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It was another late night.
“Star Lost” by Stray Kids had just finished playing in the massive venue. A stadium fit for thousands of people. Even the band itself couldn’t believe it.
Many “thank yous” and “see you next times” echoed through the air, fans holding onto every last breath of the members of the sensational boy-band all the way from South Korea. Experts would definitely see a rising trend of post-concert-depression in the near future.
The lights of the stadium turned on. Attendees began to file out, some holding back tears. Some let their tears escape.
But there was one concert-goer that simply looked… different.
There she was, a girl, sitting front and center of the stage—unbothered and unmoved despite the many venue staff members beginning to sweep confetti and rows of trash away into garbage bins. The others that had surrounded her had all taken their leave. The nosebleeds were quickly emptied, the lower decks of the stadium practically almost bare, and the floor still had a trickle of a fandom left. But the only one still in their seat was this unaffected girl.
“Ma’am,” a staff member began. “The concert has ended.” The girl looked up at the staff member from her spot, still remaining unchanged. “I know,” she responded.
The staff member looked uncomfortable. “This means you must leave now.”
The girl smiled. “I will. I’m just waiting for someone.”
As if on cue, a figure dressed in all black approached the two people at the front of the stage. “Miss,” they said. “I’ve come to escort you.” The girl collected her belongings and got up from her seat, beaming an even brighter smile at the staff member who had reminded her to leave. “You’re doing a great job. Thank you,” she said.
The staff member looked utterly confused, yet indifferent at the interaction. It seemed they just wanted to get home as quickly as possible. The altercation, however, lingered in their mind. How strange it was, and what a good story it could be. But speculations would never lead to truth. And speculations were mere lies.
The girl and her escort were headed near the entrance to the stage, the staff member catching their last glimpse as they disappeared into a curtain below the stage.
All it would take would be a little peek behind that curtain to understand the true meaning behind this mysterious encounter. All it would take would just be a little investigating. But the staff member knew better. And the staff member knew that speculations were mere lies, but they could be white, too.
***
“You did amazing,” you babbled. “I mean, are you kidding? That one moment when you just came over to my section and pointed at me. What were you thinking? Jesus, Hyunjin.”
Hyunjin giggled and shook his head. “I mean, it’s not like people know you.” You sighed. “Will they ever?” Hyunjin’s giggles quickly subsided.
The two of you were sitting in his dressing room after his show. It was a tradition you both had after many years of your relationship: you would come to visit him after a show and rave on and on about the many sneaky interactions you would share while no one else at the show would suspect a thing. It was your little secret.
Recently, though, tension in your relationship was common. As one should be, you were frustrated at Hyunjin’s company’s lack of transparency about the relationship you both had shared for years. You were tired of hiding behind sunglasses and dark hoodies. You were tired of spending nights in. You were tired of having family members and friends sign NDAs, all because your boyfriend was one of the most famous idols in the k-pop industry and the world. That was the price to pay, but you could never say you regretted it.
Hyunjin was sweet. He was kind. He was loving. He gave you everything he was capable of but you and him both knew it just wasn’t enough. Hiding behind walls and publicity was hard enough, not to mention the little time you both were able to spend together when Hyunjin wasn’t on break.
Even still, you appreciated him more than words could say. He’d helped you through the worst times in your life, and you’d helped him with his. It was simple—the bond you two had created was too strong to be broken, even if it came with its tense moments at time.
Hyunjin sighed, reciprocating your motions like a chameleon. “Can we not talk about this?” His hand landed on the side of your head, caressing your locks of hair and moving them away from your face. “You know I can’t do anything about this.”
You looked away, rejecting his touch. “I can’t not be unhappy about this, Hyun.” His hand froze in the air and retracted. “I know and I wish I could fix this.”
With your face turned, you continued. “You know, one of the venue’s staff members questioned me. They asked me why I hadn’t left yet. The staff you promised would escort me was late and risked getting my identity and my relation to you found out. That can’t just happen.”
Hyunjin rubbed his eyes with his retracted hand. His face was showered in sleepiness, being weighed down by the drowsy nature of his movements. “Fuck, I’m sorry, lovely. It won’t happen again, okay?”
You shook your head, turning to face him once again. “I don’t need you to tell me it won’t happen again. I need you to tell me that we won’t have to do this anymore. That we won’t have to hide anymore. Most of the time I can barely talk to my parents about us because I’m afraid I’ll violate one of the stupid papers I’ve signed. Don’t you get how exhausting that is?” You got up from your seat and ran your hands through your hair. “I feel like I’m lying to everyone I love but you. And even then I feel like there’s such a weight on my chest. Hell, it might be because I feel like I’m lying to myself.”
Hyunjin got up from his own seat and headed over to where you stood. “Hey,” he called. “You know what I’m gonna do? I’m gonna talk to the company tomorrow, okay? I’m gonna do everything I can to make this right. If you’re ready to do this then I’m ready.”
You met his eyes. “You’ll try to convince them to go public?”
He nodded, smiling softly. You returned his expression and cupped his face. “Just when I think you can’t give me more, you give me the world.”
***
Pain.
