigerator to drink straight from the carton. Jeongguk’s nose wrinkles in distaste. “Don’t look at me like that.”

“You’re drinking straight out of the carton - why shouldn’t I look at you like this?”

“Because I saw an awful lot of embarrassing things that you did last night, Jeonggukkie, and if you’re mean to me, I won’t tell you about them. Suppose I’ll just have to let Namjoon-hyung bring them up randomly as we grow old, each a new memory to embarrass you with.” He raises his eyebrows as he talks, and Jeongguk’s stomach sinks.

“God,” he groans, realizing exactly how spotty the night was for him after Jimin kept feeding him shots. “Don’t torture me like that.”

“I’m just kidding,” he smiles smally, putting the juice back in its place and shutting the fridge door. “You only did a few embarrassing things.”
Hoseok’s eyes meet his and Jeongguk realizes how tired Hoseok really looks. Out of natural concern for his friend, he reaches out to smooth down his hair.

“Did you sleep any last night?” He asks.

He shakes his head, and Jeongguk drops his arm in favor of drinking more water. “Not really. Jimin kept it going until around five before kicking everyone out, and I had a raging headache by then. Made it difficult to fall asleep.”

“Mm,” he hums in acknowledgment.

They’re looking at each other evenly, and Hoseok reaches forward to toy at Jeongguk’s fingers, tying them loosely together. He feels a little hope in his chest that maybe Hoseok doesn’t hate him after all.

“Why have you been so distant from me lately?” he asks, and he knows it’s not something that Hoseok wanted to talk about the second it’s out of his mouth.

“What?” Hoseok looks at him, eyebrows furrowing in confusion, but it’s fake, it’s all fake, and Jeongguk knows this.

“It seems like you don’t notice me recently unless you want sex,” he points out, and Hoseok’s hands are slipping from his. He lets them fall.

“That’s not true, Jeonggukkie,” he smiles, tapping his finger against the younger boy’s cheek. “I’ve just been a bit preoccupied lately.”

Preoccupied with what, he doesn’t say, because then he’s leaving Jeongguk alone in the kitchen with more questions than answers. Frustrated, he finishes his glass of water before going back upstairs to sleep a bit more.

When he wakes up again, there’s more activity in the house. Jimin is still yet to be seen, though, but Jeongguk isn’t surprised. The clock says it’s just past noon, and Jimin was a late sleeper even when he hadn’t been drunk the night before. He would be out for a few more hours at the least.

Seokjin and Hoseok are already in the beginning stages of cleanup, and Jeongguk easily falls in with them. It’s a routine by now, and they feel it’s the least they can do. Besides, between the six of them (Jimin is never awake to help clean), it gets done quicker, anyways. They’re used to Taehyung creating more mess than he cleans up, and Yoongi curses at him like he always does. Namjoon makes sharp comments at the both of them in order to create a fragile peace, but the harsh words don’t affect either of them. Namjoon’s always ill when he has a hangover; they all are.

Taehyung and Yoongi make breakfast for them when they finish, proving that they aren’t truly annoyed with each other, but it only takes five minutes for them to break out in some kind of sarcastic banter, which leaves Taehyung with a flour handprint on his ass, running back into the living room and pressing sexual assault charges on Yoongi.

“Don't try to throw flour on me next time, then!” is Yoongi’s irritable response, but from the way that Taehyung is moping around on the floor, Jeongguk could almost be convinced that he'd been maimed.

Yoongi manages to pull off pancakes pretty well, and Seokjin makes a comment saying so when Yoongi told them it was ready. To make sure that they didn’'t get used to it, Yoongi made a point of serving himself before allowing anyone else to have any.

They were halfway through their breakfast when Jimin made his appearance, much earlier than any of them would have expected. Though the others didn't look anything close to fantastic, Jimin had to take the cake.

“What is it?” Namjoon asked lowly, leaning closer to Seokjin.

“I can't say for sure,” he responded, his voice equally quiet, “but I think it's human.”

“Oh, fuck off, the both of you,” Jimin groaned, pressing his palms into his eyes. “It's so early.”

“For you,” Yoongi snorted. “It's one thirty.”

“It's earlier than I thought, then,” he said, but he sluggishly made his way towards the pile of pancakes anyway. “Some party though, huh?”

“The best,” Taehyung agreed, mouth stuffed with food, smiling altogether too wide. “It was seriously legendary, Jiminnie. You've left a legacy in your wake.”

“One that shall never be broken,” he smiled.

“Amen to that.” Taehyung’s eyes then flickered towards Jeongguk. “How about you, Jeongguk? Did you have fun last night?”

He blinked at the attention being turned on him, looking up. “I think so,” he admitted. “I mean, I can't really remember.”

The boys all snickered at his response. He frowned.

“Oh, man, what did I do?”

“Nothing, Jeongukkie,” Namjoon crooned. “You're just such an energetic drunk. You had Taehyung dancing to girl groups with you. Went out with a bang, too.”

“Oh, God, you really did,” Yoongi agreed. “We thought you were going to bust your head open when you fell, but luckily the people on the floor were enough of a cushion. But, I mean, Taehyung really should have caught you.” He shot the other a look, and Taehyung looked indignant.

“Hey! I didn't know he was going to fall! I tried to catch him!” He sputtered. “You saw me, right, Jeongguk?”

“What?” He laughed, shaking his head. “I don't remember any of that.”

“On the ottoman, before you fell.”

“I wasn't dancing with you, Taehyung! It was some other guy in your grade, I'm positive.”

“Oh, is that why you were being so handsy with him?” Seokjin asked, seeming to understand. “God, that explains so much. You were all over him, Jeongguk, really, grabbing at his hair and borderline grinding against him and - “

“Shut up!” Jeongguk begged. “Please, spare me, Seokjin-hyung, I beg you.”

“And talking about how pretty Taehyung was, as well,” Hoseok commented, eyes still focused on his food.

“What was it? Oh, yeah,” Seokjin is laughing now, obviously amused at the redness on Jeongguk’s face. “‘He's so pretty it makes my chest hurt,’ I think it was.”

“Wow, Jeongguk,” Taehyung is snickering, leaning back in his chair. “I never knew you were such a romantic.”

“Neither did I,” he says, his hands covering his face. He feels eyes on him, and he looks through his fingers to meet Hoseok’s gaze. It's not harsh, not quite, but there's some sort of feeling there that makes Jeongguk’s embarrassment melt away into guilt. Then the older breaks the contact, and Namjoon is laughing at another comment that Seokjin has made. Jeongguk is sure it was something at his expense, but he barely has the sense to blush at it.

A week later, Jeongguk is walking home from meeting Yoongi and Jimin for a late lunch when a car rolls up beside him. It's Hoseok’s, he instantly recognizes it, and the window slides down.

“Hey, you need a ride?” He asks, a smile quirked on his lips. The sky had been darkening for the past few minutes now and Jeongguk knows that I was going to rain any moment, so he nods, slipping into the passenger seat before even thinking about it.

“You headed home?” He asks, pulling away from the curb.

“Yeah,” he responds. “Thanks, hyung, I really appreciate it.”

“Not a problem,” he smiles.

The ride is silent for the most part, but it only takes a few minutes to reach Jeongguk’s house, anyway. Once there, Hoseok pulls into the drive behind his dad’s truck. Jeongguk unbuckles his seatbelt, but fiddles nervously. Why is there so much tension? Hoseok is one of his closest friends; there was no need for him to feel like he was walking on eggshells.

“Do you wanna come in? Hang out for a bit?” He offers, and he's scared that Hoseok will decline.

“That'd be great,” he says instead, cutting the engine.

They're stepping through the door when the rain decides to fall, hitting the roof with such an intensity that it's sounds like a dull roar.

Hoseok looks around the empty living room and kitchen. “Where's your dad? Wasn't that his truck?”

“Yeah,” Jeongguk nods, kicking off his shoes. “He started carpooling to work with his coworkers, and today wasn't his day to drive. He won't be home until later tonight. They're having workshops at the firm all this week, and he hasn't been home before nine once.”

“Alright,” Hoseok grins, picking something out of his pocket to flash it at Jeongguk. It's green. “Because…”

Jeongguk flushes, smile forming at his own lips. “Cool.”

It doesn't take long for them to get comfortable in Jeongguk’s room, Hoseok spread out over his bed on his back, Jeongguk sitting on the mattress as well, but his back supported by the wall. Hoseok’s got the blunt hanging out of his mouth, lazily inhaling before pulling it away. He passes it to Jeongguk, meeting the boy’s eyes as he blows the smoke out of his mouth. There's a strong haze in the room, and it feels altogether way too hot. The windows are fogged up with condensation from the rain, and the dull roar of it now is hypnotizing.

Jeongguk pulls smoke into his lungs, holding it, watching as Hoseok decides that he's not satisfied with just watching the younger boy anymore. He takes the blunt from his hands, taking a short hit before laying it back on Jeongguk’s nightstand. His movements are liquid, smooth and without hesitation.

Then he's leaning forward, their breath mingling. He's on his knees, hovering above Jeongguk, and the younger boy has to tilt his head up in order to see him correctly. Hoseok’s hand is curving around the side of his cheek, his mouth coming down against Jeongguk’s.

Hoseok’s mouth is familiar, and they quickly fall into their routine. Hoseok isn't biting, not yet, simply kissing Jeongguk slowly until the younger boy loops his fingers through Hoseok’s belt loops, pulling him closer. The intensity instantly picks up, Hoseok curving his back to lean down and plant wet kisses along Jeongguk’s jaw. Jeongguk is leaning into them, desperate for the action, and he's altogether too eager for this, but he hasn't been fucked since before graduation. He can't help being so sensitive to the attention, whimpering when Hoseok’s hand slides down his abdomen to cup his groin. His hips buck into it.

“You're already so hard,” Hoseok comments, sounding like he wants to laugh. He applies more pressure, and Jeongguk wants to keen.

“Don't tease,” he says weakly, eyes fluttering in his attempt to keep them open.

He chuckles, deftly unbuttoning his jeans and pulling them down around his thighs. Then comes Jeongguk’s underwear along with them. Hoseok’s hand doesn't waste time, grasping Jeongguk’s cock surely in his grip. His palm is warm, the precome smearing everywhere as Hoseok starts to pump his hand, and Jeongguk moans.

Hoseok’s mouth is back to distracting him, kissing him relentlessly. Jeongguk’s fingers are curling into the older boy’s shirt around his shoulders, his hips wanting to buck up, but everytime he tries, Hoseok’s other hand simply holds him down. He whines, the pleasure starting to bubble in his gut. He really wants to cum.

“Hoseok-hyung,” he pants into the his mouth.

“Tell me, Jeonggukkie, talk to me,” he murmurs back. His eyes are glazed over, drinking in Jeongguk’s appearance.

“Wanna cum,” he manages, desperate now. Trying to gain more brownie points, he presses his lips against Hoseok’s again, but he's too far gone to properly kiss him.

That doesn't stop Hoseok from tracing his tongue against his bottom lip, Jeongguk’s mouth complying, opening up. Hoseok’s hand around his dick tightens, providing such delicious sensations, the feeling shooting down into Jeongguk’s knees. His dick twitches, and Hoseok knows he is dangerously close, but he doesn't care.

Jeongguk is whining now, completely giving up on trying to kiss him anymore, and instead leaning his head against the wall. His throat is exposed, clean of all marks except for the faint red ones that Hoseok has just left. The sight pleases Hoseok, causing him to jerk him off quicker, massaging circles into his hip with his thumb.

“ Fuck ,” Jeongguk curses, arching up into Hoseok as he spills all over his hand.

Hoseok smiles, pumping him through his orgasm until Jeongguk is shrouding away from sensitivity. Then he's kissing him again, but it's slower, more sated, and Hoseok knows just how pliant Jeongguk can be once he's had a good orgasm.

“Tell me, Jeonggukie,” he says into his ear, hands massaging his sides. “Can Taehyung make you feel that good?”

Jeongguk’s grip on his shoulders falters, sliding down to the front of his chest. “What?”

“Can he?” He repeats. “You can tell me. I won't tell him.”

“Hoseok, what the fuck?” He's pushing at his chest, wanting to get away from him now.

“Come on, Jeonggukkie,” he simpers, “just tell me I'm better.” The heat of his body is suddenly making Jeongguk sick to his stomach, causing him to almost sober up completely. But he can't deny that his reactions are still a little slow, his pushes a little weak.

“Get off of me!” He shoves him hard, finally breaking his grip.

Hoseok is thrown backwards, landing on his back on the mattress and just barely managing to stay on the bed. His eyes are wide, but then they narrow.

“What? Uncomfortable talking about it?”

Jeongguk is scrambling to his feet now, pulling up his jeans and ignoring the drying cum on his stomach. He just wants to put as much space between them as possible.

“You have no idea what you're talking about,” Jeongguk says to him.

“Don't I? You're fucking him, too, huh?” Hoseok accuses, sitting up straighter. “Don't try to deny it.”

“What makes you think that?”

“I don't think it. I know it. He's always fucking looking at you, you know? Always watching you. And graduation night, watching you with him, I knew. He's the one that's been marking you up, hasn't he? Just fucking say it, Jeongguk, admit it.”

“You know what, Hoseok? Yeah, I'm fucking Taehyung, but it's none of your goddamn business.” He's on the verge of yelling, but he's far too angry to care. Hoseok needed to stay out of his business. What he did was none of his concern. “You're acting as if you have a right to be upset or something, and the last time I checked? You're not my fucking boyfriend, so quit acting like it.”

“What, do you like him or something? Want to be with him? Think he really cares about you, Jeongguk?” Hoseok's tone turns cold. “God, you're so young and naïve. You don't even know how he works. He's done this before; he will play with you, and then, he will drop you.”

“You're lying,” Jeongguk spits. Hoseok’s expression is even, his gaze steady, and there's the smallest bit of malice in his eyes. Taehyung wasn't that type of person, was he? Tears burn at the corners of Jeongguk’s eyes. “You're just trying to confuse me.”

“Confuse you? Oh, no, he's already done that for me, thanks. He's going to fuck you over, Jeongguk, don't you worry about that.” He shakes his head, bitterness clouding his features. “Not like it matters.”

“And what the fuck’s that supposed to mean?” Jeongguk’s emotional range is everywhere by now. Hoseok’s been an absolute dick to him lately, treating him like he’s not even there unless he wants sex. Now he’s talking to him, was even showing him decency, was treating him like a friend , but he has the nerve to talk down to him as if he’s stupid.

Hoseok only shakes his head, getting to his feet. He makes his way towards the door. This only enrages Jeongguk more.

“You’ve got a lot of fuckin’ nerve,” he hisses, tears blinding him now, but he can see the older boy hesitate. “Gonna block me out? Again? Guess I should be used to it by now. You act like I’m so clueless about everything, but you’ve hardly talked to me for weeks. Then you act like I should know what’s going on - but I can’t fucking do that when you don’t tell me anything! ”

“Watch it,” Hoseok tells him, “I’m still your hyung.”

“Don’t pull that card because you’re all out of options, hyung ,” he says, his voice mockingly sweet. “Don’t be upset because I don’t return your precious feelings.”

He sees Hoseok’s fist tighten. He wants to smile.

“Yeah, that’s it, isn’t it?” Jeongguk taunts. “I knew it had to be.”

“You don’t know anything.”

“How can I?! You don't treat me like a human being anymore! I’m nothing but something to fuck to you! Remember how we’re friends? That ring a bell? I don’t think you’re supposed to ignore your friends. That’s not what friends do, hyung.”

“Jesus Christ, Jeongguk, I didn’t want to be just your friend!” He exclaims, now turning back to face the boy. “I’d been trying for months - months - for you to fucking take me seriously when you’re not high, but apparently that wasn’t happening! God, I wanted you to be mine so bad, but you were so unbothered by every advance I made!”

“Well, sorry, I don’t take you brushing back my hair as an advance when you’ve - oh, I don’t know - fucked me.” He knows he’s being harsh, and he feels bad, but Hoseok is being unreasonable. He doesn’t actually expect Jeongguk to think he’s the victim in this, does he? After he’s been so distant? “You should have told me if it was such a big deal.”

“That’s the thing, Jeongguk: I was going to. But then you started fucking around with Taehyung. I’d been trying for months to get your attention, but it didn’t matter. Suddenly it was like he’s the only one that’s in the room when he’s around. I didn’t want to think it was him screwing you - you two had always been close - but then Seokjin-hyung told me about the kissing, and I saw enough at Jimin’s party.” Hoseok’s voice is quieter now, but anger is still boiling beneath the surface. “He’s not the perfect person he’s made you think he is, Jeongguk. I wasn’t lying when I said he would fuck you over. Because he will, eventually. I wouldn’t lie to you about that.”

Jeongguk looks away from him now, not knowing how he’s supposed to console Hoseok. He knows what would make him feel better - Jeongguk telling him that Taehyung means nothing, that he really wants to be with Hoseok - but this isn’t a drama and neither of them are paid enough for this shit.

He shakes his head, glancing up to meet his eyes. “Taehyung isn't a bad person. Don't make him look bad because you've gotten your feelings hurt.”

Hoseok lets out a bark of a bitter laugh. “You think I'm that petty, Jeongguk? Really?” He closes his eyes, jaw tight. “Just - you know what? Forget it, fuckin’ forget it.”

The elder moves towards the door, but this time Jeongguk makes no move to stop him. He steps to the side in order to create more space between them when he passes. Hoseok notices this, and he hesitates, fingers wrapped loosely around the doorknob. His face turns towards the other boy slightly, but his eyes are still elsewhere.

“Ask him how he feels about you if you don't believe me, but don't be surprised when he throws you away. He doesn't care about you. Don't come crying to me, either, because I'm warning you now to get out. I was half in love with you, but I've learned from my mistake very quickly. I hope you do the same.”

He leaves after that, and Jeongguk slides down the wall, folding his knees into his chest.

He wouldn't admit it, but Hoseok’s warning had burned itself into his brain. Every time he was with his friends now, he would observe Taehyung in an objective view. He would carefully watch the way that he held his phone, the way he would push back his hair, the way he cross his ankles - as if any of this would tell him if Taehyung was the type of person to throw someone away.

It just didn't make sense. Taehyung was a lot of things, but a cold heartbreaker? Hardly. In fact, Jeongguk could remember Taehyung moping for three days when a guy in his calculus class asked him out for Valentine’s Day, and he had said no.

“But he really seemed nice,” Taehyung had said, his face in his hands. “I could have had a nice time with him, I bet. He looked so crushed.”

“No, he didn't,” Jimin spoke up, shooting Taehyung a look. “He took it very well. He accepted your decision with good humor. Really, Taehyung, he’ll live.”

The one thing that did bother Jeongguk, though, was the fact that Taehyung did not seem to notice that he was being distant. When there was a group conversation, he would simply sit on the outskirts, offering an opinion only when it was necessary. Hoseok seemed to be the sole person who noticed a change in Jeongguk’s attitude, and the calculating look he always seemed to wear on his face whenever he looked at the younger nowadays told more than his mouth ever could.

