Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

As if the universe tried to be ironic, it was a hot and sunny day with the air so thick that it felt like people were swimming through it.
Ben Solo, formerly known as Kylo Ren, the feared servant of now perished Supreme Leader Snoke, stepped closer, his legs heavy, with his white robes sliding against his thighs until he stopped, on the edge of the execution square.
His family was there, what was left of it, with General Leia Organa-Solo by his one side, and his friends were there as well, Rey and Poe and Chewbacca.
Ben's heart was hurting, however, as this was the execution day of no other than former General Armitage Hux, of the First Order.
The man he once held dear, against his chest, within the tight and desperate hold of his arms.
He was ordered though, by his mother, to stand and watch.
As a form of rehabilitation, she said.
It was cold, and it made him sick to his stomach, but he agreed.
He knew he had to let go of his former life, and tried to be indifferent now, when the day finally came.
He was grateful that there were so few people here. He was sure that otherwise rotten fruits and dead animals would've been thrown at Hux's face and that'd be far worse.
He heard commotion in the back, and couldn't force himself to remain indifferent anymore, and so he turned back, his eyes widening.
Finn and one other former stormtrooper were the ones that pushed Hux forward – his lithe frame even smaller now after days in captivity, his beard grew slightly, and his hair was longer and unkept, with messy strands sliding down his sunken face.
He wanted to reach out, but Rey stopped him by sliding her hand into his, in order to try and calm him down.
"Ben..." she whispered, but Ben's eyes were focused on Hux's profile, on the sweat rolling down his face, on his parched lips that were once plump while they kissed.
It seemed so long ago, like a hazy dream--
And Hux was focused on the ground, walking as if he accepted his fate...
"Ben!" Rey hissed at him and he noticed that he extended his hand, trying to touch Hux one more time, maybe yank him out of the shackles, and run away...
He watched how they pushed Hux on his knees, with little to no resistance. Ben was grateful that Finn at least tried to look like it didn't give him massive satisfaction, possibly under Rey's guidance.
Hux's dogtags slipped, and Ben felt like they shouldn't be like that, they should be in his hand as he tugged at the chain, bringing Hux closer with them as they dug into the back of Hux's neck...
Someone started to read out Hux's offences, as if the entire galaxy didn't know them already, and Ben tried to tune them out, tried to send out calming messages to Hux's mind, trying to ask him for forgiveness, for not doing more, for not saving him-
His chest swelled as he watched Hux's hunched form, the usually tightly pressed and tidy material of his uniform now crampled and covered in dirt.
And then, as they lowered their blasters to fire, he saw how Hux looked up, his still bright, green eyes piercing him, almost forcing Ben to fall back and yet he remained in place, withstanding the other's gaze...

Hold me, Ren...

And it was all that was needed to break Ben, what he heard in his head, a direct message from Hux, desperate and exhausted at the same time.
"Hux..." he whispered, hoarsely, his voice almost stuck in his throat as he pulled his hand up from Rey's grip. His brown eyes glinted, as he pulled his hand to his lips, as if he was going to send him a kiss.
And then the blasters fired, a zapping sound cutting through the thick air, and all seemed to not matter when all he focused on was Hux's heartbeat, heavy and increased, his gaze still on Ben's, until the shots that were fired rammed into his former lover's chest, forcing him to bounce back a few times against the pole, before the glint in his eyes died, and a drip of blood ran down his chin.
"Hux!" he finally unfroze, as he heard his own voice - alien to him, almost. Ragged and desperate as well - and neither Rey or Leia stopped him as he ran towards Hux's lifeless body.
He fell on his knees with a thud, ignoring Finn's pitiful look, his hands wandering to Hux's face, as he pulled the messy, sun-painted hair away from it.
"Hux, I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry..." he wrapped his arms around the other's frame, pulling him closer, and violent sobs escaped him finally, as he was unable to hold them back anymore.
He didn't care that they saw it, at his weakest. Let them know what they took away from him.
He'll forgive them, though.
This is what all of this was about.
Hux took this away from billions, and his family took it from him.
In the long run, it was a reasonable exchange.
Maybe in time he'll heal.
Maybe in time he won't feel a thing towards this mess of ginger hair that he kissed so often and slept while drooling into it, and maybe he won't feel a thing towards this slender frame, the bright, green eyes and steady hearbeat that was now gone.
Maybe.
He thought, as he caressed the back of Hux's head and planted last kisses against it, while his hands felt how Hux's body slowly went cold.

