Chapter Text
Her palms were sweaty as she walked into the complex to take her fitness test, ready to see if she was ready to restart as an avenger again.
It had been a long three months since the bomb blast occurred and she was injured on the mission. She had been undergoing frequent rehabilitation exercises.
In the meantime, she had had regular contact with members of the team, well some members of the team.
Nat had been her rock. She had visited weekly, kept her up to speed on the changes and new recruits.
A couple of members of the team didn't contact her. She knew that Tony was out of contact visiting Thor but Sergeant Barnes well…
She had thought they'd built a good friendship, she thought maybe more sometimes as she caught him looking at her, a smile on his face. He always helped her with her training and she had spent hours with him catching up on films and talking about movie actors. She was a complete film buff.
One time she had fallen asleep next to him and he had stayed there, with his arms wrapped around her, when he could have easily woken her. The feeling of waking up in his arms, bodies entwined innocently, was something she would remember until the day she died.
He had shyly greeted her but his eyes said something else. The heat in them scored into her. Before anything could possibly happen, a member of the team walked in and they broke away from each other.
She was therefore surprised that after the blast and she was recovering in hospital, that there had been no contact. He didn't come and visit her or send flowers. He just seemed to write her off?
Sure his signature was there on the “get well soon” card but that was it.
When she asked Nat, Nat blew it off quickly, explaining that they barely saw Bucky, he was forever on missions and training new recruits.
So now she was here, starting afresh, to take a fitness test so she could be signed back on for missions.
She had walked through this kitchen, this lounge, these quarters hundreds of times, so now, why did she feel like an outsider?!
Lots of agents were milling around, and she knew none of them.
She was early for her test so she quickly grabbed a coffee from the kitchen.
As she stood quietly at the coffee machine, she paused as she heard a laugh she recognised behind her. It was a laugh she had only heard rarely. Sergeant Barnes laugh.
She turned to see Sergeant James Bucky Barnes, sat at the table with a group of young agents, telling them a story, involving Captain America. The young recruits sat there, eager, listening attentively.
She smiled to herself, he looked well and it was good to see him so comfortable with the new recruits…
And then she froze as one of the agents, a young blonde women with a small waist and perfect figure, laughed and placed her hand over his, pushing her breasts together with her arms and leaning towards him.
She noticed how he paused but he didn't push her hand away.
Y/n felt her heart crack down the middle.
That's why he hadnt been in contact, why it had been so easy for him. He'd clearly been dating. Without her here to distract him, he'd been able to grow, develop a social life, and have relationships.
She looked down and bit her lip. She should be happy for him, shouldn't she?!. He was a good man who deserved to be happy, to be loved and feel at home. And clearly he didn't like her like she wanted him to, so he was entitled to find someone that he did want, right?
So why did this feel like a knife to her heart?! What had she been hoping for?! Him to come running and recognise that he suddenly remembered who she was and how much he missed her?! She was kidding herself…
“Hey y/n!”, came a shout and any hope that she could have sneaked away unseen was blown out of the water.
Sam Wilson came barreling towards her and grabbed her, throwing her up in the air to hug her and wheel her around excitedly.
She screamed and giggled, holding on tightly.
“Let me get a look at you, man you are a sight for sore eyes!”, he said, his warm eyes crinkling at the sides.
“Hi Sam”, she smiled, getting her breath back, holding his arms to regain her balance,” it's good to see you!”
“How long you here?! I've been harassing Nat for updates on when you were coming but she tells me nothing!”
She was vaguely aware that Bucky was now standing and staring at her.
She couldn't look directly at him, it was way too much like staring at the sun towards the end of an eclipse. Too bright and it could hurt…
“I'm here for my fitness test,” she continued, "I've been on top of all my rehab work, hopefully they'll get me signed off and I can get started back on missions with you and the team.”
Suddenly she heard a scrape of chairs and they both turned to see Bucky walking off angrily across the kitchen, away from her.
She frowned, “did I miss something?!”
Sam smiled, “our walking cyborg there?! He's the same old, I think he's missed you!”
She scoffed, and looked at the blond agent who was now sulking unhappily,” yeah I don't think so, he doesn’t look like he was missing me just now, Sam.”
Sam looked at the agents at the table, and back at her, “You know as much as I do that things aren't always what they seem on the outside!”
He clapped her on the back, “I'll see you soon.”
She took her coffee, and walked towards the medical lab, not before hearing the young blond girl remark loudly “hope I don't end up in rehab after a mission, they clearly like to feed you! I'd never get back in my clothes!”
The men started laughing.
She stuttered but carried on walking away, her heart breaking.