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Namjoon’s teeth chatter as the cool air hits his wet skin. They’re knee-deep in winter now; it’s the worst time of the year to have a shower.
Hastily, he wraps a large towel around his hips and reaches for the smaller purple towel, hanging on the rack to the left of the shower.
It’s the only purple one they own and it stands out like a sore thumb. It doesn’t match any of their other towels, each varying shades of beige. Namjoon always liked the neutrals best.
Namjoon huffs under his breath as he towels his wet hair with it. Jungkook likes weird things.
Jungkook. Something twists in Namjoon’s gut. His boyfriend has been quite distant lately, and there’s been an obvious change in his demeanour. They haven’t spoken about it, even though Namjoon is desperate to.
Did it start after the argument they'd had about birthday presents? Or was it before?
Namjoon hadn’t gotten Jungkook anything for his birthday this year. It was his bad that he took “I don’t want anything” literally. Next time, he’ll do better.
Maybe it was after the argument that Namjoon started. The one where Jungkook crept in at three in the morning and had the audacity to laugh when Namjoon looked concerned. He made Namjoon feel like an idiot for fretting all night. Though, Jungkook never has been the best texter.
Maybe it’s not about Namjoon at all and he’s being self-centred again. They’ve argued about that before, too.
Whatever it is, Jungkook is still clearly upset. Should he be concerned about it?
They haven’t been on a date in a long while, haven’t had sex in weeks. It feels like Jungkook is slipping away, but Namjoon doesn’t know what to do to stop it.
As soon as Jungkook gets home from work, they can talk it out. Namjoon won’t let him escape it this time.
Once they’ve settled things, they can relax back into normalcy. Namjoon can smile warmly at his boyfriend’s shining eyes, and Jungkook can flash his bunny teeth with a shy laugh. It’ll be just like it used to be.
As Namjoon dresses in a loose T-shirt and sweatpants, he notices that the bathroom mirror is beginning to fog up. Jungkook complains about the condensation marks, so Namjoon reaches over to pull open a window.
Something out there stops him from turning around and resuming his day.
He blinks his eyes once.
Twice.
Thrice.
It can’t be real.
Namjoon’s stomach churns. It’s nauseating but he can’t bear to look away, torturing himself.
His boyfriend, Jeon Jungkook, is kissing somebody else outside their apartment building.
There’s a sob rippling through him—no, a laugh. He’s laughing. Namjoon feels delirious, out of his mind as he laughs into his palms and rubs his wet eyes. He can’t stop it. What is this feeling?
It’s the calculated act of it all that really has Namjoon’s gut clenching. Jungkook isn’t an idiot; he specifically chose this place around the side of the apartment building, a cleverly disguised blind spot for him to have a secret smooch. His mistake was not accounting for the bathroom window.
How could he do this? It's too much to process. Anger, betrayal and hurt, so much hurt.
Namjoon doesn’t have long to plan his reaction. His fists are balled at his sides but he wills himself to relax them. He takes a deep breath. Counts to ten.
He can't get over it, not now, maybe not ever.
But he can get even.
“I’m home!” Jungkook’s cheery voice rings throughout the apartment. He kicks off his shoes and shrugs off his backpack and jacket by the door before making a beeline for the living room. “Hyung?”
Namjoon appears shortly after, leaning up against the bedroom door frame. He looks Jungkook up and down slowly. A grin breaks out on his boyfriend’s lips.
“Hey,” Jungkook says softly. He seems in a good mood. “Missed you.”
Namjoon’s reaction is visceral. He huffs out a laugh, stalking over until Jungkook is pressed against the wall, until his wet lips are dragging against the younger’s neck.
“I missed you, too,” Namjoon growls out, sucking harshly on the skin, enough to leave a mark.
“O-Oh…” Jungkook moans, caught off guard by his boyfriend's sudden attack. He melts into Namjoon’s embrace like he always does, loses himself in Namjoon’s rough and messy kiss. “Fuck…someone’s horny…”
Namjoon spins Jungkook around in one smooth motion, grabbing his arm and pinning it behind his back as he roughly presses Jungkook’s form to the wall.
