Chapter Text
Izzy’s never been sexually intimate with women in her whole life. Or with anyone.
Though the sinful thoughts of women doing such vulgar acts filled her thoughts any chance they could. Surely, she thought the devil himself had sent their demons to drag her down to the fiery pits of hell.
She had been raised religious her whole life. Far too afraid to turn away from God, fearing he may strike her down if she even thought about leaving the church.
Today she woke up from another sinful dream.
Between her legs her cunt was slick in arousal from her naughty dream. She immediately bowed her head in prayer. Asking god to get such vulgar thoughts out of her head and to prevent the devil from entering her body with these sinful images.
These worrisome thoughts and dreams haunted her. She spent every hour, every second of the day dreading God’s disapproval of her sinful mind.
Surely, she was going to hell now.
She heaved herself from bed and began to get ready for church. Despite how guilty she felt she still went every Sunday and Wednesday for service.
Deciding to take her time today. If she’s late to morning service it wouldn’t be a bad thing. She could lie and say she had lost track of time or something.
That same woman filled her every sinful thought. She didn’t even know her name, but she knew that God had sent her to try and pull her to sin.
Izzy took an extra long look at herself in the mirror. Staring directly into her reflection to see if the sinful thoughts were turning her into a demon.
She’d spout horns from her head, her skin would flush red, and a tail would pop up in her backside. She could almost see the vision now.
She quickly shook her head, squeezed her eyes shut and placed her hands on either side of her temple. Silently whispering the Lord’s Prayer to soothe her worry. Doing this until she was calm enough to open her eyes once more
Taking a deep breath she pulled her hands away to begin getting ready. Brushing her teeth, changing out of her dirty night clothes into her church outfit, and doing her hair.
She changed out of the slick panties with a grimace on her face. Having no sexual experience in her life made her worry about what to do should the moment come. Her husband would laugh at her inexperience and show her the way to procreate. For that’s our mission as humans. Spread God's word and have many babies as you physically can to help spread his holy gospel.
Izzy was nearing the age of thirty and knew she had little time to find a husband to start her duties as a god loving woman.
She was lost in thought as she began to brush out her long hair. It was so long that it nearly went past her bottom. Keeping it long till she married. Then she would cut it, probably donate the hair.
She stole another glance in the mirror as she braided her hair in a simple braid. Her eyes were dull and hopeless.
‘You’re a sinner. A filthy dirty sinner. And what does God do with sinners? Sends ‘em to hell!’
Izzy shut her eyes tightly as this thought popped into her head. Biting down hard on her bottom lip.
‘You’ll be swimming in the eternal lake of fire with the other sinners! No redemption for you! You’ll have to spend eternity with other sinners.’
Tears welled up in her eyes as her fingers danced through her hair. Having to keep going on her braid or she’d have to start over again.
Each horrible thought that lingered in her head made the lump in her throat grow more and more painful with each word until she couldn’t bear it.
Dropping the braid from its hold in her fingers and bringing them up to her face. Bending over in her lap with a heart wrench sob. “God..please..” She sobbed into her hands. “Please save me..I’ll do anything God. Anything please..”
Her stomach churned in fear. Envisioning God turning his back on her as she cried in her room. Watching her in disgust as she sobs.
Her stomach burned now, warning that she was going to vomit. The bile sat hot in her stomach before slowly pushing its way up. Making her gag until her face turned red.
Stumbling over her own feet to get to the toilet, her body trembling in absolute agony as she finally threw herself to her knees before the porcelain bowl.
She sputtered a bit before the burning bile finally exited from her stomach. Clutching each side of the toilet bowl, her knuckles turning white from how hard she was holding onto it.
Of course, she hadn’t eaten anything since last night so all that came up was stomach acid. The bitter taste burned her throat as it exited her body. Lingering even after she was panting.
She grimaced and flushed the toilet. This was going to be a long day.
~ ~ ~
Service was agonizingly long today. She was hardly paying attention anyways. Gazing down at the text from her Bible, the words seemed foreign as if she had forgotten how to read.
