Chapter Text
“There was something I wanted to protect you from… I wondered what it was… I wanted to protect you from fate.. which just kept sweeping you away, like a flood” , Eiji’s words were ringing in his ears as he ran to the airport. The moment he saw the ticket, he just couldn’t think straight. All his worries seem to be vanished reading Eiji’s kind words… the words that provided him warmth. All he wanted now was just to be with Eiji. He had gathered so much courage to resist the urge to go and see him… for one last time as he planned to never see him again. But now, all thoughts had vanished.
‘ I am coming to you…Eiji… Please… Wait for me ’
He was thinking while he ran as fast he could. But their fate demanded something else. As Ash ran as his life depended on it, a man came running towards as fast as him. In no time, Ash’s legs stopped moving, his jades widened, and he felt pain in his stomach, and his heart as well, as he was struck by a realization. Flooded by thoughts and memories of Eiji, he didn’t realize that his own death was approaching him. But all his happiness was shattered now. He pressed the area where he was stabbed and took out his gun and immediately shot the man.
“ Why? Why didn’t you notice me, Ash? You were always so conscious of your surroundings… Then why now? ” , Lao said as he stumbled back because of his gunshot wound.
He looked at his blood which had stained the pavement he was running on. But Ash couldn’t care less about it. He somehow picked up Eiji’s letter and started walking to the library. His only comfort place after Eiji's embrace.
‘ So this is how it ends… I was overwhelmed with my emotions that I forgot how different we are… I am only a nuisance in your life after all… no matter how much you say that I am not bad news… But I can’t just forget how much you got hurt because you got involved with me… Your world doesn’t contain guns or any weapons… I really envy you, Eiji and I am so sorry… I will cherish all the moments I spent with you, even after death… I promise… But please… please forget about me…Live your life to the fullest… I want you to be happy…
You know … I really wanted to come to Japan with you, Eiji…But I know I can't.. I can't bear to see your blood being spilled because of me.. Not anymore..
I love you Eiji.
Sa-yo-na-ra ’
Ash thought as he proceeded to sit on the chair as he very well knew that their meet at the hospital was the last time they saw each other. The only thing he wanted to do now is to read Eiji’s letter before succumbing to his wounds.
“ Why are you so restless, Ei-chan? Worried about Ash? And just now… why did you react like that… Did something happen? Are you okay?” , Ibe-san was questioning him as they waited on the airport.
“ It’s nothing Ibe-san…” , Eiji answered.
But he also knew that something was wrong.
‘ What was that just now? Why did I feel like my heart just stopped for a second? Why am I so restless? Is it because I haven’t seen Ash for so much time… Will Ash come with Sing? I hope he does… I know you won’t see me because you are worried about my safety.. But I really want to see you now… Ash, Please come to me… Remember I told you that I will be waiting for you forever... That applies here too! Come to me, Ash , Please '
“ Eijiiii !!!!!!” , Sing shouted. Eiji looked at him in hope of seeing Ash with him. But he was disappointed. Ibe-san looked at Eiji’s eyes getting all sparkly and then sadness lurking in as a certain blonde wasn’t the one the brown eyes saw. He was worried about Ash too.
“ Ash said you should come back … He can’t wait to see you, Eijiiiii…” , Sing shouted. Eiji smiled at him but the thought that he will not be able to see Ash still pained him. Everyone waved their hands to Eiji and Ibe.
But Eiji couldn't help but feel more and more restless. That's when suspicion came to his mind.
Was Sing telling the truth? Did Ash really tell him to pass on this message to me? Or was he lying to hide something? His intuition kicked in.
Ash is safe, right? A certain realization struck him. He widened his eyes in fear of something happening to his beloved.
Ibe started moving the wheelchair. Eiji immediately held his hand and looked at him with his feared expression.
" What happened? ", Ibe couldn't register the meaning of that expression.
" Take me to Ash ", Eiji said. His voice was trembling as he was trying his best not to cry.
" Huh? ", Ibe was quite shocked at Eiji's sudden request.
