Archive of Our Own ^beta

Thor was the one who first told Loki of the chaos happening on Midgard, sometime in the mid-twentieth century. His brother had heard about it from Heimdall and thought it entertaining – the puny little human beings fighting amongst themselves. Loki had always thought Earth to be the most tedious place in all of the Nine Realms, filled with unenlightened individuals, but he found himself intrigued by the notion of witnessing it himself.

Thor had encouraged Loki's tourist visit to London and had convinced Heimdall to send him there via the Bifrost. Loki had his own methods of travel within the Realms, but there was no need to let anyone else know about those yet, certainly not Heimdall. 

He was dressed as a civilian at first, so he could observe how the soldiers behaved. It had been a long time since he’d last been on Midgard, dull as it was. It occurred to Loki that he must have been very bored with his life to have bothered with this excursion at all. He entered a public house, only knowing of the revelry within from the sound escaping the blacked-out windows and doors. 

There was a mixture of different infantrymen mingling with each other, but the predominant ones seemed to be the British and the Americans. Loki adjusted his appearance accordingly, copying the uniform and the hairstyle of the Royal Air Force. He shrouded himself in such a way that would let him move around unnoticed unless he gave specific permissions. He couldn’t be bothered answering any questions about who he was. 

He walked through the crowd causing mild disturbances, such as a large spider crawling up one man's arm, and a table full of people attempting to drink from glasses that had been full seconds before but were now empty. It was childish, but he found he didn't much feel like doing anything worse. He’d obviously come to the wrong place because he'd been expecting carnage, not downtrodden off-duty soldiers making the most out of their time in the city. It had caught him off guard because he rather uncharacteristically felt sorry for them.

As Loki walked toward the bar, he thought about leaving the pub altogether if nothing of note were to happen soon, when he came across a man with such captivating good looks, he was momentarily stunned. For just a split second, Loki wondered if he had somehow conjured the man himself, but even he would not have been able to create someone so glorious purely from his imagination. 

The man was turning to wave at someone. It looked like he was waving directly at Loki, except he couldn't be, because this devastatingly handsome man couldn't know Loki existed. The man had a downtrodden aura about him – as many of the soldiers did. He appeared to be convalescing from the hardships of war by drinking heavily and smoking. However, that did not detract from his beauty. He took Loki’s breath away. 

Just then, a big blond man pushed past Loki. “Excuse me,” the man said, looking confused to find he’d walked into someone. He continued in the direction of the handsome man. They clapped each other on the back and turned to the barman, away from Loki. Loki had been standing still the entire time, frozen to the spot, too enamored with the new object of his desire. His only thought was that he must talk to him.

Loki was about to perform a trick on the blond man’s bowels that would have him running out of the pub in embarrassment, but the man was saved by a beautiful woman in uniform. The pair walked off together, talking about something with great seriousness, and the brown-haired handsome man was left alone once again. Loki made his move.

“Good evening," he said, taking the seat beside the man, allowing himself to be fully seen by him. The man simply nodded in return.

Loki cleared his throat, “I don't believe we’ve met.”

“Sergeant Barnes,” the man said and shook Loki’s hand, regarding him with uncertainty. Loki took the opportunity to look Barnes up and down, really taking in the man before him. He believed he’d made an excellent choice. This man was a prize, and Loki didn't mind investing some time and effort into establishing a rapport with him.

“Odinson,” Loki said and indicated to the barman he would like two more of what Barnes had been drinking. “Very pleased to make your acquaintance Sergeant Barnes.”

It wasn't as if Loki thought Heimdall was paying too much attention to him, but he didn’t feel like letting the gatekeeper watch his attempts at seduction, so he made sure there was an illusion cast over them keeping Heimdall out of his business.

He took a sip of his drink. He didn’t know what he’d been expecting, obviously they wouldn’t have fine Asgardian mead on Midgard but what they did have was exceptionally vile. He choked. “This tastes like piss.”

Barnes laughed. “You’ll get used to it.”

“Hmm. I could get used to looking at you,” Loki said. 

Barnes looked at him like he was insane. “Keep your voice down, will ya?”

Loki rolled his eyes. Mortals were so repressed, he had forgotten about that. “Oh dear,” he said, “you're going to make me work hard to gain your affection, are you? I must tell you, I don’t like work, and groveling is not in my nature.”

Barnes looked around as if the whole world had turned upside down right in front of him. He flipped a small tin of cigarettes around and around in his fingers. “Uh…”

“Sergeant, may I ask, what would you call an exceptionally attractive man in your part of the world?”

Again, Barnes looked unsure, like he might be falling into a trap, but he answered, “I guess, a dreamboat?”

“Well, Sergeant Dreamboat,” Loki said, “what must I do to get into your good graces?” Amongst other things , he thought to himself. 

Barnes took a swig of his drink while watching Loki from the corner of his eye. “Um. It's Bucky. My name's Bucky. You can call me that… if you want.”

“How lovely. Is there anything else you would like to share?”

Bucky ignored the question. “Are you a spy?”

Loki smiled. “Not presently.”

“Maybe you're not a spy. But I think you are a rat.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“I know about the cops trying to smoke out… you know…” He couldn't seem to say exactly what he meant. 

Loki was clueless. “I have no idea what you're talking about.”

Bucky looked very uncomfortable. “Are you making a pass at me to get me arrested?”

“Arrested for what?”

Bucky was annoyed now. “Listen, Jack, I was the boxing champion at my local YMCA three years in a row. You better scram if you're trying to start trouble here.”

Loki raised his hands in mock surrender and tried not to laugh at the threat. “I assure you, I genuinely don't know what you mean.”

“Are you really that dumb?” Bucky hissed through gritted teeth. “You can get booked for… having relations with men all you want, but you ain’t taking me down with you.”

It finally dawned on Loki what Bucky was so jittery about. “You think I'm trying to get you caught by the authorities because of your proclivities?”

Bucky narrowed his eyes. “Aren't you?”

“Heavens, no!” Loki said. “Why, they would have to arrest me too, and trust me, that would not turn out very well for anyone.”

That didn't seem to quell Bucky's fears at all. He looked around the room again, searching for someone who might jump out and grab him at any moment. Loki could only think how primitive the humans were. Asgardians were antiquated in their own ways, but this seemed particularly cruel. It was disheartening that this man was clearly so fearful of being the person he was born as. Loki tried not to give him a pitying look. “I just wanted to know you. I find you very attractive.”

Bucky looked like he was on the verge of saying something else when the blond man reappeared. “Buck, we gotta go.”

Loki scowled. What an irritating interruption .

Bucky nodded and downed the rest of his drink. “I'll see you around.”

“I shall look forward to it.”

Loki thought about looking for someone else to have some carnal fun with, but his heart was no longer in it. The only thing that prevented him from summoning the Bifrost to take him home was that Thor would want some tales of hilarity from Loki’s exploits and he had none. 

He traipsed around London for the next few days, learning what was really happening on Midgard. He was disappointed to find how depressing it was. The city had been through harrowing bombings and everything looked bleak, including the people. It was especially unpleasant at night when the blackout was enforced, though Loki spent his time preying on people committing petty crimes which was somewhat enjoyable. He didn’t exclusively assault the criminals though, he played tricks on the beat cops as well. After what Bucky had said about them, they were hardly any better. 

He had discovered the Strategic Scientific Reserve headquarters quite by accident. He’d come across a man named Howard Stark who’d been bragging about being involved in something top secret to a woman he was attempting to woo. All Loki’d had to do was follow him around for a while - cloaked by invisibility of course - and Stark had led him right to it. The most exciting thing he learned was that it was the special division that Sergeant Barnes belonged to. Unfortunately, Loki did not see him there, and that was as far as his investigation into the SSR took him. So Bucky worked for the scientific division of the U.S. Army. That didn’t intrigue Loki in the least. He had magic, what good was science to him?

In all honesty, Bucky was the real reason Loki had stayed on Midgard. He could not stop thinking about the beautiful man. Starting from the SSR, he made his rounds of all the pubs as he had been doing each night until, at last, he saw Bucky again. He was elated, though naturally, he was outwardly nonchalant. 

“Well, look who it is. Sergeant Dreamboat, was it?” He leaned against the counter, between where Bucky was sitting and the stool next to him, which made his body closer than what seemed to be socially acceptable. 

Bucky looked flustered. “Uh, hi!”

“I am most pleased to see you again,” Loki said. His casual demeanor dropped quite quickly. “I was starting to think I never would.” 

“Oh, well, uh. I won't be around for long,” Bucky said. He too seemed to be attempting aloof, though he was not as convincing.

“Why is that?” Loki asked. He leaned close, his voice low.

“Secret mission,” Bucky said. He leaned close too. “If I told you, I'd have to kill you.” Loki was sure he could feel Bucky’s heart racing from where he stood. Bucky was actually flirting back. 

“Any secrets you have are safe with me,” Loki said, smiling coyly.

“I'm pretty sure you're a spy,” Bucky said. He drank from his glass without his eyes leaving Loki’s. His detective work was admirable, but futile. 

“You wound me,” Loki said. “I assure you, I am not.”

Bucky’s shoulders dropped and he seemed to accept that he wasn’t able to fool Loki. “I could get in big trouble for even mentioning secret missions to anyone, and Steve would kill me.”

“Steve. Is that your friend with all the muscles?” Loki asked. 

Bucky looked slightly disappointed that Loki had mentioned the other man’s physique. “Yeah. That’s him.”

“Bit much if you ask me,” Loki said. That seemed to cheer Bucky up so Loki continued with his disdainful comments. He made a face. “He reminds me of my brother.”

Bucky gave the impression he agreed but was torn between letting that show and wanting to defend his friend. He laughed awkwardly. “I'm still not used to him being like that,” he said.

“What do you mean? Surely the brawn didn't appear overnight?”

Bucky's eyes widened. “You don't know about Steve?”

“Should I?” Loki asked.

“Captain America?” Bucky said.

“Captain America? How absurdly patriotic.”

Bucky narrowed his eyes. “Well, a spy would think that.”

“I suppose they would,” Loki said with a wink.

Bucky didn't have a response to that. “Well, uh, Steve’s like my brother, and anyway,” he raised his eyebrow meaningfully, “he's not my type.” He said it so low Loki almost didn't catch it, and he quickly looked away like he couldn't believe he'd been so brazen with his flirtations. Like it was his first attempt at seduction. It occurred to Loki that it probably was, with a man at least. 

“So,” Loki said. “Captain America is not your type. You mean you're not aroused by stars and stripes?”

Bucky rolled his eyes. “Definitely not.”

“Perhaps a recitation of ‘God Bless America’?”

This appeared to get under Bucky’s skin, which Loki had intended, just a little bit. “Steve's not like that.”

“I'll have to take your word for it,” Loki said.

“Okay, sometimes he is. But, hell, if we can't fight for our freedom then what is the point? Of any of this.”

Loki couldn't answer that. He, of all people, was the least informed on the intricacies of human life. He wondered if the propaganda posters scattered around the city - Freedom is in peril - were working too well on Bucky. Loki was disappointed in him. “Well,” he said carefully, “I would say being alive would be the point.”

Bucky pursed his lips, thinking. “Sometimes… sometimes people have to lay down their lives so that others can live, and live without fear.”

“You mean like without the fear of loving whoever one wishes?” Loki asked, intentionally provocative.

Bucky shrugged. “Maybe.”

“Let me ask you this… You don't think that after this war, people will just continue to be fearful of the unknown, and continue to persecute one another? People they don't understand. Like you and me?”

Bucky took a swig of his drink. “Maybe they will, maybe they won't. Won't know until we win.”

“You're very young and naive,” Loki said.

Bucky raised an eyebrow. “What? We can't be that different in age?”

Loki didn't say anything.

“Why are you even here?” Bucky asked abruptly.

Loki scoffed and avoided the question. He wasn't sure if Bucky meant here talking to him, or here in general, a soldier in the war, as he was pretending to be. He ended up winking at Bucky and saying, “Well, it's where all the good-looking men are.”

“Are you ever serious about anything?”

“Oh, I can be very serious if I want to be. For example,” he leaned even closer, “I'm very serious about getting into those trousers of yours.” Bucky choked on his drink. Loki had to wait for him to recover before he spoke again. “Shall we find somewhere quieter to discuss it?”

Bucky's face was still pink from coughing. Or perhaps it was something else. To Loki’s surprise, Bucky didn’t need more encouraging than that. He nodded.

It was still dusk when they walked outside. They didn’t speak much, just walked at a brisk pace as Loki led Bucky to an area of the city that had been bombed. Loki had made a most fortuitous discovery during his roaming. An abandoned pub that was in bad shape, except for one of the rooms above it. They started to make their way inside, through the rubble, but Bucky suddenly stopped. “Hey, I know this bar, The Whip and Fiddle. We came here a few times.”

Loki turned to him. “Really? Well, it’s still quite cozy upstairs.”

“Are you nuts?”

Loki smiled. “Something like that.”

Bucky cursed. “I knew you were bad news. We shouldn’t be here. It's not safe.”

“You're right,” Loki said. “We shouldn’t be doing this at all, should we?”

Bucky didn’t look happy about being teased for his law-abiding ways, so Loki stepped forward before he could make an excuse to leave. He put his finger through Bucky’s belt loop and pulled him forward. “But don’t you want to be here?” he whispered. “Doesn't it feel good?”

Bucky stared at him, his jaw set, then he leaned forward and kissed Loki, hard. Like he'd been waiting his whole life for it. Loki felt like he had been too. They fell back against the fragile wall, knocking dust and detritus to the floor. 

Loki dragged Bucky by the hand up what was left of the stairs and into the bedroom, which was relatively untouched. Loki spruced it up a bit with some magic but Bucky didn't seem to notice as he was intent on ridding Loki of his clothes. He pulled away. “I haven't done this with a fella before,” he said.

Loki had to laugh. Mortals had such modest insecurities. “I'll show you,” he said. “What did you have in mind?”

Bucky kissed him feverishly. “Everything.”

Loki pushed Bucky back onto the bed and pulled his shirt open. He started to kiss his way down Bucky's body, thoroughly enjoying the sounds his kisses evoked from the trembling man beneath him.

Of all the lovers Loki had ever had, Bucky quickly became his favorite. Though inexperienced with the male body, Bucky was eager to please, extremely teachable, and his stamina far surpassed that of what Loki expected from a human. Loki knew he would not be satisfied with anything less than an eternal love affair with him.