“Don’t you like it?” Namjoon purrs, a mocking undertone to each word. He rubs his bulge against Jungkook’s ass, grinding slowly as he sucks yet another bruise into Jungkook's pretty neck.
“Of course…s’just unlike you—nnh!” Jungkook moans as Namjoon grips his hips and grinds into him.
Normally, Namjoon would take care with Jungkook. Usually, he’d be delicate with him, lay him gently on the bed and make love to him with whispered words of affection, palms clutched together as they reached their high together.
Not now. Jungkook lost all privilege of that when he decided to stab him in the heart.
Namjoon tugs down Jungkook’s jeans and underwear and bends him roughly over the arm of the sofa. Jungkook gasps in surprise at the impact, whining feebly when Namjoon’s fingers press past his rim.
Still loose. At least this mystery guy had the decency not to come inside what belongs to him.
“Played with myself earlier,” Jungkook blatantly lies, wriggling his hips. “Wanted you, hyung…”
Namjoon lets out a puff of air. He could have had Namjoon. He was always right here.
But apparently he wasn’t good enough.
Fine. He’ll just have to show Jungkook what he’s missing, drill it into him so he’ll never stray again.
“Yeah? Wanted me, baby?” Namjoon spits on his hand and slicks up his cock as he steps out of his sweatpants. That’s all Jungkook is getting, he’ll have to take it like a champ. “I’ll give it to you.”
He doesn’t give Jungkook time to think about anything other than the way his cock fills him. Jungkook immediately tenses, tightening up around the intrusion. It only makes Namjoon fuck forward harder, until Jungkook is wailing, cries high pitched and wanton.
Namjoon has a firm grip on Jungkook’s hips as he pistons into him, taking and taking and taking with no regard for Jungkook whatsoever, a taste of his own medicine.
“Too rough, hyung—" Jungkook sobs, thighs trembling as Namjoon’s balls slap harshly against his ass. “Ah—slow down I—…”
It's over fast; Namjoon feels overwhelmed as he releases inside, groaning as he fills his boyfriend to the brim with his seed, wishing and hoping that he feels full of him.
When they part and Jungkook turns around his eyes are red with tears, cheeks shiny and wet, lips rosy and swollen. He’s beautiful.
The high plummets quickly. Namjoon tucks himself away with a shuddering breath.
“You’re a piece of shit,” is all he says. He doesn’t give Jungkook even a second to process the words, grabbing his jacket and shoes with haste before he heads for the door.
It’s late at night so Namjoon doesn’t have anywhere to go. He doesn’t want to disturb his friends at such a late hour so he takes a long walk instead, phone on silent. Would Jungkook even bother texting him, anyway?
It’s 3am by the time he arrives back at the apartment, having eaten a late dinner at a convenience store and done a loop around the neighbourhood too many times. Their bedroom door is open just a crack, an invitation that Namjoon feels too sick to take. He crashes on the sofa for the night instead.
After a fitful sleep, he wakes the next morning and tries to retain some sense of normalcy. He makes a cup of coffee and sits on the sofa in front of the TV like any other lazy Saturday morning.
Shortly after, his boyfriend slowly pads into the living room.
“Morning, hyung…” he says hesitantly. Namjoon doesn’t even turn to regard him. “I was so scared you wouldn’t come back home…”
It’s not like Namjoon wanted to return. He had nowhere else to go.
The next thing he knows, Jungkook is sitting on the floor in front of him, kneeling as his calloused fingers trail up Namjoon’s calf and thighs.
“I’m really sorry…” he says as his fingers inch closer to his boyfriend’s groin, his cheek squished against Namjoon’s thigh as he looks up at him with his wide, pretty eyes. “I’ve been an idiot. I regret it, I…”
He’s grovelling. Namjoon scoffs as he spreads his legs a little wider.
That’s right, he should be sorry. He should beg and pander to Namjoon until he forgives him. Namjoon lets Jungkook tug out his cock, lets the younger palm him and suck him to life. Jungkook’s doe eyes look up at him earnestly, cheeks beautifully hollowed with every suck.