Hoseok was still upset with him, still hurt, but he was determined to hide it. His words were tense when he addressed Jeongguk, but maybe the he was just imagining it. After all, the rest of the group didn't seem to notice. Surely they would pick up on the tension, right? But, they still hadn't seemed to notice the way that Jeongguk was slowly separating himself more and more.

Two weeks from graduation, Jeongguk started to think that Hoseok had been right. All that he and Taehyung had must have been a fling, because Taehyung hadn't sought him out once - but it might have been due to the fact that Jimin’s dealer was going through a dry spell, which meant that they were all going through a dry spell.

“C’mon, Jiminnie, can't you charm some out of him?” Yoongi had asked when they had just run out of weed. “Wear those dark jeans - you know the ones. You could command empires in those.”

“Okay, Yoongi-hyung, let me just go charm him out of weed that he doesn't have,” Jimin had said, smiling at him in a smarting manner.

Yoongi reached across and popped his knee. “Don't be disrespectful. Else you'll end up like Taehyung did when he mocked me in the kitchen.”

“Nah, won't work,” Namjoon had commented, shaking his head. He was laying back on the footrest, staring at the ceiling. “Jimin likes spanking.”

“And how exactly would you know that?” Jimin asked him, raising a skeptical eyebrow. Yoongi, however, was chuckling.

“Have you forgotten that I'm friends with Jooheon? I know exactly how you get as much pot out of him as you do.”

Jimin turned pink, but only shrugged. “Guy’s gotta do what a guy’s gotta do - especially when he has gluttonous friends like you. So, basically, you're welcome.”

Jeongguk’s eyes had been on Taehyung throughout the exchange, but the older boy’s attention had been somewhere between the conversation and his phone. He hadn't been able to see a lot of Taehyung recently, as the boy was looking into colleges and was busying applying to the ones he was interested in. Jeongguk had expected that he would attend the local university with the others - part of the reason the hyungs applied there was to stay together - but Jeongguk knew Taehyung better than that. He just didn't want to think about it, let alone accept it when Taehyung had announced that he wanted to go to Seoul for college, hours away.

Whether he would get accepted or not was still in the air - his acceptance still hadn't come in the mail - but Jeongguk knew he would get in. Taehyung was brilliant, and any college would have been lucky to have him.

He felt a sharp pain in his chest, but Taehyung kept scrolling through his phone, the screen lighting up his profile. He wanted Taehyung to look up, to notice him, to say something, but this was why he was beginning to think that Hoseok was right: Taehyung never seemed to look up anymore. He never seemed to notice him anymore.

There was this pressing anxiety in his throat that he was running out of time. The fall semester for the college would come around in August, and while that was over a month and a half away, Jeongguk couldn't help but feel like the time he spent around Taehyung was limited. He wanted to make the most of it, and he knew that while he continued to let Hoseok fuck with his mind, they would only grow more distant - and then Taehyung would be gone.

But was Hoseok fucking with Jeongguk’s head? He supposed that he should swallow his pride and ask Taehyung what the older had meant when he said that Taehyung fucked people over, but that would mean coming to terms with his feelings… and were there even feelings to talk about in the first place?

Jeongguk’s eyes soaked in the slight smile of Taehyung’s mouth as he read something, and yeah, there were feelings. There were so many feelings.

To: Taehyung

From: Jeongguk

June 7, 18:46

I got some bud, but if I tell any of the others it would be gone by the end of the day. You wanna hang for a bit?

To: Jeongguk

From: Taehyung

June 7, 18:50

You're so thoughtful. I'm on my way

Jeongguk knew that his dad wasn't much too fond of Taehyung. It wasn't that he thought the boy was rude or that he would bring Jeongguk down, but rather, he knew that Taehyung was very… well-known. It was expected that nearly everyone in the city knew Taehyung as his father was a city official and his mother was an elementary school teacher, and at first, Jeongguk’s father encouraged their blossoming friendship. But then he had found a lighter in one of Jeongguk’s jeans’ pockets when he had done laundry, and he immediately thought it was linked to Taehyung.

“He's blazed all the time, isn't he?” He had asked. “No wonder the kid’s so chilled-out. Jesus, Jeongguk, what are you doing with your life?”

Jeongguk’s father wasn't someone that was against the use of marijuana, but he did understand that it was something illegal, and worried for his son in that aspect. So when Taehyung knocked on the door roughly fifteen minutes later, the agonizing call for Jeongguk to make himself known was met with a slightly exasperated expression.

“Hyung, hey,” Jeongguk said, smiling, and Taehyung nodded his head sheepishly. “Come on back.”

He hurriedly made his way past the younger and into his room. Taehyung may have tried to charm Jeongguk’s dad, but he wasn't stupid. He knew that there was the smallest bit of tension there, and it made him uncomfortable. Jeongguk couldn't imagine how it must feel now, considering they had fucked multiple times since the last time his father had seen him.

“How long do you think he’ll be staying?” He asked, his voice lowered so that Taehyung didn't hear. He may not be the biggest fan of the kid, but he still didn't want to be rude.

“A few hours, maybe,” Jeongguk answered vaguely. In all honesty, he wasn't sure. It wasn't uncommon for one of his friends to sleep over after they had gotten baked.

“It's past seven already!” He whispered, looking towards the clock.

“Alright, I don't know,” he conceded. “He might sleep over. I don't know yet. We won't be loud. I promise.”

“He better be gone by the time I get back from work tomorrow, Jeongguk.” His father’s gaze wasn't very severe - he was a very mild-mannered man - but he knew that he wasn't saying it just to hear himself talk, either.

“He will be,” he responded. “Don't worry.”

“God, you and your friends,” his dad murmured, shaking his head and retreating back to his office.

Taehyung was already spread out on his bed when Jeongguk got to his room, closing the door behind him. He rested his forehead against the wood.

“Your old man still kinda hates me, huh?” Taehyung asked, looking a little scandalized. “Can't say it doesn't give me a little thrill.”

The way he wagged his eyebrows let Jeongguk know that he was just poking fun, and the younger rolled his eyes.

“He doesn't hate you, per se, but he certainly doesn't ask for you to come over.” Jeongguk turned to smile at him. “That doesn't make it sound much better, does it?”

“Not at all,” he admitted. “In fact, I think I feel a bit worse about it than I did. I mean, I try so hard to be a good influence on you, and he thinks I'm some kind of delinquent.”

Jeongguk raised an eyebrow. “You were almost arrested last fall.”

“Almost.” He smiles triumphantly, as if he had truly stumped Jeongguk.

The younger boy crosses the room, crouching down to open one of the drawers on his desk, and pulling out a little wooden box that he kept all of his paraphernalia in. Inside, among his collection of paper wraps and more study, flavored wraps for blunts, he pulled out a grinder, where he had already prepared some green. He reached for his small glass pipe.

Taehyung watched in earnest as he loaded the small pipe, smiling. “You still have Bullet?”

“Of course I still have Bullet,” Jeongguk laughed in response. He cast a look over at the other boy. “He still packs as much punch as he did the day I got him, too.”

“Does he really?”

Jeongguk rose, closing the distance between himself and where Taehyung was lounging on his bed, and held out the contraption. “See for yourself, hyung.”

“You're giving me greens? Such a generous host.” Taehyung gave a teasing grin, sitting up on his elbow to accept the pipe and slipping a black lighter from his pocket.

The dull tsch of the lighter sounded, illuminating the older boy’s face in a new light. He inhaled, eyes coming up to meet Jeongguk’s, and he held. An approving sound came from his throat when he breathed out, the smoke settling around them comfortably.

“I've always loved Bullet,” he laughed, taking his second hit.

The bowl was gone in ten minutes, and the two boys were shrouded in a light haze. Taehyung set the now-empty pipe onto Jeongguk’s nightstand, an empty, hollow echo coming from it as it settled, and he laid back down onto his back. His arms folded behind his head. Jeongguk was sitting against the wall near his knees, content to watch the way Taehyung’s full lips were held in a relaxed gape. The boy’s pink tongue flickered across them, and his looked his way.

“Ever think about me, Jeonggukkie?” He asked.

Jeongguk’s eyes blinked slowly, and a dopey grin formed in his face. “What?”

“You ever think about hyung? About how it's going to be when I leave for college?”

“Yeah, sometimes,” he admitted. “I think about how much more peace I'm going to get around here.”

“Yah,” he scolded, nudging at Jeongguk with a knee. “Don't be rude. I'm being honest, here.”

Jeongguk smiles easily, sitting up on his haunches and lifting himself up to straddle the older boy. “I know you're being honest, hyung. But you're not leaving yet, right? Why don't you have some fun while you're still here, huh? Have some fun with me?” His hands run over the planes of Taehyung’s chest, wishing that the fabric of his shirt wasn't in the way. “You haven't been very attentive to me lately, you know? It's been almost two weeks since you've touched me.”

Taehyung’s fingers ghost along the hem of Jeongguk’s top, right at his hips, pads of his fingers just slipping underneath to touch skin. “You are going to miss me then, aren't you? You're going to miss some aspects of me.” He's smirking.

“I will certainly miss some aspects about you, yes,” he almost purrs, loving the way that Taehyung is now pressing his hips down to get the slightest friction. It's always in the chase for Jeongguk, always in the teasing.

“And what aspects would you say you'd miss most, baby?”

Jeongguk stubbornly shakes his head, smiling innocently. “If I told you, it wouldn't be fun for me, though.”

“Don't be difficult with me, sweetheart.”

His grip on Jeongguk’s hips suddenly tightens, and then they're trading places. Taehyung hovers up above the other boy, threading their fingers together in order to pin Jeongguk’s hands beside his head.

Taehyung’s mouth is at his jaw, gingerly kissing along the line of bone before breaking off to trail down his throat. The kisses are barely there, just enough to leave Jeongguk’s skin scorching. He lets out a sound of complaint.

“What? Aren't you going to miss this?” He asks sweetly. Then his teeth graze the tender skin and Jeongguk keens. “I know what you'll miss; you don't have to tell me. In fact, I'm so generous, I'm going to show you exactly what you're going to miss about me, angel, and you're going to remember it for quite some time.”

He's silent for a moment, but then his sharp teeth are sinking into a sensitive place in Jeongguk’s neck. The boy whimpers, but arches into the sensation. A jet of heat rushes in between his hips.

“Oh, yes, I feel like you’re really -” he presses his waist down into the younger, who emits a strangled protest “- gonna remember this.” His breath is directly in Jeongguk’s ear, hot and heavy. Jeongguk fights the urge to shiver, goosebumps wanting to break out along his spine.

Taehyung’s mouth moves to hover over his, Jeongguk’s clouded eyes almost black as they stare back at him. Of course, it’s not as though his are any better; much like the younger’s, though his may be unfocused, they’re glassy, reflecting everything he takes in. Jeongguk can see his own features in the swimming pools. Then their lips are molding together, one of Taehyung’s hands moving to slide down Jeongguk’s side in lieu of keeping him down. Jeongguk doesn’t seem to be trying to fight back, though, as his fingers simply curl into themselves, the older boy’s larger hand coming down to his hips to keep him pinned - and Jeongguk should have known, really, because Taehyung would be damned if he allowed any escape.

Jeongguk breathes a laugh, Taehyung sucking his bottom lip into his wet mouth to have something to press his teeth into. The bite is teasing, nothing overpowering like the bruising mark on his neck, but it serves its purpose. Jeongguk presses further into the older, his mouth desperate for more of Taehyung’s lips, but Taehyung is pulling back. Jeongguk is chasing the feeling, but then the other hand keeping his fingers busy is at his throat, pushing him back into the mattress. He’s not applying any pressure yet, but the loose hold at his throat is more than enough to have Jeongguk nervous. Good nervous. Excited nervous.

“Now, now,” Taehyung murmurs to him, being cruel enough to come back down and let their lips barely touch. “Don’t get greedy.”

“Hyung,” Jeongguk whispers prettily, his eyes fluttering.

But the hand on his hip is suddenly moving inward, making its home on the button of Jeongguk’s jeans. Taehyung isn’t touching him, hasn’t touched him, but is merely rubbing his thumb around the metallic button, the pad of his finger circling around the circumference of it. The ghost sensation echoes down into Jeongguk’s abdomen.

“Don’t tease.” He’s hardly audible, but Taehyung hears him. He merely chuckles in reply, blinking leisurely in their eye contact. He testingly squeezes his hand. Nothing harsh, just a warning.

Then Taehyung’s fingers have found their way underneath the younger boy’s shirt, his thumb, cold from the metal, now clamping down onto his nipple. Jeongguk gasps, immediately arching into the movement, but Taehyung isn’t allowing him to move at all.

“You’re going to miss how I make you take my teasing, babydoll,” he says, sounding almost loving. His thumb and forefinger gingerly roll the bud between themselves, making Jeongguk inhale again. “Almost like I make you take my cock, but you always take it so well, don’t you, baby?”

Jeongguk’s fingers have now found their way onto his face, sliding up to hide beneath his fringe, the heels of his palms resting over his eyes.

“No, none of that,” Taehyung reprimands lightly, grabbing his wrists in one long-fingered hand and pinning them together above his head. He pulls lightly on the nipple, and Jeongguk’s eyes come open to stare at him, cheeks flushed “There you go, princess,” he tells him, “leave your pretty eyes open for me.”

Taehyung’s mouth wraps around the other, neglected nub, his tongue pressing lewdly flat against it as he licks upwards. Jeongguk keens, mouth falling open into a oval. He knows Taehyung told him to leave his eyes open, but his tongue is now circling his nipple, tugging innocently with the edge of his teeth on the tender skin, and he can’t help the way his head tilts into the pillow, eyes closing.

Then the elder’s mouth is pressing feverishly against Jeongguk’s throat, wet, slippery kisses that are hardly kisses at all rousing the boy to open his eyes again. The saliva left from Taehyung’s tongue is cold now, making his nipple harden even further, and he whines at the feeling.

Taehyung sits up, balancing himself on his knees. The hand around Jeongguk’s neck leaves, but he doesn’t have any time to think about that, because there’s a hand at the button of his jeans, expertly undoing them and shucking them down his legs. Jeongguk knows there’s a tent at the front of his underwear, and he thinks that as many times that he and Taehyung had done this, he would  be over the embarrassment, but as soon as Taehyung’s gaze falls upon it, he can feel the heat claw up his throat, his cheeks.

“You’re already so hard for me, Jeongguk,” he says, pressing the palm of his hand against the front of Jeongguk’s boxers. It’s enough pressure for a spot of precum to leak through the fabric. “Oh, you really are going to miss some things about me, aren’t you?”

“Please, just,” Jeongguk can barely muster up a sentence to say, but he thinks he gets the general idea across, for Taehyung’s fingers are now pulling at the hem of his boxers, pulling them down his sculpted thighs and calves to join his jeans at the end of the bed.

His large hand wraps around the length of Jeongguk, slowly starting a rhythm, but it’s enough to sate the younger boy - for now, anyway. Jeongguk’s eyes start to flutter closed again, but a sharp slap against the outside of his thigh is enough to make him blink them open.

“What did hyung tell you?” Taehyung asks, halting almost all motion in his hand. Jeongguk’s eyes widen in peril.

“Hyung, no, don’t -”

“ What did hyung tell you? ” He asks again, the hand on his thigh tightening its grip. The words are still gentle, but there’s a harshness there that Jeongguk knows will only get more severe if he pushes it.

“To keep my eyes o-open,” he says quickly, wanting to melt into the sheets beneath him as Taehyung’s hand immediately resumes its movement.

“That’s right, Jeongguk,” Taehyung almost purrs, “Be a good boy for hyung.”

He nods in response, relishing in how Taehyung knows how to flick his wrist at the right angle to make his vision go a little unfocused, how his thumb traces the edge of his crown.

But then he stops, scooting back a little and leaning over towards Jeongguk’s nightstand. He opens the drawer to find a bottle of lube, grabbing it, and then sitting back in his prior position on his knees. He’s still fully clothed, Jeongguk notices, and he doesn’t like it.

The younger boy sits up, pressing his mouth against Taehyung’s full lips. Taehyung’s tongue comes to trace along Jeongguk’s bottom lip, then his teeth are there, biting down in order to force his mouth open. His quiet, malicious chuckle reaches Jeongguk’s ears, but he doesn’t mind having Taehyung’s tongue in his mouth at all. He’s moaning into it, welcoming it, and he begins to suck on it.

A pleased rumble sounds from Taehyung’s chest, and Jeongguk’s hands push up his shirt, pulling it higher until they have to break away to get it off. But then the back of Jeongguk’s head is being tugged on, the hair at the base of his neck being used as leverage to make him look up at the boy in front of him. He blinks slowly at him, his breathing ragged.

“You’re so filthy for me, aren’t you?” Taehyung asks him, the picture of composure. He leans in closer, brushing their mouths together. “Filthy little boy.”

Jeongguk is shoved away onto his back, landing roughly. He lets out a gasp, but Taehyung’s eyes only gleam in reply. It’s entirely hypnotic how his pupils are blown, how he’s put into a primal state when Jeongguk allows him to throw him around like a plaything.

The pop of the lube cap brings him back into the present, Taehyung warming it between his fingers before he’s tracing around Jeongguk’s hole. He’s teasing him, and Jeongguk is all too aware of it. It almost drives him delirious when he presses in only the pad of his middle finger, just to pull it back out. But Jeongguk keeps himself from begging, because he knows that’s what Taehyung wants, and instead keeps his eyes open and focused on Taehyung’s. He knows that he’s not doing a good job at keeping his pride when Taehyung only smirks in reply.

“Not gonna beg for me, angel? Not gonna ask hyung nicely for what you want?” He sinks his finger down to the first knuckle, and Jeongguk almost thinks he’s won, but then it’s gone. “You were doing so well earlier.”

Almost instinctively, a whine builds at the back of Jeongguk’s throat, but he swallows it.

“Oh, you’re almost there,” Taehyung encourages. “Tell me, Jeongguk. Tell hyung.”

He’s weak, and Taehyung knows it, especially when he leans over Jeongguk to press his lips against the spot underneath his ear, kissing delicately and humming. Oh, does Jeongguk want to beg.

“Baby,” he murmurs, and there’s almost a rasp to it. Fuck . “Hyung wants to fuck you so badly, fuck you so good. Don’t you want me to do that?” Another lingering kiss. “Just tell hyung what you want, tell hyung how badly you want his fingers.”

“P-Please,” he starts, and then he can’t stop. “Hyung, fuck me with your fingers, please - wanna feel them, want y- you .” There’s a sound of approval as the first wet digit sinks into him.

He moans in relief, but Taehyung’s lips swallow it. It’s only seconds before Jeongguk is begging for another.

“M-More, hyung, want more,” he sighs against his mouth. “Please.”

Taehyung indulges him, sliding in a second finger and beginning to scissor him open. The feeling is sublime, one that makes Jeongguk want to roll his eyes in the back of his head, but he knows better, especially when Taehyung is pulling his lips between his teeth in order to leave them a bitten red.

