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It had been six months since Millie told Moxxie about her pregnancy. At first, both of them were worried about this new addition to their family. But after a while, they both accepted that their lives were going to change. After all, they had discussed the possibility of children at the beginning of their relationship, and always knew it could happen. Blitzø also had a rather hard time accepting it. Not just the fact that his employee would be out of commission for a year or so. But also the fact that his best friend was going through such a big change in life. He worried that this would negatively impact their relationship somehow. But on the other hand, he didn’t hate it. And as for Stolas, he was too wacked out on Klonopin to really give a shit.
One night, Millie awoke to a sharp pain in her abdomen, followed by her uterus having contractions or whatever. I’m not really sure how that all works because I went to a Christian school that didn’t have sex ed. “Moxxie!” She sharply exhaled as she shook her husband awake.
“Yes, dear?” He asked worriedly. Is it time already? He thought to himself.
“I’m having contractions! I think it’s time!”
“Already?! But your due date isn’t for another month!”
“Babies can be born a few weeks early, Moxxie!” She winced in pain. “Whatever it is- it isn’t good!”
“Of course, darling!” He quickly got up and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. “Let’s get you to the hospital.” He quickly grabbed his pre-packed emergency diaper bag and drove his wife to the hospital.
After about an hour of waiting in the waiting room, the two were escorted into a hospital and the nurse took Millie’s vitals. “Okay…” the sinner murmured slowly. “You’re alive. Your blood pressure’s a little high.”
“Am I going into labor? Is the baby okay?” She asked frantically.
The nurse shrugged. “I don’t know. I went to nursing school in Florida, so I honestly have no idea what I’m doing.” She grabbed her clipboard and got up. “I’m sure your baby is fine though. Dying from like- childbirth or whatever is pretty rare.” She then casually walked away.
Moxxie frowned. “Hey! That wasn’t very supportive!” He shouted. “How about you bring in someone who knows what they’re talking about?!”
“Up yours, faggottini. I’m surprised you’re not the one who’s knocked up”, the nurse muttered as she walked away with her middle finger high up in the air.
Suddenly, Blitzø walked in holding a video camera. “Hey, Mills!” He zoomed in on her. “How’s it hanging?”
“Blitzø, what in tarnation do you think you’re doing?”
“I’m just excited to be an uncle!” He smiled. “And if any medical malpractice happens, we can sue those bastards and get rich off the insurance money!”
Stolas walked in as well, wincing at the sight of his viviparous coworker in such pain. Birds never had such issues. “I uhh- hope you’re doing well, Millie.”
She furrowed her brow. “Do I look like I’m doing well, Stolas?!”
“Uh, no- well-“
Suddenly, a doctor walked in. “Hello there! Molly, is it?” He squinted at his clipboard.
“It’s, Millie.”
“That’s not what the nurse wrote down.” He shrugged and walked over to her. “Anyways, you came here for abdominal pain, so let me take a look at what we have going on here.” Gingerly, he grabbed a tube of ultrasound cream and the ultrasound device. He quickly hiked up her shirt and slathered the cold cream on it. “Do you have a full bladder at all? I hope you do.”
“Why? Because it will help you see the baby better?”
“No.” The doctor put the device on her belly and pressed down on it to scan her womb. “I just wanted to know because I have a piss kink.”
Moxxie raised an eyebrow. “What the fuck?”
“Hmm…” the doctor mused. “Well, you’re certainly going into labor.”
She frowned, worried. “Will the baby be okay?”
“Well it’s three weeks early, but it’ll be fine with a little bit of TLC and careful monitoring. I’m more worried about uhh…” he pointed to the screen. “Well- the fact that the baby you’re carrying is the antichrist.”
“The antichrist?!” Millie shrieked. “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” She had never even heard of the antichrist. Was that a Christian thing? Jesus was real, right? “Wait- doc? Which religion is the correct one, again?”
“According to my patient, Vaggie, who’s a fallen angel, the correct religion is some weird cult made by a man named Greg called Gregism that only has six members.”
“Wait- really?”
“Yeah. He was the only one that got it right, apparently.” The doctor shook his head, trying to get back on track. “Anyways, the Antichrist is bad news. He is prophesied to bring on the ultimate battle between good and evil, which will end in him losing, and Hell being destroyed.” His expression turned serious. “Millie. It is imperative that you get an abortion.”