“I would die for you," Loki confessed, overwhelmed by pleasure. 

Bucky laughed and looked up. “Please don't.”

Loki was no stranger to making false promises but in that lust-induced moment, he had emphatically meant what he said.

“Have you always been so dramatic?” Bucky asked, continuing to tease Loki with torturously placed kisses and licks.

Loki gasped. “Yes, I have.” He moaned. “You’ll become accustomed to it.”

Bucky lit a cigarette and offered one to Loki, who declined. He still didn't understand why everyone on Midgard seemed to smoke. It was the third night in a row they had spent together, and Bucky didn’t seem to be in any hurry to leave, even though the mission he had mentioned was embarking the next day. Of course, Loki didn’t mind that Bucky wanted to linger. He couldn’t get enough of him, and from what he could tell from Bucky’s enthusiasm for their trysts, he certainly seemed to feel the same way. Loki smiled to himself, thinking of the way Bucky’s expression brightened significantly when he saw Loki in the tavern each night when Loki sought him out. Loki loved the feeling of having someone waiting for him, and he loved even more that the person was Bucky. 

The pair lay in comfortable silence for a while. They hadn’t delved into any other philosophical topics since the first night they made love. That was what they spent their time together doing, but with Bucky leaving the next day, it seemed imperative for Loki to profess his adoration. He turned and watched Bucky as he smoked. At least he looked handsome doing it. His allure was intoxicating to Loki. “You are exquisite,” he said.

Bucky grinned. “Oh, am I?” He lazily took a long drag of his cigarette and blew smoke out of the side of his mouth, away from Loki. 

“You are the most exquisite man I have ever known.”

Bucky shifted uncomfortably and cleared his throat. “When you met me… how did you know I was… interested? No one’s tried anything before.”

Loki found that to be highly improbable. “Sergeant Dreamboat, I don’t believe you’re telling me the truth.”

Bucky chuckled nervously. “Well, I don't exactly frequent the types of places that would happen.”

“Why not?” Loki asked, genuinely curious.

Bucky seemed surprised Loki would ask him that. “ Because it's dangerous, and I got people counting on me.” 

How chivalrous, Loki thought. Bucky was naturally everything Loki was not, but for some reason, instead of looking down on him for it, or even being envious, Loki admired him.

Loki rolled to his side and leaned on his elbow. He took Bucky's hand and kissed his palm. “So… I'm the only one who has tempted you enough to risk it all? I’m honored.”

Bucky rolled his eyes but didn’t pull his hand away. “You've got a king-sized ego, you know that?”

Loki grinned. How accurate that was. “So I've been told.” He continued kissing Bucky, from his hand, along his forearm. “To answer your question, I didn't know about you, I simply pursued what I wanted.”

“Huh,” Bucky said. “And you said I was young and naive. I'm not the one going around trying to get into every G.I.’s pants.”

“Actually, it's only yours I'm interested in. Or the lack of them.” He moved his hand down to Bucky’s bare thigh.

Bucky smirked, but then his expression turned serious. “Still, you should be more careful.”

“You'll just have to protect me,” Loki said.

Bucky laughed. “Somehow, I don't think you need me for that.” He stubbed out the last of his cigarette in a conveniently placed dish on the bedside table. 

“True, but I'll need you to take care of me in other ways,” Loki said. He wasn't interested in having a conversation about other men. He leaned in to kiss Bucky, who responded hungrily. He ran his hand up and over Bucky's stomach, caressing the soft skin. When he pulled away, he cleared his throat. “My given name is Loki, by the way. Since you so graciously told me yours.”

That caught Bucky’s attention, and he opened his eyes. “Loki. Loki… Odinson?”

“Yes.”

“That sounds... That's your real name?”

“It is,” Loki said, wondering how much Bucky knew of Norse mythology. 

Bucky shook his head and leaned back on the pillow with his arm cradling his head. “I knew you were a spy.”

“I'm not a spy. Besides, you haven't told me any information worth retaining. In fact, you've made it all sound rather tedious.”

“How does one become a spy anyway?” Bucky said, seeming to enjoy Loki’s irritability. 

“I'm not a spy. If you must know, I'm a god. From another planet.”

“Uh-huh, and I'm Humphrey fuckin’ Bogart.”

Loki didn't know who, or what that was, but Bucky's tone was sarcastic, so Loki took it to mean he didn't believe Loki in the slightest. Not that Loki expected him to. 

Loki changed the subject. “When will you be back from your secret mission?”

“Probably in a couple of days.”

“And I will find you in the pub for our next clandestine meeting, yes?” He was telling rather than asking, but Bucky agreed with a nod.

Bucky yawned. “What time is it? I gotta head back and get some shuteye.”

“Sleep here," Loki said. He ran his fingers through Bucky's hair. Bucky closed his eyes and sighed. 

“Wake me up early," he mumbled. When he shivered, Loki conjured a blanket and laid it across his chest. Bucky didn't seem to notice, or if he did, he said nothing. 

He was asleep within minutes. Loki watched him for a long time. He thought about not waking him when the time came, but in the end, he did as he was asked. 

If he could go back and change that he would. He never would have let Bucky leave. 

Loki had never met anyone who had made him so anxious to see them again. He briefly entertained the idea that he had been bewitched before dismissing it as nonsensical. Who would be a more proficient master of magic than him, on Midgard of all places?

He decided people like Bucky, and he assumed they must be very rare indeed, were the reason human life was not wholly meaningless. In Loki's opinion, Bucky’s good looks, his charm, and his sweetness – he was not just unearthly but completely sublime, for Loki had not met a single Asgardian who could compare.

Loki had never been particularly sentimental, except maybe about his mother. He didn’t make strong connections with others, and he liked it that way. Normally, his fear of rejection would prevent him from pursuing anything beyond casual encounters. He didn't trust easily, and he didn't allow himself to get close to people so as to prevent anyone from seeing the true person he was beyond bravado.  

Which is why he couldn't fathom how or why it had happened, but he found himself hopelessly infatuated with this human. He burned for him. Loki wanted Bucky to be his lifelong companion. Surely, for Loki to feel this way, the only explanation was that they must be fated to be together? He couldn't imagine ever wanting anyone else like he wanted him. He had plans to whisk Bucky back to the Realm Eternal as soon as he got back to London. Maybe the Allfather could grant Bucky an extended life so that he could live it with Loki. A long life together. 

Loki didn't even know if his father could do that, though he probably could. However, if it was something Odin could give, then it was also something he could withhold, and Loki wouldn't be surprised if he did. Odin didn't care about human life at all. He might have fulfilled the wish for Thor, but would he do it for Loki? He would have to rely on getting his mother on his side, so she could convince Odin for him. Loki didn't think he'd have much trouble with that. He at least knew Frigga only wanted him to be happy.

Despite his trepidation about Odin, it was true that Loki had grown up spoiled. He was used to having the things he wanted, but this was different. He wouldn't let himself consider that Bucky might not want to go. Loki wouldn't take him against his will – not because he had unexpectedly developed a new set of morals, he just needed Bucky to want to go with him. He desperately hoped Bucky felt the same way. 

Loki awaited Bucky’s return by loitering around the Strategic Scientific Reserve. It was maddening not knowing when Bucky was going to be back. He thought his time would have probably been better spent if he had followed Bucky on his mission, but he had assumed Bucky would have rejected him had he shown up where he was not supposed to be, and he had no interest in spying on the man performing whatever tiresome duties the SSR had him doing. Still, that would have been preferable to the waiting. 

When the Captain and his Howling Commandos finally did come back, Loki was unnerved to see that Bucky was not with them. Instead, there was a small, pathetic looking man in handcuffs. They pushed at his back to get him to walk. The Howling Commandos were all somber, and the Captain was in tears. Loki shapeshifted into a fly and followed the team into their underground headquarters. 

The woman agent – Carter – Loki had seen with the Captain that first day was there. “What happened?” she demanded when she saw the state they were in. 

“Bucky…” Captain Rogers croaked out. 

Loki’s blood ran ice cold. Something terrible had befallen him. It took all of his self-control not to reveal himself and throttle the Captain, but he waited, listening. He forgot about the others and the prisoner. He was singularly focused on what had happened to Bucky.

“Steve,” Carter said kindly, urging him to talk.

“He fell off the train,” Rogers said. He wiped his nose childishly with his sleeve, his eyes squinted as he began to cry, but he quickly regained control of himself. “It was hundreds of feet,” he said matter of factly. Carter nodded, knowing there was no possibility of Bucky’s survival. 

Loki was stunned. His only thought was he had to get out of there, if he did, maybe the nauseousness he had been overcome with might pass, but once he reemerged onto the streets of London, he felt no less ill. How could this have happened to Bucky? Why? Why not Rogers or any of the others? Why did it have to be the only person important to Loki? 

I should have stopped him from going. I should have gone with him, he thought. Why hadn’t he? He knew why. It was because he hadn’t thought it worth bothering with. He assumed it to be boring work. Boring like everything about the war. The war had not met his expectations, so he'd underestimated the danger. He hadn’t thought for one moment that what Bucky was doing was actually hazardous. Bucky had been right about Loki when he said it was he who was naive. He hadn't taken what was happening around him seriously at all.

He walked back to the destroyed pub where he and Bucky had made love. He was in shock. He didn’t know what to do with himself. Everything he had planned was now inconsequential. He trudged up the stairs and sat on the bed for a long time, the room turning dark without his noticing.  

Loki was astonished he could feel so much anguish over the death of a mere mortal. They were fragile and insignificant. Their existence was to procreate and die of illness or surface wounds, like insects. How could one man he had known only temporarily cause him to feel such grief? It was preposterous. He was mortified with himself, his weakness. He should have known he would get hurt, but of all the disappointments in his life, nothing had ever hurt him quite like this. 

He was so lost in his own self-pity, he almost didn’t hear the movement downstairs, but then there was the unmistakable sound of a chair scraping across the floor. He made himself invisible again and went down the stairs. He couldn’t believe who he saw. It was Captain Rogers, sitting, drinking alone, clearly crying. How dare he? Loki thought. How dare he come into the place he had shared with Bucky, and to mourn over him no less. Something shifted in Loki. A violence flared inside him that he could barely control. He moved toward the man who had provoked him and reached out to wrap his hand around Rogers’ neck. 

Movement to his left interrupted him. It was Agent Carter. Saved again, Captain.  

Loki listened intently to their conversation. Rogers talked of someone named Schmidt, and Hydra, and how he was going to go after them. It was all new information to Loki. Maybe it wouldn’t have been if he’d been paying closer attention to the SSR, but it gave him a new target. He didn’t know where this Schmidt was, but he might as well start with the first Nazis he could find. 

He could have waited to see what Rogers’ plan was, but he was impulsive, and he wanted to get there first. He left the city in a stolen vehicle and went straight to the Stansted airfield just outside of London. He was able to get in with his RAF uniform and a silver tongue, but he simply made himself invisible to steal the plane, which he found easy enough to pilot. They didn’t know what was happening until he was gone. 

He headed to the Alps, his anger growing as he flew over Europe. He thought of every violent act he would inflict upon his enemies. He embraced the mania, letting it consume him, leaving no room for sadness. By the time he reached the mountain range he was in such a frenzy he didn't even attempt to land the plane. He let it crash into the trees while he jumped out and ran in the direction of the activity he detected in the area. When he deduced that it was a Nazi encampment he’d found, the mayhem he created was so savage it looked as if it could have only been caused by a wild animal. Or a monster. The few lucky ones who did not wake from the screams were slaughtered in their cots in the wee hours of the morning. 

Not a soul was left alive.

He'd intended on slaying more, finding every last Nazi in the vicinity, and presumably the Hydra group Rogers had mentioned, but suddenly he was seized by the Bifrost. He had dropped the illusion that had kept him camouflaged from Asgard in his rampage, and Heimdall sent the portal to stop him before he could do any more damage.

Heimdall grabbed him as he tried to push past. “You call that a little fun?”

“Oh, why do you care?” Loki said, jerking away from Heimdall’s grasp.

“You went too far.”

“Too far? Please! They deserved it,” he spat. 

“That may be,” Heimdall said, “but the outcome of their war is not up to you. You had to be stopped.”

“By that logic, your interference was just as inappropriate,” Loki retorted.

“That massacre was not your purpose for visiting Midgard. I would have stopped it sooner had I known. What else were you doing there that I was not privy to?”

“I don't answer to you.”

“But you will answer to Odin.”

Loki whipped around and came so close to Heimdall that their faces were only inches apart. “And who sent me there in the first place, Gatekeeper?”

Heimdall didn't have a response to that. He knew he was culpable, but he stared back defiantly. 

Loki sneered, “Know this… If you dare utter a word to anyone, you will regret it. Stay out of my way from now on.” 

In Loki's mind, it wasn't the event of Bucky's death that sent him down a darker path. In fact, he didn't see any correlation with his changed behavior or even that his behavior had changed at all. He tried to put it out of his mind entirely. Just move on from the whole undignified ordeal. He had already lived over a thousand years, this was just a footnote in his lifetime. 

But slowly he was drowning. No matter how much he tried to ignore it, he was tormented by the memory of his temporary happiness. Loki had thought when he met Bucky that his life was about to go in a different trajectory, and he was correct, though not in the way he had anticipated. It had been a long time since Loki had felt he had any innocence left, but if he had any before he went to Earth, he no longer did. His personality now consisted of pessimism and unyielding brutality. 

He rebuffed Frigga’s attempts at getting him to talk. She knew something about him was different even though he used a considerable amount of effort to conceal it. But she also knew how much she could push him, and she seemed to know if she tried too hard it could be catastrophic.

Moreover, one thing Loki never, ever liked to do was think too inwardly about his flaws. He would not admit he had become increasingly volatile, nor accept one word of criticism of his disposition. He felt he was permitted to act out because he was owed it after what he had lost. It started with pranks, which were not unfamiliar to the people of the court, but the severity of the tricks became unreasonable. 

He already had a rocky relationship with Sif and she continued to be a target for his cruel antics. He went to Midgard and hijacked a plane. He hurled countless insults around and sabotaged many banquets. He turned Thor into a frog. But it got worse from there. As the years passed the havoc he wreaked became injurious to himself and others. His aggression had no loyalty. His motivations constantly changed depending on what he could justify at the time. 

