Work Text:
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this work is a prequel to Plum blossom around 4 years before 😌
two stories are about JayHoon's domestic life with their daughter, but you can read them separately without missing smth
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ten - lie with you
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“Your daddy thinks everything in the world should be arranged for his convenience,” Sunghoon ties his shoelaces, slings his jacket over his shoulder, and pulls his keys from the top shelf.
He's trying to remember how many times he's asked Jay to do something about that stupid closet by the entrance. Move that huge thing, take it apart, replace it. Sunghoon agrees to anything. Mei waits patiently for her father to pack up and take her to class. Why is he so unhappy with the shelf? Although, of course, she's always asking for gloves or an umbrella, which usually rests on the top shelf. Today, she almost fell, trying to climb up and get the keys by herself without the help of her parents.
“But did it all work out?” Jay finds out all about it tonight, back from work.
He slides a palm into his daughter's brown hair and flips the long strands over her forehead, watching the girl try to blow them away. Mei turns around and uses both hands to scoop up Jay's bangs, making funny horns and laughs.
“Daddy, look! We've got someone... A goat?”
Sunghoon arranges Mei's carefully ironed purple dress on a chair while Jay plays with their daughter. Sunghoon is tempted to agree with the girl and glances unkindly at the carefree Jay.
“That's right, little girl! And how did you guess right!” Sunghoon smiles at his daughter, while Jay turns a surprised look at his partner.
“Why so sarcastic?” Jay keeps smiling so Mei won't suspect that the elders are arguing.
Finishes straightening the dress's sash, Sunghoon checking the time. He walks over to the crib, where his family members are still having fun. "We'll continue playing tomorrow, but now it's bedtime," he says.
He sits down next to Jay, tucking his daughter's hair behind her back and brushing it gently with his fingers. Sunghoon pulls back the blanket, and the little girl climbs into it. After giving Mei a goodnight kiss, he leaves, letting Jay sit with his daughter until she falls asleep.
Sunghoon has time to drink warm milk, check his shooting schedule for the next day, and stow an extra flash and camera lens in his bag. Sunghoon lazily lounges in the shower, and when he returns, his husband is already sniffling into the pillow. He snorts, genuinely displeased that Jay fell asleep and didn't wait for him.
Jay gets up unexpectedly with the sunrise and realizes that he woke up much earlier than the alarm clock. He doesn't consider himself an early bird but work sometimes forces him to be. Sunghoon rolls over and rests his cheek against his husband's shoulder.
“Why are you awake?” Sunghoon doesn't open his eyes, and his voice is hoarse from sleep. Jay is overcome with a wave of tenderness from head to toe. Sunghoon always manages to understand him without words and see him with his eyes closed. Jay thinks that since he's awake so early and doesn't need to wake Sunghoon, they can spend this time doing more interesting things than sleeping.
He takes his other half's face in his palms, blows hot breath over his lips, and kisses him deeply. Sunghoon squeezes his eyes shut harder and lets Jay pull him close, almost on top of him. Jay warms his neck and shoulders with his lips, and he gradually awakens from the insistent caress.
Sunghoon sinks into the soft pillow, into the cream-colored sheet with its dark brown pattern—branches of wood spreading out in all directions. Jay rests her elbows just above his hubby's shoulders, and the twigs on the sheets grow new, and the fabric spreads out in folds.
Jay adores the sleepy Sunghoon. His skin is warm, and it's worth lifting the edge of the blanket a little to let the coolness in. His skin is covered in goosebumps. Jay bites the sensitive spots, gently spreads Sunghoon's thin legs, and slides down, settling between them. Sunghoon pulls the blanket up, covering himself up to his neck. He covers them both and leaves only Jay's feet sticking out.
Through the blanket, Jay hears his beloved muffled sweet moans. Sleepily, Sunghoon is malleable and obedient. He does not seek to lead but accepts Jay's affection. Sunghoon's body is warm plasticine, and he’s ready. He asks, “I need you, honey.”
Jay gets out from under the blanket and kisses the dry, slightly open lips.
Sun streaks across the wall, painting a light on Sunghoon's forehead. Jay blinks, distracted for a second, tracing the sun, just in time to remember.
“The doors...” he rolls over to get up and close them, but Sunghoon catches his husband's wrist and does not let go.
“I closed it yesterday.”
Jay smiles the way only Cheshire cats do: wide and overly pleased. He remarks about Sunghoon's foresight and returns to his interrupted activity. He loves Sunghoon leisurely, gently giving him the pleasure he deserves. The morning temperature grows hotter, and so does the atmosphere in the room. Sunghoon grabs Jay’s hand and completely surrenders himself to the fiery waves coming from him.
“Why did you lock the doors last night?” Jay asks afterward when a lukewarm Sunghoon settles into his side. Jay breathes in the sun from his mussed head, and Sunghoon pulls the blanket higher again, unwilling to let go of the warmth.
“I wanted to talk,” Sunghoon reaches up for a kiss.
“Did we?” Jay teasing.
Sunghoon's usually focused, watching him, tending to Mei. Weekdays don't leave much time for leisurely caressing. And lately, they've been having frequent quarrels and a lot of silences. But Sunghoon is lying next to him with his legs intertwined with Jay's, still as precious and beloved as ever.
“It's for Mei's birthday present,” Sunghoon stretches, touches the side of the bed with his fingers, and hastily rests his palms on his husband's shoulders. Jay doesn't sense the catch yet, admiring the slim and affectionate body of his Sunghoon. “I know what we can do to make her happy, Jay! I think you'll be pleased when we congratulate her, too!”
An hour later, chewing his breakfast hastily, Jay thinks Sunghoon locked the door so that Jay won't run out of the room in scary.
Mei ties her hair into a ponytail as Jay checks to see if her daughter is packed. Standing on the doorstep, he throws on his jacket. Sunghoon digs in next to him, shaking off his daughter's windbreaker. He doesn't even look toward his hubby, who's fiddling with the cuffs.
“Sunghoon, seriously, we can't buy her a piano!” Jay speaks in a half-whisper and glances around to make sure Mei isn't on the horizon. “It's expensive. Plus, where to put it!”
