Work Text:
...
Lukas couldn't remember the last time that he had gotten a good night's rest. The galaxy-wide hunt for the Jedi masters that had gone into exile, and the fight against the Sith kept him awake. Not to mention keeping the other members from killing each other. Nightmares were plaguing him no matter what he tried.
He had to keep moving. Stop, and the galaxy could fall apart. Or so it felt like.
Lukas trudged down the hall of the Ebon Hawk. It was night and they were in hyperspace. He had been training with Mira on how to use a lightsaber properly. She didn't have any of the training most of them had. So he had to start from the beginning.
He rubbed his face and sighed as he entered the bunk room. Pulling at the sweat soaked shirt he pulled it over his head. A shiver ran through him when the cold air hit his skin. Gooseflesh rose along his arms. Tossing the shirt in the corner of the room, Lukas winced at the black and blue bruises.
"So this is where you've run off to?" Asked a familiar male voice.
The sound of the voice sent a chill down his spine and caused the hair on the back of his neck came up. Lukas spun around, and looked at the figure leaning against his doorway.
"Kavar?" He asked as he swayed from moving to fast.
He nearly lost his balance, and had to grab the edge of the bed. Kavar stepped forward and caught his shoulder to steady him.
"Easy," He reprimanded lightly, "You're exhausted and need to sleep. And food wouldn't hurt either."
Lukas could only stare blankly at Kavar. Sleep? When had that become an option? His stomach growled, reminding him that the last thing that he had eaten had been a ration bar. That had been... three days ago?
Kavar was taking in his injuries. Lukas could see the myriad of emotion cross Kavar's face. From worry to sadness. Anger at himself and then concern again. Without speaking, Kavar gently pushed him to sit on the bed. Then he went about finding medical supplies.
Lukas sat there, barely aware of anything happening. Exhaustion was starting to set in and his vision started to blur. There was a faint buzzing in his ears. He couldn't tell if the world was spinning or not. Then there was nothing.
...
Everything was white. Blinding, hot white. He couldn't move. The force of the explosions kept him frozen on the spot. All the screams echoed through his mind. Every single death. Each life snuffed out in a single moment. So many of his men...
He watched as ships went down one after another. His own ship was just outside of the range. They had made it. Barely. Now all the could do was watch as those they had led to their doom died. One by one the voices cut out. Some of them screamed his name in anger and pain. Others in fear. Still others in acceptance.
Then there was silence. Deafening, horrible silence. He couldn't bring himself to look. Lukas curled in on himself and did his best to shut himself out from the screams. But it was no use. Nothing could help him now.
Please. Someone... anyone... make it stop.
...
"Lukas!"
Gasping Lukas sat up and looked around. Cold sweat ran down his bare chest and back. The sheets were soaked from the sweat. His heart hammered in his chest, his breath was labored and his throat burned.
Someone was on top of him pressing him into the floor. They were saying something, but he couldn't hear. The buzzing from earlier was still there. Fear and panic filled him. What was going on? Why was someone holding him to the ground? Had the Sith finally tracked him down?
"Lukas!" Snapped a familiar voice that didn't belong, "Calm down. You're not at Malachor V."
"Kavar?" He asked confused.
Finally, his breathing slowed to normal. The buzzing in his ears was fading, and the room came into focus. Kavar was sitting on his chest, pinning him to the ground. His eyes were wide and his brow was furrowed. Sweat beaded his forehead, and concern was written on his features.
One of his hands was on Lukas' forehead. The other hand was resting on his chest. On the wrist of the hand on his forehead was a silver bracelet. In the metal was a bird.
Kavar still wore it? After all these years and everything that had happened, he had kept the gift that Lukas had given him? Lukas wore a matching one. But he'd thought Kavar would've gotten rid of his. Or at least stopped wearing it. Yet, here he was, on the Ebon Hawk, a decade later, with that bracelet still on his wrist.
Kavar wasn't a healer but his presence in the Force always calmed Lukas. This time was no different. With every breath that passed, Lukas felt the tension drain away. His muscles relaxed, and the fog that had settled in his mind cleared.
