Chapter Text
“I’m dying,” James manages to wheeze through his constricting lungs, tears catching in the corners of his eyes as his chest burns and he falls to his knees in the Gryffindor common room.
“Holy shit, me too!” Sirius gasps out beside him, leaning against the side of one of the plush sofas for support. “Did you see his face?” He cackles, his own scrunching up into a mocking imitation of Lucius Malfoy’s disgusted face that sets James away howling again, falling into a coughing fit as he remembers the blond’s ponce-y face when he realised that his stupidly expensive, posh tea had turned his platinum locks red and gold.
“I thought he looked charming,” Remus quips from his seat on the sofa next to where Sirius is supporting himself. “It was a very… bold choice,” he smirks.
Catching on, James puffs out a breath of laughter. “Oh yeah, he’s so brave for dyeing his hair like that!”
“So courageous!” Sirius chokes out, before falling into barking laughter, flopping over the side of the sofa to fall against his boyfriend’s side, Remus raising an arm for him to snuggle in deeper, long fingers brushing a stray lock of hair that has escaped his messy bun behind his ear affectionately.
James’ lungs ache again, but for an entirely different reason now.
The three of them have been having fun together now for the better part of six months, and it is fun, only… James went and got too attached.
Like, fatally-ill-with-an-incurable-magic-disease kinds of ill.
Like, there’s-a-plant-growing-in-my-lungs-and-slowly-suffocating-me kinds of ill.
Like, the-only-cure-is-for-my-unrequited-love-to-suddenly-become-requited kinds of ill…
And he has thought about telling them! It’s just… looking at them now, they look so perfect together. Like two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle that slot perfectly into place - and James is just the clunky corner piece that is quite literally stuck on the outside.
His problem is made infinitely worse by the fact that everyone knows they are a couple - most students would even say they are the ‘It’ couple of Hogwarts - and no one knows they are seeing James as well.
At first it was fun, all the subterfuge and sneaking around together. People would poke fun at Sirius’ hickeys and they would all smirk to eachother knowing it was actually James that left those particular marks the night before… but over time, the spark of mischief has worn off and it feels less like fun and more like he’s their dirty little secret.
He tried to bring it up once; both his feelings for them, and how the secrecy was getting him down on himself, like they didn’t want to be seen with him - which he guesses they don’t, considering Sirius just laughed it off, like James was being stupid for even suggesting it. Adding on to that Remus’ heightened senses and his ability to ‘smell emotions’ - his words, not James’ - well, they clearly know how James feels about them and are too kind to let him down gently.
He gets it - he does! He’s over emotional and excitable and got a bit too attached, when it was supposed to just be a little bit of fun between friends and now they don’t want to call things off incase it ruins their friendship or makes things awkward…
Well, it’s good thing James only has a couple more months left to live then, isn’t it?
Wincing slightly at the pain that tears through his lungs at the thought of having to leave them, James pulls himself up to sit on the opposite side of the sofa, smiling slightly when Sirius stretches a leg out to rest his foot in James’ lap.
Brushing gentle fingers over his pale, delicate ankle, James thinks over what he should do…
Should he break things off? End things before it’s too late and try to live out his final months as just good friends?
Should he tell them and be rejected? Pushing the illness along way more rapidly, but getting him out of this awkward situation a hell of a lot quicker?
Or, should he not tell them, not break it off, and spend his final moments being close to the two men he’s fallen head over heels in love with?
James knows which option sounds the most appealing to him…
Lifting his head, he sits back and stares at his best friends as Sirius whispers something into Remus’ ear, that stubborn lock of hair falling back into his face again. His porcelain skin glows faintly in the light of the fire as his grey eyes sparkle with mirth, thin lips pulling up into that teasing, sexy smirk he does so well, eyes darting across to James as if he’s sharing the joke with him too.
In contrast, Remus is all sepia tones. Tanned skin, pale scars, a chunky knitted sweater in different shades of brown, with chestnut curls falling across his forehead. A charmingly crooked nose that he refused to set after the 4th time he broke it during a full moon. Wide, plush lips that have a constant red flush due to him being a perpetual lip biter, which spit out witty remarks and whisper filthy demands so perfectly into James’ ears, and finally, those honey-gold eyes - the perfect match to Sirius’ silver ones.
Silver and gold, light and dark, moon and star…
The two are so well matched that it hurts to look at them sometimes, the crawling ache in his chest growing into a sharp shooting pain when he stares at them for too long, almost like he can feel the roots stretching inside of him, feeding off of his love and desire for them the longer he looks at them. Watching them laugh at whatever Sirius whispered in Remus’ ear - witnessing the familiarity and intimacy between them - James knows that there’s no place for him in their relationship; just in their bed.