“Who decided that she should play the piano and sing?” Sunghoon is indignant.
“She can play at school!”
“She's having difficult tasks that must be practiced at home!”
“We don't have room for a piano!”
“Because here,” Sunghoon says, kicking the annoying loker who doesn't care about anything, ”is this! We could rearrange it, and there'd be enough room for a piano!”
Jay fidgeted with the buttons he couldn't manage. And the mention of his favorite shelf once again infuriates him.
“We're not cleaning anything!” Jay grabs his keys and puts them in his pocket. “Mei! Let's go!”
He's about to turn around and go downstairs. But Sunghoon calls out.
“Oh, stop right there!” Sunghoon gets in front of him. He buttons up Jay's shirt, puffing and bubbling with indignation. Jay blinks, calms down, and looks at Sunghoon gratefully. “Look at him; he's going to work dressed like this. Get mad all you want, but I'm not changing my mind!”
Sunghoon tries not to say a word about their daughter's gift for the next few days. He sincerely hopes that Jay will be conscientious.
They still have time, so Sunghoon isn't too worried. Just once, when Mei tries to climb up on the shelf again to get the umbrella, Sunghoon slams his fist on the door in a frenzy. The flimsy handle cracks at the edge of it and drops off.
“Great!” Sunghoon unscrews it completely, replaces it with a hook, and hangs his daughter's umbrella there. “Richie, don't touch it!”
The dog sniffs the umbrella and turns around in response to his master's call. He indignantly as if to say, “What do you take me for?” And Sunghoon chuckles.
“Sorry,” he laughs and strokes the pet, ”I know you won't chew on it.”
Jay doesn't notice the “upgrade” until morning, clinging to the umbrella with his knee.
“What's it for? You should put it upstairs,” Jay tries to put it back on the shelf, but Sunghoon protests.
“Don't even think about it! Mei can't reach it like you don't know. Until we move the shelf, it'll just hang there!”
“We're not moving the shelf! Sunghoon, she'll grow up!”
Sunghoon throws his camera bag and supplies on his shoulder.
“He belongs in the museum,” Sunghoon kisses his daughter and quickly runs to work.
He knows his job well and schedules his work around overlaps. Even so, it's impossible to anticipate everything. Accidents happen: models get cranky, the power battery breaks, it's too windy or sunny, or hastily created conditions. Most of those Sunghoon hate it when filming is delayed.
Today, he realizes there's no way he can get Mei back in time.
“What kind of moron organizes photo shoots on deadline!” He resents his longtime friend Jungwon, with whom he crosses paths while working on another project. Sunghoon calls Jay for the third time, but the answer is only a dial tone. “What the fuck is he doing?!” Sunghoon takes the phone away from his ear with hatred.
“He's usually working late,” he says uncertainly, ”you said it yourself..."
“I know! But that's no reason not to answer the phone! I'll kill him at home–” Sunghoon interrupts when he hears the ringtone of an incoming call. He quickly swipes his finger across the screen, accepting the call. “Jay! What the hell? Never mind, though... I need you to pick up Mei; I can't make it in time.”
In response, Sunghoon hears his partner's rapid speech.
“Sunghoon, slow down. I'm running late today.”
“Are you kidding?” Sunghoon stares at the point in front of him without blinking. “You can't even pick her up at your office?”
“Stop panicking,” Jay is distracted by a conversation with a coworker, and Sunghoon hisses venomously into the receiver. Jungwon makes a sign that it's time for Sunghoon to end the conversation, too, but Sunghoon just waves it off. “I'll call the teacher and ask her to stay late with Mei. And then you can pick her up.”
“Jay!”
“I have to go. See you at home.”
Jay passes out before Sunghoon can utter another venomous, “I'll strangle you.”
“Sunghoon!” Jake, longtime buddy and now project manager, touches the photographer's shoulder. “Are you okay? It's time to start shooting.”
“Jungwon, tell the models we're starting! And make them work faster! So much time wasted!” Sunghoon grabs the camera. He walks briskly toward the set, passing by Jake, who looks surprised at his impulse.
“I thought I was the project manager,” Jake grins as he watches Sunghoon take a test shot. “Come on, Jungwon, take charge since Sunghoon said so!”
Jungwon only snorts but goes hell for leather to the stuff, knowing that his friend wants to finish earlier. In the meantime, he explains to Jake why Sunghoon was so rushed with the filming.
“Sunghoon,” Jake finds his friend at the end of the photo shoot. “Jungwon told me... I can give you and your daughter a ride home. It’s on my way.”
Sunghoon gratefully agrees. “Really? Jakey, it would be great! Thanks, mate!”
He anticipates a tense explanation with Jay at home and doesn't think taking public transportation with Mei at a late hour is a good idea.
“Daddy, who's that?” Mei looks at Jake with great interest, and he smiles at the little girl in the mirror. “He looks like a prince, Dad!”
Sunghoon looks embarrassed, and Jake laughs.
“Then you're a princess!” Jake plays along with the girl, “Who gave you such a beautiful dress?”
“Daddy Hoon always buys me dresses!” Mei brags with her nose proudly up.
A tired-looking Sunghoon puts off confronting Jay for later. He eats his dinner silently and goes to bed without waiting for his husband.
A few days later, Jay says, “We're reorganizing, so there's more work to do, and we'll have to stay late more often." Mei sits on his lap, leafing through a folder of documents. Jay watches her to ensure she doesn't mix things up, but he doesn't take the papers out of her hands.
“I'm very happy for you,” Sunghoon puts a bowl of apples next to his family. He picks a bright red, ripe one and takes a bite. “I've got a lot to do, too, and the project is on fire. Let's try to get through this time peacefully, shall we?”
“Why are you overreacting to everything?!” Jay is perplexed.
“Why do you don’t care?!” Sunghoon becomes even more perplexed and impatiently destroys his apple. “You could have listened to me when I asked for... you know. Or pay more attention to me and Mei when that day. Your carelessness is sometimes astounding.”