“Can you take another, princess? You’re doing so well.”

Jeongguk nods, and his mouth falls open as Taehyung eases in a third.

“G-God, yeah ,” he pants, hitching his leg up on Taehyung’s slim waist to provide a deeper angle.

“You’re so tight,” he whispers. “Gonna have to really loosen you up, babydoll.”

Jeongguk whimpers at his words, but they go straight to his throbbing cock. He pushes his hips up in time with Taehyung’s fingers, but they’re not enough. He knows what would be enough, but he doubts Taehyung is going to give it to him that easily.

The hand comes back around his throat, thumb coming up to press against Jeongguk’s lips. He obediently opens his mouth, swallowing down Taehyung's finger and giving it kittenish licks. He keeps his eyes open, even as there’s a tightening of the hand at his neck.

It's not harsh, and he can still breathe, but it's enough to make the feeling amplify by a tenfold. He wants to gasp, but he doesn't think he can. It's incredibly erotic, and Taehyung picks this as the right time to brush the pads of his fingers along his neglected prostate.

The combined feelings are all too much, and Jeongguk presses his teeth into Taehyung’s thumb the tiniest bit to release some tension.

The fingers retract, Jeongguk complaining, but then Taehyung is releasing his neck as well and scooting back further to lay on his elbows.

“C’mere,” he says, grabbing for Jeongguk’s thighs and sliding them over his shoulders. “Don’t be shy.”

But Jeongguk can’t help but to be a little timid with this, because Taehyung has never eaten him out - hell, Hoseok had only done it once or twice. He feels entirely exposed like this, but then Taehyung’s tongue is pressing against his rim, and it’s so hot and wet that he wonders why he’s never begged for his mouth to be there. He's not pressing in, only absolutely soaking Jeongguk’s opening with his tongue, but it already had the younger wanting to press into the feeling.

“ Oh, wow,” Jeongguk pants, and he can feel Taehyung smirk.

He feels the older boy’s tongue slip inside easily, but it's so different from his fingers, worlds different. It’s more flexible and it's hot and wet and twisting directly against his prostate .

“ Fuck fuck fuck, ” Jeongguk gasps, his hips pushing against Taehyung’s mouth. It's explosive, the sensation building from Taehyung’s talented tongue, and his head is spinning.

Why hadn't it felt this good when Hoseok had been the one doing it?

He immediately pushes that thought away, his lethargic hands reaching for Taehyung's hair. It's soft between his fingers, and he pulls it on it to show how much he's appreciating how terribly gifted his mouth truly is.

Taehyung hums in reply, his tongue occupied, and the vibration goes straight to the sensitive bundle of nerves inside Jeongguk.

“ Taehyung , oh my god,” he groans, his back arching. His breathing is heavy and his legs have gone to something closer to liquid than flesh and bone. “Yeah, there.”

The tip of his tongue is swirling and pressing and smothering his prostate with attention, driving Jeongguk insane and making his cock throb even more than it was before. He wants to cum, he wants to cum so badly, and he can't think of a better way to do so.

“Wanna cum,” he breathes, “ Ngh , hyung, please.”

He can feel his organs approaching, and with the way Taehyung is relentlessly abusing him with his tongue, he won't last much longer.

“ Please , Taehyung, I -” He chokes as the first spurt of cum splashes onto his stomach. “ Hah, oh my god, shit.”

It takes all he can not to close his eyes and sink into the feeling, but he resists, keeping the steady gaze between them. Taehyung’s eyes almost cloud over at watching Jeongguk unravel on his tongue, but Jeongguk is only just managing to keep himself from screaming. He can't stop quivering at the feeling, beginning to shrink away from Taehyung’s mouth as it becomes too powerful, and even as Taehyung retracts, there are tremors splashing all through Jeongguk’s muscles.

“You've been so good, baby, keeping your eyes open for hyung,” Taehyung praises, his body coming to cage in Jeongguk and kiss him softly. Jeongguk can taste himself, the bitterness, but it's not awful.

“Hyung, please, fuck me,” he mumbles, calmed from his orgasm but still wanting Taehyung sheathed inside of him. “Want your cock.”

Taehyung chuckles, not bothering to push away Jeongguk’s hands as they unfasten his jeans and jerk them down, nor when they shove his underwear out of the way. They're not completely off, only just below Taehyung’s knees, but it's more than enough freedom for Taehyung to fuck him into the mattress.

“ Please ,” he begs softly against Taehyung’s lips, grasping for the elder boy’s member, his lithe fingers curling around the shaft and jerking towards himself.

Taehyung lets out a soft sigh, and Jeongguk almost wants to have him fuck his mouth because of how generous he's been, but he wants to be fucked now .

“Turn over for me, babydoll,” Taehyung says, leaning up so that Jeongguk can move. He obeys, rolling over onto his stomach and getting on all fours, pushing his ass into the air invitingly. Taehyung can't resist the urge to give it a hard slap.

Jeongguk jolts forward, but the sound he allows to slip from his lips lets Taehyung know they've found something else to try out - but another time.

He pulls Jeongguk back towards him by his hips, appreciatively running his palms over the globes of his pert ass. He lets one hand slide up his back, pressing into him to force him to lower in order to raise his backside more. He leniently does so.

“Good boy,” Taehyung tells him, praising him by running soothing circles into the dip of his spine with his thumb. “You've been such a good boy for me, sweetheart, such a good boy.” He leans down to kiss where he's been circling, using his other hand to guide himself to Jeongguk’s eager hole. “Hyung’s gonna reward you, Jeongguk. Do you want your reward?”

Jeongguk nodded, cheek pressed against the bedding. He can feel the head of Taehyung’s dick sliding against his asshole, slippery from the lube, the precome, and the excess of Taehhyung’s saliva.

“I can't hear your head shake, angel. Use your words.”

“Yes, hyung, please let me have my reward.” His voice is turning hoarse, so beautifully hoarse, and Taehyung would want to make him scream and cry if he didn't know they weren't alone in the house.

He spares a glance towards the clock. It's nearing 9:30 - perhaps he could …

Jeongguk’s body doesn't resist at all as he pushes in. It seems to pull him in more, even when he's reached the end. Jeongguk flexes his muscles around him, groaning.

“Feels so nice,” he says, his legs falling further apart. “R-Really fill me up, so full .”

Taehyung testingly thrusts forward, and he sees Jeongguk’s grip on the sheets tighten, his knuckles turning white.

“Missed my cock, huh, baby?” Taehyung teases.

He rocks again, and Jeongguk whines.

“Y-Yeah,” he stutters. “S-So good.”

“God, you've gotten so tight,” Taehyung mutters, his pace becoming steadier as they adjust. “You feel amazing, baby.”

It's something they're familiar with, fucking, but there's something refreshing about it, too, and Jeongguk tries to credit that to the fact they haven't done it in two weeks. (He wouldn't admit that two weeks was more than enough time for him to want to beg Taehyung for his cock.)

It's hot and wet, making the slide between their bodies so incredibly easy and smooth, squelching obscenely ever so slightly. It could be more forceful, if Jeongguk was honest, often was more forceful. He was too acquainted with Taehyung's ability to make him whine out of desperation. Taehyung, however, seemed to be taking his time with him, fucking him with just enough strength to jostle him, but not nearly enough to pin him down in place.

Nonetheless, Jeongguk hears himself moaning wantonly, the sounds breaking off into something high-pitched and needy at each jab of Taehyung’s hips. The amount of time they've spent apart has each prominent vein of Taehyung's cock burning deep into Jeongguk’s insides.

“Still take my cock so well, princess,” he says, his eyes soaking up the view of Jeongguk’s ass swallowing him up without hesitation.

The younger boy has almost gone limp underneath him, barely holding himself up properly, and Taehyung’s hand finds purchase in the boy’s silky hair, roughing him up and it and forcing his chin up with a harsh pull. Jeongguk’s posture is immediately back, the concave curve in his spine almost painful, but it's so pretty to look at. He's always so pretty to look at.

Taehyung is really fucking him open, taking his sweet time in making Jeongguk feel every inch of him. His thrusts are slow, deep, and deliberate, the end of them sparking more force than necessary, but it's enough meanness to let Jeongguk know that Taehyung is being generous with him, entirely so.

“ Hah, Tae- Taehyung, ” he whines, pressing his hips back in order to meet his thrusts. There's a hard pull at his hair, forcing his neck to be exposed, and Taehyung's mouth is all over the skin there. “More, please , more.”

“Not enough for you, baby? Wanna really take my cock like a good boy?”

“Yes, please ,” he whines.

Taehyung releases his hair, pulling out and shoving Jeongguk down so hard that his arms cannot hold him up. Then he's grasping at his upper arms, jerking him over much like a mindless doll onto his back. Jeongguk loves it, loves how ruthless he is with him, loves how he forcefully pulls Jeongguk back towards him by his thighs, hooking them around his waist, before realigning and sliding right back in. It almost feels even better at this position, Taehyung’s pelvis almost relaxed in order to get that perfect angle.

Everything’s too warm, scorching him, but it's so good and Taehyung's mouth is grazing against his, licking his lips open in order to trace the bottom one with his hot tongue. Compared to the barbaric pace he's ramming into Jeongguk’s body, it's almost gentle.

“God, fuck, hyung,” he's pleading into the older’s mouth, “wanna- oh , wanna cum.”

“You're so riled up for hyung, babydoll,” he says sweetly, one of his hands lifting up Jeongguk’s leg higher on his waist. He slides a centimeter deeper, slowly pressing further into him, and the head of Taehyung's shaft feels like it's pressing into his stomach. He's so stretched, so fucked, and he doesn't care . “Look so pretty like this, Jeongguk, always so pretty for hyung.”

Jeongguk preens under the compliment, the heat licking at his skin suddenly feeling entirely liquid - and so does the rest of his body. He doesn't want Taehyung to stop fucking into him, never wants him to stop, and there's a large hand squeezing at his throat now.

Everything suddenly blurs together, and he hears Taehyung rumble out, “Cum for me, angel, come on.”

Then Jeongguk is arching his back, fingers coming to grapple at Taehyung's wrist. The pressure on his throat makes breathing slightly harder, but the small theft of oxygen has him focusing on other things, on how it feels when Taehyung's teeth are sinking into his earlobe and gently pulling, the little growl the older boy lets out.

Combined with the relentless sensation of Taehyung’s cock heavily pressing against Jeongguk’s swollen prostate, swollen head catching on his abused rim, it's altogether more than enough to push him off the edge.

He immediately stiffens at the feeling, body taut and trembling as the first tremors of his second orgasm wrack his body. Then the pleasure is all over him and underneath his skin, pathetic, breathy moaning ripping its way from his mouth. He's being loud - so loud - but it doesn't seem entirely illogical for him to die from pleasure right now.

“Taehyung, f-fuck yeah , p- please .”

“There you go, baby, such a good boy. Hyung’s good little boy,” he murmurs, almost gently kissing underneath his ear, and he slows momentarily so that Jeongguk can truly ride out his pleasure, but then he's picking up the pace to find his own.

Jeongguk’s body still willingly opens up to him, so hot and fucked that it's almost lazy. But it's driving him crazy when it's accompanied by timed whimpers from Jeongguk’s mouth, determined by how hard Taehyung has made his thrusts. Jeongguk can feel the throbbing of Taehyung’s cock, knowing he's close, and wants to moan -

He's suddenly empty as Taehyung pulls out, groaning as he quickly fists himself to orgasm, spilling all over his hand and dropping onto Jeongguk’s softening dick.

At first, he's confused, but upon seeing the cum freely dripping, he understands. Upon reaching into the sheets around him, he finds the flimsily metallic packet.

“You didn't put on a condom,” he breathes, and somehow, it all makes sense - how affected he was by the definition of his cock, how much smoother the slide was, how much rougher and primal it was. Suddenly, he wishes Taehyung hadn't even pulled out.

“Yeah,” he looks guilty. “I forgot in the moment - it was shitty of me.”

“No, no,” Jeongguk shakes his head, his chest feeling entirely too light and warm. “I mean, you're clean, right? You're clean.”

He nods, sitting up straighter. “Yeah. And you? You're… clean.”

He says it uncertainly, and Jeongguk knows why. He still does have the occasional tryst with Hoseok.

“Yeah, yeah, Hoseok - he always uses condoms. There's no one else.”

“Good,” Taehyung murmurs, leaning back down in order to drag his mouth along Jeongguk’s collarbone. The younger isn't sure what's “good” - the fact Hoseok uses condoms or if there's no one else. He pins it to the former. “Now that I know what it feels like, I’d really enjoy fucking you raw again. If you're okay with it.”

Jeongguk wants to smile, but Taehyung’s teeth are nipping at a bruise and it makes him shiver. “Y-Yeah, of course.” He swallows. “I’d like that.”

Taehyung pulls up. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he nods. “And you don't - don't have to pull out if you don't want to.”

A devilish smirk curls at Taehyung's lips. “Oh, you really are such a slut for me, aren't you?”

There's shame burning at Jeongguk’s cheeks, but he doesn't feel ashamed. He turns his head to the side, burying the side of his face into his pillowcase. “Shut up.”

“Aw, baby, you don't really want me to shut up, though, do you?” He asks, pressing his lips back to Jeongguk’s neck again, slowly dragging them down. His tongue flicks across a nipple, making it harden underneath the gesture. Then his tongue is flattening against the firmness of Jeongguk’s abdomen, licking up the still warm cum.

Jeongguk feels his cock twitch in interest, but there's a steady protest of his body. He doesn't actually know if he has the energy to go again. He's fucked out as it is, and the lingering effects of the high make him want to curl up and sleep.

“Taehyung, stop, I can't -” he protests, but as the boy’s hot mouth gets closer to his dick, it hardens even more.

“Can't you? You seem to already be wanting it again.” He pulls Jeongguk’s legs apart even more, kissing along the curves of his thigh. The flesh gives between his lips, making it easy to bite down on.

Jeongguk shrieks hoarsely, but his hips buck in interest.

“Let me worship you, baby,” Taehyung murmurs into his skin. “I've been so neglectful of you -” He kisses the new bite mark. “- and I know you can cum for me one more time.”

The younger boy swallows, leaning his head back and accepting his fate. It doesn't come quickly or mercifully, as Taehyung is licking and kissing and biting his inner thighs until he's whimpering in protest, cock flushed and painfully hard.

“Keep your hands above your head for hyung, okay, sweetheart?”

Jeongguk nods dumbly, his eyes already wanting to loll to the back of his head and drown in the feeing of Taehyung's mouth against him. He already knows there's going to be an abundance of red marks there come morning. He wouldn't be surprised if they've already started forming.

Taehyung stretches his mouth open to swallow down his erection, taking it to the base immediately.

“ Oh ,” he moans, wanting to bury his hands in Taehyung's hair, but knows the consequences of not behaving. In any other circumstance, he would be all for pushing Taehyung to his breaking point, but he's already so fucked out, so sleepy , and wants to just take whatever Taehyung will give him. Take, take, take.

Taehyung has always been too talented with his mouth, his plush lips providing luscious cushion, the inside of his throat all too hot but not hot enough at the same time. His mouth forms a suction as he starts to bob his head, cheeks hollowing obscenely. It goes straight to Jeongguk’s core, the feeling too much for his sensitive body.

He buries his fingers into the mattress above his head, digging in to try and relieve some of the pressure building.

“Oh, fuck, oh,” he gasps, and Taehyung starts swallowing around him each time he reaches the base. “God, Taehyung, love your mouth.”

He chuckles in response, and Jeongguk tenses in response. The vibrations almost had him there, almost had him cumming brazenly down Taehyung’s throat, but then it's gone, and he's panting, unsatisfied and all too wound up.

“Please, don't tease me,” he mewls. “Hyung, wanna cum, please, let me cum.”

Taehyung moans at how submissive he's turned, and the vibrations bring him to the brink once more.

“Oh, God, shit,” he rasps, “please, Tae, don't stop, the vibra - oh! ”

His back arches entirely off the bed as Taehyung has begun to moan endlessly, the feeling crackling straight up his spine and back down again in delicious pleasure. He starts to buck his hips up, but Taehyung has him firmly pinned down with his nimble hands, lithe fingers surely pressing bruises into the skin.

One of Taehyung's thumbs start rubbing circles into his hipbone, their eyes briefly meeting, and then the pleasure overtakes Jeongguk, ripping through his body.

He means to scream, but his voice is so shot that is only comes out as a hoarse imitation of one. He's spilling into Taehyung’s mouth, but he doesn't even hesitate to swallow it all. He holds himself down until Jeongguk is finished, and then he pulls away to lick him clean, making him protest at the rawness.

Taehyung sits back, allowing Jeongguk to slowly stretch and straighten his legs. He watches Taehyung fish his jeans up from around his knees, fastening them. His sex hair is off the charts, likely from when he had his tongue slithering all around inside of Jeongguk, and if Jeongguk had the libido, he would want him all over again. But he's had three orgasms and can't bring himself to even think like that.

“Mm, sleepy,” he mumbles, but he sits up anyway. His shirt is bunched underneath his arms - the only article of clothing he'd had left - and he pulls it off impatiently, throwing it onto the floor. He searched for the bottle of lube and the unused condom, sliding them back into their place as well. He knows his movements are sluggish, but he can't bring himself to move any faster.

“What time is it?” He asks, standing to his feet. He opens up a drawer, rummaging around until he finds a pair of sweats. He slides them on, not bothering to put on underwear.

“Little after ten,” Taehyung responds.

“You can sleep over if you want,” he offers, and for some reason, there's a heavy tension between them. Or maybe there isn't and Jeongguk is imagining things. “It's late, and you live a little ways out.”

“That didn't bother you when you texted me you had weed.” Taehyung doesn't look at him.

“I - uh -”

“Relax, Jeonggukkie, I'm joking.” He can hear the small smile. “Do you want me to stay?”

At first, he doesn't answer, instead picking up his clothes from the floor and putting them in his laundry basket. Then he turns to face Taehyung’s back, fidgeting with his fingers.

“Uh, y-yeah.” It’s quiet, and he almost thinks Taehyung doesn't hear him, but the older boy glimpses at him from over his shoulder, eyes warm.

“Then you just had to say so,” he says, shrugging his jeans back off and kicking them to a neat pile beside Jeongguk’s bed.

Something in his chest relaxes, some of the tension resolved. He wants to fall into the bed beside him without hesitation, it's something he would normally do, but he stops himself.

Taehyung doesn't notice, settling down in his normal spot, the spot beside the nightstand. He looks up towards the younger.

“Why are you just standing there? I thought you were sleepy.” He's grinning softly.

In truth, he is, but there's a strange tightness buzzing in his head, in his chest. He's nervous , and he finds Hoseok’s words spinning in his head.

He shoves them away. Instead, he smiles reassuringly.

“I am,” he says, crawling onto his spot beside the wall. His safe spot, his secure spot, but the bedding feels cold.

Taehyung feels for the knob on the lamp, shrouding the room in darkness with a click , and relaxes, instinctively wrapping his arms around Jeongguk loosely, his chest warm against the younger’s bare back.