“Let us bow our heads and pray,”
Izzy was pulled from her thoughts immediately to bow her head with the others.
“Dear Heavenly Father, lord God almighty. We want to thank you for our everlasting salvation that your son has given to us. Lord we thank you for-“
Izzy tuned him out slightly as she sat in her seat. Her mind began to fill with thoughts of that woman again. The things she would do to her, and oh she wanted to be true.
She wanted this woman to pull her away from her once holy life. Show her how to open her eyes to the real world. Help her cast god away from her.
Her eyes popped open immediately when she snapped back to what was going on. Frantically looking around to see if anyone else had heard what she was thinking.
All she knows is that she could’ve been thinking this out loud! Oh everyone in this church knows she’s a filthy sinner now! They’ll have her outcasted any second now.
Her hands gripped her dress to control the horrible panic that rushed through her body.
“These last few minutes are for anyone to reflect on things, ask God for guidance in anything, or to come ask me a question. Lunch today will be chicken, salad, and wonderful sides all provided by volunteers. I’ll stay behind an extra five minutes to chat with those who wish to ask questions.”
Izzy bit her bottom lip as she looked around at everyone going to get lunch. Rushing to be the first one in line. She sat quiet in her seat for a moment more before getting up. Setting her Bible down in her chair before slowly dragging her feet to the pastor who was sitting up by the piano on stage.
“Ah Ms.Hands, it’s so lovely to see you.” He said as he quickly got up to greet her, taking her hands into his own and giving them a soft squeeze. “Hello Pastor James. It’s great to see you too, uhm may I talk to you?”
He gave a soft nod and gestured back to the seats where she had been sitting beforehand. “Is there something troubling you?”
Troubling was an understatement.
She took a shaky sigh as she sat back down. “I believe the devil has sent his evil minions to taunt me.” She said, She was exhausted and her eyes said it all.
The pastor hummed to her words. “And why do you think the devil is after you? Have you done anything to tempt him into your life? Or perhaps asked God for a trial?”
Izzy took another shaky sigh. “I don’t know,,I keep having sinful thoughts and dreams..” She whispered. “I fear that God has been judging me since they’ve happened. Waiting for the right moment to allow hell to open the earth beneath me swallow me up…”
Hot tears welled in her eyes again. “And I keep praying to God and he hasn’t answered my prayer…I fear God has abandoned me because I am too far gone for even him to save me..!”
She brought her hands up to her face and sobbed openly into her hands. Pastor James immediately moved to console the woman. Gingerly petting her back while his other hand fished out a small package of tissues from his pocket.
“God hasn’t abandoned you child, he is-“
“It feels like he has casted me out of his love. I..I..” She took a deep breath to calm herself. “I must go, I’m sorry I cannot stay for the second service.” She quickly got up, collected her things and gave him a small nod.
“Good bye pastor, see you Wednesday for night service,”
Before pastor James could even get another word out the woman was gone. Rushing through the doors and out to her car. Fumbling with her purse to dish out her car keys. “Lord Jesus, please don’t do this to me today..” She begged under her breath.
The jingle of her keys taunted her as her hands frantically dug around the crap in her purse. Grabbing a hold of the key loop and pulling them out in a swift motion. Her trembling hands unlocking the door with the press of a button, throwing open the door and throwing her stuff inside.
Looking over her shoulder to see if the angry mob was there to chase her out. No one had even batted a lash when she ran out sobbing. In one quick motion she was in her seat, buckled in, and started the car.
Of course, checking her mirrors before getting the hell out of this place.
Izzy didn’t even remember driving past her neighborhood but when she came to she was almost an hour away. She took a deep breath and gripped the wheel as hard as she could without drifting or even accidentally sounding the horn.
‘Just breathe, just breathe. In for two, out for two. In for two, out for two.’ She reminded herself as she inhaled deeply through her nose, exhaling through pursed lips. Doing this until her labored breathing was calm once more.