Mei blinks and distracts herself from looking at Jay's folder, noticing the growing tension.
“Daddy,” the little girl remembers her other father's work, 'Is Jake still bringing us home somehow? I have class again tomorrow! Is he coming?”
Jay freezes and looks at Sunghoon suspiciously. His daughter's words are news to him. Sunghoon hadn't said a word about that incident, and Jay was sure they'd return home by taxi. Except there was no scandal, though Jay was ready for one.
Jay knows Jake. They met three or four times, and Sunghoon introduced him as his colleague and buddy. They've been working together for more than a year. Sunghoon puts aside his apple ponytail and shakes his head. He can feel his other half's gaze burning through him.
“Maybe, honey. If Daddy can't make it again, I'll ask Jake.”
Sunghoon isn't even surprised at how prophetic his words are.
Mei chats with Jake all the way home and bombards her father with questions. Jay has to hear enough about Jake in one evening to hate him.
“When does your project end?” Jay watches his half change his clothes, stretch, and climb into the welcome warmth of the blanket. Sunghoon counts the days but gets confused by the dates and takes his time answering. He leans in to get a kiss from Jay, but he clutches his shoulders and pulls away. Sunghoon wiggles an eyebrow. “When, Sunghoon?”
“By the end of the month. What's the matter, love?”
“Nothing,” Jay lets go of his husband. He's angry with an uncomprehending Sunghoon, who watches as Jay turns away and closes his eyes.
“Maybe we can decide something about a gift for Mei–”
“Not the piano!” Jay raises his voice. “We can pay for extra hours at school or tutoring, Hoon. But we won't buy her a piano. Our neighbors can't get used to Richi. If we give them music nights too–”
“If we pick her up on time, we won't bother anyone!”
“I can't pick her up on time! Why don't you ask Jake to bring you back early?” Jay doesn't notice the moment he becomes painfully sarcastic. He doesn't see how he's offending his beloved with his words.
“Good night, Jay,” Sunghoon shuts off the blanket and falls into a restless sleep.
Jake notices Sunghoon's tiredness immediately. However, he has his own work, so he puts hot coffee and milk in front of Sunghoon and leaves almost immediately. Sunghoon finds him in the evening when everyone is starting to say goodbye.
“Thank you,” Sunghoon smiles, thanking him for the coffee. Jake nods absently but quickly pulls himself together. “Is there a problem?”
Jake twitches the tip of his lips. And Sunghoon knows that's what gives away his nervousness.
“I know you're busy with your daughter,” Jake begins, ”but we have extra shoots on Friday and next week. And all for tonight.”
“Оh-”
“I said if you accepted, you'd get twice as much.”
“Sounds good,” Sunghoon figures that the amount for these days is a nice sum. So much that it would be enough to buy a piano. Sunghoon smiles as he imagines telling Jay about it. In his mind, he's already sawing down the unfortunate shelf at the entrance. But only one thing prevents him from agreeing to it immediately: if he had someone to leave his daughter with. Otherwise, he wouldn't hesitate for a second.
“You could come with Mei,” Jake suggested, as if reading someone else's mind. He adds with a chuckle. “She'll keep Jungwon entertained because he's always bored.”
“Deal.”
When Mei shows up in the studio, she's surrounded by attention. Sunghoon’s coworkers ask where she's from, but the girl is frightened by the attention and hides behind her father. He carries a heavy bag with a camera and the necessary accessories and thinks about how to get his daughter to Jungwon as soon as possible.
A young woman from the staff leans over to the little girl. The red lipstick annoys Sunghoon in advance. And he gets even more annoyed when he hears: “She's so pretty! Just like her mom!”
Sunghoon tries to control his facial expressions and come up with a quick response, but the perky Mei is ahead of her father.
“I don't have a mom. I have a daddy.”
The girl looks up at Sunghoon in astonishment, mistaking him for a single father. He can tell she's ready to apologize, but Sunghoon stops her with a wave of his hand.
“Please don't–”
“Mei! My princess has arrived,” Jake walks up just in time, returning the attention to himself. The staff disperses, and Jake squats down, the girl peeking from her father's back.
“Jake!” she runs out, forgetting all fears.
The shoot lasts several hours, but Sunghoon is happy with the results. Jungwon entertains Mei while Jake takes her around the set. The girl proudly holds Jake's hand and feels very important. As the head of the project, Jake has open doors everywhere, and Mei knows she’s safe with him.
The staff and models begin to disperse, and Sunghoon sneaks a few shots of the happy daughter with Jake. But Jake does notice and approaches the photographer.
“Shall we ask Daddy to take a shot of us in the scenery?”
Jake poses good-naturedly and gently places the girl in his lap.
“Jake! You're so handsome! You look like a prince!” Mei wraps her arms around his neck. Sunghoon laughs. The flash illuminates the set with a steady light. He takes a few more shots to choose the best one. “When I grow up, will you marry me, Jake?”
Sunghoon rolls his eyes. He quickly stows the camera in his bag, puts the lens next to it, and zippers it up. It's the first time he's ever observed his daughter liking someone so much. But he stays silent, curious how Jake will handle the situation. Sunghoon knows that Jake is smart, but Mei, after all, is also brilliant.
“I'll be too old and ugly when you grow up,” Jake laughs.
“Then we'll have to get married early,” she concludes. She runs up to her father and looks trustingly into his eyes. “Daddy, Daddy! Please! Can I marry Jake? Jake's good!”
Sunghoon looks at his friend. A couple of years ago, Mei asked to buy a dog: “Daddy, doggies are so nice!” Jake comes closer, jingling his car keys. Sunghoon feels grateful to him but still can't resist a barb.
“I'll allow it. But only if he's still pretty!”
*
A few days later, Jay notices a picture of Mei with Jake. Sunghoon retouches the photo on the big screen, sipping his third evening coffee. Jay frowns.
“Don't you want to explain anything? What the hell is this?” Jay folds his arms across his chest. “And you can't have that much coffee, remember, Sunghoon.”
