Chapter Text
“You’re still awake.”
The sound of N’s voice through V’s receptors makes her stir.
“Yes,” she says with such faux sincerity it comes off as sarcastic, “I am.”
“Why?”
The question is a simple one, but V can’t bring herself to answer. She doubts she even knows the answer. “Why are you?”
Now that the tables are turned, it’s N’s turn to hesitate. The normally faint sounds of digital eyes blinking and internal fans whirring and V’s Heart thumping are suddenly deafening in this otherwise silent room.
“Yeah,” V says. “I thought so.” And she turns over on her side, away from him and his sparkling golden eyes.
She, N, and Uzi are all huddled together in a pile on Uzi’s bedroom floor. The feel of the carpet underneath V’s body is suffocating. She wishes they’d sleep in a real bed, or hanging from the pole above said real bed. She wonders if Uzi’s awake. As if on cue, snoring immediately answers that question.
A hand on V’s shoulder, metallic and warm. Almost hot. When was the last time she and N had real oil?
“V,” says N. “V, I can’t— I can’t help you if you won’t talk to me.”
“Who said anything about needing to be helped? I don’t need help!” The sentences come out more snappish than V had initially planned them to. She tugs guiltily at the fringes of her scarf, something she had found in the Labs with Sparky. A token, along with the cowboy hat and lensless glasses, of everything from down there. Not like she needs any souvenirs, not when the ghosts of the things down there tag along in her CPU. Not when every time she closes her eyes, she sees CYN.
Uzi stirs awake at V’s voice. More guilt floods V’s body. She shoves it down. Just like she shoved everything down.
Despite her sharkish tone, N is just as gentle as ever. “You do.” She can swear his voicebox is cracking. His hand rubs her arm. “You do, V.”
She’s quiet. He’s right.
“You’ve been...stuffing so much down,” he whispers. Oh, yeah, his voice is breaking. “You’ve been doing it all alone, seeing...all of that. You need help, V.”
“What’s in it to you?” Robo-Jesus, now her voice is breaking.
Uzi is fully awake, sitting upright, gazing at V with an expression close to N’s.
“I want to help you. I want you back. I want the V I fell in love with years ago back at the manor. The happy one. The one who isn’t plagued by her own guilt. The one who finds joy in just being alive.”
He’s starting to cry. So is she.
“We’ve all been through so much frikkin’ crap,” Uzi says, the only one holding it together, voice groggy. “But we’ll all figure it out together. The three of us.”
Wow, V underestimated how much N rubbed off on this girl.
“You’ve spent so much time trying to protect N when you thought nobody else could or would. That was your number one priority, and he’s safe now because of you, V. And I admire you so much for that, even though it’s kinda stupid, BUT! The point is that now he’s safe, and so am I, and so are you. And you can finally let go. We want you to let go.” Now N’s is not the only hand on V’s arm. “Let go.”
Stop what? Trying to protect them? Uzi’s right. The Solver is gone. They’re safe, for the first time in their entire lives. What do they need protection from? Nothing.
So why are you still holding on?
V needs to let go.
...
So...she does. She tells them everything they don’t already know. About how she and J were the only ones who knew what the Company really was, about how CYN had told them over and over what the consequences would be if they didn’t follow through with the job, why Uzi had been a threat.
It feels...good, to finally say all that. Like a weight she didn’t know she was carrying has been lifted off her chest. Like now she can finally breathe.
And N and Uzi are there the whole time, listening, crying when she cries, rubbing her back, combing her hair with their fingers, sharing their own things they’ve hidden.
And when it’s all done, V is exhausted, half-asleep in her partners’ embrace. And she feels safe.
She let go.
She’s free at long last.