“What?!” She cried out and looked back at Moxxie.
Everyone in the room looked back at the ultrasound screen. The baby smirked deviously in the womb and gave everyone the middle finger. Then he made a throat slicing gesture with his fingers and stuck his tongue out teasingly.
“Shit-“ Blitzø frowned. “That is one evil baby.”
Millie started sobbing as the doctor started packing up his ultrasound equipment. “I can’t believe this…” she sobbed.
Moxxie quickly ran over to comfort her. “I’m so sorry, Millie…” he cried as he patted her on the back. Sure. He wasn’t exactly thrilled about his wife having a baby. But it was still something that he learned to love. He went through so much trouble for his unborn child. And now, it wasn’t going to be born? “We can try again… I’m so sorry-“
“I don’t want to try again!” She sobbed. “I didn’t even want to get pregnant in the first place! But then I grew comfortable with the idea, and I just-“ she sniffled. “I’m sorry. I’m such a fucking mess right now.”
Blitzø walked over to her and extended his condolences. “Hey. It’s okay, Mills. We’re all a fucking mess right now. You’re in good company.” He sighed, feeling so bad for his friend. “We’re going to get through this. As a family”.
“Oh wah-wah!” A voice sarcastically groaned. Suddenly, a small, winged imp flew out from between Millie’s skirt and revealed itself to the other demons. “Then how about ya don’t abort me, dumbass?” He said in an uncanny Brooklyn accent as he slices off his umbilical cord with sharp claws.
“Hey!” Blitzø shouted as he pointed at the demon. “That’s no way to talk to your mother!” Stolas just stood there in shock, wondering if all viviparous demons were this precocious.
The tiny antichrist suddenly flew up to Blitzø at lightning speeds and punched the imp so hard that he flew into the window, shattering it. Thinking quickly, the tall, lanky demon did a flip mid-air and grabbed on to the rail of building’s fire escape, then jumped back up into the hospital room.
Moxxie quickly grabbed his emergency hospital diaper bag and tossed out diapers and formula as he looked for something. Then not a moment later, he pulled out an enormous bazooka and pointed it at his son.
“You’re really doing this to your own flesh and blood?” The demon chuckled with a smirk. Before he could get out another word, Blitzø lunged towards the flying imp and swung at him with his fist. But right as he was about to land a hit, the tiny imp did a barrel roll in mid-air and dodged, swooping down and slicing at Blitzø’s leg with sharp claws before disappearing.
“AUGHH FUCK!” Blitzø cried out in pain.
“Blitzø!” Millie got up, and looked around. Though she was hesitant at first, she knew that this baby was pure evil and needed to be destroyed. Even if it was her own flesh and blood. Defiantly, she stared down her baby as it flew towards her with his claws bared. “This ends now.” The imp unsheathed one of her knives and lunged towards the baby. Her knife barely missed the tip of its wing. With her other hand, she grabbed onto its tail, and it flew up into the air, taking its mother with him. Baring her teeth, she regained control of her arm and slashed at the demon as it whirled around the room, narrowly missing it once again. The baby imp took a sharp turn around the room, slamming its mother into the concrete wall. Thinking quickly, Millie cushioned the impact with her knee, then pushed herself away from the wall as she let go of her baby’s tail. With a nimble backflip, she stuck the landing and quickly got back on her feet.
As the flying imp turned around, Moxxie shot at it with his bazooka. It missed the nimble creature once again, but the shrapnel created by hitting the wall was enough to damage it a little. Although it blasted a hole through the hospital wall in the process.
“Ahahaha!” The baby cackled. Seeing a chance to escape, it quickly flew out the hole in the wall and into the city.
“After that baby!” Blitzø shouted. He blew his dog whistle loudly, and suddenly, Loona ran out of the van. Moxxie and Millie jumped to a nearby rooftop, while Blitzø ran down the fire escape with Stolas in hand.
“I can’t believe this is happening”, Millie said as she jumped from rooftop to rooftop, chasing after the evil baby.
“Yeah…”Moxxie sighed. “I know we didn’t want to have a baby right now but- it’s still a bummer.”
“I know…” she looked back at him for a brief moment before looking back at the baby.
The tiny imp flew through a series of pipes. But luckily, Moxxie was an expert on the city’s infrastructure, and he knew exactly where it would emerge from. “This way.” He took a sharp turn to the right and ran towards a factory building. Millie followed after him. “For what it’s worth, I know that you’ll be an amazing mother one day.”