“Yep,” Sunghoon says, not taking his eyes off his work. He saves the photo and moves on to the next one. The monitor screen brightens his figure. Jay hesitates to turn on the big light. For some reason, Sunghoon prefers to work with a desk lamp, which illuminates the space needed. “We should get it to the printer before morning. And what you call “it” will help us buy a piano.”
“Don't start, please. We've made up our minds.”
“You're the one who's decided,” Sunghoon turned around in his chair and looked at his hubby intently. “Jay, what's happening to us? We haven't even talked normally this whole month.”
Jay looks down at Sunghoon. He can hear the reproach.
“I'm working, dear.”
“Me too,” Sunghoon shrugs calmly. “But somehow, I find time for you and Mei. I know it's hard for you, but you don't even ask how we're doing.”
“You,” Jay comes closer and pokes his finger at the monitor, ”make time for this, too.”
Sunghoon covers his eyes and takes a deep breath. He realizes that his husband simply can't hear him. Why has it become so hard to reach Jay's heart? Was it jealousy or pride?
“Jake helped me when–” Sunghoon raises his eyes to the stubborn Jay.
“I don't want to hear about him anymore!”
“You're overreacting!”
“Sunghoon! You let yourself get carried away so easily!” Jay leans on the chair's armrests. Jay feels like screaming at the top of his lungs, but he holds back - Mei is asleep in the next room.
Jay looks into her partner's eyes and finds only sadness in them. Their incomprehension shatters Jay. He’s cackles like a beast. Sunghoon isn't stupid; why let Jake get close to him so easily? Allow him to become crucial to Mei? Jay wants to block the entrance and keep the two of them, husband and daughter, in.
“Why is Jake helping you? Dropping Mei off and messing around? How many times have you two kissed? Or do you think we couldn't have done it without him?”
“You know, sweetheart,” Sunghoon says, tiredly pushing Jay's hands away and turning around in his chair. “If you want to yell at me, wait until the weekend. I'll take Mei to class, and you'll have a few hours to speak–”
“Do you even hear what I'm talking about?!” Sunghoon's ostensible calmness strikes Jay. Why does Sunghoon stop talking to him when he remains so impenetrable when talking about Jake?
Sunghoon's voice is muffled, and the darkness emphasizes it.
“You think I have something with Jake. He's not the problem at all.”
“Then why are you protecting him?”
Sunghoon rises from his chair, quite unexpectedly for Jay. He takes his hand and leads him out of the room.
“You stupid ass! Stubborn and stupid!” venom comes out of Sunghoon's sharp tongue. He doesn't allow himself to speak loudly, but whispering scares Jay even more. “Jake-Jake-Jake-Jake! You see nothing but your jealousy! I'm sleeping in Mei's room tonight, and don't even come near me!”
Finished with his work, Sunghoon hugs his daughter. He smiles, remembering the picture of her with Jake. The little girl looks like a princess, and she proudly holds her back like an aristocrat. Her fingers are as thin as those of a real pianist. Sunghoon is sure she'll pursue music—maybe not piano. He doesn't know if she'll sing or become a composer. He is ready to support his daughter in everything.
He can't sleep for a long time. Mei lies on his shoulder, and Sunghoon tries not to toss and turn not to wake her up.
Sunghoon remembers the warm morning with Jay when he first told him they needed a piano. He knows that he has no one else in this world to lean on. Other than his husband and daughter, he has no family. Since he's been living with Jay, his family has refused to support him. So why are there so many stupid thoughts in Jay's head?
Resentment burns a hole in his heart with every word. Can't Jay see he's hurting himself with his suspicions? Is his selfishness destroying the fluttering petals, crushing them with rough movements, and letting them go to the wind?
*
At the end of the day, Jake gives Sunghoon his traditional ride home. Yet another setback delays them longer than usual. Jake drives confidently, but Sunghoon realizes that his friend is just as tired as he is. They talk lazily. Jake’s soft laughter warms his heart. The car stops in front of the house, and Jake reaches into the backseat to hand Sunghoon his bag.
“I'm sorry I'm not walking you back to your apartment,” he jokes.
“It sounds like we're on a date,” Sunghoon shifts the bag to his lap and bites his tongue, realizing what a weird thing he's said. But Jake is resourceful and helps Sunghoon out.
“Well, I'm not the baddest choice,” Jake glances at Sunghoon, who is in no hurry to get out of the car. As if apologizing for the awkwardness, he sits back, thinking he'll bring the conversation back to its typical friendly tone. But something prevents Sunghoon from thinking straight. He recalls Jay's question, “How many times have you two kissed?” He feels like saying, “None. I swear, not once!”.
Sunghoon looks at Jake’s lips. He only chuckles again and leans closer. A warm palm outlines his cheekbones and lingers on his neck. Jake looks into Sunghoon's eyes, searching for confirmation of his wordless question. Sunghoon is the first to step forward.
Jake opens Sunghoon's lips with his tongue, sharing the flavor of sweet mint. Sunghoon sinks in the chair, the unbidden kiss becoming more confident. Sunghoon pulls Jake by the neck. The sensation is new and stupefyingly forbidden. Jake is also attentive to other people's desires. He swallows the air from Sunghoon's lips, gently touches the bottom one, and pulls back.
“Get some rest,” Jake says, ”I'll see you at work.”
Sunghoon nods and walks home.
He catches Jay with a cup of strong tea. Jay looks at Sunghoon, knowing there is no transportation at this late hour, which means he's been with Jake again.
Jay lingers her gaze on his husband's face. To Sunghoon, this seems like the first time he has seen so much unspoken pain.
“Sunghoon, listen...,” Jay takes his hand. There's no anger in him for the first time in a month. A crease gathers between his eyebrows. Sunghoon stares at the familiar features of his face, and shame chokes him. He pulls his hand away sharply. He grabs his household things and runs off to Mei's room, unable to see the desperation in his other half's eyes.
“He saw everything! What have I done?”. Sunghoon is scared out of his wits. He curls up next to Mei. He hears the lonely creaking of the bed as Jay lies down on it.
Sunghoon holds back the urge to go and lie down beside him. Apologize. But he's so ashamed he's afraid to say a word.