There's nothing romantic about this - it's something Taehyung does with all of their friends. He likes physical contact, as he always has. But sometimes Jeongguk wishes it was romantic, wishes he was the only one that Taehyung would hold like this.

“Goodnight,” Jeongguk whispers, but it's dry and it doesn't sound like his voice at all.

“Night, Jeonggukkie,” comes the reply, and it's only a handful of minutes before his breathing has evened out, body lax.

But Jeongguk is wide awake, anticipating something , but that something never comes, and neither does peaceful sleep.

Yoongi is absolutely plastered, and he's pissed , but all things considered, he's holding himself up pretty well.

“Y’know, she's got a lotta nerve to act like I haven't fuckin’ babied her enough, y’know? Askin’ me if she can have more money, then spittin’ in my face when I tell ‘er no.” He shakes his head. “Sucha sorry excuse for a mother, ah? Not like she can even wear that title. It’d be a mockery to all decent mothers, y’know.”

Jeongguk only sips at his beer. It's his second, and he's nowhere near tipsy, but maybe he thinks he should be. He has nowhere to be tomorrow, or the day after that, or the day after that.

Unlike Taehyung, who would be moving to Seoul in three weeks in order to get settled before the semester started.

Yes, he definitely should be drunk.

Three beers later and he's getting there. Should be there, but he'd had a large lunch and suddenly hates his weakness for seafood. Or maybe he is there, because his feet aren't quite moving the way they should be, and it seems like Yoongi’s ranting has died down to a dull roar in his ear.

“Gonna get some air,” he mumbles, but he doesn't think Jimin quite hears him. He nudges his shoulder before repeating himself.

“Whoa, are you okay? How many have you had?” He asks, starting to stand to help. “Here, let me walk you.”

Jeongguk brushes his hands off. “No, no, M’good, hyung, promise.”

The balcony of the apartment building does offer a nice view of the city. The sun’s gone down completely, but there's a glow from the fluorescent city lights.

Beautiful. Who would ever want to leave?

Yoongi and Seokjin split the rent of the apartment, and if it wasn't for Seokjin’s ambitious drive to be a lawyer, they might not be able to afford it. Yoongi pays his fair share, but he doesn't make a lawyer’s paycheck. To be fair, neither does Seokjin, but he's close.

Jeongguk wishes he could live like this, with his friends, and go back to college with them this fall. But he's still stuck in high school, always stuck where he can't follow. The baby.

Not for the first time, he wants to scream about how unfair it is that he's the youngest. Not for the last, either, he already knows.

Jeongguk realizes that his friends have made roots here, and they're not leaving. He’ll still be able to see them after school and hang out, but he won't be able to live every day like this. In another month or so, he’ll have to go back to school while they're sleeping in, write lines of equations while they're making money, securing their future. Being independent.

Independent. That's what Jeongguk wanted to be.

He's not sure why he wants it so badly and why he wants it now. Of course, he always wanted to be on his own, but has been able to stand the wait until he graduates. But now, it seems unbearable. Those nine months are almost akin to death, and he doesn't know why.

He stirs when he hears the sliding door behind him open, hands he didn't realize were gripping the railing way too tightly loosening. But they're stiff and sweaty now.

“Yoongi really has some deep-rooted issues with his mom, huh?” Taehyung says, trying to make a joke.

Unconsciously, Jeongguk reached up to touch the marks on his neck, just starting to fade even after a week. He almost wishes they'd last for three more. And then three more after that.

“Jeongguk?”

He jumps, focusing on Taehyung. There's a worried expression on the older boy’s face.

“What? Oh, yeah.” He smiles. “He's gotta blow off steam, though. Kinda fucked she keeps asking for money.”

“Entirely fucked,” Taehyung agrees. He leans on his forearms against the railing, a warm breeze rifling in his hair. He should get it cut soon, but maybe he likes the length. He sucks in a deep breath, as if savoring the taste of life here, and slowly exhales. “I'm gonna miss it here.”

This is exactly where Jeongguk didn't want the conversation to go. He doesn't want to talk about this, not now, because he feels too strongly about it, feels too much, and he suddenly understands why he wants to be independent so badly at this moment.

“Yeah?” he asks lightly instead, swallowing down everything else.

“Yeah, definitely gonna miss it,” he decides.

“It's gonna miss you, too,” he replies, but then corrects himself. “We’re going to miss you.” That's still not right. “ I'm going to miss you.”

Taehyung doesn't say anything, only breaching the space between them to interlock their fingers carefully, as if he's afraid Jeongguk is going to pull away, which, honestly, he was thinking about doing. But there's such warmth in the gesture. Not the icky, sweltering warmth of the summer, but the fuzzy warmth that comes with a crackling fire.

They don't say anything, but Jeongguk is eventually the one to pull away, leaving Taehyung outside alone.

It's hard, Jeongguk will admit, hanging around with his friends when Taehyung is there. There's too much complication now, for him at least, and a simple smile is never just a simple smile. It's killing him to hear how happy Taehyung is to be moving to a larger city, how excited he is to be attending such a nice university.

He pretends to be happy, he really does, and part of him is ecstatic that he's doing what he wants with his life, but when his friends are gone and he's alone again, it all seems horrible, everything seems horrible, and he wants to drink until he vomits up all those horrible thoughts.

Hoseok, ever the unlikely friend, is one of the last ones to hang around in his room one evening after the others had left.

“Need something, hyung?” He asks, straightening his bed from where Namjoon and Jimin had been lounging on it.

“No,” he shakes his head. “I just… I wanted to apologize for the way I acted.”

It's the most general thing he could say, but Jeongguk knows what he means.

“No, it's okay,” he says, tucking the sheets properly. “You were upset.”

“I didn't mean what I said when I told you I wouldn't be here for you. I could never mean that. You're my friend before anything else, Jeongguk, and I'm here.” He lets it hang for a moment. “If you wanted to talk about it, that is.”

Jeongguk smiles at him. “There's nothing to talk about.”

Hoseok sighs, walking over and shutting the door. “Jeongguk, stop.”

“What?”

“Stop - stop this. ” He gestured wildly towards the entirety of the younger’s being. “You may fool the others with your good intentions act, but I see how much pain you're in.”

“I'm not in any pain,” he shrugs, desperately tensing his face to keep the smile intact.

“Alright,” Hoseok shrugs, “So all the empty bottles underneath your bed must be from leisure time, right?”

He stiffens. “Of course. What else?”

“Jesus, you're fucking drowning in this, kid,” he says. He looks at Jeongguk for a hard second. “Don't block yourself off from us, okay? We’re your friends, and we love you. If you don't want to talk to me, that's perfectly fine. If you'd rather talk to Jimin or Namjoon or Seokjin, that's fine, too - in fact, I encourage you talking to them. Just don't isolate yourself, Jeongguk.”

There isn't a reply, so Hoseok reaches towards the door.

“Hyung, wait,” he speaks, his voice quiet.

“Mm?”

“What did you mean when you said Taehyung would fuck me over? Why did you tell me that?”

“I've known Taehyung for a long time, you know. I've seen him do some awful things to the people that cared about him.”

“We’ve all broken hearts. That doesn't make him a bad person.”

Hoseok falters at this, breaking eye contact.

“You're not telling me something.”

The guilty look on his face tells Jeongguk that he's right.

“I shouldn’t - You can't let anyone else know I told you this.”

“What is it?”

“It was a secret and it still is.” He puts his hands in the pockets of his jeans, trying to smile a little. “Taehyung and I… we were, ah, fuckbuddies throughout my time in high school. Of course, you know I graduated before he did, and we stopped fucking around because I was planning on moving back to Gwangju to be with my sister.”

Jeongguk does remember. Hoseok’s sister had been through a draining divorce, and he had wanted to move in with her until she was stabilized again.

“Taehyung was very… upset with me for my decision. He had read in between the lines and had feelings towards me that I didn't return. He cut off all personal contact with me for a while after that. I couldn't even get him to be alone with me. Then, when the plan with my sister fell through and I stayed, we realized that we would have to stop being immature and deal with it in order to salvage the friendship.” He scratched the back of his head. “The others, they don't know about us fucking around. They just think Taehyung and I were close, and he was distraught over me leaving. We played that up, because Taehyung had been dating that girl from his physics class, remember? And the entire situation was wrong.”

Jeongguk blinked. “But if Taehyung had a girlfriend, why did you guys keep…?”

“I didn't know! Please don't think that way about me,” Hoseok blurted, eyes widening. “The first few weeks they were together, I had no idea. Jimin asked about her one day while we were all together, and that was the first I heard about her. I wanted to stop things with him, because who the fuck does that? Why wouldn't he at least tell me he was with someone? But he said he was only dating her for a while to get her off his back.”

Jeongguk’s brows furrowed. “They were together for a year.”

“I know,” Hoseok nods, “and I realized that Taehyung just wants everything he can have. He wanted me, wanted her, and now he wants you.”

Jeongguk sat down slowly onto his bed, the mattress sinking beneath his weight. It was hard for him to envision someone like Taehyung as selfish, but he didn't think Hoseok would lie to him about something like this. Would he?

“Hyung, this isn’t - doesn’t seem like Taehyung.” He swallows, gnawing on his lip.

“I knew you wouldn’t believe me, Jeongguk, which is why I didn’t tell you last time,” he sighed, his eyes closing slowly. “Just please, please be careful with him. The last thing I want is to see him hurt you when I could have helped.”

He looks up at his older friend and nods. “I will.”

At least, Jeongguk says he will, but the next night he’s being fucked into the mattress again, Taehyung’s hands pressing all new bruises into his hips and leaving the imprints of his teeth into Jeongguk’s willing flesh. He tells himself it’s the mind-blowing sex, the reason he’s become so weak for Taehyung, but he knows it’s much deeper than that. There’s another addiction that has been seeping into his brain, one with a warm laugh  and a smile that comes much too easily.

The afterglow of his orgasm fizzles beneath his skin, his breathing still ragged. His body feels as if it’s been through a trainwreck, but could trainwrecks make you feel that wonderful?

They’re at Taehyung’s house this time, the older boy’s parents at work, and honestly, midday may be early for a fuck, but Jeongguk would never turn down Taehyung, not for something like this. He tries to not think that he wouldn't turn Taehyung down for anything else, either.

Jeongguk isn’t sleepy, laying sprawled on his back, but Taehyung’s bed has always been more comfortable than his has, and he’s exhausted. Without his permission, his eyes start to lose their focus on the ceiling.

“How’s Hoseok?” Taehyung asks nonchalantly, pulling a shirt over his head from where he’s sitting on the side of his bed. He’s already put his boxers back on. He reclines back onto his pillow, crossing his arms behind his head.

“Hm?” Jeongguk responds, turning his head towards him in interest.

“It’s just… You don’t seem to be having marks from him anymore.” Taehyung blinks. “Are you guys alright?”

He nods, shrugging. “Yeah, we’re fine. Just haven’t gotten around to fucking anymore, really.”

“Mm,” he acknowledges, and Jeongguk looks back up at the ceiling. “I found out who my roommate is going to be.”

Oh, right . For a moment, he had forgotten that Taehyung was moving.

“Yeah?” He asked, a smile on his face.

“Yeah, some kid that’s lived in Seoul his whole life.”

“At least someone will know where they’re going.” Jeongguk found that the joke slipped from his lips easier than he would have thought possible.

“Don’t be a dick to me, Jeonggukkie. Don’t you want my last week to be full of nothing but beautiful memories?”

Jeongguk ignored that the comment of it being his last week. “Beautiful memories? With you? That’s a longshot.”

Taehyung chuckled, seeming content for them to melt into silence. But Jeongguk had so many questions, so many things that he wanted to say.

Another type of feeling starts biting underneath his skin, one that reminded him altogether of the feeling he experienced when they had fucked the last time. His stomach twisted into knots, and he knew that he couldn’t keep it up. He couldn’t. It was tearing him apart to keep up this facade. He wanted more than this, wanted more than stolen kisses behind closed doors and fucking when their friends were in the next room just for a thrill. That was amazing, and he loved it, but it wasn’t enough for him. He wanted kisses willingly given, too, and soft intertwining of the fingers when they were with their friends.

But a part of what Hoseok had told him stuck. Taehyung wouldn’t want any of that - didn’t want any of that, and that was why he should stop this now. He was just being selfish. The sooner he cut it off, the sooner he could heal. The sooner he could go back to his normal life.

“Taehyung,” he began, and he tried to ignore the tremor in his voice. “I don’t think we should do this anymore.” He sounded scared, and he knew he was, because there was something different about this time as opposed to the others. There wasn’t a lethargic note in him right now, wasn’t a glassy look to his eyes. They were completely sober, and that terrified Jeongguk to his very core, because that meant that there was something there behind all of their inebriated traipses. Or, there was something there for Jeongguk, and the possibility that Taehyung was using sober sex as a tool was enough to make him feel sick.

There was silence for a long time, but Jeongguk could hear his heart racing in his ears. He dared a glance towards the other boy.

“Okay,” he replied quietly, his eyes zoned in on some spot above him. “Do you need a ride home?”

For some reason, tears stung in Jeongguk’s eyes, and he wanted to bitterly laugh. “ God, you really didn’t give a shit about me, did you?” he wanted to ask. His voice would drip with malice, and Taehyung would ask what he meant. They would argue, and Jeongguk would cry. A lot. And Taehyung would understand, and turn out to not be the person that Hoseok had said he was.

But the one problem about the whole situation was that he is the person that Hoseok said he was, so Jeongguk only sat up, shaking his head. “No, I can have Hoseok pick me up. He wanted to go see a movie today, anyway.” It was a lie, but it sounded believable.

“Okay,” Taehyung said again. Was that all he could say?

Jeongguk was out of his house less than five minutes later, not another word said between them. It was blistering out, but he didn’t feel it as he walked home.

“Aren’t you a senior this year?” A girl asked Jeongguk, her eyes bloodshot and words a little slurred together.

“Yeah,” he nodded, flashing her a winning smile. She seemed pleased at this.

Jeongguk had seen her before, and she told him that she had graduated this year, from the school in the next city over. She was pretty, too, with dark hair and large brown eyes. She was slender, yes, but still intact with feminine curves. She was probably popular, if her trusting smile and easy nature was anything to go by. She also probably knew the person who had thrown this party, Jeongguk would bet, and had been invited personally, instead of crashing it like he had.

But desperate times call for desperate measures when your friends are all busy.

Luckily enough, it seemed this girl had a liking for Jeongguk, and she wasn't bad company. He found that she was better company as time went on and her cup grew empty, full, and then empty again. His own cup had gone through the same cycle.

“What's your name?” Her eyes are almost completely closed at this point, the alcohol making her want to relax.

“Jeongguk,” he says, smiling widely at her demeanor. She's practically leaning against the wall behind her with all of her weight, slightly swaying on her feet. He can't remember when he started leaning in close to her, because really, they weren't talking about anything serious, but it's nice. “What's yours?”

“Miok,” she replied, and she grinned.

There's a gap in his memory, but the next thing he's aware of is Miok’s lips against his, and they're no longer in the main room of the party. They're in a hallway, and he can still hear the music even though it's more faint.

“C’mon,” Miok murmurs, her voice a little rough.

Her smaller hand slips into Jeongguk’s, and for someone smaller than him, she manages to pull him quietly easily into an empty room. They're a stumbling mess, and maybe that's why she can pull him so easily, but she's hardly any better at this point.

Jeongguk doesn't remember anything about the room, except that he's immediately pushed down onto the mattress and Miok is straddling him. Her waist feels nice in his hold, and her mouth is trailing hot kisses down his neck.

When he wakes up, there's a dull ache in the space of his forehead between his eyes and he's naked. He hesitantly reaches out to feel the sheets beside him, but they’re empty. Part of him sighs in relief, but it’s short-lived, because the other part of him suddenly remembers that he’s not in his own house

Jeongguk slowly sits up, his body complaining, and shuffles over to the window to peek through the blinds. The sun is just now starting to turn the sky pink, so he supposes that he could sleep more if he wanted, but now he’s not plastered and sleeping in someone else’s bed doesn’t have the same appeal.

How far away from his own home was he?

He thinks for a moment, retracing the walk he took here, and he knows it won’t be so bad since the sun isn’t up yet. That means he won’t be covered in his own sweat and drenched in the smell of alcohol by the time he gets there. Fuck, what day is it?

The door creaks, and he’s lunging for his clothes. He barely has the time to shuffle on his boxers when a female peeks around the corner. Miok.

“Sorry, I didn’t think you’d be awake,” she apologizes. “I’ll step out while you get dressed. Wait, I can get you some towels if you want to shower, too.”

He feels awkward on his feet. “Oh, um,” he looks around, “isn’t that a bit weird to offer?”

“Why would that be weird? It’s my house.”

His eyebrows shoot up, and he’s suddenly embarrassed. Wow, not only does he crash a party, but he manages to run into the hostess and fuck her. The luck he has. “Really?”

“Well, technically, it’s my aunt’s house, but same thing.” She smiles. “So, towel?”

He accepts the offer graciously, the water reviving him more than coffee ever could. He tries not to let the fact that he has to change back into his party clothes affect him.

When he gets out of the bathroom, Miok is sitting on the bed - probably her bed - reading a magazine and drinking a cup of tea. She nods approvingly when she sees him.

“You look refreshed,” she says.

“I am,” he smiles. “Thank you.”

Her eyes wander back down to the article she was reading, and an awkwardness hangs. But then something hit hims that makes him want to vomit.

“What day is it?” He asks.

“Wow,” she laughs, “you really must have gone hard last night.”

“No, I just, I don’t really keep up with the days anymore. Lose track of them during the summer and all that.” But that’s not the real reason he hasn’t been looking at his calendar.

“It’s Thursday.”

Thursday. It’s Thursday. He feels like he can breathe better now.

“You look like you’re recovering from a heart attack,” she notices, but there’s an openness to her face that shows no judgement.

“Something like that,” he tries to give her a smile, but he knows it looks odd on his face. “I should - I should be going home, don’t you think? I’ve already overstayed my welcome.”

“So you really are going to keep running from it, aren’t you?” She asks.

The hand reaching for his phone and wallet freezes, and he attempts a laugh. “What?”

“Last night, afterwards, we were laying down and about to drift off, but you started talking about how you wanted to keep running and running and never stop. You said it would hurt if you stopped, because then you would have to face it.” She’s laid her magazine down, and she sits up straighter. “I don’t know anything about your situation, Jeongguk, but even marathon runners have to stop sometime. Pain doesn’t go away if you ignore it.”

“Yeah,” he mumbles. “It doesn’t.”

“Stop running, Jeongguk.”

“I will, eventually.” His hand somehow finds the will to close around his belongings. “Thank you for letting me sleep over and for the shower. I had a nice time last night.”

“Yeah, me too,” she says, and her smile is back to being reassuring and friendly. “I’ll see you around.”

“See you, noona.”