He and Thor had always been close, despite a natural and healthy rivalry, but after what happened on Earth, Thor became the object of Loki’s ire. After all, Thor was the one who had tempted him to go there in the first place. 

Loki became obsessed with dissecting why it was that Thor was so favored by Odin as heir to the throne of Asgard, when he was so obviously unsuitable. It infuriated Loki, not so much because he longed for the throne himself, but because Thor did not deserve it. It had never been his ambition that made Loki jealous of Thor, contrary to what many believed. It was that Thor would always reap everything he could ever want, and Loki never would. Loki concluded that if he wanted anything, he had to fight for it, with no regard for the collateral damage. 

Loki had found many ways to meddle with Thor’s life, but allowing the Jotuns to ruin Thor’s coronation was when he learned he was willing to stop at nothing, including sacrificing their relationship to get what he wanted. It escalated quickly and came to a head when Thor was banished to Midgard after Loki schemed to attack Jotunheim. 

Then Loki discovered he was the spawn of a frost giant and that Odin had only saved him as a baby to be used as a bargaining tool. It all made sense why he’d felt inferior to Thor for so long. It was because he was. He flew into such a rage at Odin that it caused him to fall into the Odinsleep.

Loki asked Frigga why he’d been lied to his entire life, and she insisted they were family and the lie was so Loki wouldn’t feel different. It was too late, however, Loki had too much distrust for them. He sensed he’d just been waiting for something like this to happen. Something to justify him losing control entirely. He felt released from the shackles of being a part of the royal family and decisively gave in to his darkest impulses. If he was a Jotun monster, why not act like one?

At first, he was shocked when he was made king in Odin’s absence, but the power he was offered was too great to deny. After what he had learned about his family, he felt he was more than owed the throne. It was his birthright after all and Odin had stolen that from him, as he had stolen everything. “Asgard is yours,” Frigga had said. He was only taking what he had been offered. 

Even then, he could have stopped his scheming. He could have repaired things. Instead, he lied to Thor that Odin had died and their mother didn’t want him to come home. That was Loki’s point of no return. He locked himself into his new villainous identity and his path of destruction.

When Loki attacked Thor on Midgard with the Destroyer, the worst part was that Thor was apologetic. He didn’t even know what he’d done to become the recipient of Loki’s temper, but he was still sorry for it, which only made Loki angrier. Thor was willing to lay down his life to make it right, offering Loki his life in exchange for the innocent mortals. It sickened Loki that Thor performed these acts of heroism so effortlessly, but it was Loki who was the righteous one. He was the one doing what was best for Asgard.

Loki was so blinded by his desire to be legitimized by Odin that he couldn’t see that what he was doing would not meet Odin’s approval. Loki tried to enact his plan of destroying Jotunheim in an attempt to solidify his efficacy as ruler, but Thor got in his way. They got into a brawl, worse than they ever had before because this time Loki was not holding back in any way, though he could tell that Thor was. 

“Loki this is madness!” Thor screamed.

 “Is it madness? Is it? Is it?” Loki taunted.

It was, and he was embracing it. He had fallen so deep into his self-loathing that at that moment, any last shred of sanity he had left his body. “Come on. What happened to you on Earth that turned you so soft?” He spat with a vitriol he’d never expressed before, though it had festered below the surface for some time. “Don't tell me it was that woman.”

Thor didn't know it, but in Loki's eyes, this love for a mortal and the motivation for Thor’s valor was the worst offense he could have committed. Why did he get to have his mortal romance and subsequent impromptu discovery of a conscience? It infuriated Loki more than anything else ever had. Loki took it personally. He treated Thor like he was directly responsible for Bucky's demise. 

Threatening Thor’s love had the desired effect. Thor began to fight back in earnest. Loki hadn’t expected to beat his brother in the duel. In fact, what he really wanted was for Thor to end him. That way he could punish Thor for having Loki’s blood on his hands, and Loki would be in Hel, where maybe, at long last, he wouldn’t have to feel anything anymore. 

He had intended to die when he’d let himself fall into the abyss. If Odin had shown just an ounce of approval for Loki’s actions, he would not have let go, but when he was spurned by the Allfather he knew then he had nothing left to live for. 

However, the universe had other plans, and he fell through a wormhole landing him in one of the worst places in space, and from there he traveled around all the worst places, until he ended up in front of someone truly terrifying. Someone he’d only heard rumors of: Thanos.

Ironically, Thor saving Jotunheim by destroying the Bifrost prevented Asgard from interfering with the chaos and marauding that ensued across the Nine Realms and beyond. In his exile, Loki witnessed it all, and he was hardened even further. Of all the beings he encountered, he was only embraced by one.

Loki was susceptible to Thanos’ promises when he was discovered by him at his lowest point, more pliable than he would like to admit. He was vulnerable, he had no purpose, he wanted an enemy – always needing someone to blame for his losses. He was exactly who Thanos required to do his dirty work. Loki fell for the lies and fantasies easily. Loki may have considered himself a trickster, but he was well and truly the ideal pawn for the Mad Titan. 

Loki had seen what Thanos could do. He had seen and heard of many of the planets whose populations had been ravaged. It was as if Thanos knew exactly what would tempt Loki the most – power . He’d felt out of control for so long that control over Midgard was precisely what Loki hungered for. He wanted to make that world suffer, as he had. It was too perfect, revenge on the world that had taken his happiness, and revenge on Thor whose sentiment for Earth was no secret. 

Loki’s lack of respect for mortal life increased exponentially during the time that followed. He didn’t know that the scepter he had been given was corrupting him. Making the already hateful ideas so much worse. When Agent Barton had told him they had to go to Stuttgart to acquire the iridium needed to move forward with their plans, Loki was only too happy to cause some carnage there. He remembered the Germans being Bucky’s enemies during the war. 

Loki had been waiting for Captain Rogers to appear. When he'd discovered from Agent Barton that Captain Rogers, the one who had been Bucky's friend, was still alive. That he’d been frozen for 70 years, Loki became even more determined to go through with his plan to conquer Midgard.

“The soldier. The man out of time,” he snarled. Seeing Rogers in the flesh felt like a punch to Loki's chest. It had been a long time in Midgard years, but here Rogers was, exactly the same. It was so comically unfair that this man still lived. Surely it could have just as easily been Bucky? But of course it wasn't. The one human Loki cared about had been gone for a long time. There was nothing he wanted more than to kill Captain America. It was he who should have died that day. Wasn’t all this chaos his fault, really? 

But Loki’s plan was for the Avengers to kill each other.

It had been quite some time since he’d seen his brother, but the animosity had not faded. When he saw Thor again, even the smallest grievances he’d forgotten over time came to his mind with a vengeance. 

“So you take the world I love as a recompense for your imagined slights?” Thor had said.

It was the most astute Thor had ever been, though Loki didn’t believe the slights were imagined at all. He was convinced of them. Loki was narcissistic enough to think his problems surpassed those of any other and that the injustices he had faced were the worst. As if he was the only being to ever feel loss. Therefore, he told himself the pain he was inflicting was deserved.

Deep down, however, he knew what he was doing was wrong. Furthermore, he knew it was a blight on Bucky’s memory for Loki to use his death as justification for his wrongdoings. He still thought about Bucky all the time, perhaps even more so now that he was no longer pretending to be unaffected by his loss. 

Agent Coulson had been correct when he said Loki lacked conviction, but that wasn't a truth Loki was willing to face when he'd already come so far in his journey of bloodshed. It only propelled his plans and enhanced his delusions. He realized he was in over his head far too late. He could not stop, even when he knew he should. Perhaps it was this realization that caused his downfall, because he faltered, or perhaps he was just predisposed to lose. 

It was his fate. 

Afterward, when Thor took Loki back to Asgard to face his punishment at the hands of Odin, he could barely recall the conflict in New York with any clarity, so muddled was his brain by the Mind Stone. Once he was no longer in possession of the scepter, he could feel how much it had been negatively affecting him. It had infected his mind, taking the hatred that was there and expanding it. Or, perhaps it had all been due to his mental collapse before he’d even come into contact with the stone. He didn’t know which was worse. Regardless, his mind had been disturbed, and he was coming to terms with the severity of what had happened, although his pride prevented him from outwardly displaying any remorse. 

Odin had given up all pretenses that he cared for Loki like a true son, which suited Loki just fine. It was just another justification for the resentment he had toward the Allfather. He tried to goad Odin into putting him out of his misery, but instead, he was imprisoned in the dungeons, apparently saved by Frigga. 

Loki thought Odin a hypocrite for punishing him for bringing a war to Midgard when it was from Odin that he had learned to think of mortal lives as nothing. Still, he wished Odin cared enough to visit him in his cell. But he never did. The only person who bothered was Frigga, even though it was only through magical projection and Loki held that against her. 

He blamed Frigga for her complicity in Odin's belittlements throughout his life too. His adoptive parents may have believed they treated Loki as they did Thor, but he had not felt that way. His time imprisoned was spent microscopically revisiting and reevaluating every memory where he had felt disadvantaged. His developmental years had been fraught with confusion, never understanding why he’d felt out of place. It was easy to funnel all of his wrath into his feelings of betrayal. It was easy to blame Odin and Thor as the reason why Loki had done what he had done.

“You're always so perceptive about everyone but yourself,” were the last words his mother spoke to him. Something changed in him after that. Her death had the opposite effect on him than Bucky's had. Instead of a blinding rage, he succumbed to his grief differently, perhaps because he blamed himself for it. He mourned for her deeply. He totally fell apart, spending all day, day after day crying, not eating or sleeping. He would go from pacing around and destroying his cell to not moving for hours on end.

He admitted to himself that he truly regretted what he had done, and even while he’d been doing it, he hadn't really wanted to. His mother had been correct, as she always was, and he wished he'd confided in her when he'd been able to. He admitted to himself that he had fallen in love with Bucky on that short-lived trip to Midgard, and the devastation of losing him had overwhelmed him so much he’d lost himself to it. It had been easier to destroy than deal with his unresolved pain. He’d used his grief as an alibi for his villainy, and that had been a grave mistake.

He wanted to find peace within himself, but how he'd been behaving had resulted in the opposite. He needed to find his way back somehow but it seemed impossible. He was locked up for eternity. It didn't make any difference if he wanted to change or not.

Until Thor arrived needing his help. 

Thor had framed it as vengeance for the death of their mother, but the real aim was to save his beloved human Jane. Loki tried to warn Thor that loving Jane would only lead to his heartbreak. It was not worth the suffering. He told Thor he should say goodbye. Even if she didn’t die that day, she would soon enough.

When Thor had been banished to Midgard and then returned, Loki had recognized a change in him that he had experienced himself because he too had fallen in love with a mortal. How was it possible that the humans they had encountered, only briefly, had so easily affected them? Were they not gods? Shouldn't they be immune to such things?

“The only woman whose love you’ve prized will be snatched from you,” Loki said.

“And will that satisfy you?” Thor demanded.

Loki knew that it wouldn’t. It didn’t matter how much Thor lost anymore, it could never change what Loki had lost. His bitterness toward Thor was pointless. “Satisfaction is not in my nature.”

Thor would not heed Loki’s warning, unsurprisingly. Not that Loki would have acted any differently had he been in the same position. Loki tried to help him anyway. Before he decided to play dead for a while. 

Loki stayed out of Midgard affairs after that, only visiting once to drop off a confused Odin to a care home. He did at least want a little bit of revenge, he thought he was owed that much. It was his greatest trick yet, considering Odin’s power, but it wasn’t anything Odin couldn’t break out of, eventually. Reverting to his old tricks wasn’t exactly the best plan Loki could have come up with to move on with his life, but in a way, it helped to reclaim his identity as a mischief-maker and do things without any real wickedness behind them. 

Once his aspiration to take the throne had been fulfilled – by posing as Odin – his interest in ruling waned. Perhaps it was because Thor was no longer his competition, and so it became less of a prize, but Loki discovered ruling didn’t suit him much at all. It was fun for a while to be in the most powerful position in Asgard, but leading the kingdom was rather dull. He wanted to move on to something else, but didn’t know what. He was restless. 

He hated to admit it, but Odin had been right about one thing: he had always taught Loki and Thor that they would only ever achieve true happiness by living a virtuous life. Loki thought perhaps that was why his mother was the only one in their family who’d truly ever been at peace. She was the only one who had been pure. It certainly explained why Loki had been miserable for much of his life. He had been petty and jealous. Even before he’d met Bucky, he had not been happy. He’d had his demons for a long time, and when things inevitably went wrong, he had blamed others. Then he had blamed his heritage, telling himself it was natural for him to behave as he did. He knew how stupid he had been – something he was disgusted by – and it was hard to come to terms with that, but he did so nevertheless.

He supposed he was thankful when Thor showed up to disrupt the peace. Thor was furious at him for faking his own death, and he blamed Loki for Odin's demise, the reemergence of Hela, and Ragnarok itself. Loki couldn't blame Thor for being upset. He'd gone through a similar realization when he'd discovered his true parentage – Odin had lied to both of them. A lot. 

When Loki ended up on Sakaar, he thought maybe it was the opportunity he’d been hoping for to start his life anew. Unfortunately, the thought was fleeting, for the Hulk showed up and immediately extinguished his plan to stay. He did try to make something work, but Thor was causing so many problems that Loki figured it was best he find somewhere else to go. But if he didn’t even belong on a trash planet like Sakaar, where was he meant to go?

Having a heist to pull off with his brother, he found he was starting to have fun again, and he didn’t want to part ways with Thor. But he didn’t want to be the one to say it either. Too much had happened between them. He wanted Thor to make the first move. Loki tested the waters by suggesting he stay on Sakaar. When Thor agreed with him, his heart dropped. 

“Do you truly think so little of me?” he'd asked

Thor had stated he thought the world of Loki, which gave Loki some hope, but then he implied they were too different. “I don’t know, maybe there’s still good in you, but let's be honest, our paths diverged a long time ago.”

Loki could not think of a response to that. He knew it was his fault – everything. But a part of him had always relied on Thor to be there, as a friend or an enemy, it didn’t matter, because he was there, a constant in Loki’s life when everything else spun out of control. Thor had always had faith in Loki, even when he was angry. He’d loved Loki when Loki had given him every reason to feel otherwise. 