“You really think so?” Her intense gaze softened just a little.
“I know so. Nothing we’ve ever done happens quite according to plan. But I know that next time, we’ll be much more prepared. Not to mention, I doubt you’ll give birth to the antichrist again.”
“Aww. Thanks, Moxx.”
Suddenly, the baby burst out from one of the pipes and shot out a beam of pure light energy at its parents. Thinking quickly, Millie punched one of the pipes so hard that it bent backwards and reflected the incoming beam back at its sender.
“Shit!” The baby shrieked as it was instantly turned into a pile of ash that fell down to the ground twenty stories below.
“Holy shit”, Moxxie murmured, eyes wide. “That was insane! He’s dead- he’s actually dead! You did it Millie- you-“
Suddenly, laughter emerged from the ground below. Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, the antichrist floated upwards and emerged in its true form. Now six-winged, covered in eyes, and ten-times larger than before. “Thank you for doing that… Mother.” The beast cackled as it held up its finger and charged up another attack.
“You bastard!” Moxxie cried out as he attempted to fire his bazooka. But it was no use. The trigger was stuck! There was no way Millie could reach a flying beast so high up in the air! How were they going to-
Before he could even answer that question, the antichrist fired off an insanely powerful energy beam at his parents. In an instant, everyone around became surrounded by the blinding, garish light produced by the attack. Through the chaos and confusion of the ordeal, Moxxie’s only instinct was to shield Millie, as he heard a sharp yelp from the distance. Standing in front of his wife protectively, the light quickly faded away. When he regained control of his eyes, he was astonished to see Loona in her feral form standing over the demon with its left wing trapped in her jaws, as Blitzø and Stolas rode atop her.
“Loona!” Moxxie shouted gleefully.
The antichrist struggled against the hellhound and quickly slipped free. Then it charged back at Loona, claws bared with a more intense ferocity than it had ever shown before. Seizing the opportunity, Moxxie quickly fiddled with his bazooka, while Millie protected him, looking around the perimeter as she held her knife defensively. As they did that, Loona ran across a giant horizontal pipe that ran between several buildings, trying to get ahold of the rogue imp. Finally, after about thirty seconds, the bazooka was ready. All Moxxie had to do was find the right time to fire. Thinking quickly, Stolas jumped off of Loona and gained just enough vantage to punch the demon baby mid-air and send it flying into the brick wall of a much taller building.
“Stolas!” Blitzø cried out as the former goetia fell down and hurdled straight towards the cold, hard ground below.
“I forgot that I lost my wings!” The owl shouted.
Seizing the opportunity, Moxxie pulled the trigger to the bazooka right as Stolas started falling down. Luckily. The antichrist found itself stuck to the brick wall and took several seconds to regain its footing- just enough time for Moxxie to do what he needed to do.
“I got you, Stolas!” Loona kicked her the feet off the side of a building and lunged down diagonally towards the falling owl. Acting quickly, Blitzø extended his lanky hand as Stolas extended his own, then grabbed onto his wrist and pulled him down onto Lona’s back.
“Whew.” Stolas hooted with relief. “Thanks for saving me.”
“Yeah”. Blitzø sighed. “I know this situation isn’t ideal for either of us, but-“ He gently smiled at his boyfriend. “I’m really glad that we’re not going through it alone.” The two of them smiled warmly at one another and embraced as something above them exploded and rained a sparkly white dust onto them.
Moxxie sighed as the demon baby was obliterated to dust with his bazooka, then looked over at his wife, who seemed distraught. “Thank you for having my back, Millie.” He hugged her tightly.
“Of course”, she sighed and put her knife away.
“I know it sucks”, Moxxie murmured. “But when I see how you defend the people you care about, it makes me realize that when you do end up becoming a mother someday, you’re going to be an amazing one.” Tears welled up in his eyes. “And I think that’s wonderful. It’s going to have two parents who are alive and well, and…” he sniffled. “Actually care about it.”
“Oh Moxxie”, she whispered into his ear, hugging him back. “You’ll be an amazing father too.” She wiped a tear off the corner of her eye. “And next time, we’ll be prepared.” She then parted from him and held his hand, looking down at her coworkers from the rooftop. “And it’ll be surrounded by so much love.”