Once he’s out the door, he attempts to check the time on his phone, but he’s not surprised to see that it’s dead. It had a shit battery, anyway, he thinks. Luckily enough, the sun still hasn’t made its way fully up into the sky yet, so his walk home doesn’t bother him as much as it normally would.

His dad’s truck is still in the driveway when he gets there, so he has to be careful about the creak in the door, the give in the floor to the right of his doorframe. He told his dad he was staying over with Namjoon, and maybe he should have waited a bit longer before coming home, but there was something about the way Miok talked that made him think he had spilt more than he wanted to. And that made him uncomfortable, made him feel naked, which was ironic seeing as she had seen him naked. But being physically naked and naked in the sense of giving away all of your secrets were two entirely different matters, and Jeongguk knows which one he prefers.

Thursday. It’s Thursday, and that meant tomorrow was Friday. Taehyung was leaving tomorrow for Seoul, and he wouldn’t look back. Jeongguk wishes he could say the same about himself as he left Taehyung’s house that day, when he broke it off, but there is still evidence of his tantrum in his room. He was glad it had been the middle of the day, because then his dad was at work and didn’t ask questions about him slamming his door so hard that the entire house shook, about him throwing his books, about him screaming.

No, Jeongguk definitely couldn’t say the same about himself, not when he knew his anger bubbled down to a nonstop flow of pathetic, snotty wails. In his head, there were so many things he wish would happen. One alternative was Taehyung throwing his college dreams away to stay, and another showed the university suddenly not wanting him anymore. The latter made him feel awful, because he knew how much it would crush Taehyung to have his dream taken away from him. But Taehyung was selfish, and maybe he deserved it because Taehyung was his dream and he was being taken away.

The day passes in normality, and Jeongguk mainly tries to find things he can do to kill time in lieu of leaving him to his own head. He cleans the house, and by the time the sun is dipping back below the horizon, the scent of cleaner has burned itself into his nose and made him feel as though he’ll never be able to smell anything again. He does his laundry, as well, and finally puts his room back into its usual order, with his books neatly on their shelves and his CDs aligned.

When he lays into bed that night, his tongue is heavy with the taste of NyQuil, knowing that even though he had tried, he couldn’t tire himself out. It works, however, and he’s unconscious within five minutes.

The problem, though, is that he wakes up before dawn the next day, too, and everything is overwhelming again. The electricity is in his skin again, but it isn’t pleasant anymore, and he wants to rip the flesh off of his arms to make it go away. It only gets worse over the course of an hour, and he knows he can’t stay in his house today.

He’s dressed before he can register that he’s moving, his body running on autopilot at this point. His phone is in his hand, along with a house key, and he’s walking. He doesn’t know to where, he doesn’t know where he’ll stop, but he’s somehow found his way to a park a few streets down. It’s something familiar to him, a place he would play as a child, but there’s nothing comforting about it now, in the bleak morning sunrise. He climbs up the slide backwards in order to gain entrance to the jungle gym, climbing his way up to the highest tower, which isn’t all that high at all. In fact, it’s only a few inches taller off the ground than he is standing, but it feels secluded, and that’s what he wants.

Once settled, he watches out of the open window to see everyone start their daily tasks. It’s incredibly early, but there are still people coming out to jog, walk their dogs, drive to work. There’s a wonder in his chest if they have painful things going on, too, or if they’re at a time in their lives where everything has fallen into place. It makes him feel a little empty.

He reaches into his pocket, pulling out his phone. He hasn’t really been on it at all since the night he spent at Miok’s, and he has text messages from Jimin that are over a day old. He’s about to read them when a new text from Hoseok comes through, and his phone vibrates in his hand.

To: Jeongguk

From: Hoseok

July 1, 07:13

Are you awake?

He almost slides his phone back into his pocket, wanting to be alone, but he remembers what Hoseok had told him, and the little bit of wisdom that Miok had offered. He needed to come to terms with this. He needed to be okay with Taehyung leaving. And he knows that being alone isn’t going to make it any easier for him.

To: Hoseok

From: Jeongguk

July 1, 07:15

Yeah

To: Jeongguk

From: Hoseok

July 1, 07:16

I’m spending the day with you. I’m otw

To: Hoseok

From: Jeongguk

July 1, 07:16

I’m not at my house. You know that playground a few blocks over?

Hoseok does, it seems, because soon he sees the boy crossing the street in order to reach it. He’s wide awake, standing in front of the tower window to give Jeongguk a skeptical look.

“Why are you in a jungle gym?” He asks, raising an eyebrow.

“What a stupid question,” Jeongguk answers. “A better question would be: why aren’t you ?”

“Because I’m twenty-two years old and know my limits.” He’s smiling, though. “Why don’t you come out? We can go get breakfast.”

Jeongguk suddenly realizes that he didn’t eat anything yesterday in his frenzy to keep his mind off of things, and there’s a gurgle in his stomach.

“I’ve never heard anything more appealing in my entire life,” Jeongguk says, disappearing from Hoseok’s line of sight as he climbs out. Of course, he still is very much a child, so he does use the slide to get down. “Can we go to iHop? I really want pancakes.”

“Yeah, we can go to iHop.” Hoseok twirls his keys in his hands. “I parked at your house, though, so we’ll have to stop by there first to get my car.”

“Race you!”

“Jeongguk - you little -”

But the younger boy is already running, a smile plastered on his face.

“I thought you said you wanted pancakes.”

Jeongguk looks up from his plate, which has an assortment of things like French toast, crepes, and sausage, but not a single pancake.

“Yeah, but then I decided I didn’t.”

“So indecisive,” Hoseok mutters, taking a bite out of his own pancakes.

The food is good, and Jeongguk eats everything he ordered, down to scraping leftover whipped cream from his crepes off his plate with his fork in order to taste it.

“Does your dad not feed you anymore or something?”

“Nah, of course he does,” Jeongguk shrugs. “I was just busy yesterday, didn’t really have a lot of time to eat.”

“Oh? What’d you do yesterday?” Hoseok sounds genuinely interested, as if he’s waiting for Jeongguk to tell him that he went on some grand adventure.

“I, uh, was cleaning the house. Deep-cleaning,” he swallows, eyeing his cup. “The house needed it.”

Hoseok gives him a look that tells him that he sees through his excuse, and Jeongguk can almost feel the lecture or comfort or whatever Hoseok is going to say to him about the elephant in the room, but he’s not ready to talk about it. Not yet.

“Jeongguk, you know -”

“No.” He shakes his head, and the sweet aftertaste of the whipped cream suddenly turned sour in his mouth. “I don’t - I don’t really want to talk about it yet, okay, hyung? I just want to have a good day with you. I don’t want to think about it.”

Jeongguk knows that this technically qualifies as still running from his problems, but he’s getting tired, and he knows he’s going to stop soon. But he’s not stopping yet. He’s not ready to feel that exhaustion of running yet. Just a little longer, and he’ll be ready. Just a little longer, and he’ll be able to accept that everything isn’t the same, and it won’t be the same. He just wants to savor in the sameness for today.

“Okay, Jeonggukkie.”

Hoseok does a good job at making sure that Jeongguk doesn’t get too caught up in what today really meant. They go through all the shops downtown, run through the parks they come across, giggling and acting far too young for their actual ages, and Hoseok even takes Jeongguk paintballing, something he’d never done before. They both are covered in small, round bruises when they’re finished, Jeongguk whining every time he takes a step.

“That was completely unfair,” he tells him, the sky above them slowly turning pink. “You’ve played tons of times before - that was my first time! You didn’t go easy on me at all.”

“I didn’t think you would be so bad at it,” Hoseok admits, laughing at the look that comes across Jeongguk’s face, but immediately stepping out of his reach when he makes to hit him. “Hey! Respect your hyung!”

“Respect my ass,” Jeongguk says back, and then he’s chasing Hoseok down the sidewalk, dodging people a second before they collide and yelling noncommittal apologies over their shoulders.

They run until there’s no more buildings around them, trees overtaking the scenery. It’s somewhere they’re both familiar with, knowing that there’s going to be a small lake when they break through the clearing of the wood. Sure enough, when Hoseok stumbles into the light, the lake welcomes him in the dimming sunlight. Jeongguk is in hot pursuit, and he knows he’ll be on him within seconds.

“You’ll never take me alive!” Hoseok shouts dramatically, waiting until the younger boy has come through the trees to start trudging through the dark blue water. It’s difficult, even when it’s only up to his calves, but he keeps going because Jeongguk seems to be determined to catch him as he hears the sounds of splashing water behind him.

The sand underneath Jeongguk’s shoes suddenly gives and he’s slipping backwards. He’s submerged for a moment, but then he comes up to wipe at his eyes, still splayed in the water. He’s coughing, lungs taking in air.

“Jeonggukkie, are you okay?” Hoseok comes over to him, grabbing at his wrists and making to pull him up, but before he can, Jeongguk reaches for the collar of his shirt and pulls him over into the water, too.

“Oh, you’re such a little shit!” Hoseok exclaims once he’s surfaced.

They’re laughing, pushing each other into the water until they’re sure water will come out of their ears even hours later. Then it’s too dark, and they’re helping each other onto the bank. They lay there on the grass, the summer warmth still clinging to the air, and look up at the full moon above them.

It’s a beautiful night, the stars in full view due to the cloudless sky. It fills Jeongguk with a sort of longing, the type of longing he’d been so desperately avoiding throughout the day. But it’s here now, and it seeps through his mind in the form of a single thought: Somewhere, Taehyung is underneath the same sky.

The longing turns into a dull ache, a pain that isn’t as sharp as it could be, but after all, it hurts to be stabbed by a blunt object rather that something with a point. It takes more force, rips more flesh, frees more blood. It takes more time to heal.

“He’s gone, isn’t he?” He asks, so quietly that he almost expects Hoseok to ask him to repeat himself.

Hoseok takes a deep breath, nodding slowly. “Yeah. He’s gone.”

And Jeongguk doesn’t have the energy to talk about it anymore. He’s stopped running, but he has nothing more to say about it. How can he? He doesn’t think he can even form thoughts right now, because the ache in his chest has now dropped down into his stomach, and it’s consuming his legs, his arms, his entire body.

He makes a choking noise as his vision starts to blur, the stars being wiped from his sight in favor of being replaced by unyielding darkness. It’s too much, and Jeongguk closes his eyes. His lungs burn, his throat hurts as he tries to swallow down a knot.

He can’t help but to start sobbing, and it’s not just a sob, it’s a soul-ripping wailing because now he’s accepted that Taehyung isn’t here. Taehyung won’t be here.

Hoseok pulls him onto his chest, and the younger boy is shaking so much he thinks for a moment that he might be having a fit. His arms tighten around him, pulling him closer, trying to squeeze the emotions out of him, and part of him wants to call Taehyung once he gets home, wants to scream at him, but he knows it would do no good.

This is all so wrong. This is all so raw. Hoseok knows that he told Jeongguk not to get attached to Taehyung, but there’s not a single part of him that ways to say, “I told you so,” because he knows that’s not how things work. He just wishes that maybe Jeongguk had listened to him, just a little bit, and maybe this wouldn’t be happening. Maybe Jeongguk wouldn’t feel like his soul is being slowly pulled apart.

They don’t say anything for a long while. The moon starts to make its way across the sky, and it’s hanging loftily above them before they move. Their clothes have dried uncomfortably on their bodies, and when they stand, they know it’s going to chafe. The walk back to Hoseok’s car is slow, Hoseok keeping his pace to match Jeongguk’s because the boy seems to have no fight left in him.

The city isn’t buzzing with life anymore. Instead, there are only the ghosts of people’s voices in the distance. There’s a police siren somewhere, too, but it’s fading. Jeongguk steps closer to Hoseok, darkness shrouding his features. His eyes hurt, and he knows they’re swollen and red. He feels embarrassed at the way he’s acted.

“I’m sorry,” he mutters, the words tasting like sawdust and coming out just as easily. “I didn’t mean to… be like that.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry for,” Hoseok says back, his voice calm and reassuring. It makes tears well up in Jeongguk’s eyes all over again.

“There is,” he presses, and he can feel panic coming over him again as he realizes something. “God, I’ve been acting pathetic over someone who doesn’t care about me when I put you through the same fucking thing.”

Hoseok hesitates. “That’s not necessarily true, Jeongguk. Don’t compare yourself to him like that.”

“But it is true, isn’t it?” His throat hurts. “This is some sort of fucked up karma. I shouldn’t be acting like this.”

“You should, because you’re hurt.” He shakes his head, reaching out and pulling Jeongguk shoulders to face him. “Don’t feel bad because you hurt me, okay?” Jeongguk flinches. “Yes, you did hurt me - I won’t lie to you about that - but I’m your friend , Jeongguk. You should never feel bad for showing your feelings to me; that’s what friends do, you understand?”

He looks at Hoseok and solemnly nods his head, a traitor tear sweeping down his cheek. He doesn’t bother to wipe it away. He looks away from the older boy, looking down to his collar, because he can’t look him in the face for too long while he’s like this.

“I miss him.” The words sound alien, because he’s never really voiced that outloud. He doesn’t even know if he’s been able to admit that to himself, but saying it, admitting it to Hoseok, it somehow seems like the more he admits and the more the exposes, the quicker he’ll be able to heal. And the words won’t stop.

“I want him back here with me. I don’t want him to want to go to some stupid university that will be good for him, because I can’t go with him. I’m stuck here, and there’s nothing I can do about it. There’s nothing I want in the world more than for him to want to be with me, and there’s nothing I can do about that, either.” He’s crying again, shaking his head bitterly. “I don’t want to feel like this. I hate him because he has the power to make me feel like this. God, I loved him - I love him so much, and this is where it gets me.”

Hoseok only pulls him into his arms again before he can dissolve into hysterics.

There’s not a lot to do to pass the time now. Jeongguk doesn’t really want to spend time with any of his friends now, except Hoseok, who he can’t really get away from anymore. It somehow doesn’t annoy him when the older boy shows up to his house unexpectedly, but Jeongguk’s father has always liked Hoseok, and he finds entry to the home all too easily.

It’s been a week since he’s left, and Jeongguk doesn’t know if he’s made progress with his mess of emotions or not, but he no longer feels the urge to burst into tears at every second, and he’s telling himself that’s a good thing. It has to be, because even though he’s still angry at everyone and wants nothing to do with social interaction, he no longer stays completely silent over dinner with his father. He now is responding with simple sentences, which aren’t much, but they’re something. He knows his father is worried, knows that he should act in a way that erases all concern, but he can’t yet. He makes up excuses to stay in his room, such as getting ahead on his school work for the upcoming year, but he knows they’re not convincing in any way, so he throws a small smile in every now and then to get his father off his back. He thinks that it’s good Hoseok comes over so often, as it shows his father that he does have some social aspect of his life, even if the boys don’t come downstairs and stay eerily silent.

Hoseok is over one evening, sitting on Jeongguk’s floor putting together a jigsaw puzzle. Jeongguk is laying on his bed, watching him. This is normally how their interactions go now. The first few times he came over, Hoseok would try to get Jeongguk involved in board games and puzzles, but he was so indifferent about it that it was exhausting to do so. But Jeongguk prefers watching him, in any case, because then he feels like he’s being social without putting himself in an uncomfortable situation - and right now, board games, listening to music, and reading books together are all uncomfortable situations. So he just watches.

Hoseok is okay with this, it seems, as he does talk to Jeongguk, but mainly to himself. It’s casual observations, like how nice the weather is and how hard the puzzle is. Things that Jeongguk doesn’t have to respond to. There’s an understanding between them, and while Jeongguk knows that he could just as easily get as much stimulation from looking out of his window, he appreciates Hoseok’s presence all the same.

Something odd happens, though, when Hoseok finishes the puzzle. It’s not a small feat, as it had three thousand pieces, and Hoseok seems positively pleased with himself. He laughs, clapping his hands together to congratulate himself. And then it happens.

Jeongguk notices how attractive Hoseok is. Of course, he’s known the boy was attractive, as he’s allowed the boy to fuck him many more times than once, but this time is different. There’s a weird flutter in his chest as he watches Hoseok laugh, the fading light smoothing out his skin nicely and his hair seeming to fall in just the right way. Hoseok is… beautiful.

Before he realizes what he’s doing, Jeongguk stands up, his hand held out for Hoseok to take. He does, and they’re now level with each other. Jeongguk presses their lips together, the familiarity of the action bringing him comfort because he realizes that there is still some sameness even though it’s not entirely the sameness as before.

Hoseok gingerly parts his lips, kissing the younger boy back, but it’s slow, as if he understands that Jeongguk just needs something to ground him. It’s enough to make Jeongguk almost sob in relief, and the urge to cry wells up in the back of his head. He pushes it away.

Jeongguk pulls them backwards toward his bed, and Hoseok falls over him like a cage. It’s comforting. They’re still kissing, slowly and carefully, but then Jeongguk bites down on Hoseok’s lip, and he would be lying if he said it didn’t have an effect on him. He freezes, and at first Jeongguk doesn’t notice, sucking the lip into his mouth, but then stops.

“Hyung, what’s wrong?” He asks lowly, pulling back enough to see the endless depth of Hoseok’s eyes.

“We shouldn't be doing thing, Jeonggukkie, because I’m not him. You know I’m not him, and I know you don’t want me like that, not in the way you’re really craving. I can’t supply you with love and endless affection like you want him to.” He caresses Jeongguk’s cheek. “You’re hurt, and you want comfort in any way that you can get it right now. But this wouldn’t be real comfort. It would only create more problems if I allow for this to happen, and I’m not going to do anything that would cause further harm to you.”

Jeongguk only looks soundlessly up at him, his eyes hollow.

“You understand?” Hoseok asks, just to be sure.

He nods in response, and Hoseok rolls off of him, but turns into his side to pull him close. The physical contact makes something ease in Jeongguk’s chest, and he realizes the mistake he was going to make. He shouldn’t have allowed himself to take advantage of Hoseok like that, knowing that there’s a possibility that he still has feelings for him. He wants to hit himself.

“Thank you,” he mutters instead.

“Of course,” Hoseok replies, as calmly as though nothing had happened.

“I’m sorry I’m like this,” he says, softer, and feels tears welling up. He feels so incredibly guilty now, the feeling growing with every passing second. Hoseok has been entirely too good of a friend to him during this time, and this is how he was going to repay him? “I’m just… I don’t know.”

He had thought he had been getting better, but now there’s a gaping hole in his chest again. It’s a different type of pain though, the type that makes him want to curl into himself a disappear rather than reach out for someone’s attention. He feels repulsive, and suddenly Hoseok’s hands on him feel like too much, too posed, too pitying .

He shoots up, scooting away from him on the bed.

“Jeonggukkie, what’s wrong?” He asks, propping up on his elbows and moving back, allowing him space.