He should have been used to rejection by then, but it was Thor’s indifference that hurt the most. Did he really think Loki never wanted to see him again? He supposed he couldn't blame his brother for that, but since Thor had told him he was better off staying on Sakaar, why not betray him one more time? Especially if it had the bonus of keeping Thor on Sakaar too. However, even Thor could see how predictable Loki had become and he’d been one step ahead of him. 

It could have been because he had no future on Sakaar that Loki went back to Asgard, or even because he wanted to see Thor again, but a large reason was that he’d realized Thor was right. If Thor truly thought Loki could be more than just the God of Mischief, then why couldn't Loki believe that of himself?

Even though he had given up on his malevolence, he hadn’t really learned how to improve his life in a healthy way. He reflected that not doing horrible things wasn’t enough. He had to actually do better, and by surprising people with doing the right thing, he could move forward like he wanted to. 

When Thor greeted him with a casual “You're late,” Loki suspected Thor had purposely tried to force him into doing the right thing. Thor hadn’t really planned to never see Loki again after all. He’d trusted that Loki would come to his aid. Loki hadn’t thought Thor had it in him to bluff like that. He was impressed.

The utter destruction of Asgard did not depress Loki the way it did Thor. They had always known Ragnarok was prophesied, but Thor had never believed it would come to pass in his lifetime, and Loki hadn’t cared if it did. For Loki, it was almost a relief to say goodbye to Asgard. It had been a prison for him in many ways and seeing it demolished had given him a sense of liberation he didn’t know was obtainable. 

Loki wasn’t even that troubled by the notion of returning to Midgard. Thor had said everything was going to work out fine, and he’d actually believed him. Unfortunately, the sense of calm he’d had was soon disrupted by Thanos. 

Loki had been lulled into a false sense of security after New York. He should have known that Thanos would not relinquish his deranged schemes so easily after the defeat by the Avengers, nor would he forget what Loki had cost him. But Loki had been too consumed with his own life to prepare himself for the reemergence of the Mad Titan. 

The Statesman was swiftly taken into possession by Thanos, though not without a fight, and Valkyrie was safely able to evacuate at least half of the Asgardians. Loki knew he had to stay and help his brother. He watched in horror as Thanos and his Black Order killed anyone they could find, and seriously injured Thor. Thanos’ henchmen gathered around Loki so he couldn’t escape, pushing him around but leaving him mostly unharmed. It was obvious that they’d been instructed not to kill him yet as Thanos wanted him waiting, petrified of the retribution that was coming to him. 

Thanos demanded the Tesseract or Thor’s head. Loki cursed himself for taking it when Asgard had been burning to the ground. He just hadn't been able to resist when he saw it sitting there in the vault. What about the political advantages the Cube could afford him? He couldn’t let it be destroyed with Asgard. It was wasteful. 

He knew it was pointless to deny having it now, and it would have been an easy trade to make, the Tesseract for Thor, but he also knew giving Thanos what he demanded would only mean more chaos and destruction. Furthermore, he knew Thanos couldn't be trusted to keep his side of the bargain. Loki tried bluffing, but as Thanos set about torturing Thor, he gave up almost immediately and produced the Cube in his hand. 

As he moved to hand it over, Loki made peace with the fact his time was up. Thanos would kill him as soon as he had what he wanted. A sense of calm came over Loki and he felt happy to be leaving life having saved Thor’s. Perhaps he would make it to Valhalla after all. 

But then from the corner of his eye, he saw the Hulk. A glimmer of hope. He walked forward as if to give Thanos the magical object, then dived out of the way, grabbing Thor as he went down and the Hulk charged Thanos. The Tesseract fell out of sight. In fact, he’d practically thrown it away in his haste to save Thor from Thanos’ clutches. He didn’t care. 

As he watched Thanos triumph over the Hulk, he started devising the only plan he knew would ensure their survival: his death.

He allowed himself to be manhandled by Thanos’ ruffians and thrown to his knees, but he fought back, knowing he only had one chance at making it as believable as possible. Thor played right into his plan as Loki knew he would – attacking Thanos and then getting himself bound, quite helpfully, and out of the way. 

As a last resort, Heimdall conjured the Bifrost to send the Hulk down to Earth to warn the humans of what was coming. Thanos turned his attention to Heimdall, fatally wounding him. Thor screamed, but Loki knew it had to be this way for his plan to work. 

Ebony Maw obsequiously bowed in front of Thanos, handing the Tesseract over as if he hadn’t just found it on the floor like the piece of abandoned litter it was. It was a horrible sight to see, Thanos claiming the stone, another step closer to fulfilling his diabolical plan, and Loki being partially responsible for it, but he couldn’t dwell on that. He took a deep breath. Showtime. “If I might interject,” he said. Thanos turned to look at him and his Order held Loki down with more force, suspicious of his motives, as he was expecting them to be. “If you’re going to Earth, you might want a guide.”

Thanos bristled at this, just as Loki knew he would, for what would the Mighty Thanos need Loki for? Loki who had already proved himself to be a failure. Loki, who Thanos had not one single use for. Loki had been nothing but a pawn for Thanos before, and now he couldn’t even provide that service. Thanos turned away, and with a flick of his wrist, he commanded his children to dispose of Loki. 

Loki performed his part expertly, struggling against them, pleading for mercy as the blade came down to decapitate him. Thor involuntarily played his role beautifully, crying with genuine despair. If Loki hadn’t been concentrating so hard on the projection, he would have been touched. Ebony Maw picked up Loki’s ‘head’ and held it up to Thor’s face, taunting him with it. Loki used all the power he could muster to keep the illusion going. He was sure even the smallest error in his sorcery could alert Thanos to the fact it was all a farce. 

What truly made it work was that Thanos had controlled Loki in the past and so underestimated him now. Thanos thought so little of Loki that he didn’t even watch the execution. He didn’t question if Loki was still alive or not. He accepted Loki’s death easily, just as Loki had planned. It was a simple trick, yet effective. Thanos was the most powerful being in the universe, but that was his weakness. He knew how powerful he was and so couldn’t see the little magic trick right in front of him. It didn't escape Loki’s notice that he had made the same error many times in the throws of his megalomania.

Thanos set the spaceship ablaze before transporting himself and his children off of it, leaving Thor to die alone. Or so he thought. Once they were gone the magic of Thor’s restraints was lifted and he crawled over to Loki’s lifeless body. 

“No, Loki.” Thor clutched Loki’s chest and wept.

Loki probably waited a bit too long to reveal to his brother that he wasn't actually dead, especially since their ship was going up in flames, but he was a trickster after all. He was inclined to revel in that kind of thing. 

“Ugh, get off of me!” He pushed at the heavy arms of his brother.

Thor gasped. “Loki. You're alive!” He touched Loki’s face, which was not beheaded after all and was visibly a part of his intact body once again. 

“Of course I'm alive, you fool. How many times are you going to fall for that?” The flames around them were getting higher. They had to get off the ship soon.

“What about Heimdall?” Thor asked, not even noticing the insult.

Loki shook his head.  “I'm sorry. He's gone.” Suddenly, Thor punched him. “Ow! What was that for? I just saved your life!”

“You gave Thanos the Tesseract!” Thor yelled.

“To save your life!”

They squabbled for a while longer as they desperately searched the Statesman for a lifepod off of it, but there was nothing left and the flames were speedily encroaching on them. 

“I can transform us into inanimate debris so we can float through space until we find someone to help us,” Loki offered.

“Debris? I’m the God of Thunder!” Thor declared as if that was reason enough for him not to be turned into debris.

“Well, what do you suggest?”

“Can’t you fashion us a ship out of –” Thor didn’t get to finish his sentence because the ship blew up, sending them both flying into space. 

Loki must have been knocked out by the explosion because he woke with a groan, in pain and confused as to where he was. He banged into something sharp, a piece of their blown apart ship, which cruelly alerted him back to the dire straits he was in. He was still alive, but for how much longer? He floated around trying to catch sight of Thor, which was difficult amidst so many bodies. He saw him just as another ship arrived, most likely a responder to the Statesman’s distress signal. Thor went hurtling toward it.

For a moment, Loki considered letting Thor go. He figured Thor would be fine with the newcomers, and he should just go off on his own. But then he thought about Thanos and how he very much wanted to defeat him, and he found his determination to get himself onto the new ship with his brother. He pushed off against a large piece of broken fuselage and flung himself onto the ship with Thor, just as the door was closing.

“Hey, who the hell are you?” asked a small furry creature wearing clothing.

“I am Loki, of Asgard, and you have my brother.”

A beautiful woman with green skin spoke up, “Asgardians?”

“How the hell are you guys still alive?” another asked. 

The crew dragged Thor along the floor and then hoisted him up onto a table. They started inspecting him by pulling at his limbs and poking at him. Loki pushed them away. “Thor? Thor wake up.”

Thor didn't so much as flinch. Loki was starting to worry. He shook him. “Thor?”

The person who appeared to be their leader told one of the crew to wake Thor up. An alien woman placed her hand on Thor’s forehead and said “Wake.”

Thor jumped up from the table, scaring everyone. He turned around, breathing hard. “Who the hell are you guys?”

It took a while to get everyone caught up on what was happening with Thanos. Then they all fought over what they should do about it, and where they needed to go. Loki and Thor laid out what they thought Thanos would be planning to retrieve the rest of the stones. 

“Then we have to go to Knowhere now,” said Gamora.

“Wrong,” said Thor. He looked at Loki “Where we have to go is Nidavellir.” Loki instantly knew what Thor wanted. A new hammer. 

The raccoon volunteered to take Thor to Nidavallir in the pod while the others wanted to go to Knowhere. 

“Loki, you stay here,” Thor said, when they had come to an arrangement. 

“What? Absolutely not. I'm going with you.”

“Just stay here on the ship, out of trouble.”

“Thor, do you really think you'll be fine with nothing but a tree and a raccoon for backup?”

“Hey!” said the raccoon.

“I am Groot," snarled the tree.

“I’m going,” said Loki. 

Thor thought about it for a minute. “Well, I guess it's better that I can keep an eye on you. If you encounter Thanos again you won't survive a second time.”

When Thor, Loki, Rocket, and Groot made their thunderous entrance to Wakanda with the newly forged Stormbreaker, they were greeted with a mixed response. Mixed in that their allies were delighted to see Thor, but wary of Loki. He didn’t think much of it because almost instantaneously he was assaulted by a group of disgusting outriders. He violently fought them off and continued to send daggers left and right at all of the vile creatures he came across. 

He was so focused on attacking that when he saw someone who was so very far from an enemy, it stopped him in his tracks. Bucky. His face was so burned into Loki's memory that he knew he could not be mistaken. He felt as if his gut had been turned to rocks. How? How was Bucky alive? 

Bucky looked completely different from the clean-shaven, boyish soldier Loki had met in the past, but still no less beautiful. He had some sort of bionic arm, but that wasn't what had altered his whole demeanor, that seemed to be something else, coming from within. 

Still, it was him, and when their eyes met, Bucky stopped short and stared, confirming what Loki already knew. Loki’s soul came alive.

Bucky had obviously been so thrown off by seeing Loki that he’d let his attention subside, and he didn’t see the alien until it was too late. He was knocked to the ground and valiantly fought back, but his position was vulnerable. Loki sprinted toward him and stabbed a dagger through the creature's ear. The body fell on top of Bucky, but Loki rushed to push the revolting heap off of him. He knelt beside Bucky and moved to help him up, but Bucky just stared up at him. “Loki?” he gasped.

Loki’s heart skipped a beat. “Yes. You remember?”

Bucky nodded as he started to sit up. “Yeah.”

“Could it really be you…?” Loki said. “I thought…”

“Steve, look out!” Bucky abruptly yelled, pointing behind him. Loki whipped his head around and blasted the alien that was about to stab Captain Rogers in the back. He was sufficiently distracted and did not notice that Bucky had extricated himself from Loki’s grasp and jumped back into the fray. Loki called after him, but Bucky didn’t turn away from his assault on the enemy.

Rocket ran past Loki. “Hey! Use your wizard magic to get me that guy’s arm, will ya?” he said.

“Not on your life!”

“I'll get that arm!” Rocket shouted, then he was gone again.

Loki couldn't see where Bucky had gone either so he went back to killing as many monsters as he could. It felt endless, but then the atmosphere changed, indicating Thanos’ arrival, which was ultimately worse.

Loki saw Thor fly through the sky and send an enormous blast down at something. He assumed it was Thanos. Loki sent one final stab into the alien he had been battling and raced in that direction.

He emerged into the clearing just as Bucky disintegrated into nothing. “No,” he said, disbelieving. He watched helplessly as Rogers clutched at the ground, looking at Thor as if he could do something about it.

Loki turned and walked deep into the forest. He wanted to destroy everything in sight. Rip up every tree root and burn it all to ash. His hands balled into fists, but the rage he had always relied on before just wasn't there. Instead, he collapsed onto the ground in despair and cried. 

A week later, Loki was sitting outside the Avengers Compound in the quiet when Captain Rogers approached him. “Mind if I sit?”

Loki shifted uncomfortably, but he shook his head. Rogers sat and leaned back with his arms crossed. He looked up at the clear sky. Loki determinedly kept his gaze on the Hudson River. The moonlight reflected off of it spectacularly. “It’s not as magnificent as the lakes of Asgard,” Loki said. “But it has its charm.”

Rogers raised an eyebrow and exhaled. “Yeah. Although it’s hard to appreciate it right now.”

“I find it’s the only thing that’s keeping me from falling apart,” Loki said. 

Rogers didn’t respond. They both sat staring out at the water in silence for a long time. All Loki could think about in Rogers' presence was Bucky. He wanted to talk about him, but it felt like it was physically impossible. He searched his mind for anything else, but luckily Rogers spoke first. 

“Thank you for joining the fight. For trying.”

“Please don't thank me,” Loki said. It made him feel that much worse that the entire thing had been a failure. He didn’t deserve thanks, especially from Steve Rogers. 

Rogers turned to him, “I admit when I saw you, I was worried, but since Thor says you’ve changed, well, I believe him.”

“I suppose I have grown up,” Loki said. “I lost my way, but I want to make amends.”

Rogers nodded. “It won’t be easy.”

“Nor should it be,” Loki said. “I stupidly used to think humans were weak, their lives insignificant. My father taught me so. The truth is, I've always felt inferior, and I made myself feel powerful by making others fear me.” He wasn’t quite sure why he was confessing all this to Rogers. The man had a way about him that evoked a feeling of safety. 