"Thank you," whispered Lukas.
Kavar gave him a tight smile but didn't move off of him. Instead, his eyes searched his face. As though he was looking for the answers to the questions that were plaguing him. Then, his expression softened, and he leaned down. Pressing his forehead to Lukas'.
"I'm right here," he said quietly, "And I'm not leaving. I won't leave your side ever again."
"You've said that before," retorted Lukas darkly.
The words stung coming out. But what had happened was in the past. And they would have to learn to deal with the consequences. Whether either of them liked that idea or not. They were both Jedi. Even if the Order didn't exist anymore.
Kavar pulled away and stared at him. Lukas refused to meet his gaze this time. He was too ashamed to look at him. There were times that he regretted joining Revan. Regretted using the Mass Shadow Generator.
The screams could be heard again and Lukas tried to curl back in on himself. But the way that Kavar was pinning him, he couldn't. So, he lay there and whimpered softly.
"Lukas," rumbled Kavar quietly, "I regretted the day I voted to have you exiled for years. Because admittedly I was afraid of what you being cut off from the force meant. I'm sorry. It is a reminder that despite everything I am still human. I shouldn't have cast you aside. I hope one day you'll forgive me."
Lukas could only blink at him. That was... unexpected. Kavar was admitting that he had been wrong. There was a first time for everything. Perhaps, that was part of the reason that he was on the Ebon Hawk.
"I never blamed you," admitted Lukas, "I could feel the fear radiating off the Council. As always I was an oddity and no one knew what to do with me."
"And I should've stood up for you," argued Kavar, "Instead, I let my own fears dictate how I acted. For that, I will never be able to ask forgiveness from you or the galaxy. I can only try to fix the damage that has already been done. If that means standing at your side until the end of time. Then that's what I'll do."
They stayed silent for a few moments. The weight of his words hung heavily between them. Kavar rolled off of him allowing Lukas to sit up. He shook violently as he sat up.
"I've been taking stims to stop from sleeping," admitted Lukas quietly, "The dreams are getting worse. I've started hearing the screaming in my waking hours. The more that my connection to the Force grows, the worse everything becomes. My head is pounding. I don't know what to do, Kavar."
A comforting arm was placed on his shoulders. Leaning into the embrace, Lukas rested his head on Kavar's shoulder. There was a pause, then Kavar spoke again, his voice gentle.
"There's a bond between us. One that's still there even after all this time. I think that the Exile, and the destruction of the Jedi did a lot of damage. It is still there. We've been ignoring it and not letting ourselves heal. Both physically and mentally," said Kavar, "We need to start healing. I want to help you. If you'll have me."
"Yes," answered Lukas without hesitation.
"Good. Then we'll have to work together. We can't keep running from our past," sighed Kavar, "We should get cleaned up. Then I think we should talk about the war. Just the two of us. No one else."
"Alright," agreed Lukas, "I think that's a good idea."'
Kavar smiled at him and helped him to his feet. A small smile tugged at his lips.
...
Lukas curled into Kavar's side. He was so warm, and his arms wrapped around him were comforting. They had spent several hours talking about the wars. It left Lukas feeling drained. But also somewhat better. Like some of the burden was lifted from him. Some of his guilt was gone. Not a lot, but some of the edge was gone now. And that was enough to ease the pounding in his skull and the ringing in his ears.
Lukas nipped lightly at Kavar's jaw. He felt the man's grip tighten on his waist. Then, Kavar rolled them over. Caging him against the bed, he loomed over him. Despite that, there was no fear or worry. He knew that Kavar wouldn't do anything to intentionally harm him. Especially not in such a situation. And that was comforting to him. To have the one person he trusted above everyone, at his side once more.
"Are you sure?" Rumbled Kavar, his eyes searching Lukas' own, "I don't want to hurt you."
"I trust you," promised Lukas and leaned up to kiss Kavar.
It only took a few seconds for Kavar to deepen it. When they broke apart, Kavar moved to nip at his neck. Shuddering, Lukas tilted his head to the side. Kavar's teeth scraped at his skin, and a soft groan escaped him.