Chapter Text

General Leia Organa-Solo watched her son as he cradled Armitage Hux's limp frame, observed how violent sobs shook his wide and strong body and wild howls escaped his clenched throat.
Whoever else looked at her, within the small gathering, would see a stoic figure of an old woman, with her hands clasped behind her back, her uniform worn with pride.
But when someone like Rey glanced at her from up close, she could see how Leia's throat moved just barely, out of sight, and a glint appeared in her eyes, and to a bystander it could seem like she was simply bothered by the relentless sun.
Both Finn and Poe, usually chirpy folk, stood firmly in place, with their heads lowered, and Finn knew it'd be hard to look Ben in the eyes for a long while.
Luke was always in the background, away from the scene, and he will have to work on forgiving himself for forcing Ben Solo to remain frozen in place, until the deed was done.
And they all waited till there was nothing left in Ben, aside from shaky whimpers and anger, and when Hux's body was as cold as the night.

He was in his room, trashing the place until there was nothing left in it from so little that was there to begin with.
He felt empty too, and perhaps that was what this whole mess was about.
Finally, he sat on the floor, with Hux's heavy coat in his arms, desperately scavenging whatever was left of Hux's scent on it.
He was grateful that he managed to salvage it, keep it out of their touch and minds.
It was late at night when he pulled up his heavy eyelids, feelinga familiar presence lingering in his room.
"Who's there?!" he asked, as he scrambled upwards, his chest heavy.
He eased up when he saw that the room he occupied was empty.
But there was still a hint of hope in him...
"I never believed in such things" he heard a familiar voice, and his head spinned. He must've been tired, hearing things. "And yet... here I am, somehow."
His heart hammered.
"Hux..?" he asked, unsure.
And yet when a blueish apparition of Hux's frame stood near him, with his hands clasped behind his back and his head held high, he knew it was real, as distorted and jittery as it looked, like a wounded animal.
Of course, Hux's life ended just a few hours ago.
He wanted to say something, but all the words that he could think of dried in his throat. Nothing seemed good enough.
"You held me, Ren" Hux's Force ghost smiled, as he glanced at the mess of a man under his feet. "I came here to thank you for that" he lowered himself and crouched before him, his form distorted further, with his hand extended as he reached out to touch Ben's cheek.
If he was still alive, he could feel the heavy tears that rolled down to his lover's jawline.
"In fact, you held me so tight that for a moment I believed my chest would breathe again" Hux's expression eased up. "Cry, if you must. I won't be here for long. But I'll be with you. You'll feel me, Ren" he brushed his thumb against Ben's cheek.
"Hux..." Ben whispered hoarsely. "They had no right! They-" Hux shook his head and placed his ghostly finger against Ben's shaky, plump lips.
"They had every right, Ren. I took this from all those people as well. It had to be done, to fix this rotten galaxy. And now it's your job to rebuild it. You need to know that I'll be by your side. You need to be strong" Ben pulled his hand up at that, the trembling thing, and tried to press it against the edge of Hux's cheek. And even when he felt no warmth or no solid surface despite sliding past the shiny edges, Hux leaned into the touch.
"But I want to do it with you by my side, I want to feel your touch again, I want..." Ben let out a pathetic whine as he realized that he'll never have those things and there was no point in begging.
"You will. In your dreams, I'll come to you" Hux sounded certain, firm. "Look out for me there, Ren..." his form started to fade, and Ben realized what sort of strong will it took for a non-Force user to appear in such way in front of him, just hours after they perished in this world.
What sort of need Hux must've felt himself to be with Ben one more time...
"Hux, please..." his fingers bent slightly and trembled viciously. "...please, don't go..." he felt small, weak, his voice barely a whimper.
"Be strong, Ren" Hux whispered, as he leaned in to plant a kiss on Ben's lips, and when he opened his hazel eyes again, Hux was gone.
And Ben collapsed onto the floor again, his sobs disappearing into Hux's coat, the only physical connection they had left...
But now Ben knew, after Hux's reassurance, that he'll have enough strength to pick himself up and that his tears will dry.
They both were extraordinary in that regard, and he'll make sure that Hux's death won't be in vain.