Rogers didn't say anything, but he seemed to be listening at least, so Loki continued. “Any confidence I had in myself… it was all an act. Don't get me wrong, there were times when I genuinely believed I was right. I suppose I'd fallen so deep into the lies I told myself that I couldn’t see reason. I didn't even want power, not really, I just wanted the same respect my father and my brother had, and I wanted their respect too.”

Rogers was quiet for a moment, and Loki wondered if he even believed anything Loki was saying or if he thought it was just another cheap trick. When he spoke, it was carefully worded. “I've seen enough bullies in my life to understand how it happens. I don't think it's right, but I understand it.” He paused. “I think people can change. But you did a lot of damage.”

“I know.”

“Thor thinks there's still good in you, and I trust him.” Loki felt a surge of gratitude toward his brother. He was more like Frigga than he knew. “Look,” Rogers continued, “I can't forgive you for everything you did. It's not my place to. But I believe you when you say you want to help now. And we can use all the help we can get. As long as you keep trying to make up for your past, I'm not going to turn you away.”

Acceptance. That was what he'd always wanted. It meant more to Loki coming from Rogers than he would ever know. Not just because he was the leader of the Avengers, or because he wasn't a family member and could objectively acknowledge Loki’s ability to repent, but also because he was Bucky's best friend. 

“Thank you,” Loki said.

The problem was none of them knew where to start. They had lost. How could they come back from that? There was a lot of just sitting around with their heads in their hands. 

Loki had been sitting doing absolutely nothing when he felt the building start to shake. Everyone ran outside just in time to see a spaceship land on the grassy field. Loki and Thor hung back while the others went over to meet the ship. Loki watched as Rogers helped Tony Stark down the stairs. He didn't look like he could walk on his own.

“Brother,” Thor said, “you should make yourself scarce.”

“I agree,” Loki said, even though he was hesitant to leave the action. He may have somewhat gained acceptance from Captain Rogers, but it didn't seem like this was the best time to surprise Stark with his presence in the state he was in.

He turned to go, but Thor stopped him. “Wait,” he grabbed Loki's arm, hard. “Can I trust you?” The stare he gave Loki seared right into his soul. Loki understood why Thor was questioning him. They'd only just reconciled, and the chaos the world was in was just the type of thing that would have tempted Loki in the past. He’d always been opportunistic when he wasn’t actively scheming. Thor may have told Rogers he trusted Loki, but it was another thing to let him go out into the world unaccompanied. 

Loki stared back just as intently. “Yes, brother, you can.”

Thor released him and nodded, “Go.”

Through the leaked S.H.I.E.L.D files on the internet and subsequent news articles and think pieces, Loki discovered what had become of Bucky since that day 80 Midgard years ago when he’d been believed to be dead. What Loki learned was awful, but he was sure it didn't paint the full picture of the depravity Hydra had subjected Bucky to, nor did it explain how Bucky had ended up in Wakanda. There were forums where people were dedicated to arguing over Bucky's innocence regarding the crimes he had committed over the years. Loki couldn't see how anyone could fault him for any of it, but there were people who were adamant he should be incarcerated or worse. Typical mortals, Loki thought, letting his biases take over, they loved a good witch-hunt. 

He blamed himself for not going to look for Bucky. At the time, he had totally dismissed the Strategic Scientific Reserve as silly, and Hydra along with it. They had just sounded like a fringe group with no real power. He'd missed that they had been in possession of the Tesseract, and he didn't know about what they'd already done to Bucky when Loki met him. He wondered what he would have done if he'd gotten his hands on the Tesseract back then. The catastrophic event he would have unleashed on the world. He was relieved he hadn't. 

He tried not to dwell on the past too much, but he did indulge in some witch hunts of his own, tracking down any Hydra bases that remained, though it seemed as if others, maybe even Bucky, had already gotten to most of them. He found a few stragglers who had escaped and swiftly put an end to them. It was merciful and more than they deserved, in his opinion. 

That was how he spent a lot of time in the years that followed, but eventually, he settled into life in Tønsberg with the remaining Asgardians, or as they had begun calling it, New Asgard. The place that had been home to the Tesseract for centuries. He had to see it as an opportunity, it was what he had wanted, to be able to start over. He wondered if The Snap hadn’t happened if it would have been as easy for him to settle on Midgard. He would reverse it in a heartbeat if he could, and he would have accepted any punishment the mortals would discipline him with, but he had managed to slip under the radar with all the other problems the universe had been cursed with due to The Snap, and he acknowledged that he had benefited from it. 

He and Valkyrie had been collaborating a lot – though Loki mostly deferred to Valkyrie’s leadership – since Thor wasn’t much help in his spiraling condition. Loki took pride in the work he put in to build up the community, no longer finding the work boring. He enjoyed having people specifically seek out his opinion and put his plans into action without hesitation. New Asgard was developing as best it could given the circumstances. However, Loki was trying extremely hard to not be his usual impatient self with Thor. He was sympathetic – he could relate to how Thor felt, and he’d certainly had a more destructive meltdown, but it was still vexing to Loki. It was so unlike Thor.

Loki and Valkyrie were working on the docks when Bruce Banner and Rocket arrived looking for Thor. Loki and Valkyrie looked at each other warily. “You shouldn't have come,” Valkyrie told them.

Banner ignored the comment and greeted them jovially, even Loki.

Loki stared at the beast-man who was somehow now Banner but in Hulk form. “This is unnerving,” he muttered.

“He won't see you,” Valkyrie reiterated.

“Why are you here?” Loki asked.

“We think we can change what happened. Fix it.”

Loki and Valkyrie shared a skeptical glance. Loki worried that bringing something like that up to Thor was risky in the state he was in. He lost it any time anyone so much as mentioned Thanos or The Snap. But Loki led them in the direction of Thor's cottage. Maybe this was what Thor needed. As they walked up the street, he wondered if it could be true. If they could reverse Thanos’ snap, then Bucky could come back. If that was possible, then Loki wanted in. “He's in there,” Loki said when they reached Thor’s doorway. He walked in after them. He needed to hear more about their plan. 

As expected, it took some convincing for Thor to agree to help them, but Loki was honestly surprised it had worked at all. He was grateful. For one thing, no one else had been able to get through to Thor, and Loki missed his brother. At least if all else failed, Thor might start acting like himself again. But mostly, Loki was positively thrilled at the prospect of taking back what Thanos had done. 

“You have to take me with you,” he said, as Thor stood up to prepare for the journey.

“Yeah, I don't think that's a good idea,” Banner said.

“Brother?” Loki turned to Thor, pleading. He knew despite Thor’s better judgment – which had been running low lately anyway – it wouldn't take much convincing for Thor to agree.

“Loki’s coming too,” Thor said, without any hesitation.

“The more the merrier,” Rocket said, which ordinarily might have made Loki suspicious, but he was too elated. 

“The others aren't going to like this,” Banner said. He looked sufficiently concerned about it that Loki did falter. 

“The others? Like Tony Stark?”

“Yeah, and Clint Barton, remember him?”

Loki felt a wave of shame. “Yes, of course. But if I can help in any way, I want to try.”

“I'm not gonna stop you, but you should know Clint’s a lot more vicious than he used to be.”

It wasn’t necessarily what Barton could do to him physically that gave Loki a moment of pause. He was about to walk into a situation where almost everyone hated him. That was something he had avoided for most of his life. He’d always been the one to reject first. Now, he had to surrender his pride and ask for forgiveness. It was a very uncomfortable feeling indeed, but he was not willing to shy away from it any longer, not given what was at stake.

Stark's eyes bugged out of his head when he saw Loki. “What the hell is he doing here?”

“Your savior is here,” Loki announced theatrically. He figured humor might be the best way to put Stark at ease, but he misjudged the situation egregiously because Stark just stared back at Loki, completely dumbfounded.

Banner coughed and shook his head. 

Loki laughed nervously. “Just a little joke for you there, uh…” Clearly, he should have been more prudent with his speech.

“You have got to be kidding me,” Stark said. He threw his hands in the air. “I'm in a nightmare.”

Loki gulped. “I do apologize for our last meeting. I behaved very poorly. It was a temporary error in judgment.”

“That's what you're calling flattening half of Manhattan?”

“My brother is here to help,” Thor stepped in. “I trust him. If you want me here then he stays.”

“He's a snake!”

“Well, I love snakes,” Thor said.

“You know on second thought, we don't need you. Buh-bye.” Stark waved in Thor’s face.

Either the Avengers Compound was very echoey, or they were being very loud, because the others must have heard the commotion. They now had several spectators forming around them.

“Tony,” Rogers said, “he helped us fight Thanos in Wakanda. Maybe we should give him a chance.”

Stark glared at Rogers. “Have you lost your mind? We can't afford to be giving this lunatic a chance. We have one shot at this.”

“What if we need him? What if without him, that one shot doesn't work?” Banner said.

Stark looked momentarily thoughtful but promptly turned angry again. He shook his head. “No. There’s no way.”

“Please,” Loki said. “I know I have wronged you, and I’m sincerely sorry for what I’ve done. I just want to help. I need to help.”

“And why should any of us give you what you need? ”

“Tony,” Rogers said. It was a soft, yet firm voice.

“I know you don’t have any reason to believe me, but –”

“Just stay out of my way,” Stark said and stormed off.

Loki couldn’t quite say it, but he nodded his thanks to the Captain. He noticed Agents Barton and Romanoff standing to the side, evidently watching the encounter. He walked slowly toward them. “Agent Barton,” he said cautiously. Barton gave him a hostile look but didn’t respond.

“I apologize for what I did to you,” Loki continued. “I could say it was Thanos and the Mind Stone that was making me do what I did…” He thought of something his mother once said: A true king admits his faults. He no longer wished to be a king, but he did wish to do good. “But I must take responsibility for what I did. No one forced me to join Thanos in the first place, that was all me. I shall regret that until I die.”

Romanoff glanced at Barton, whose face had not changed. He stared a moment longer before walking away without having said a word. Loki supposed that was the best he could ask for. 

When the tech suits were ready to be trialed, the group was discussing who was going to do the first test run of the Time-Space GPS. “Not it," said the Ant-Man. He was being very anxious about the Pym Particles. There were only enough for a few test runs and one had already been wasted. “I don’t think we’re ready. This is all we have left,” he fretted.

“We’re ready,” Banner said.

Barton volunteered, but Romanoff was against it. “What if it goes wrong? You need to be here when your family gets back.”

“If it doesn’t work, what difference does it make?” Barton said.

“Why don’t I go?” Loki offered. Everyone was silent. “I'm clearly the most expendable person here,” he said. Again, no one objected, but they glanced at each other, waiting for someone else to agree. Loki continued, “Well that settles it then. If this is all I can do to play my part, I will.”

“Where should we send him?” Colonel Rhodes asked, breaking the silence. 

“Send me back to the battle in Wakanda. I’ll cut off Thanos’ head.”

“No, no, no,” Banner said, waving his enormous arms around. “We can't change the past, it doesn't work like that.”

Everyone was disappointed to learn this. Banner succinctly informed them all that everything they had assumed about time travel was incorrect.

“You could go back to Wakanda and bring me back Bucky's arm," Rocket said. 

Loki scowled at him. “I propose we send me back to, I don’t know, yesterday. I’ll find Rocket and rip his arm off. You'll all be able to witness it disappearing right in front of you.”

“Whoa, looks like I hit a nerve,” Rocket said.

“Not how time travel works,” Nebula said. “Weren't you listening? Changing the past won’t change the future. His arm wouldn’t just disappear.”

“What if I rip off both of his arms?”

“No one's ripping off any arms,” Banner said.

Nebula gave an exasperated sigh. “Our timeline can’t be changed because it already happened. If we send you to yesterday to rip off Rocket’s arm, it wouldn’t change anything. Yesterday you did not show up to rip off Rocket’s arm because if you did then we wouldn’t even be discussing it now because his arm would already be gone, which means it could never happen.”

Loki stared at her. “Did anyone else understand that?”

Banner started explaining the whole thing again, but Loki cut him off, “All right, all right, pick another time.”

“Well, we should at least try a little farther back than yesterday.”

“Send him back to the forties,” Rogers said as he and Stark entered the room.

“Ah yes, a wonderful time for Midgard,” Loki said.

“It'll be all right in New York.”

“Somewhere the Tesseract isn't,” Stark said. “For the record, I think this is a terrible idea.” 

“I actually think it's the best idea Loki's ever had," Romanoff said. 

They all turned to look at her. “What? We’re in control here. He won't be able to get up to much.”

“So complimentary,” Loki said. She gave him a pinched smile. But even though he knew she was being facetious, he also thought maybe she was advocating for him in her own way. After all, she was also a reformed killer. He knew of her sins as she knew his. He had taunted her with them years ago. She understood his need for absolution more than anyone. 

“I created this machine. Why should he get to use it first," Stark said, verging on whining. 

“Are you volunteering?” Rhodes asked.

“I mean, it’ll work, I have no doubt about that.”

“But?”

“Hmm, I'm not in the mood to wear spandex today.”

“Hey, if he melts, no loss for us. And if he turns into a baby then he gets a redo,” Romanoff said. She turned and grinned at Loki. “That's what you want, right?”

“A baby? Hang on a minute –”

Rogers clapped him on the back. “You’ll be fine.”

He had to put on a smaller, very tight suit underneath the tech suit, which was uncomfortable and required a lot of maneuvering to get into. He walked over to Banner, who was stabbing at buttons on the machine. “There must be a better option than wearing this thing?” he complained.

“We’re working on it,” Banner said

“You look ridiculous,” said Thor, who had finally stumbled into the conversation. 

Loki grimaced. “Lovely. Just you wait, brother. It will be your turn soon enough.”

“So the forties? New York?” Banner said. He raised an eyebrow and looked at Loki. “He’ll need to be somewhere where he’ll know it worked but preferably not cause a scene.”

“Send him to the Stark Expo in 1943,” Rogers said. “People will just think he’s one of Howard's weird inventions.”

“No way. He's not going anywhere near my dad,” Stark said. He narrowed his eyes at Rogers whose smile faded.

“I won't go anywhere near your father, I promise. I don’t even know what he looks like,” Loki lied. 

“He’ll be gone five minutes max, it'll be fine,” Romanoff reassured them.

“Bring something back so we know that will work,” Banner said.