That was all you could feel in your head when you woke up to the blaring sound of your phone ringing.
You had stayed up later than preferred last night talking and drinking with Hyunjin and his bandmates, a sort of celebration for what was to come. A new beginning for you and Hyunjin.
Your phone rang again, and you groaned, pushing your face into your pillow. You were in your apartment that sometimes housed Hyunjin when he had time off, but of course, today, he was nowhere to be found inside it.
You got up, rubbing your eyes lazily, and grabbing your phone instinctively. Once your eyes adjusted to the light, you realized that the ringing had stopped, and your phone was no longer being called. However, you had various missed calls, meaning you had slept through all of them, and countless unread texts from a variety of people. These were contacts from your closest family members to people you hadn’t spoken with in years.
What could have possibly happened in such a short time? A simple few hours from when you went to bed?
The answer: almost everything.
The first text you read was from your mom. It read, “Hey sweetie. Called to check up on you but you’re not responding. Have you seen everything yet? I hope you’re doing okay.”
Seen… what? You thought.
Pretty quickly, you found out.
You quickly checked your socials, all of which had blown up with followers—thousands of people had flocked to your accounts trying to contact you through direct messages and comments on your posts. They all had to do with one thing.
“Whose girlfriend are you?” “Does Stray Kids know you?” “Which member from Stray Kids are you dating?” “If you’re actually dating any of the Stray Kids members, I’ll find you.” “Don’t tell me she’s dating one of our boys.” “Maybe she’s not any of their girlfriends and is just a friend.”
In that moment, all that you could feel was numb. If anything, you were mortified.
You didn’t understand how anyone could’ve known about your relation to the band—the company hadn’t put out an official statement yet, let alone spoken to you about the next steps following their announcement. How did the public get to you first?
But you found out very soon that this breaking news came from an almost unlikely source. One that you had even found to be likable. One you had given a smile to.
Scrolling on Twitter, you came across a post from a recently created user that detailed a photo of you and a Stray Kids staff member heading behind the stage of the previously concluded concert from the night before. The post explained that they were a staff member from the night before and had seen this scene while commencing the wipe-down of the stadium. They even went into depth about the interaction the two of you shared while you were waiting for an escort. The last few lines of the post speculated heavily about your relation to the band, including the widely speculated assumption that you were dating one of the members.
You continued to scroll. Luckily, not everyone was bashing you or against you. In fact, there were a good chunk of people who were for the narrative of leaving you alone and giving you your privacy. Some comments read, “Why would anyone post this?” “Mind your own business…?” “I hope she’s protecting her privacy. I don’t care if she’s dating one of the members. She’s a human being and they are too!”
You were grateful for the amount of comments being for your safety, but you were frightened at the amount of comments that had no ounce of respect for you or your privacy. It was jarring.
You were in the middle of reading a comment when a call came buzzing through from Hyunjin, and you could only guess what you two were about to talk about. You picked up the call.
“You saw it, right?” He questioned in a panicked state. “I just woke up. I saw it.” Was all you said.
“We’re sending a car to get you now. We’re gonna figure out what to do about this together.”
***
It had been hours since you had arrived at JYP Entertainment. You and a team of media professionals had been in discussions for far too long about whether you should come clean about your relationship with Hyunjin or if you should stay silent. For every conversation, you had wanted to come clean.
It was the list of implications that the team had provided you with that made you nervous. They warned you of the consequences being death threats, invasions of privacy, and much more. You knew this was bound to come at some point, but you never knew it would be this way. You wanted your own time frame to do this, and now you felt like you were being pressured into something you maybe weren’t sure of all along. But you knew you had to make a decision.
After a long day of deliberation, a decision was made. The team you had consulted with had decided to put out a statement on your relationship with Hyunjin that detailed the consequences of threats on both of your safeties.
So, in practically 30 minutes after the decision was made, a statement was released onto JYP Entertainment’s social media accounts: “Hello, this is JYPE.
“We recognize that a photo has been leaked of a young woman entering backstage at a Stray Kids concert. To clear up any confusion, we have decided to release the information that this woman is in fact in a relationship with our artist Hwang Hyunjin.
“We wish the couple good fortune and we ask that you help to protect their privacy. We would like to warn that if such breaching of privacy occurs, legal action will be taken to counteract these events.
“Thank you.”
The statement, a brief one, described everything you wanted the public to know about your relationship—just that you existed, and that you just wanted to be safe without hiding anymore. But you didn’t know if you could hide anymore. Hell, you didn’t know if that was even the right decision.
But fine. It was done.
You were sitting outside the meeting room in which the message had been devised. The representatives from departments involved in the writing of the statement had already gone back to business, but you were still sitting outside, your leg shaking and your mind in an absolute storm of… well, whatever it is one is supposed to feel in such a moment. Vulnerability? Perhaps that was it.
A voice freed you from your thoughts. You looked up to find Hyunjin’s pale expression looking down at you. He’d gone for a walk after the stressful day. (Completely disguised, of course.) He sat beside you, throwing his black hood behind his face and taking off his sunglasses.
“What are we supposed to do now?” You asked.
“I don’t know.” Was all he said.