The next night, Jay sends a message saying he'll be back late and not to expect him. He does the same thing another day. Sunghoon drinks four cups of coffee, texts Jay that things can't go on like this, and falls asleep on the blanket in their room.
Sunghoon's greatest fear is losing Jay.
He met Jake a week before Mei's birthday. Jake holds out two packages to Sunghoon.
“I'm going on a business trip tomorrow, so I'm giving them to you now. One pack is for you, and one is for Mei. Congratulate her for me.”
Sunghoon hesitantly takes the packages. He still hasn't been able to explain himself to his husband. But at least he's warmed by Jay's coming home at night. He hugs him when he thinks Sunghoon is sleeping and then falls asleep himself.
“What's in it for me?”
“As a sign of respect for the completion of the project,” Jake smiles. “You worked hard, and I am grateful to you. You can now relax with your family.”
Sunghoon understands, “Buddies?”
“More than ever! I guess I'll have to learn not to age to stay pretty for Mei!” Jake laughs. Sunghoon playfully punches him in the shoulder.
Sunghoon barely has time to put Mei to bed before Jay comes home. They stay silent at dinner but don't conspire to sit at the table together. Sunghoon doesn't know where best to start. He finishes his tea and leaves it by the sink. He watches Jay pour the milk into the glass and… can't take it anymore. He turns around and goes to their room.
Sunghoon is confused about everything that happened between them. He stops in the middle of the room, not knowing where to put himself. Jay's footsteps are quiet. He wraps his arms around Sunghoon from the back, pulling him close.
Jay is the vastness of outer space, and Sunghoon is drowning in it. He is the hot summer, burning the fragile shoots.
Sunghoon covers his arms crossed across his chest.
“I missed you, love,” Jay whispers. Sunghoon feels like youth: the tips of his ears burning from Jay's whisper. The universe grows in his chest. And it's impossible to contain it.
“Me, too, Jay! Me too–”
Sunghoon turns around and kisses wherever he only can. Jay picks him up in his arms and carries him to the bed.
The branches turn green. The tree buds and leaves sprout from the hot sun.
“Doors?” Sunghoon lifts himself on his elbows, trying to crawl out from under Jay. But he squints his eyes slyly.
“I closed it. I've had enough of your running away from me.”
Sunghoon relaxes and falls back down. Jay bites the skin between his ribs, making sure no mark is visible. Small kisses move higher, and Sunghoon notes how his husband's breathing gets heavier. Sunghoon slides his palms into Jay's thick hair, looking into his eyes.
“I wasn't even going to.”
♬♬♬
Jay awakens to the sound of a melody playing in subtle shimmering tones. He stretches sleepily, trying to remember when Sunghoon played music so loudly on his day off, especially while asleep. After a moment, Jay begins to suspect something amiss. A beautiful melody is played on the piano. Of course, it is. Jay lazily climbs out of bed, hitting his slippers the second time.
It's just as he'd thought: Mei is learning a sonata, and when he looks at the title, he realizes it's by Mozart. Jay notices her eyebrows furrowed childishly and guesses that the melody is challenging, but the girl doesn't give up, repeating it over and over.
“It's the easiest one they gave us,” Mei explains later when she's finished playing. “Just a short piece. Besides, Daddy, I've been practicing for a long time!” she adds.
Jay looks interested in the book the teacher gave her students. He finds titles, some marked in pencil, and guesses that the part has to be learned. He runs his eyes over a list of musician biographies and notices the Italian title, “Miserere mei, Deus.” The familiar “Mei” catches his attention, and he reads about how a 14-year-old Mozart recorded the Italian composer's work on the text of Psalm 50 by ear.
“Are you learning that, too?” Jay asks. Mei shakes her head negatively.
“Only simple sonatas. Mozart's Miserere isn't even in sheet music, Dad. That's what they told us in class yesterday!”
Jay nods and leaves his daughter alone with the music. Was it a good idea to agree with Sunghoon and buy a piano? Mei is definitely into music more than any other activity. Jay is willing to put up with being deprived of an extra hour of rest on his day off to keep his daughter happy. He's made peace with the apartment's rearrangement and a broken toenail caused by it by reclaiming the sanctity of his favorite shelf.
“Did you know that Mozart was able to record a melody based on church chants by ear?” Jay kneads Sunghoon's shoulders, immersed in his work as the photo editor.
Sunghoon only hums in response. The light from the monitor falls on Sunghoon's face, illuminating the palms of his hands on the table. He relaxes under the confident movements of his hubby, giving rest to his tense back and shoulder. The whitish light tries to sneak across the table and bite Sunghoon’s graceful wrists; Jay doesn't allow himself to stare. Jay tilts his husband's head and gently massages his neck, tugging at the soft, regrown hair.
“What if Mei starts recording psalms by ear, too?”
“We don't go to church,” Sunghoon mumbles, enjoying the massage. Sitting in the same position for so long makes him feel wooden. Jay drops by just in time to see him. Sunghoon looks wholly devastated, and as Jay kneads his muscles, he doesn't think about anything else. He responds lazily. “But if you're discussing whether Mei can do that, that'd be great.”
Jay presses near the upper vertebrae and runs his fingers along, down to the shoulders, in a circular motion. Sunghoon exhales when Jay's muscles suddenly ache with pain.
“Sorry, my love,” Jay tries gently stroking the skin.
“It's okay. You can do it harder,” Sunghoon sounds unsure, so Jay doesn't listen to him. He's doing it his way.
“You know Psalm 50 talks about forgiveness,” Jay adds. He makes a few more barely perceptible motions before he finishes. “I got curious and read it.”
Sunghoon turns surprise. Jay's hand is still on Sunghoon's shoulder and he looks into his partner's eyes carefully. “I just wanted to know what he was talking about. And he's about sins and redemption; of course, I'm oversimplifying the meaning.”
Sunghoon nods, accepting the answer, but doesn't say anything Jay wants to hear.
“Thanks for the message. I have to finish,” Sunghoon turns away from the monitor, ”the customers are all freaking out.”