“God hasn’t outcased you,, he’d never do that to one of his children..”
She tilted her head just a bit. “Maybe he would, I don't know, maybe I have done something to make him give me such hardships..”
She sighed heavily.
“God, why must you test me so? What have I done to deserve this? What have I done in my life that I have devoted to you to deserve this type of treatment?!”
Her chest tightened as she got worked up once more, turning her car back around to go home.
“Is this my great plan?! Make me suffer with these impure thoughts while I’ve been saving myself for the right holy man?! Some test God. I don’t want to suffer anymore, I have given you everything I have and it just isn’t enough anymore!”
Her eyes watered once more as she quieted down. “I just..” She mumbled. “I just wish you would answer me. Or send me someone to help me.”
The drive back home was quiet other than the faint whispers of the radio which was almost always playing the best gospel channels she knew.
Once home Izzy parked in her driveway, sitting there for just a moment while she let that horrible feeling in the pit of her stomach sink in.
“God, please forgive me for my outburst. I was not in my right state of mind and what I said was inappropriate in my position.”
She nodded before turning the car off. Reaching down to undo her seatbelt. Reaching over to grab her purse and Bible. She opened the door and climbed out. Sighing gently as she shut the door.
Izzy turned and walked towards the front door, turning to look over her shoulder just for safety precautions. Young woman living alone isn’t safe so you could never be too cautious.
“Excuse me?” A voice called from down the street.
It was a woman. She was fairly tall with dirty blonde hair that was pulled into a high pony. Her clothes were rather vulgar and she was wearing heavy makeup.
“Can I please use your phone or could you possibly give me a ride somewhere? I got stranded and my phone is dead,”
It would be rude to not help this woman and the Bible does have many scriptures about helping others. Izzy pressed her lips tightly together until they were a thin line.
“I can give you a ride, I have a flip phone if you need to make a call during the ride.” Izzy said gently, nodding towards her truck to give this woman a ride.
She grinned brightly at this, a bit surprised that she was so easy to give her a ride. “Oh thank you so much, I’ve been wandering for a good few. My car broke down a few weeks ago and I’ve been hitchhiking mostly.”
Izzy turned back to her truck where she unlocked the doors. “Oh that’s unfortunate, what’s the matter with your car? I may have a friend who can help you.” Izzy said gently.
The woman looked over as she hopped into the passenger seat. “I haven’t been able to get it to start, so I popped the hood and realized that I don’t know anything about cars.” She chuckled.
“I’m Jack by the way,” Jack introduced herself.
“It’s nice to meet you Jack, I’m Isabella but everyone calls me Izzy.” Jack reached her hand over to which Izzy gave her hand a soft shake.
“Where are you going to?” Izzy asked once she was nestled in her seat, buckling herself in and setting her things just between her feet on the floor.
“Back to my house, I’ll point you the way. Maybe you can see what’s wrong with my car,” Izzy hummed in acknowledgment. As Jack said, she pointed which way to go.
Jack looked over at Izzy once more. “I don’t mean to be a bitch but why are you dressed like you just time traveled from the 1950’s?” Izzy was still in her nice church clothes that were a bit old fashioned.
Izzy couldn’t help the snicker that escaped her lips. “I was at church, I just came home when you came over.” Jack hummed in acknowledgment this time. “I thought you were just a stay at home nanny who likes the whole traditional 1950’s look.”
Wouldn’t have been the first time Izzy’s been told that. All because she dresses modestly and not, what pastor James would say, skanky. She took a deep breath.
“No, I actually work at an office building as a receptionist. Kinda boring,” Izzy said gently. “I don’t even know what the company sells to be honest, i just answer phone calls, respond to emails, and go get coffee for everyone,”
“After this turn my house is the one with the black Nissan.”
Izzy hummed in acknowledgment as she rounded the corner. “And it just won’t turn on?” Izzy asked as she eyed the car that seemed to be in decent condition.