“Never wanted to hurt you…” Jungkook admits as he straddles his boyfriend’s lap. He leans in for a kiss, but Namjoon turns his head away.
Namjoon sucks in a breath as he feels the tip of his cock press into Jungkook’s warmth. Squeezing his eyes shut as his boyfriend slowly lowers himself. He’s always been a pro at this.
“Love you, hyung,” Jungkook moans as he bounces. He loops his arms around Namjoon’s neck, burying his head into his shoulder as he relentlessly grinds his hips. “No one else. Just you.”
Namjoon has been trying to remain impartial but it feels too fucking good. With a grunt, he finds himself gripping Jungkook’s hips.
“Don’t—don’t want to lose you…” Jungkook hiccups on a moan as Namjoon’s cock hits his sweet spot, angling his hips to keep hitting himself inside just right.
Namjoon groans at Jungkook’s now relentless pace, eyes rolling to the back of his head with the building pleasure. Jungkook has always been greedy; he’s always taken what he wants with no remorse.
“P-Please tell me…if you can forgive me…” Jungkook grovels, tongue and lips moving along Namjoon’s sensitive neck, teasing licks that have his hips jumping.
Can Namjoon forgive him? God, he feels out of his mind right now.
“Hyu-ung!” Jungkook mewls, streams of moans falling from his lips as Namjoon fucks up into him, grip on his hips tight enough to leave bruises.
Namjoon lets out an obscene moan when he comes, hips hurtling upwards as he paints Jungkook’s insides. Fuck, it feels good. He always feels so good.
Jungkook slips off of him shortly after, tucking Namjoon away and pulling his own underwear back up his sticky thighs. He sits beside him, looking nervous as their gazes meet.
“Hyung…”
Namjoon cuts to the chase. “Who was he?”
Jungkook wets his lips. It’s obvious that he’s steeling himself. “A guy from work.”
“How long?”
“Couple…couple months.”
Namjoon had feared longer. He crosses his arms over his chest, a self-soothing gesture.
“Why him?”
Jungkook loosely shrugs. Namjoon is curious as to how honest he’s being. “He always flirted with me. We got drunk at a club and kissed once and then…”
Namjoon clenches his jaw. “So he took advantage of you while you were intoxicated?”
Jungkook quickly shakes his head. “It wasn’t like that—”
“So you just willingly threw yourself at him. Got it.”
“I’m sorry…” Here come the crocodile tears. “I was out of my mind doing that. I don’t even like him—I just…”
Namjoon is not playing this game. “You just wanted the attention.”
“That’s—no, it’s just—“
“The truth.”
Jungkook sets his jaw. “We’ve been going through a rough patch, hyung. Haven’t had sex in a while since—”
“Don’t you dare try to pin this on me,” Namjoon growls. “I’ve been nothing but fucking honest with you about everything. You’ve completely betrayed my trust.” He roughly grips Jungkook’s chin, forcing him to make eye contact when he tries to look away. “Do you know how that feels? For the person you’re in love with to betray you like this?”
Jungkook whimpers at that, tears ever flowing. “I n-never meant to betray—“
“Then what did you think you were fucking doing?!” Namjoon spits out. He releases Jungkook’s chin with a growl, throwing his hands in the air in anger. “Do you even know what you did? You cheated on me, Jungkook! That’s…”
Namjoon huffs a laugh in disbelief, jaw clenching as he shakes his head. What the fuck is going on? It's all too much; he's trying to get used to this new reality, but his whole world turned upside down so fast that it's difficult to adjust.
Jungkook sniffles pathetically as he gets onto his knees in front of Namjoon again, except this time he gives the lowest bow he can muster, hiccuping on sobs with every breath.
“I’m sorry…”
Namjoon's eyebrows knit together. “I thought you were better than that.”
“Tell me what to do, hyung…” Jungkook begs, his body shaking with his sobs. “Just tell me how to make it better. Please, hyung. Please…”
“Tell me why I wasn’t good enough,” Namjoon says through grit teeth.
Jungkook is silent, save for his pathetic sniffles.