Jay doesn't mind, realizing his husband's busy days. He and Sunghoon have very different schedules. Sunghoon can stay home for a week or two and then run from one photo shoot to another. Sunghoon loves what he does. When he started working as a photographer, he didn't go too overboard with projects, perfecting himself in different types of photography. After earning a name and accumulating some savings, Sunghoon can turn down uninteresting projects. Jay likes that Sunghoon is picky about the art of photography: he cares about what he shoots and what he shoots for. The desire to do the best, to choose the best, has always been inherent in Sunghoon. Jay sincerely believes that relying on this principle is why Sunghoon chose him.
Another thing that annoys Jay is why Sunghoon hides Jake under “customers.” Jay knows very well that Jake brings most of the projects!
For some inexplicable reason, Jay believes Sunghoon. For weeks, he's been pushing away the idea that something is going on between his beloved and Jake. Jay knows Sunghoon's schedule: what time he's shooting, whether in the studio or on location. Sunghoon tells him which photos he will take for the project and which will be used for the editors. Sunghoon doesn't deny he often sees Jake on the set and meeting with big clients. Jay grits his teeth, holding back his caustic comments when Sunghoon responds to Mei's request by promising to arrange a meeting for them.
Jay wants to relieve his workload so that he can take Sunghoon home from work. He wants to look into Jake's eyes for once and say: “Sunghoon is mine. He has me, and I won't give up any of my family.”
“You can visit a studio; it's not a problem,” Sunghoon shrugs when Jay's wish comes up. “I don't think I'll have time for you during filming. You can talk to Jungwon; he's always bored.”
Mei goes to bed, kissing Jay's cheek and pulling the blanket to her nose.
“Daddy,” the girl mumbles sleepily. Jay stops in the doorway. “Hand me Yuni,” Mei says, pointing to the furry plush animal Jake has given her.
After counting to five and mentally calling Jake every curse he knows, Jay complies with his daughter's request. It's okay, he thinks, because her memory and affection aren't like adults. It's only temporary, Jay convinces himself and goes to see his beloved, who has been up late. He finds him at his work computer, asleep on the desk. Jay gently touches his shoulder. Sunghoon blinks frequently, waking up. He yawns widely, covering his mouth with the palm of his hand. A keyboard mark is imprinted on his skin. His cheeks and the tips of his ears burn with an unhealthy blush.
“Why are you putting so much pressure on yourself? We have enough money,” they say. They move into the bedroom, and Jay watches as Sunghoon sits tiredly on the pillows. The dim nightlight clicks on, plunging the room into darkness.
“Who knows what will happen next? As long as I can, I'll keep working,” Sunghoon throws an arm over Jay, lying down next to him, tickling his chest with his exhaled air. Jay squeezes the cold fingers and is surprised again: it's warm at home. Jay places an open palm against his chest, warming. “Are you cold?”
“Fine.”
Jay covers Sunghoon’s palm, preventing his partner's weak attempt to move away. It's as if Sunghoon is trying to make it less uncomfortable. Jay is horrified at the thought that Sunghoon might become less important in his life or leave altogether.
“Still, you need more rest.”
“The job might not run away,” Sunghoon says sleepily, ”but who can I rely on if something happens? It's not like I have anyone.”
Jay is sure his husband doesn't mean to hurt him, but the words sound sickening. Jay knows about Sunghoon's underlying pain: his family only speaks to him occasionally, and in years, they've never decided to support his choice. Jay knows it's his fault—everyone in Sunghoon's family was against them.
By reciprocating Jay's feelings, Sunghoon chose him alone and lost many. No matter how much time has passed, that wound never healed completely.
Jay feels Sunghoon's fingers warming, his breathing equalizing, and his eyelashes tickling his skin.
“You have me,” Jay isn't sure if his partner can hear him or if he's already fallen asleep without waiting for an answer.
*
Jay realizes Sunghoon is working for their sake, but late-night riding with Jake still doesn’t make him happy.
It's well past midnight, and he mindlessly clicks through videos, putting off preparing for the day's meeting–zero good ideas in his head. The sound of an auto comes clearly, and Jay looks out the window. Sunghoon leisurely gets out of the car and even manages to get a few steps away before Jake calls out to him. Sunghoon leans out the window and talks to Jake for a minute.
Jay can't see much of what's happening in the darkness, but he notes Jake taking Sunghoon's hand and holding it for a long moment. They're unbearably close.
Will Sunghoon let them kiss again? Right under the windows of his house! The tangle gathers instantly and spreads painfully throughout the body, making fingertips tingle. Jay clenches his fist. He can't move, watching Sunghoon nod uncertainly at Jake. What is he agreeing to? Jay can't even blink, and the whole picture blurs around him, focusing only on Sunghoon. He only exhales when Jake lets go of Sunghoon's hand.
At home, Sunghoon reluctantly excuses himself, which angers Jay even more. He raises his voice at Richie, who stands in his way.
“You'll wake Mei,” Sunghoon reminds him patiently.
“Great,” Jay snaps his fingers, ”You can tell her how you spent time with Jake!”
“I'm not spending time with Jake!” Sunghoon takes his eyes off the camera and equipment. “I'm sorry, but it's late, and he just gave me a ride!”
The sharp tang of venom spit at him by Sunghoon – Jay can't tell if his partner doesn't understand or just pretending.
“That's not what you should be apologizing for.”
Jay used to trust his husband, as he can't remember when Sunghoon lied or betrayed him.
He can't hide his good or bad feelings. Sunghoon is unbearable and intemperate when he's angry. But that never stops him from ironing Jay's shirts and helping him button his sleeves. If Sunghoon wants to be alone, he takes Richi to the park, a half-hour walk away. Sunghoon howls at the stove and decorates all the dishes when he's in a good mood. There are sparks and chuckles at his pupils. He fools around with Mei and drags Jay into it.
In the morning, Jay doesn't know what to make of Sunghoon's refusal to eat breakfast, his quick packing, and his hasty departure. Jay fears he'll find his shirt somewhere in a pile of others, crumpled and discarded like the few years they've been together. Gingerly opening his closet, Jay realizes things have gone too far to be ignored. Jay remembers that he'd rewritten Jake's number until a few days ago while Sunghoon was out of sight.