“Yeah piece of junk, but eh I got it for free so I can’t really complain much.” Izzy pulled into her driveway and put it into park. “There ya go,” She hummed.
Jack smiled at her. “Thank you so much really, I can’t thank you enough.” Jack unbuckled herself to get out. “It’s no problem, I’m glad I was able to help ya.”
Izzy unlocked the doors for her when Jack paused. “Do you wanna come in? I don’t have any plans and I can make us some lunch? A little thank you for driving home.” Jack asked.
That’s a little much, but Izzy wasn’t gonna do anything when she got home. Probably would’ve spent her day dramatically sobbing and eating leftover pasta salad from the night before. Maybe watch the golden girls again.
“Uhm,” Izzy bit down on her bottom lip as she thought. “I’ve got a few oven pizzas that have to be eaten soon if you’d like to help me devour them.” Jack sweetened the deal with oven pizza making Izzy giggle.
“Why not, I don’t have anything planned for the rest of the day.” Izzy turned the car off and got out on her side. “Sweeeeet, I’ve got a dog.” Jack warned her. “His name is Trasher but he’s a big baby don’t worry about him. He may jump on you but just put your knee up and he’ll know to get down.”
Izzy smiled. “I love dogs so I'm not worried. But thank you for warning me before.” Izzy shut her door and locked the car, waiting for Jack to lead the way.
“Welcome to casa Jack.” Jack hummed as she walked to the front door, fishing her house key from between her breasts which made Izzy drop her mouth in both shock and mild amusement.
Jack snickered and opened the door for her. And right on cue this big beefy dog came running towards the door. “Thrasherrrr! Mommy’s hommmeeee and she’s got a pretty lady with her.” She tossed her house key on the table by the door.
Izzy shut the door behind her and locked the door for her. Gasping at the size of this dog. “Oh my gosh look at you, you’re massive,,” She mumbled to the dog who curiously sauntered to her, his nose up in the air to sniff her.
She reached her hand out to him for him to sniff, not wanting to startle him or spook him off. He gave her hand a soft sniff and a big wag of his tail. “You are a big baby,” She smiled, both in relief and in admiration.
“Make yourself at home ok? I’m gonna start on those pizzas.”
Izzy gently slipped off her slip ons and put them by the other shoes at the front door. Gesturing the dog to run along so she could walk into the home.
Jack’s home was a bit overwhelming. Was definitely not a very godly home. Posters of what she could only imagine were satanic things on her walls, as well as very lewd poses of barely clothed women.
“You’ve got..er a very lovely home.” Izzy said gently as she tiptoed to the sitting area. Smoothing her skirt out to sit down on the couch. Resting her hands in her lap. “Thanks, I tried to do something like a theme. Raunchy and annoying.”
Jack let out an annoying laugh. “Ok! Pizza shouldn't be more than twenty minutes.” She came over and plopped herself beside Izzy. Izzy looked over and gave her a up and down before turning to look at the dog who greeted her before.
“So, what do you do for work?”
Izzy wasn’t sure if that’s rude to ask, but Jack did bring it up earlier. Well not really, Izzy willingly told her about her job. It’s kinda fair that Izzy asks now, especially after seeing her home and how she dresses.
No respectable woman works a 9 to 5 job and dresses like that. There’s no way.
“Well, I work as a hairstylist on Sunday’s at my friend's salon and Monday through Friday I work at that really nice restaurant, steak 48.“
Izzy’s brows went up in mild shock and a bit of guilt for her previous thoughts. “Oh,,” Jack seemed to notice this and gave a mildly concerned look. “Did you think I did something else?”
Her face burned bright red in embarrassment. “I’m sorry I don’t know what I was thinking- I just-“ Jack gave her an unreadable expression which only further made her feel worse. “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have made such an accusation in my head- you’re clearly a very nice respectable woman and with a good job I don’t know why I thought that but I really am so-“
“It’s ok.”
She looked back at her. “What?”