After a moment of silence, he continued. “I talked to Chan. He said that we should just lay low for now. But no one really knows what could happen next. Some people are already outraged despite all the well wishes we’ve received.”
“This is all my fault,” you sighed. You leaned forward, putting your head in your hands. “I should’ve been more careful to make sure no one saw me. And now look at the situation—“
Hyunjin put a hand on your knee and called out to you. “This isn’t your fault,” he said.
You looked up at him again in tears. “Just… who am I supposed to blame then?” You blinked profusely. “I know we wanted to do this on our own time and now it’s… it’s ruined. I feel like we’re exhibits in an art museum.”
Hyunjin pulled you to him by your waist, squeezing you by his side. Your head naturally fell on his shoulder, and his hand slithered its way to your hair to run through it. “You’ve always had such a way with words, haven’t you?”
With this sentence and the warm comfort of the human embrace, you felt the tears you’d been holding back all day come to their final wits. Your eyes were filled to the brim with the salty substance, and you could no longer contain it all.
Big droplets began to fall, and that was your final straw. It may have been Hyunjin’s, too, because as you felt your body convulse with sobs you swore you could feel his wet face that had clearly begun crying as well. Before you’d even noticed it, he’d turned just enough to fit you face-to-face, his forehead on your shoulder and yours on his. Both of you clutched onto the other for solace, knuckles white with need, eyes wet with despair.
***
One month.
That’s what it had taken for the media to come down from the high it had seen after you and Hyunjin had forcibly gone public with your relationship.
The month was long and strenuous. You had to take several measures to protect your social media accounts and your day-to-day life. You’d never lived in the limelight before, but it was safe to say you had enough support to go around when it came to managing your relationship to the public.
The past few weeks had been filled with changes, most of them less preferable than you would’ve hoped. You had to take alternate routes to get to work, wear clothing that wouldn’t expose your identity, and completely cover your face in parts of town that were all too populated. You felt deindividualized, but there was a part of you that gained more appreciation for your famous boyfriend seeing as he’d lived with this far longer than you, and he was not at all unaccustomed to it.
It was difficult to manage the feelings you experienced after the whole situation blew over. You were angry at the staff member that had unnecessarily exposed your relationship to Stray Kids, and in turn Hyunjin. All it took was one person to change everything about the way you used to live your life.
You soon found, though, that the anger you channeled for that staff member did you no good. It wouldn’t take back what happened. The public would still know the truth. It didn’t matter anymore.
As for Hyunjin, he channeled his emotions into his work, whether that be the various paintings he produced over the past few weeks, or the songs he’d been working on in the studio. You were proud of him. He’d done more to grow than hinder the success he’d achieved thus far.
Your relationship with him could only flourish. It wasn’t a trauma-bond, but it was more of the overcoming of a difficult time that made you both closer than ever, although schedules were destined to pick up once again soon. But like always, you spent the moments you could with Hyunjin, and the moments you couldn’t planning all the things you’d do when you’d be with him again. There was no doubt he did the same when it came to you. (A perk of being a famous guy’s girlfriend was being able to know and see certain things that fans couldn’t. One of these things was the entire album Hyunjin had compiled for you, and only you.)
It came to one conversation, however, that determined more than just the next time you both would be together. It determined your future, the goals you had yet to achieve.
It was the last day Hyunjin was free to spend time with you. For the next couple of weeks, Stray Kids would be doing many promotions for their new music, so your time with him was limited.
The both of you were sitting on your apartment building’s roof, overlooking the city’s lights and listening to its sounds. “It gets so tiring doesn’t it?” You started.
Hyunjin looked at you. “What do you mean?”
“I mean hiding.” Your expression remained unchanged.
He scoffed. “Exhausting.”
You turned to look at him, meeting his eyes that were already on yours. “What do you suppose we do when we’re older?”
You turned even more, your body facing him. “Maybe we should move away together. Then we could live together… but not here. Somewhere far away, you know?” Your mind was filled with ideas.
Hyunjin looked away, deep in thought at your brainstorming. “How about a house in the mountains?”
You smiled. “A house in the mountains,” you repeated.
“We’d be away from everyone else. It should be kind of like a cabin. And we could have some land for a garden where we grow our own food. Maybe… maybe we could get some plants, too. And a dog. Or a cat. I don’t care. But something to call our own.” He rambled.
You cocked your head, your lips curling. “You’ve thought about this before, haven’t you?”
A pink blush grew on Hyunjin’s cheeks. “Is it that obvious?”
You giggled, inching closer to him. A cool breeze hit your backs, and he pulled you in closer for more warmth. After a moment of silence, you spoke again. “It sounds nice, you know. The house in the mountains. I think we should do that.”
You looked up at him and he returned the gesture. “I love you,” he said.
Your hand snaked to the back of his neck and pulled his head down to yours. “I love you,” you said, before pulling him further down, eventually crushing your lips together.
His hand came to your jaw, deepening the kiss. It ran through the locks of your hair and came down to your waist, then your thigh.
You pulled away for a brief second. “Needy today, are we?”
“I’ll always need you,” he said quickly, before leaning in once more.