“Understood.”

The Quantum Tunnel felt like being in space, but also nothing like it. It felt like being squashed and totally different from going through a wormhole or the Bifrost. Loki screamed in pain as he came out of it and fell into the side of a cart. He removed his helmet, panting, and felt around for any injuries. He appeared to still be fully grown, which was a huge relief. When he regained his composure, he walked around the cart – it was selling popcorn – to see crowds of people walking past, all dressed in a bygone style. It had worked.

He walked toward a crowd of people watching some sort of presentation but stopped short when he saw Bucky. The young man walked right by him with a determined look on his face. Loki unconsciously followed, his heart racing. Bucky walked up to another young man and they started arguing. It took Loki a moment to realize the other man was a young, pre-superhuman Steve Rogers. 

Bucky and Rogers spoke a while longer, then parted with a hug. Bucky walked off with two women, and Loki followed. They walked over to a souvenir stall and the girls oohed and aahed over the accessories. Loki had gotten close enough to hear what they were saying. 

“Oh, Bucky, look at this scarf!” one of the women said. “They're hard to come by these days. Especially good ones like this. Isn’t it swell?” The small scarf was a pretty teal color. She held it up, and Loki noticed how nice the color looked next to Bucky’s handsome face. 

Bucky laughed. “It’s on me doll, but we better get out of here if you want me to have any money left for the rest of the night.” He winked at the brown-haired girl who’d asked for the scarf, and she giggled. Bucky paid for the scarf, and she shoved it into her purse. When she turned around, Loki grabbed the tail of the scarf that was still sticking out, and the silky fabric slipped completely out of her purse without her noticing at all.

Loki stood there clutching the scarf when his wrist started beeping, and suddenly he was ripped back into the Quantum Tunnel. When he came out, he fell to the ground gasping for air. Thor and Rogers ran over to him, but Stark sauntered, unconcerned. “Told you it'd work,” he said.

“It worked,” Loki said. He got to his feet and held up the scarf. Rogers moved to take it, but Loki held it away so he couldn't, unwilling to part with it. “I saw you there,” Loki said.

“Me?” Rogers forgot about the scarf. “You recognized me?”

“Yes. You and… and your friend.”

“Bucky?”

Loki nodded. “Yes.” He didn’t like how his voice had turned rough. He coughed.

“We’ll get him back Cap. We’ll get everyone back,” Banner said.

“I think someone else still needs to try it," Lang said, unconvinced it had worked.

“You're up, Barton,” Stark said.

“I'm game,” Barton said, as he glanced at Loki. “We should make sure he's not full of it.”

“Be my guest," Loki replied, irritated that his efforts had been unceremoniously disregarded.

Everyone started talking excitedly over each other. Loki followed more slowly as they walked off. He used his magic to conceal the scarf away and hoped no one else would ask about it. He planned to keep it as a souvenir of his own. He had faith they would succeed in their mission but if they didn’t, at least he would have something to remind him of Bucky.

After Barton had successfully done a test run of the time machine and they had established that it really did work, they all gathered to start planning the heist. 

“Okay, so the how works,” Rogers started, with authority. “Now we gotta figure out the when and where. Almost everyone in this room has had an encounter with at least one of the six Infinity Stones.” 

“Or substitute the word ‘encounter’ for ‘damn near been killed by one of the six Infinity Stones,” Stark said. He looked pointedly at Loki.

Perhaps cackling maniacally was not the best course of action for Loki at that moment, but he couldn’t deny it was kind of fun keeping them on their toes. Stark looked like he was about to punch him. He went into another rant about how they shouldn’t be trusting Loki, until eventually he was interrupted by Romanoff, “Can we just get back to it?”

“At least I'm not asleep like Thor,” Loki said. He still wasn’t above scapegoating his brother when the occasion called for it.

They all turned to Thor who was sitting in the corner of the room. He had sunglasses over his eyes and wasn't moving at all. “He’s got a point," said Romanoff.

“You know, I always liked you,” Loki said.

“Uh-huh, lucky me,” she said. “Let's just get back to it, shall we? Thor, wake up!”

There was a lot of arguing back and forth about where they were going to take the stones from. Everyone else had decided the plan was to take the Tesseract from New York while they were getting the Time Stone and the Mind Stone, but Loki thought they should take it from Asgard when they were collecting the Aether from Jane Foster. 

“I'll go with Thor,” he said. They had been avoiding his suggestions for what his task was going to be and he was tired of it. The thought of seeing his mother again sent a thrill through him, and he also thought Thor needed someone watching him. Why the Avengers thought Thor, in his condition, was a better option than Loki, he couldn’t understand. 

“Nuh-uh. Loki is going to have to sit this one out. I don't care what Cap says. We can't trust him to bring the Cube back,” Stark said.

“But I've already done the test! Now I'm to be excluded from the actual mission?”

“Obviously.”

“You're being obtuse,” Loki snapped.

Stark slammed his palm down on the table. “And you are one word away from being six feet underground.”

“Hey guys, can we just get back to work,” Rogers said.

Stark pushed his chair back and addressed the group. “There's no way we're sending him back to get his hands on any of the Infinity Stones. Especially the Tesseract. How do we know he's not going to just steal them? Then we’d be screwed. Completely.”

“What am I here for then?” Loki said with annoyance.

“You tell me, Wednesday Addams.”

It took all of Loki's self-control not to lash out. He closed his eyes and remembered why he was there. To save Bucky. To save everyone. It wasn't about him. “Fine,” he said through gritted teeth. “I will remain here to assist Banner. You can believe I am not going to try anything with him. Especially in his current form.”

“It's true,” Banner said. “He's terrified of me.”

Loki raised an eyebrow. “I wouldn't say I was terrified.”

Banner lunged at Loki, who nearly fell out of his chair, yelling a little too loudly as he dived out of the way. Banner pulled back. “Like I said.”

The others didn’t do much to hide their mirth. Only Rogers appeared to be holding back his laughter and innocently looked around the room like he hadn’t seen anything. Loki breathed out. “That was uncalled for, however, I will be the bigger person and let it go.”

Stark rolled his eyes. “Whatever.” He pointed at Banner. “If you think you can keep him under control for thirty seconds, then fine. He's your responsibility.”

“Actually,” Romanoff said, “I think Bruce will need to go with you guys to New York. It's gonna be all hands on deck. Which means, Loki, you're going to have to stay back and make sure it runs smoothly on this end.”

“Uhh, somehow that's actually even worse,” Stark said. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. Everyone waited, expecting him to blow up again. Eventually, he spoke. “Fine, but if he tries anything and we end up stuck in the past somehow,” he pointed at Loki, “I will kill you.”

Banner set everything up so that Loki only had to push a few buttons. He and Banner went through the process several times, but still, he worried he would make a mistake. His pulse sped up as he entered everything into the computer and counted them down. He flipped the last switch and sent the Avengers on their mission.

They were gone mere minutes, but it felt like hours. Loki ran up the ramp to meet them when they appeared again. “Did you get them? Did you get the stones?” He was practically bouncing with anticipation.

Stark pointed at Loki. “You little – you had to mess up the plan!”

“What? I did precisely as I was supposed to!” Loki shouted, confused and angry.

“Clint, where's Nat?” Banner asked, stopping the quarrel instantly. Everyone turned to stare at Barton, who had fallen to his knees. He didn’t have to say anything for them to comprehend that she hadn’t made it. 

They all walked off in different directions. There were no more silly arguments. No celebration for successfully retrieving the stones. 

Loki hung back when Thor, Rogers, Stark, Banner, and Barton congregated by the river. He could tell Thor naively believed they could still get Romanoff back. But it was impossible.

Loki was surprised by how sad he genuinely felt about the loss of Romanoff. It also made him wonder about the longevity of his own existence. He’d been pretty careless with his life up until that point, and he’d taken it for granted that he always survived, but perhaps he was on a ticking clock, and it was only a matter of time before he paid for his sins.

One by one, they all trudged back except for Thor, who remained with his head in his hands. Loki walked out and sat down beside him. “You should have sent me. Taken me to Vormir.”

“Loki,” Thor warned.

“You could have sacrificed me, and everyone would be happy.” He wasn't sure if his brother would have even been able to do it, especially in his current state. He had lost too much already. However, Loki meant what he said. He remembered something Bucky had said to him: sometimes people have to lay down their lives so that others can live. He wanted to be that kind of person too. 

Thor sat up and looked at him then. “Loki, that’s not how you will find redemption.”

“But - ” 

“You have to keep working at it.”

Loki stared out across the water. “I know.” He remembered when the very notion of work had been something he’d turned his nose up at. He’d even told Bucky something of the sort. He had always wanted to take the easy path, and atoning for his mistakes was difficult and uncomfortable, and he longed to escape it. 

But if he was going to get Bucky back – and hopefully live a life with him – then he wouldn’t run away. He would work as hard as he could, without complaint. It was worth fighting for. 

“You still have your moments of wisdom brother,” Loki said

Thor sighed and stood up. “Let's go get to work.”

Before they even had a chance to register if Banner’s snap had worked or not, they were attacked. The whole building was blown to pieces around them, crushing and burying them. Loki and Thor emerged from the rubble at the same time. They looked around for some clue as to what had happened, and then they saw him. Thanos. 

Thor grabbed Loki. “Did you do this?”

“It wasn't me,” Loki protested. “I swear. How could I have?”

Thor stared at him for another moment, fury in his eyes, before letting him go, ostensibly believing him. Loki understood why Thor had needed to know, and Loki didn't begrudge him for it, but it still stung. 

“Go help the others,” Thor demanded. “I'll deal with Thanos.”

Loki was hesitant, but he knew it was not the time for disobeying orders. “Tell them. Tell them it wasn’t me.”

“Go!” Thor growled.

Loki turned and ran into the ruins. He emerged inside a part of the building that was still standing, and searched for someone, anyone. He knew the others had to be somewhere inside, but it was impossible to know where to start looking, so he just followed the tunnel he’d found deeper and deeper into the wreckage. 

He heard voices and ran into a dimly lit area just in time to witness Nebula shoot another Nebula, from the past. She, it transpired, had been the one who had summoned their assailant. He couldn't believe he hadn't noticed what had been right under all of their noses. The kind of thing he should have picked up on.

The gauntlet Nebula-from-the-past had been holding fell to the ground and landed at his feet. He picked it up. It felt very heavy. He had no reaction to how much power he was holding in his hands. No appetite for it at all. He handed it to Barton, who had also seen the whole thing. He took it and held it against his body tightly. He nodded at Loki, finally seeming to accept that Loki could be trusted, and wasn’t there to cause any harm. 

He and Barton made it back up to the surface with the gauntlet just in time to see streams of their old comrades being transported in by Dr Strange and the other Masters of the Mystic Arts. Whole armies, including the Einherjar, ready to fight back against Thanos. What had been hopeless only moments before became hopeful once again. They had a chance.

Loki searched the crowds for Bucky. It was crucial he ascertain if Bucky had made it back. He managed to locate Bucky when he appeared at the forefront, lined up with Captain Rogers and the other Avengers. It was so joyous seeing him again that Loki forgot where he was for a moment. It was only the deafening screams of defiance that brought him back to reality.

As the combat started, Loki fought through the crowd, keeping his eyes on Bucky as he did so, until eventually, he made his way over to him. They locked eyes, but Bucky hurriedly turned his attention back to his task.  

At one point, Bucky was knocked off of his feet by one of the blasts that were fired down from Thanos’ ship. Loki ran to his side, cursing himself for getting too far away. Bucky didn’t appear to be directly hit and seemed mostly unscathed so Loki helped him to his feet. “Stay by me,” he commanded. 

The distraction led to Loki almost having his head knocked off – for real. After he dealt with the offender of that attempt with a particularly vicious dagger, he lost track of Bucky again. He had been so focused on the brawl, he didn’t notice how quiet it had gotten. He turned to see what everyone else was looking at just as the bright light flew straight into Thanos' ship, destroying it completely. 

He turned back to killing Thanos’ troops. He didn’t realize he’d gotten so close to Thanos himself until he saw someone in an iron suit, who he believed to be Pepper Potts, send a blast that knocked Thanos off his feet. He rolled several times but recovered quickly and raised his weapon with the intention of hurtling it toward her, but Loki occupied him by sending a green burst his way.

“You!” Thanos roared. 

Loki smirked, “There really is nothing worse than running into your old boss.” He cast dozens of duplicates of himself all around Thanos, confusing him just enough that it gave Potts another chance to attack him. Unfortunately, he overpowered her easily and flung her to the ground.

Loki heard Stark yelling her name but he was too absorbed with the conflict to see if she was unharmed. He sent a dagger at Thanos’ head, but Thanos was able to deflect it without even looking in Loki’s general direction. Then he turned and stared at Loki with pure venom. This is it, Loki thought. He wasn’t going to survive the Mad Titan again. Thanos started stomping in Loki’s direction, but suddenly he stopped. Something to his left had caught his attention. Someone was firing at him. Loki looked too and was horrified to see it was Bucky who was running at full speed toward Thanos.

“No!” Loki screamed. He saw Thanos swing his sword, aimed at Bucky, and Loki dived in front of him, knocking him away from Thanos’ reach. The weapon slashed Loki’s side. He fell to the ground in agony and looked up, expecting Thanos to finish the job, but Thanos had turned away, distracted again, this time by Carol Danvers making her way toward the Quantum machine with the gauntlet. Thanos sent his broken sword hurtling at the machine, and then everyone was thrown off their feet by its detonation.

Loki stared up at the sky, his head reeling from the blast, and his torso in excruciating pain. He was still waiting for Thanos to return and kill him when Bucky appeared at his side and knelt next to him.

“Why did you do that?” Bucky yelled.

“He… was… going to kill you!” Loki gasped out. He groaned in pain.

“He wasn't,” Bucky argued, but he looked alarmed by the incident. 

“He was,” Loki weakly argued back. 

“Are you okay?” Bucky asked. He looked down at the blood soaking through Loki's clothing. “Oh my god…”

“I'm fine.” Loki moved to sit up.

“Don’t get up,” Bucky said, placing his hand on Loki’s shoulder. 

“I'm not of this world,” Loki said. “The wound will be a mere scratch within moments.” He was exaggerating. It certainly didn’t feel like a scratch, but he managed to get to his feet with Bucky’s assistance.