" Please, Ibe-san, Take me to Ash.. I have to meet him before I leave this country.. atleast once... I would have ran away to see him if only this body of mine wasn't so useless at such a time...Dammit.. That's why I am requesting you Ibe-san.. Please take me to the New York Public Library.." . Eiji pleaded in front of Ibe. Others were wondering what Ibe and Eiji were talking instead of going for the flight. They were going to miss their flight at this rate.
On the other side, Ibe was in a dilemma now. Since Eiji's family knew he was shot, no way in hell they would allow Eiji to be in New York for more time now. But Eiji's pleading eyes just pierced his heart. He very well knew what Ash meant to Eiji. This had happened before. Eiji pleading Ibe to stay and postponing going to Japan as far as possible. But just now, it somehow felt different. The way Eiji got all panicked and suddenly put an absurd request before him. Ibe got lost in thoughts not understanding what would be the best option now?
" Ibe-san !!! I am begging you..please please take me to Ash..I have a really bad feeling...I am just praying that wherever Ash is.. May he be safe...But there are chances that my prayers won't be answered and something might happen to- " , Eiji stopped as tears threatened to fall from his eyes and he didn't want to speak either. Even if it was the truth, he didn't want to accept it. Never.
Ibe looked at his condition and sighed. There was no way he could take Eiji back to Japan in such a condition.
' His parents are gonna kill me for this.. But sorry.. I can't separate these boys anymore.. They deserve to be together through every thick and thin.. '
" Fine then.. Let's go to your Ash.. Tell me where he is.. ", Ibe spoke and Eiji stared at his face for some moments.
" What happened ? Didn't expect me to actually accept your request this quickly? Well I don't want to be a villain who ruins a beautiful love story like yours.. " , Ibe said in a dramatic tone.
Eiji chuckled at his antics. He hugged Ibe and let his tears fall for a moment.
" Heyyy Eijiii !! What the hell are ya doing there man ? You both are going together right ? Why the hell are you crying then ? " , Alex shouted as they were confused.
Eiji turned and smiled at them. " I am going to Ash !!! " , he shouted.
Sing's eyes widened but the shocked expression soon turned into a warm smile. Alex and Bones were going to say something but Sing stopped them.
" Don't ask him any further.. Let's just go with him right now.. Save all your doubts for later.. " , Sing said to which the others agreed.
They all left the airport.
" Sing, you met Ash at the library, right? " , Eiji asked as they were in the car.
" uh.. Yeah, I did " , Sing was wondering how Ash would react seeing Eiji there.
" Good, then he must be there only.. He doesn't move for hours from there. I am so excited to meet him " , Eiji squealed like a little kid who was just going to meet his favorite person. Little did he know that Ash actually wasn't moving a bit. He was in a slumber. A deep, deep slumber.
' Where am I ? Everything is so dark. What is even happening ?
Ahhh... This feeling again. This is familiar. I have felt this before. I feel no pain. I remember... I was reading Eiji's letter. I saw the ticket in the envelope. How could I turn down such an invitation? I ran... I wanted to be with Eiji. So bad that my senses went to sleep and resulted in my blood being spilled on that pavement. And now here I am. Waiting for my death to come and take all my pain away. Eiji must be in the plane now. The fact that Eiji will be safe from now and away from this blood-stained world of mine just makes my heart be at peace. I don't want anything now. Because I know I can never dare to ask for a normal life. I did that mistake once. But not again. '
Ash was slowly slipping out of his consciousness.
' The voices of people have stopped. My head feels so light. What is even happening to me ? Is this the thing people experience before they die? Guess I have to apologize to all the old geezers in hell for not even letting them experience this before I shot them dead. '
Suddenly a girl appears behind him.
" Aslan... " , the girl's sweet voice caught his attention as he turned around to look at her. Surely he wouldn't deny that the sweet call had stirred up something in his heart and his calm composure was falling apart. From her appearance, she did not seem to be more than 18 years old. Ash's gaze fell over her face and in some mere moments, his vision became blurry as the tears ran down his cheeks. The girl's face gave her introduction.
" M..Mom ? ", he whispered and her lips curved in a small smile. How could he not recognize his own mother? Though he didn't remember her face but her blonde hair and jade eyes were enough to tell him her identity and bring tears to his eyes.