Jay finds a carefully ironed suit and an immaculately white shir. Sunghoon didn't forget a thing, preparing his hubby's clothes for an important meeting.
Jay is plagued by doubts all day. Toward evening, he makes up his mind.
Jake answers the phone, and Jay awkwardly introduces himself. They've seen each other long ago, but Jake should remember who he is.
“Wait a minute, I'm going someplace quieter,” Jay gasps in indignation: Jake's freaking easy to talk to, and even doing him a favor by going someplace more comfortable. And even more than that, Jake speaks to him as an equal, even though they're almost strangers. “What did you want?”
Jay squeezes the innocent-looking phone, holding back his emotions. Jake's relaxed confidence is annoying and kills what's left of his faith.
“Sunghoon,” he calls the theme of the conversation.
“I see,” Jake hums into the receiver. Jay boils up, feeling someone else's smile light up thousands of miles away, ”I can't talk much right now. Maybe you want to get together? How about lunch break tomorrow?”
Jay is splashed with ice water. He rests his palm on the table to keep his balance. “Okay, Jake. Okay. See you tomorrow.”
In Jay's memory, Sunghoon only belonged to his parents, and taking him away was a very special feeling. Sunghoon wanted him and walked towards him. That night, when he told his father about how serious things were, he called Jay and asked him to come and get him. Once he crossed the threshold, Sunghoon's life took a turn and took a different path.
Sunghoon has been changing over the months: he was spending more time at home, and he and Jay were getting to grips with household chores. Sunghoon learned to cook from Jay, and they were happy when the pizza turned out delicious instead of burnt dough for the first time.
Jay doesn't remember when Sunghoon moved his diplomas and ice skating medals, which he had received when he was younger, from his parents' house.
He can barely recall the first time his husband mentioned that it would be nice if they had children. They were both drunk. It was probably after a wedding party at a coworker of Jay's where the accomplished wife confessed that she was pregnant. Sunghoon was impressed with the news and was more excited than all the guests. He barely restrained himself to wait until the party was over before they went to the nearest suitable place. They started kissing while still in the cab, and they barely managed to reach their apartment and close the doors as their clothes flew to the floor.
“I want you,” Sunghoon gave himself to Jay with such passion, tickling his shoulders with his hot breath. It was like he'd been starved forever, and in an instant, he was trying to make up for it. That night, Sunghoon was writhing in sweet agony and whispering, “I want you, Jay. I want us to have children, too.”
But Jay wasn't sure if what he'd heard that night was true. Deciding not to deny it, he didn't pay much attention to the words at first. It took Sunghoon time to bring it up again. When he heard his lovely man wish, Jay was happy.
Jay can’t imagine such a special memory could be shared with someone like Jake.
In the evening, Sunghoon helps Mei with her homework. Sunghoon is on the verge of despair and can't get the correct answer. Richie curls up nearby, and Mei strokes him. She doesn't rush her father, knowing he usually needs time to absorb the task. Sunghoon scribbles something quickly on a piece of paper and then lets out a delighted squeal, cheering as if he were the student.
“I got it! Mei, come on!”
Jay watches this perfect frame. His family seems so dear at this moment. Simple things make life fuller, Jay realizes. He wants to come home and see the man he loves doing things with their daughter. The most important gift is their shared. They were meant to raise this plum tree: to protect and guide her.
It's as if Jay is waking up from a years-long slumber. He suddenly realizes that no one has taken Richie for a walk yet and notices the tired look on Sunghoon's face as he observes Mei rewriting a task. He sees the stack of notebooks on his daughter's desk and thinking back to that morning, he guesses that not everything about music is easy for her, but she plays daily. Everything seems ordinarily simple and magical simultaneously: the warm light of the lamp, Sunghoon's soft explanations, Richie squinting in pleasure. And they're all there, just a hand's reach away.
Life has never seemed so real to Jay, so his: in its wholeness, beauty, and harmony.
Jay is afraid to let the moment pass and quickly approaches to hug Sunghoon and Mei, interrupting what they're doing. His daughter's tense shoulders relax at first, replaced by joyful laughter. Sunghoon hugs them back.
“Are you all right, Jay?” Sunghoon looks into his eyes.
Jay looks into his pupils and tries to find the bright he used to catch in them. He sees the thin crease between his eyebrows as Sunghoon furrows his brow thoughtfully.
“Daddy?” Mei touches Jay's palm. And he feels her palm, which is tiny compared to his own.
“Have you had dinner yet?” Jay wants to take care of them for the rest of his life. "I'll take Richie out for a walk and cook something."
Sunghoon shakes his head.
“It's done already,” Jay still can't find his favorite sparkle in his eyes. But Sunghoon suddenly smiles and kisses Jay gratefully on the cheek, ”but you can take Richie for a walk, and we'll finish the task. And then we'll all have dinner together!”
The smile stays on Sunghoon's face through dinner; afterward, he lets Mei play an extra half an hour before bedtime. Sunghoon tells funny stories, and Jay feels the light in his husband's soul has been rekindled. It's as if there had never been any quarrels or fears.
Sunghoon tosses and turns from side to side for a long time at night. Jay can't sleep either, overwhelmed with thoughts: his upcoming meeting with Jake, the wonderful evening, and Sunghoon, who seemed happy in a way he hasn't been in weeks.
Jay finally starts to doze off when Sunghoon scoots closer and puts his arm around his shoulders.
“Sunghoonie?”
He pulls Jay onto his shoulder, hugging him like a child–interlocking his fingers and touching the top of his head in a lovely kiss. Jay's arm slips over his skinny waist, allowing his husband to pull him close. Sunghoon's heart rushes to live and feel. The song's rhythm echoes in Jay's ears, and for some reason, he remembers church chants: they sound just as peaceful, just as awe-inspiring, a feeling deep and never fully understood. Jay doesn't know if he's dreaming or if Sunghoon is whispering into his hair: “I'm sorry, Jay. I love you.”