The laceration screamed at him to stop moving. “If you would just stay by my side, I wouldn't have to keep running after you, and this wouldn't have happened,” he snapped.

“I can handle myself,” Bucky retorted.

“I disagree,” Loki said, sending out a dagger at an alien making its way over to them at a rapid speed.

Bucky responded with a scowl. “I knew he was coming.”

“Please, just stay by me,” Loki said. Bucky continued to glower at him but fulfilled Loki’s request. Loki was acutely aware of his proximity as they continued to fight. Even more aware than he was of the throbbing in his side. Fortunately, Thanos and his troops were turned to dust by Tony Stark only moments later. 

There was a stunned silence after that. No one was able to believe what had happened. Loki was not conscious to see anything else because his body subsequently gave out and he fell into darkness.

He awoke with a start, his eyes darting around the room he had never been in before. “Am I in Hel?”

He heard a laugh and turned to see Thor sitting on a bed across from him. “Come now brother, you didn’t really think a scratch like that would finally be the end of you, did you? You came close though. Don’t do that again.”

Loki relaxed and closed his eyes again. “We’re Asgardians,” he said. Now that he knew he was fine, his attitude became flippant. “We heal from stab wounds all the time.”

“It was deep,” Thor said. “Luckily, the Wakandan princess had a magical patching apparatus to use on you.”

Loki pushed away the covers and looked down at his abdomen. The only remnant of his injury was a pale pink scar. He carefully raised himself onto his elbow. “Where are we?”

“We’re in the Wizard's sanctum in New York. You remember it, don’t you?”

Loki remembered falling onto the floor of it after falling for thirty minutes, and that was about all. “Vaguely.”

“Since the Avengers Compound has been destroyed, it was the next best thing for temporary housing.”

“Did it really work?” Loki asked. “Is everyone back?”

“It appears so.”

Loki nodded. “Good.” His stomach growled. “I'm hungry.” 

Thor sighed disapprovingly. “They're serving breakfast in the banquet hall. I'll bring you something.”

“I'm fine. I can go to breakfast.”

Thor fretted as Loki got out of bed and dressed. His old clothes were gone. The clothes they had been given were basic shirts and pants. Loki used his magic to personalize the outfit. Mostly just so he could test if the magic was still working fine.

Valkyrie waved to them when they entered the hall, so they walked over to her and sat down. Loki was rather surprised to see how many people were there. There were wizards, and the rest of the Avengers, with many other refugees, including Rogers and Bucky. Loki’s heart skipped a beat when he saw him.

“So, not dead then?” Valkyrie said.

“Not yet.”

Loki watched as Bucky guzzled down cup after cup of coffee, occasionally glancing over at Loki and then quickly looking away. Loki barely touched his food, completely forgetting how hungry he was.

“Who's the hunky guy with the metal arm?” Valkyrie leaned over and asked.

Loki nearly choked. “What?”

“You were staring at him. The one over there by Captain America.” 

Loki faked a laugh. “No, I wasn't.”

Thor perked up. “Who?” He looked in that direction, then turned back to Loki. “Nope. Absolutely not.”

“Why?” Valkyrie asked.

“That's Steve's best friend, and he's been through terrible things.” Thor pointed at Loki. “Stay away from him.”

Loki raised an eyebrow. “Why should I?”

“Because Loki. You're you.”

“What's that supposed to mean?”

“It means you don't know how to have a meaningful relationship, and that man is too fragile for you.”

Loki scoffed. “Give me some credit. You know I've changed.”

“I do, I do. And I'm sure you're capable of having a proper romantic relationship with someone.” He didn't sound convinced. “Someone else.”

Loki huffed. “Well, it's a bit too late.”

“What? But you’ve been asleep!”

“Do you remember when I came down to Earth? When there was a war here. A big one.” 

Realization came over Thor's face. “I remember.”

Loki sighed and leaned over, lowering his voice. “That's when I met Bucky. We knew each other… intimately.” Thor looked uncomfortable but Loki continued. “But like everyone else, I thought he had died.” He looked down at his plate. 

“Oh.”

“I only discovered he was alive in Wakanda and then…” he trailed off. 

“Be thankful he’s back," Valkyrie said.

“I am,” Loki said, feeling defensive. “But it's not like we were betrothed to one another or anything of the sort. Obviously. I don't know how he feels about me.”

“So ask him,” Valkyrie said, as if it were that simple.

“I don't know how.”

They were all quiet for a moment, apparently they didn't have any suggestions for him. Eventually, Thor spoke up. “I could ask Steve to ask him for you.”

“Don't you dare!” Loki hissed. “I would rather die.”

Thor’s eyes widened. “Brother, I must confess, I have never seen you quite like this. So flustered! A god such as you reduced to a child with a crush!”

“Keep your voice down!”

“I say go for it,” said Valkyrie. “He's hot.”

Loki couldn't quite tell if she was making fun of him, though it was likely she was, or if she genuinely thought she was being encouraging.

“It's not just a crush. It's more than that.”

Thor raised his brows. “Is it, indeed?”

“What? You think I am incapable of love?”

“You know I don’t,” Thor said.

“I care about him deeply, but perhaps you're right. I should stay away from him. He’ll probably be better off.”

“Now, hang on a minute,” Valkyrie said. “Are you really going to let Thor dictate your love life? That doesn't sound like the Loki I know.”

“I wouldn't be doing it for Thor. I'd be doing it for Bucky.”

“Maybe I was too hasty,” Thor said. “I can't believe you never told me about this.” 

“Well, we weren't on the best of terms for quite a while. I wasn't about to tell you my deepest secrets,” Loki said. “I'm telling you now,” he added pointedly.

“But I wish I'd known. I… may have understood you better,” Thor said quietly.

Loki didn't like how he felt he was being opened up and scrutinized, but he decided against arguing with Thor any further. Valkyrie whacked his arm. “Now's your chance,” she whispered. She gestured toward where Bucky was rising from the table. 

He walked in the direction Thor was sitting, across from Loki. Loki watched him with wide eyes. “I must speak with you," he blurted out as Bucky slowly walked past. 

Bucky stopped briefly and nodded, then kept walking. They all watched as he strode toward the door. He turned around and gave Loki a pointed look before he left the room. Loki took that as his sign to follow. Thor gave him an encouraging wallop to the back on the way out.

When Loki reached the hallway, he saw a door closing at the end of it and presumed that’s where Bucky had gone. The door led up a staircase and he emerged on the rooftop of the building. He saw Bucky standing among some potted plants, waiting for him. 

Loki suddenly had no idea what to say. “How are you?” he asked when it became clear he was the one who had to speak first. Bucky raised an eyebrow. “Sorry,” Loki said. “Stupid question.”

It occurred to Loki that perhaps Bucky had very little interest in him. Maybe to Bucky, Loki was just a man he'd had a few illicit encounters with, and nothing more. It stood to reason that Bucky hadn't developed an obsession over Loki like Loki had him. Loki had been projecting onto him what he felt himself, but he was at last facing the rejection. 

“So,” Bucky finally spoke. “You're all better then.”

“I'll live,” Loki said. “I always do.”

“Because you're a god, right?” Bucky said. He snorted. “The God of Mischief.”

Loki was taken aback. Was he being mocked or reprimanded? “I… I did tell you I was a god. You didn't believe me.”

Bucky laughed again, though he was anything but amused. “Come on, that’s bullshit. How was I supposed to know that was the truth?” 

Loki didn’t respond. This wasn’t going the way he had hoped it would at all. 

“You don't have anything else to say now?” Bucky continued. “You sure had a lot to say in 1945. Except telling me the full story.”

“I'm sorry," Loki said. “I was planning on telling you when I saw you next, but…”

Bucky’s face softened. “Really?”

“Yes.” 

Bucky paced back and forth. “I knew there was something different about you. I convinced myself it was just because you were so open about,” he waved his hand, “about being attracted to men. To me. I thought you really liked me but… you were just, what, messing with me? Being a trickster?”

“No! Not at all. I did like you. I do. You must believe me.”

“Oh, must I?”

“Please.”

Bucky frowned. “What do you want with me now?”

Loki stepped forward. “I confess, I went to Earth only for a bit of fun, but when I met you… I know our time together was brief, but it meant something to me. I hope it did to you, too.” Bucky didn't say anything, but he slowly nodded. “I was hoping…” Loki stepped forward again, but Bucky took a step back.

“I don't know,” Bucky said. “I need to think about this. It's a lot to take in.”

Loki began to panic. “Please… I certainly don't claim to be an expert on this planet, but I gather it has become a somewhat more tolerant–”

“Oh my god. It's not that!” Bucky looked agitated. 

“Oh.” So it is me, Loki thought. He felt foolish for having been so dedicated to a man who had never given him a reason to believe he felt the same way. Even if he did, Loki would understand if Bucky couldn't get past the things Loki had done. He did not want to burden the man who had already been through so much. Too much. Was it not true love to leave him in peace, away from the disaster that was Loki? Wouldn’t that be the right thing to do?

“I will leave," Loki said. “If you want me to, I can leave this planet, and you won't ever have to see me again.”

“Christ!” Bucky shouted. “I didn't say that! Don't put words in my mouth. I've had enough of that.”

Loki hung his head. “I'm sorry. That wasn't my intention.” He didn’t know what else to say. He kept making it worse.

“Damn it!” Bucky threw his hands up in frustration. “This is just so crazy. Can you just give me some time to think?”

“Of course. It's been an overwhelming couple of days for you. For everyone. Take all the time you require,” Loki said and speedily departed. 

Loki didn't want to tell Thor and Valkyrie how horribly his meeting with Bucky had gone, so he hid in the library for the rest of the day.

Thor found him eventually. “There you are! How did it goooo,” he said slyly, dragging out the word.

Loki wanted to shoot a dagger at him but settled for sending daggers with his eyes instead. “Don’t.”

“But –”

“Not another word,” Loki said.

Thor frowned. “Well, fine, are you ready to go back to New Asgard then? Valkyrie left about an hour ago.”

Loki sat up straighter. “So soon?” he asked. He understood why Thor was eager to head back to New Asgard. He was worried about the Asgardians who may have reemerged, but Loki couldn't leave yet. Not without confirmation from Bucky one way or another. 

“Why, yes, of course.”

“But…” He tried to think of an excuse to stay. “Don't you want to attend Stark’s funeral?”

“Do you?” Thor asked, looking surprised Loki was even mentioning it. 

It was true there was no love lost between the two of them, but he still felt it appropriate to pay his respects. Loki owed Stark that much. He was still alive, as was Bucky, as was Thor. He owed him for that. 

He’d overheard Dr. Strange on his way to the library earlier, telling another sorcerer that it had to happen the way it did for them to win. Loki became aware of why Stark had been so scrupulous about the plan, and not wanting Loki to ruin it. He felt bad for antagonizing him. It occurred to him that they had probably been at odds so much because of the similarities in their personalities, their egos, and ways of coping with their shortcomings.

Thor changed the subject, assuming there was a different reason for Loki’s hesitancy. “Loki, if you would like to stay with the wizards, then I approve. You would fit in well here, I think.”

“I don't want to stay with the wizards.” 

Thor seemed confused but unsure if he should ask more questions. 

Loki sighed. “Bucky wants time to think about things.”

“Ah, I see.”

“I understand I need to give him space. It's just difficult after all this time. And I don't know what I'll do if he doesn't want to pursue anything with me.”

“You'll come back to New Asgard, with me,” Thor said.

Loki was always astounded at Thor's tenderness toward him. It warmed him, and he couldn't help smiling. “Thank you.” 

Loki had wasted so much time and effort resenting Thor when he should have embraced him. They had fought instead of being there for each other, which, when they had managed to put aside their differences, always made them stronger. They had even shared the experience of falling in love with a human. At the time, Loki had thought it must be a fundamental flaw within himself. He’d failed to see how alike he and Thor were, and that it was a good thing.

Thor patted Loki's knee and turned to leave. 

“Thor?” Loki said

He turned. “Yes?”

“I should have said this a long time ago. I'm sorry.”

“You're what?” Thor said as if he hadn’t heard Loki correctly. 

Loki suspected he just wanted him to reiterate the sentiment. “I'm sorry! I'm sorry for taking everything out on you. You didn't deserve it. You have always been a good brother to me.” 

Thor grabbed him and pulled him up into a tight embrace. Loki responded to the hug, if not with quite as much gusto. “It will all work out,” Thor said softly.

“That fills me with great hope after what happened the last time you said that,” Loki said.

“Well, I was right in the end. Wasn't I?”

“That's debatable.”

Thor pulled away and held Loki at arm's length. “I know you will find happiness Loki, just as I will. Do you know how I know this? Because happiness will come from within, and I think you might finally be ready for it.”

Loki rolled his eyes. “Always so wise, brother.”

Thor grinned and patted his arm. “They'll be serving dinner soon. Will you be there?”

Loki sighed. “I'll be there.”

He walked back to the room he was sharing with Thor to drop off the book he'd been reading, or trying to read when he hadn't been replaying the conversation with Bucky over and over in his head. 

Bucky caught Loki just as he was leaving his room. “Can I talk to you?”

“Of course,” Loki said. He led Bucky back into the room. He locked the door with a green flourish. Bucky gave him an inquisitive look and Loki explained himself, “I just don't want Thor bursting in here interrupting us talking… I'll unlock it.”

“It's fine,” Bucky said.

Loki thought it best not to invite Bucky to sit down on a bed after that, so they remained standing. Neither of them said anything. Loki wondered why Bucky didn’t speak when he was the one who initiated the conversation, but he decided he should start. “This is going to sound like I’m being theatrical,” he said, “but I think I've loved you since the moment I met you.”

Bucky shook his head. “I remember you being dramatic.”

“You do?”

“I do. I remember everything about our time together.”

Loki swallowed. “As do I. I fell for you deeply. It changed me.”

“You didn't even know me though. You definitely don't know me now,” Bucky said.

“Nor you I,” Loki said. “I understand you must feel wary of me, but… tell me you don't feel it?”

Bucky looked at the ground and didn't say anything.

“Isn't there at least something that's worth pursuing?” Loki asked, starting to feel desperate.

Bucky opened his mouth as if to speak, but shut it again.

“I see,” said Loki. He shouldn't have expected anything different. He had always been chronically unlovable. Wasn't it just who he was? Always meant to lose. It was in his nature. Even after all he'd done to repent, maybe he would just never deserve happiness, despite what Thor thought. He was doomed to a life of loneliness. 