Namjoon’s eyebrow twitches. He's getting impatient. “Well?”
Jungkook raises his heavy head, cheeks shiny and red. “You’ve always been good enough. I’ve—I’ve been really stupid hyung. I wasn’t thinking–”
“But you still fucked him, didn’t you?” Namjoon laughs at the thought. Diabolical. “I don’t even know what to think anymore!”
The silence drags on after that, a tension in the air that makes Namjoon’s skin crawl.
Jungkook slowly gets up onto his knees and sits on his heels after a while. It’s another minute before he speaks.
“I know you told Jiminie hyung that he’s pretty…” Jungkook says in a small voice, sniffling before he rubs his nose with his sleeve. “He told me.”
Namjoon flushes at the unexpected comment, growling, “Are you trying to pin this on me again? I told you—“
“Do you want to...fuck him?”
Namjoon has to take a moment to process those words, strung together like that in a single sentence. “What—what kind of a question is that?”
“Then we’d be even, wouldn’t we?” Jungkook frowns down at his lap, his fingers toying with a stray piece of thread coming loose on his sleeve. “I deserve it...”
Namjoon’s mouth opens and closes wordlessly for a moment. What kind of a reality is this? “Have you gone insane?”
At that, Jungkook rolls his glossy eyes. “It’s just a suggestion, hyung. To level the playing field.”
Jungkook is full of audacity, if nothing else. Namjoon scoffs. “Even if I wanted to, what makes you think he’d agree?”
Jungkook loosely shrugs. “You’re his type. I think he’d do it if I said it was okay.”
Fucking Jungkook’s friend. Would that do anything for Namjoon? He clenches his jaw as he leans back against the sofa. It’s never been a fantasy of his; unlike Jungkook, Namjoon has been a devoted and loving boyfriend until now.
“Will you watch?” Namjoon questions after a beat of silence. He knows he doesn’t care about fucking Jimin, but maybe it’d make him feel a little better if Jungkook had to witness it.
Jungkook nibbles on his pretty bottom lip, averting his gaze. “If you want me to.”
What Namjoon wants is for his boyfriend to not be a lying cheater, but they’ve gone well past that point now. Maybe Namjoon should get a free fuck out of it.
“Ask Jimin, then.”
Jungkook meets Namjoon’s gaze in surprise. Namjoon gets a little kick out of it, his sad eyes as he nods.
It was Jungkook's idea, but he didn’t think Namjoon would have the guts to say yes, did he? His boyfriend has always been like that; wanting to seem like the perfect angel, wanting to show that he’s doing all he can without doing anything at all.
Maybe this will be good for him; knock him down a few pegs.
*****
It’s been a while since he’s seen Park Jimin. Namjoon did always think he was the prettiest of Jungkook’s friends, but that was always a quiet thought to himself. Jungkook was always prettier, so what did it matter?
Now, though, he has to rewire his brain to focus on Jimin instead.
Jimin doesn’t know about what Jungkook did – that was part of the agreement he and Namjoon came to. Instead, he was told another spew of lies from Jungkook’s willing lips, something cliche about them wanting to try cucking. Jungkook's friend was, apparently, all too eager to be a part of it.
If Jimin knew what really brought this on, would he have agreed? Would the truth of the situation make it weirder for him, or fuel some deranged kink?
It doesn’t matter. What matters is Jungkook’s apprehensive gaze as he takes a seat in the armchair by his and Namjoon’s bed.
Namjoon feels like he’s crossed over to an alternative dimension when Jimin undresses for him. Lean and pale, his lips are full and pretty, eyes sharp and gaze heavy. Jimin giggles breathily into his ear as Namjoon snakes a hand around his waist. Not as small as Jungkook’s, but his ass is much rounder, perkier.
There is something wrong about it, but Namjoon hasn’t felt like himself since he saw Jungkook committing the ultimate sin. He’s dragged even Namjoon down to the darkest depths now. There’s no coming back from this, he just has to try and enjoy the ride.
Namjoon hasn’t kissed anyone else in at least three years. It’s new and thrilling; Jimin has different tongue tricks, his lips are pillowy and soft, fingers firm as they rub the back of Namjoon’s head.