“God,” Jeongguk chokes, feeling too much coming down on me. “There were so many things wrong in our relationship, you know? We never became exclusive, but I can see why. I mean, he’s only been gone a week and I’m already throwing myself on someone else. I didn’t deserve him anyway. I’m so - I’m not meant for someone like him. He’s built for someone far better and a love far more deserving of him. He’s - He doesn’t deserve to be bogged down by someone like me, anyway, you know? He’s gone off to - to college - an amazing college - to do amazing things with his life, and I can’t even honestly say that I’m happy for him. That can’t be love, can it? I can’t love him, I c- can’t .”

His voice is empty, but there’s a mockery of a laugh at the end. At least, it sounds something like a laugh, because then it’s cut off short by another fit of choking, the tears making their way down Jeongguk’s face.

Hoseok reaches out for him instinctively, but the second that his fingers brush against Jeongguk’s wrist, he flinches away. Hoseok decides that maybe physical comfort isn’t something that he should be given right now.

“Jeongguk, I don’t know how you can even say that,” he says softly. “You’re so deserving of love, and you know that I, along with all of our friends, love you to your core. You are so, so loved, Jeonggukkie.”

Jeongguk wipes at his face frantically, desperate to get the devastation off of him. “I-I think I want to be alone, hyung.”

Hoseok debates on whether or not that’s a good idea, but he has no right to tell him no.

“Let me know when you want to talk some more,” he says, and starts to kiss his forehead in comfort, but thinks better of it.

Jeongguk doesn’t say anything in response, not even looking up when the older boy leaves. He allows himself to fall back onto the sheets, still warm, but there’s a cold, crackling chill spreading from his core. It consumes him, his fingers losing their feeling and his eyes losing their focus.

A week turns into two and two weeks folds into a month, and it’s amazing what Jeongguk can accomplish when he doesn’t want to deal with the negative aspects of his mind. Things had been awful for the few days after his most recent breakdown, but he had come to the realization that things were going on outside of his small, pathetic little corner of Busan, and he wanted to be a part of that. Suddenly, the independence that he wanted so badly that night out on Yoongi and Seokjin’s balcony hits him again, hard , except that he doesn’t want the independence so that he has the choice to go with Taehyung. He wants the independence so that he can do something for himself, and he realizes that he wants to be out of Busan.

He had actually picked up textbooks to allow him to propel himself forward through his next year of school with ease, but realized that even when he’d memorized his calculus book front-to-back, there’s still too much empty space in his schedule. He’s not exhausted when he falls into bed, ghosts of Taehyung’s mouth on his, warm brown eyes, the warmth that his body would always carry when he sat next to Jeongguk or held him close at night. It brings around the blunt pain, and he knows he needs something else to occupy his time before school comes back in, so he gets a job.

This surprises himself, even, as the last thing he wants to do is be surrounded by people, but working as a waiter isn’t the worst thing that could happen to him. Besides, he likes having money. He doesn’t spend it on anything other than the subway fare, telling himself that he’ll use it for college, a college that can get him as far away from Seoul as he can get. He might even get lucky enough to go to a university in Japan, even if his Japanese is a bit rusty. Of course, he knows it isn’t likely, but he finds himself thinking of it anyway, because anywhere is better than where he’s at right now.

He’s about to board the subway one night after he gets off of work when he feels a tug at his arm. He looks, taking an earbud out of his ear to see Jimin standing next to him.

Panic wraps its way around his chest, but he is genuinely glad to see his friend. He had been practically MIA since Taehyung had left, and he does miss them, even if he doesn’t want to admit that he’s missing anybody.

“Jimin-hyung,” he smiles, “hey.”

“Hey,” Jimin says back, and the board the subway together. “Where have you been recently? Hoseok said something about you being sick.”

He feels a sort of comfort in his torso knowing that even now Hoseok is trying to make sure his secret doesn’t get out.

“I - Yeah,” he nods once, eyes meeting Jimin’s before they landed on the subway floor as it takes off. “I was for a bit, but then I suddenly realized that I want to do well in school so that I can get into a good college, so I started studying early. Oh, and I got a job.”

Jimin blinks.

“Who are you, and what have you done with out Jeongguk?”

Jeongguk gives him a small smile, hoping that he doesn’t press his decision too much, doesn’t ask too many questions as to why he’s had the sudden change of heart. Saying this outloud, admitting his plans for college makes it almost final in his head. It had been an unspoken definite that he would attend the college here with the others when the time came, Taehyung being the first one to break from the pattern.

“I just wanted a change. There are a lot of colleges and opportunities out there, and Taehyung leaving for another univeristy made me realize that.” He feels good that he didn’t stumble over his name, but it still burns coming up. “I love Busan,” he says, but he isn’t sure if that’s the truth anymore. “I do want to go to a college that would be right for me, though. There’s one in Yeosu that has a highly recommended program that deals with economics. I’ve been thinking a lot about going there, but I didn’t know how to tell you guys.”

“You know we support you no matter what you do, Jeonggukkie,” Jimin gives him a warm smile. “Ah, but, Jeonggukkie… I want to ask you something.”

“Hm?” He looks down at his phone, checking the time. He wants to make sure that he has enough time to shower and prepare his bag for tomorrow, when school comes back in. He would be lying if he said that he wasn’t looking forward to it. Another day closer to getting away from Busan. But then he looks up at Jimin and his heart twists. Another day closer to leaving his friends.

“Taehyung, he’s been texting me since he’s been in Seoul, you know, keeping in touch and stuff…” Jimin shrugs nonchalantly, “but he - well, we , really - were wondering why you didn’t come see him off. He was a little bummed he didn’t get to see you before he caught the subway.”

Jeongguk doesn’t have an answer for this, and he curses at himself mentally. He should have known that a question like this was coming; he just hasn’t had a chance to be asked due to the fact that he hasn’t been around his friends.

“Oh, I was, uhm,” he stops. He doesn’t have a believable excuse, so he decides to be honest with Jimin this once. “I couldn’t. I didn’t want to tell him goodbye. It would have been too much for me to handle.” It had already been and still was too much to handle.

Jimin’s gaze softens and he squeezes at Jeongguk’s hand with his reassuringly.

“We miss him, too,” he tells him, and Jeongguk realizes that he’s not the only one hurting due to Taehyung’s absence. Of course, it wasn’t as if Jimin and Taehyung had been involved in the way he had, but they had grown up together. Friends since childhood. Certainly that took a toll on Jimin, who would be attending the college here without Taehyung by his side.

“What did you say when he told you, hyung? Told you that he wouldn’t attend the university here?” Jeongguk asks before he can stop himself. He’s curious, curious as to what a real friend would do, how a real friend would react.

“I was sad, but knew how happy he was going to be in Seoul. I want him to be happy with what he does, and he’s on his way to setting himself up for a great life. How can that not make me happy? Besides, it’s not like he’s gone forever. He’s coming down next week to get some more of his things.”

Jeongguk hates himself for the lurch that takes place in his gut.

“Is he?”

“Yeah, didn’t he tell you?” Jimin looks puzzled, because yes, under normal circumstances, that would be something Taehyung would tell Jeongguk. But there’s the gap between them that Taehyung has no interest crossing.

“I haven’t had the time to talk to him, with work and studying.” It sounds reasonable.

The subway slows, and Jeongguk steps closer to the doors before they open.

“I’ll see you later, hyung,” he says, flashing a smile.

“Bye, Jeonggukkie,” Jimin replies, and before the doors can slide shut, he calls, “Oh! And good luck at school tomorrow!”

Senior year is something that Jeongguk has looked forward to since he began high school, but he must admit that it's a bit lackluster. He's happy to see his friends again, but there's the absence of Taehyung’s laughter in the hallway, absence of Jimin yelling “Jeongukkie! Tuck in your shirt! Listen to hyung!” between classes. It's quiet, which part of him doesn't mind and the other part hates.

The beginning week of work isn't nearly difficult enough, and he isn't sure if it's because he's been studying like hell or because the starting load never is. In any case, even school and work combined isn't enough to keep him distracted anymore. He doesn't feel panicky at every free moment he had like he used to, but he thinks he should. Especially now, because he knows that Taehyung will be back any day now, and he should feel horrified at that thought. Shouldn't he?

He’s closing up the small restaurant he works at Friday night when he gets a call from Yoongi. He doesn’t hesitate to bring the vibrating phone out of his back pocket, knowing that his manager has slipped into the back alley for a cigarette. Not that she would care, anyway.

“Hello?”

“ Jeonggukkie!”

It’s not Yoongi’s voice. It’s not anywhere close to Yoongi’s voice.

“Taehyung.” It’s not a question as it comes out of his mouth.

He feels his heart jump forward in his chest, the breath knocked out of him, and despite himself, there are happy tears in his eyes. He feels so much affection for Taehyung in that moment, part of it making him hate himself, but the other part reveling in how much he’s missed Taehyung, just as a friend.

“ Ah, won’t you stop wiping the same table over again and come hang out with us? ”

“I - what?” He looks over his shoulder through the huge window facing the street, spotting Yoongi’s car sitting on the curb. “When did you get here?”

“ We’ve been waiting hours, Jeonggukkie! ”

“Liar - We were packed thirty minutes ago.”

His tone is teasing, slipping back into the easy routine that Taehyung and he had been comfortable in before things got complicated. Maybe this is what he should settle for. It’s not bad just being friends with Taehyung, right?

“ Just hurry up and get off - Having a get together for the prodigal son’s return.”

“But I didn’t go anywhere.”

“ Guess you’re not a prodigy, then. ”

He laughs, barely being able to see the figures in the car moving from the tinted windows. “Look, I’ll be out in fifteen.”

“ Fifteen years ? I don’t even know if I’ll be alive then!”

The joke isn’t even funny, but he’s laughing again, a bit giddy from talking to Taehyung.

“Thank God for that. I’m hanging up now.”

He doesn’t wait for Taehyung’s response, sticking out his tongue towards the large window where he knows the other boy is watching. Where he hopes the other boy is watching.

A quick run through the closing list and a goodbye to his manager later, Jeongguk is strolling out, locking the door behind him because he knows his manager tends to forget and goes out the back. Then he’s sliding into the backseat of Yoongi’s car, greeted by tumultuous noise, coming mainly from Taehyung. Yoongi only seems to be offering laughs and snide comments - but Jeongguk is accustomed to it. They all are.

During a silent part of the trip, Jeongguk takes out his phone and goes to make out a text to his father, but his fingers hesitate.

“Should I tell my dad I’m staying over or no?” He asks.

“Definitely,” Yoongi confirms, at the same time Taehyung says, “Yes!”

“Really, Jeongguk, what kind of celebration would my homecoming be if you weren’t plastered by the end of the night?” Taehyung says aloud.

“A shitty one, because that means I would have to remember and process all the stupid things you say,” he replies, putting his phone away after sending the message.

“Harsh,” he pouts, turning his head to give Jeongguk a look over his shoulder.

“It’s not even your homecoming. You’re just getting more of your things, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, but I’m staying for the weekend. Besides, have I ever turned down an opportunity to get raging drunk?”

“Welcome home,” he says, and he means it. He claps Taehyung on the shoulder - something friends do, he reminds himself. He tries not to seem too attached. “Missed you.”

“Yeah, missed you, too.”

Somehow it sounds more friendly coming from Taehyung’s mouth, but of course, it would. Jeongguk tells himself that it doesn’t bother him.

The others are already at Yoongi and Seokjin’s apartment when they get there, Hoseok immediately attaching himself to Jeongguk’s side, seeming to try and read how the younger boy is feeling. Jeongguk squeezes his hand twice. It’s okay.

Hoseok smiles.

There’s a lot of catching up to do, per not only Taehyung’s absence but Jeongguk’s avoidance as well, but he wants to change his clothes first. The smell of steamed milk and yeast is stuck to him, and Yoongi offers him a shirt and jeans. The shirt fits okay. The jeans -

“Goddamn, Jeongukkie,” Namjoon comments as he walks out of Yoongi’s room.

“Hyung - just - I know ,” he says back through his teeth, trying not to get too red.

They’re more than tight around his thighs, shaping his ass into an even more alluring curve. They don’t look bad, just -

“Looks nice,” Seokjin says, glaring at Namjoon, who snickers goodnaturedly. “You should borrow Yoongi’s clothes more.”

“No, he shouldn’t,” Yoongi observes, eyeing his jeans. “I don’t have an ass. They’d look even baggier on me after each wear.”

“Not my fault, hyung,” Jeongguk says nonchalantly.

“I’ll take back my jeans,” Yoongi threatens, but there’s no anger in his words.

Drinks are opened, and soon they’re all situated in the living room. The radio is playing something mellow in the back as they talk amongst each other.

Taehyung, naturally, is the center of conversation tonight. They want to know how he’s liking Seoul, how he’s settling in, if he’s made any friends.

“Not like we’re worried you’re going to replace us or something,” Jimin dismisses, and he laughs.

“I’ve made a few. There’s a guy in one of my science classes that reminds me of Namjoon.”

“Oh, really?” Namjoon perks up. “How so?”

“He thinks everyone wants him to tutor them.”

There’s a roar of laughter, and Namjoon says some remark that Jeongguk can’t really hear, but he’s laughing anyway.

“No, but really, it’s not so bad. My roommate is kind of an oddball - he only takes night classes, which is cool, but during the first week he asked if he could get dark curtains to keep out the sunlight. I figured it was so he could sleep during the day, ‘cause of his reversed schedule and all, but then he was like, ‘No, the sun makes me weak.’” Taehyung makes a face. “He has a fascination with fantasy. I think he thinks he’s a vampire.”

“Ooh, what if he is? How many universities do you think he’s attended?” Seokjin asks from his spot on the floor, nursing his drink.

“He could be really smart. You might could get him to help you if you need it,” Jimin suggests. “I know how you were in math.”

“I’m not taking a math this semester. I thought ahead.” He smiles widely, tapping his temple as if he’s got everything figured out. “He’s not annoying, though. Keeps to himself. I’m hardly there between classes and my job, though, so -”

“Job? When did you get a job?” Jimin perks up. “You didn’t tell me about a job!”

“Well, I mean,” he looks bashful, red dusting his cheeks. “It’s at a lab. I just clean, like, petri dishes and stuff. Make sure the microscope lenses don’t have any smudges. Dispose of all wastes properly.”

“What are you majoring in?” Jeongguk asks, and he expects everyone to look at him and gasp, because it’s the first proper question he’s asked all night. Instead, Taehyung only meets his gaze evenly.

“Biology.”

Jeongguk nods, “Yeah, then maybe that isn’t a bad job to have. You’re already getting lab experience.”

Taehyung smiles. “That’s what I was thinking when I applied. During my interview, the manager said that they were looking specifically for students that wanted to major in a science, said they wanted to go ahead and make sure the students knew what they were getting into. Sometimes they even teach us things, let us watch their seminars and stuff. It’s a good job, pays alright.”

“That’s good,” Jeongguk says to him. “I’m glad it’s worked out well for you.”

“Yeah, Taehyung, you’re going to become this great biologist and forget all about us,” Jimin jokes.

“I’m not,” he disagrees, rolling his eyes and taking a drink from his bottle. “Even if I did, you’d hunt me down.”

“How are your classes so far?” Hoseok asks. “You started this week, right?”

“Yeah,” he nods. “No classes on Friday, though, which I may or may not have done intentionally. Ah, they’re different. Taking a few different sciences, taking an English class, computer science. Still warming up to the computer science class - they like to make us practically jump through hoops. However, lucky for me, I’m a pro at Microsoft Word.”

“Did you put that on your resume, computer wiz?” Namjoon mocks.

“You know, I should have!” Taehyung snaps his fingers, teeth showing broadly in his smile.

There’s a constant flow of conversation, growing louder as more alcohol is ingested. Jeongguk is particularly susceptive to it now, as his lunch was light and breakfast nonexistent. He’s had three drinks - expertly mixed by Jimin, mind you - and he’s feeling warm, light.

Jimin reveals that he has a surprise for them, before digging into his pocket to reveal a nice amount of ground bud.

“I couldn’t not , with Taehyung coming home and everything,” he says, and it isn’t long before everyone is gathered closely around the table, watching in interest as Namjoon rolls a perfect blunt.

Taehyung got the first hit, trying to be humble about it and pass it off, but the want was too overwhelming. It’s soon being passed around the circle, making the party funnier and the music better. Yoongi takes out his phone and shows them magic card tricks after the third full circle, and Jeongguk doesn’t really comprehend what he’s seeing, the cards and the person’s hands moving too fast.

“Guys, you wanna play truth-or-dare? But, like, with a bottle?” Namjoon asks.

“You mean spin-the-bottle, dumbass?” Yoongi retorts.

“Nah, like, I just thought of it. You spin the bottle and whoever it lands on, you have to kiss them or truth-or-dare them.”

“That has to be the dumbest fucking idea I’ve ever heard,” Hoseok says calmly. “I’m down.”

Luckily, but not surprisingly, there’s an empty bottle right beside the leg of Taehyung’s chair, and they clear off the table in order to get a level surface. Taehyung spins first, landing on Namjoon.

“Aw, Namjoonie-hyung, pucker -”

“I don’t think so,” he interrupts quickly, and Taehyung deflates. “Dare.”

Taehyung looks around for what he has in his arsenal, then reaches for a half-gone bottle of Pinnacle vodka. He holds it up enticingly for Namjoon to see. “Take three, full drinks.”

“Wow, I thought you were going to challenge me.”

He takes it, but still cringes after his second mouthful. With the third, he’s sputtering, reaching beside him for his chaser of coke.

It’s Jimin’s turn now, and he lands on Namjoon as well.

“Ah, I feel bad for you, hyung. Kiss me and get it over with.”

He does, though it’s nothing more than a chaste peck between platonic brothers.

When it comes to be Jeongguk’s time to spin the bottle, it lands on Yoongi.

“Truth or dare, hyung?” He asks, and Yoongi thinks for a moment.

“If I say dare, how bad would it be?”

“You can’t ask that!” Taehyung objects, seeming appalled. “It’s no fun that way!”

“Fine, okay, dare.”

“Take three mouthfuls of Pinnacle as well.”

“Jeongguk, you know I hate vodka.”

“Well, if you don’t want to do it, hyung, you can just take off your shirt for the rest of the game.”

“Guess I’m going shirtless,” he says, and that’s that. His chest is soon bare, his lithe frame on display.

“Is it cold in here?” Hoseok asks.

“Yeah, bit nippy,” Yoongi responds, unbothered.

Jimin kisses Hoseok in the next round, Namjoon translating off-the-wall Korean into English, and Yoongi ends up gunning a beer, but the only thing relatively risqu é that occurs is when Seokjin’s spin lands on Jeongguk. Playing it safe, Jeongguk goes for a truth.

“Jeonggukkie,” he says sweetly, and the younger boy already knows that this isn’t going to go well for him at all. He feels that he should have picked dare. “Who was your best fuck?”

Definitely should have picked dare.

Namjoon almost chokes. “Seokjin-hyung, he’s a teenager - he might still be a virgin.”
This comment gets a scoff from everyone, and then all eyes are back on Jeongguk.

“Hoseok-hyung,” he says calmly, and only two people in the room know it’s a lie. Possibly three.