He turned away, moving to the door, but the vice that was Bucky's metal arm grabbed him. “Wait.” 

Loki’s stomach seized. He turned back hopefully. 

“It's just a lot, okay?” Bucky said with a gravelly voice. “But I don't want you to go.”

Loki stepped closer, and this time Bucky did not move away. He moved closer still. So close they were close enough to kiss. “I see you in my dreams,” Loki breathed out. “I’ve yearned for you all this time.”

“I can't live up to that,” Bucky said hesitantly.

“But this is so much better, just knowing you're alive…” Loki let the sentence die on his lips and instead used them to place the faintest of kisses at the edge of Bucky’s mouth.

Bucky froze, and Loki pulled away at once, but Bucky prevented him from retreating entirely. He held him close. “I haven't been… touched like this in a very long time,” Bucky whispered. 

“It's all right,” Loki said. It pained him to see such a courageous and strong man as Bucky trembling. Loki felt his own hand shaking as he raised it to Bucky’s face.

Bucky let out a labored breath. “It was you. You were the last person.”

Loki felt like he was about to cry. “You don't have to do anything you don't want to,” he said quietly.

Bucky choked, as if he were holding back tears of his own. He didn't seem to want to take it slowly at all because his lips lunged at Loki's, and they fell back against the wall. It was euphoric to taste him again. To feel him, solid and real. They kissed and kissed, clutching desperately at each other, hardly breathing.

“I'm yours,” Loki panted. “Completely.” 

They were sitting on the roof of the sanctum. It was a beautiful day, sunny but with a fresh, cool breeze. Loki watched as Bucky fiddled with a zipper on the side of his pants. He thought back to the way he’d watched Bucky fidget with his cigarettes in the past. “You don't smoke anymore?” he asked.

Bucky laughed. “I quit.”

“Oh.” Loki realized smoking was something Bucky wouldn't have been able to do when he was in captivity. “That was a stupid question. I apologize.”

“It's okay. I could start again, but nobody does it anymore.” He pulled the zipper back and forth several more times before deliberately resting his palms on his knees. “I would like to tell you about it. I feel like I should.”

Loki knew they weren’t talking about smoking anymore. “You don't have to.”

“I just don’t know how. I don’t know if I can say it out loud.” 

Loki wanted to touch him. To hold him close, but he remained still. There was so much tension in the air, it felt like something might break if he moved. “You could show me,” he said slowly. 

Bucky looked up. “How?”

“If you would allow me… I could look into your mind with just a touch.”

Bucky looked doubtful. “You can do that?”

“Yes.”

“You're full of tricks, aren't you?” He looked away. “You don't want to see inside my mind.”

“I do,” Loki insisted.

“Trust me. You don't.” 

Loki shifted ever so slightly, moving his body closer. “I know what you went through was.... despicable. I want you to be able to share the burden of those memories with me.” 

Bucky looked uncertain, and they sat quietly for a long time while he thought about it. Loki didn’t pressure him. He wanted Bucky to decide on his own. At last, Bucky spoke. “All right.”

Loki nodded. “If you want me to stop at any time, just say so.”

Bucky tilted his head and closed his eyes, waiting expectantly. Loki took a deep breath and pressed his palm to Bucky’s forehead. 

He had been expecting it to be difficult to witness. He knew it had been terrible for Bucky from what he'd read and what he'd seen on his Hydra rampages, but it was another thing entirely to actually see it from Bucky's point of view. It was monstrous, the kind of depravity that was unimaginable. 

But Loki was most shocked to see flashes of his own face through Bucky's perspective. Moments of clarity Bucky had had, and he'd thought of Loki to comfort himself. It didn’t make Loki feel any better though. He ached for Bucky. He wished he could have traded places with him. Felt the pain for him.

After Loki saw how Bucky had ended up in Wakanda, and been freed from Hydra’s trigger words, he pulled his hand away. “I'm sorry,” Loki said. “I should have been there to stop them.”

“You couldn't have known,” Bucky said. He went back to pulling on the zipper.

“I'm a god. I should have. I'm so sorry.”

Bucky shrugged. “You didn't do it.”

“But I could have,” Loki said. He was overwhelmed by burning shame. The kind that made him feel like he would empty the contents of his stomach at any moment. “I was just as bad. You must know by now about all the crimes I committed.”

“I know about New York," Bucky said slowly as if he were choosing his words very deliberately.

Loki had been used by Thanos, as Bucky had been used by Hydra, but it wasn’t the same. Bucky had no choice at all. “Thanos… the Mind Stone. They had a control over me that I didn't recognize at the time. But it was still me. I was so angry.”

“That doesn't scare me. You don’t have to explain yourself to me.”

“I do.”

“It’s behind us,” Bucky said.

As much as he wanted to greedily take the out Bucky was offering, he refused to do it. He wouldn’t go back to his old ways now, just because he’d finally gotten what he wanted. “I don’t know if I can ever truly atone for it, but I will endeavor to make it up to you – everyone – in every way I possibly can,” he said. 

“I guess both of us have a lot of mending to do,” Bucky said. “It might be easier if we do it together.”

Loki touched Bucky's chin and gently guided his face toward him for a kiss. It left Bucky with a dazed and happy look that Loki thoroughly enjoyed seeing. He wanted to always make him look that happy. 

“You may think I'm being melodramatic,” Loki said. “But I do love you. I loved you so desperately I thought I would suffocate from it when I thought you were gone.”

Bucky’s smile faded and he looked away. “What if I can't love you back the same way?”

Loki frowned. “Well, I don't expect you to –”

“Not because of you Loki, because of me. ”

“What does that mean?”

“Maybe I'm too fucked up. I mean, what if I can’t?”

Loki grabbed Bucky’s hand, the cool metal matched the coolness of his own skin. He held it tight. “This is enough.”

“No, don’t say that.”

“If you're worried that you're going to disappoint me somehow – I'm the one who is unworthy. You deserve love. You deserve better than me,” Loki said. He didn’t know why the conversation had taken this turn but considering everything that had happened, it made sense. The relationship was new and tenuous, and they both had insecurities about it. 

“Stop.” Bucky said. “I want to finally live my life. Make my own choices. And I want you. That's what I want. But…” Loki held his breath. Of course, there was a ‘but’. “I wish you wouldn't say things like that.”

“What things?” Loki asked, his voice grouchy. He’d never been able to take criticism well. 

“The romantic declarations.”

“I mean them.”

“But that’s it though. I mean, are all Asgardians like this? How can I compete with that kind of thing? How will I ever be able to prove I feel the same way?”

Loki had to laugh then. “You really haven't changed much, have you? That’s really what you're worried about? Do you honestly believe that matters to me in the slightest?”

Bucky looked embarrassed. “Shut up.”

“You knew I was dramatic.”

“Yeah, I did. And I was never perfect, even before everything happened. When you met me.”

“I know that.”

“Do you?”

“Sergeant Dreamboat, I adore your imperfections,” Loki said.

“You're ridiculous,” Bucky said.

Loki laughed and leaned in to kiss him, but Bucky pressed his palm to Loki’s chest. “You have to let me fuck up sometimes,” he said. “I'm not always gonna be and do what you expect me to.”

Loki held his tongue from saying he didn't care. He didn't want to dismiss what Bucky was saying, and he knew why he was saying it. Loki had put him on a pedestal. Now his fantasy was becoming a reality, he needed to understand that reality had flaws.

“I understand what you're saying. This isn't a dream, it's real life.”

“So you’ll be patient when I make mistakes,” Bucky said. “And I'll do the same for you. Deal?”

“Yes, yes of course.”

“Loki, I mean it. You have to be okay with that.”

“All right. I agree to your terms.”

Bucky smiled and leaned forward, finally allowing Loki to kiss him. When he pulled away, he leaned close to Loki’s ear and whispered. “I never thanked you for saving me from Thanos.”

“It was my pleasure,” Loki said and kissed Bucky’s neck. “Do you remember when I said I would die for you?”

“Yeah, you were talking bullshit.”

“No. I admit I might have said anything at that moment. But it wasn’t entirely hyperbole. I meant it.”

“Loki ,” Bucky warned. But he found Loki’s lips again, and they kissed, more heated this time than the innocent kiss moments ago. 

Loki released his lips and pressed his forehead to Bucky’s, his hand still stroking the whiskers on Bucky’s cheek. “Bucky?”

“Mm?”

“I worship you,” Loki said, teasing.

Bucky nudged him with reproach. “Cut it out!” But he was grinning.

There was freedom in letting himself love and be loved, a freedom Loki had never been able to embrace until that moment. 

After the memorial for Tony Stark, the crowd dispersed. Loki stood alone and watched as everyone milled about. He couldn’t see where Bucky had gotten to. “Nice suit,” Barton said as he and Wanda Maximoff walked by. 

“I still think you dress like a witch,” Thor said, coming up behind him.

Loki smiled and turned to his brother. He’d known this time was coming. Thor was planning on accompanying the Guardians back to space, while Loki was staying behind with Bucky. Thor had asked Loki to join them, mostly as a courtesy, but they both knew Loki would decline. It was strange, but Earth was where Loki belonged now. 

He and Thor parted ways with a hug. It felt good to say goodbye to Thor without any animosity. He held Thor tightly. “I love you, brother.”

He heard Thor intake a sharp breath. “I love you, too.”

When Thor was gone, Loki felt at a loss. He wanted to find Bucky, but when he started looking around for him, it was Rogers he found instead. He knew Banner and Rogers were preparing for the mission to return the stones back to their proper timelines the next day, but other than that, he had stayed out of it, just spending time with Bucky. So he was surprised when Rogers approached him. “Can I talk to you?”

Loki was immediately suspicious. Where was Bucky? He had to forcibly stop himself from jumping to conclusions. Bucky had done nothing to lead Loki to believe he’d changed his mind about him. “What is it?” he asked apprehensively, still looking around.

“I need to ask you something,” Rogers said. “And you need to be one hundred percent honest with your answer, or else I won't do it.”

“Do what?”

“I need you to look after Bucky for me.”

Loki stopped looking around and furrowed his brows at Rogers. “What do you mean?”

“If… When I don't come back from the mission.”

Loki quickly grew impatient. “What are you talking about?”

Rogers sighed. “I have someone waiting for me.”

Rogers wanted to stay in the past? It didn't sound like a good idea to Loki. “Wait,” he suddenly thought, “Are you going to try to save Bucky from Hydra? You know that won't work.”

“No, it's… it's not Bucky.”

Loki couldn't see how anyone could be more important to Rogers than Bucky, especially when he'd just got him back, and he said as much. Rogers had the decency to look chastised. 

“Why are you asking me this?” Loki said with disapproval. 

“Look, I'm not stupid – well, maybe I am – but I know there's something going on with you two. It's the only reason I'm considering this, because I do actually believe you'll be there for him.”

“I'll do it,” Loki said. “Of course I will. I would do anything for him.” For Bucky’s sake, he wanted to tell Rogers that he was being selfish for abandoning him, but due to his own selfishness, he wanted Bucky all to himself, so he kept quiet. 

Rogers looked relieved. “Thank you.”

“But,” Loki said, “only if you ask his permission. If he doesn't want you to go, then don't.” They both knew it was unlikely Bucky would deny Rogers his request, but Loki wanted him to at least be prepared for it. 

“I wasn't planning on leaving without telling him first,” Rogers said. 

“Good.”

Rogers hardened his features. “If you hurt him, I will find you.”

Loki thought the threat was rather audacious, given the circumstances, but he supposed Rogers was just trying to make himself feel better. “I promise you from my heart,” he said, “I will not hurt him. I am eternally devoted to him.”

Rogers seemed to be satisfied with that response. “I'll hold you to that.”

Only Sam Wilson and Bruce Banner were surprised when Rogers didn't return from his mission. Loki had been hanging back as they had said their goodbyes, and when Rogers didn’t reappear, he watched as Bucky slowly turned away from the others bickering about where he was. Bucky noticed something in the direction of the river and called Wilson over. Only then did Loki see the old man sitting there. When Bucky indicated Wilson should approach Rogers alone, Loki stepped forward and stood by Bucky's side.

Seeing Captain Rogers as an old man sent a jolt of panic through Loki. One day Bucky would be old too. Not as soon as the other mortals, but it would happen eventually, and then Loki would lose him. After everything that had happened, Loki knew it was better to have even a little bit of time with Bucky than nothing at all, but being confronted with evidence that super soldiers did age like everyone else, Loki vowed he would treasure every single moment with Bucky. 

Bucky looked sad as he watched Wilson and Rogers talking. Trying to lighten the mood, Loki tucked a loose strand of Bucky’s hair behind his ear. “You need a haircut,” he teased. 

Bucky gave an unimpressed chuckle. “So do you, pal.”

“I beg to differ," Loki said with false indignation. They were silent for a moment. “Are you all right?" he asked quietly. 

Bucky smiled ever so slightly. “You knew about this, didn't you?” 

“Yes.”

Bucky shook his head and looked at the ground. “Let me guess. Steve asked you to watch out for me.”

“Perhaps.”

Bucky looked up, thoughtful. “You know, he wouldn't just ask that of anybody.”

Loki tried not to feel pride in that. It wasn't like he'd needed Rogers’ approval, but he had to believe that Rogers leaving Bucky in his care was significant, and that meant a great deal to him. “So, what’s next?” He asked.

“I just want to try to live a normal life for a while…with you,” Bucky said.

Loki beamed at him. “That sounds like a tremendous idea.”

“At least until I get dragged into another fight.”

“If anyone tries, I shall turn them into an amphibian for you,” Loki said, eyeing Sam Wilson. “Or maybe a bird. A Falcon, for example.”

“Loki,” Bucky chided, with a grin. “You are joking, right?”

Loki just laughed. “Anywhere in particular you would like to accomplish this normal life?”

“Well, I was thinking of taking a trip back home. How do you feel about heading back to the city? Brooklyn.”

Loki made a face. “I detest it.” New York City had to be one of his least favorite places in the universe. Not to mention, he was probably New York’s least favorite person.

Bucky smirked. “Not everything is about you, you know.”

“I know it's not,” Loki said. “Luckily, I have you to remind me of that. By the way, you did ask.”

“Yeah, okay. So Brooklyn then.”

“For you, my love? I would go anywhere.”