Jack smiled. “I’m just messing with you Iz, everyone thinks I work at some brothel or like a bar so don’t worry about it. Plus it gives me a little confidence boost to know people think I’m pretty enough to work at either place.”
Izzy sighed in relief, her hand where her heart rested. “Oh good lord, sorry Jesus,” She quickly apologized for using his name in vain. “But I am sorry, that gives me no right to make such assumptions of you.”
Jack shook her head. “Don’t worry about it, seriously. I’m not mad about it.” Izzy took a deep breath to calm her nerves before shyly looking away.
“Uh, can I ask you a question..?” She asked meekly.
“Depends, are you gonna ask where my sex dungeon is? Cuz I won’t disclose the location no matter what.” Izzy couldn’t help the shocked laugh that left her lips.
“No no, it’s just..” She took another deep breath and looked around the area. Posters of bands that looked like they were run by the devil himself, the weird creepy decor that would make her think this woman was harvesting organs for ritualistic purposes, and on top of that the pentagram sticker on the woman’s bookshelf just inches from her.
She gestured around. “How do you live this kind of life..I don’t understand and I do deeply apologize if this is rude of me.” Izzy said. She pulled her braid forward and began to fiddle with the strands at the end.
“I grew up in a deeply religious household, I never had a sip of any type of alcohol, I’m still pure in that sense of the bedroom, I have no tattoos or piercings, I can’t even watch movies that have demons or any of the sort cuz I believe the devil will project himself into my life..” Tears welled up in her eyes as she continued.
Jack listened with another unreadable expression. Finally taking in just how miserable Izzy looked. The deep bags under her eyes and the worry crease lines on her forehead.
“I’ve bitten my nails till they bled cuz I was sure that my soul had been stolen by a demon after listening to a blasphemous song..” She reached up to dry her eyes a bit. “What I’m saying is,,how do you not live in such fear of god? He could strike you down to hell at any given second..”
Jack nodded and gave a soft shrug. “I know how you feel, trust me I have lived that life before. I got married at eighteen and got divorced at nineteen. I was holy in the sense I was married and was well on my way to repopulating for god. But I wasn’t happy. My husband was a piece of shit, my family forced me to stay cuz divorce isn’t a thing ya know.”
She gave a gentle sigh. “I kinda realized that I didn’t like living in fear. I didn’t have it as strict though. I grew up with a pretty laid back group but they did allow me to marry young and run off with him. After my divorce I stepped away from the church, they didn’t want me anymore knowing that I was a divorcee.”
Izzy listened in carefully. “I’ve done a lot of self reflecting on this topic and I just personally don’t believe in god anymore.” That did scare Izzy just a bit, Jack could tell by the way Izzy was now gripping her braid in her hands.
“I don’t want to live in fear of someone who probably doesn’t exist and has never existed.”
That hit Izzy hard.
Someone who doesn’t exist and never has existed.
A loud beep startled the both of them. “Pizza! I’ll get them, want some ranch or dipping sauce?” Izzy shook her head. “No thank you, but may I have some water I feel a bit faint,,”
Jack nodded and gently reached over, giving her knee a gentle squeeze. “Don’t think so much about it ok? Just have lunch and relax for today.”
Izzy stared off at the TV before her, eyes glazed and hands gripping her braid. Her heart was racing so fast she was sure she was gonna die.
She’s wasted twenty six years of her life being this holy woman, she didn’t do anything sinful or at least tried not to, she didn’t even watch R rated movies in fear that it would lessen her chance of getting into heaven.
The tears in her eyes dribbled down her cheeks as she stared off. Thinking over every moment in her life and how it’s affected her. All her so many missed opportunities, the sleepless nights from the nightmares of demons filling them, and so many more.
Jack came back with two plates and a cup of water. She set down the plates on the coffee table and set the water down by Izzy’s plate. Sitting down beside her once more.
Staying silent to let her have her moment, reaching forward for her own plate of pizza. Munching silently on it to give her her time to reflect. Izzy flinched out of it finally and gave a soft whimper.