Hoseok makes a cocky comment and Jeongguk’s eyes slide to meet Taehyung’s. He’s smirking.

Liar , he mouths, and Jeongguk buries himself in another drink.

It seems to start a chain-reaction, as soon all the boys are being bombarded with sex questions and being more open about kissing each other. It’s still a jaw-dropper, however, when Yoongi’s spin lands on Jimin. The older boy, without hesitation whatsoever, leans over, pulls Jimin in by the collar of his shirt, and presses his mouth firmly against his. Jimin lets out a startled squeak at first, but then he relaxes into it. It lasts for a few seconds, but Jimin pushes the elder away when he tries to press more into him.

“Want a room?” Seokjin asks.

“Already have one, thanks,” came Yoongi’s reply.

After another round, Yoongi and Jimin do, in fact, retreat into his room, and Jeongguk decides that he needs something to drink that isn’t alcoholic. He doubts anyone notices him standing up and walking into the kitchen, Hoseok and Seokjin having an animated conversation over a certain television show they both watched, and he opens the refrigerator to find a bottle of water. His balance isn’t the best, and when he goes to shut the door, the heft of it pulls him forward. He catches himself on the cool steel of the appliance, but almost chuckles.

Someone tugs at his arm, spinning him around before properly pinning him against the refrigerator, back flush against it.

Jeongguk blinks, eyes focusing in the dim lighting to see Taehyung’s face less than a breath away. His pupils are blown, eyes a little bloodshot.

“So,” he mutters lowly, quiet enough that their friends in the living room can’t hear them. “Hoseok’s the best fuck you’ve ever had?”

Jeongguk wants to lean into him, but keeps his back rigid. “Hyung, I couldn’t -”

“Couldn’t what?” Taehyung presses when Jeongguk drops off. “Couldn’t let them know that I fuck you so well? That I can make you cum without even touching your dick?”

The words go straight to his cock, making it twitch in such severe interest his head spins.

“I think you’d like them knowing. I think you want them to know who you belong to.” Taehyung leans closer, and Jeongguk slides down a fraction of an inch so that he has to look up at the older boy.

“Hyung, we can’t - I told you - I don’t think -” but the words don’t even sound convincing to him. Nonetheless, Taehyung takes a step back, enough so that Jeongguk can take a breath of air that isn’t contaminated with the smell of him.

“Why?” Taehyung asks in a small voice. “Why did you push me away?”

Jeongguk looks up at him only to see that Taehyung is suddenly transfixed with the bottle he’s holding.

“Because I was getting too attached to you.” Jeongguk admits. He thinks that maybe he can blame it on the alcohol in the morning. “Because I wanted more. Because I know you didn’t feel the same. Because I know about what happened with Hoseok.”

He meets Jeongguk’s eyes. “That’s not -”

“It doesn’t matter, hyung,” he smiles. “I’m over it, yeah? You’re in college now and can fuck whoever you want whenever you want. A relationship would only be a drag on you.”

Taehyung searches Jeongguk’s eyes long and hard, but Jeongguk is still smiling. His face hurts, his heart hurts, even the fingers around his bottle hurt, but he’s still smiling.

The older boy’s throat bobs as he swallows before quietly saying, “Yeah.”

There’s a throbbing headache between his eyes when Jeongguk rolls into his opening shift the next morning, but he supposes that it could be worse. He doesn’t have to work until closing time today, which is a perk, but then he’s left with nothing to do later that evening, which isn’t the best. He supposes that he could start another preparatory unit for his economics class, but he’s already a solid month ahead.

While on his break, his phone vibrates.

To: Jeongguk

From: Taehyung

August 13, 13:05

What time do you get off today?

To: Taehyung

From: Jeongguk

August 13, 13:07

Three

He doesn’t receive a text back, but when his shift is over, the older boy is waiting outside the restaurant on the curb. He has a book bag slung over his shoulder and greets Jeongguk with a smile.

“I thought we could study together. I’ve got a test Monday and Hoseok told me you were getting serious about your grades this year.”

“I, yeah,” he admits. He suddenly feels guilty that the reason he wants his grades to be so good is to get as far away from Taehyung as he possibly can. “Let’s take the subway to my house, first. I’ve gotta grab my books.”

“Oh, yeah, of course.”

The walk to the station is short but quiet. The ride to the stop nearest Jeongguk’s house takes a bit longer, but is as equally silent. It’s only when they surface a few blocks away from their destination does either of them say anything.

“Yoongi-hyung and Jimin, though, huh?” Taehyung thinks out loud. “Didn’t see that one coming.”

“Yeah, neither did I,” Jeongguk admits. “I mean, I could always tell that Yoongi-hyung was always softer on Jimin-hyung than anyone else, but I didn’t think it was because he liked him. I just thought it was because Jimin-hyung is a better person than all of us put together.”

They walk up the steps to Jeongguk’s house, and he pulls out his keys, unlocking the door.

“Dad, I’m home,” he calls out, loudly enough that his father comes in from the living room to greet him.

“Jeongguk, how was - Taehyung.” Jeongguk’s father stumbled over the name, taken aback.

“Hello, Mr. Jeon, it’s nice to see you again,” Taehyung said politely, bowing.

“How’s college?” Mr. Jeon asked, studying the boy.

“Going well. I’m only home for the weekend, of course, to see my parents and bring a few more boxes back with me to Seoul.”

“That’s good to hear. What are you majoring in?”

Jeongguk felt like this was too much of an investigation for him to listen to, and before Taehyung could even answer, he interrupted.

“Dad, Taehyung-hyung and I are going to the library to study. He has a test Monday, and I really need his help in chemistry this year.” The last part was a lie, because Taehyung was almost as bad at chemistry as he was, but it seemed to soothe his father’s questions. “I’m going to go get my books. I’ll be right back.”

He slid past his father, heading for his room.

“Majoring in chemistry?”

Jeongguk resisted the urge to groan at his father’s persistence.

“No, sir. Biology.”

By the time he returned, his father was actually smiling at Taehyung while the boy told him something. This was enough to catch Jeongguk off guard. He wrapped his fingers around Taehyung’s wrist in order to get his attention.

“You ready?”

Taehyung nodded, looking back at Mr. Jeon. “I’ll have to finish another time. It was nice talking to you, Mr. Jeon.”

“I’ll let you know when I’m on the way back,” Jeongguk said as they left. “See you later.”

The second the door had shut, Jeongguk turned to look sharply at Taehyung.

“My dad was smiling at you. My dad never smiles at you.”

“He seemed to have an interest in Biology when he was younger, before he majored in business. He seemed genuinely interested so I was just talking about some of the tests they run at the lab I work at.”

“Are you trying to seduce my dad?” Jeongguk asked, holding his books more firmly. “Because I don’t think he quite likes you that much yet, hyung.”

“That’s a bit weird to think about considering I think I’m just starting to get him to like me again after - what? Three years?”

Jeongguk thought a moment. “Yeah.” He hesitated. “You’re getting old.”

“What makes you say that?”

“You’re getting along with old people.”

“Watch your mouth.”

The library was nearly empty when they arrived, and Jeongguk knew instantly that they probably should have picked somewhere more noise-friendly to study as soon as Taehyung knocked over a woman’s pile of neatly stacked books.

“I’m sorry!” He whisper-yelled. “Here, let me help you pick them up.”

The woman wasn’t terribly upset at him, but Jeongguk could tell that she would have rather not been disturbed.

Taehyung’s test was apparently in anatomy, so his plan for studying was pretty straightforward. He did exercises in his book that focused on specific areas of the body. He was in the middle of working on the human torso when Jeongguk peeked over at him from his own book.

“Didn’t you learn all of that in health class? Like, the leg bone’s connected to the - hip bone , or what the fuck ever.”

Taehyung looked up. “I mean, kinda, but after human structures we’re going to go into mammals. Later on, we’ll cover amphibians. My professor wants us to be able to compare the similarities and be able to tell what’s different. Proof of a common ancestor and all that.”

“Hm. What do you want to do with your degree?” Jeongguk asked.

“You’ll think it’s stupid.”

“No, I won’t. Tell me.”

Taehyung tapped his pencil against the pages of his book for a few beats, debating. “I want to be a college professor and lead research. Yeah, I could do my own independent research for some corporation or study the environment for changes, but I want to be able to teach people that have the same passion I do. I want to be able to see their eyes light up when they realize that Biology is something they want to do. I want to be able to teach students that are going to make breakthrough discoveries for the scientific community. Sure, I could discover some things myself, but why not enable more people to do so? Why send one when you could send an army, you know?”

The older boy’s eyes were downcast as he said this, pencil steadily tapping as if he were nervous.

Jeongguk watched him, his head supported by his fingers. “I don’t think that’s stupid. I think that’s wonderful.”

Taehyung’s tapping stopped. His eyes met Jeongguk’s. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he smiled. “That’s a wonderful thing to want to do.”

“What about you? What do you want to major in?” Taehyung leaned over the table, resting his elbows on the surface as he settled into a more comfortable position.

“Economics,” he replied simply.

Taehyung made a gagging noise.

Jeongguk laughed, nodding. “Yeah, basically.”

“What do you want to major in economics for?”

“Become a market research analyst, make tons of money, obviously.”

Taehyung rolled his eyes. “I’m being serious.”

“Because I like it, and I’m lucky enough to have an interest in a major that has a job market. You are, too.” Jeongguk looked down at his book, skimming a line of chemical equations as they settled back into their own work. “I’ve been looking into a few colleges.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Interested in any?” Taehyung asked.

He scratched behind his head. “There’s this one, in Yeosu, that has a good economics program. I’m thinking about going there. It’s tuition isn’t crippling, and it’s not so far from home that I couldn’t come back on weekends if I wanted.”

Taehyung seemed to ponder this. “You don’t want to go to the university here?”

“I would love to,” he admitted. “I would love to be able to stay with my friends, but I want to go somewhere that will do the most for my education and for my degree. Plus… I don’t think it would kill me to get outside of Busan. I love my hometown, but it will always be my hometown. That doesn’t mean it’s my final destination. Does that make sense?”

“It does,” Taehyung nodded. “That was part of the reason I wanted to go to Seoul. I felt like I wanted to see something more than Busan.”

“It seems like you really like it there,” Jeongguk said.

“I do.” He hesitated. “I get homesick sometimes. I miss my family, my friends. I got so homesick one time that I got on Google and just looked up the places here - the park, the diner, the movie theater. It wasn’t my proudest moment.”

Jeongguk laughed quietly.

It got dark sooner than they expected, and Taehyung looked down at his phone.

“It’s getting close to seven. Do you wanna get something to eat before I walk you back?”

“Can we get takeout?” Jeongguk asked, suddenly starving. “We can take it back to my house and eat.”

“I thought you’d never ask,” Taehyung grinned, packing up his books. He even took Jeongguk’s textbook and slid it in alongside with his. When the younger boy started to protest, Taehyung only shook his head. “Nah, look, I’m making you carry the food either way. You might as well let me make this as easy for you as possible, because I don’t want you dropping mine.”

He stuck to what he said when they had their meals, but Jeongguk would wager that the books were heavier.

Mr. Jeon didn’t seem to be as bothered by Taehyung’s second appearance as his first, smiling openly at him when they arrived back. However, Jeongguk cut their talk short by saying that they were starving and wanted to eat. Upstairs, in his room, they dove into the food.

“They don’t have it like this in Seoul, y’know,” Taehyung said, only just managing to keep his food in his mouth as he spoke. “Like, yeah, sure, they have takeout, but it tastes so different.”

“Because it’s not Busan takeout, dumbass,” Jeongguk poked. “Maybe you should, I don’t know, learn how to cook.”

“I can cook!” he replied indignantly. “I just don’t bother. I’d have to go to the dorm kitchen. Cup noodles are easier, and so is takeout.”
“Then put up or shut up.”

“Rude.”

“I could probably make you a graph on how much money you would save if you cooked for yourself instead of blowing it on shitty takeout and even shittier noodles.” Jeongguk reached for his drink.

“You’ve got too much time on your hands.”

“You should get some thyme on your hands, save yourself some money.”

“I’m older than you - Shouldn’t this be the other way around?” Taehyung asked, stopping.

“Not when you act thirteen, hyung ,” Jeongguk said sweetly.

It was almost nine before they stopped joking around, but as Taehyung was preparing to leave, Mr. Jeon stopped them at the door.

“It’s getting late - Taehyung, you should call your parents and tell them that you’re staying with us tonight. I don’t trust the subway at this hour.” Mr. Jeon looked at Taehyung worriedly.

“Yes, sir,” he responded, pulling out his phone to dial his mother’s number and stepping into the next room to take the call.

Jeongguk looked at his father sideways. “What’s made you decide you like Taehyung?”

“He seems to know what he wants to do.” Mr. Jeon hesitated. “I shouldn’t have always thought he was a bad kid. I was scared he was going to mix you with the wrong crowd, but your friends - they’re good kids.”

“Seokjin-hyung’s almost  in his mid-twenties,” Jeongguk pointed out.

“Like I said, they’re good kids.”

He made a noise of acknowledgment.

Mr. Jeon continued. “And… I don’t know what happened between the two of you before he left, but I’m glad you guys are patching things up. I know he’s important to you, and I didn’t like seeing you so upset.”

He coughed, feeling like he had just swallowed sand. “ What? ”

“I’m not blind, Jeongguk - I knew it had to be with Taehyung. I didn’t know what had happened at first, but when Hoseok was leaving one day, we talked for a few minutes, and he told me that he had gone to Seoul for college. You don’t have to tell me what it was really about if I’m wrong, but I just figured you were upset because he was gone.”

Jeongguk didn’t say anything in response, but he wouldn’t have had time to, anyway, because Taehyung rejoined them then.

“She’s alright with it. Jeonggukkie, you have a phone charger I can use, right?” He asked.

“Yeah, hyung, I’ll get you some clothes to sleep in, too.”

“Okay, good, then,” Mr. Jeon smiled, patting Jeogguk on the shoulder. “I do have to be at work early tomorrow, so I’m going to turn in.”

They exchange good nights, the sudden realization that Jeongguk is going to be alone with Taehyung, in the same bed, hitting him just as they’re walking back into his room. The door closed, and the room was eerily quiet, the tension Jeongguk had learned to deal with when around Taehyung prickling at his skin.

He glanced up at Taehyung, who was already watching him. With stuttering movements, he pulled open his drawers and handed a shirt and a pair of shorts to Taehyung, who accepted them.

“Thanks,” he muttered with a small smile.

Jeongguk turned around to grab an extra phone charger, but when he turned back to the older, Taehyung’s shirt was already being pulled over his chest.

Jeongguk wanted to fall backwards like he had been burned, but his eyes locked onto the boy’s physique. While he had always been aware that Taehyung was attractive, something about seeing his lithe torso, sculpted subtly with muscle, hit him with twice as much force as normal. Perhaps it was because Taehyung was now officially something that he knew he would never be able to truly have, and his innermost human instinct was to want something that he couldn’t have.

“Hyung, I - I really don’t -”

Taehyung froze his movements, holding his shirt in front of him. “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean -”

“No no, it’s fine, it’s just -” His eyes were soaking up every part of Taehyung that was before him. “It’s just… different now.”

Taehyung’s eyes softened, and he looked away. “I’m sorry. I should have realized it wasn’t appropriate. It’s just weird being more formal in front of you.”

“I know.”

The conversation dropped off, and Jeongguk suddenly felt the need for something to take the tensity away. He pulled open a drawer of his desk, hand closing around a prescription pill bottle, his grinder, and a wrap. He cleared out some space on his nightstand before laying everything out.

Taehyung’s interest perked. “Oh, are we smoking?”

“Yeah, that okay? Just need something for a sleeping aid.” Jeongguk’s words sounded an excuse, even to him.

“Yeah, of course,” Taehyung seemed to be smiling, and Jeongguk looked over to him, opening the pill bottle. “When’d you get that?”

Jeongguk looked down at his hands, tilting the lip of the bottle over onto his palm so that a nice nug rolled into it. “It was Hoseok’s idea - locks off air so that it doesn’t smell, and it’s convenient.” He puts it into the grinder, crushing it.

“How are you and Hoseok these days?”

The real question that is unspoken, that Jeongguk hears anyway, rings loud and clear.

“We’re fine.”

“Do you guys still…?”

“No.” Jeongguk finishes grinding, his eyes interested in anything that isn’t looking towards or at Taehyung. He places the ground bud in a straight line in the wrap, rolling it carefully in his fingers before licking the top to seal it. He holds it out to Taehyung with an extended hand.

The older boy takes it, Jeongguk passing him a lighter a moment later.

When Taehyung exhales, the smell of the smoke lingering prettily in the air, he says, “I haven’t smoked since I’ve left.”

Jeongguk smiles a bit, taking the blunt from between the other boy’s fingers. “You’re welcome, then.”

Lazy chatter flows more easily now, Jeongguk’s chest swelling with his high as they pass it back and forth until there’s only a fourth of it left. It’s Taehyung’s turn, and he rests the blunt on the tip of his lips, holding it steady with a relaxed hand. He stops, tilting his head and looking at Jeongguk curiously.

“Have you ever been gunned?”

The term makes his head turn upwards to face him. “What?”

“Have you ever been shotgunned?”

“I mean, yeah, Hoseok’s gunned me before.”

“But has he done it properly?”

Jeongguk laughs, watching Taehyung inhale deeply.

“What do you mean, ‘properly’?”

Instead of replying, Taehyung makes a come-hither motion with his fingers, and Jeongguk leans closer, eyes a little unfocused. Taehyung’s hand grabs at his chin, pulling at his bottom lip to get him to go lax in his mouth. His lips hang open a bit, and Taehyung’s mouth presses into them, exhaling slowly as Jeongguk breathes the smoke in. The action lingers, and Taehyung only pulls away when it was on the borderline of a kiss.

Jeongguk leans back on his hand, holding it for a moment before blowing the smoke in the other boy’s direction. He smiles. “No, Hoseok-hyung always did it with the blunt being backwards into his mouth.”

“He doesn’t know what he’s doing, then.”

“He’s still your hyung,”Jeongguk said teasingly.

“I’m still your hyung.” Taehyung’s eyes flicker up to meet his, as he goes to take another drag. “Again?”

Jeongguk only nods, leaning in and waiting for Taehyung to take a udeep enough pull. His mouth is already partly open, but Taehyung presses his thumb into his tongue anyway, forcing it wider before he exhales down into Jeongguk’s lungs. The rough nature of the movement makes Jeongguk’s eyes want to roll into the back of his head. Taehyung’s thumb slips out of his mouth, allowing it to close as Jeongguk holds it, but then his thumb is pressing on his bottom lip to get him to exhale.

Jeongguk does so, the smoke seeping back onto Taehyung’s face.

“Good boy,” Taehyung purrs, his dark, glazed eyes looking directly into Jeongguk’s as he testingly brushes his mouth against his.

Jeongguk is screaming at himself to get out of the situation, but he’s stoned, and really , really doesn’t want to. Instead, he allows Taehyung to kiss him properly, their lips sliding into one another. He tasted faintly like herb, but it was addicting.