Jay walks to the meeting with Jake, fully convinced of the scandal to come. He hasn't decided how he'll explain himself to Sunghoon or what will happen between them: Jake's conversation with him will determine all that.
Contrary to expectations, Jake is greeted with a warm smile. There's not an ounce of slyness or hostility in it. Jake shakes the palm of his hand without any hesitation, as if meeting an old friend. And Jay is lost in what's happening.
“Are you that jealous of him?” Jake asks softly. He stirs the sugar and slides the vase over to Jay. “I'm sorry about that. I thought you two had already worked it out.”
“That?!” Jay's mouth is bitter from the coffee, but he doesn't touch the sugar. If his life had to be ruined, he would not have enjoyed this moment in Jake's company.
“What's going on between you two?”
“We're married and YOU were kissing.”
Jake takes a sip of his sweet coffee. The pause is annoying, and Jay wants to pour his hot drink right onto Jake's light-colored sweater with all his heart.
“It's more accurate to say that Sunghoon let me kiss him that time. And something tells me he was thinking of you anyway,” Jake glances down at his cup, sinking into his memories. But he quickly regains his composure, realizing it's not the time. “I’m sorry for that incident. I’m not going to ruin your marriage. I messed up, and I don’t know – you can punch me if it helps. Sunghoon and I are buddies. He needs a friend, Jay.”
Jake talks at length about how they interact with Sunghoon at work, how busy Sunghoon is, and how tired he is. Jay can see it himself. He listens to Jake, and his anger goes away.
“He's afraid he won't be worthy of you, Jay. He once said he has no one but you and his daughter. I'm not trying to replace you. I just couldn't do it. But you must agree that he needs someone to talk to and share his difficulties with.”
Jay nods reluctantly. Jake is right: Sunghoon needs someone to help him since his family's situation didn't work out.
“A friend is good. But why the hell does it have to be you?!”
Jake laughs.
"I don't know why it happened. We've known each other for a long time. We're closer now: lots of projects together.”
Jake is calm and relaxed. Although jealousy gives way to reason, it doesn't completely disappear.
“What were you talking about when you dropped him off the other day?”
Jake frowns, remembering. “I think he's been overworking himself lately.”
Jay nods in agreement. Sunghoon used to take breaks between busy schedules and deadlines. But not this time.
“Sunghoon looks tired, so I asked him to care for himself.”
“Or else you'll take care of him?”
“Your daughter will be jealous of me.” Jake is resourceful, and Jay appreciates it. Although he still doesn't want Jake around Sunghoon, the hostility is gone.
“Mei sleeps with your toy,” Jay shares grumpily. He moves the sugar and drops a big spoonful into the coffee: the world isn't falling apart or cracking at the seams. Jake suggests ordering something for lunch.
“If you want to eat in my company,” Jake holds out the menu in a friendly manner, and Jay takes it after a moment's thought. Maybe he should get to know Jake better, too.
Jay is learning to control his jealousy. His conversation with Jake was so calm that Jay gained confidence. However, he was more concerned about something else: Sunghoon didn't look well.
“You haven't eaten anything again,” Jay remarked, watching Sunghoon stash his breakfast plate in the refrigerator.
“I'm in a hurry. I'll grab a bite on the way. See you, sweetheart,” Sunghoon peeks into Mei's room, kisses her, and runs off to the studio.
Jay looks at Sunghoon intently, noting how pale his skin is, the bright blush of fatigue appearing in the evening. Sunghoon rubs his eyes, clearly needing a break from the monitor.
“You look suspicious,” Sunghoon grins.
Jay raises his eyebrows.
“And that's me?!”
“You're watching me,” Sunghoon's sharp fangs bared in a grin. He looks pleased at the attention. Jay finds the painfully familiar sparkle in his eyes.
Jake's call comes in the middle of the next day. A favorite ringtone causes anxiety. Jay is surprised to read the caller's name on his cell phone and quickly puts the gadget to his ear.
“Jake?”
“I'm sorry to interrupt; you must be busy working, but we need you here,” Jake is agitated, his speech different from the calm manner in which they talked during their dinner.
“On my way!”
After Jake dictates the address, Jay quickly drives to the studio. He almost misses a stoplight but realizes in time to stop the car. He also quickly climbs the stairs.
The bright studio makes Sunghoon's skin look even whiter. Sunghoon lies on a sofa away from everyone. There aren't many staff left; the shoot has been canceled, and the models have dispersed. Jake holds out a sweet tea to Sunghoon.
“Hi,” Jay walks into the room. Sunghoon rounds his eyes, wondering how Jay ended up here. He guesses from Jake's satisfied smile who caused it.
“He's better now,” Jake informs. ”And I delayed all the work so you can take him home.”
Sunghoon seems surprised by Jake's behavior: “Jake–”
“Oh, come on,” Jay interrupts and sits beside Sunghoon. "I would say it’s a day off, but you fainted out. We have a bigger problem here."
“True,” Jake chuckles. “Anyway, I have to say goodbye now. Jungwon will lock up the studio, I left the keys for him. And, Sunghoon, please rest for at least a few days!”
When Jake leaves, Jay takes Sunghoon's hand. Silent fills the room for a long minute. Sunghoon gently rests his head on Jay's shoulder.
“I'm sorry... I– my– fault, Jay, I should–”
“I'm sorry, too, Sunghoon,” Jay touches his husband's pale cheek. “I was a jealous asshole, but I wanna you remember by heart - you are the love of my life. I’m not gonna leave you.”
“I know this,” Sunghoon kisses Jay’s hand. “There's something I don't understand about you and Jake. You were acting like best friends just now. Am I miss something?” he peers into Jay's face, waiting for an answer. Jay rakes his beloved's arms around him.
“Let's go home, and then we can talk.”
Sunghoon nods weakly, getting up with Jay's help.
“You need to see a doctor,” Jay decides. He doesn't want to ignore his husband's unwell condition and fainting.
“I need you,” Sunghoon clings to his shoulders and trails off.
Jae believes that he can still be a real support for Sunghoon and Mei.