She looked to Jack with her wet eyes, her face was white as a ghost, and her hands began to tremble just a bit.
“I want to live..”
Chapter Text
“Izzy…izzy..IZZY!”
Izzy snapped out of her trance once more when Jack gently put her hand on her shoulder. “Hey you’re freaking me out man- you said you want to live then just zoned out again. Do you need some help or like-“
Jack was worried for her, she looked like she was going to vomit and or pass out. “I’m sorry..” She took a few deep breaths. “I just..I.” Her hands gripped her dress and she looked around before smacking her hands against the side of her head.
“It’s hot in here..oh my god..I can’t breathe..”
Jack reached for the cup of water she brought, bringing it up to Izzy for her to drink. “Here, drink some water then breathe alright? You’re having a panic attack.”
Izzy took the glass of water and took a small sip, her mouth was so dry she wasn’t sure it was even going down her throat. She turned her head and coughed just a bit. “I don’t want to live in fear anymore. I want to live and I want to be free..I'm just so freaking scared.” Jack gave her a comforting pat on the back to calm her some. “Yeah yeah I get that, uh I can probably help you? It’s a process babes,”
Izzy sniffled and reached her hand up to dry her eyes. “I’m really sorry, I literally just met you and i'm having a crisis in your house,,” Jack chuckled just a bit. “Hey it wouldn’t have been the first time this has happened before,” She assured her.
“Really?”
Jack faltered a bit. “Er..no not really I was just tryna make you feel better.” This got a small chuckle from Izzy. “Let’s have lunch and I’ll give you my number, if you need help with anything in your new discovery I can probably help. I knew a few people plus I would love it if your friend could help me with my car so I don’t have to hitchhike anymore.”
She gently patted Izzy’s knee with a reassuring smile. “Just breathe, drink some water, and eat ya pizza before it gets cold. Then we can chat just a bit on what you’re thinking ok? Just relax, you’re ok. My house is sacred, nothing's gonna bother us here.” This did assure Izzy enough to relax again. She did have a lot to think about. Does this new life mean she’s gonna leave the church and stop believing? Does this mean her worries have been for nothing?
She tried not to dwell on it too much, instead turning her focus on her pizza slice before her. Her soft sniffles did have Jack turning her head every now and then to make sure she was ok.
Jack barely knew this woman but she could tell she was really going through it. Jack knew that all too well. Her only wish for this woman was that she didn’t snap and if she did she hoped she didn’t snap as hard as Jack did.
After a quite awkward lunch Izzy took her leave, getting Jack’s number and going on her way. Thanking her profusely for lunch and this new found journey.
She quietly reflected as she drove herself home, her hands gently gripped the steering wheel.
~~~
Izzy was in mild distress just weeks after her discovery of yearning for a better life. She had made the hard choice to stop attending church for the time being, not for good! But just until she can leave her home without feeling like there were so many judging glances her way. She has felt those judging eyes even in the comfort of her own home. It’s like she was never alone, there was always some sort of uncomfortable presence with her. Was this guilt? She hadn’t even done anything except say she wanted to live!
Was that all it took for God to cast her away from his light?!
Needless to say she had used some of her many saved sick days to take the week off, it’s not like she was doing much work while she was on the clock. Spending what felt like hours just staring into the abyss. And now she spent her days laid in bed or sobbing on the bathroom floor. During her sobbing fits she had gone as far as snapping her flip phone in half, she had thought the devil was calling her when in reality it was spam calls.
Now that her phone was out of service she was now fully disconnected from everyone else in the world. Which would be fine if she didn’t have her newly acquired friend. And of course this worried Jack when her calls went straight to voicemail or her texts weren’t going through. She thought the woman had died or had even done something so insane. Her final straw was her fifth call in a row going to that damned voicemail message.
‘Hey, it’s me Isabella Hands. I’m busy right now but please try to call me back later. God bless.’