It’s not long before Taehyung is hovering above Jeongguk, mouth latched to a place under his jaw, sucking. He attempts to slide the now-out blunt onto Jeongguk’s nightstand, but his head is facing the wrong direction. He curses when it falls from his fingers.

Jeongguk only giggles in response, giddy, but his breath catches in his throat when Taehyung forces one of his legs open, hitching it around his waist.

“Thought you didn’t want me to do this,” Taehyung breathes heavily into his ear.

Jeongguk shivers, drawing his own lip between his teeth. “You really gonna make me beg you to fuck me?”

“I’d fuck you either way,” he replies, pulling Jeongguk’s earlobe into his mouth, pulling on it with his teeth. “But it’d be irresistible if you did. Would make me hot for you.”

Jeongguk bucks into his hips the second he bites on his lobe, then gives a sultry laugh. “You’re already hot for me, hyung.” He exhales breathily. “Can feel your cock.”

“Wanna feel my cock in you?” He asks, sliding his hand down Jeongguk’s thigh to cup his groin and then laughing darkly. “Oh, you do, don’t you, baby? Bet you miss it.”

Jeongguk tenses at this, at the taunting familiarity in his gut, his hips just grinding into Taehyung’s hand.

“Tell me, angel,” Taehyung whispers, his seducingly sweet voice right in Jeongguk’s ear., the warmth from his breath making him shiver. “You can tell hyung.”

Jeongguk keeps his mouth closed, determined to not let Taehyung break him down so easily yet . But his resolve goes to moot when Taehyung presses his hand down, sliding his palm against where he can feel Jeongguk’s cock. Jeongguk twitches, his lips coming loose and allowing a whine to slide out.

“Come on, baby,” he says painfully low. “Tell hyung how hard you are for him.”

Completely frustrated with the lack of friction, frustrated with how much he fucking wants Taehyung, wants everything about him, he arcs his back into Taehyung’s grip. “So fucking hard, hyung,” he breathes. “Want your thick cock.”

Taehyung moans lightly, pleased with his response.

“Good boy, Jeongguk-ah,” he praises, his deft fingers creeping at Jeongguk’s button, unfastening it in order to slide his hand in and press it flush against his front, feeling his cock more firmly.

“Hyung,” Jeongguk moans, his hands coming up to grip at Taehyung’s waist, trying to pull him closer.

The older boy complies, but then his hand isn’t on Jeongguk’s aching cock anymore. Before he can complain, though, there’s a grip on his hips as Taehyung yanks his jeans from him, kicking them to the floor so that Jeongguk’s legs aren’t as restrained and the tent in his boxers much more accessible. But then Taehyung is pulling down the waistband of his - Jeongguk’s - shorts, pulling their hips together in order to rub them against each other.

Jeongguk gasps, his knees falling open, grip tightening on Taehyung. Taehyung has pulled back from him in order to watch his face, his crinkled brow and agape mouth. Jeongguk meets his eyes, glazed over and hazy with lust.

“Still got lube in your nightstand, Jeongguk-ah?” He asks, and Jeongguk has enough sense to nod. The movement of their hips momentarily stop as Taehyung leans to the side in order to collect it, Jeongguk taking advantage of the time he’d been given to lean up on his elbows, their chest now nearly flush with each other, and kissing sloppily up the column of Taehyung’s neck.

It’s out of character for him, he’ll admit, but he’s so needy for the older boy. He wants everything he can give him, wants to taste him and feel him and god .

He allows himself to bite down on Taehyung’s skin, dragging it between his teeth before kissing it hard. Taehyung’s movements stutter, his body shuddering. His fingers search frantically for the lube.

“You’re being bad for hyung,” he says lowly. “You don’t want to make hyung angry, do you, baby?”

“I’m sorry,” Jeongguk breathes sweetly. “I don’t mean to be bad. Just want hyung’s cock.”

Taehyung’s hand closes around the bottle, but then he hesitates, thinking about grabbing another item while he was searching the drawer. “Condom?”

“Raw, please,” he says back. “Wanna feel just you.”

It’s embarrassing to hear himself say these things, but Jeongguk’s mind is so foggy that he doesn’t feel ashamed at all. If anything, his blunt honesty (Is that a pun? Jeongguk doesn’t know) seems to be spurring Taehyung on, because his boxers nearly rip with the way he tears them off of the younger boy. Taehyung presses one of his legs further open, his fingers already slick with lube as he spreads it around Jeongguk’s puckered muscle. It’s somewhat cold, but Taehyung is likely too riled up to care about warming it with his fingers. Then again, so is Jeongguk.

Taehyung kisses at Jeongguk’s upturned chin, his head thrown back into the pillow as a single, spindly finger breaches him. It’s been awhile since they’ve fucked - been awhile since Jeongguk has fucked, anyway, because he doesn’t know what Taehyung does on his own time - but with the way Taehyung automatically angles the pad of his finger to rub against Jeongguk’s prostate is still so practiced, so precise. It’s only a few seconds later that Jeongguk is begging for a second, his hole eagerly stretching for it.

“You’re such a good little boy for hyung, Jeongguk-ah,” he says, Jeongguk fighting to keep his hips against the mattress. “Hyung’s good boy.” His mouth comes open to suck a bruise beneath his jaw, Jeongguk’s harsh breathing in his ear.

“I’m ready, hyung, I promise, I - ah -” Jeongguk whimpers, cutting himself off when Taehyung twists his fingers, scissoring them in order to stretch him as efficiently as he can with two fingers. He rubs the tips of his fingers directly into his prostate, circling it, but then pulls them out as soon as Jeongguk really begins to enjoy the pleasure.

Jeongguk is quick to help Taehyung get rid of his shorts and underwear, the both of them succeeding in removing the shorts but settling for Taehyung’s underwear to be pooling around his knees. They tighten around them when he spreads his legs to balance himself, hooking Jeongguk’s firm thighs around his waist, but he has more important things to worry about right now.

The head of Taehyung’s cock is being rubbed into Jeongguk’s hole, teasing him in the most cruel manner. He huffs impatiently, casting a look towards his hyung.

“Please, just,” he tries to move his hips down onto the bulbous head. Surprisingly, Taehyung doesn’t hold them down. “Fuck me, Taehyung, just -”

The rest of his gibberish is cut off as Taehyung shoves himself inside of the other boy, completely bottoming out in one go.

Jeongguk’s mouth goes taut, a mewl coming from it, and his face is caught in pleasure. His body goes completely static, eyes stuttering behind his eyelids.

“Fuck, hyung,” he moans wantonly. “Forgot how big you were, how good you stretch me out.”

“Funny,” Taehyung says, almost icily, as he leans down to nip at Jeongguk’s bottom lip, supporting himself with a bent elbow above the boy’s shoulder. He pulls out only slightly, pressing himself back in. Jeongguk whines. “Because I thought Hoseok was the best fuck you’d ever had.”

The small motions are just enough to put Jeongguk into the headspace of need, but not enough to make him completely fucked stupid - but that was coming.

“N-No,” Jeongguk says smally, knowing exactly what he was getting at.

“No?” Taehyung asks, digging their hips together so that the head of his cock was pressed directly into Jeongguk’s sweet spot. His walls clench. “Did you lie, baby?”

Jeongguk’s eyes flutter open, dewy and unfocused, as Taehyung’s fingers come to press into his cheeks, making their eyes meet. “ Ngh , couldn’t - our friends, they -” Jeongguk is too out-of-breath to form a complete sentence.

“Oh, you didn’t want our friends to know how well I fuck you? Didn’t want them to know what a little slut you are for hyung?” He taunts, his grip on his cheeks tightening. Jeongguk moans at his words. “You know you’re hyung’s, don’t you, angel? Know you’re all mine.”

There’s a lightness in Jeongguk’s chest now, one not caused by the weed, but one caused by the implications of his words. This could just be a new form of dirty talk - he’s not sure - but it’s working.

“They’ll know by the time I get finished with you, babydoll - know who you belong to.” His mouth is at Jeongguk’s neck now, kissing and licking along the flesh as he pulls himself nearly all the way out of Jeongguk before slamming back inside of him. The force of it causes Jeongguk’s body to slide the smallest bit up the mattress, a breathy squeal coming from his throat.

Jeongguk decides to test what freedom Taehyung has given him, his fingers finding their way into the older boy’s soft hair as Taehyung really starts to fuck him, Jeongguk’s body opening up to him easily.

It’s animalistic from that point on, Jeongguk providing endless whines and pleas, his hands coming down to dig angry scrapes along Taehyung’s back. It’s so different, being able to touch Taehyung like this without the older boy pinning him down or restraining him. It’s disorienting, but something he could get used to. Part of him soars with satisfaction when Taehyung hisses at the bleeding scratches, knowing it’ll leave marks.

Unsurprisingly, Jeongguk comes undone first, clenching down onto Taehyung like a vice, covering his stomach and Taehyung’s lower abdomen with semen. He nearly cums again when he feels Taehyung release inside of him.

They’re quiet a few moments, Taehyung’s mouth lazily moving along the tender skin of Jeongguk’s neck while they recover their breathing. Then he pulls away with one last, lingering kiss. The bed shifts as he gets up.

Jeongguk could have easily drifted off, his orgasm wiping him of all energy he had, but Taehyung has returned now with a warm, wet rag, wiping off the cum from his stomach and between his legs. Jeongguk makes a pleased sound, stretching loftily.

He thinks he falls asleep then, but wakes up during the night to Taehyung’s arms firmly and warmly pressing him to his chest. His head his cradled in the crook of his collarbone, and he tells himself that it’s the exhaustion that pulls him so easily back into sleep.

Jeongguk wakes up first, rubbing his eyes and stretching. Taehyung has curled to the side, away from him, so he didn’t have to detangle their limbs. He can still feel warmth on his waist, aches in his thighs, and he feels sticky.

Slowly, he removes himself from the bed and peels off his shirt, the only remaining article of clothing from the night before. The sunlight coming in from his window tells him that it must be mid-morning, so his father’s already left for work. Because of this, he doesn’t bother to dress himself when walking down the hallway to his bathroom, a change of clothes in hand.

There’s a lot going through his head, but he isn’t able to ignore it like usual. He’s consumed by such a want for Taehyung that is makes his chest ache, makes it feel as though he can’t breathe, and he knows he’s just starting out a bad cycle for himself. He shouldn’t have allowed things to escalate last night like they did, but he can’t be mad at himself. Taehyung was a good fuck. Taehyung was a good everything.

Jeongguk sighs, turning the water on hot enough to scald his skin. He thinks if it would burn off Taehyung’s marks on him - because they’re there, along his jaw and down his neck - but realizes that’s not what he wants. He turns the heat down a setting.

Afterwards, he creeps back down the hallway to his room. Taehyung is still asleep, on his stomach, leaving his broad shoulders and back on display. There are irritated claw marks down the tan skin, making Jeongguk’s stomach turn. He isn’t sure if it’s with pleasure or with anxiety. Probably both.

He snatches his phone up from his charger, leaving the door ajar behind him as he walks through the living room and into the kitchen. His fingers are already pulling up Hoseok’s contact, dialing.

He waits a few rings, before Hoseok, obviously awaken from slumber, mumbles, “ Hello? ”

“Hyung, hey, sorry, I know it’s early.” Jeongguk’s hand is shaking in front of him.

“ Jeongguk, what’s wrong? You sound weird .” There’s a rustling noise. “ Do you need me to come over? I knew it wasn’t a good idea that Taehyung came and saw you yesterday, but he insisted .”
“No, no, I’m fine,” he says too quickly, too loudly, then covers his mouth with his hand, casting a nervous glance towards the direction of his bedroom. “I just - I - Taehyung - we -” He feels the sudden urge to vomit.

“ Taehyung? ”

“Y-Yeah, he stayed here last night.”

“ Jeongguk ,” Hoseok sounds exasperated, but his voice is still soft. “ What happened? ”

“Nothing, really,” he says lowly, picking at his sleeve. “We just, uh… We fucked.”

There’s a silence on the other end of the line. Jeongguk almost thinks that the call has dropped, but he pulls the device away from his ear to make sure that they’re still connected.

“ I’m not going to scold you, so stop holding your breath like you did something wrong ,” Hoseok says, almost teasingly, and Jeongguk smiles, feeling a bit relieved. “This is a mess. I don’t know - I just - I think I may have been wrong with the way I thought Taehyung was, Jeongguk .” He sighs. “ He - He came to me yesterday after everyone was up and asked how you were doing. Just the two of us. He wanted to know how you had been since he had left, kept asking if you were okay. He seemed, I don’t know, he seemed worried .”

Jeongguk doesn’t say anything to this, only looks down at the linoleum tiling on the floor.

“ He directly asked me if it was okay if he went and saw you, went and spent the day with you. He asked me if it was okay. ” Hoseok made an annoyed sound. “ Am I a bad person for telling him that it was fine? I must be, because now I’ve fucked you up again. I thought - You seemed so - I’m so sorry. ”

“No, hyung, no, it was okay,” Jeongguk says quietly. “It’s good that you told him that. Taehyung and I are supposed to be friends, you know? We needed to regain some of that. It’s okay.” He rubs the spot between his forehead with his thumb, trying to soothe away a headache that wasn’t there. “There’s nothing left to do than to talk about it. You know, I should have done that earlier instead of running from my problems.”

Hoseok makes a noise of disagreement. “ I don’t think you were ready for it then .”

“Yeah,” he says, noncommittally. He lets out a slow breath. “I should go, hyung. Thanks for letting me talk.”

“ ‘Course ,” he replies, and there’s an invisible smile transferred over the line. It’s reassuring.

“See you,” Jeongguk tells him before lowering the phone from his ear. He looks down at it, watching the call end and his background flash back up at him. Then he puts his gaze back towards the direction of his bedroom, taking a steady breath.

Everything seems to be coming back down on him. He feels like he’s trying to solve a puzzle with half of the pieces missing, and he knows why. He does only have one half of the story. Why didn’t he have the nerve to talk to Taehyung earlier? He could have avoided so much mess, so much hurt and heartbreak for himself. It would have been much better than the sorry excuse of a clean break that he had decided upon.

But Hoseok was right. Jeongguk agrees that he doesn’t think he was ready for it, then. He wasn’t ready to plunge into something like that, something so full of emotion that it scared him. He wanted Taehyung so desperately that he didn’t know how to life live without him, how to move on without him here. It’s different now, though, because he knows he’s capable of living without the other boy. He’s already hit rock bottom. He knows what it feels like, and whatever he does now could never cause him to go back to that place. He’s already built himself back up, and if Taehyung doesn’t want him, so be it.

Or so, he tells himself at least. Because he does want Taehyung. Wants him so badly, even if he tears himself to pieces again over it, because he’s so worth it - so utterly, entirely worth it.

He walks back towards the bedroom, the door silently slipping open. Taehyung’s back is still turned to him, breathing even, but Jeongguk is too wound-up to sit back on the bed. He takes his seat in front of the desk, making to grab one of his textbooks and wait until the other boy wakes up.

Before he can properly open it, however, there’s a sleepy groan behind him. Over his shoulder, Jeongguk can see Taehyung flexing his back, still on his stomach.

“Mm, don’t wanna pack stuff up today,” he mumbles.

“Oh, yeah, you leave for Seoul today, don’t you?” Jeongguk asks, not sure if he’s sad or relieved by the idea. “What time is your train?”

“Around two. I’m grabbing some boxes from home while I’m here, need more clothes.”

Jeongguk laughs, almost thinking that they could fall into something comfortable. For a while, they do - a comfortable silence in which Jeongguk isn’t sure if Taehyung had fallen asleep or not.

“I heard you on the phone,” Taehyung says so quietly that Jeongguk jumps.

There were so many ways he could have thought to start the conversation to help it flow more easily into the main point, but Taehyung has always surprised him.

His mouth is suddenly dry and his thoughts blank. He doesn’t know how to respond.

“Jeonggukkie, do you know why I called you on Yoongi’s phone the night I got back?” He asks, his voice still lazy but filled with something Jeongguk can’t place. “I didn’t think you would answer if you saw it was me. You seemed to want nothing to do with me, seemed so caught up in your own life - and I am such a pathetic waste of space for wanting you the way I do, for dragging you back into this.”

Jeongguk swallows, glad that they’re not facing each other, otherwise he might have been tearing up by how many emotions were inside of him. “Why didn’t you say anything that day? Why didn’t you stop me from leaving? You could have just said something, said anything .”

“I was scared of hurting you. I always hurt people because I’m selfish. I - I hurt that girl with Hoseok, God knows why. I didn’t want to hurt her, I swear, I never did.” He shakes his head. “Doesn’t matter, though, because I did, and I saw the way she suffered from it…” He takes a deep breath. “And then I got selfish again because I wanted you. I tried to blame it on you in the beginning because you were such a fucking tease, but it wasn’t your fault that I started to want more than what I was expected. I tried so hard to block you off. I wanted so much to just forget about how beautiful you were.”

“You should have told me,” Jeongguk spits, angry now. “I was fucking miserable the whole time you were gone. I wanted nothing more than to drop off the face of the planet. That’s why I got into my studies so much, so I could stop thinking about you for two fucking seconds !”

He takes back what he was thinking earlier. Yes, he wanted Taehyung more than he could stand, but he’s so angry at him, so enraged by how he’s acting, as though he was the victim in this.

“You’ve got so much nerve to come back home and treat me this way,” he says. “I’ve spent my time getting over you. I thought it was over, I really did, but now you’re coming back with shitty fucking confessions and you think it’ll be okay? You really think it’ll be okay?” He coughs a laugh. “You know what, Taehyung? You’re right. You are pathetic.”

The older boy doesn’t say anything in response.

Jeongguk gets up, tossing his book roughly back onto his desk, it making a loud thud.

“Get the fuck out of my house.”

Taehyung sits up abruptly, turning to look at Jeongguk with pain in his eyes. “Jeongguk, please -”

“I didn’t fucking stutter, Taehyung.” His voice is icy.

Taehyung hurriedly pulls on his clothes, grabbing up his belongings and walks towards the door, his bag slung over his shoulder.

Their eyes meet, a collision of feelings meeting in the middle of them: cold rage spilling from Jeongguk and hot guilt from Taehyung. Even when he would rather punch himself in the face, Jeongguk still feels the urge to kiss him stupid.

Taehyung is frozen in place, one hand on the door handle, the other around his phone.

“What?” Jeongguk spits, knowing that there are tears building in his eyes. He can already feel the knot in his throat. “What could you possibly have to say to me?”

“I love you,” he says, and there’s such a harsh sincerity in his proclamation that Jeongguk knows it’s true, but he’s hurt far too long for Taehyung to be let off the hook like that.

“I don’t care,” he replies, a tear spilling over down his cheek. He covers his eyes with his hands, backing away from Taehyung’s general direction. “Get out - Get out! ”

Taehyung isn’t there when he opens his eyes, and Jeongguk is faced with the terrifying possibility that he’s willing thrown everything he wanted away.