It’s hard to forget that Jungkook is sitting just a few feet away, his doe eyes wide as he watches their every move. This is what Namjoon wanted.
He doesn’t want to lose his resolve, so he doesn’t look at Jungkook at all to begin with. Namjoon refocuses, humming as Jimin pushes off his shirt and begins kissing down his chest. It’s nice to be praised like this, with Jimin whispering sweet nothings into his ear as he unbuckles his belt. He swallows thickly as Jimin tugs him out of his jeans, groaning as he wraps his plush lips around the head of his cock.
In the distance, Jungkook quietly whines.
Something snaps in Namjoon when they finally meet gazes, his entire body erupting with a certain feeling he can't quite place. Jungkook’s eyes are wet and shiny; he always seems to be crying.
Maybe Namjoon is a bit of a masochist. His cock is rock hard, arousal hot and pumping. He groans as Jimin bobs his head, slurping around his length and snapping his attention away.
This all started because he’d made a fleeting comment about Jimin being pretty, but Namjoon doesn’t want to see his face. He mounts Jimin from behind, pressing his face into the mattress with his long fingers tangled in his locks. Namjoon meets his boyfriend’s gaze again; there’s something about the discomfort in his expression that turns Namjoon on. He forcefully snaps his hips, making Jimin moan loudly as Jungkook whimpers.
This is crazy. Namjoon went from feeling powerless to the most powerful guy in a single day.
He gets a kick from looking at Jungkook, grunts as he fucks forward, indulges in the jealousy on Jungkook’s furrowed brows. That’s what makes Namjoon reach his end.
When it’s over Jungkook saves face, even as Jimin presses his swollen lips to Namjoon’s cheek before he leaves, thanking him for a good time.
Jungkook plasters a fake smile on his lips, hugs his friend goodbye, and quickly retreats without uttering a word to Namjoon.
A few minutes tick by, but Namjoon is too antsy to leave him alone. He finds Jungkook in the bathroom with his back against the bathtub, pathetically curled in on himself as he sobs.
“It’s not nice, is it?” Namjoon sneers at him.
Jungkook shakes his head but doesn’t raise it as he enters, too busy sniffling into his sleeves.
“At least you got to see it all. I can only imagine what nasty things you were doing behind my back...” Namjoon gets onto his knees beside his boyfriend, who cries into his folded arms. These tears are real ones, and they make Namjoon soften inside despite himself. He sighs, “Is this what you wanted?”
“If it means that you forgive me, f-fine,” Jungkook hiccups on a sob, finally lifting his head.
Even in such a state, Jungkook is the most beautiful person in the world. Namjoon’s heart aches as threads his fingers gently through Jungkook’s hair, pushing the locks away from his snot and tear-stained face.
“And you’ll never see him again?”
Jungkook’s eyes widen. He quickly shakes his head, over and over. “Never. Never.”
Namjoon initially thought Jungkook’s plan to ‘level the playing field’ was ridiculous, but seeing his boyfriend get a taste of his own medicine has undoubtedly made Namjoon feel better.
Jungkook will never be able to understand the betrayal, but now he at least has the image of Namjoon fucking his most attractive friend ingrained into his mind.
“I won’t forgive you if you stray from me again,” Namjoon says firmly, gripping and tilting Jungkook’s chin to level their gaze. “Do you understand?”
Jungkook nods, eyes glossy as he sniffles with more tears rolling down his face. Namjoon reaches over for the toilet paper, tearing off a few squares before he dabs his boyfriend’s cheeks.
“I love you, hyung,” Jungkook’s voice wobbles with each word, it takes him a moment to get the words out coherently. “I’m sorry. I’ll be good to you, I promise.”
What was done can’t be taken back. It will always be there, lying beneath the surface, a reminder that at one point he really wasn’t good enough for Jungkook.
But despite that and the pain that it brings, Namjoon can’t let go of him.
“I know you will,” Namjoon says softly. He meets Jungkook’s gaze as his fingers tenderly graze his red and puffy cheeks.
“I love you, too.”