Jack gave a heavy sigh and sunk down in her seat. “Heyyyy it's Jack, just calling to see if you’re ok. I’m a little worried about-cha. Just..call me back so I know you’re not dead in a ditch or something. Actually..” She hung up the phone and set her iphone back in her pocket, unscrunching herself from the very uncomfortable position she had herself in. She stumbled around her home looking for her keys when it dawned on her that her piece of shit car was STILL broken. She let out an agitated moan when she realized she would have to walk. It wasn’t a very far walk but Jack is lazy. Jack quickly scurried around for her coat and shoes then practically booked it out of her home.
Running isn’t too dramatic is it? Rushing to the aid of a new friend that you had made just a few weeks prior, texting daily to the point where she wondered when Izzy had all this time to just reply nonstop to her. Doesn’t matter, all that mattered was making sure she was all fine and dandy. She panted as she rounded the corner. Frantically looking at the houses and cars. Once she found the busted up truck she rushed to the home, tripping over her feet as she made it to the door.
Jack took a few to catch her breath, hands on top of her head while she wheezed out. . She shook her hands just a bit to get all the nerves out before knocking twice on the front door. “Iz? It’s me Jack!” She started. “You haven’t been returning my calls or texts and I got worried so I came to check on ya!”
There was no response which only worsened the worry in the pit of her stomach. She reached her hand up to knock once more when the door swung open and there was Izzy. Oh good lord she looked rough. “Oh thank god you’re ok- I thought something had happe-”
“Shh! Is there anyone out there..?” Izzy asked, her voice going low and whispery. Jack gave her a mildly confused look before turning around to look around. No one on the left side, no one on the right side. She turned back to face her and shook her head. “Nah I’m here alone, are you o-”
Izzy gently took her arm and led her into her home, immediately shutting the door behind them. Starting on the various locks she had on her door. The door knob lock of course, two latches, and sliding bolt lock.
“Are you ok?” Jack finally asked. Based on how Izzy was behaving currently she could kinda guess that she was NOT ok. “Yeah. I’ve never felt better.” She faced Jack once more and that’s when Jack took in the minor cuts and bruises on this woman. “Woah little lady, did you get into a fight with a cat?”
“Huh? Oh no, I tried to scratch the thoughts out of my head and when that didn’t work I resorted to smacking my head until I couldn’t hear my own thoughts anymore.” She said this oh so nonchalantly which only made Jack’s worry increase.
Izzy acted as if this was any other day, turning to wander back to what Jack assumed was her bedroom. “Uh, have you eaten yet? I can probably order a pizza or something-?” No reply. Jack let out a soft sigh and made her way to the room that Izzy was now residing in. “Cmon, I have a suspicious feeling you haven’t eaten anything yet, and it would be..good to..what the fuck is this?”
Izzy was not in her bedroom, she was snug in her bathroom. Having converted her tub into a makeshift bed where she was currently bundled up in. There were snack wrappers on the floor as well as some empty water bottles. “He can’t get me in here.” Was all Izzy said about her set up. “...Right.” Jack replied with a slow nod. “Iz.” She started. “Do you think this situation could be in your head?”
Izzy’s eyes were wide open, glazed over as she stared in front of her. Her lips pressed together in a thin line as she thought over this question. Is this all just a fake reality she had made up? Was this just her brain playing tricks on her? This is horrible! She’s been in fear for days cuz of something her brain forced her to believe was real.
She looked at Jack with tears flooding her eyes. “I..I don’t know..” She hiccuped. Her body began to tremble with this sudden realization that all of this wasn’t even real. “Shh shh, it’s ok.” Jack whispered as she kneeled down to the woman in the tub. “I can help you,” Izzy stared at her with wide eyes. “How..How will you keep the devil out of my mind? How can you possibly help me?”
Jack knew this wasn’t Izzy, this was just her slowly losing it. She nodded to what she said and let out a soft sigh. “I can’t promise what I can do will 100% bring you comfort but I can try my damned hardest to help you not feel like the world is ending at every second of the day. And if I can’t,” She paused, studying over Izzy’s tear stricken face. “Then you can beat me up, sounds like a deal?”