" How are you here? I can see you.. I can hear you.. Does that mean I am dead? ", his voice, too overjoyed by the fact that he can see and hear his mother again. Just the same way a 10 year old gets excited when his mother is about to return home. The thought of being with her just healed his broken heart.. just by a little. Just then, a hand landed on his head and caressed his hair gently. He turned his head instinctively feeling drawn to the familiar touch. As he turned, a pair of loving eyes were looking at him. How much he longed for that gentleness that man was showing him ! It was Griffin. As their eyes met, Ash couldn't control anymore. This bittersweet feeling was just too much to handle. Ash Lynx, a guy who managed to maintain his tough guy image in front of his gang and the whole world, was now breaking down at the sight of his mother and brother.
If only handling emotions were as easy as handling a gun.
He burst into tears and sobbed uncontrollably. His mother knelt down and gently took him in an embrace. Griffin also stayed near him gently stroking his dear brother's hair. There was nothing on Ash's mind now. Just a pain in his chest he felt. He wondered when did he cry like this last time. It was like all his 18 years of pain was flowing through the tears. He cried. The eight year old in him cried when he was raped and abused the first time. The time when the real trauma started. The eleven year old in him cried when he was taken by Dino . The seventeen year old in him cried when he lost Shorter and Griffin. The eighteen year old in him cried when he nearly lost Eiji. He cried for each of the time when he got raped by the old men. He cried for every single moment of his life. His soul was just too broken to be repaired by the tiny happy moments of his life. For himself, he was beyond repair. Who knows how much time he cried in his mother's embrace remembering all the sad times, that is, his whole life.
A good amount of time passed and Ash finally calmed down.
" Are you feeling okay now? ", his mother asked. Ash gave a little nod as his answer.
" You didn't answer my question "
" What question, Aslan? "
" Am I dead? Where am I? Is this the place you go after death? ", Ash asked as he looked at the endless illuminated place they were sitting down on.
" You are not dead yet ", Griffin said. " But surely you will end up dead if you don't think about the people who love you more than anything. How could you, Ash Lynx, give up on his life so easily? "
" There is nothing left for me now, Griff. All the street gang members share a similar demise. I am no exception. In the end, I am killed by one of my enemies. That's how it ends. That's how it should end. I am a such a pain in the ass in everyone's life and no one can convince me otherwise. No one, I say no one deserves to go through the shit I went through. And all these years of pain, I just can't forget. I can't forget the number of times other people risked their life for the sake of keeping me alive. I don't deserve them. After I'm gone, they will forget about me with time and lead their normal lives once again. As for me, it is absolutely impossible for me to stay alive without a gun in my hand, let alone living a normal life. " , Ash spoke and smiled sadly. That smile was enough to tell the other two how much had he suffered, how much he wanted to just die, and they way he had given up on his life. He had no wish to live whatsoever. But they both wanted him to live. Because Dino was dead. All of the main guys who caused the nuisance in Ash's life were dead. Surely there were more bad guys roaming but there was a chance. A chance for Ash to live a normal life. A chance for him to do all the things he missed out on in his childhood. A chance to rewrite all the bad memories with new happy ones. How could they let him waste this chance?
" Aslan, listen ", she cupped his face and gently wiped off his tears, " First thing, remove this stupid thing from this smart brain of yours that you are burden to everyone's life. This is one thing that you are making up to stay away from everyone. Why? Think about that one person who was with you through every thick and thin, who brought warmth in this frozen heart of yours, the one who you made most of the happy memories with. The one who said that he'll go crazy if he ever lost you. You think he said that just as a joke? It was the truth. And how stupid of you to think that everyone will just forget you and move on with their lives. Your presence mattered for them the most, Aslan. And your absence will hurt them the most too. Don't think that you were a storm which just passed by their lives. You were, are and will remain a constant for the entirety of their lives. Be it your gang, Max, Sing, ibe, your Eiji or any other person. Don't think so low of yourself. You will forever remain in their memories, Aslan. So instead of just remaining in their memories, why not try to live? I know it's hard for you.. It is truly the hardest for you. But trust me when I say this, Aslan.. Happiness will come in your life.. Or I must say it is already in your life. But you are denying it. After all, living isn't so bad when you have people to love and be loved by. Being able to love and be loved is a blessing not everyone has. But you have it Ash. Don't let it go into vain. All these years, I have missed you more than anything my son. But I want to see you happy more than anything else. And your true happiness isn't in death. It is with Eiji. You are thinking that dying will bring you peace. But no, you dying will just snatch away the peace everyone else has. And seeing them in pain won't make you happy in any way. So listen to me, Aslan... Don't give up. Live. Live for Eiji. Live for every person you wish to love and to be with. "
She gently held his face and pecked his forehead. " Me and your dear brother will always be watching over you... But please don't insist on coming with us.. You have a long way ahead of you. Don't abandon it.. " , she was looking in his eyes trying to figure out if her words made a difference.