Jack stuck her hand out to give Izzy a handshake to confirm the deal she offered. Izzy’s eyes widened just a bit more at this deal. “The devil may be within you..using you to make this deal to make me sign over my soul..YOU CAN’T HAVE IT!” She jumped to her feet and quickly scrambled to get away from Jack who was still on the bathroom floor. Jack sighed heavily.
“Yeah I should’ve known that might happen..”
~~~
After two long hours Izzy finally came out of her bedroom with a soft frown on her face. Jack, who stayed this whole time, looked up from her spot on the couch. “Hey darling, you ok?”
Izzy shook her head. “No?” Izzy shook her head once more with a soft whimper. “It’s ok,” Jack scooted over and opened her arm for the distressed woman. “Come sit, lay it on me kiddo.” It was comforting to know despite lashing out like that on her Jack was still here for her.
She gripped her shirt and slowly shuffled to the couch. Adjusting her shorts before sitting down beside the woman who gently wrapped an arm around her. Holding her in a soft embrace. Izzy slowly laid her head on her shoulder with a soft sigh of relief.
Jack laid her own head on top of Izzy’s. Her hand gently rubbed up and down Izzy’s arm, comforting her the best that she could. “Do you wanna talk about it? Get some sort of it out the best you can?” Izzy shrugged.
“Just start talking, even if it doesn’t make any sense. I can try to make sense of it.”
Ok, that’s easy.
Izzy took a deep breath, her arms slowly began to wrap around Jack’s waist. Messing with the woman’s jacket to keep her hands busy. She chewed on her bottom lip as she thought carefully how to say this without sounding like an insane person.
“Well, I feel like the devil is after me. Every little thing I do is a silent call to him to come after me. I have these thoughts of trying to call to him to steal my soul..I can’t even say his true name because I fear it’s a silent way to conjure him.”
She took a shaky deep breath as she continued on. “I get such scary thoughts of ripping my skin off to try and stop the thoughts from pouring in. Even at one point I thought what if I just killed myself. Maybe then I’ll find some sort of peace in death, even if that meant I’d go to hell. Which makes my stomach churn.”
“I just want to wake up one morning without feeling my head is gonna explode from how many thoughts fill it at once.” She paused to allow Jack to process this all. Chewing the inside of her cheek. “And how does this affect your everyday life?” Jack asked, even if she can clearly see how it affects her, she still wanted to have Izzy explain it to her.
“I can’t leave my house without feeling everyone’s judgment on me, like they know the evil atrocities that run in my head.” She mumbled. “I snapped my phone cuz I was sure that the devil had manifested his way through it to get to me..which now I realize is really silly of me to do.” Jack patted her back comfortingly. “It was a bit silly, but it happened. And all you can do is get a new phone.” Jack gave her the solution to that problem.
Izzy nodded with a soft sigh. “If you want I can take you out for some fun this weekend. It’s gonna be controlled by you ok? You let me know when you’re done and I will take you back home. Sounds good? We can start small, like going to see a movie then coming back for drinks and maybe a game.”
That would be nice. Izzy gave a small nod. “Yeah? Awesome, also we should definitely get you a new phone. Cuz I don’t want to just startle ya out of the blue by knocking on the door. I’ll get ya one of those new iPhones. Ya know where you tap the screen instead of pressing buttons to type.”
Izzy chuckled. “I can buy a new phone Jack it’s ok,” Jack shrugged and held the woman close, rocking them side to side as they enjoyed the closeness. “Just take it as a gift then, an early and or late birthday gift.” Jack leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to the woman’s forehead then laying her head back down on the others.
That was heavenly. Izzy loved the feeling in her body when Jack gave her a little kiss. Her heart raced and her chest filled with a heavy warm feeling. She couldn’t describe it but she felt so relaxed. Like everything was gonna be ok. And maybe it is gonna be ok.