" B..But how can I? after all I did.. I killed so many people.. I am a monster .. how is it possible for me to live a normal life? Whether I live or die.. the blood would still remain on my hands and it would make no difference.. And Shorter and Skip.. they both died because of me.. It was me who killed Shorter and Skip died to save me.. It's all my fault.. ", Ash would be lying if he said that her words had no effect on him. She was attempting to convince him to cling onto life. Grab this chance and live life the way he wanted with the people he loved. But that was the main problem for him. What did he want? He'd never known anything besides 'protect and survive' . He protected the people he cared for and killed the enemies to survive. What was there in his life more than this? Even if he survives now, what next? Will he go to college? That idea seemed as ridiculous to him as it was. He couldn't imagine himself doing anything besides killing. Surely, her words had made him want to live. Survive, live life to the fullest. But the weight of the pain was too much for him to bear.
" DON'T GO AROUND BLAMING YOURSELF, ASH !! IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT DAMNIT ! " , someone shouted and he lifted his head to see who that voice belonged to. He saw Shorter and Skip looking at him with an irritated expression. Shorter walked towards him .. more like stomped towards him with every step.
" He's right Ash. Don't blame yourself. It was not your fault " , Skip added.
" And what is with this crying, man? Come on get up now.. And listen, fit this one thing in your mind.. You were forced to live like this.. It was not your fault that psycho doctor injected that crazy drug in me and made me loose my mind.. Instead, I am grateful that you ended my suffering. So you don't have to blame yourself. I won't stretch this long. It's just as your mother said, Ash. We will be watching over you always. So please get up now. You have to sort things out with Eiji, right? " , Shorter said while firmly holding onto Ash's shoulders.
Ash stared at his face before smiling wholeheartedly. he felt like a big burden was lifted off his shoulders. Their words really got him.
" Fine fine.. you guys win.. I won't give up " , Ash said and earned the smiles of the four people before him.
He tightly hugged each one of them one last time and saw them disappearing into thin air. He smiled with all his heart and promised to live.
' uhh.. my eyes hurt from this light... huh? Who's that? that face.. is familiar ' , Ash wondered as he slowly opened his eyes and found himself in the same position in the New York public library. He had some consciousness left. He had gathered all of the remaining strength he had just to move his eyelids just to have his vision so blurry that he couldn't see a thing.
Soon enough, he could feel a warm hand on his cheeks and drops of water fall on his hand. The touch... it felt so familiar. The hand placed on his cheek was trembling trying to wake him up from his slumber. Somehow, he widened the little slit in his eyes a little more to see the face of this person.
As he opened his eyes a little more, he could see a bunch of familiar faces. Everyone were panicking for some reason.
Muffled voices like ' Call the ambulance ! What is happening? Is that boy ok? ' were falling on his ears, so distant that he felt the voices are from some another world. Each breathe felt like another stab to his chest, he couldn't move. Everything felt like a foggy dream, like he were floating in an endless space. The terrified voices had grown fainter and fainter like a dissolving echo into the distance... and yet here he was, staring at a face as if the man before him were God himself. He felt peace amidst the chaos, as if his only wish had been fulfilled.
But... the face he was gazing at through his dulled eyes, was not in a state of peace at all. The man before him was frantic, panic etched all over his face, holding his hand and crying out to him , trying to keep him awake.
' Ei..Eiji ", Ash called out, barely being a whisper, before all the voices around him faded completely and he slipped into unconsciousness.